Is anyone else rather baffled by the whole Riot-Boy mom thing?

[Ewe Mama]

If she hadn't been going off on him in the middle of a riot, everyone would have been screaming for CPS and the police would have been charging her with child abuse.

 

So many of the Baltimore officials are singing her praises, but they are the very people who would have been charging her any other day of the week.

 

I'm not opening a debate on her actions. I'm just confused by the whole, "You go, Mom!" thing.

 

:confused:

[Scarlett]

If she hadn't been going off on him in the middle of a riot, everyone would have been screaming for CPS and the police would have been charging her with child abuse.

 

So many of the Baltimore officials are singing her praises, but they are the very people who would have been charging her any other day of the week.

 

I'm not opening a debate on her actions. I'm just confused by the whole, "You go, Mom!" thing.

 

:confused:

I thought the same thing...that normally people would have been screaming abuse. All I can think is that it was a desperate and dangerous situation and she has been given some leeway.

[umsami]

It's definitely a mixed message... but that's parenting, in general, in the U.S.  Just look at the Free Range parenting thing.  Parents want their kids to be independent and adventuresome, but then some will freak if a 10 and 6 year old walk a few blocks alone.    People, in theory, want gentle parenting...but then you'll see numerous reposts by parents who applaud strong parenting.

 

I think part of it is the boy's age.  Part of it is frustration with people not understanding why people riot.  I think she was symbolic of a lot of people who want to say, "WTH are you doing? Why are you destroying your own neighborhoods and stores because you're mad at the police, the system, etc."  

 

But I could be 100% wrong.

 

 

[PeacefulChaos]

I agree with the above.  

 

She has said in interviews that she was kind of in a panic, terrified for her son's life and his future, etc.  

I think of times when my own kids have done something potentially dangerous and when I'm going to stop them/catch them, I'm screaming at them like I normally never would - you know, that loud, sudden, unexpected STOP IT! that makes the little kid in question freeze in their tracks.  I watch the video of this woman and I see that, on a much larger scale.  

[Scarlett]

I agree with the above.

 

She has said in interviews that she was kind of in a panic, terrified for her son's life and his future, etc.

I think of times when my own kids have done something potentially dangerous and when I'm going to stop them/catch them, I'm screaming at them like I normally never would - you know, that loud, sudden, unexpected STOP IT! that makes the little kid in question freeze in their tracks. I watch the video of this woman and I see that, on a much larger scale.

And I noticed he didn't even think of lashing back....he just headed for the house.

[Guest]

I could be wrong, but is the praise because she is black? How often on TV do we see the big black woman smacking her kids on the back of the head? Is the Scary Black Mama just an accepted stereotype?

[wonderchica]

He's not a little kid getting hit with an object or a closed fist. He's an older teen smacked with an open hand.

[PeacefulChaos]

I certainly hope the praise doesn't have any correlation to race... but tbh, I can't really say for sure.  The way a lot of my conservative FB 'friends' are posting it is in that light, though, unfortunately - I don't know if they are seeing it when they do it, but based on what they are saying, etc... 

 

I will say that I *do* think - and maybe this is naive of me - that most people would be supportive seeing a parent of any race (or gender, for that matter) coming to find their child and pull them out of something that's dangerous and a mistake, and could negatively affect their future in the long run.  

So I guess I see it less as 'oh look, at least this one woman has her kid under control!' than 'I support that a parent is being active in their child's life.' (the latter is worded sort of stiffly, but I couldn't think of anything better to describe it... saying 'it's nice to see...' doesn't really work, because I can't say that it's awesome for her or anybody involved to be broadcast over all the news stations - from her standpoint it's not about people seeing it, kwim?)

[marbel]

He's not a little kid getting hit with an object or a closed fist. He's an older teen smacked with an open hand.

 

And he's being removed from a dangerous situation.  I don't hit my kids but I hope I'd do what she did if I saw one of mine in the same place.  It's just a different situation. Using force to remove one's kid from a riot is not the same as beating them up because they left their bike outside (or whatever reasons people use to justify hitting their kids).    I just see it as being an extraordinary circumstance requiring extraordinary measures.  Was he badly hurt by her shoving and hitting him?  Would it have been better for her to leave him alone to be hurt, killed, or arrested?  Should she have just said "oh, honey, please come home" and walked away calmly if he didn't?   Not really asking anyone to answer the questions, just thinking about it.

 

[SKL]

That wasn't CPS abuse, not even close.

