I kind of understand celebrity crushes, but...

[Desert Strawberry]

I don't understand women ( and girls, but more forgiveness there) saying, "Oh,no! Celebrity Crush Guy is getting married/dating someone who isn't me! I'm heartbroken! Wah!"

Unless you run in celebrity circles, live in his immediate neighborhood, grew up in the same home town, your mama knows his mama, or some other close connection, your chances of ever encountering him, let alone seducing him and building a life together are literally zero. If you like and respect someone from afar, wouldn't you want him to be with someone equally lovely? 

Extra creeper points if above wailing comes from a married woman. Ick. 

[J-rap]

I've heard people say that, but only in complete jest of course.  Have you really heard people say it and seriously mean it?

[Guest]

I knew a married woman who confided in me that her son, Rod, was secretly named after Rod Stewart. Not so secret since she spent all her free time and much money going to all his concerts. Strange and a little sad.

[marbel]

Yeah, I assume people are kidding around when they say that.  Maybe some are a bit wistful for what might have been... you know, if they'd had a completely different life.  :lol:

 

Actually I don't even understand celebrity crushes in adults at all.   Unless having a crush = admiring a person's work (or looks).

[Garga]

I don't get them either. There might be someone that I think, "They seem nice..." but then I think that if we were to sit down to talk, what in the world would we say? They're a stranger. It would be like meeting any other stranger.

 

My MIL had a friend who read all the celebrity magazines and talked about them as if she knew them, in gossipy tones. But she was in her 60s and a rather lonely and overall eccentric woman.

[Farrar]

It's clearly in jest, but I have to admit I find it all a little juvenile.

[Guest]

I need to add that if I could have ever just had a few minutes alone with Joe McIntyre, my life would be so different right now! We were supposed to be together!!

[Sarah CB]

I never understood celebrity crushes - even as a tween.  However, I do get all nervous and excited and awestruck by even the idea of meeting my favourite authors.  One of them works at the university in town and I think I actually saw her in the hall last week.  I didn't try to talk to her or anything, but I was feeling giddy - which embarrassed me.  I'm going to have to get over it right quick as I'm hoping to take her class next semester.  I have a horrible fear of not being able to say anything to her other than to gush over how much I love her writing.  Thankfully, I already own an autographed copy of one of her books (dd tracked her down for me two years ago and got her to sign a book for me for Christmas - wonderful dd!), otherwise I'd worry that I'd be tempted to ask for her autograph.  How silly.

[mom2scouts]

What are you talking about? Josh Groban and I are meant to be together!  As soon as I leave my husband and my 5 kids, become 15 years younger, learn to sing,  move to NYC, and get Josh to dump his girlfriend, we will find each other and be together forever. Right? RIGHT? RIGHT!?  Haha, but honestly, he is a celebrity who is really kind and open to his fans and I know people who have met him over and over throughout his rise to fame and he actually remembers them and comments on their last meeting or gift received. That gives some of the fans a sense of "ownership" since they've been following him for so long and have talked to him on numerous occasions. Fortunately, the women I know like this joke about running off with him, but actually have more of a motherly interest and are happy that he is dating someone nice. I'd say that sometimes it's just a bit of fantasy in a boring life and maybe a marriage/dating relationship cuts into the fantasy?

[Word Nerd]

I think you're taking their comments much more seriously than they are.

[Farrar]

I think FB magnifies this. I have a friend who does this with a couple of different celebs. One is her "secret boyfriend" - which is a term I've heard from others. If I was just having a conversation with her IRL I think it would sound jokey and I would laugh. But on FB, it occasionally comes off as stalkerish or awkward or something, even though I know it's a joke.

[bolt.]

It's all just a part of the silliness of imagining unrealistic things in the first place.

[Bluegoat]

I think it's mostly silly.  I think I would be embarrassed to do it myself. 

 

I do think though that it suggests some interesting things about a fantasy life.  Our culture seems to have decided as part of the sexual revolution that a fantasy life that involves other people like your next door neighbour or a celebrity is healthy.  IN part I think because of course this person doesn't know about it.  But I think sometimes it can actually turn into something that seems a little weird.  Male fantasy tends (statistically) be about sex mainly, but women's sexual fantasies often include a courtship, family life, and so on.  A lot of it is probably possible because that person's real life is actually private - who cares if he doesn't like Dr Who really because you have no idea and can imagine cozy evenings watching it.  But if they marry, well, then a whole new fantasy life needs to be constructed.

