Child Destroyed Geography Book

[MrsWeasley]

I am so angry right now. I only check my daughter's geography once a week. I know it's not her favorite subject, but it's straight forward and easy. I told her we can try switching next year, but I wanted her to finish this year. She has marked off every day that she did it. I asked her to bring it to me to check. She hemmed and hawed. I insisted. She hasn't done any of her geography in the last week and has torn out a bunch of pages and thrown them away, including a lot of ones she already finished. She seriously only have like four more weeks of this left. I am beyond frustrated, and I am so so disappointed in the lying. We've had so many problems with lying and sneaking lately. I am too angry to think of an appropriate response. WWYD?

[maize]

I would wonder what is going on inside her; sounds like maybe some big emotions that she doesn't know how to deal with?

[EKS]

Is this child 8/9yo? It sounds like she needs a lot more supervision with her schoolwork. That said, you could have her work to pay for a new book and then have her finish by working into the summer.

[maize]

Does this child have any signs of executive function difficulties? Examples might be difficulty keeping her room clean, difficulty getting started with or completing assignments or chores, a tendency to get distracted and move from thing to thing, leaving projects unfinished and toys not put away? 

 

Sneaking and lying can happen when a child is not quite up to meeting expectations on their own. It is not that they think "I'll do this then lie about it" but that they do what seems to fix their problem in the moment (overwhelmed by an assignment? hungry for a cookie? angry at a sibling?) without any clear thought regarding future consequences. Then if they get caught they lie because that seems to be the solution to the problem of that moment (being in trouble). I think our expectations of children to think and control their actions logically often exceeds their actual ability to do so; children are not small adults and the parts of their brain that manage planning and impulse control are extremely undeveloped compared to the same parts of the brain in an adult. 

 

I think your daughter has just shown you that she is not at this point ready to handle schoolwork being checked only once a week; that is not at all unusual for an eight or nine year old. You've discovered that you had set her up for failure; that's not a reason to be angry at her. Some of her other lying and sneaking type behaviors may be stemming from a similar mis-match between your expectations and her abilities. 

Edited May 17, 2016 by maize

[Haiku]

I am too angry to think of an appropriate response. WWYD?

 

I'd shrug, say, "It looks like you really disliked doing this," and toss the book in the trash. Then I wouldn't mention it again.

 

Sometimes doing the thing your child least expects is the most effective, and, honestly, I would not cause a big relationship issue over an 8 year old's geography book.

 

In the future, check in more frequently. She's awfully young to take full responsibility for doing something she doesn't like and probably sees little point to.

 

If this had happened when my kids were 8, I'd have been furious, but with the benefit of hindsight, I'd see it for what it was: something small and not worth fussing about.

[73349]

No problem. She can buy a replacement book and start it over--under close supervision--and you can discuss an appropriate way to deal with having a problem with school assignments.

[UCF612]

I'm torn. On one hand I see what others are saying. On the other hand I have an 8/9 yo and I'd be livid if he did this. I'd probably toss the book and he'd lose privileges for a few days (no screen time or whatever). I will say that while he can work independently I have to set out his work and check it that day. He's not been successful when I've assigned something to be due at a later date.

[Tanaqui]

In the future, check in more frequently. She's awfully young to take full responsibility for doing something she doesn't like and probably sees little point to.

 

I definitely agree with this, and want to second it.

 

Any child would lie if they hadn't done their daily work and Mom wasn't gonna check it yet. Why not? They have time to catch up, and lying keeps Mom happy, so it's win-win! Except then they don't catch up tomorrow. Well, if it's only checked once a week, she can catch up the next day! And by the end of the week it's a huge burden and utterly impossible.

 

If this geography is important enough for her to do every day, it's important enough to be checked every day.

[KSinNS]

Tough one. I would wait I til I calmed down (which would take some time) then have a heart to heart with dd. I would talk about why honesty was important. I would acknowledge that she didn't like the book and discuss the reasons she needed to finish. Then we would go on, checking daily. I would try to show some grace on this. Kids can be so exhausting some days.

