UPDATE in 456ish: Older boy in women's locker room WWYD

[Word Nerd]

I would absolutely not offer unsolicited tips to the mom. I'd alert the staff next time it happens. If people don't like the policy, no one's forcing them to use that facility. Or they can take their arguments against policies they find unreasonable to management.

Edited January 28, 2016 by Word Nerd

[mumto2]

As a mom with one boy who was always big for his age these situations were hard for me. Since the woman in question has two boys (safety in numbers) I would probably approach her with how you handled the situation with your one child. I would start with how she is lucky to havd two boys and since she isn't using the pool herself......

[Χά�ων]

Just for fun I ask my partner his thoughts. He was blown away by such young age limit. He pointed out that after swimming kids are often hungry and tired and may not be as able to function as well independently or be able to wait for a family restroom.

 

Lucy Stoner said the same about a child with special needs, but I would like to point out that even children without special needs struggle when they are tired and hungry.

[bettyandbob]

Again the facility has two family dressing rooms. This isn't about age at all. It's about sense of entitlement.

 

It would be lovely for there to be multiple family rooms, but there are not. There is a choice: wait for a turn or don't use the facility. As someone who has waited 30 minutes for turn with my intellectually disabled 14 year old I don't have any sympathy for someone like this.

 

My response would be entirely different if there were no family dressing rooms.

[Guest]

I didn't read the responses yet. But I was the mom who didn't want to send my immature son into the men's room alone. So, I sucked it up and waited in line for the family room.

 

My daughters would be very upset if there was a 10yo boy in the changing area. I would absolutely tell the staff.

[Bluegoat]

I think 5 is a bit young for a cut off, I'd give it another year, but given that there are family rooms, it's not a big deal.

 

I'd talk to the staff.  Ten is too old.  I'd not have sent my dd into the men's when she was 10 and expected her or the men to be comfortable with it.

 

I might also ask the staff about the busyness of the family rooms.  It may be that there are changes that can be made to speed things up - even if it is just requesting that people only use the family rooms when they really need them.

 

ETA - and actually I wouldn't really want to be naked in front of a strange 10 year old boy.  If I did that in my house, it would be considered totally inappropriate.

Edited January 28, 2016 by Bluegoat

[bettyandbob]

I would not engage someone like this. I would tell staff only.

 

With regard to wait times, I've been to a few facilities that post time limits in family changing for busy periods. One facility I use posts time limits for anytime someone is waiting. Another facility has a sign for five minutes during lesson hours. And yes it is possible to get in and out in five minutes. You dry child on pool deck. You enter the changing room and put on underwear, pants and shirt. Exit changing room to put on shoes and coats. Shower at home (very few people must shower at the facility. Showering at the facility is convenient, not necessary).

 

No one said a five year old had to use the men's room by himself here. The facility has made it so that situation does not need to come up. The woman can use family dressing. She is choosing not to.

Edited January 28, 2016 by Diana P.

[Χά�ων]

I would not engage someone like this. I would tell staff only.

 

With regard to wait times, I've been to a few facilities that post time limits in family changing for busy periods. One facility I use posts time limits for anytime someone is waiting. Another facility has a sign for five minutes during lesson hours. And yes it is possible to get in and out in five minutes. You dry child on pool deck. You enter the changing room and put on underwear, pants and shirt. Exit changing room to put on shoes and coats. Shower at home (very few people must shower at the facility. Showering at the facility is convenient, not necessary).

 

No one said a five year old had to use the men's room by himself here. The facility has made it do that situation does not need to come up. The woman can use family dressing. She is choosing not to.

Waiting for a room to open up is a luxery not everyone has when it comes to tired young kids.

 

Not everyone has the option to choose another facility.

 

I am a bit blown away that there are only two family changing rooms.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I personally would not care, but I think it is perfectly reasonable to complain given that they have family bathrooms.

 

 

[bettyandbob]

Waiting for a room to open up is a luxery not everyone has when it comes to tired young kids.

 

Not everyone has the option to choose another facility.

 

I am a bit blown away that there are only two family changing rooms.