 

I get celebrity crushes to some extent.  There are some people I just find really beautiful to watch, or have great voices, or whatever.  But I find that if I really find out a lot about the person (not actors so much because who cares really but maybe someone like a writer who you find out about by reading his writing) it becomes fairly easy to see them as people.

[Bluegoat]

I think FB magnifies this. I have a friend who does this with a couple of different celebs. One is her "secret boyfriend" - which is a term I've heard from others. If I was just having a conversation with her IRL I think it would sound jokey and I would laugh. But on FB, it occasionally comes off as stalkerish or awkward or something, even though I know it's a joke.

 

I always feel like it would be very creepy for the person to come across it.

[Murphy101]

I knew a married woman who confided in me that her son, Rod, was secretly named after Rod Stewart. Not so secret since she spent all her free time and much money going to all his concerts. Strange and a little sad.

I don't think it's any more weird than naming a kid after a well liked author or a fictional character or whatever.

 

Or inanimate objects. Like "River" or "Apple" or "Summer" or "Hunter" (and btw why doesn't anyone ever name their kid "Gatherer"?)

[Murphy101]

I have never had a crush. Even on someone I know. I mean, I love my husband. I guess that could be a crush. Idk.

 

I've never understood the fandom of this kind for anyone. I appreciate talent, but it's a real feat if I remember their name and I have little knowledge about their actual life. I have always been this way. I just never got crazy into music or sports fan stuff.

[Lady Florida.]

I don't get it either. I spent about a year as a preteen with pop singer posters on my bedroom wall and then I was over it. 

 

I can appreciate an actor for his acting, musician for his music, author for his writing, and I can even appreciate when they look good in addition to being talented. But I don't understand having a crush on a celebrity. 

 

There are some, both male and female, I think would be fun to hang out with but like Garga said, when you do meet them they'd be like any other stranger. You'd have to forge a friendship, and it might or might not come to that. And while some celebrities seem "so real" you can't really say if their public persona is what they're actually like in private.

 

 

Or inanimate objects. Like "River" or "Apple" or "Summer" or "Hunter" (and btw why doesn't anyone ever name their kid "Gatherer"?)

 

:lol:  :lol:

 

You know if that name ever becomes popular I'll always think of you when I hear it.

[Desert Strawberry]

Yes, I understand that it's jokey, but it feels kind of mean, too. Both to the Crush Guy and especially to her husband, poor man. I would be humiliated if my husband spoke that way about an actress or singer. I can't imagine it helps a man's ego for his woman to rave over some other guy in public.

There are celebrities I find attractive or intriguing, but it feels in poor taste to gush all over them in public. Just feels a bit skeevy.

[Katy]

I don't know.  I heard a story once that Mia Farrow was in love with Woody Allen for years before she met him.  So when she grew up she found some cute bikinis, figured out where his beach house was, and parked herself on the beach in front of it every single day until he came out and hit on her.  Of course, that didn't work out so well in the end, but she did sort of make it happen.

 

And then there's the Katie Holmes decided she was going to marry Tom Cruise when she was a teen story.  Of course that didn't exactly work out so great either.

 

And then Kate Middleton went to St Andrews solely because her mother wanted her to meet, date, and marry Prince William.

 

So to some degree, I think if you fix your sights on someone it's possible something might happen.  Doesn't mean searching for someone who's famous, rather than someone who adores you and makes you happy will be what's best for you, but it is possible.  

 

Maybe they just mean they can't fantasize about a married man without feeling guilty.

[vonfirmath]

I've heard people say that, but only in complete jest of course.  Have you really heard people say it and seriously mean it?

 

Agreed. All the times I've heard it said was completely NOT serious.

[Guest]

I don't know. I heard a story once that Mia Farrow was in love with Woody Allen for years before she met him. So when she grew up she found some cute bikinis, figured out where his beach house was, and parked herself on the beach in front of it every single day until he came out and hit on her. Of course, that didn't work out so well in the end, but she did sort of make it happen.

 

And then there's the Katie Holmes decided she was going to marry Tom Cruise when she was a teen story. Of course that didn't exactly work out so great either.

 

And then Kate Middleton went to St Andrews solely because her mother wanted her to meet, date, and marry Prince William.

 

So to some degree, I think if you fix your sights on someone it's possible something might happen. Doesn't mean searching for someone who's famous, rather than someone who adores you and makes you happy will be what's best for you, but it is possible.

 

Maybe they just mean they can't fantasize about a married man without feeling guilty.

I never heard that about Kate. Fascinating!

