Costco essay that got girl into ivy league schools

[Farrar]

Forgive me if this was discussed elsewhere... but can we talk about this essay? Dh and I are in some disagreement. He's sure it's vaguely self-mocking and mild parody and that's what got the colleges' attention - as in, they read it and laughed at how absurd it was and thought it was clever. I'm not so sure. Either way, is the overwritten quality of the essay part of the parody if it is one? Or just how she's writing - how high schoolers think "good" writing should be?

 

The standout quote: "If there exists a thirtythree ounce jar of Nutella, do we really have free will?"

 

http://www.businessinsider.com/high-school-senior-who-got-into-5-ivy-league-schools-shares-her-admissions-essay-2016-4

[SeaConquest]

I actually really enjoyed the essay, and agree with your DH's opinion. I thought it was a wry and clever parody. 

[JumpyTheFrog]

I think it was kind of weird.

[regentrude]

Parody, quite obviously.

Now, I still do not think she got into those schools just because of the essay. We won't know how big a role the essay played n the decision.

 

ETA: I liked it because it sounded as if she had a ton of fun writing it.

Edited April 4, 2016 by regentrude

[ExcitedMama]

Glad you asked this question! I found myself shaking my head after reading the essay yesterday and shocked that this was some sort of stand out example of great writing.

[Dmmetler]

I think it's a parody and that it probably stood out because it was different. She's a decent writer, probably had the "total package" otherwise, and was going for a pretty small chance. Why not try to stand out?

Edited April 4, 2016 by dmmetler

[Jean in Newcastle]

I actually really enjoyed the essay, and agree with your DH's opinion. I thought it was a wry and clever parody. 

 

I agree.  It's not meant to be a formal academic essay but a way for colleges to get a glimpse of her as a person.  I like her. 

[Dmmetler]

Oh, anyone want to take bets on how many kids will now submit essays about shopping experiences, believing that's the take home from this??

[Bluegoat]

I would say parody, but I've read some high school and university essays that make me wonder.

 

But even if it is a parody, I am not sure it is great writing.

[hornblower]

Oh good grief. I hated it but I really hate this type of essay in the first place. I'm just so glad we don't do this here.... 

btw, she apparently used tips from Essay Hell to write it.  

Essay Hell wrote about it & why it worked & she posted a comment: http://www.essayhell.com/2016/04/lessons-from-a-winning-ivy-league-essay/ 

[regentrude]

Glad you asked this question! I found myself shaking my head after reading the essay yesterday and shocked that this was some sort of stand out example of great writing.

 

I don't think showcasing "stand out great writing" is the purpose of the college admissions essay. I think the readers get quite sick of carefully crafted well written essays. The kids with the stats to get into these schools all know how to write well. The college essay is more about personality and originality than great writing.

 

My DD's school had essay prompts that are completely ridiculous:

https://collegeadmissions.uchicago.edu/apply/essay/past-essay-questions

I am sure they look for the original take on the questions more than for "great writing".

DD wrote hers about a comparison of apples and oranges from the point of view of their role in American culinary history.

Edited April 4, 2016 by regentrude

[MerryAtHope]

Forgive me if this was discussed elsewhere... but can we talk about this essay? Dh and I are in some disagreement. He's sure it's vaguely self-mocking and mild parody and that's what got the colleges' attention - as in, they read it and laughed at how absurd it was and thought it was clever. I'm not so sure. Either way, is the overwritten quality of the essay part of the parody if it is one? Or just how she's writing - how high schoolers think "good" writing should be?

 

The standout quote: "If there exists a thirtythree ounce jar of Nutella, do we really have free will?"

 

http://www.businessinsider.com/high-school-senior-who-got-into-5-ivy-league-schools-shares-her-admissions-essay-2016-4

 

Parody really isn't the word that comes to mind--when I think parody, I think of imitating another work--unless you are thinking it's a parody of a general style rather than a specific work--as in, a parody of the typical college essay where the person talks about great things they have done. Perhaps in that sense, one could think of it as parody. I'm not 100% convinced that she meant it to be that--I do think she was looking for a unique way to write about who she is, and from that standpoint, she accomplished her goal. 

