Wedding Attire Question (Update #105)

[Lawana]

If it is polyester, home dyes wouldn't work anyway, so good thing you aren't trying that!

[TechWife]

It is white taffeta with white fabric roses on the bodice. It is very similar to this dress: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/sorbet-ribbon-rosette-rose-bodice-dress-toddler-girls-little-girls-big-girls/4020065

 

I would definitely add a sash or a colored cardigan sweater. Find out what color the bridal party is wearing and choose a different color. Maybe a red sweater with little red shoes? That would take the "bridal look" away, I think. 

 

It is a beautiful little dress! 

[TechWife]

Oh good grief.  She's seven.  It's a beautiful dress.  Are we really going to buy into the idea that a family "needs" to purchase a brand new dress that will be worn exactly once, because people might confuse her with one of the wedding party, even if she will be doing nothing at all that the wedding party would be doing?  Do we really think that it's a wise use of the OP's resources to buy a new dress (she's already checked the local consignment stores), just for fear that the bride might be critical of the beautiful dress the seven-year-old already owns?  It's not like the OP is going to insert her dd into the wedding party photos, or send her down the aisle with the bridesmaids.  And if the bride is critical of the dress choice, are we suggesting that the OP appease her?  Why are we assuming that the bride would be critical anyway?  She is, after all, the beloved of the OP's husband's close friend.  What about that makes us think she would want the OP to go out and spend the money on a new dress for a seven-year-old?  

 

Slap a pink polka-dot grosgrain ribbon on the dress, get a really cute headband or giant hairbow to match, go to the wedding, celebrate the miracle that is two people falling in love and dedicating their lives to each other, and put some of the money you would have spent on a new dress towards your gift to the new couple or a donation to their favorite charity.

 

A wedding is a big deal to the bride, her family and the bridal party. To take their thoughts and feelings into consideration is a polite and caring thing to do. Did you miss the part where the OP said that this is a formal wedding? 

 

et·i·quette

ˈedəkət,ˈedəˌket/

noun

 

1. the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group.

   synonyms: protocol, manners, accepted behavior, rules of conduct, decorum, good form; 

   courtesy, propriety, formalities, niceties, punctilios; 

   custom, convention; 

   soft skills; 

   netiquette; 

   informalthe done thing; 

   formalpolitesse

   "the article includes tips on etiquette"

[Guest]

It is white taffeta with white fabric roses on the bodice. It is very similar to this dress: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/sorbet-ribbon-rosette-rose-bodice-dress-toddler-girls-little-girls-big-girls/4020065

I'd take some fabric dye to that, it is an awfully white, flowery dress.

[Guest]

RIT works on polyester, as does any other disperse dye. Darker colors may end up patchy but a light pink or yellow would due very nicely in a sink basin, tub, or washing machine.

 

Thoroughly soak the garment, making sure it is evenly wet with NO dry spots. Lots of squeezing.

 

When you mix the dye wear gloves and squeeze and stir the dye pot and garment as much as possible. That is what prevents patchiness. Letting it sit without movement or with a hot or cold spot can cause problems, but in pale colors they're almost impossible to see.

 

It's fun, and if you did somehow ruin it you'd just get another dress anyway. At least this gives the chance to not have to buy new.

 

ETA - if you can find RIT DyeMore locally that is targeted at synthetics and may give better results. I still more highly recommend iDye Poly though :)

Edited January 14, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[freesia]

Try a thrift store. They often have pretty dresses that are barely worn.

[Lawana]

Hmm. I have attempted to dye polyester crepe with no color change whatsoever. And dying cotton items sewn with polyester thread leaves the thread completely white. YMMV of course.

[Guest]

Hmm. I have attempted to dye polyester crepe with no color change whatsoever. And dying cotton items sewn with polyester thread leaves the thread completely white. YMMV of course.

With a dye like procion I've had the same problem.

 

Here is one I can highly recommend - iDye Poly.

http://www.dharmatrading.com/dyes/idye-for-natural-and-poly-fabrics.html?gclid=CKj0loP-qcoCFcVffgodmxENYA

[Lawana]

With a dye like procion I've had the same problem.