[HomeAgain]

Emotionally removing myself, how would I react if a teacher told me my child did this?  What would I expect the teacher to do?

 

I would probably expect the teacher to give a 0 on all the missed pages, require the child to pay for a replacement book, and possibly look at summer school if there were enough zeros.  That would be totally fair and hold the child to an honorable standard.  As a teacher, I would also be more diligent and tomato stake that child since there is a pattern of lying/hiding at the moment to ensure that all problems are swiftly dealt with in the same fair manner and regain trust.

[Peaceful Isle]

This is hard to know what to do. Kids don't always use common sense when they are upset.

 

If it were me, I would put away the geography book. I would make her do something in its place for the next month. She is still so very young. Maybe have her read books about children, from different parts of the world. Then when she is done, she can do a project about the book. It could be a poster report, a regular book report, draw the characters in the books, or make a map of where the story took place. I definitely would not just let her be done and do nothing for the next month, but I wouldn't necessarily punish her either.

Like I said, this is a hard one.😩

[SebastianCat]

I don't think either of my kids were ready for that level of independence at 8 or 9. I allow much more independence now that they are in middle school (and one starting high school in the fall), but outside of open-ended assignments where I've given them a "due date," I check that they've done their work daily. If they were in school, they'd be required to turn in homework daily for most subjects, so I don't want to require less of them in our homeschool.

[waa510]

You have to look at the personality of the kid you have. With either of mine, if I threw out the book they'd see that as a victory and continue in the lying/hiding behavior with renewed gusto. Some kids need structure and firm, loving consequences in order to learn. I have the 'give an inch, take a mile' kind of kids. They're good kids, but they're good kids because I'm a no-nonsense parent. I'd go with HomeAgain's suggestion, but my kids need that kind of firmness to learn how to behave. 

[BooksandBoys]

To answer, I'll tell you a story.

When I was 9, I was homeschooled and largely independent in my schoolwork. This wasn't the best plan but my mother didn't know that yet. I cheated on spelling tests, said I'd done readings I hadn't done, and quickly figured out how to copy the answers from my mother's teacher's manual into my workbook. I was even savvy enough to occasionally get an answer "wrong" to cover my tracks.

 

She caught me copying a few months into the year, scolded me, spanked me, and hid the teacher's manual. But, I really didn't want to learn math that year, so I searched the house until I found it cleverly hidden in the back of a cupboard in the kitchen. For the rest of the year, I copied the answers.

 

She caught me again near the end of the year. I had only 12 lessons left in the book. This time, she didn't scold or spank. She didn't say anything at all until the new workbook she had secretly ordered arrived. Then, she calmly informed me that I was going to redo the entire book that summer while sitting next to her so I couldn't cheat. Summer school as a homeschooler? The horror! (Yes, I school my kids year round :-).)

 

I never cheated again. Not on math, not on spelling, not saying I read things I hadn't. The lesson was learned. I don't know your daughter, but that's what worked on me.

[mamiof5]

I'd definitely wait a couple days to cool off, and then talk to her about it. I'd definitely have her replace the book (birthday money, allowance, but HER money), and I'd have her redo the pages she lied about/tore and go ahead and finish it as planned. I think kids need to learn at an early age that not all is fun and games, there's going to be work (school work, chores etc) that we might not like, but they still need to get done. I'd even give her examples, mention that doing laundry might not be your favorite chore, but that doesn'mean you tear and get rid off her clothes. Also, ASAP I'd tell her that this was not acceptable, that I am very upset at the situation and it might take a couple days for me to decide how to go about it.

[momof4inco]

You have to look at the personality of the kid you have. With either of mine, if I threw out the book they'd see that as a victory and continue in the lying/hiding behavior with renewed gusto. Some kids need structure and firm, loving consequences in order to learn. I have the 'give an inch, take a mile' kind of kids. They're good kids, but they're good kids because I'm a no-nonsense parent. I'd go with HomeAgain's suggestion, but my kids need that kind of firmness to learn how to behave. 

