Have you become more blunt as you've gotten older?

[Trivium Academy]

I don't know if it is because I'm a stay-at-home mom or just getting older but I tend to have less tolerance/patience in conversation. Maybe I've become a bit unsocialized. I have a very perceptive personality but I find myself being short, direct and displaying a lack of patience at times in conversation only to regret being that way later. I think I come across (at times) as unforgiving, uncaring and my bluntness is a turn-off.

 

On the other hand, my life is so different from others and what I think about seems to be vastly different than what others concern themselves with. I can see how that can come with convictions or at least strong feelings in one direction. If one of those convictions or strong feelings is touched upon, I usually leave the other person without anything to say. :001_huh:

 

Does anyone else feel this way at times? Do you purposely try to be more open or empathetic? I'm not sure empathy is the right word here. I tend to keep my mouth shut for the most part but there are those times...

 

I can't say how many times I've held back from saying something to someone- even on the boards I weigh what I want to say and if it might be negative in message, I'll refrain from posting it. A few times I can't help myself.

 

I think I've lost some type of filter.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

Yes.

 

 

I know I caused some irritation recently because of it. But really, if you know what you are talking about and someone else doesn't and they insist on doing things in a organized group setting that cause frustration and delay why wouldn't you set them straight?

 

Last Tuesday, I had one homeschool dad call me "Ma'am" and not in a nice way.

 

I felt a little irritation myself at the other moms who acted so, well, feminine.

[Trivium Academy]

Lol, did you slap them all in your imagination? Do you see this as a problem (something to work on) or just a part of your personality?

[elegantlion]

Jessica, I've always been fairly blunt in person. I've offended a few people in my younger years by stating the obvious to me. I've learned to pepper my IRL speech with a bit of tact, but I do find myself becoming a tad less tactful in my older age. Or maybe I've lost my socialization skills as well.

 

I find myself becoming more tolerant of others, but more vocal about my own convictions.

 

I heard this analogy once:

 

"when you are 20 you care what others think of you.

When you are 40 you don't care what others think of you.

When you are 60 you realize that people weren't thinking of you at all."

 

:D:D

[Sweetpeach]

I'm pretty opinionated in real life.

 

As I'm aging (34 now), I find that my filter was non-existent in my 20's. If I felt it, you knew it. In the last couple years, I've seen the great benefit of having and using a filter. I'm now refining my filtering techniques.

 

This little diddy resonates with me:

 

Silence is Golden.

Duct-tape is Silver.

 

I long for relationship and community first. If someone asks me what I think, I'll tell them but for the most part, in my daily people interactions, I try really rilly hard to suck it back. I have a few g-friends that listen to me rant and vent. (I feel sorry for them but they seem to still love me). It can be lonely if you don't have those few friends you can really trust to hold your confidence, validate how you feel and encourage you to keep plugging.

 

You just moved - those relationships may not have presented themselves to you?

 

Warmly, Tricia

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

Lol, did you slap them all in your imagination? Do you see this as a problem (something to work on) or just a part of your personality?

 

No, I sent them to time out. :D (In my mind of course.)

 

I see it as both part of my personality and something to work on.

 

I am an ISTJ. T for thinking and J for judging. That probably says it all. It makes me a minority among women, most of whom have a dominant F for feeling.

 

The I for introvert means I usually keep my mouth shut. But the S for sensing means I prefer organization. Chaos reigned. I stepped in. The noise level was atrocious so I had to raise my voice.

 

I think the part I need to work on is showing my irritation in my face and body language. It's not easy to smile when someone counters your experience with an "I don't think that's right" and it is their first day there.

[CookieMonster]

Have I found myself becoming more blunt as I've gotten older? Yes!

 

But, it's not just "getting older". I've gotten more blunt as I've gotten more sure of myself, where I stand, what I want, and what the world is like.