 

Here is one I can highly recommend - iDye Poly.

http://www.dharmatrading.com/dyes/idye-for-natural-and-poly-fabrics.html?gclid=CKj0loP-qcoCFcVffgodmxENYA

Since we were discussing the possibility of dying a dress that is likely 100% polyester at home by a person with a casual interest at best, the only dye I considered was what a person could get at a local mass market store. Perhaps you could dye it for her;)

[Supertechmom]

I would have her wear the same dress.  The bow in the back could most likely be carefully removed from the seams.  Go to a craft store or walmart ribbon section and find some wide ribbon that matches something you guys are wearing and tie a new one that goes in the front.  Or  find some tulle or a silky fabric and get a yard or two depending on size.   Iron on hem tape to the silky fabric to finish the edges.  Then wrap it around the child and tie it in the back like a shrug (scroll down to faux shrug) or like this (brownie points if you can tie a rosette bow) or like this (scroll down).  Pair it with matching shoes and great hair bow/band and I think it would look more evening formal then bridal party. 

 

I wouldn't buy another dress just for this one event.   Does your hubby  know the bridal colors?  

[Guest]

Since we were discussing the possibility of dying a dress that is likely 100% polyester at home by a person with a casual interest at best, the only dye I considered was what a person could get at a local mass market store. Perhaps you could dye it for her;)

That's just it though, dharma is my personal supplier and they carry the best stuff, at an extremely competitive price. What's one small online order? For me that's easier than trying to get to the store, TBH, and the results are more likely to be consistent if she isn't comfortable using something like RIT which is admittedly not as foolproof.

 

I dye fiber and have been doing so since I was 18 - it's my career and hobby, though it's on hold until I can build a studio space now that we are crammed in here like sardines. I'm also an instructor, do you really think I'm going to recommend something difficult or expensive for a novice?

 

That is a cheaper option than buying a new dress, which she didn't want to do. That is why I suggested it. A packet of that dye is $2.69 with minimal shipping, and it's *fun* to use provided you don't walk away in the middle of the dye bath.

Edited January 14, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[TechWife]

Another idea might be to get a scarf for her and do some creative scarf tying. Something like this: 

1-fold a scarf into a triangle, then put it around the neck with the triangle on the back

2- lower it so that the triangle drapes over the shoulders and the top of the arm (you can get it to short sleeve length on a child)

3- pull the ends of the scarf under the arms and to the back, tying it in a knot under the triangle part of the scarf - the knot will not show, but the ends may dangle below the triangle - that's okay

 

You could also try the above but folding it as a rectangle - it might work better that way with a child.

 

If I can find a picture I'll post one. 

 

ETA: I found a picture. It is #8 on this list - Knotted Shawl. 

Edited January 14, 2016 by TechWife

[Lawana]

That's just it though, dharma is my personal supplier and they carry the best stuff, at an extremely competitive price. What's one small online order? For me that's easier than trying to get to the store, TBH, and the results are more likely to be consistent if she isn't comfortable using something like RIT which is admittedly not as foolproof.

 

I dye fiber and have been doing so since I was 18 - it's my career and hobby, though it's on hold until I can build a studio space now that we are crammed in here like sardines. I'm also an instructor, do you really think I'm going to recommend something difficult or expensive for a novice?

 

That is a cheaper option than buying a new dress, which she didn't want to do. That is why I suggested it. A packet of that dye is $2.69 with minimal shipping, and it's *fun* to use provided you don't walk away in the middle of the dye bath.

I'm sorry you seem to be taking my posts as some affront to your expertise. Not my intent at all.

[helena]

Could you cut out the tulle from your dress and add a colored petticoat from Amazon Prime (if you have it?)

Here's a cute yellow one for $17 http://www.amazon.com/Lindy-Bop-Childrens-Vintage-Petticoat/dp/B012SPAD6K/ref=sr_1_4?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1452801896&sr=1-4&nodeID=1040664&keywords=girls+petticoat

Add a ribbon and cardigan and... maybe??

