If you found out your teen drank at a party two weeks ago, wwyd?

[Tap]

This is from a discussion I was having with a friend.  She was trying to figure out how she was going to handle this situation.  Her 17yo went to a sleepover birthday party, which had responsible adult supervision. At the party the kids drank alcohol.  Presumably, the supervising adults do not know, the teens waited until the adult was asleep.  One of the parents is a teacher and could loose their job if it got around that they knew about the alcohol before hand, so I really don't think this was a parent allowing it to happen. The kids snuck it in, and drank it without the parent knowing.

 

The parent of the 17yo had a hunch about the drinking and waited for a moment to ask the teen a strategic question at a very specific moment.  Once confronted, the teen didn't lie, and admitted to the drinking. At the time of my conversation with the mom, the mom hadn't done anything yet. The teen confessed the week of finals in high school, so the mom didn't want to create additional stress on something that happened weeks before.  She will deal with it, but just after finals are over.

 

WWYD?

What would you say to the teen?

Would you punish the teen almost a month later? What would that look like in your house?

Tell the supervising parent?

 

 

[Guest]

I would probably inform the supervising parent that I had been told that this happened. Rationale: the supervising parent is at risk of losing a job and if one kid is talking, the word could get around.

 

I would talk to my kid about the problems thus could cause for other people. I would not be shocked that 17 yo's had done something like this, but I would point out that they could cause trouble for other people.

 

I would be disappointed in my son had he done this. But as for punishment...idk.

 

I was so relieved when my son turned 18. He wasn't awful as re: illegal activities but honestly this sort of thing made me crazy. Old enough to know better but not old enough to be legally responsible. It's a no-man's land.

[fraidycat]

As a person who did pretty much all of her partying between the ages of 16-21 (mostly at my house or my friends' houses - with parental oversight) and who doesn't really drink much ever since then, not even wine or beer...

 

I'd remind them about safety and alcohol. Driving, riding, covering drinks, having a "safety buddy" in social situations, etc. There would not be punishment, but a reminder that openness and honesty go a long way to building trust. Seventeen is almost out of the house. Old enough for college.

[LisaKinVA]

In addition to some of those things above, I'd ask my child why they felt the NEED to drink.

 

To me, that is more of the issue.  Do they enjoy the taste of alcohol?  If so...that may need one kind of conversation.  Did they feel pressured to drink the alcohol, because others were?  That needs a different conversation.  Were they curious?  Was it simply because there was an opportunity?  

 

I would probably also ask them how they felt after consuming it (vs. asking them how much they drank...most kids I've met will say they only had a little, but were puking in the bathroom for an hour).

 

I'm envisioning a chat over coffee kind of chat -- not a mom towering over her kid in lecture-mode.  I have much better results with my older kids when I approach problems through conversational questioning vs. finger-wagging.  Helping them reason through situations, helping them reason through better ways of dealing with situations, is almost always bridge-building.  At this age in particular, I strongly feel the need to build and maintain bridges of open communication.  While parenthood in the younger years is often one of a benevolent dictatorship, my feeling is that parenting the teen and young adult years should be a bit more flexible and open.  Not that standards go away, but how we approach "enforcing" those standards gets modified.  I do encourage my older children to ask me "the why."  AND, I have specifically told them that if there is something that they *think* they won't be allowed to do, but feel like they *should* be able to do it, that it's open to discussion.  I pray a lot more these days.

[Tsuga]

This is from a discussion I was having with a friend.  She was trying to figure out how she was going to handle this situation.  Her 17yo went to a sleepover birthday party, which had responsible adult supervision. At the party the kids drank alcohol.  Presumably, the supervising adults do not know, the teens waited until the adult was asleep.  One of the parents is a teacher and could loose their job if it got around that they knew about the alcohol before hand, so I really don't think this was a parent allowing it to happen. The kids snuck it in, and drank it without the parent knowing.

 

The parent of the 17yo had a hunch about the drinking and waited for a moment to ask the teen a strategic question at a very specific moment.  Once confronted, the teen didn't lie, and admitted to the drinking. At the time of my conversation with the mom, the mom hadn't done anything yet. The teen confessed the week of finals in high school, so the mom didn't want to create additional stress on something that happened weeks before.  She will deal with it, but just after finals are over.

 

WWYD?

What would you say to the teen?

Would you punish the teen almost a month later? What would that look like in your house?

Tell the supervising parent?