 

And, yes, I do purposely try to be more open and empathetic. That, I think, is maturity. I've learned that there are times to be blunt (like dealing with boundary-crossing relatives) and that there are times to shut my trap. I don't know it all. No one likes a know-it-all. But, somehow, when I speak, I come across as a know-it-all. So I clam up. I don't like randomly stepping on people's toes. Or I temper my speech and season it with grace. There's no reason I can't be both right and friendly.

[MelissaM]

I've gotten to the point where I really don't care what others think about how hubby and I run our family. At times I'm willing to nod and smile while shrugging off an offending person. Most of the time people mean well but are misguided. ex. A young woman at church told dd that hs kids have no idea how to interact with peers. We laughed about it and explained the way we see things to the young woman. She wound up laughing too.

 

I let loose only when the other person is being purposely hurtful. For some reason it usually involves store clerks or older church ladies. :001_rolleyes:

[3lilreds in NC]

I am a blunt person by nature. I cannot lie - it's not even worth the effort, I'm so bad at it - and I see no reason to prevaricate.

 

However, as I've gotten older, I've learned to hold my tongue more, rather than less. For one thing, dh's family doesn't do well with open honesty. (Once, I said that I don't like subdivisions. I grew up in the country; I find the closeness of the houses creepy. Mind you, I live in one. I said this to my inlaws. They told dh that I attacked them when I said this because it meant that I don't like their subdivision home, and therefore I don't like them. No, I am not exaggerating.)

 

My mom said something to me once - that relationship is more important than being right. My first response was, "It is not!" :lol: But you know, I started thinking about it, and it really is the truth. Do I need to force a minor point when I know I'm right, and hurt or anger another person in the process? Is it really that important?

 

Since she said that, I've been paying attention - so many people do this. My dh corrects me if I say one little thing that isn't 100% exactly correct. I don't even have to be wrong; maybe just a little general when answering the girls - "It's about 10 miles to home." He will say, "Actually, it's 7 miles." He does it all the time. It irritates me to no end.

 

My 7yo is also at an age when she argues with me about everything. She will say something in a conversation, even though it has little to do with the discussion, and she will harp on it until I agree with her (or get annoyed). I try to be patient but often I am not.

 

In a sermon recently, one of our pastors gave us THINK as an acronym, and I'm trying to incorporate it. He said that before you say something to someone, consider:

 

T - is it true?

H - is it helpful?

I - is it important?

N - is it necessary?

K - is it kind?

 

He was talking about gossip, primarily, but as someone who suffers from foot-in-mouth disease, I appreciated it for all of my conversation.

 

So. What is my point here? Just that I think it's important to guard my tongue. Words can be so hurtful. When I get impatient with other people, it's usually a heart issue of mine that needs tending (my pride rears its ugly head often and that's a common culprit). Sometimes I feel compelled to say what I think without trying to soften my words. I try to keep this impulse under control unless I'm with people who know me well enough to take it with a grain of salt. Otherwise, I'm trying VERY HARD to listen to the other person and hear their heart, instead of getting irritated. It's not easy for me to be nice.

 

I saw a t-shirt once that said "I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter." :lol::lol::lol: Can't tell you how badly I wanted one!!!

 

ETA: I hope that I did not come across as lecturing. This has been a HUGE issue for me lately - God's been speaking right to my heart. I've been itching to share these little revelations and you gave me an outlet. If it's obnoxious, I will delete it.

[RoughCollie]

I am an opinionated person. I am not blunt unless someone pushes me against the wall. Then, watch out! I manage to be polite but I never let people push me around. According to many, fire shoots out of my eyes and intimidates people into backing off. Personally, I think it's my tone of voice and what I say that does that.

 

These situations do not occur very often and usually involve bureaucrats.

 

There is one librarian who is unfriendly, rude, and a stickler for *her* rules and I leave her alone because whatever the problem is, it is not worth fighting about. For instance, she would not let me put books reserved for my son onto my library card (which all the other librarians do, including the head librarian). Then she told me that I could not find out about books my kids had checked out because of privacy laws. Now that is b.s., but since I can find out about that online (to pay fines, to renew books), I let it slide. I found out yesterday that she is retiring so I don't have to deal with her much longer.