 

I think of it more as a clever use of an anecdote, likely with embellishment and exaggeration--she paints a picture of a scene that's very common (2 year-old gets away from mom at a store), and turns the mundane and ordinary on edge. She obviously likes to play with words (thinking about "Old Hickory" for example), has a good sense of vocabulary, is creative and curious, has a good sense of humor (I'd agree there are points where she may be poking fun at herself--or at least doesn't take herself too seriously) and has some intelligent interests in science and other areas. That would be boring and not very stand-out to just list, and if one hasn't done something extraordinary (or if one is bored with talking about such accomplishments), this seems to be a clever (though with flaws) way of presenting "here's who I am" in an interesting package. She took a risk and it paid off, apparently! 

[angela in ohio]

I don't think showcasing "stand out great writing" is the purpose of the college admissions essay. I think the readers get quite sick of carefully crafted well written essays. The kids with the stats to get into these schools all know how to write well. The college essay is more about personality and originality than great writing.

 

I agree.

 

Also, the fact that intelligence and a good education shine through in an essay about Costco is a feat. 

[MinivanMom]

The daughter of a friend was just admitted to a prestigious public university. It was her reach school. I was talking to her last fall about her application, and she told me that she had just written off-the-cuff, sarcastic responses for all the essay questions. Her mom was standing there as she told me this, and her mom just shrugged her shoulders and said, "Well that's [daughter's name]!" Which is true. She's not the carefully-craft-an-essay type of kid. 

 

She was admitted despite lower than average grades and test scores (for this particular university's stats) and despite having only average activities (nothing amazing or unusual - just several years of volunteering at a local hospital). When I heard the announcement that she had been admitted, I honestly wondered if it was the essays. She's a sarcastic and funny girl, and I bet her personality really showed in those "off-the-cuff, sarcastic responses." 

 

Sometimes being memorable or original makes the difference. But probably only when it's genuine. I think it would be a really big gamble for your average kid to try to copy an essay like this.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I thought the essay was fun to read and memorable. 

K had a somewhat snarky, off-the-cuff essay response to a "what makes you unique" question for college admission.  K used homeschooling and turned almost every stereotype on its head ... a description of their appearance (dark skinny jeans, combat boots, snarky t-shirts, and long hair) as being the "anti-Duggar", independent learning, less run-of-the-mill activities including activism for LGBTQ causes, etc.  K received many compliments on the essay.  I did have them tone down many of the uber-snarky comments, though. 

[eternalsummer]

I think that writing with a voice that at least sounds genuine (or farcically genuine, in a genuine sort of way) is difficult even for very well educated, very intelligent teenagers.  I haven't read anywhere that states her demographics, gpa, test scores, transcript, etc., but I am willing to bet that she's got more going for her than just one unique essay.

[8circles]

I can appreciate that it takes some talent to write something like that. I think it was meant to be at least somewhat absurd.

 

But I found it really irritating to read.

[Farrar]

Interesting.

 

I couldn't decide to what extent it was serious - I felt like it was maybe a little absurdist, but I basically spent the whole thing rolling my eyes at it. I usually sort of like absurd takes on stuff like this. It just struck me as so pretentious by pretending to be mocking pretension, if that makes sense.

[8circles]

Yes, I was rolling my eyes, too. It came across as so pretentious I was unable to find much meaning.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Fortunately she had some good people reading her essay at these schools - people who know what they are looking for and found it in this young woman.  I think that she should be commended for her achievement instead of scrutinized with a critical eye. 

[Farrar]

I'm sure she deserved to get in - I mean, you don't get in to all those schools without the total package as someone up thread said. But the essay has been published - she chose to share it and it got media attention, I think it's fair to scrutinize it.

 

Maybe it's just not to my taste. There's such a thing as taste too...

[8circles]

I commend her achievement. I just didn't care for her essay.

[Tsuga]

I think it's brilliant. It's less of an essay than a personal statement. It sounds genuine and relevant to her experience and the experience of many young people like her. I appreciate that it's not attempting to be something it's not. She's captured Lost in the Supermarket very well. She'd be at the top of my pile.

[Farrar]

That's funny that it sounded authentic to so many people. It sounded so affected and false to me.

 

I may be projecting. I was an affected, pretentious teenager... so...

