how should I respond

[Roadrunner]

While I don't usually discuss our homeschool with my friends whose kids are in PS, I happened to say something the other day about being a bit stressed that we weren't going to hit our goals (basically get through our programs) this year, and I got bunch of eye rolls, as in my kids are so advanced that they should not really need to finish anything. I got thinking that such comments along the lines that I should just be skipping school any time I want to because my kids are ahead of PS are often directed at me, and I never respond to them, because I don't know what to say. What would you say in such situations? I don't want to say that we don't measure ourselves based on PS standards, because that would be interpreted as "we are better than you are" and upset bunch of people. Nobody takes me seriously if I say that my kids deserve the same educational time as their kids, because you see, my kids are advanced, so they should just be rolling in the grass. Why does it bother me? Somehow if feels like I am being mocked. Too sensitive? 

[abba12]

People don't like to see other peoples kids get ahead of theirs, or do more than theirs, especially if it's because the parent is using a different method. They'd be much more comfortable if your kids were nice and average. Some people actively object to accelerating a child any further once they're already ahead of grade level, and that parents who push their kid to their full potential are tiger parents. There's this unspoken idea that kids who continue to move ahead are being forced there by their parents. 

 

Me? I'm going to push my child to do the best they are capable of, whether that's 5th grade work in 3rd grade, or 2nd grade work in 4th grade, or simply a child doing average 3rd grade work in 3rd grade. That's not being a tiger parent, that's meeting your child where they are at and challenging them appropriately just like anyone else at their level. I have two kids working pretty much on grade level with each other in a subject, and with a few accommodations and the knowledge that the younger may possibly slow down at some point, I expect the same of them, both the on-grade and the above-grade. 

[NorthwestMom]

I think that many people compare how their kids are doing to other kids, and if yours are advanced, it makes them uncomfortable and possibly insecure. I would just pass the bean dip on this one and don't take anything personally. It's not about you. It's about how they feel anxious about their own kids.

Edited January 26, 2016 by NorthwestMom

[Guest]

That's frustrating isn't it?

 

Don't engage, and maybe choose your audience carefully if they cannot be respectful or polite. Don't unnecessarily make your kids cannon fodder for their issues, just save the questions and stresses for likeminded individuals.

[Seasider]

I just stick to nonschool topics of conversation. But if you feel the need to defend yourself, maybe just state that the kids set certain goals for themselves and accomplishing those goals are what you're aiming for.

[Guest]

I just smile and shake my head and say "naw."

 

"Naw. It's important to finish what we start."

[SKL]

"My educational philosophy is that it's better for kids to be challenged than to have things easy all the time."

 

I struggle with this because I have an advanced learner in b&m school.  A list of what she does might appear rigorous on paper, but even she says she doesn't ever feel challenged academically.  People think I'm crazy as it is, so talking about challenging my kid more would definitely not go over well.  :P

[klmama]

You've learned something about the people you were with, and now you get to decide how to handle that info.  It sounds like they aren't the sort to appreciate other people's dc doing "better" than theirs.  It's pretty common, according to an old friend whose dc took mostly AP and DE courses in high school and now is attending university on a full-ride scholarship as a NMF.  We don't talk often, but when we do she always expresses relief that she can tell me what her dc is doing and learning, and also what she's struggling with; she can't do that with anyone else locally because of similar attitudes to those you have experienced.  Basically, she just talks to people about other things in order to avoid the uncomfortable comments and keep the peace.  For her it's worth it in order to have a larger network of friends.  You have to decide if it's worth it to you. 

 

 

[theelfqueen]

I would probably say something like "Everybody has goals and it's frustrating to struggle to meet them." Then change the subject.