 

With most people IRL, I simply hold my tongue and avoid speaking to the person again. For example, there is one mother of a friend of my son's who continually brags on her kids -- that is 90% of her conversation with everyone. After listening to her politely for a year, I quit talking to her. The conversation that finally got to me involved her son winning a contest at school for the person who memorized pi to the most decimal places. Her son had done it to more than 100 decimal places. Forgive me if you disagree, but I think doing that was a huge waste of time.

 

Online, I try to be polite and respectful. There have been very few times when I have had it and actually posted something that revealed my true negative thoughts. Once, I told someone on another message board that his proctologist had called with the results of his x-rays and had found his head.

 

I will confront people IRL to avoid misunderstandings, such as if I said X and it is taken out of context and repeated to someone else or when Y tells Z something that lets me know Y took it wrong. I try to keep things cleared up so no one assumes things about me that are not true, and to keep soap-opera type things from happening. You know -- like She breaks up with Him because He had an affair with someone (She knows this because Friend told her), but since She never told Him that, She didn't know it wasn't true and He wonders for years why She broke up with him, and they were each other's One True Love and are both deeply hurt all because there was no communication.

 

 

RC

[Cornerstone Classical]

I think it has to do with age for the most part. Especially if you don't have that "tell it like it is" type of personality to begin with. As you age, you grow in wisdom, so therefore like one poster said, it makes you not care what some people say or think because you have "experience" and you know that you know. And also the older you get the more you have confidence in "being up front" with younger people.

 

I can see this change in my mom as she gets older. And I have noticed this transformation in my BBF as she gets older too. Surprisingly, because she has always been a "dainty" girl.

[Trivium Academy]

 

T - is it true?

H - is it helpful?

I - is it important?

N - is it necessary?

K - is it kind?

 

 

 

I love this!

 

I saw a t-shirt once that said "I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter."

 

Lol! I want one too. :)

[muffinmom]

When I was younger, I was more of a peacemaker and would never really share my own opinion. Then my dear husband (who was boyfriend at the time) really broke through my defenses and helped open me up. Bless his heart, he's been regretting it ever since! :o Um...once I found my voice, I sort of went to town with it!

 

Now I'm learning that sometimes it's best to keep my mouth shut, and when I do speak I need to weigh my words and tone. I am having to teach myself that the other person's feelings about what I say is part of the picture. So the way I say it--if I truly want to communicate--is of paramount importance. I think good communication must include caring about and respecting the receiver of your words and not just getting the right words or idea across. Hard lessons for me!

[Paintedlady]

I've actually become less blunt as I've aged. I'm a red head, a BIG TIME hot head, and it's not something I'm proud of.

 

I've gotten myself in major trouble more than once b/c of it. I've felt convicted in recent years to be more ladylike, if that's the right term. I've become aware of what a poor witness I am when I act that way, so I've been trying very hard to tame the tongue. ;)

[Trivium Academy]

Honestly, I worry about this - if I come across as a know-it-all b/c I won't speak up (esp. on the boards) unless I have an opinion either way and most of the time my opinion comes from my experience or something I feel confident to speak my mind about. I don't think I've achieved the right and friendly part, esp. with matters that tend to be divisive in opinion which tends to be a lot of small talk lately with people IRL.

 

I don't have many neutral small-talk subjects, even talking about our kids gets me in trouble. I don't gossip so that leaves the weather as the only safe topic. LOL! :lol: I just don't think or do the things that the masses do.

[VaKim]

I am quite blunt, but I think it goes with my overall personality. I am a very practical, to-the-point kind of person, and not very "feely." Anytime I read things that say men are a certain way, and women another, I almost always fit the man's description rather than the woman's. :)

[Parrothead]

I saw a t-shirt once that said "I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter." :lol::lol: Can't tell you how badly I wanted one!!!