 

Here's what it says to me.  Moms are shit scared for their kids, especially those who are in the middle of this sort of thing.  That young man is being shown that his mom wants him ALIVE.  What the hell change can you make if you're dead?

 

And that says about a hundred other things.  Like, why does "dead" enter into it?  A discussion about what black moms fear has the potential to make a difference without violence.

 

I kinda feel bad for her because she didn't ask to be on national TV, nor did her son.  But I hope it ends up working for the best.

[AimeeM]

I very firmly believe that even CPS would understand that she was terrified and doing whatever she could to get her son out of the situation. By the way he followed her like a pup with its tail between its legs, head down, after the incident, you knew that HE knew he shouldn't have been there.

 

I don't hit my kids. I don't spank. If I saw one of my children in the middle of such a terribly dangerous situation, putting themselves at risk, and acting violently towards others, I can't swear that I wouldn't do the same darn thing. 

[Butter]

I don't think anyone would be screaming for CPS to get involved.  He's a teenager.  He's not a 5 year old.  He was involved in a riot.  He was not have a meltdown over not getting candy.

[Ellie]

He's not a little kid getting hit with an object or a closed fist. He's an older teen smacked with an open hand.

 

Exactly. His mother is horrified that he is acting that way, because that isn't how she brought him up to behave, and is exercising parental authority. She isn't condoning his behavior in any way. Right on.

[Scarlett]

Exactly. His mother is horrified that he is acting that way, because that isn't how she brought him up to behave, and is exercising parental authority. She isn't condoning his behavior in any way. Right on.

Yep. Dh said that isn't abuse, it is parenting.

[goldberry]

And he's being removed from a dangerous situation.  I don't hit my kids but I hope I'd do what she did if I saw one of mine in the same place.  It's just a different situation. Using force to remove one's kid from a riot is not the same as beating them up because they left their bike outside (or whatever reasons people use to justify hitting their kids).    I just see it as being an extraordinary circumstance requiring extraordinary measures. 

 

Yes, I agree.  Extraordinary situation.

 

There are a lot of comments about "it would have been better for her to just be an involved parent all along"  While I certainly don't know what kind of parent she was, the fact that the boy did not even think of retaliating to her, even in the midst of this adrenaline filled situation,  says *something* about her ongoing parenting and relationship.

[TeenagerMom]

In an interview she did this a.m. she stated he had TOLD him not to go when he brought it up. She attended the funeral and would have allowed him to if he had asked. It was planned by his friends to go start trouble and he already has a history with being arrested and she is trying to get him on the right path. She knew they would be up to no good. I give her Kudos for being a strong parent in the face of adversity & trying to teach her child that two wrongs don't make a right.

 

I, too, have yelled at my kids in moments of desperation where I feared for their lives (running out into the street, etc). It is a human reaction.

[Scarlett]

Yes, I agree. Extraordinary situation.

 

There are a lot of comments about "it would have been better for her to just be an involved parent all along" While I certainly don't know what kind of parent she was, the fact that the boy did not even think of retaliating to her, even in the midst of this adrenaline filled situation, says *something* about her ongoing parenting and relationship.

Yes. Lol.....he was ducking and running. He knew his mom meant business!

[BigMamaBird]

I completely sympathize with her.  I equate her reaction to when a little toddler runs out in traffic.  The adrenaline hits and you just panic.  I have been on the receiving end and have witnessed the panicked reactions of a Mom whose child is in immediate mortal danger.  You don't think.  You grab them by their little arm, yank them violently back, paddle their little behinds and do that hollering/sobbing tirade thing.  In the moment your brain isn't working, you just don't want a dead child.  I can totally see her reaction the same way.  To her, his behavior was putting him in the same danger as if he had stepped in front of a semi.  She didn't care about being gentle, she just wanted him him alive.  

[Cottonwood]

Its the same to me as my child was running towards a busy street.  The way I yell their name is going to be drastically different then other times when they aren't headed for or in the midst of grave danger. It would be MEANT to get their attention.  I saw that video the same way.  She may have even surprised herself with the way she treated her son, but I thought of it as the instincts of a mom in a scary situation.  I was glad to see a mom in action, protecting her son.  How many OTHER types of horrible parenting stories and tragedies do we often see?  This one refreshed me. lol

[Ewe Mama]

I totally agree with the up thread posts and the reasoning, fear, and emotion behind it.

[sparrow]

I very firmly believe that even CPS would understand that she was terrified and doing whatever she could to get her son out of the situation. By the way he followed her like a pup with its tail between its legs, head down, after the incident, you knew that HE knew he shouldn't have been there.