 

Edited January 26, 2016 by theelfqueen

[Roadrunner]

Yes, I don't discuss this with them, but let me tell you in what sort of situations this topic always comes up. Every single time our local school is on break or has a three day weekend I am asked for playdates during school time. Our schedule doesn't run the same as PS because we take different vacations and we only school 4 days of week, which we can do because we take less longer vacations. So often I say that we can't join because we are busy doing school. Without a fail I am told that my kids are advanced and I need to let them be and go play. When I point out that we are planning on vacation while their kids are in school, I am told that my kids should be taking all those vacations because they really are advanced and they don't need to be hitting books. Then the implication is that somehow I am a "bad" person or a crazy person, or I don't know. It makes me feel like crap for sure. 

[HSMWB]

I think I would stop giving 'school' as the reason you can't do something with them. You can just decline without stating a reason, or if you do want to do something suggest a time that does work with your schedule.

[Tanaqui]

"Well, that's certainly an interesting point of view." Or other words to that effect.

[Miss Tick]

Sigh. And the rub is, probably, that you don't want to burn those friendship bridges for your kid. I agree with pp keep it simpler, "sorry, that won't work for Jimmy."

 

If they push, mention that there was an incident during his research on incredibly transmissible viruses and that the government wants him to stay isolated for a bit longer. Or you could say "none of your business why" in whatever other way appeals.

[Roadrunner]

If they push, mention that there was an incident during his research on incredibly transmissible viruses and that the government wants him to stay isolated for a bit longer. 

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:

[zoobie]

I've always wanted to channel my dad and say, "Opinions are like a$&holes..."

 

They'd probably just get The Eyebrow.

[Farrar]

Good friends get a real conversation, at least for me. You have goals, you have a different schedule, your kids get plenty of time off, it's frustrating to have a different schedule sometimes but you've found this works well, etc. etc. On this board, I find that there's often a "you don't have to explain yourself to anyone!" mentality presented, which, yeah, true, but I want to explain myself to good friends. Otherwise what's the point of having friends? I want them to explain the things in their life that are different too. And they're good friends because they're not going to be judgey - their questions will be reasonable. They may have a difference of opinion, but they'll express it respectfully - I'm not going to be friends with people who are going to be negative and critical, but I don't mind getting questioned if it's someone I consider a good friend.

 

Casual friends... meh. I think pass the bean dip, just shrug, let it go. I know it's annoying - I get that too, but often from other homeschoolers. Everyone is different. It's fine. I think that's part of having casual friends - you can let little things like that go. And, honestly, I do think it's a little thing.

[zoobie]

Good friends get a real conversation, at least for me. You have goals, you have a different schedule, your kids get plenty of time off, it's frustrating to have a different schedule sometimes but you've found this works well, etc. etc. On this board, I find that there's often a "you don't have to explain yourself to anyone!" mentality presented, which, yeah, true, but I want to explain myself to good friends. Otherwise what's the point of having friends? I want them to explain the things in their life that are different too. And they're good friends because they're not going to be judgey - their questions will be reasonable. They may have a difference of opinion, but they'll express it respectfully - I'm not going to be friends with people who are going to be negative and critical, but I don't mind getting questioned if it's someone I consider a good friend.

 

Casual friends... meh. I think pass the bean dip, just shrug, let it go. I know it's annoying - I get that too, but often from other homeschoolers. Everyone is different. It's fine. I think that's part of having casual friends - you can let little things like that go. And, honestly, I do think it's a little thing.

True. I didn't get the impression this was a close friend situation, but I would discuss goals and such in a judgment-free give-and-take with a good friend.

[skimomma]

"Sorry, we have plans."  Best to not engage.

[Katy]

A lot of parents feel guilty about not homeschooling their kids.  Especially when there's been a ton of violence in the media lately.  So when you can stand to spend that much time with their kids, to some of them you're already a better parent because they can't wait for school to start so they can get away from their kids.  Even though they're afraid of school violence.  So you're already the overachieving parent. And then when you complain your advanced kid isn't meeting your too-advanced standards...  it's like rubbing salt in their wounds.

 

Stop complaining or expressing fears about home school. It's rude.  Only discuss it with other home school moms or a mom who comes to you and asks about homeschooling because she's considering it.