 

:iagree: My kids would consider it a victory if I did anything like throw away the book. I have an 8-year-old that isn't doing this (yet), but her oldest brother does it. I take away screen time and assign extra chores when I catch him skipping work. Maybe she does need more supervision, too.

 

Good luck, and hang in there :)

[SKL]

My kid has done that before.  I salvaged the pages and made her do them anyway.  :P

 

Is there any way you can get a copy of those pages that she destroyed?  Maybe from another homeschooler or online copy?

[eternalsummer]

Emotionally removing myself, how would I react if a teacher told me my child did this?  What would I expect the teacher to do?

 

I would probably expect the teacher to give a 0 on all the missed pages, require the child to pay for a replacement book, and possibly look at summer school if there were enough zeros.  That would be totally fair and hold the child to an honorable standard.  As a teacher, I would also be more diligent and tomato stake that child since there is a pattern of lying/hiding at the moment to ensure that all problems are swiftly dealt with in the same fair manner and regain trust.

 

I don't know of a third grade teacher who would give a week's worth of work to the kid and then do nothing except ask about it for a week.

 

My 5th grader doesn't even get this little supervision/help with daily work.

[Carrie12345]

At that age, my child's consequence for destroying the book would be getting the work done over the summer.  My consequence for lack of supervision would be buying a new book.

 

I would never *excuse* a child for ripping up a school book but, with my particular 9yo, who I could see doing a similar thing, I can say with confidence that the root of the problem would have been me.

 

My 7th and 8th graders are prone to damaging books (Saxon Math, anyone?) when I give too much slack for "working independently" on their beds.  While it's not OKAY for them to do so, it is in my power to prevent.  Instead, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to replace them before the last kid, because I put more focus on supervising my 9 and 5yos, who are much more likely to do more slacking/damage.  I can't put all the blame on the girls.

[marbel]

I would wonder what is going on inside her; sounds like maybe some big emotions that she doesn't know how to deal with?

 

I am wondering this too. That just seems like something one of my kids might do if there was something really upsetting going on.

 

Gently... most kids are too young at 8 to be left with only weekly oversight, particularly when it's a subject the kid dislikes.  My kids are in high school but I have to be around for the math daily for one of them because it is so hated.   And even though it may seem easy, maybe it's just not for her.  Or maybe it's so easy it's boring.

 

Anyway, hard to know what I'd do, but my inclination would be to have her pay me back for the book, and then I'd say something like "you know, at some point we're going to do geography" and then I'd let it go till next year, and see if we could find something that made geography more interesting.  Tie it into history, maybe.  Or, as a pp said, read about kids in different places around the world.  

 

My thoughts would probably be different if it was something essential and foundational like math. 

 

:grouphug:

 

Edited May 18, 2016 by marbel

[LuvToRead]

Honestly, if my 8 or 9 year old did this, I would blame myself for giving too much independence.  I would not make the child buy a new book, although I am unsure what I would do.  It doesn't sound like she actually destroyed the book, but just ripped a lot of lessons out and threw them away??  I would have a discussion about the book, then finish the rest together.  I admit I am not a big fan of geography workbooks.  I lean more towards reading good books, mapwork, and hands on activities.

[HomeAgain]

I don't know of a third grade teacher who would give a week's worth of work to the kid and then do nothing except ask about it for a week.

 

My 5th grader doesn't even get this little supervision/help with daily work.

 

Really?  I do.  3rd grade is preparing for work on their own.  Many classes are working on book reports and such where they check in weekly on the project because it's something they already know how to do and don't need the direct guidance.  Many teachers give homework packets on Monday to be turned in on Friday.

 

Frankly, I don't know of any research that shows that destroying something at 8 years old because you don't like it is perfectly in line with developmental behavior and should be coddled and treated with kid gloves.  The more a child learns how to bounce back from bad decisions the better.  Help them own up to it and deal with the logical consequence so that they grow as little humans.