 

I don't hit my kids. I don't spank. If I saw one of my children in the middle of such a terribly dangerous situation, putting themselves at risk, and acting violently towards others, I can't swear that I wouldn't do the same darn thing. 

 

:iagree: Completely.

 

 

Her son was in what could have been a life or death situation. I have no idea what I would have done to get my son out there, but it may have looked a lot like that, and i have never hit or spanked him.

[Carrie12345]

I screamed like a banshee and violently yanked my preschooler when he went skipping blindly toward a busy city street.

I screamed and shouted and lectured when my older ASD kid went walking in front of a school bus on a quiet street. (I was not within proximity to touch him.)

We all instinctively want our children to stay alive. By whatever means seem quickest.

[sparrow]

Last night there was group of Baltimore moms interviewed on CNN about this mom. They all agreed she did what she had to do. One of those moms ran an after school program at the high school. She said that when the riots broke out, she had 16 kids with her and was frantically texting their parents that they were safe and with her....then she wondered aloud, "Why they didn't text me first, I have no idea".  That really struck me.

[Retired]

she is a single mom of 6 with a teenage son and I knew just from his reaction to her that he was well raised the best she could do if this was a dysfunctional home he more than likely would of struck her back.

 

I have sons 18 and 21 and although I was not single my dh worked out of town a lot.  The teenage male thinks they are "adult" "man of the house"  I really had to crack down and keep authority when he was away and sometimes they were still mouthy.  They did apologize and know better but its the age.

 

My sons said I would of done the same thing but without the cursing LOL.   I have gone after them with a broom one time while dh was gone.  I really wasn't going to hit them but they were pushing my last buttons and they knew it.

 

I at least had another parent I knew would be home soon.  I hate to say this but there is a lack of fathers staying and parenting in the African American community.

 

I really think having a male to be accountable too help these young men to stay on the right path.  I would hope its their father

 

She IMO is doing the best job she can.  I work inner city hospital and see way to many black teen boys being raised by a elderly grandma or single mom.  The guardian tell me they don't know what to do and scared for their boys.  I imagine the mom was scared for her son.  

[trulycrabby]

I think she was doing what she needed to do to make an impact on her son and get him out of harm's way as fast as possible.

[poppy]

It's a great story, really.  Mom panics, son reacts appropriately.

 

 

 

I do think it's uncomfortable how some people with zero empathy towards Baltimore or the protests are getting a kick out of this story. Like they never did anything dumb as a teen, or been that parent in a desperate moment.

[Shellydon]

I think people are happy she did *something* rather than nothing.

[Crimson Wife]

I was uncomfortable about the hitting but I'm going to give any mom in that kind of situation the benefit of the doubt. It was a chaotic scene and she was panicking. It's Monday morning QBing to criticize her handling of her son. She needed to get him out of there fast and while maybe in retrospect there might've been a better way to accomplish the goal, I'm cutting her a LOT of slack.

[momto10blessings]

The video is tough to watch.

I would have been applauding her if she marched up to him, grabbed his arm and yelled at him. The violence she showed was scary and doesn't really the get point across.

[SKL]

The video is tough to watch.

I would have been applauding her if she marched up to him, grabbed his arm and yelled at him. The violence she showed was scary and doesn't really the get point across.

 

Well, remember that she had just walked across the street from the line of police officers in riot gear.  Her son was getting ready to throw a rock at a line of heavily armed cops.  On a police force not known for being super gentle with combative young black men.

 

How calm and collected would you be if your child insisted on running around in a live minefield?  Or you walked in on him playing Russian Roulette?

 

I dunno.  I have to say I can relate on a couple of levels.  I don't think corporal punishment is the devil, first of all.  Of course you are unlikely to catch me on video doing what she did, but I don't believe her reaction was that extreme for the circumstances.  I guarantee that many 16yo boys (and girls) in America have been slapped upside the head this week.

 

On another level, as a single mom, I can relate to the feeling that I only have so many chances to get this right; the buck stops here; the stakes are high.  My kid isn't listening to me, and I can't make him.  I just attended a young man's funeral.  What can I do to make sure the next one isn't my own kid in the coffin?  I mean, I don't live in the circumstances surrounding her family right now, but ya know, this is a perfect example of fear and powerlessness boiling over.  At least she only hit with her open hand.