 

FYI..  This is a fantastic place to complain about kids who aren't going to meet your goal.

[SebastianCat]

Yes, I don't discuss this with them, but let me tell you in what sort of situations this topic always comes up. Every single time our local school is on break or has a three day weekend I am asked for playdates during school time. Our schedule doesn't run the same as PS because we take different vacations and we only school 4 days of week, which we can do because we take less longer vacations. So often I say that we can't join because we are busy doing school. Without a fail I am told that my kids are advanced and I need to let them be and go play. When I point out that we are planning on vacation while their kids are in school, I am told that my kids should be taking all those vacations because they really are advanced and they don't need to be hitting books. Then the implication is that somehow I am a "bad" person or a crazy person, or I don't know. It makes me feel like crap for sure. 

 

Especially with these particular friends, in the future I wouldn't respond with any details.   Just say, "Sorry, we can't make it that day" or "Sorry, we have plans."   I think it's human nature for some parents to feel threatened or insecure in your situation, simply because you've chosen a different path for your children's education that doesn't fit their mold.   I wouldn't try to explain anything - just politely decline the invitation.

[Guest]

Yes, I don't discuss this with them, but let me tell you in what sort of situations this topic always comes up. Every single time our local school is on break or has a three day weekend I am asked for playdates during school time. Our schedule doesn't run the same as PS because we take different vacations and we only school 4 days of week, which we can do because we take less longer vacations. So often I say that we can't join because we are busy doing school. Without a fail I am told that my kids are advanced and I need to let them be and go play. When I point out that we are planning on vacation while their kids are in school, I am told that my kids should be taking all those vacations because they really are advanced and they don't need to be hitting books. Then the implication is that somehow I am a "bad" person or a crazy person, or I don't know. It makes me feel like crap for sure. 

 

That's so aggravating.

 

Not to mention, I don't think these people understand the nature of books. They are in the paradigm where you read to memorize for the test. Once you can pass the test, book time is over.

 

Lame.

 

If pushed after I said the bit about goals or sticktoitiveness, I'd get pretty pointed about it. I did that once. A woman at a certain place where *I* expected kids to sit and be reasonably quiet, so I made my kids do that, had her kids running around making a racket. Week after week she kept complimenting my kid's polite behavior and then in the next breath insisting to me that I should let them get up and do whatever they wanted. Finally once I asked her HOW she thinks my kids learned to be polite in this setting? Hint: not through me letting them be impolite. She stopped, thank goodness because it was legitimately stressing me out!

[lllll]

nm

Edited January 31, 2016 by - 8 95

[Chris in VA]

To me, it seems like they are thinking they know your kids better than you do, and also know the very nature of children better. They seem to be accusing you of pushing too hard. They seem to feel sorry for your kids out of some misplaced sympathy.

I guess you could remind them that your children only school 4 days a week.

[Roadrunner]

Good friends get a real conversation, at least for me. You have goals, you have a different schedule, your kids get plenty of time off, it's frustrating to have a different schedule sometimes but you've found this works well, etc. etc. On this board, I find that there's often a "you don't have to explain yourself to anyone!" mentality presented, which, yeah, true, but I want to explain myself to good friends. Otherwise what's the point of having friends? I want them to explain the things in their life that are different too. And they're good friends because they're not going to be judgey - their questions will be reasonable. They may have a difference of opinion, but they'll express it respectfully - I'm not going to be friends with people who are going to be negative and critical, but I don't mind getting questioned if it's someone I consider a good friend.

 

Casual friends... meh. I think pass the bean dip, just shrug, let it go. I know it's annoying - I get that too, but often from other homeschoolers. Everyone is different. It's fine. I think that's part of having casual friends - you can let little things like that go. And, honestly, I do think it's a little thing.