 

Having said all that, lack of guidance was a bad idea for THIS child.  THIS child needs more oversight than they would get in even a class of 20, and the path forward should reflect exactly that. 

[Jess4879]

Ok, I will go on record saying I have often left correcting go for a week at a time.  I'm not proud of it, but there you have it.  Life gets busy sometimes and I do forget to check.  Just want you to know that you aren't alone on that! It happens.  :)

 

All of my kids have checklists, and have had for quite some time.  My youngest gets help filling his out right now.   My older two are expected to take responsibility for their own lists.  My 12 year old has marked a few things completed this year that she didn't actually do.  When I check (yes, often times at the end of the week!) and I realize she has no work to show for those missed items, she's expected to do them on the weekend.  She loses her free time to make up for the missed work.

 

In the case of the geography book, I would apologize for your part of leaving the correcting and let her know that your are sad about what she's done.  I would absolutely have her replace and complete the book.  I'd also have a conversation (or two or three if needed) about what else is going on.  Yes, 8 is young, but it's also the perfect age for correction.  :)

 

Best of luck!  This parenting stuff is hard!!

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

This has been a tough year for your family in many ways.  I would, at this point, probably assume the child was dealing with things that she was unable/unwilling to communicate with you.  Is your child very social?  That could definitely play a factor.  Actually, a lot of things could.  Maybe she is not ready for this level of independence.  Maybe the material is so dry and boring that it doesn't engage her at all, which perhaps makes it exceedingly difficult to even try and focus on long enough to complete a lesson.  Maybe this child functions much better, retains better, if she is actively working on the subject with someone else and feels lonely/rejected having to do it all by herself.  Maybe she is hurting inside or insecure about something unrelated to school, but it is manifesting in how she handles this subject because she does not have a way to cope or communicate her feelings.  

 

I would be working to try and find out what is really happening and to try and deal with the underlying cause of her situation.  I would work hard to calm down and reassess.  I would put my relationship with my child as my top priority.  She is probably feeling very stressed/scared/angry/depressed/defiant/confused and is stuck in a position where she has almost no control over the outcome of this situation.  Talk with her, without judgement.  Listen to her.  Don't say anything to correct her behavior right now.  If at all possible, disconnect your own anger and just listen.  Tell her you are wanting to understand why she did what she did.  See what she has to say.   Then make a decision on how to handle things.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Tanaqui]

Ok, I will go on record saying I have often left correcting go for a week at a time.  I'm not proud of it, but there you have it.  Life gets busy sometimes and I do forget to check.  Just want you to know that you aren't alone on that! It happens.  :)

 

Oh, yeah, none of us is perfect :)

 

It's just that when a kid lies because I didn't do my job, I find it's a lot easier to accept whose fault it really is and move on. Lying to stay out of trouble is what anybody with a lick of sense would do, isn't it?

[Tanaqui]

Many classes are working on book reports and such where they check in weekly on the project because it's something they already know how to do and don't need the direct guidance.  Many teachers give homework packets on Monday to be turned in on Friday.

 

But are those kids really working on these things independently? Or are they going home and having Mom or Dad looking at the homework packet and the planner saying "Okay, you have to get these worksheets done today, and finish this part of your project, so let's hop to it"?

[vonfirmath]

But are those kids really working on these things independently? Or are they going home and having Mom or Dad looking at the homework packet and the planner saying "Okay, you have to get these worksheets done today, and finish this part of your project, so let's hop to it"?