[JanetC]

I googled the person. She (or someone with the same name and an NSF research grant for precollege students) is an author on two scientific publications in biochemistry.

 

It's not the essay. It's the whole package. The essay is the most overhyped part of the application, IMHO.

[*lifeoftheparty*]

.

Edited February 13, 2017 by *lifeoftheparty*

[Dmmetler]

I googled the person. She (or someone with the same name and an NSF research grant for precollege students) is an author on two scientific publications in biochemistry.

 

It's not the essay. It's the whole package. The essay is the most overhyped part of the application, IMHO.

I would also imagine that (as someone who has a kid in a pre-baccalaureate research program, albeit not an NSF funded one at this point) she's had a lot of experience writing about "how I got involved in science" and similar essay topics, and, frankly, is sick of them. Practically every program for pre-college students requires such statements and even when you are passionate about snakes (or biochemistry) it gets really wearing to tell the same anecdotes again and again. Add that you also get asked them every time you're in a group setting, and it's even worse.

 

So, if you have a chance to write an essay that doesn't have to be about science and you know the science stuff will shine, I can see why you might choose to write about Costco. Realistically, also, at the level she's working at, she probably has a long list of schools where the biochemistry program wants her there yesterday, probably including professors she's worked under who are in a position to sway things. If your safety is the state flagship, and you have the department chair on your side, you can afford to take risks in your essay.

[Junie]

I seem to be in the minority here, but I didn't like it at all.

 

I agree that her idea was novel, but I think that she could have purged quite a bit of the essay.   Most of the first paragraph was useless, imo.  Her message would have been clearer if she had taken out some of the unrelated details.  Throwing a churro and watching another shopper damage a large tv detracted from what she was attempting to say.

 

Also, the essay contained many grammatical errors (some of which I think she did on purpose).  It sounds like it was written hastily.  Of course, I don't know what the other essays were like.  Maybe the others were worse.  But on its own merits -- I would have chucked this one.

 

And in the interest of full disclosure -- I have never been to Costco.   ;)

 

 

Edited April 5, 2016 by Junie

[madteaparty]

I couldn't finish it.

[Hunter]

I need to think a bit before I comment.

[JumpyTheFrog]

I couldn't finish it.

Yeah, I bailed at the 80% mark. The tone annoyed me and I am not against snarky stuff. I think I agree with the PP who thought it sounded fake. The numerous mistakes also bugged me.

[Dmmetler]

I wonder if tolerance has to do with how much you've been stuck reading high school/college writing. Because, honestly, this kid is head and shoulders above the kids I get in my intro to music appreciation and music literature classes at a state U. Of course, so is my 11 yr old.

[Sarah0000]

It sounds like many a blog post.

[mamamoose]

It's entirely over written, and awful. I couldn't finish it. 

Edited April 5, 2016 by mamamoose

[hornblower]

Coming back to this because I shared this with my family last night & they were a bit slackjawed at it. As I said, personal essays are not part of routine admissions processes here so it's a strange animal to us. 

What we all thought though was that it was written with a thesaurus. To us it was "trying too hard" with the action packed verbs and the imaginative adjectives.   It's obviously a genre that has its own rules.  

I also thought there was a pretty big snark there about the large amounts of food & weight-loss supplements being bought together. As someone who once got a suspension on these boards for snark (remember when we could tag threads? that was dangerous), I think I know snark when I see it :p 

[8filltheheart]

I couldn't finish it, either.

[908874]

I am happy for her.

 

Surely she had the scores, grades and so on needed to get in. I liked her essay and obviously a majority of Ivy League faculty and such thought so too. My personal thoughts? Witty, funny, intelligent. I chuckled as I read her words. This would have been a standout among science or engineering degree applicants if that's what she's going for. Science needs good writers and communicators (global warming anyone?). Like it or not perhaps the other faculty kept a going back to the only kid (or kids) they remembered.

 

I have no idea what she wants to do or what she was applying for. I wonder if English faculty would have enjoyed her essay. Now I want to know what she is going to study and where.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited April 5, 2016 by 908874

[snowbeltmom]

I googled the person. She (or someone with the same name and an NSF research grant for precollege students) is an author on two scientific publications in biochemistry.

 

It's not the essay. It's the whole package. The essay is the most overhyped part of the application, IMHO.