 

:iagree: That is me. I have no patience for what I perceive as the idiots of the world. It must be part of the fight of flight reaction. There are so many of them I feel out numbered so often.

[Jami]

I'll line up behind 3-lilreds on this one.

 

I've always been opinionated and quick to jump into an argument or to criticize. I was particularly short on verbal control within my family growing up. But thanks to some loving discipleship in college and marriage to a man who strongly encourages me not to jump into the fray when others are having heated discussions (mostly familiy again, here), I'm learning some self-control. Some. I still have plenty of opinions and they're strong, but I try and either use dh as a sounding board or I keep them in my own little head. I feel like I've learned how to read people a bit better--both online and in real life, so that I can moderate how I say things to give less offense. Or just say nothing at all. My mom always tried to tell me I didn't need to give everyone my opinion on EVERYTHING, now I realize that's true. The world won't fall apart if Jami doesn't get her .02$ in. ;) I hope.

 

Jami

[Sammy]

How's that for blunt? ;)

[Andie]

Yes, but, thankfully, I'm "outgrowing" that, too.

 

It was freeing to develop the ability to speak my mind as I got a little older. It's been a bigger gift to learn that I don't always need to do so *and* to be able to leave it at just that -- not stew over how I could have really explained or defended or set 'em right... especially with people I'm not close with.

[Ellie]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Andie]

I'll line up behind 3-lilreds on this one.

 

I've always been opinionated and quick to jump into an argument or to criticize. I was particularly short on verbal control within my family growing up. But thanks to some loving discipleship in college and marriage to a man who strongly encourages me not to jump into the fray when others are having heated discussions (mostly familiy again, here), I'm learning some self-control. Some. I still have plenty of opinions and they're strong, but I try and either use dh as a sounding board or I keep them in my own little head. I feel like I've learned how to read people a bit better--both online and in real life, so that I can moderate how I say things to give less offense. Or just say nothing at all. My mom always tried to tell me I didn't need to give everyone my opinion on EVERYTHING, now I realize that's true. The world won't fall apart if Jami doesn't get her .02$ in. ;) I hope.

 

Jami

 

 

You've made quite a recovery! Seriously -- in a million years (perhaps your sister should have posted more LOL) I'd never have guessed you had this "problem" :) Your posts are always so measured and thoughtful. :thumbup1:

[Greta Lea]

On the other hand, my life is so different from others and what I think about seems to be vastly different than what others concern themselves with. :001_huh:

 

I agree with you here! I feel the same way. My line of thinking about life in general often times seems so different than a lot of the people I spend time with (outside of homeschool circles, that is). I have a bf that I LOVE like a sister, but we live our life SO differently.

 

I usually don't speak up about my convictions if I'm conversing with a group of people that obviously have different convictions than I do. If someone asks me point blank, then I give my opinion, but I don't go around offering it up in groups like that.

 

Greta:)

[Janna]

Oddly enough, in my aging, I have become the opposite. I used to be much more sure of myself, much more opinionated and I saw everything as black and white, right or wrong. I used to be so confident in my opinion that even though it was wrong, people thought I was right.

 

Now, I find I am much more unsure of myself. There is much more gray (too much, actually), and sometimes it's frustrating to me.

 

I married a man who's conversations are drowning in political niceties. With him, I am *very* blunt. I am argumentative and powerful in my opinion. As 3lilreds said, I don't lie and I despise being lied too. When dh speaks, it is flooded in generalities and not much conviction which drives. me. crazy. But after 12 years of marriage (coming up this Sunday!), he's gotten much, much better in this area, while I have oddly taken on more of his political speech.

 

I think it's because I have seen the way people flock to him. He is so approachable and likeable. He's just a nice guy, kwim? I watch in the background and am amazed at how he can talk in circles and people don't care. I don't know how it came to be, to be honest, but I have noticed I am so much more careful in what I say.