[Desert Strawberry]

I don't know.  I heard a story once that Mia Farrow was in love with Woody Allen for years before she met him.  So when she grew up she found some cute bikinis, figured out where his beach house was, and parked herself on the beach in front of it every single day until he came out and hit on her.  Of course, that didn't work out so well in the end, but she did sort of make it happen.

 

And then there's the Katie Holmes decided she was going to marry Tom Cruise when she was a teen story.  Of course that didn't exactly work out so great either.

 

And then Kate Middleton went to St Andrews solely because her mother wanted her to meet, date, and marry Prince William.

 

So to some degree, I think if you fix your sights on someone it's possible something might happen.  Doesn't mean searching for someone who's famous, rather than someone who adores you and makes you happy will be what's best for you, but it is possible.  

 

Maybe they just mean they can't fantasize about a married man without feeling guilty.

These stories don't bother me at all. I respect the action. I am from Hollywood originally, and scheming on celebs is a time tested tradition. A little weird, but it's all part of the fabric of life.

It's the housewives in middle America talking about it that's strange to me.

[KungFuPanda]

I've never known anyone to say anything like that and actually mean it. In fact, I think it's more socially awkward to believe them and be disturbed by the joke. Except, of course, the Rod Stewart lady up thread. She deserves a little ping on the weirdo radar.

[mamiof5]

Have never been into celebrities. Well, maybe a little in my teen years, but not to the extent of fantasising to marry them. I mean, they are people just like me, just with better voice, better acting abilities and definitely a bigger bank account. I'd love to meet the Pope... I'd be really excited about that :)

[PeacefulChaos]

So, IRL, I know no one who is serious about this stuff.

 

But.  

 

But.... there are fans of Kpop idols (and, I'm assuming, famous people in other places, though I can't attest to those because I don't see news about them like I do the others) who I can't really even call 'fans'.  The technical name for them is a sasaeng, or 'stalker' fan.  

These people break into people's homes.  They threaten.  They bully.  When a guy falls, rather than try to help him up or just get out of the way, they swarm him and are all over him.  When a guy turns out to be dating, some fan clubs turn into 'anti-fan' clubs, where they declare how much they hate him for 'leaving' them.  They hate on the girl he's with.  They threaten her.  They crash weddings of people close to the guy just to see him, and ruin things for the bride and groom.  They send weird things to people (used feminine products, etc).  

 

Etc.  Etc. Etc.

 

This is a huge thing.  I have seen actual occurrences (okay, online, but I've either seen video of this stuff happening or read news reports or reports directly from the artist) of stuff like this.  Fans swarming cars and almost causing wrecks (more than once).  At a fan meeting in Thailand, one guy was asked by the interviewer if he has a girlfriend.  He dodged well ('All these are my girlfriends! - waving at crowd) and they cheered. The interviewer said, 'What?  You don't want him to be happy?' They all cheered.  'You want him to be alone forever?'  They all cheered.

 

This stuff is messed. up.  Look, I have had some celebrity crushes.  But these people... they've lost their minds, IMO.  Like, there is a real life in front of you, and rather than live it, you're going to waste it pining away for some random guy you don't know?  Like, seriously?  Celebrity crushes aside, I've never spent my life thinking about them, even as a teenager and especially now!  I've got a life that a lot of those celebrities would be jealous of, because I can actually be happily married to the guy I love IN REAL LIFE and raise my kids and do as I please (within reason, but you get the point).  To me a celebrity crush is enjoying watching/listening to them, thinking pictures are cute... not obsession.  Not making it life.  Because it isn't.  It's not real life.

 

It's just crazy.  

[foxbridgeacademy]

I need to add that if I could have ever just had a few minutes alone with Joe McIntyre, my life would be so different right now! We were supposed to be together!!

I felt the same way about Jordan but he's "my type". I was lucky I fell in love with some one IRL who is "my type" too.

[DawnM]

I knew a married woman who confided in me that her son, Rod, was secretly named after Rod Stewart. Not so secret since she spent all her free time and much money going to all his concerts. Strange and a little sad.

 

Ewe!  Rod Stewart came on the radio the other day (I was flipping through XM radio and hit the 70s channel).  I had to turn it.  He creeped me out in the 80s and he creeps me out now.

[DawnM]

The ones I know IRL are just joking.

 

Friends will also comment on who they find attractive.  I don't find that weird.  

[Guest]

I have never had a crush. Even on someone I know. I mean, I love my husband. I guess that could be a crush. Idk.

 

I've never understood the fandom of this kind for anyone. I appreciate talent, but it's a real feat if I remember their name and I have little knowledge about their actual life. I have always been this way. I just never got crazy into music or sports fan stuff.