 

My son was third grade this year and the only thing truly independent was science fair projects (And that was optional).  They had spelling homework that was given Monday and due Wednesday. Otherwise, they had work every night due the next day (And recorded in a list for the parent to see what was due).  And then a note to "Make sure they are reading every night." And "Practice your multiplication facts regularly"

[Julie of KY]

Three things that I'd consider somewhat independently:

 

• Lying - dig for underlying reasons and deal with them. It doesn't sound as simple as just simply not doing the work and then lying about it. This is what I'd focus my energy on.
• Consequences - talk about lying and that you need to tell the truth. Push for truth in every circumstance no matter how hard it is to tell the truth. Then there is the issue that she destroyed a book - maybe you should just ignore this if you have your hands full dealing with underlying issues; maybe she needs to be responsible for replacing or paying for the book. I think this is more an individual decision.
• Academics - I try to make it a policy to win the daily battle - you must do this page today because I assigned it. However, I try to step back and reassess any area that my kids are butting heads with me on. Is it necessary? Is there a better way to teach it to this child? Should I scrap it and come back to this subject in a new way later? Do I need to sit and do every step with them? Usually I find it's a battle in that it is difficult for some reason - often not the surface level work, but some other reason that makes it hard. Consider whether you need to battle her to redo the work or just scrap it altogether and work on relationship.

[SKL]

OK I don't think 8yo is too young to do geography work independently with a weekly check.  However, I also think that when you give your 8yo that much independence, you are giving them space to decide when and if they are going to do it / take the consequences.  Realistically they are going to choose not to do things exactly the way you envision them being done.  :)  Which is not all bad.  You work with them over time to make better decisions.

 

I would try not to get emotional about this poor choice, but find a consequence that ends up being more work / less fun than had she just done the assignment in the first place.

 

I'm 49 and I don't always do exactly what I should, when I should, how I should.  Sometimes I delete an old email because it keeps reminding me of something I didn't do.  And I'm a fairly responsible adult.  I pretty much expect my kids to do worse at times.

 

ETA if we were talking about a more core subject such as math, my thoughts would be different.  But geography at that age is more of a nice-to-have IMO.

Edited May 18, 2016 by SKL

[SKL]

Oh and about lying - if you don't want your kids to lie, you have to be very careful how you choose consequences.  You don't want them to be afraid to tell the truth.  It's a tough balance at times.

[Corraleno]

This has been a tough year for your family in many ways.  I would, at this point, probably assume the child was dealing with things that she was unable/unwilling to communicate with you.  Is your child very social?  That could definitely play a factor.  Actually, a lot of things could.  Maybe she is not ready for this level of independence.  Maybe the material is so dry and boring that it doesn't engage her at all, which perhaps makes it exceedingly difficult to even try and focus on long enough to complete a lesson.  Maybe this child functions much better, retains better, if she is actively working on the subject with someone else and feels lonely/rejected having to do it all by herself.  Maybe she is hurting inside or insecure about something unrelated to school, but it is manifesting in how she handles this subject because she does not have a way to cope or communicate her feelings.  

 

I would be working to try and find out what is really happening and to try and deal with the underlying cause of her situation.  I would work hard to calm down and reassess.  I would put my relationship with my child as my top priority.  She is probably feeling very stressed/scared/angry/depressed/defiant/confused and is stuck in a position where she has almost no control over the outcome of this situation.  Talk with her, without judgement.  Listen to her.  Don't say anything to correct her behavior right now.  If at all possible, disconnect your own anger and just listen.  Tell her you are wanting to understand why she did what she did.  See what she has to say.   Then make a decision on how to handle things.

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

 

Mrs Weasley, your DD is undoubtedly as stressed and upset about the upheaval in your lives as you are, but she's even less able to cope with those feelings. She probably feels hurt and upset and powerless and this is where it came out — tearing some pages out of a workbook that she's already said she hated and didn't want to do. It's an 8 year old attempt to control one. tiny. thing. when all the big things in her life are out of her control.

 

Whenever I find myself getting angry and on the verge of fighting against my daughter, I try to reframe it in a way that I am fighting for her, not against her. That is NOT always easy!!! But in the long run it's not only much healthier for the relationship, it's actually more effective in changing the behavior.

 

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[fourisenough]

As my husband always says, you have to INSPECT what you EXPECT.

 

But...