[Cottonwood]

Well, remember that she had just walked across the street from the line of police officers in riot gear.  Her son was getting ready to throw a rock at a line of heavily armed cops.  On a police force not known for being super gentle with combative young black men.

 

 

 

I hadn't seen this....but if that's the circumstances, all sorts of images are going through my mind of how I'd act in her situation, and none of them I can share.  :lol:

[Scarlett]

Everyone.....shhhhh......almost everyone is in 100 percent agreement on a potentially explosive thread.  

[Tess in the Burbs]

I agree OP.  If I did that today in public I would be charged with child abuse and CPS would come take my kids pending an investigation.  Yes, parents should be more passionate about their criminal kids and get them home!  But it seems like this situation is only acceptable b/c of the riots around her.  It wouldn't fly any other day.  

 

 

[wonderchica]

Honestly, I discussed the video with colleagues who work at CPS yesterday. They all agreed it does not meet our state's definition of child abuse and likely wouldn't even be investigated if reported, let alone result in someone's children being taken away.

[Tess in the Burbs]

Honestly, I discussed the video with colleagues who work at CPS yesterday. They all agreed it does not meet our state's definition of child abuse and likely wouldn't even be investigated if reported, let alone result in someone's children being taken away.

 

That is good to know, LOL.  Be prepared kids....it's legal to slap you up side your head when acting like that!!  

[goldberry]

 Is the Scary Black Mama just an accepted stereotype?

 

I don't know about that.  I am not in favor of hitting or slapping kids in anger, but as I said above I agree that this was an extraordinary circumstance similar to yanking your child out of imminent danger.

 

I've thought about the Scary Black Mama thing...and decided that I don't really get to make a judgment about mamas in those situations.  I've never had to worry about my boy (with no positive male role models) joining a gang or becoming a drug runner before the age of 10.  The truth is, that is an extraordinary circumstance as well.

 

Many of those mamas are doing all they can do not to lose their kids to the streets.  We worry about college, many are worrying about kids dead or in jail by the time they are 20.  In all honesty, I have no idea what it would take to successfully raise a child in that environment.

[Murphy101]

It's definitely a mixed message... but that's parenting, in general, in the U.S. Just look at the Free Range parenting thing. Parents want their kids to be independent and adventuresome, but then some will freak if a 10 and 6 year old walk a few blocks alone. People, in theory, want gentle parenting...but then you'll see numerous reposts by parents who applaud strong parenting.

 

I think part of it is the boy's age. Part of it is frustration with people not understanding why people riot. I think she was symbolic of a lot of people who want to say, "WTH are you doing? Why are you destroying your own neighborhoods and stores because you're mad at the police, the system, etc."

 

But I could be 100% wrong.

Well I have no idea wth people riot against their own neighborhoods either. I don't have much sympathy for it regardless of the reasons. (This case, sports... Whatever.)

 

But I'm okay with how that mom acted. This was not a situation where a mom could just calmly say, "now honey, stop that or you're grounded".

 

If I had to pull my gone crazy with stupid son out of that adrenaline pumping madness, I'd have been willing to get physical too. Unusual and extreme situations can necessitate unusual and extreme efforts. I would not assume that bc she did that in that situation that she has been beating the boy his whole life.

 

I don't think anyone is saying, "YAY! go beat your boys up if you love them!"

 

Most and myself are saying, "Good for her going to whatever lengths and doing whatever she had to get her boy out of a dangerous situation for himself and others."

 

It sure as heck beats the moms staying home wringing their hands in futility or encouraging the problem or just not caring enough to bother knowing about their kid.

[K&Rs Mom]

  But it seems like this situation is only acceptable b/c of the riots around her.  It wouldn't fly any other day.  

 

I'm guessing she doesn't do that every other day.  Regardless of the circumstances, CPS generally doesn't get involved for one-time incidents, only if there is a pattern of ongoing abuse or neglect.

[Murphy101]

I have never heard the scary black mom thing before. I just thought it was a general "Poor Moms don't have time for no crap and there's gonna be hell to pay for the kid who dishes it."

 

Black, Hispanic, german.... Whatever.

 

There's a hilarious YouTube video about a Hispanic parenting technique that me and my friend were laughing about bc of the memories of our childhoods it brought up...

 

I'll see if I can find it... Can I link to YouTube on here?

[Lanny]

She was shocked that her DS was involved in violence against the Police.

 

I am shocked that the Mayor of Baltimore told the Police to stand down, so the rioters would have the ability to destroy things. I cannot understand what the mayor wanted, when she said that.   More people will move out of Baltimore now, property values will decrease, and the problems, sadly, will probably get worse for the residents of Baltimore.