This is me, too. When I was a tween, my best friend had posters all over her room of her celebrity crushes. She would learn everything she could about them and would talk about them from interviews as if she were talking about a guy at school; i.e., "Sylvester likes shrimp scampi. It's his favorite food."

 

I'm not into celebrities. I would be star struck upon meeting certain authors, though. Or Joshua Bell.

[Desert Strawberry]

Yeah I understand they are "just joking", but that doesn't mean there aren't real sentiments behind it. Similar to how sexist, racist, cruel, sexually inappropriate, or otherwise offensive jokes are "just joking". But not really. 

 

 I'm not socially awkward because I find these comments distasteful. Words have power. I might be a bit more sensitive to the underlying meaning than most. 

[lamppost]

I've heard people say that, but only in complete jest of course.  Have you really heard people say it and seriously mean it?

 

I would have thought the same, before I discovered Tumblr. There are women on there who are truly bananas. And unfortunately yes, a lot of them are full-grown and married women, not just silly teens. I believe many of them suffer from maladaptive daydreaming, where the mental fantasies are so rich, detailed, and all-consuming that it does feel like a devastating betrayal when the object of their affections is "taken". It's a mental health issue for sure, that's made far more common these days because it's so easy for fans to interact directly with their celebrity crush through social media. And stalk the internet for photos other fans have snapped surreptitiously with their smartphones and posted. Some of these fans have aggregated every single second of video taken in every media interview for every film done by their chosen actor and turned it into GIFs that loop endlessly while the commenters feed on each others' obsessions with "his hands, his lips, his voice!"  The internet can be a strange and disturbing place.

[happypamama]

I need to add that if I could have ever just had a few minutes alone with Joe McIntyre, my life would be so different right now! We were supposed to be together!!

Oh, but you and how many other women our age? Wasn't he the cute one? (I really don't remember, and I don't know how he aged, unlike some of the others.)

 

I'm with you, OP. Don't get it. But I don't really have any celebrity crushes anyway, and I'd rather be married to my husband than to any celebrity anyway, no matter how nice he might appear (or how piercing his blue eyes, LOL, since I'm usually drawn to those).

[goldberry]

The few celebrities I find attractive enough to call crushes, the crush is actually increased by them being good husbands.  (Think Hugh Jackman - *sigh*).  I used to think Harrison Ford was hot until he left his wife of many years for Calista Flockhart. I was so disgusted I never saw him as attractive again.

[Guest]

I would have thought the same, before I discovered Tumblr. There are women on there who are truly bananas. And unfortunately yes, a lot of them are full-grown and married women, not just silly teens. I believe many of them suffer from maladaptive daydreaming, where the mental fantasies are so rich, detailed, and all-consuming that it does feel like a devastating betrayal when the object of their affections is "taken". It's a mental health issue for sure, that's made far more common these days because it's so easy for fans to interact directly with their celebrity crush through social media. And stalk the internet for photos other fans have snapped surreptitiously with their smartphones and posted. Some of these fans have aggregated every single bit second of video taken in every media interview for every film done by their chosen actor and turned it into GIFs that loop endlessly while the commenters feed on each others' obsessions with "his hands, his lips, his voice!" The internet can be a strange and disturbing place.

Yes, this. Anyone here read The Casual Vacancy? Remember the one character who starts a fantasy about the boy-band guy, while trying to pass it off as connecting with her daughter? I didn't like that book, but it sure does reveal JKR's masterful understanding of human character and weakness. I do see how a woman can get wrapped up in a fantasy like this if she is too distressed about her own aging and measuring herself against celebrities.

[HS Mom in NC]

I've only heard people say that kind of think in a joking way.

[Farrar]

So... while I don't fully get doing this (I mean, I sort of get it, but I've never been into it), I really don't get finding it offensive. I mean, what's offensive about it?

 

I'll also say, dh has jokey celeb crushes (Amy Poehler mostly... and Amy Schumer... and Tina Fey... he likes the funny girls) and I'm certainly not bothered. He doesn't post incessantly about them on FB, which, okay, that might bug me. He mostly jokes about it to *me* which is fine. I wouldn't be upset for the spouse unless you know for sure the spouse is bothered.

[Lady Florida.]

So... while I don't fully get doing this (I mean, I sort of get it, but I've never been into it), I really don't get finding it offensive. I mean, what's offensive about it?

 

 

 

Same here. While I don't get it, it doesn't bother me. I can't find a reason why it is/should be offensive.