 

And I am opposite in thinking that homeschooling has helped me be blunt. I think homeschooling has actually contributed to my being unsure of myself. With so much that I read and teach, I realize how much I don't know. I contribute this to these boards as well. I read threads that contain opinions that are so amazing and unheard of in my small circle of friends, that I don't want to say much of my own. I have seen people get blasted away for their opinions here and so I stay away.

 

I have also noticed that as I've gotten older, I see that a lot of people may be older on the outside, but are just as petty and judgemental as they were in Jr. High. Words are so very easily misconstrued and judged that for fear of being misunderstood, I keep quiet. But this, I think, has probably more to do with the way opinions are delivered. I must not communicate my opinions effectively, so they're misunderstood. I would love to be more precise.

 

While there are some positives to not having as stong of opinions anymore, it is also frustrating. I have told my dh more than once that I don't understand why I'm not so black and white anymore and it frustrates me. I haven't lost my convictions at all, I just don't share them anymore. And as far as opinions go, I don't even feel like I have too many because everyone else is so much smarter than I am. There is just so much that I don't know.

 

However, after saying all of that (here comes that "political nicety I've picked up from dh, LOL!), there are some things that I am confident about and I will easily share my opinion on. Sometimes my opinions are shared by the fact that I don't say anything! If everyone else is talking about something and I stay quiet, my quietness is informing them that I disagree, kwim? And then I'm being judged for having a differing opinion even when they don't know what it is :confused:. I can hold my head up in those circumstances because I know they are being foolish and I am confident in what I know. I just wish there were more things I was confident in.

 

As I'm typing this out, I'm thinking that it's going to read that my opinion on whether I'm opinionated or not is going in circles, doing the exact thing that I despise. See what a mess I've become!? :lol::lol:

[Amy in NH]

Naaah! I've always been like this ;)

 

Seriously, I've always been considered tactless, and I know I am impatient. These are character flaws that I've been working on in my adult life. I am a cynical, opinionated, and pragmatic person. And I know it.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

Yes, but, hopefully I come across as gracious, but, at times, I fear I don't.

[OnTheBrink]

Yeah, I have. What of it? You got a problem with that? Huh?:boxing_smiley:

[Kris]

I don't know if it is because I'm a stay-at-home mom or just getting older but I tend to have less tolerance/patience in conversation. Maybe I've become a bit unsocialized. I have a very perceptive personality but I find myself being short, direct and displaying a lack of patience at times in conversation only to regret being that way later. I think I come across (at times) as unforgiving, uncaring and my bluntness is a turn-off.

 

On the other hand, my life is so different from others and what I think about seems to be vastly different than what others concern themselves with. I can see how that can come with convictions or at least strong feelings in one direction. If one of those convictions or strong feelings is touched upon, I usually leave the other person without anything to say. :001_huh:

 

Does anyone else feel this way at times? Do you purposely try to be more open or empathetic? I'm not sure empathy is the right word here. I tend to keep my mouth shut for the most part but there are those times...

 

I can't say how many times I've held back from saying something to someone- even on the boards I weigh what I want to say and if it might be negative in message, I'll refrain from posting it. A few times I can't help myself.

 

I think I've lost some type of filter.

 

I tend to be straight-forward. You don't have to read between the lines. I mean exactly what I say. I guess I'm a little impatient with people I have to "decode" -- I'm not good at it. I wish they'd just use plain words and say what they mean to say, instead of beating around the bush and leaving me guessing about what the point was.

But I don't think being plain and to the point needs to be nasty or uncaring. I don't go out of my way to insult people, and try to keep negative thoughts to myself unless something is said or done to my family that won't be tolerated. That said, however, everyone who knows me pretty much understands that "if you don't want the answer, don't ask the question." If you ask me about your lipstick, I'm not going to tell you it looks great on you if I don't think it does.