 

I had a (now very lovely, responsible, & accomplished) DD who once tore-out/hid pages from her Kumon homework. It took me discovering her deceit and sitting down to discuss it with her, to learn how much she hated it and how it was actually making her fear/loathe math even more. We dropped Kumon and began working one-on-one with a variety of resources to accomplish the same goal. I think she was probably around 8-9 years of age at the time.

[MrsWeasley]

She's nine years old, a young nine years old, but nine years old. I probably shouldn't have done weekly checks, and moving forward, I will make sure anything I expect her to do independently, I check daily. 

 

I still haven't talked to her about it. She knows I'm mad. I know how mad I am is not really in proportion to the offense: deception is such a huge, huge trigger point for me. Part of me doesn't want to re-buy the book: if I had known how much she hated it, I probably would have agreed to finding a way to cover the content in another way. On the other hand, I struggle with feeling like giving up on the book rewards her for lying and tearing it up. I'm not sure how much of that is my anger talking and how much of that is a legitimate concern. Deception is such a huge trigger point for me. Despite the title I made, I actually think if she had torn out the pages in front of me while declaring that she hated it I'd probably be over it. 

[Dmmetler]

I remember, in PS 3rd grade, tearing pages out of my workbooks and hiding them in the back of my desk. It was my first year in a regular Ed class, and I had the fine motor skills of a 5 yr old, while also having a really high reading and math level, with a teacher who would pick me to bits for work not up to her standard, and gave no allowances for being out of class frequently for speech, OT, and PT. So, I'd reduce each assignment by a page or two, so I could do them in the time allotted, picking those that were actually new content to do. In retrospect, I was doing exactly what my special Ed teachers had done those years I was in a full-time special Ed class.

 

Except of course, it didn't work, and just got me into trouble at school. It was a really really tough year, to say the least, and really did a number on my self-esteem for years to come-plus took me from a kid who loved school to one who loathed it.

 

All that is to say-I think I'd look and find out if there's something more than merely disliking geography going on.

[OneStepAtATime]

She's nine years old, a young nine years old, but nine years old. I probably shouldn't have done weekly checks, and moving forward, I will make sure anything I expect her to do independently, I check daily. 

 

I still haven't talked to her about it. She knows I'm mad. I know how mad I am is not really in proportion to the offense: deception is such a huge, huge trigger point for me. Part of me doesn't want to re-buy the book: if I had known how much she hated it, I probably would have agreed to finding a way to cover the content in another way. On the other hand, I struggle with feeling like giving up on the book rewards her for lying and tearing it up. I'm not sure how much of that is my anger talking and how much of that is a legitimate concern. Deception is such a huge trigger point for me. Despite the title I made, I actually think if she had torn out the pages in front of me while declaring that she hated it I'd probably be over it. 

I do understand your concerns about lying.  I really, really do.   :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: 

 

What I think a lot of us are saying is you might be better off trying to find the underlying cause or causes of her lying.  She is a child.  She is trying to navigate a very challenging time in her life.  I would be far more concerned about WHY she lied than the lying itself.  We all make mistakes.  Coming down hard on her for what she did may very well put her in a position where she feels she cannot share with you.  And the underlying cause(s) may go unaddressed.  The lying might get worse.  Please, sit and talk with her.  Sit and listen to her.  Give her a chance to tell you her side without you shutting her down because of your own emotions.

 

Hugs and good luck.

[maize]

She's nine years old, a young nine years old, but nine years old. I probably shouldn't have done weekly checks, and moving forward, I will make sure anything I expect her to do independently, I check daily. 

 

I still haven't talked to her about it. She knows I'm mad. I know how mad I am is not really in proportion to the offense: deception is such a huge, huge trigger point for me. Part of me doesn't want to re-buy the book: if I had known how much she hated it, I probably would have agreed to finding a way to cover the content in another way. On the other hand, I struggle with feeling like giving up on the book rewards her for lying and tearing it up. I'm not sure how much of that is my anger talking and how much of that is a legitimate concern. Deception is such a huge trigger point for me. Despite the title I made, I actually think if she had torn out the pages in front of me while declaring that she hated it I'd probably be over it. 