 

Yes, these are close friends, but how would you explain yourself to therm? It's not the differences in schedule that they are all objecting, but the fact that my kids really should be studying as much because they are ahead. Basically in their minds I should be able to drop things and go play any day because once you are ahead of PS, there is no need to learn. You only learn to not fall behind. Why do you want them to be so head? lalalala. Honestly, it should be an easy question to answer, but it isn't. I don't know what to say without insulting their choice. PS standards are not my standards. Yes, my standards are better. Can't say without upsetting people, and I don't want to upset my close friends. Thoughts? 

[Roadrunner]

To me, it seems like they are thinking they know your kids better than you do, and also know the very nature of children better. They seem to be accusing you of pushing too hard. They seem to feel sorry for your kids out of some misplaced sympathy.

I guess you could remind them that your children only school 4 days a week.

Yes, yes, yes! They are most definitely feeling sorry for my kids and in the process making me feel like crap. My kids work hard, but they love their homeschool. They love books, and strangely my older likes to spend hours on math. It's incomprehensible to my friends. Telling them that is a waste of time. Oh, the crazy person making excuses. 

[Guest]

"I know a lot about homeschooling, and I promise I am doing it the right way//doing right by my kids. Let's leave our kid's educations to their respective teachers OK? We can't do that thing you just asked us to do. See you next Friday."

 

 

[Roadrunner]

"I know a lot about homeschooling, and I promise I am doing it the right way//doing right by my kids. Let's leave our kid's educations to their respective teachers OK? We can't do that thing you just asked us to do. See you next Friday."

 

I tried the sports analogy along the lines that if your kid is good at sports, you don't just stop doing sports because of that. Still an eye roll. 

[mathnerd]

I have learned to keep a tight control on what I say about education in most situations. I think that you should limit your homeschooling related discussions to homeschooling boards (like this one) or with other homeschooler friends IRL and simply use the time with PS parents to have social conversations like what sports their kids like, the weather, recipes or movies or favorite restaurants etc. 

 

Don't tell them why you can't do playdates during the PS vacations. Just say that you have an appointment (could be interpreted as doctor, dentist etc) and cannot make it - that way, you don't burn bridges with these friends, they don't bother you with comments about your home education plans and you all can get along great together.

[Denise in IN]

Yes, these are close friends, but how would you explain yourself to therm? It's not the differences in schedule that they are all objecting, but the fact that my kids really should be studying as much because they are ahead. Basically in their minds I should be able to drop things and go play any day because once you are ahead of PS, there is no need to learn. You only learn to not fall behind. Why do you want them to be so head? lalalala. Honestly, it should be an easy question to answer, but it isn't. I don't know what to say without insulting their choice. PS standards are not my standards. Yes, my standards are better. Can't say without upsetting people, and I don't want to upset my close friends. Thoughts? 

 

It's not about different schooling or even different standards.  It's about them respecting you enough to respect your schedule and your choices.  You have school scheduled on that day, and while you can choose to change your schedule if you wish, it shouldn't be done "just because your kids are ahead so they don't really need to do school"! 

 

If they are close friends, I'd address it in the context of them respecting your schedule and not invalidating your choices by their comments.  If it was a casual acquaintance, I'd pass the bean dip this time and give less information in the future.

[zoobie]

It's not about different schooling or even different standards. It's about them respecting you enough to respect your schedule and your choices. You have school scheduled on that day, and while you can choose to change your schedule if you wish, it shouldn't be done "just because your kids are ahead so they don't really need to do school"!

 

If they are close friends, I'd address it in the context of them respecting your schedule and not invalidating your choices by their comments. If it was a casual acquaintance, I'd pass the bean dip this time and give less information in the future.

Exactly. Next time you plan a field trip, call them to skip school and join you. :P

[heartlikealion]

Unless you told them that your children are ahead or advanced, I would never assume that is why they are rolling their eyes. I would think they are rolling their eyes because they think, "big deal. You don't finish the textbook/workbook/etc. What's gonna happen?"