 

To answer the thread title: flip out and declare myself a failure as a parent.

 

Seriously though... this is an extremely difficult situation.

 

Telling the supervising parent puts them at risk, a different risk than I would be in if someone told me that their kid raided our liquor cabinet. And yet, not telling them puts them at great risk. 

 

Punishment... there are some things that I can't even punish. I have told my kids that some things are so bad that the punishment that would fit the problem behavior, is not legal for me to carry out. I.e. imprisonment. In those cases all I can say is, "You need to go outside of this home until you are ready never to do that again. I don't know what I'll do if I see you do it again. It's really that bad. I'm so disappointed in you. This would get you X punishment in the real world. I love you, but I can't save you from yourself." Something like that.

 

I guess that sounds harsh but it's true. I don't think an occasional sip of alcohol is going to kill a teen and I don't have a problem with social drinking, a tiny glass, for teens. I do however have HUGE problems with lying about alcohol and stealing alcohol from someone else's parents!

[Joyofsixreboot]

As a person who did pretty much all of her partying between the ages of 16-21 (mostly at my house or my friends' houses - with parental oversight) and who doesn't really drink much ever since then, not even wine or beer...

 

I'd remind them about safety and alcohol. Driving, riding, covering drinks, having a "safety buddy" in social situations, etc. There would not be punishment, but a reminder that openness and honesty go a long way to building trust. Seventeen is almost out of the house. Old enough for college.

This! My high school years were...exciting. I'm much more about safety than punishment. I would also remind them what a breach of respect for the other adult this was. Would you want to be responsible for someone's job loss? IMHO 17 is way past " punishment"especially if you ever want them to be honest with you again.

[Reefgazer]

I would discuss the importance of drinking alcohol in moderation, of calling me for a ride if they have been drinking, and of the fact inhibitions are lowered when drinking. I would not punish or take any other punitive action because I do not agree with the way we handle teenaged drinking by making it illegal in this country.

[MEmama]

Eh, it's an opportunity to chat. Hopefully it won't be the first time the teen has talked about the consequences of underage drinking, staying safe, and being responsible. I aim to be my kid's safety net, so the conversation for us would probably emphasize that he should call me if he needs to (drank too much, no ride home, etc), never ever ever ever get in a car with someone else who had anything to drink (call me anytime no matter what), learn how to handle yourself if you have had a drink (and feel free to talk to me if you're unsure), and so on. Honestly, openness, and respect are paramount traits in our family, and I feel that "punishment" in this case (whatever that might look like) would be empty at best and relationship eroding at worst.

 

In this particular case I would talk about the possible consequences for the supervising parent in the house. Laws surrounding underage drinking in this country are harsh and the fallout could potentially be devastating. That our actions affect others is worthwhile to emphasize, IMO, and something we talk about frequently.

[lmrich]

No more sleepovers...I would not flip out and go crazy. Just realize that more supervision is needed. 

[Carrie12345]

It's much easier to say in the hypothetical, but I don't believe I'd punish my 17yo (and I'm about to have a 17yo) in the exact scenario described.  And the emphasis of my half-chat/half-lecture would be on the dangerous situation the teens put those parents in.

 

I was never caught drinking underage, though I was permitted to drink at home from time to time around 17/18, and I didn't drink outside of the house (illegally) until 18.  But there was VERY big emphasis put on the consequences adults could face if I was stupid. Primarily on servers and business owners who could lose their livelihood for serving underage kids.  (I was raised in a family of tavern owners and bartenders!)

[MEmama]

The more supervision train left the station a long time ago.

Well said! :)

[Night Elf]

I went through the same thing when my dd was 17. She was with a bunch of drinking teens so she felt she should do it too. They were outside with a campfire. My dd somehow stumbled into the fire and burned her foot. She had to call me to come get her. I took her straight to the urgent care and we never addressed the drinking until we got home. She wasn't drunk so it wasn't something the doctor noticed. Anyway, when i got her home, I told her to go to bed and we would talk the next day when we were both alert and able to converse intelligently. The talk was good. We talked about the importance of the law and how the repercussions could be really bad. I had already told her that if she ever found herself in that type of situation she should call me and I would pick her up with no questions asked. I'd rather her take a drink and then call me than to get in the car with someone else who was drinking. And she actually took me up on that. When she was 18, she was dating a 20 year old who took her to a fraternity party. My dd was so uncomfortable there that she called me. I called the campus police who went and picked her up and took her back to the station where I picked her up. They told her they were impressed with how she handled the situation. i was happy she didn't get back into the car with that numbskull. She's now 23 and is not a drinker except an occasional fruity girly bottled drink, and that's only when she's home. She's the designated driver for her group. I've now told my other 2 kids the same thing. Please call me and I'll get you. I don't think punishment is appropriate in this situation. I'd rather gain my kids' trust to know if they ever find themselves in that situation that I'll pick them up without freaking out.