 

Some students get offers of admissions to Ivy league schools before the Common Application even opens up for their graduating class. With this girl's credentials, I would be shocked if the admission offices even took the time to read the essay.

[8filltheheart]

Surely she had the scores, grades and so on needed to get in. I liked her essay and obviously a majority of Ivy League faculty and such thought so too. My personal thoughts? Witty, funny, intelligent. I chuckled as I read her words. This would have been a standout among science or engineering degree applicants if that's what she's going for. Science needs good writers and communicators (global warming anyone?)

 

I have no idea what she wants to do or what she was applying for. I wonder if English faculty would have enjoyed her essay. They are a more fickle bunch. Now I want to know what she is going to study.

 

I'm glad she let all of us read it. Maybe she'll get a few offers to write and get paid. Good for her.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Her essay wouldn't have been read by any faculty. Admissions officers are not departmental faculty.

[908874]

Her essay wouldn't have been read by any faculty. Admissions officers are not departmental faculty.

Ok sorry

 

Sometimes making comments here is intimidating and scary as you can't really erase any blunders and I rarely have the time/desire to google and check.

Edited April 5, 2016 by 908874

[hornblower]

Ok sorry

 

Sometimes making comments here is intimidating and scary as you can't really erase any blunders and I rarely have the time/desire to google and check.

 

I actually had the same thought. Having seen how dd's college English profs are marking I did wonder what they would think of it.  Doesn't matter that admissions aren't faculty - it's still interesting to think what faculty *would* have said. 

 

don't be intimidated :)    

[zarabellesmom]

I couldn't finish it either. In addition to just not maintaining my interest, I felt like she overused her handy dandy thesaurus. Maybe her vocabulary is really like that, but it felt very pretentious to me. I think the concept was fun, but the execution left something to be desired. Of course, my opinion is completely irrelevant and she definitely accomplished her goals.

[TranquilMind]

I actually really enjoyed the essay, and agree with your DH's opinion. I thought it was a wry and clever parody.

I thought it was interesting, but was wondering about her obsession with creating new compound words.

[8filltheheart]

Ok sorry

 

Sometimes making comments here is intimidating and scary as you can't really erase any blunders and I rarely have the time/desire to google and check.

No need to apologize. It really isn't a blunder, anyway. If you haven't been through college applications with your kids, it can be hard to know how the process works. The process would probably be far different (and probably make a lot more sense!) if faculty were involved in the decision making process.

 

I am in agreement with JanetC and Snowbeltmom. This essay is not why the girl was admitted. Her entire profile must have been strong (all students admitted to those schools have incredibly strong profiles.) It might have gotten half-asleep readers to wake up, but it didn't "make" her application.

[daijobu]

I'm glad she got in to Stanford.  Humor writing is so difficult and I think she really pulled it off.  I hope she goes into journalism and writes a column, a la Dave Barry.  I would read it.  

 

 

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I think that there is a lot of emphasis on essay writing as part of the application for a couple reasons.

 

1.  It is a place where the individual nature of the student can come forward.  

 

Applications can start to look very similar after a while.  An admissions rep from Stanford made the point at an info night that they really wanted to know about the individual student.  Her hope was that if you put a dozen essays on the table, your friends and family would be able to pick out which one was yours, because your style and experiences came through.  I think some schools pick off the wall essay topics (Chicago) or include short "popcorn" essays to try to get a look at this individual student voice.

 

2.  It is one of the few things that the applying student still has under their control.

 

By the end of junior year, academic course load and performance is pretty much set.  You are still in a position to pick senior year classes, but you won't be moving from geometry to calculus in one jump and you won't be ready for AP English and history if the foundation wasn't laid.  You can work hard in present courses, but can't change grades laid down in previous years.  Students can become more active in clubs and volunteer work, but you can't go back in time and add more to the past.  The essay is something that still needs to be created.  It is a present opportunity, not one that is predetermined by past choices.  Because it is something that can still be worked on, it takes on an importance that may be greater than is warranted.  