[heartlikealion]

Yes, I don't discuss this with them, but let me tell you in what sort of situations this topic always comes up. Every single time our local school is on break or has a three day weekend I am asked for playdates during school time. Our schedule doesn't run the same as PS because we take different vacations and we only school 4 days of week, which we can do because we take less longer vacations. So often I say that we can't join because we are busy doing school. Without a fail I am told that my kids are advanced and I need to let them be and go play. When I point out that we are planning on vacation while their kids are in school, I am told that my kids should be taking all those vacations because they really are advanced and they don't need to be hitting books. Then the implication is that somehow I am a "bad" person or a crazy person, or I don't know. It makes me feel like crap for sure.

Ok I just saw this.

 

I would consider how important it was for my kids to play with theirs. If it was important, then I would juggle my schedule a little. Swap out one of my previous week "off" days (you said you do 4 days) and turn their off day into one of the PS off days. Or have the kids meet up sometime that doesn't interfere with school. Meet in the afternoon, do school in the morning. Or whatever. Our schedule gets so thrown off when we do things like co-op because it's a huge time suck but we do it mostly for the socialization. If they are good friends and you want the socialization, juggle. Maybe the moms want to see you, too.

[purpleowl]

Does your state have a requirement for how many school days you have per year?  If so, that could be something to mention - "We're legally required to do X days of school, regardless of what level the kids are actually working at. So we need to stick to our schedule."

 

But really, with a close friend, I'd say something along these lines: "Look, I know you don't agree with me on this. But they're my kids, and I've chosen to be responsible for their education. I don't take that lightly, and I'd appreciate it if you would respect my decisions for my kids, even if you would make different choices in my place."  

[marbel]

A lot of parents feel guilty about not homeschooling their kids.  Especially when there's been a ton of violence in the media lately.  So when you can stand to spend that much time with their kids, to some of them you're already a better parent because they can't wait for school to start so they can get away from their kids.  Even though they're afraid of school violence.  So you're already the overachieving parent. And then when you complain your advanced kid isn't meeting your too-advanced standards...  it's like rubbing salt in their wounds.

 

Stop complaining or expressing fears about home school. It's rude.  Only discuss it with other home school moms or a mom who comes to you and asks about homeschooling because she's considering it.

 

FYI..  This is a fantastic place to complain about kids who aren't going to meet your goal.

 

How do they know your kids are advanced?

 

But yeah, don't complain about your homeschool.  It never goes well when people making an alternative choice in anything complain to their more-conventional friends about the unconventional choice.

 

But, I have kind of been on the other side of this conversation - without meaning to be an annoyance.  I have been the homeschool mom who invites other homeschoolers to things - interesting, useful things, like student day at the Renaissance Faire or a trip to the wetlands center out on the coast on one of the first nice spring days - and hears "no, no, we can't do that, can't skip school."    I never pushed people, and never brought up their kids' status as ahead or behind, because, how would I know that, but it always made me sad that some people would never take advantage of the flexibility of homeschooling to go to something a little different once in a while.  And, a little frustrated that we were there alone. 

 

I agree with the pp who suggested that if the friends are important to you, maybe try for a little flexibility sometimes. It's true that schooled kids cannot just take the day off, but it's just not comparable to a homeschool where the parent makes the schedule.

 

Hope you can work it out.  I am not as unsympathetic as I may seem.  It's hard to maintain friendships. 

 

[mom2samlibby]

Yes, I don't discuss this with them, but let me tell you in what sort of situations this topic always comes up. Every single time our local school is on break or has a three day weekend I am asked for playdates during school time. Our schedule doesn't run the same as PS because we take different vacations and we only school 4 days of week, which we can do because we take less longer vacations. So often I say that we can't join because we are busy doing school. Without a fail I am told that my kids are advanced and I need to let them be and go play. When I point out that we are planning on vacation while their kids are in school, I am told that my kids should be taking all those vacations because they really are advanced and they don't need to be hitting books. Then the implication is that somehow I am a "bad" person or a crazy person, or I don't know. It makes me feel like crap for sure. 