[regentrude]

If my teen was a guest at the party, I would have another conversation about the effects of alcohol. I would stress that she should never drive after drinking, nor get in the car with a driver who had been drinking. I would tell her again that she can call me, any time, for a ride in such a situation, or to get her if the situation at  a party becomes uncomfortable for her - no questions asked, no punishment incurred. I would not punish her for drinking; I find the drinking age concept in this country ridiculous.

 

If my teen was the host at the party and was serving her underage friends alcohol in my house behind my back, there would be trouble! I would make it clear that we parents can get in huge trouble for this, and that this is absolutely not acceptable. She would lose the privilege of hosting friends for the forseeable future.

 

ETA: If my teen was the guest and I knew the hosting parents, I would mention it to them. Not in an accusing manner, but basically as a heads-up: hey, I think you should know that.... If I did not know the parents, I would not contact them. If my kid was the host, I would very much appreciate if her friend's parents informed me if the kids were drinking at my house without my knowledge.

[Wheres Toto]

I fall (fell actually since this did come up with my oldest) into the discuss the consequences and safety concerns.  NEVER driving after drinking, never driving with someone else who has been drinking, calling for a ride no matter what - I will come and not punish.  

 

BUT, I also told her that I would not save her from external consequences of her actions.  Underage drinking IS illegal so if she was caught she could have lost her drivers license.  She would have to deal with that.  Her school also imposed penalties for kids drinking - she could get kicked off cheerleading (and she was a captain and choreographer Junior and Senior year) and I told her flat out I would not fight those consequences on her behalf unless it was a false accusation.

 

In the specific case in the OP, I would definitely talk about what the consequences would have been for the parents.  That would definitely have an impact on my dd.

[Ottakee]

I agree with the not flipping out but discussing the consequences.

 

I would also have a serious talk about the high risks of date rape and other situations that come up when you mix genders (not thinking it was at this party talked about) and alcohol.  It clouds judgement and puts the girls at a much higher risk.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'd talk to him, but I don't know that I'd do anything.  So long as this is not a situation of the hosts serving liquor to him, what's there to do?  He definitely put them in a bad situation though and I'd stress that to him.  They could get in big trouble, although I don't think they'd deserve it. 

[JFSinIL]

Haven't read all the responses, but as a parent of kids now aged 23, 21, 19....I'd contact the other parents and let them know, nicely, that there apparently was booze at the sleepover.  Let them take it on their end from there then (what a sentence!).    My own kid, I'd be very calm and go over not only how it could have hurt the other parent's job, BUT make sure your kid knows that IF he/she is ever in a situation with booze or drugs that they do NOT need to partake - BUT if they do partake they can call you for a ride home any time, any place.  They are NEVER to drive or be driven by anyone who has partaken.  You will come get them.  Their safely is paramount.

[RKWAcademy]

I would definitely inform the host parent. I would certainly talk to my teen about alcohol and choices and certainly driving. But the honesty is good. I suspect a lot of teens would have lied. I doubt I'd do any "punishing".

[Danestress]

Another thing to discuss with our children is the reality of the Internet. In my state, 17 year olds arrested for possession of alcohol get mugshots just like anyone else. Those are posted online, and copied by websites that display them. Even a kid who was innocent of or had charges dropped will find that when potential employers, school admissions etc Google his or her name, they will see that mugshot. These companies will take the photo down if you pay them, but there are a lot of them, so it can be a never ending extortion.

 

Another thing that happens is that kids take photos for Twitter or Instagram etc. This can be a mess if .... For example .....one of the kids has an accident going home or a parent makes a huge stink.

 

It's just another thing to think about and discuss with kids. If some 17 year olds drink a bit, don't drive, nothing gets out of hand, and no harm is done, then they were lucky. But knowing these kids will drink, parents need to discuss all the dangers of drinking in other scenarios - bigger, louder parties where the police could be called, times when not all the kids are going to stay there rather then get in cars, times when drinking makes one vulnerable to others or makes us use poor judgment.

