Anne in CA Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Why does everything happen at once??? We have complicated business and family issues with extended family as well as the fact that as much as I have avoided it I am going to have to make a complaint to the school next week. DH wants to handle the complaint, and we agree on the wording on the complaint, but... I don't like this sort of thing. I tried it when my oldest went to school and no school administrator is ever receptive to the idea that their wonderful school has problems. They, duck, they cover, they lie, but they don't like to acknowledge trouble. Except that they are going to have to. To be honest, I do not believe that dd's school administration is going to LIE, exactly. But they are covering up some things that can only turn out badly. There are some teen girls dd rides the bus with that have never been less than vile, but their threats have escalated over the last few weeks to the point of being horribly graphic. Among lots of other horrid things they told dd they are going to "gut her like a fish" and they told her friend that they had stolen the key to her house (this is true, they stole her purse, her money, her cell phone, her keys and the school did not deal with it, partly because the girl was afraid to report it promptly) and they were going to break into her house in the middle of the night and slit her throat. There was a one day suspension for this. I really do get that suspension as a general rule is a stupid punishment anyway, because keeping underperforming students home is not fixing anything. But dd and friends have to ride the bus with these girls. Actually, dd's friend is not riding the bus anymore, she lives with her grandparents who have serious, serious health problems, who are driving her back and forth to school in the winter on bad mountain roads. Probably the gas is costing them $70 a week. Gas would cost us $120 a week in my Prius, much less the Subaru that we need to drive when the roads are bad. We are simply not able to afford this, at all. There is zero way the violent girls parents can afford this. They have single mothers and live even farther from the school than we do. They also do not have any available internet so online school is not at all an option for them. But, at some point people are going to act out on violent thoughts. Clearly all the thoughts these girls have are violent. Yesterday they blamed their pot smoke on some other kids and almost got them arrested. The bus was an hour late while police tried to sort this trouble out. DD says the bus driver never blames these girls for anything. The bus driver rides alone with them for the last part of the rout and is afraid of them. So the bus driver was willing to let two innocent boys get arrested yesterday. ARRGGG. Any ideas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Can you demand that your daughter or the other girls be placed on a different bus? If the school isn't responsive, I'd bypass them entirely and start going straight to the police. Every time. With everything documented. I understand that your dd was not the target of all these incidents. But anything involving my kid would get reported, and I'd push for charges if at all possible. Nobody should have to put up with that kind of garbage. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Besides report to school admin, I'd consider a police report or if your school has a police officer onsite report to that person. Years ago between homeschooling stints my ds was bullied at an extreme level. The school wouldn't do anything. So we contacted the police. They visited both the school and the bully's home. It helped a bit. Enough to finish the year the way ds wanted then we homeschooled agsin. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 I'd make police reports for the violent threats. That is clearly illegal. You don't need to keep it within the school. And, I'd make it a rule that my kid(s) had to ride in the very front of the bus as close to the driver as is possible. I'm so sorry. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 I think those girls need some serious intervention. A suspension isn't going to do it. Maybe the school should provide alternative transportation for them. Or pay an adult to sit between the "bad kids" and everyone else. I agree with reporting the things that are criminal, e.g., theft of the girl's purse and the threat of a break-in, assault, etc. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted December 13, 2015 Author Share Posted December 13, 2015 Unfortunately I suspect that the school is trying to keep these girls from having a criminal record, which is so life limiting. Except that I really am becoming worried that they are escalating and not taking any warnings they are getting from the school seriously. Also, two boys who did nothing wrong almost got arrested yesterday in an effort to avoid confronting the girls. That has to stop. They need a new bus driver if those girls continue riding the bus. I may have to make a police report, that is probably the next step. It hadn't occurred to me, but the time will be coming if dh can't get the principal to get a new bus driver. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 (edited) I agree with the others. Report threats to the police, not just the school. I would also do everything possible to get her off that bus route, even if it meant changing schools or driving myself/carpooling. Edited December 13, 2015 by Word Nerd 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Lots of school systems have installed video cameras on buses too. You may want to see if yours has that (wouldn't pick up verbal threats, I'm guessing, but at least anything physical) or will install some. Can the county send along an officer or other adult to ride-along on the bus if these girls are such a threat that the driver herself feels threatened? Can dd's friend have the locks on her house changed? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted December 13, 2015 Author Share Posted December 13, 2015 The bus is monitored with security cameras, at the end of the day that is why the wrong people were not arrested for the pot incident yesterday. There is no sound on the security system, though. Also, most of the kids are too scared to the girls to report them. The bus driver is no help at all. In fact she deliberately tried to get the wrong kids arrested yesterday. The funny thing is that all the kids are sitting at the front of the bus to avoid these young women and so everyone else is sitting in a big clump according to dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Can't she record it? One can buy a cheap recorder these days. I agree that with the theft, this is a matter for the police. It's easy to think, 'oh, girls ... All talk." But girls do sometimes kill each other, and this is a very serious situation, IMHO. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Ugh. This makes so mad! What a horrible thing for y'all to be dealing with. :( 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Why are they still allowed to ride the bus? Milder misbehavior than that will get kids kicked off transportation. I would look up your state, district, and school policies on bullying and print those out to reference. I'm really surprised by the one day suspension. I'd also go to the police and look into requirements for a stay away order. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Wait. I can't get past the $120 a week in a Prius. How can that be? My sons Prius gets almost 50 mpg. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 (edited) you might want to consider going over the school's head and file complaints with the school district itself, or the police dept. or talk to a lawyer. those are some serious threats. for absolute starters, those girls shouldn't be riding the bus with your dd. I'd require school district personnel to make sure they don't do anything before she gets on or when she gets off the bus. if they are serious - and daring each other on how far they will go (as opposed to posturing), and there are consequences for them - retaliation is a possilbity. if they are serious - consider adequately dealing with them to be well above the school districts paygrade. they, and their families, are the ones who need to make adjustments. Edited December 13, 2015 by gardenmom5 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Why are they still allowed to ride the bus? Milder misbehavior than that will get kids kicked off transportation. I would look up your state, district, and school policies on bullying and print those out to reference. I'm really surprised by the one day suspension. I'd also go to the police and look into requirements for a stay away order. A friend who used to be a district superintendent had a kid who was such a problem that the school district paid the parents in lieu of transportation and made it the parents' problem to get this kid to school. In our state, if you live within a certain distance of a school that doesn't offer transportation (private school, another district with open enrollment), and the school doesn't provide bus service for your child, the district has to pay you to transport your child. They basically declined to transport him and paid to make sure they wouldn't be bothered much about the decision! I would seriously suggest something like this to the school and bring it up with the police. If the school doesn't respond, I would consider persuading every parent who has a student on the bus ask for transportation money in lieu of the bus, and state why (it would need to be in writing). They won't like that situation either, and maybe they would do something about it then. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 I agree with many of the others that this goes beyond a school/bus issue. Violent threats and theft are criminal acts and need to be reported to the police. If you do go to the school, make sure they know that if there isn't a MAJOR change, you will be contacting the police. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Wait. I can't get past the $120 a week in a Prius. How can that be? My sons Prius gets almost 50 mpg. Especially with gas under $2 per gallon. I about fell over when I filled up my car for less than $15 the other day. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplejackmama Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 No way I would put my daughter back on that bus. I'm sorry your daughter is living through this hell. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Police. I had a friend who was being stalked every morning at Walmart. Her routine was to drop her son off at school, get a coffee at Sheetz, then drive to Walmart and putter around. She noticed a man following her around the store. Every day. He was always in the same aisle she was in. And after a bit of time, he started giving her odd looks--slightly threatening. And then she saw that his car was also in the Sheetz parking lot. She had been being brave, "I won't let this guy change my life!" but then she realized he might trace her back to her son's school and she didn't want her son getting hurt. She went to the police and told them about him. Somehow or other, they got the man to the police station (fuzzy on the details.) The officer told the man, "You are stalking this woman and we know it." The man said he wasn't. The police officer said, "Yeah, right. The thing is, if anything...ANYthing...happens to this woman, you will be our number one suspect. We know your name and where you live. You'd better hope nothing happens to her." The man never showed up at Sheetz or Walmart again. Maybe if the girls knew that if anything happens to other kids they'd be the number one suspects, it might stop these threats from turning into reality. I wonder if a police officer would tell them that. Of course, they won't be the number one suspects if the cops aren't informed of the threats. I'd start with the police and get a paper trail going. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickerplum Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 A girl was kicked off our bus and not allowed back on for the rest of the year because she threatened to fist fight someone. Apparently this school doesn't have a zero tolerance policy. I'd give my daughter a phone and tell her to call the police on the bus. Actually, that's not true - my daughter wouldn't be getting back on the bus. I understand the driving issue, I'm not making light of that. Shame on them for letting this continue. I'm so sorry for you and your dd (and for the other riders/parents/bus driver). It sounds like these girls need help. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted December 13, 2015 Author Share Posted December 13, 2015 Wait. I can't get past the $120 a week in a Prius. How can that be? My sons Prius gets almost 50 mpg. It is 11 dollars round trip in the Prius. The Prius does not do as well as 50mpg on the big hills that are between here and the school. The school is 46 miles away, but it is the worst sort of terrain for a Prius. So, if I go there and get her in the morning and go there and get her at night, it would be around 120 for five days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted December 13, 2015 Author Share Posted December 13, 2015 Especially with gas under $2 per gallon. I about fell over when I filled up my car for less than $15 the other day. Gas here is 2.79 a gallon today, but I did just realize that I figured out the price of that trip when it was much more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 (edited) My first thought was "what is the driver doing?" Which is always my thought when reading the beginning of TWTM but i see he is scared of them too. Is there a bus driver's union? If i was feeling unsafe at work and my employer wasn't acting i would be talking to my union or a regulatory authority. Also maybe see if there are cases of schools being sued for harm coming to kids on buses? We don't sue here but i can see it getting attention. Edited December 13, 2015 by kiwik 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftymama Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Is transportation a privilege or entitlement in your district? Because clearly if you document they should be losing a privilege. If the bus driver doesn't want to step in because she is scared then she should be the one calling dispatch or the police. If she's too scared to protect the others then I'd demand a new driver. Either they can switch two drivers routes or remove her completely and hire someone else. I'd also find out what exactly she can be held accountable for as the authority on the bus and make sure someone in that chain made her aware of it. Encouraging and even helping with the false accusation of others would be enough for me to demand she be removed. Beyond that I would file a complaint with the police every single time. And then I'd file a complaint with the school every single time letting them know I've already filed with the police. And depending on who is in charge of the buses I would file a complaint with those people as well. I would make it very clear that there is a record of everything and no one is going to have the ability to claim ignorance if these girls do anything to another student. I would be fully cooperative and forthcoming in what I have documented in any incident of violence involving these girls. Typing it out, it sounds like I'm ready to pounce on these girls, but I refuse to be the one who suspected but did nothing. And when exactly are they expected to learn and behave appropriately? 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 The more I think about this, the more concerning it is. This isn't just a few girls bullying your dd and her friend. You said ALL the students on the bus are afraid and huddled at the front of the bus. The BUS DRIVER is so afraid of being alone with them that she almost got innocent students in trouble. This is one of those situations where, after something terrible happens, everyone says they knew the girls were dangerous but they didn't think they'd do something like THAT. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Looks like from phone googling that California doesn't have state law that requires districts to provide transportation, but if they do, the standards are low for removing the privilege. Not being respectful to the bus driver's authority is enough. 5 CAC 14203 I believe is the statute. Your district policy should be online. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 I would go straight to the police. Today. I would also contact every other parent of a child on that bus and you band together. Strength in numbers. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted December 13, 2015 Author Share Posted December 13, 2015 I am glad to see the overwhelming consensus is the involve the police. I know I'm going to sound like a jerk when I do. But I remember reading about the Columbine shooters and how they had threatened a mother of a former friend for two years and even killed one of her pets and the police refused to do anything, even destroyed all the records after the boys shot up the school and told the woman who had been threatened they would put her in jail if she talked to the media about the police's lack of interest in her safely. So I have it in my head that people who threaten will do something at some point. I do know some of the local police here and the ones I know are very decent, hard working guys. I think they will take me seriously if I call. I have only called about important things in the past, so hopefully they will take me seriously. There are going to be a lot of parents complaining on Monday so maybe the girls will just be removed, or a new bus driver will take the route and it won't come to that. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 I'm just seeing your thread. I hope your school and/or police do something. If you lived in our district the gals would have been off the bus long ago and our school would have seen to it that charges were pressed by the police if they didn't straighten up at that time. There are times I'm really thankful for our school district. I agree with the others that these gals need to find a point where someone will hold them accountable for their actions and the sooner the better. Keep us updated with what you hear - and yes, band together with other parents if possible. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aiden Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Please contact the police EVEN IF the girls are removed from the bus, you get a new driver, etc. Just because they're off the bus doesn't mean they won't continue this behavior--they may seek out whoever they see as responsible for their punishment, or they may switch to a new target, but they will continue. It's important that the police know so that, even if the behavior is directed elsewhere, the police have all the information and can intervene as much as they are able, or at least have it documented that they should have intervened if they don't and something happens. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 I understand the school wanting to give these girls every chance not to have a record, but this is out of control. I think I'd speak to the police, leave out the girls' names, and see if they are willing to sit in on your meeting with the principal so you all can find a solution that keeps all of the children safe. Maybe the cop can speak to the entire class and scare them straight. If that's not possible, you just don't err on the side of the bullies. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 At this point, I'd contact the police and document document document. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 I want to see if I am understanding this correctly. Someone was smoking pot on the bus and the wrong boys were "almost arrested?" But the video tape exonerated them? Why weren't the girls arrested? Why weren't they suspended? Smoking on the bus is surely against school, county, local, state, etc. rules. Is one of these girls related to someone high up in school and/or town authority? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted December 13, 2015 Author Share Posted December 13, 2015 I want to see if I am understanding this correctly. Someone was smoking pot on the bus and the wrong boys were "almost arrested?" But the video tape exonerated them? Why weren't the girls arrested? Why weren't they suspended? Smoking on the bus is surely against school, county, local, state, etc. rules. Is one of these girls related to someone high up in school and/or town authority? The girls were not arrested because they were not seen smoking pot on the tape either, according to dd lots of pot smoke was floating around the bus, but no one was seen smoking pot on the tape. The bus driver pulled over and called the police and told the driver that the two boys were the ones smoking pot. DD says she was sitting between them, talking to them off and on and they were not smoking pot. She says they do not smoke pot ever. The girls who probably were smoking pot were also spraying spray deodorant all over the back of the bus. So why the people covering up the smell were not the ones immediately suspected, I don't know. DD says the bus driver blames other people for the things the girls do all the time. That is very worrying to me aside from the idea that they will probably hurt someone at some point. Since it was Friday afternoon no one could be suspended yet, but I suspect they will not be based on the fact that the school seems very hesitant to deal with them. But dh and several other parents are going to complain on Monday. If something is not done long term to fix this problem then we will contact the police. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted December 14, 2015 Author Share Posted December 14, 2015 UPDATE: Girls are expelled permanently. This is hard for me on one hand, but on the other hand it is much safer for everyone. The bus driver is receiving remedial training from a top school district transportation person. Hopefully this is the end of this stressful chapter of my life. Now back to making tough business decisions, and figuring out how to keep my family emotionally healthy. Oh, and have Christmas! 