 

3.  It is one of the few things that college prep advisers can modify at this point.  

 

A college prep counselor or company (or online blog) may have some ability to counsel on courses and activities in earlier years.  They may be able to help a student increase test scores or have better study habits and improve grades in earlier years.  But for those who are working with late spring juniors and seniors, the essay is one of the few things they can work on.  Like with #2, because it is something that can be worked on, it takes on a greater importance.  You can't really get hits from seniors or parents of seniors from a blog post about starting high school out on the right foot.  That is water under the bridge.  You can get hits, or sell a book with advice on "essays that worked" even if those essays were only a small slice of a very accomplished pie.

 

4.  Because essays look like a school assignment, they seem like something that will be graded and judged on merits.

 

This factor may be increased by the influence of the essay section on the SAT and ACT, where there is actually an attempt to mass grade essay samples.  I don't think this really happens with college application essays.  I think that a lot of things that wouldn't be great in a more formal essay (like a history paper or literary analysis paper) are overlooked in favor of trying to see student personality.  I think that essays are often used to create tags to apply to student files (that girl who wrote about Costco).   My expectation for most essays is that it is something of a go-no go test with an opportunity for a little extra plus on an application.  I don't think that a great essay will heal an application that has problems (low scores, low grades, or other lack of minimum expectations for that school).  It may be so bad that it puts an application to the reject pile.  It might make a particular application memorable or clarify a portion of the student profile.  I think the college admissions essays differ slightly from scholarship essays, where the quality of the essay may in fact be a major factor in a scholarship.  I think it is worth considering which essay you are writing and what it is going to do for you.  Watching my oldest, I will say that a couple revisions helped, but there was a point where further tinkering wasn't going to make a significant improvement.

 

 

A couple things I plan to do with ds2 is to have him start with making a list of the things he wants colleges to know about him.  That will help him decide if a topic needs to be addressed in an essay or if it comes out elsewhere.  I made a 2 page school profile that was part of the Common App counselor info for ds1.  This document gave specifics about homeschooling and our frequent moves, so that ds could write about other topics.  On the other hand, a friend of ours made mythbusting about homeschooling part of her CA essay in a way that as quite charming.  I will be giving him the CA essay prompts at the end of junior year, so he can start to play around with what might capture him.  He's also talked about getting a small peer group together to write essays, just to create a deadline pressure that will motivate him to get them done.  

 

For younger students, I think there is a lot of value in regular practice with writing.  Creative prompts can be hard to work with.  They are even harder for students who aren't used to putting their thoughts down on paper.

 

 

 

 

[deerforest]

I wrote a very non-traditional essay to enter graduate school, and one of the graduate professors commented on it as soon as I met him for the first time. He remembered absolutely everything about it, and I was probably a bit over the top with my narrative. But, I couldn't handle writing yet another of the type of essay that they were expecting. 

 

So, over-use of thesaurus or not, good for her for trying something different. Undoubtedly, it was just one part of many that led to her acceptance. Sadly, I agree that others will now attempt to replicate this rather than risk finding their own voice.

 

She incorporated some of her real interests and hobbies within the writing. I agree with others that this essay had more than one layer of intention.

[SanDiegoMom]

I was overwhelmed by adjectives. Kudos if it helped her get in. If our rising senior had written that both my husband would have rolled our eyes and sent her back to try again! 

[madteaparty]

I googled the person. She (or someone with the same name and an NSF research grant for precollege students) is an author on two scientific publications in biochemistry.

 

It's not the essay. It's the whole package. The essay is the most overhyped part of the application, IMHO.

Maybe she got in despite the essay. Which means she really deserved to get in. :) Edited April 5, 2016 by madteaparty

[madteaparty]

I wrote a very non-traditional essay to enter graduate school, and one of the graduate professors commented on it as soon as I met him for the first time. He remembered absolutely everything about it, and I was probably a bit over the top with my narrative. But, I couldn't handle writing yet another of the type of essay that they were expecting.

 

So, over-use of thesaurus or not, good for her for trying something different. Undoubtedly, it was just one part of many that led to her acceptance. Sadly, I agree that others will now attempt to replicate this rather than risk finding their own voice.

 

She incorporated some of her real interests and hobbies within the writing. I agree with others that this essay had more than one layer of intention.

DH also wrote a really non traditional essay for his business school admission (very competitive program)--it was a huge risk but we had a what the hell attitude. He got in, and the admission officers commented on his essay.

I think maybe a quarter of these things get read, really.