 

I would consider this an opportunity.

[xixstar]

Having caught teen doing so before, I informed the other parent I knew from the group and mostly just lectured my child. It wasn't a big deal from me because they were more freaked out that I found out and then pretty mad I told their friend's mom too -- but that was a friend that was also a driver (not that anyone was driving and drinking but the potential was there).

 

We were beyond other types of punishment at that point, child was 18 though still in hs, so a discussion on why it was a dumb idea was more important to me than constructing some form of punishment.

[Bluegoat]

No, I wouldn't punish the child, I would just talk to them about the practical consequences.  I actually don't have a problem with kids that age drinking alcohol in reasonable amounts in the right setting, and I tend to think that that kind of drinking at parties comes in part because more socially appropriate venues are not available.  That atmosphere is more of a problem than the alcohol and creates a negative drinking culture even when kids are of legal age.

 

So - a talk about what responsible drinking actually looks like, the practical consequences for them and others of drinking illegally, and how to manage approapriate use of alcohol.

 

I would probably tell the host parents if I thought they would be reasonable about it and it wouldn't be resented.  My parents were in a similar position with my teenage sister and her boyfriend, both about drinking and sex, and they did not inform the parents, because their response would have been way way over the top.  They weren't very happy about it though and stressed to both the kids that they were really putting everyone else in a very difficult situation.

 

[MBM]

Another thing to discuss with our children is the reality of the Internet. In my state, 17 year olds arrested for possession of alcohol get mugshots just like anyone else. Those are posted online, and copied by websites that display them. Even a kid who was innocent of or had charges dropped will find that when potential employers, school admissions etc Google his or her name, they will see that mugshot. These companies will take the photo down if you pay them, but there are a lot of them, so it can be a never ending extortion.

 

Another thing that happens is that kids take photos for Twitter or Instagram etc. This can be a mess if .... For example .....one of the kids has an accident going home or a parent makes a huge stink.

 

It's just another thing to think about and discuss with kids. If some 17 year olds drink a bit, don't drive, nothing gets out of hand, and no harm is done, then they were lucky. But knowing these kids will drink, parents need to discuss all the dangers of drinking in other scenarios - bigger, louder parties where the police could be called, times when not all the kids are going to stay there rather then get in cars, times when drinking makes one vulnerable to others or makes us use poor judgment.

 

I would consider this an opportunity.

 

Yes to the above.

 

True story: One of my son's classmates was caught drinking by police in early fall of his senior year and taken in. He was quite drunk and was a passenger in a car with other underage drinkers. He had taken all honors (less than 30 out of 1,000+ kids do this at this school), had a perfect GPA (only 2 out of 1,000+ did this), was an accomplished athlete in two sports, and also won national science competitions. His number one choice for schools was Harvard, then Princeton, then Yale. All three schools were very interested in him and even contacted him but once they found out about his being drunk, none of them took him. He did get into Berkeley. The moral of the story is colleges can find this information and use it against applicants.

 

Of course, the real danger in the above teen's case was driving with other drinkers. Adolescents minimize risks which is not the same as being impulsive; in fact, they might plan to do something stupid for months. The problem is that they downplay the risks and give too much weight to the perceived rewards.

 

As for the OP, I would talk to my kid about what alcohol is exactly, what it does to a person, that other drugs can be slipped into it and that the teen drinkers put the adult hosts in a potentially very bad position. I would also remind him that if he finds himself in that position again, he can blame us (parents) for not choosing to drink and that we will come get him if necessary.

 

The book Buzzed: The Straight Facts About the Most Used and Abused Drugs from Alcohol to Ecstasy does a good job explaining the facts about what drugs are what they do. Kids are more inclined to make better decisions when they have facts. It's no guarantee, though.

[MyThreeSons]

When my oldest son was about 16yo, he had two buddies that he hung out with quite a bit. One buddy's family had a nice big house with fully functioning AC and a  big swimming pool in the backyard, so that's where they spent a lot of their time in the Summer. I knew the parents and brothers, and I was fine with him being there.

 

One day, I received a tearful phone call from the young man who lived there. He was -- at his father's urging -- confessing to me that he and the other guys had gotten into his parents' liquor cabinet one night. The father then got on the phone and told me how sorry he was that this had happened in his home, and that he was implementing steps to make sure it didn't happen again.