As the parent of one son who is 2E and had multiple behavior issues when he was younger and another son who has intellectual disabilities and lots impulse behavior control issues, I'm not buying it. I wait , I have waited for family rooms since oldest was 5, and I will continue to wait. It's not fun. Sometimes, it's quite painful ( with stress due to ds's behavior) but I do it and I always did it. Even when they were both young and had more unmanageable behavior.

 

Really don't tell me about not having the luxury to wait with a tired child. Kids learn. It takes effort and a lot of patience, even my children with lots of issues learned.

 

You plan ahead a figure out how to deal. If wait times are really too long get staff to manage family room use--ie put time limits and tell people to move it along.

 

Lots of facilities have only one family room. I've waited at those places too. I use for indoor pools regularly. One where I work has one. I've begged and begged for renovation, but it's not happening. Another pool where I work has 3. One place that ds swims has 1. Waits can be quite long there. Another place ds swims had 2, but recently had a major renovation and now has 6 (awesome!). When ds swims with me for fun it is at my work with 1 family room. We've been doing this for years and hes starting to get the hang of waiting, but every once in a while there's regression.

Edited January 28, 2016 by Diana P.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Waiting for a room to open up is a luxery not everyone has when it comes to tired young kids.

 

Not everyone has the option to choose another facility.

 

I am a bit blown away that there are only two family changing rooms.

 

Uh yeah don't get me started.  Where I went to the Y years ago they wouldn't allow boys above 2 in the women's room.  Sorry, I was not sending my 3 year old alone into the men's locker room.  He still needed help getting out of his wet suit and stuff for one thing.  Yet the family room was the smallest of all the changing areas.  It was always mobbed.  Obviously plenty of people want such a thing so why not make it bigger?!

 

If a boy is in their with his parent, I figure there is a reason.  I don't have a problem with it. 

[mom2scouts]

We go to a homeschool swim class and opposite gender children aren't allowed in the locker rooms AT ALL. There are at least 4 large family changing rooms and people with young opposite gender children are required to use those. Some people have to wait, but I've never seen a male in the women's locker room, so parents are following the rules. Ten is way too old to be in the women's room.

[SparklyUnicorn]

As the parent of one son who is 2E and had multiple behavior issues when he was younger and another son who has intellectual disabilities and lots impulse behavior control issues, I'm not buying it. I wait , I have waited for family rooms since oldest was 5, and I will continue to wait. It's not fun. Sometimes, it's quite painful ( with stress due to ds's behavior) but I do it and I always did it. Even when they were both young and had more unmanageable behavior.

 

Really don't tell me about not having the luxury to wait with a tired child. Kids learn. It takes effort and a lot of patience, even my children with lots of issues learned.

 

You plan ahead a figure out how to deal. If wait times are really too long get staff to manage family room use--ie put time limits and tell people to move it along.

 

Lots of facilities have only one family room. I've waited at those places too. I use for indoor pools regularly. One where I work has one. I've begged and begged for renovation, but it's not happening. Another pool where I work has 3. One place that ds swims has 1. Waits can be quite long there. Another place ds swims had 2, but recently had a major renovation and now has 6 (awesome!). When ds swims with me for fun it is at my work with 1 family room. We've been doing this for years and hes starting to get the hang of waiting, but every once in a while there's regression.

 

I think if it is always mobbed they should consider making a bigger one.  I would wait because if that is their rule that is their rule.  I don't think it's unreasonable to be annoyed by the lack of accommodation though.  For one thing I paid a lot of money to go to that place.  Nearly $100 a month plus fees for the classes.  Would it have killed them to have more than one stall for family?! 

[bettyandbob]

I think if it is always mobbed they should consider making a bigger one. I would wait because if that is their rule that is their rule. I don't think it's unreasonable to be annoyed by the lack of accommodation though. For one thing I paid a lot of money to go to that place. Nearly $100 a month plus fees for the classes. Would it have killed them to have more than one stall for family?!

No it's not unreasonable to be annoyed. I complain regularly to my employer about this. If the room isn't big enough, if there aren't enough family rooms, complain. And you can also choose not to use the facility. But I disagree with not following the facility's stated rules, especially when there is an alternative. If you don't want to follow the rules don't go.

Edited January 28, 2016 by Diana P.

[SparklyUnicorn]

No it's no unreasonable to be annoyed. I complain regularly to my employer about this. If the room isn't big enough, if there aren't enough family rooms, complain. And you can also choose not to use the facility. But I disagree with not following the facility's stated rules, especially when there is an alternative. If you don't want to follow the rules don't go.