 

It sounds to me like they miss you and want to spend time with you.  The only time my kids get to see their public school friends is when the PS has a break.  They are usually too busy otherwise to get together.  

 

You may want to consider if you do want to get together and try to rearrange your schedule to fit a day in with them every so often.

[Farrar]

Yes, these are close friends, but how would you explain yourself to therm? It's not the differences in schedule that they are all objecting, but the fact that my kids really should be studying as much because they are ahead. Basically in their minds I should be able to drop things and go play any day because once you are ahead of PS, there is no need to learn. You only learn to not fall behind. Why do you want them to be so head? lalalala. Honestly, it should be an easy question to answer, but it isn't. I don't know what to say without insulting their choice. PS standards are not my standards. Yes, my standards are better. Can't say without upsetting people, and I don't want to upset my close friends. Thoughts? 

 

Some of this depends on how they're saying all this. I mean, I can easily imagine it two ways. One, they're keeping it light, mildly teasing you with an eyeroll - after all, you're close friends - all just to say, hey, we wish we could see you more, we don't want you to be too stressed, we wish you could be more go with the flow and we don't totally get it, but whatever, it is what it is. OR... it could be that they're genuinely thinking, gee, I like Roadrunner and all but she's so uptight and pushes her kids too much and her priorities are all messed up. If it's the first one, well, I would engage - for close friends, anyway. If you feel like it's the second, I guess I would put them off and try to let it go. Sometimes we have friends, even good ones, whom we connect with because of a love of media or activities or proximity and we just can't talk about politics or religion or schooling or whatever because we're too different and it's frustrating for both sides.

 

But approaching it like they're good friends and you're going to really engage over it. I would say it sounds like you're starting from a lot of negative assumptions about their opinions - both of you and your approach to schooling, but also of their opinions of education for their own kids. In reality, they might care a lot about learning for the sake of learning and about being challenged. Just because they're urging you to be more laid back about your schedule doesn't necessarily mean they don't value those things. Their argument sounds to me like it's not so much about you and your kids, but rather looking for reasons to hang out more. It may be more about your personality - maybe they're just generally more laid back and you're generally more of a schedule and box checker type.

 

If I was talking my own philosophy with someone and didn't want to make them feel bad, I would focus, not on standards, but on the idea that learning is an ongoing thing. This may be projection to some extent, because this is how I see it, but I'm not really focused on whether or not my kids are ahead or behind the school standards, but rather that they are continuously learning and expanding their thinking and knowledge, whether at a snail's pace or a cheetah's. If my kid was a real Einstein, sure, that makes it so I don't need to worry about their future so much, but it doesn't mean I'd be content to let him sit around and not learn anything new for a year. Learning is a consistent, ongoing habit. Maybe they don't see it that way - but I feel like that message that it's about advancing from no matter where you are, is more likely to find a sympathetic ear than, my standards are higher, even if it's true.

[Roadrunner]

Trust me, they don't lack time with us. We see them all the time, at least once a week. Not only they are over our house a lot, but we have a standing date once a week when we go meet them after school to run. 

The reason why we don't take the vacations at the time of PS is because we run with DH's schedule and it's also cheaper to afford hotels during mid-week when schools are in session. 

How do they know my kids are advanced? Because they know my kids since they have been in diapers.  :001_smile: Then our children went to school together, so yes, they know both my kids were reading fluently before school. They (some of them) also always ask DS what he is doing and my DS doesn't need much prompting. He pours it all out. 

I don't think they mean badly. Really. Otherwise I wouldn't be friends with them, but they do make me feel like crap. 

[lllll]

nm

Edited January 31, 2016 by - 8 95

[poppy]

Am I the only one who thought the answer should be "meep meep!"

First because of the username.

Then because it kind of works, in a way, as a "pass the bean dip" alternative.....

[zoobie]

Trust me, they don't lack time with us. We see them all the time, at least once a week. Not only they are over our house a lot, but we have a standing date once a week when we go meet them after school to run. 