 

When I asked my son about it, he told me that he had taken a few sips of something, thought it was awful, and was done. The other two guys got seriously drunk, and then "puked their guts out". My son cleaned up after them, and swore he would never drink. He is now 25yo, and maintains a straightedge lifestyle.

[SKL]

I would not punish.  I would counsel.

 

I would try to get more information and, if this sounded like a recurring thing, I would alert other parents who, in my opinion, would need to know.  I would wait until school was out to make any kind of stink about it.

 

I expect my kids to do dumb things.  Drinking alcohol is not a big deal in my mind, especially if it was not in a dangerous situation e.g. driving, dating / mixed sex activity, etc.  (I'm a teetotaler myself but I don't think alcohol is the devil.)  17 was almost legal drinking age when I was 17.  Kids haven't changed since then, alcohol hasn't changed, so ....

[ssavings]

I'd have a safety talk, without punishment.  I'd talk about never drinking and driving, always calling me for a ride (or having the number of a cab company and money for a cab, if they are away from school).  After the safety talk, we'd discuss underage drinking, including legal consequences and other possible repercussions. I'd urge against it, but let the child know that IF it happened, they need to make 100% sure they are safe.  I had friends who drank in high school and, in their effort to hide it from their parents, got into much more serious (legal) trouble.

I'd make sure the other parent knew about the situation. Maybe a lock on the alcohol is necessary. 

 

I know when DH's younger sister was around that age (17 or 18), his mom asked DH to have a talk with her about safety in situations like that. Things like never, ever putting your drink down then drinking out of it later when at a bar or party. She was very thankful (later) for the advice (despite how uncomfortable it had been in the moment), and it served her and her friends well through the end of highschool and through college. While DH certainly wasn't encouraging her to drink or party, he gave her good advice on how to keep herself safe if she ended up in one of those places. 
 

[Halcyon]

As a person who did pretty much all of her partying between the ages of 16-21 (mostly at my house or my friends' houses - with parental oversight) and who doesn't really drink much ever since then, not even wine or beer...

 

I'd remind them about safety and alcohol. Driving, riding, covering drinks, having a "safety buddy" in social situations, etc. There would not be punishment, but a reminder that openness and honesty go a long way to building trust. Seventeen is almost out of the house. Old enough for college.

 

 

This. Responsibility and openness are key. Don't drive while drinking, have a friend with you, and always, always call me if you need help--I will never punish you if you call because you need help, never. 

 

I don't think 17 is an unusual age to be doing this--it's important he learn certain lessons, and their repercussions, but at the same time he is almost an adult.

[Guest]

I'd just sit down and have a discussion - I agree it's the over coffee or dessert type, not the freaking out parent mode kind of conversation. And I'd be asking lots of questions before making any sweeping statements - this could have been curiosity or even peer pressure. Teens are particularly vulnerable to binge drinking, so chatting about strategies for how to confront alcohol or safely manage the situation if they end up drunk is key for their safety. I am not in favor if underaged drinking A very strongly opposed, in fact - but if the kid is already experimenting I don't want to drive them to secrecy and potentially exacerbate the situation or have it turn deadly because they didn't trust me to help them out.

[SparrowsNest]

The only element of this that would really make me upset is that they violated the trust of the family whose house it was. That is a very big deal to me.  When you enter someone else's home, you agree -- of your own free will -- to respect their rules, their boundaries, their right to have their home conducted as they see fit.  You have absolutely no right to put innocent parties at risk, least of all innocent parties who did YOU the favor of opening their home to you.  

 

Wrt the drinking, a word about the consequences of illegal activity would be in order, but the drinking itself isn't that big a deal to me personally.

 

 

[QueenCat]

We'd have a serious conversation about what to do when they encounter such situations. Such as, call for a ride, there will never be a consequence for doing so. Much of what others have said would be included in the conversation. There wouldn't be a punishment for the scenario presented by the OP.

[StaceyinLA]

Honestly, I probably wouldn't be that distraught over it, but then again, I grew up in a home where alcohol was kind of a norm and never overdone. We have it at most family functions and Ots just always been a part of our lives.

 

I'd wonder why my kids felt the need to sneak and do it elsewhere, and I'd reiterate the issues with excessive consumption, drinking and driving, underage drinking, etc., but I doubt I'd punish heavily or freak out.