I do agree with following the rule too, but I do feel for people who feel the need to take their kid in with them when there isn't an alternative.

[HomeAgain]

I wouldn't care.  What someone else's 8yo boy sees or doesn't isn't my concern.

 

If it did bother me, though, I'd end up taking one of two routes.  Since the mother seems oblivious to rules, I'd point it out to her.  Loudly.  So everyone in the locker room could hear me point out very kindly exactly what the rules state and that I'd be more than happy to go get the key for the family room for her.  If that didn't work I'd inform the gym staff.

[Valley Girl]

I would absolutely not offer unsolicited tips to the mom. I'd alert the staff next time it happens. If people don't like the policy, no one's forcing them to use that facility. Or they can take their arguments against policies they find unreasonable to management.

 

I agree. The facility already offers an accommodation for people whose kids who aren't ready to be in the locker room alone after the age of 4--it's called the family room. If it's occupied, you wait your turn. This woman's convenience, no matter what her reason is, does not trump the comfort of everybody else. And there is nothing wrong with adult women not wanting a 10-year-old of the opposite sex in the room while they or their daughters are changing. If she doesn't like the rules, she should find someplace else to swi. I mean, it's not as though she doesn't have the option of the family room although I do agree with a PP who said a parent with children of all the same gender should leave the family room available for others and use the locker room instead as a courtesy. (If they have an exceptional situation such as a medical need requiring extra consideration, that would be different, of course.) I get very tired of the whole "the rules don't apply to me" mentality.

[bettyandbob]

I do agree with following the rule too, but I do feel for people who feel the need to take their kid in with them when there isn't an alternative.

The question in the op has an alternative. The woman just didn't like the option. It's not stated what's wrong with the option, but I'm guessing having to wait her turn is the problem. If that is her problem, she needs to get over her sense of entitlement. She needs to plan her visit to the facility knowing she needs to wait and her sons need to wait.

[brehon]

Where my girls swim there are signs on the locker rooms which limit the age of opposite gendered children in the locker rooms to 4 and under. There are also 2 family changing rooms and 4 (?) changing stalls (think of free-standing canvas tents - tall, not wide). In the women's locker room (and I assume the men's) there are no changing stalls, just benches in front of the lockers and 3 or 4 shower stalls. My girls (11 & 12) would be very uncomfortable with an 8-10 yo boy in the women's locker room. They don't even like their brothers to see them undressed. Frankly, they shouldn't have to put up with some mom who blatantly disregards the rules and then snaps at the person who pointed it out.

 

I have very little sympathy for this woman, especially given that the family changing rooms were open. Whatever her motivations she comes across as inconsiderate of others' needs and comfort levels. If it is indeed true that her older son is younger than he looks, then she needs to wait for the family changing rooms (and he's probably not a 3 year old who looks 10).

[barnwife]

They have family restrooms.  She should suck it up and wait if she's afraid to send her son into the men's room.

 

I feel sorry for boys who are forced to use the ladies' when they are old enough to be embarrassed about it.  :/

 

The cutoff at our rec center is 3yo.  There is one lady who habitually ignores this.  Her oldest boy is at least 5yo.  My daughters have started to comment about it.  5+yo is too old for a kid to be standing around looking at naked people of the opposite sex in a locker room.  (This kind of comment got me accused of being a perv before, but I still believe it.)

 

I don't know if I'd report this myself, but I would be irritated and might not try too hard to hide it.

I bolded the stuff above.

 

There is...no way...my 5.5 yo could use a locker room by himself. He is so introverted that even if he were willing to attempt it, he'd walk into the locker room and find a place to hide. Then he'd be so overwhelmed that he'd just do nothing. And I don't know that he'd yell if someone was bothering him.

 

When the kids and I swim this summer, we will either use the 1 family restroom our facility has (my preference as he will be almost 6) or he's coming in with me. FTR, no one in our family stands around looking at naked people of any sex in a locker room.

 

Sorry, but the stuff I bolded is really irritating me this morning. I am already in a mood though...so I am probably overreacting.

 

As for the OP, I'd either alert the staff or do nothing.