 

May I ask a question?

 

As an adult, have you ever done something when motivated by frustration, anger, or disappointment? Maybe something that ordinarily you would consider inappropriate? Yelling at someone? Binging on icecream? Anything?

 

Most of us have--in fact I think all of us have. As adults, if we do something in  moment of emotion and those around us respond graciously and supportively (rather than punitively) do we then feel that we have been rewarded for our misbehavior and increase such misbehavior in the future? I don't think we usually do.

 

I don't think children do either.

 

I wouldn't worry that if you respond with grace and forgiveness that your daughter will feel rewarded for misbehavior.

[Tanaqui]

I'm not sure how much of that is my anger talking and how much of that is a legitimate concern. Deception is such a huge trigger point for me.

 

So why not tell her that?

 

"Look, sweetie, I get that you didn't want to do your work. It's not the most interesting curriculum! And I understand that you didn't want to get in trouble, and you didn't want to upset me when you hadn't done your work. That's mostly my fault - I should've sat on top of you more and made sure it was getting done. Here's the thing, though. I can understand why you lied, but you probably don't know how much I hate being lied to. I mean, seriously, I really hate it. That is actually the worst thing you can do. And while lying seems like a simple fix, it's only simple when you don't get caught. The more you lie, the more likely it is I'll find out, and then I'll be really upset. You won't just be in more trouble than if you'd fessed up right away but, also, you'll really hurt my feelings. I feel like I'm an awful mom when you lie, because it looks like I can't trust you. So I'm going to check your work daily for a while, but in the meantime - please, whatever it is, just don't lie about it. That just really doesn't help."

 

Unless your daughter actually hates you, which seems very unlikely, she doesn't want to hurt you. She just wanted to avoid conflict and also punishment.

[Sahamamama]

I would purchase another book (at my own expense, lesson learned) and -- with no lecture at all -- require my student to complete the book over the summer, while sitting next to me. Divide the number of pages in the book by the number of available days in your summer, and that's how much she needs to do in one day. I say "no lecture" because I think that, in this situation, what you do will speak louder than anything you might say. For my kids, the less I said, the more they would absorb the actual correction. They could tune out my words, or try to justify themselves with more words of their own (all three of mine would try this), but to have to sit there, next to me, and redo all that work? And Mommy isn't even saying anything? No lecture, no emotional confrontation, no excuses, just work? Argh! I know my girls would think, "Well that just wasn't worth it!" My other girls would be closely watching....

 

Next year, check in more often. She says she did it? Then you say, "Okay, show me." FWIW, I have twin 3rd graders, and while I do give them a daily work list with some independent work, I check every single thing every stinkin' day, LOL. "Let me see it. Show me." And if I'm not quite sure they have read what they say they did, I ask questions to check. One of them had a goofy habit of checking off her work first, because she was going to do it, you know? Then she'd stop to say hello to a rabbit and "forget" and not do the work, then she'd look at the list and think, "Oh, I checked it off, it must be done." :001_rolleyes: Doh.

 

Edited to add: I read your response upthread and since she hates the book so much, don't get another one! Maybe you could work through part of this over the summer? We did some of it this year, we'll come back and do some more next year, and we review the states & capitals (with map work) from time to time. We have USA laminated place mats, and sometimes we quiz each other at breakfast. "Quick, fiiiiiinnnnnnnnd... Arizona!" We play States & Capitals bingo. We sing some silly song about the states & capitals (I can't at the moment remember where it's from, sorry -- maybe Audiomemory).

 

I know, it's less about the actual book or the subject itself, it's about your daughter being trustworthy. I think that for her to learn this at her age, though, she also has to be held accountable from day to day. That is, you have to check in on her, help her out when she struggles or hates something, gently move things along. Even my diligent 5th grader gets daily checks, though I can see her starting to need these less and less. I can't imagine checking in on Squeaky & Squishy only weekly.

Edited May 20, 2016 by Sahamamama