[gardenmom5]

This is from a discussion I was having with a friend.  She was trying to figure out how she was going to handle this situation.  Her 17yo went to a sleepover birthday party, which had responsible adult supervision. At the party the kids drank alcohol.  Presumably, the supervising adults do not know, the teens waited until the adult was asleep.  One of the parents is a teacher and could loose their job if it got around that they knew about the alcohol before hand, so I really don't think this was a parent allowing it to happen. The kids snuck it in, and drank it without the parent knowing.

 

The parent of the 17yo had a hunch about the drinking and waited for a moment to ask the teen a strategic question at a very specific moment.  Once confronted, the teen didn't lie, and admitted to the drinking. At the time of my conversation with the mom, the mom hadn't done anything yet. The teen confessed the week of finals in high school, so the mom didn't want to create additional stress on something that happened weeks before.  She will deal with it, but just after finals are over.

 

WWYD?

What would you say to the teen?

Would you punish the teen almost a month later? What would that look like in your house?

Tell the supervising parent?

it did NOT have responsible adult supervision if there were underage kids drinking.  a responsible adult would have done more to be aware of what was going on.

 

yes - I would hold a teen accountable.  they wouldn't be doing any get-togethers with friends any time soon. (they obviously can't make sane and rational choices with their friends and need more supervision.)  and that privilege would only come back slowly, and in stages.

 

yes, I would be discussing the facts of life and reality with them.

 

you bet your booty the supervising parents needs to know!  it's irresponsible not to tell them.

 

eta: I grew up with siblings doing this sort of stuff - and a mother who stood by.  I have four adults, and none of them ever did this.  I have one who dropped friends who did. the only one who had friends who did. (I found out when I asked why they were no longer hanging out.)

[Ripley]

We are pretty relaxed about alcohol, and my approach will likely reflect that.

 

However I chose to address this, though, I'd do my best to remember two things:

1. (my) kid didn't lie when confronted, and

2. we're in that gray area of not-quite-a-kid, not-quite-an-adult.

 

This, obviously, is easier said than done, especially in the heat of learning this happened.  But since a significant period of time had passed, I'd hopefully have had enough time to calm down and think reasonably.

 

I'd put it on the kid, in a discussion or two.  The way I might speak with a peer who is making poor choices; choices with important ramifications they may not be thinking through, and likely won't focus on if I come at them too strong and they (feel they) have to get defensive.  I'd remember my ultimate goal is to ensure they think about the bigger picture, and make smarter choices moving forward.  I made a lot of dumb choices, and this is how my parents handled it.

 

So I'd run through what is essentially a socratic discussion with the kid.

- What are the consequences of sneaking in alcohol? (to relationships, people's careers, my trust in you, etc.)

- What was the plan if someone became sick? (I always said, "to say it was food poisoning?")

- What might happen if someone is sick, lies about how they became sick, and is treated incorrectly?

- What would you do to prevent a drunk friend from making dumb choices (trying to drive home, etc.)

- What is it that made the alcohol enticing - curiosity? an established enjoyment for it? peer pressure to try it?

et cetera, to try to get my kid to think it through himself rather than get the same info in lecture form, from moi.

 

I've actually been in a similar situation.  My nephew and friends are sitting in a booth near me at a fast-food restaurant and I overheard their conversation (amateurs LOL). They're all driving age, so I also asked them about the ramifications of that - driving drunk, losing a license, losing athletic privileges and future scholarships. We also talked about getting away with it and not losing anything, what then?(it's a real possibility, and one they're thinking in the back of their I'm-invicible teen mind anyhow). 

 

I'm particularly close to this nephew and his friends are regularly hanging out at my house.  (We did discuss that, too.) I'm privy to a lot of information about them, and they sometimes confide things to me that are, frankly, above my pay grade.  I'd much rather encourage an environment where they can safely confess a bad decision, than to hide or deny or justify it to themselves without the voice of experience singing from my mouth to their ears.  I'm sure there are things they haven't confided to an adult, but I'm hopeful that if nothing else they're learning to think before acting. And in that way we can hopefully minimize the poor decisions, and their outcomes.

[73349]

We'd be talking mostly about the law, including the fact that being caught with a BAL that is not .00 means you can't get your full license on time even if you were nowhere near a car. I would not necessarily punish.

 

I would tell the unwitting host in order to keep the kids from being able to do it at that house again. If it happened at my house, DS would no longer be able to invite the friend who brought the alcohol.