[SparklyUnicorn]

The question in the op has an alternative. The woman just didn't like the option. It's not stated what's wrong with the option, but I'm guessing having to wait her turn is the problem. If that is her problem, she needs to get over her sense of entitlement. She needs to plan her visit to the facility knowing she needs to wait and her sons need to wait.

 

Yes, I know.  I read the post.  LOL

 

I don't know that I see it as her having a sense of entitlement.  I guess I just try to understand that other people might have to deal with a difficult situation.  I don't see the boy being there as a the end of the world.

 

But I did say I think it is reasonable to complain given that there is an alternative.

 

I don't think we are disagreeing here.  I think I'm just not as passionately against the boy being there.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I bolded the stuff above.

 

There is...no way...my 5.5 yo could use a locker room by himself. He is so introverted that even if he were willing to attempt it, he'd walk into the locker room and find a place to hide. Then he'd be so overwhelmed that he'd just do nothing. And I don't know that he'd yell if someone was bothering him.

 

When the kids and I swim this summer, we will either use the 1 family restroom our facility has (my preference as he will be almost 6) or he's coming in with me. FTR, no one in our family stands around looking at naked people of any sex in a locker room.

 

Sorry, but the stuff I bolded is really irritating me this morning. I am already in a mood though...so I am probably overreacting.

 

As for the OP, I'd either alert the staff or do nothing.

 

Yep.  Mine needed my help for awhile.  Changing out of a wet swimsuit can be tricky. 

 

Plus come on, like everyone is standing there walking around naked.  Not in my experience.  This isn't a movie.  We aren't all waiting to break out into a frilly nighty sexy pillow fight.  LOL 

[Guest]

I wouldn't care. What someone else's 8yo boy sees or doesn't isn't my concern.

 

If it did bother me, though, I'd end up taking one of two routes. Since the mother seems oblivious to rules, I'd point it out to her. Loudly. So everyone in the locker room could hear me point out very kindly exactly what the rules state and that I'd be more than happy to go get the key for the family room for her. If that didn't work I'd inform the gym staff.

But, it isn't about what the 8yo sees. It is about the women and girls who don't want to be seen and that is their right in the women's changing area.

[Mimm]

I was in this situation. A mom was bringing a boy who was at least 10, maybe up to 12 years old. He stood there awkwardly in the women's locker room. The women's locker room is a place where women and girls should feel free to be nude. Before our homeschool swim class, there was a water aerobics class for elderly women and they were getting changed out of their swim suits at the same time we were changing into ours. After our swim class, there were girls of all ages changing, plus women who were going to swim in the next class (or open swim time). It just wasn't an appropriate place for a boy his age to be hanging around. And we too had family bathrooms, but there was a wait for those ones.

 

I only saw him a couple times and had made up my mind to report him to the gym staff when I no longer saw him for the rest of our session and we didn't do the next one.

[Lolly]

I would report it to the staff. If she doesn't want him to go into the men's locker room, she could just have him change in the lobby. After all, he is just changing. (Which is the same as him going into the women's room. WHo cares who sees right?) If the dc is too old to change in the lobby, they are old enough to change in the appropriate locker room.

[Mom-ninja.]

I would say nothing because I would not be uncomfortable with it. I do not have the typical American taboo and squeamishness about nudity especially when it comes to children. I don't consider 8 to be old enough for segregation. 

 

There is NO WAY in hell I'd let my 5, 6, 7, 8 yr old go into a men's locker room alone. Nope. Not ever going to happen. Ever. Even now I make my 11 yr old go in with his older brother into men's rooms. Never alone. If older brother is not with us I check the men's room, let him go in if empty, and stand there with the door open. Yep, at times a man has come along to use the restroom, and he just stands outside next to me until my ds comes out. I'm polite and thank him for waiting and helping a mother out. 

 

When we took swim classes at the Y (no family room) and boys 6+ weren't allowed in the women's room, I changed my kids in the van or at home. 

 

 

[AmandaVT]

Since there are family dressing rooms, that's reasonable. 

 

Our gym doesn't allow any opposite sex children over the age of 3 in the locker rooms. And they don't have any family bathrooms/changing areas. When we first started attending, my son was 5 and would not have been able to maneuver a men's locker room alone. So we would trek down to the pool area, take off shoes and socks (we go there for tennis normally - the men's and women's locker rooms are right next to the courts), walk around the pool and into the 1 bathroom near the pool. I'm glad he's 7 now and can manage the men's locker room.