21 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 Late in seeing this thread, but I am so glad that they are off the bus. We have had several girls pulled out of a private school here because they were being bullied. The school would not address it at all. They didn't take it seriously and brushed off the parents/students who complained. Why aren't some administrators taking bullying seriously?? Unless the culprits' parents are big donors or something, I just don't understand why they don't take a stand and make an example out of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 UPDATE: Girls are expelled permanently. This is hard for me on one hand, but on the other hand it is much safer for everyone. The bus driver is receiving remedial training from a top school district transportation person. Hopefully this is the end of this stressful chapter of my life. Now back to making tough business decisions, and figuring out how to keep my family emotionally healthy. Oh, and have Christmas! fabulous. hopefully this will be the opening of a more responsible chapter in their lives, now they are getting the message there are walls they can't knock over and just walk through. do make sure your dd and the other kids on the bus watch for possible future trouble. any hint needs to be reported. I can see these girls engaging in retailiation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Why aren't some administrators taking bullying seriously?? Unless the culprits' parents are big donors or something, I just don't understand why they don't take a stand and make an example out of them. Kids of big donors shouldn't be exempt from punishment for bullying. Ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 (edited) Thank heavens! Hopefully those girls will turn around and make something of their lives. :grouphug: Edited December 15, 2015 by trulycrabby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Kids of big donors shouldn't be exempt from punishment for bullying. Ever. I don't think anyone was suggesting they were. Just looking for a motive for why the school might be shirking their obligation to deal with this. Kids of big donors shouldn't be exempt, but all too often, they are. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Kids of big donors shouldn't be exempt from punishment for bullying. Ever. I totally agree - was just hoping school administrators wouldn't be so greedy as to overlook bullying in order to keep any money from rich parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 (edited) Unfortunately I suspect that the school is trying to keep these girls from having a criminal record, which is so life limiting. Except that I really am becoming worried that they are escalating and not taking any warnings they are getting from the school seriously. Also, two boys who did nothing wrong almost got arrested yesterday in an effort to avoid confronting the girls. That has to stop. They need a new bus driver if those girls continue riding the bus. I may have to make a police report, that is probably the next step. It hadn't occurred to me, but the time will be coming if dh can't get the principal to get a new bus driver. Criminal records of minors are usually sealed or expunged. And in many areas, getting to juvenile court is the best way to actually access services, especially for low income kids. That is not true in ALL areas by any means, but it's the way it's supposed to work. I am really concerned with the theft and the threat. The possession of the keys gives them the means to carry it out. I would contact that girl's grandparents and suggest that you both make the police report together of the different incidents... or that you do it on consecutive days. It will strengthen the seriousness with the police. Are you aware of any other kids being threatened? Is one person recording allowed in your state? (In most states, if one person knows a conversation is being recorded, it can be recorded. In others, both parties have to consent._ If you are a one person consent state, you might consider sending dd with a cell phone. She doesn't have to get video. Audio should be enough to prove what has been said. Edited December 15, 2015 by Laurie4b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 I am glad to see the overwhelming consensus is the involve the police. I know I'm going to sound like a jerk when I do. But I remember reading about the Columbine shooters and how they had threatened a mother of a former friend for two years and even killed one of her pets and the police refused to do anything, even destroyed all the records after the boys shot up the school and told the woman who had been threatened they would put her in jail if she talked to the media about the police's lack of interest in her safely. So I have it in my head that people who threaten will do something at some point. I do know some of the local police here and the ones I know are very decent, hard working guys. I think they will take me seriously if I call. I have only called about important things in the past, so hopefully they will take me seriously. There are going to be a lot of parents complaining on Monday so maybe the girls will just be removed, or a new bus driver will take the route and it won't come to that. I really hope that girl gets her locks changed at home. There could be reprisals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted December 15, 2015 Author Share Posted December 15, 2015 Thanks, everybody. I really hope this is the end of this situation. The district superintendent still needs to sign off on some things. One of the girls was on the bus today, although she behaved herself. The permanent expulsion will hopefully happen by the end of the week. I think dd's friend did get her locks changed, although I think her grandparents were humoring her by doing so. I think very few people are really worried about future violence. I hope the girls will have some time to get themselves together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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