 

[pehp]

I'd probably stick her in a churchy dress and put a massive bow in her hair, and not buy anything new, but also avoid the flower girl dress.  I do not believe she needs a level of formality on par with the adult guests at the wedding. (I also like the suggestion of the sweater over the dress, but honestly--if she's like my daughter, that sweater will be off in a hot minute and it won't have mattered that she wore it.  But maybe your girl likes sweaters!!!) 

[kitten18]

I don't trust myself to attempt dyeing it.

 

 

 

I checked the 2 Targets in my area and they didn't have anything left in her size. Unfortunately they don't have the Easter dresses out yet. I do plan to check Walmart, Kohl's, and Ross (like Marshall's or TJ Maxx) today.

 

I saw some dressy dresses at walmart the other day.

 

If you can't find anything, I would add a colored cardigan, colored tights and make sure her shoes are dark (not white like the flower girl's will likely be).

[PrairieSong]

I'd probably stick her in a churchy dress and put a massive bow in her hair, and not buy anything new, but also avoid the flower girl dress. I do not believe she needs a level of formality on par with the adult guests at the wedding. (I also like the suggestion of the sweater over the dress, but honestly--if she's like my daughter, that sweater will be off in a hot minute and it won't have mattered that she wore it. But maybe your girl likes sweaters!!!)

This is what I would probably do, too. I might buy an inexpensive new dress if she would be wearing it again.

[Guest]

It really depends on the dress. You would want to confuse people at the reception and yeah, unfortunately it could really bother the bride.

 

Some flower girl dresses look like Easter dresses and would be fine. If it is a mini-bride style dress, or one that is obviously a flower girl dress, I would do my very best to avoid using it. Could it be altered to look less like a flower girl dress? If there are any satin/silk ribbons, replace them with more casual fun colors/textures. If it is even close to the bridal party colors, then I would definitely avoid it.

 

Do you know anyone in the wedding party that can ffwd a pix to the bride?

Yeah. My mom wanted me to dress DD in a dress that appeared to go with the theme of a wedding, though she was not a flower girl. I was like, "No way, mom! It will look like I'm trying to pretend she's in the wedding party!" :D

[Starr]

This is an interesting start for a 7 year old.

 

What can I wear to the party so I don't make the other woman mad? Will I fit in? Will I be overdressed/underdressed? Will the girls gossip about me? I have to buy a cheap dress even though I have a perfectly lovely dress in my closet because the flower girl might be upset if her dress isn't as pretty?

 

Really ??

[kitten18]

This is an interesting start for a 7 year old.

 

What can I wear to the party so I don't make the other woman mad? Will I fit in? Will I be overdressed/underdressed? Will the girls gossip about me? I have to buy a cheap dress even though I have a perfectly lovely dress in my closet because the flower girl might be upset if her dress isn't as pretty?

 

Really ??

Well, yes. Really.

[Guest]

This is an interesting start for a 7 year old.

 

What can I wear to the party so I don't make the other woman mad? Will I fit in? Will I be overdressed/underdressed? Will the girls gossip about me? I have to buy a cheap dress even though I have a perfectly lovely dress in my closet because the flower girl might be upset if her dress isn't as pretty?

 

Really ??

I agreed until I saw the dress. That is about as flower girl as it gets, confusingly so. I'm a huge fan of letting kids wear what they want as long as it is occasion appropriate but that skirts the line even for me. That is why I am suggesting dyeing it, because it is a lovely and fun dress and in another color would fit better with less chance of offending anyone.

[Guest]

Could you fabric-paint the flowers on the front?   A pretty set of sherbet colors...and a pretty ribbon at the waist and in her hair?  

 

[8circles]

This is an interesting start for a 7 year old.

 

What can I wear to the party so I don't make the other woman mad? Will I fit in? Will I be overdressed/underdressed? Will the girls gossip about me? I have to buy a cheap dress even though I have a perfectly lovely dress in my closet because the flower girl might be upset if her dress isn't as pretty?

 

Really ??

 

I agree with this with every fiber of my being.  I cannot understand this importance on what a 7 yr-old wears.  It feels like a moral issue to me, my disagreement is so strong.

[marbel]

This is an interesting start for a 7 year old.