[Mom-ninja.]

They have family restrooms.  She should suck it up and wait if she's afraid to send her son into the men's room.

 

I feel sorry for boys who are forced to use the ladies' when they are old enough to be embarrassed about it.  :/

 

The cutoff at our rec center is 3yo.  There is one lady who habitually ignores this.  Her oldest boy is at least 5yo.  My daughters have started to comment about it.  5+yo is too old for a kid to be standing around looking at naked people of the opposite sex in a locker room.  (This kind of comment got me accused of being a perv before, but I still believe it.)

 

I don't know if I'd report this myself, but I would be irritated and might not try too hard to hide it.

 

The cutoff is 3? Are you sure about that? You must have some seriously advanced children in your community. I don't know many children at age 3+ who can independently undress, shower, dry off, and dress all by themselves. Even if these little ones aren't taking a shower it's still struggle for MOST little ones that age to undress and get dressed alone. My 7 yr old still needs my help.

 

 

Edited January 28, 2016 by Mom-ninja.

[Mom-ninja.]

Since there are family dressing rooms, that's reasonable. 

 

Our gym doesn't allow any opposite sex children over the age of 3 in the locker rooms. And they don't have any family bathrooms/changing areas. When we first started attending, my son was 5 and would not have been able to maneuver a men's locker room alone. So we would trek down to the pool area, take off shoes and socks (we go there for tennis normally - the men's and women's locker rooms are right next to the courts), walk around the pool and into the 1 bathroom near the pool. I'm glad he's 7 now and can manage the men's locker room.

 

Man, another community with advanced children. Maybe it's in the water. Or maybe idiots are setting the age limit of THREE for little kids to be ALONE in a locker room. 

 

 

Do these people realize that if parents left children this age alone/unsupervised anywhere else they could go to jail?

Edited January 28, 2016 by Mom-ninja.

[FaithManor]

I would tell management and let them handle it. She isn't following the rules, and should comply. However, given how many people out there have anger management issues, I would be very hesitant to confront her. She is more likely to react properly when confronted by employees than by patrons.

[Word Nerd]

Waiting for a room to open up is a luxery not everyone has when it comes to tired young kids.

 

Not everyone has the option to choose another facility.

 

Taking kids swimming on weekdays is itself a luxury, not a right or a necessity. People always have the option of not going if it's so taxing to abide by the established policies and make use of the alternatives available.

Edited January 28, 2016 by Word Nerd

[Bluegoat]

I think if it is always mobbed they should consider making a bigger one.  I would wait because if that is their rule that is their rule.  I don't think it's unreasonable to be annoyed by the lack of accommodation though.  For one thing I paid a lot of money to go to that place.  Nearly $100 a month plus fees for the classes.  Would it have killed them to have more than one stall for family?! 

 

In a lot of places it seems that the family type rooms were added later, and they may have limited space to work with.

[Jyhwkmama]

The cutoff is 3? Are you sure about that? You must have some seriously advanced children in your community. I don't know many children at age 3+ who can independently undress, shower, dry off, and dress all by themselves. Even if these little ones aren't taking a shower it's still struggle for MOST little ones that age to undress and get dressed alone. My 7 yr old still needs my help.

 

 

The cut off at the community center facility I was a member of was 2.

 

There were several family locker rooms available. (I didn't use them as I was there to workout alone.)

[Mom-ninja.]

The cut off at the community center facility I was a member of was 2.

 

There were several family locker rooms available. (I didn't use them as I was there to workout alone.)

 

On those ground alone I would flat out refuse to use that center. It's clearly run by people of limited to no intelligence.  

 

 

 

 

 

Man, I keep having to edit to fix grammar mistakes. Geesh. Need more coffee.

Edited January 28, 2016 by Mom-ninja.

[Bluegoat]

Two seems a weird cut off - I really don't know who would care about a toddler in an opposite sex change room.  But I wouldn't stop going, I would just use the family room and tell them it was a silly policy.

[marbel]

Just for fun I ask my partner his thoughts. He was blown away by such young age limit. He pointed out that after swimming kids are often hungry and tired and may not be as able to function as well independently or be able to wait for a family restroom.