[Mergath]

Yeah I understand they are "just joking", but that doesn't mean there aren't real sentiments behind it. Similar to how sexist, racist, cruel, sexually inappropriate, or otherwise offensive jokes are "just joking". But not really. 

 

 I'm not socially awkward because I find these comments distasteful. Words have power. I might be a bit more sensitive to the underlying meaning than most. 

 

Come on now, really? Are you actually equating a woman joking about how heartbroken she is that some celebrity is getting married to someone making racist comments?

[Anne in CA]

I don't know.  I heard a story once that Mia Farrow was in love with Woody Allen for years before she met him.  So when she grew up she found some cute bikinis, figured out where his beach house was, and parked herself on the beach in front of it every single day until he came out and hit on her.  Of course, that didn't work out so well in the end, but she did sort of make it happen.

 

And then there's the Katie Holmes decided she was going to marry Tom Cruise when she was a teen story.  Of course that didn't exactly work out so great either.

 

And then Kate Middleton went to St Andrews solely because her mother wanted her to meet, date, and marry Prince William.

 

So to some degree, I think if you fix your sights on someone it's possible something might happen.  Doesn't mean searching for someone who's famous, rather than someone who adores you and makes you happy will be what's best for you, but it is possible.  

 

Maybe they just mean they can't fantasize about a married man without feeling guilty.

I know a lot of people IRL who fixate on people and "make it happen" but it never works out well. It's not real.  For instance, I went to school with a girl who had a big crush on the basketball star of the school who was a senior when she was a freshman. Girl was a choir nerd, kind of cute, but not his type at all. She had a keychain with his name on it, talked about him constantly. She married him when he finished college, but when she was five months pregnant he left her for another woman. Yuck. They actually did get back together and have a couple more kids, but  I just think that unless an attraction is mutual it can't go anywhere good long term.

[Anne in CA]

I don't know.  I heard a story once that Mia Farrow was in love with Woody Allen for years before she met him.  So when she grew up she found some cute bikinis, figured out where his beach house was, and parked herself on the beach in front of it every single day until he came out and hit on her.  Of course, that didn't work out so well in the end, but she did sort of make it happen.

 

And then there's the Katie Holmes decided she was going to marry Tom Cruise when she was a teen story.  Of course that didn't exactly work out so great either.

 

And then Kate Middleton went to St Andrews solely because her mother wanted her to meet, date, and marry Prince William.

 

So to some degree, I think if you fix your sights on someone it's possible something might happen.  Doesn't mean searching for someone who's famous, rather than someone who adores you and makes you happy will be what's best for you, but it is possible.  

 

Maybe they just mean they can't fantasize about a married man without feeling guilty.

I know a lot of people IRL who fixate on people and "make it happen" but it never works out well. It's not real.  For instance, I went to school with a girl who had a big crush on the basketball star of the school who was a senior when she was a freshman. Girl was a choir nerd, kind of cute, but not his type at all. She had a keychain with his name on it, talked about him constantly. She married him when he finished college, but when she was five months pregnant he left her for another woman. Yuck. They actually did get back together and have a couple more kids, but  I just think that unless an attraction is mutual it can't go anywhere good long term.

[Lady Florida.]

I know a lot of people IRL who fixate on people and "make it happen" but it never works out well. It's not real.  For instance, I went to school with a girl who had a big crush on the basketball star of the school who was a senior when she was a freshman. Girl was a choir nerd, kind of cute, but not his type at all. She had a keychain with his name on it, talked about him constantly. She married him when he finished college, but when she was five months pregnant he left her for another woman. Yuck. They actually did get back together and have a couple more kids, but  I just think that unless an attraction is mutual it can't go anywhere good long term.

 

This post makes me think of Merope Gaunt and Tom Riddle. That certainly didn't work out well. 

 

I don't mean to make light of your school mate's situation (which is sad), but it really did bring that story to mind.

[KungFuPanda]

Come on now, really? Are you actually equating a woman joking about how heartbroken she is that some celebrity is getting married to someone making racist comments?

Yes. Awkward.

[Bluegoat]

While I agree with most people it really is joking, I do know people who take the celebrity obsession to a different and strange level.  TBH I find some of the fan stuff around certain tv shows and movies a little strange.  I get being into that narrative and talking about it with others, but some people seem to create a life that largely revolves around whatever it is.

 

The other thing I wonder about, is why celebrity crushes seem to be more a female thing than a male thing.  I know men that might have a sexy poster of an actress or whatever, but they don't generally read every interview, blog about them, and know every detail of their lives.