 

What can I wear to the party so I don't make the other woman mad? Will I fit in? Will I be overdressed/underdressed? Will the girls gossip about me? I have to buy a cheap dress even though I have a perfectly lovely dress in my closet because the flower girl might be upset if her dress isn't as pretty?

 

Really ??

 

Hmmm, I don't think it's the same thing.

 

A child can learn about appropriate dress.  One does not wear a swimsuit to church...  paint-stained clothing to a nice party... a flower girl dress to a wedding at which one is not the flower girl. 

 

No need to talk about anything else.

 

[LibraryLover]

http://stores.savers.com/search.php

 

The best little girl dresses for cheap. I checked your general area, and I see a few stores that might not be too far. 

:)

Edited January 15, 2016 by LibraryLover

[TechWife]

This is an interesting start for a 7 year old.

 

What can I wear to the party so I don't make the other woman mad? Will I fit in? Will I be overdressed/underdressed? Will the girls gossip about me? I have to buy a cheap dress even though I have a perfectly lovely dress in my closet because the flower girl might be upset if her dress isn't as pretty?

 

Really ??

 

et·i·quette

ˈedəkət,ˈedəˌket/

noun

 

1. the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group.

   synonyms: protocol, manners, accepted behavior, rules of conduct, decorum, good form; 

   courtesy, propriety, formalities, niceties, punctilios; 

   custom, convention; 

   soft skills; 

   netiquette; 

   informalthe done thing; 

   formalpolitesse

   "the article includes tips on etiquette"

[Carol in Cal.]

The thing about dyeing that dress is, it is SO bridal that it's really hard to imagine wearing, say, to church or a fancy birthday party.

As it stands, it's a beautiful 'one of' type dress, so dyeing it would give it more use that it is unlikely to have any other way.

 

I'm familiar with Dharma, and they ARE the best dye store around.  I did not realize that their procion dyes would work on non-natural fibers other than rayon, though.  I'd want to check to make sure of that before I tried it. Anyway, their physical store is in San Rafael, in Marin County, so it's within cruising range.  I wouldn't try to dye the dress between now and the weekend, but I would make a stop in at Dharma the next time I was up that way, and talk with one of their knowledgeable people about how to handle this project.  It's an awesome, unique store in general anyway, and on the way to or from a hike of Mount Tamalpais or to Muir Woods it would be a reasonable stop.

[reign]

I would definitely not have her wear the white dress. It's practically the main rule of attending weddings. Don't wear white unless asked.

[8circles]

I would definitely not have her wear the white dress. It's practically the main rule of attending weddings. Don't wear white unless asked.

 

We're talking about a SEVEN YEAR-OLD.

[KungFuPanda]

That dress is sleeveless and it's winter. Can't you accessorize away the bridaliness of it? Put an a little red sweater, some red tights, some black shoes, and maybe a red/white/black hair ribbon? What color cardigans does she own? Match the tights to that. Pink/white/black, blue/white/black, etc . . .,it could cancel out the wedding look of the dress enough to fly under the radar.

 

Like this? https://www.pinterest.com/pin/196399233725431233/

Edited January 15, 2016 by KungFuPanda

[Tsuga]

Egads, don't dye it! I don't know about you but I think that would ruin it and someone else could really use such a thing!

 

If you think that it could upstage the flower girl, Target has some decent moderately formal "fast fashion crap" that I would consider for a 7 year old.

 

No, it's not gorgeous, but she just has to look formal and match the picture and not upstage anyone, as many have said. 

 

I think the black sash, red sweater, red tights, black shoes could work as well.

 

 

[zoobie]

That dress is sleeveless and it's winter. Can't you accessorize away the bridaliness of it? Put an a little red sweater, some red tights, some black shoes, and maybe a red/white/black hair ribbon? What color cardigans does she own? Match the tights to that. Pink/white/black, blue/white/black, etc . . .,it could cancel out the wedding look of the dress enough to fly under the radar.

 

Like this? https://www.pinterest.com/pin/196399233725431233/

I'd do black sweater, tights, and shoes to really change up the look.

 

Or borrow from a friend!

[KungFuPanda]

Or this!