 

Lucy Stoner said the same about a child with special needs, but I would like to point out that even children without special needs struggle when they are tired and hungry.

 

I agree that kids can be hungry after swimming.  Mom should plan ahead and bring a snack to eat while they wait for the family dressing room.  Simple.

 

We've also waited for the family dressing room.  It's a pain. We always felt rushed because we knew there was a line.  Once at swimming lessons my son invited his classmate, who was in line behind us with his mom, to join us (son, daughter, me) when we went in.  LOL.  Uh no, the mom and I agreed that wasn't happening.

 

It's funny to me that people think it's fine for boys to go into the women's dressing room but, unless I missed it, no one has agreed that it's OK for girls to go into the men's.  

 

Oh, I do think 5 is too young. I think at our swim center the age cutoff was 7, but I am not sure.

 

 

 

 

Edited January 28, 2016 by marbel

[Katy]

Wow.  I'd hardly call a pubescent or prepubescent 10 year old the same as a 4 year old.  I'd not change in front of a ten year old boy and I would consider it borderline abusive to even take him in there - both to the boy and to the other people in the dressing room.  Frankly I'd probably yell at the mom to get him out of here RIGHT NOW if she didn't respond to the first person's correction.  And if she didn't do so I would march to the staff and request they correct it immediately. 

 

There are family dressing rooms provided for a reason.  Entitlement doesn't override basic decency and consideration for others.

 

I understand concern for young boys alone in locker rooms, but we're not talking about a huge facility here.  We're talking about the sort of dressing room without doors where you can hear your boys inside.  You can hear if anyone is chatting them up.  And if you're uncomfortable, you have them do the buddy system with groups of friends in the same class.

[PeterPan]

Just jumping in here to say I'm in this position, using the SN/family locker room EVERY TIME, and it IS frustrating when there are lines.  That would frustrate me IMMENSELY if I had to go get a key every single time, and like that mom I'd be *tempted* to break that rule.  Our Y has that kind of rule, and I respect it.  But they don't LOCK THE DOOR of the family bathrooms, kwim?  That is what needs to change.  It's not a closet with chemicals, is it?  What, they've had security problems??  Why is it locked??

 

And fwiw, I get really upset when people of the same gender (mom and girl, boy and dad) hog the SN/family baths and make us wait in line simply because they were too LAZY to walk the extra 30 feet and go to the gender baths.  Sometimes they're new and just don't know yet, and see the baths and think oh great, found it!  And I, not always quite politely enough probably, go up and mention to them that are ARE baths for their situation and tell them where they're located.  

 

So I don't know, maybe the gym had had that problem too and was trying to correct it with the key thing?  If she could get the key in on the way, that would help.  If they had a keycode that was told to only people who need to use it, that would work.

Edited January 28, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[AndyJoy]

I am a bit jealous. At 7 I was constantly reminding people my son was not 12. It made for some very trying times when he would be in a mixed age practice or lesson and the instructors were getting upset because he was acting like a typical 7 year old. I lost count of how many times I had that conversation and at one point I seriously considered making a shirt that said his age on it for him to wear.

 

Actually, this brings up a point, the OP was unsure his age. This child may not actually be 10.

I put 8 in an attempt to be generous because I have one of those giant kids :). Mine's 6 and the size of average 8-year-olds. If this kid is 8, he's the biggest one I've ever seen and far beyond my son's growth trajectory.

[bolt.]

I think I would tell the staff.

 

But, to solve the problem in general, I think at least the age limit should be raised a year or two, and it should be clear that "family" change rooms are for opposite-gendered caregiver I situations, *not* for the convenience of all parents of youngsters. It would help to add things (like play pens) to women's and men's change rooms (and allow strollers, for safety containment pr anything to increase the convenience of just having a little one in one of the main change rooms.)

 

In addition, any facility that can change the physical layout in any way should consider a 'moms and boys' group area as one form of family change room. Even placing this zone within a women's area with 4 or 5 foot walls (supervision plus privacy) would be a benefit to many.

 

A 'moms and boys zone' would drastically free up a lot of family change rooms for dads and girls, or families with girls and boys both (or adults with caregivers) during high-volume times.