[Murphy101]

Found it.

 

La Chancla. LOL

 

Every kid I knew growing up laughed about this stuff. We had a really long funny thread sharing memories from various childhoods from various backgrounds and they all had stuff like this.

 

[The Girls' Mom]

I have to say, I'd have gone all scary redneck momma if that had been my son.  I don't hit my kids, but all three of mine agreed that they wouldn't have been the least bit surprised if I wholloped them upside the head if they were caught in a similar situation.  She was a mama bear, terrified for her son, who is bigger than her, and got him out of that situation in the most effective way she knew how.  I would totally smack my kid around if it meant saving his life.  And yes, we need many more parents out there willing to to the same.  So many of these rioters were young people that should have had parents and grandparents dragging their behinds home.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I had mixed feelings.  I strongly felt she was doing it out of desperation and fear and not in some random abusive way, but it was assault and I don't believe it's ever really right.  However, she might have saved his life.  Him putting himself in that position of fighting the cops could have gotten him killed.  His mother bopping him in the head was nothing if you look at it that way. 

 

She did what she felt she had to do.  Then again, maybe it would have been good enough to pull him out of there and drag him home.  (not literally drag).  But who knows, maybe that would not have gotten through to him.  Then again, if any of his "friends" saw him leave they know it wasn't because he "chickened out".  It was because his mother MADE him leave.  So there is that too.

 

 

[marbel]

The video is tough to watch.

I would have been applauding her if she marched up to him, grabbed his arm and yelled at him. The violence she showed was scary and doesn't really the get point across.

 

Doesn't get the point across?   And how is it scary exactly? The only way I find it scary is to imagine myself entering that scene to get my kid out of there.   It's not as if she could really hurt the kid. 

 

My kids watched the video with me. They agreed that if I did something like that, they'd know I was very serious.   They think it got the point across all right.  

[BrookValley.]

Everyone.....shhhhh......almost everyone is in 100 percent agreement on a potentially explosive thread.

LOL. I noticed that, but was too afraid to say anything...

 

And, I agree. Under normal circumstances, I think hitting your kid is ignorant at best, but this was an exceptional situation. I don't blame the mom one bit. She just wanted her kid out of there.

 

What *does* bother me are the comments (elsewhere) that, in a nutshell, say the rioting wouldn't be happening if more parents were beating their kids. Sounds like an awesome strategy--teach your kids to avoid violence by making them the victims of violence at home. Uh, ok.

[unsinkable]

The mom should sell T-shirts:

 

"I went to the riots and all I got was whacked upside my head."

[Slojo]

I support the mom, but I was more sad than anything else about seeing it on display for the world to see. I kind of felt like it was a family moment that we were not intended to see, and I did not like the many "voyeuristic" comments that seemed to follow. So, yeah, she did what she had to do, but I don't think that every person "applauding" was so noble. Did you care anything about the root cause conditions that lead up to such a public display? Would you have been inclined to call this kid a "thug" and "blame poor parenting" of "those kids?"  In another context, would you be "applauding"?  

 

Again, I understand the need to do what you have to do no matter who's watching, but shame on us "for watching."  I also don't like the too easy link to "if more parents did exactly this," riots wouldn't happen. It's just more complex than that. There's more I could say, but I'll leave it for now. 

 

[sassenach]

I have never heard the scary black mom thing before. I just thought it was a general "Poor Moms don't have time for no crap and there's gonna be hell to pay for the kid who dishes it."

 

Black, Hispanic, german.... Whatever.

 

There's a hilarious YouTube video about a Hispanic parenting technique that me and my friend were laughing about bc of the memories of our childhoods it brought up...

 

I'll see if I can find it... Can I link to YouTube on here?

If the technique is throwing a shoe, I can attest that that is a REAL thing. You can find a million online jokes about Mexican kids getting hit with their mom's chanclas. My dh's mom is legendary for throwing things at her kids.

[sassenach]

Found it.

 

La Chancla. LOL

 

Every kid I knew growing up laughed about this stuff. We had a really long funny thread sharing memories from various childhoods from various backgrounds and they all had stuff like this.

 

I should have scrolled down further!

[umsami]

Found it.

 

La Chancla. LOL

 

Every kid I knew growing up laughed about this stuff. We had a really long funny thread sharing memories from various childhoods from various backgrounds and they all had stuff like this.

 

 

Flip-flop and slipper is common discipline technique in DH's culture too.