 

I do seem to have some kind of problem with the way I express sympathy. I don't say things I don't mean, but I get the impression I come off as insincere, which is definitely not the case. I don't "gush" and I don't "hug" -- so maybe that's it. I dunno.

[Jean in Newcastle]

In my teens on up to about 30, I was not only blunt but arrogant. I had good ideas that worked - esp. ones on child training! And if I felt like you needed the benefit of these good ideas then watch out!

 

Then God showed me my arrogance. And I went through a period of five years or so where I hardly told anyone anything. People had to beg me for my opinion!

 

Now I'm starting to reach a balance of some sort. I'm learning to listen first. I'm learning to ask questions (including: "Are you just venting or do you want some advice?") I'm learning that I don't have to be right all the time - esp. on inconsequential things (I wish my ds would learn this). I'm learning to take into consideration where someone is in their life. For example, if the person is a baby Christian, I don't expect them to act like a mature one. Or if I know that someone has struggled with an issue, I don't expect them to have that area of their life all worked out. I guess it is a form of "speaking the truth in love".

[gardening momma]

In my youth I was quite shy. Over the years I have steadily overcome that :001_smile:

 

I had a dream last night that pretty well characterizes me now (almost). I dreamed I was at some sort of concert or play. It was the kind of theater that has side balconies/boxes. I was in one of those. Someone on stage said or did something that caused the audience to begin booing. It was a situation where it was more of a judgemental, unfair bias type of boo, rather than a poor performance type of boo. I immediately spoke up (somehow I was able to project my voice so that everyone could hear me and quieted down). I thoroughly chastised everyone.

[Michelle T]

that has never changed. I would definitely not say I'm blunt, and I tend to not say anything rather than risk confrontation or argument.

 

Michelle T

[mommaduck]

Yes, and I suspect I will become even more blunt as I get older.

[HRAAB]

Actually, I've become less blunt. I have softened my edges; they were just too rough. I slip up more than I'd like, but I'm doing better. However, in my mind - just between me, myself and I - I'm very blunt. But I try to stop it before it hits my mouth or fingers.

 

Janet

[Alaska Mom]

Jessica,

 

Your thread caught my eye, I don't have time to read all of it as I'm just getting going here, but I wanted to throw in my 2 cents.

 

I often feel similar struggles, but for me, I don't think it's an age thing, I THINK it may be a society or cultural thing that's happening - or may at least be a contributing component.

 

I think people in general in our society are becoming more "blunt" and forward. Schools (public) sure don't seem to be doing a very good job of turning out "respectful" and considerate individuals. And sitcoms on television - now those are wonderful role model aren't they? Throw in the web, where people can be more "anonimous" and people have less and less reason to be respectful and tolerant of others - there's less and less accountability for it.

 

But I hear ya. I'll just add that you're at least two steps ahead of the crowd in that at least you are aware that you MAY have something that YOU need to work on - what a concept: taking personal responsibility!!!! You are awesome role model to many of us Jessica, don't be too hard on yourself. :grouphug:

[Melissa in St Louis]

I am not a confrontational person, but all people want to talk about are "hot button" issues....politics, kids, etc. Instead of arguing, I don't participate, and then I think I look smug. I also feel like I don't participate in "mainstream" culture (tv, movies, etc) and it bothers me that people are concerned with such. :001_huh: You're right: weather is the only safe topic!!!!:tongue_smilie:

[Trivium Academy]

Yes, exactly! I'm very respectful of my elders, often keeping mum about anything contrary to what they say but others who are my peers...I see the look in their eyes at times. A friend says I think too much or probably read too much into stuff. That's probably true.