[AndyJoy]

I would tell management and let them handle it. She isn't following the rules, and should comply. However, given how many people out there have anger management issues, I would be very hesitant to confront her. She is more likely to react properly when confronted by employees than by patrons.

That's what I'm thinking. My personality would usually lead me to say something poolside about it first like, "I wish they had more family bathrooms so the wait was shorter. I got tired of waiting so I figured out how to get my 6-year-old in and out of the men's room quickly.". But she already blew off a startled elderly woman so I think it would be more likely that she'd be upset with me and know I was the one who alerted staff if she ignored me.

 

For those saying you'd not send your 7-10 year old alone, would you really not given this setup:

 

Boy rinses off in the poolside shower and towels hair and upper body.

 

He goes in wearing only trunks and carrying his towel, underwear, and pants. Mom walks through the women's room and stands by the doorway.

 

He enters a closed changing stall and removes his trunks, towels off, and puts on underwear and pants. He grabs his trunks and towel and meets mom in the hall. This would take about 5 minutes unless the kid dawdled excessively.

 

While he is in there, mom calls in, "Son, be quick we need to go! Are you dressed yet? Don't dawdle!". This has the dual purpose of hurrying him and scaring off potential predators. She can hear his responses.

 

My son is low on the scale of executive function development but he could handle this much at 5 1/2 when we first started going there for lessons.

Edited January 28, 2016 by AndyJoy

[Word Nerd]

But, to solve the problem in general, I think at least the age limit should be raised a year or two, and it should be clear that "family" change rooms are for opposite-gendered caregiver I situations, *not* for the convenience of all parents of youngsters.

 

It isn't clear at all, as I have never heard anyone suggest this outside of this thread. The expectation is that family changing rooms are for families with young kids. 

[skimomma]

It wouldn't bother me so I would not report.  But if it did I would have no problem asking the facility to enforce their rules.

 

Our facility (the only public pool within a two hour radius) has a "no children of opposite sex over the age of 4" rule and NO family locker rooms or bathrooms.  Aside from the fact that my child at age 5 could not shower herself or operate the lockers OR the safety concerns, there was also the fact that the lockers rooms are windy mazes and there was little chance she would find herself to the right door.  Plus the doors are very hard to open, even for adults.  So whenever dh had to take dd to lessons solo, she would have to wear her swimsuit under her clothes and just put her clothes back on over a wet suit afterwards (even in -15 degrees).  It was awful.  One single dad we know would make a "tent" out of  big towel and have his 5yo dd change right in the middle of the pool deck.  Ha ha.  I lodged several complaints but now seven years later, we still have no family rooms, no changing stalls in either locker room, and rules about kids over 4.  Dumb dumb dumb.  So, in our facility I do take pity on moms of boys over age 4.  I would even extend that pity to a 10 yo who may or may not have issues I am not aware of.  

 

Someone mentioned elderly women being uncomfortable.  In our facility they are the most vocal critics of the over 4 rule and also the most likely to wander around 100% naked:)  That aqua-fit bunch is feisty!

 

We also have a problem with transgender people.  They are not welcome in either locker room.  They have been given a random vacant office to use to change with no shower or toilet facilities.  It is shameful.  A few curtains or a family locker room would solve all of these issues.

[vonfirmath]

It's funny to me that people think it's fine for boys to go into the women's dressing room but, unless I missed it, no one has agreed that it's OK for girls to go into the men's.  

 

Oh, I do think 5 is too young. I think at our swim center the age cutoff was 7, but I am not sure.

 

The few times my husband took my then-almost age 4 daughter to the pool for lessons, he took her into the men's restroom with him.  It just didn't happen often that he took her and I was not around.

 

[Bluegoat]

It isn't clear at all, as I have never heard anyone suggest this outside of this thread. The expectation is that family changing rooms are for families with young kids. 

 

Why would those rooms be better for families?  Other than the stalls which are there to accomodate mixed sexes, what is the difference?

 

Around here, there didn't used to be family rooms at all - they were added specifically to address the need for a space with mixed genders, like parents and younger opposite sex kids, or adults with caregivers of the opposite sex.  It doesn't say that, but since that is the reason for them, and there is no other advantage, why use them otherwise?

[marbel]

The few times my husband took my then-almost age 4 daughter to the pool for lessons, he took her into the men's restroom with him.  It just didn't happen often that he took her and I was not around.