 

http://www.amazon.com/Cardigan-Sweater-Sleeves-Flowers-Dresses/dp/B00OFHB0MQ

[Joker]

I honestly can't believe this is such a big deal, but I'm one of those who let my bridal party pick their own dresses (just in a certain color). She's seven. I would have her wear the dress you have if you feel it is the only one formal enough. I would do what others suggest and add a sweater, tights, etc.

 

Etiquette and politeness aren't supposed to be one sided. You do your best with what you have to attend their special day and they are to react in a way accordingly. 

[mom2samlibby]

We're talking about a SEVEN YEAR-OLD.

 

Age doesn't matter.  White is reserved for the bride and in a lot of weddings the flower girls.  

[KungFuPanda]

OR, a Facebook post reading "Impending Wedding! Second guessing the dress and no time/inclination to shop. Does anyone have a formal girl's dress to loan? Size 7."

 

You could very likely be offered multiple suitable dresses.

[Joker]

I just can't imagine being someone who truly cares about the color of other people's outfits to my wedding. I would never want to care so much about it that I caused someone else to scramble in regards to the dress their seven year old would wear (heck, even themselves). This kind of thing baffles me truly. I do get that people care but I don't understand why. 

[8circles]

Age doesn't matter.  White is reserved for the bride and in a lot of weddings the flower girls.  

 

& I think that's insane.  Seriously, if you care what a child wears to a wedding this much, I think you have lost at least one marble.  Probably more like a couple.

[Starr]

Forget upstaging the flower girl. (Who knows if there even is one.) I guess we all need to be sure we don't dress in the same color or have a nicer dress than the bridesmaids. Remember  those  bridesmaid dresses that you wouldn't wear, again, ever. :D

[heartlikealion]

& I think that's insane.  Seriously, if you care what a child wears to a wedding this much, I think you have lost at least one marble.  Probably more like a couple.

 

Then send your own kid to a wedding in a white dress but don't criticize people for answering honestly.

 

[Guest]

The thing about dyeing that dress is, it is SO bridal that it's really hard to imagine wearing, say, to church or a fancy birthday party.

As it stands, it's a beautiful 'one of' type dress, so dyeing it would give it more use that it is unlikely to have any other way.

 

I'm familiar with Dharma, and they ARE the best dye store around. I did not realize that their procion dyes would work on non-natural fibers other than rayon, though. I'd want to check to make sure of that before I tried it. Anyway, their physical store is in San Rafael, in Marin County, so it's within cruising range. I wouldn't try to dye the dress between now and the weekend, but I would make a stop in at Dharma the next time I was up that way, and talk with one of their knowledgeable people about how to handle this project. It's an awesome, unique store in general anyway, and on the way to or from a hike of Mount Tamalpais or to Muir Woods it would be a reasonable stop.

Procion won't work :). IDye is a jacquard product and they're my favorite line - one of them is targeted specifically at synthetics. It's a great store I agree. And I really love their blanks.

[8circles]

Then send your own kid to a wedding in a white dress but don't criticize people for answering honestly.

 

 

I'm also answering honestly.  I'm sorry, but I can't understand that POV at all.  & if we're going to be all nit-picky with how people answer, lots of people are saying that wearing the dress would be rude or disrespectful.  So DON'T send your 7 yr-old in white to a wedding, but don't criticize people who would.

 

I feel like people must be forgetting, but this person whose clothing is apparently so important, is SEVEN.

[Barb_]

I'm also answering honestly. I'm sorry, but I can't understand that POV at all. & if we're going to be all nit-picky with how people answer, lots of people are saying that wearing the dress would be rude or disrespectful. So DON'T send your 7 yr-old in white to a wedding, but don't criticize people who would.

 

I feel like people must be forgetting, but this person whose clothing is apparently so important, is SEVEN.

I don't think age has anything to do with it or she could just get by with a play dress or jeans and a t-shirt. The seven year old is an invited guest to a party financed by the honorees. It's never too early for a child to learn to show consideration for his or her hosts by dressing appropriately for the occasion. Boys and girls, preschoolers, toddlers, even infants should be dressed by their caregivers in a way that blends nicely and respects the day. Edited January 15, 2016 by Barb_

[Carol in Cal.]