The reason why we don't take the vacations at the time of PS is because we run with DH's schedule and it's also cheaper to afford hotels during mid-week when schools are in session. 

How do they know my kids are advanced? Because they know my kids since they have been in diapers.  :001_smile: Then our children went to school together, so yes, they know both my kids were reading fluently before school. They (some of them) also always ask DS what he is doing and my DS doesn't need much prompting. He pours it all out. 

I don't think they mean badly. Really. Otherwise I wouldn't be friends with them, but they do make me feel like crap. 

 

Are they good enough friends where you can say, "Friend, I feel like crap when..." 

[Farrar]

They make you feel like crap. You know, I think you just need to go from *there* and not from what you're doing or why you're doing it but more from a, hey, I really like all of you guys, I like your kids, I respect your choices, I know you don't mean to make me feel bad, but when you say this stuff it does make me feel bad. It makes me feel like you think my priorities for my kids are messed up or like I'm pushing my kids too much or like you don't think education is important, even though I know that's not it, it just doesn't feel good. In the end, it doesn't really matter if they get it or not, and since they're good friends, I think you need to tell them - gently - that what they say is unintentionally hurtful.

[Roadrunner]

Are they good enough friends where you can say, "Friend, I feel like crap when..." 

 

 

They make you feel like crap. You know, I think you just need to go from *there* and not from what you're doing or why you're doing it but more from a, hey, I really like all of you guys, I like your kids, I respect your choices, I know you don't mean to make me feel bad, but when you say this stuff it does make me feel bad. It makes me feel like you think my priorities for my kids are messed up or like I'm pushing my kids too much or like you don't think education is important, even though I know that's not it, it just doesn't feel good. In the end, it doesn't really matter if they get it or not, and since they're good friends, I think you need to tell them - gently - that what they say is unintentionally hurtful.

 

I think you are right. On a next eye roll, I am going to say this. 

[Tap]

Trust me, they don't lack time with us. We see them all the time, at least once a week. Not only they are over our house a lot, but we have a standing date once a week when we go meet them after school to run. 

The reason why we don't take the vacations at the time of PS is because we run with DH's schedule and it's also cheaper to afford hotels during mid-week when schools are in session. 

How do they know my kids are advanced? Because they know my kids since they have been in diapers.  :001_smile: Then our children went to school together, so yes, they know both my kids were reading fluently before school. They (some of them) also always ask DS what he is doing and my DS doesn't need much prompting. He pours it all out. 

I don't think they mean badly. Really. Otherwise I wouldn't be friends with them, but they do make me feel like crap. 

I think you just answered your own question:

 

Why do we do school on certain days that are not on the PS's official schedule?  Because we forecast our schedule on dh's days off.  You can't take PS's days off and still take the breaks with dh, so you have decided to choose family time, over play time. The kids can play after school and on your weekends.  

 

I would just say that is the beauty of home school.  You get to set your calendar. You pick the days you work and when you have off, but you have to make sure the days you do school, to be days that are truly school days. Kids do better on a set schedule and so you try to keep school days as focused as possible, to make sure there is a clear distinction between school days and days off.  You don't want to start taking half days, because it would be an easy habit to slip into for both you and the kids, and that isn't the way you, or the kids learn the best.  PS do half days for teacher work days, and training...unless you are doing the same, there is no reason to take a half day.

[38carrots]

Yes, these are close friends, but how would you explain yourself to therm? It's not the differences in schedule that they are all objecting, but the fact that my kids really should be studying as much because they are ahead. Basically in their minds I should be able to drop things and go play any day because once you are ahead of PS, there is no need to learn. You only learn to not fall behind. Why do you want them to be so head? lalalala. Honestly, it should be an easy question to answer, but it isn't. I don't know what to say without insulting their choice. PS standards are not my standards. Yes, my standards are better. Can't say without upsetting people, and I don't want to upset my close friends. Thoughts? 

 

"They are not 'ahead', we are just using a different curriculum."