 

Oh, sorry, I was talking about the older kids, like the 10-ish-year-old in the OP. 

 

[bolt.]

It isn't clear at all, as I have never heard anyone suggest this outside of this thread. The expectation is that family changing rooms are for families with young kids.

It wasn't clear at my facility until it was made clear (as a rule change due to high demand) and accompanied with helpful changes in the main change rooms. It made a big difference, and it made perfect sense. My girls and I previously enjoyed the small contained rooms (and weren't happy with the news) but it turned out to be very little trouble for us to learn to function in the women's room.

[AndyJoy]

Just jumping in here to say I'm in this position, using the SN/family locker room EVERY TIME, and it IS frustrating when there are lines. That would frustrate me IMMENSELY if I had to go get a key every single time, and like that mom I'd be *tempted* to break that rule. Our Y has that kind of rule, and I respect it. But they don't LOCK THE DOOR of the family bathrooms, kwim? That is what needs to change. It's not a closet with chemicals, is it? What, they've had security problems?? Why is it locked??

 

And fwiw, I get really upset when people of the same gender (mom and girl, boy and dad) hog the SN/family baths and make us wait in line simply because they were too LAZY to walk the extra 30 feet and go to the gender baths. Sometimes they're new and just don't know yet, and see the baths and think oh great, found it! And I, not always quite politely enough probably, go up and mention to them that are ARE baths for their situation and tell them where they're located.

 

So I don't know, maybe the gym had had that problem too and was trying to correct it with the key thing? If she could get the key in on the way, that would help. If they had a keycode that was told to only people who need to use it, that would work.

They don't pay attention to what kids you have with you when you request a key, so they aren't weeding out same gender groups.

 

I think the concern is unaccompanied kids hogging it. Kids age 6 and up are allowed to be in the facility alone. I often see groups of 10-13 year olds wandering together. They can be really annoying in the women's locker room when they yell loudly, dawdle in the changing stalls, and throw things over the stalls, leading to more screaming. I could see them messing around in a family bathroom if they had a key.

 

Getting a key is simple--you just ask at the counter where you swipe in and leave your keys or ID. The staff assured me they don't run out of keys.

[AndyJoy]

There was one woman of small kids I would definitely expect to use the family room. Her 4-year-old was in lessons and she had a toddler and infant in tow. She was unable to keep track of the toddler sufficiently and she ended up jumping in the lap pool fully clothed twice in one 30 minute lesson!! The first time a parent bystander beat the lifeguard in. The pool she jumped in was pretty far from where mom was sitting. I could definitely see her wanting her little ones locked in the family room for changing time! She had a stroller for the infant but the roaming toddler could definitely have benefited from being strapped in.

Edited January 28, 2016 by AndyJoy

[PeachyDoodle]

Haven't read all the replies, but I found myself in a similar situation just the other day. I had taken the kids to swim at the Y. We're there all the time, but we rarely use the pool. I noticed as we were entering the pool locker room that the sign said all children ages 5 and up should use the room for their gender. I wasn't crazy about sending ds through on his own (the doors are SUPER heavy), and I knew the locker room was likely to be empty at this time of day, so I took him through with me. It was deserted; we walked through and went on to the pool.

 

Afterwards, I was again uncomfortable with letting my 5-year-old fend for himself alone in the men's room. And again, the women's locker room was deserted, so we all went together. Everything was fine until the girls from the daycare program came in to change (normally they would be in school at this time, but it was a snow day). DS was dressed, but dd and I were still finishing up. No one seemed to care that he was there (least of all the girls), but I still had him wait around the corner, in the long hallway that connects the locker room to the rest of the building.

 

Later I wondered if I'd done the right thing. Our Y is usually pretty strict about age limits for everything. But 5 just seems entirely too young to be left alone to me. At least for my ds. And there is no "family" bathroom. There is a separate set of locker rooms for ages 19+ and 99% of adults without kids in tow use those, which explains why the pool lockers are usually empty. Then again, it sounds like 5 is a pretty standard age requirement for this kind of thing, so maybe I was being overprotective?

 

In the OP's situation, the woman should have used the family option. 10 is too old to be in the ladies' room, and there was an alternative provided.