[DB in NJ]

For me, it's been just the opposite. As a rebellious teenager who hung out with warlocks (motorcycle gang, not the witch's counterpart), I was *very* blunt and outspoken. Completely unfiltered. Now? I have scars in my tongue from all the biting I do ;)

 

Maybe it's because I'm older and realize I don't know everything like I did when I was 17. I've lost a certain degree of confidence and boldness. On a positive note, I have lots more friends now :D

[Kris]

For me, it's been just the opposite. As a rebellious teenager who hung out with warlocks (motorcycle gang, not the witch's counterpart), I was *very* blunt and outspoken. Completely unfiltered. Now? I have scars in my tongue from all the biting I do ;)

 

Maybe it's because I'm older and realize I don't know everything like I did when I was 17. I've lost a certain degree of confidence and boldness. On a positive note, I have lots more friends now :D

 

Sweetie likes to say, "I discovered I don't heal as fast as I used to." :D

[PariSarah]

I have gotten bolder about certain things, and I've gotten downright ornery about other things.

 

But it used to be that my only two options were saying something stupid/offensive/blunt/thoughtless and shutting up. Now, I have figured out how to say things more gently, and I use the skill more frequently than I used to.

 

Wish I'd learned it earlier! :D

[angela in ohio]

No. I find that the older I get, the less I care that others know what I think and hear my opinion. I also realize more and more that there are so few really important things and so many things that just aren't worth hurting relationships or others over.

 

I AM more bold about standing up for myself and others when it is warranted and more forward about offering help when I think others truly want it (parenting advice, etc.) I feel my time is more effectively used helping someone who truly wants it than telling someone something they aren't going to listen to anyway.

[Saille]

I like the THINK acronym. I haven't heard it before, but that's basically what I try to do. No point in running people over who are *trying* to be helpful and can't, but yeah, it sure does chafe sometimes.

 

That said, I was one of those women who used to get run over by "queen bees", in the girl-bullying sense. For whatever reason, I was a target for comments that were just plain rude, and for what I perceive as "dominant" behavior. That, I just do not put up with anymore, period. I will look someone right in the eye in a group situation and say, "Wow, that was incredibly rude. Why would you even say something like that?"

 

I think that's a good kind of bluntness. :D

[Kanga]

I don't know if it is because I'm a stay-at-home mom or just getting older but I tend to have less tolerance/patience in conversation. Maybe I've become a bit unsocialized. I have a very perceptive personality but I find myself being short, direct and displaying a lack of patience at times in conversation only to regret being that way later. I think I come across (at times) as unforgiving, uncaring and my bluntness is a turn-off.

 

On the other hand, my life is so different from others and what I think about seems to be vastly different than what others concern themselves with. I can see how that can come with convictions or at least strong feelings in one direction. If one of those convictions or strong feelings is touched upon, I usually leave the other person without anything to say. :001_huh:

 

Does anyone else feel this way at times? Do you purposely try to be more open or empathetic? I'm not sure empathy is the right word here. I tend to keep my mouth shut for the most part but there are those times...

 

I can't say how many times I've held back from saying something to someone- even on the boards I weigh what I want to say and if it might be negative in message, I'll refrain from posting it. A few times I can't help myself.

 

I think I've lost some type of filter.

 

I used to be this way -perhaps I was born without a filter! As my dh becomes more senior I have had to learn to keep my thoughts to a close circle of friends and relatives. My dh is very sweet though when I forget, he doesn't apologize for me, he usually just says something like, "stop beating around the bush and tell us what you really think".

[Kanga]

That said, I was one of those women who used to get run over by "queen bees", in the girl-bullying sense. For whatever reason, I was a target for comments that were just plain rude, and for what I perceive as "dominant" behavior. That, I just do not put up with anymore, period. I will look someone right in the eye in a group situation and say, "Wow, that was incredibly rude. Why would you even say something like that?"

 

I think that's a good kind of bluntness. :D

 

I find that as my dh becomes more senior there are certain people who like to be mean to me (and of course there are those who are extra nice). It is odd because the meanest comments come from people who don't even know me, it is almost as if they are waiting to be introduced so they can insult me?!? I think it makes them feel better to be mean or rude to me. I respond (with wide eyes), "that didn't sound very nice, I am sure I must have misunderstood you".