Procion won't work :). IDye is a jacquard product and they're my favorite line - one of them is targeted specifically at synthetics. It's a great store I agree. And I really love their blanks.

Right, but I thought you mentioned procion earlier.

 

In the website, Dharma talks about how IDye does not work for all polyester, and cautions about that.

[Carol in Cal.]

I'm also answering honestly.  I'm sorry, but I can't understand that POV at all.  & if we're going to be all nit-picky with how people answer, lots of people are saying that wearing the dress would be rude or disrespectful.  So DON'T send your 7 yr-old in white to a wedding, but don't criticize people who would.

 

I feel like people must be forgetting, but this person whose clothing is apparently so important, is SEVEN.

It's not just the color.  It's the style.  It is SO bridal.  Honestly I have never seen anything so bridal for someone so young.  

[heartlikealion]

I'm also answering honestly.  I'm sorry, but I can't understand that POV at all.  & if we're going to be all nit-picky with how people answer, lots of people are saying that wearing the dress would be rude or disrespectful.  So DON'T send your 7 yr-old in white to a wedding, but don't criticize people who would.

 

I feel like people must be forgetting, but this person whose clothing is apparently so important, is SEVEN.

 

I didn't look at it that way because I didn't call people insane. I just was repeating what I thought was etiquette, which is what the OP asked.

 

I didn't know age meant social norms go out the window. Send the kid in a Halloween costume and it's okay?

ETA: I do think the age does make a difference, but I can see it either way. I like to err on the side of caution.

 

Edited January 15, 2016 by heartlikealion

[Little Nyssa]

Have her wear the dress! It's so cute and pretty. Don't alter it in any way. I see zero problem. Little girls are often dressed quite fancy at weddings and their dresses are often white.

[barnwife]

It's not just the color.  It's the style.  It is SO bridal.  Honestly I have never seen anything so bridal for someone so young.  

I disagree. I don't think bridal at all when I see it. It just wouldn't occur to me to describe it that way.

 

I can't remember what any kids wore to my wedding, other than 1 of my nieces. She did happen to be a flower girl. The only reason I can remember what her dress looked like is that it's now a hand-me-down for our daughter.

 

In the OP situation, it would never occur to me to spend money on a dress for a 7 yo when there is already one in the closet that fits the formality of the event.

[8circles]

I don't think age has anything to do with it or she could just get by with a play dress or jeans and a t-shirt. The seven year old is an invited guest to a party financed by the honorees. It's never too early for a child to learn to show consideration for his or her hosts by dressing appropriately for the occasion. Boys and girls, preschoolers, toddlers, even infants should be dressed by their caregivers in a way that blends nicely and respects the day.

 

The dress absolutely fits the occasion.  It is a formal dress.  Use colorful accessories if you think it needs it.  I had one flowergirl at my wedding & there were several other girls dressed in white, as guests.  It blended nicely & wasn't disrespectful.  I can't even wrap my mind around feeling disrespected at that.

 

It's not just the color.  It's the style.  It is SO bridal.  Honestly I have never seen anything so bridal for someone so young.  

 

I disagree.  Potato, potahto, I guess.

 

I didn't look at it that way because I didn't call people insane. I just was repeating what I thought was etiquette, which is what the OP asked.

 

I didn't know age meant social norms go out the window. Send the kid in a Halloween costume and it's okay?

ETA: I do think the age does make a difference, but I can see it either way. I like to err on the side of caution.

 

 

The dress in question is not in any way comparable to a Halloween costume.  

[marbel]

<snip>

 

The dress in question is not in any way comparable to a Halloween costume.  

 

No, but it's comparable to a flower girl dress. 

 

Maybe there will be a flower girl at the wedding.  Maybe she will be feeling very special and grownup that day, until another little girl shows up in a dress as pretty* and special as hers.  It doesn't matter that the child is so young.  

 

I feel bad for the OP; she is just trying to do the right thing. 

 

I do agree with others that accessorizing the dress with a sweater and/or sash, colored tights and shoes, or other additions would make it all right.

 

ETA: I shouldn't have used the word "pretty" above; that's not helpful or meaningful here.  I really mean the special attributes of a flower girl dress.

 

Edited January 15, 2016 by marbel