[Kanga]

However, in my mind - just between me, myself and I - I'm very blunt. But I try to stop it before it hits my mouth or fingers.

 

Janet

 

:lol:

[Chris in VA]

I never realized how opinionated I am until we moved here and dh became the head honcho at church. I have definite ideas of how things should be done, could be done, will be done. I never realized how much I like to control, and put my hand in! It was quite humbling to see myself.

 

That said, I do still have strong feelings about kid stuff. I am finding this at work now, as I'm working with a particular teacher who runs contrary to me--it's all stuff I think most of you there in Homeschooling Land would agree with me on, and that just makes it worse! :D For example, she told our parents that they should not pack their kid's lunch in a paper bag but instead get a Hanna Montana or a Spiderman lunch box so they feel comfortable--as "everyone else" will have one of those. She said not to pack a healthy lunch in hopes of impressing us as teachers, but go ahead and pack whatever their kid will eat. (I kinda agree on that one, but the point was that one should go with the crowd--YUCK!) How do we help our kids become world changers if they go along with every trend just to be popular?

 

I am all about giving kids time to develop, taking the hurry out of their day, spending time together, reading wonderful literature, keeping things simple and kind, and honoring God by realizing how precious our world is--natural fibers, not a lot of plastic toys, sweetness, helpfulness....These are core values and I speak out about them. But I am finding a great need for tact in this job!

 

It is a growing thing, to realize my opinion is not all there is, but that it is valuable. Finding the balance and remaining polite while remaining true to myself--Let me know how you develop this, too!!

 

Sorry to ramble.

[E_Edgerton]

I don't know if I have become more blunt, but I do think I have become more confident and able to stand up for my thoughts, ideas, and opinions. I don't feel like I "need" to fit in or be like everyone else. I fit into my life and the little area of the world that is mine and I think with age I am more comfortable there.:)

[Linda in Oregon]

this:

 

Say what you mean,

mean what you say,

but don't say it mean.

 

I try.

[Peela]

Have I found myself becoming more blunt as I've gotten older? Yes!

 

But, it's not just "getting older". I've gotten more blunt as I've gotten more sure of myself, where I stand, what I want, and what the world is like.

 

And, yes, I do purposely try to be more open and empathetic. That, I think, is maturity. I've learned that there are times to be blunt (like dealing with boundary-crossing relatives) and that there are times to shut my trap. I don't know it all. No one likes a know-it-all. But, somehow, when I speak, I come across as a know-it-all. So I clam up. I don't like randomly stepping on people's toes. Or I temper my speech and season it with grace. There's no reason I can't be both right and friendly.

 

:iagree: I relate to this. I feel much more assured and relaxed about myself, accepting of myself, less self critical. So that makes me direct rather than presenting a face I hope people will like. That relates to being less self centred as well, and realising I really am not the centre of the universe :)

I think I have also gone through a period of getting very irritated with people, but I am coming through that and feel that I really want to be compassionate and understanding, not just right, lol, so that is where my intent is, even if it doesn't always come out that way.

[Saille]

I find that as my dh becomes more senior there are certain people who like to be mean to me (and of course there are those who are extra nice). It is odd because the meanest comments come from people who don't even know me, it is almost as if they are waiting to be introduced so they can insult me?!? I think it makes them feel better to be mean or rude to me. I respond (with wide eyes), "that didn't sound very nice, I am sure I must have misunderstood you".

 

My MIL is a counselor, and this is exactly what she says people should do...you're supposed to just keep saying "Excuse me?" and letting them say it louder, until they realize they sound like an a** and quit doing it.

[tibbyl]

Like some other posters, I have grown more compassionate and understanding. Further, I am much more honest about my positions on controversial issues and less afraid to speak up than when I was young. I tend to respectfully correct people who make mistaken assumptions about my political, social, and religious beliefs based upon fact that I was a homeschooling parent.