OnTheBrink Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 This has been a rough year on dd, friends-wise. Two people she thought were her friends are most decidedly NOT and she's pretty hurt and feeling a bit abandoned. Tonight is our church's NYE potluck and "talent" show. I was planning on going, but she doesn't want to. She'd rather stay home alone and watch tv. I don't want to leave her alone on NYE and I'm not sure making her go with me to the potluck is the best idea. I do want to go, but I'm not sure if I should just ditch it and stay home with her. Add to all this, her "father" (and I use the term loosely!) had made plans with her for the afternoon, then changed them. He's too stupid to realize we do compare texts, and what he says to her is different than what he says to me. He invited her over to play video games, but his new BF has moved in and is there, and EX won't admit the new BF has moved in. It's all ridiculous. So, given all that, would you stay home with your dejected teen, go to the potluck and let her be by herself, or make her go with the idea it might be more fun that she thinks? I don't want to smother her, but I don't want to bail on her, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I would ask her what she prefers and go along with that. At that age I probably would have loved to stay home by myself on NYE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 She's 16... skip the event. Stay home together or take her out for dinner and a movie... maybe there's a double feature tonight, there often are on holidays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I'd stay home and spend time with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 If I thought she was going to stay home and mope, I'd probably try to drag her along, with the intent to leave early if she clearly wasn't having fun. If she just wants a quiet evening at home and is perfectly content with that, I don't see why that would be a problem tonight unless you don't leave her home along regardless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I would stay home, watch movies and Anderson Cooper being embarrassed by what's her face, eat fun junk, and hang out with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I would ask her too, but I would probably stay home with or find something else for the two of you to do tougher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twolittleboys Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 It depends on the person. I LOVED staying home by myself on New Year's Eve as a teenager - but that is probably not typical. If you are sure she will have a good time on her own I might still go to the potluck, otherwise I'd stay home or if possible I would go out with her to do something fun (a movie, pizza etc.). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I would feel her out and see if she really does want to be alone. If she does I would honor that. Otherwise I would do something fun with her. She will be out of the house soon enough and you only have so much time left to make fun memories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Skip the party. Do some mother daughter fun thing together. Movie marathon, manicures, anything you think of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Dd 20 says make it a fun night for the two of you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Stay with her. What an awful thing to do, to bail on his daughter. I don't understand parents sometimes. I hope she calls him on that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Stay home with her but make it fun, not just tv. But chick flicks, and facial masks and pedicures and treats. Neither one of you gets to be mopey about how crappy it all is right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I wouldn't leave her home alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I would absolutely stay home with her, and I would spend this afternoon planning a special evening together. Maybe you could go out and buy some special snacks or get a new DVD to watch together, or do something else to make her feel extra-important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Do something together tonight. Appy night and movies at home, or else go to a theatre together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 My almost-16-year old says she loves staying home alone but not on NYE. Her suggestion is pizza and movies. But then her suggestion is almost always pizza and movies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I vote stay home. But... if your dd would feel bad you missed your night, then go to the event alone for just a little while (only saying you have other plans, but not what), then come home and spend the rest of the evening with her. If she is upset, you might have to bake cookies alone (mine will then come down to get dough leftovers with of course her favorite movie playing...). Be prepared for her to not being at her best, and don't even think about telling her you missed your evening for that. She will appreciate and remember it forever, guaranteed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caclcoca Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I would stay home with her, watch movies, and eat junk food. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Runningmom80 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I'd stay home. I was that teen once, and my parents did not stay home when I wished they had. (Not necessarily for NYE, but other holidays.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I would stay home and watch movies with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 How close is the potluck? If it;s a 10-min drive or so, I;d go for a short time. Have looser plans for tonight at home with her- food that can be picked at, rather than a "meal" that must be eaten all at once at a specific time. Netfix or DVD that you can watch anytime, not a movie out. That gives more flexibility, and if she truly wants to be alone she won't feel like she has to eat this meal or go to the theater because you went to all that trouble, KWIM??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I would declare pj night and stay home - kind of what I am doing. The kids have a bunch of friends coming over but once i put the food out - pj tiime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I would not make her go out, and I'd respect her wish for time alone at least for part of the evening. Maybe you could go to the potluck for a short time and come home to spend time with her if you're conflicted about whether to stay home with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Stay home! Have fun with your daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I'd stay home, but I'm a homebody. If you really wanted to go to the party but are okay with leaving early, I'd do that. Then I'd stop and get junk food or fun stuff and watch silly movies or something like that. I'd spend midnight with her. Sorry your ex is being a poopy head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted December 31, 2014 Author Share Posted December 31, 2014 Ok, we talked about it a few times this afternoon. She doesn't want to go to the potluck at all. I offered to get some junk food and soda and spend the night with her--she could watch what ever she wants on TV (we have netflix and hulu+). She said she wants to watch Big Bang Theory on her ipad. I made cheesy dip and smokies in blankets for her and she said she's fine with that. She told me to go to the potluck; she's fine. I told her that if she changes her mind, to just text me or just come down to the potluck. It's only 8 minutes away, and I won't be there late--probably home by 9. I think I'll stop on the way home for some sparkling apple juice for us to have at 12. I think she's more angry at her dad and not wanting to be around people. I have heard her laughing at her show so she's not moping. She did call him on his crap and he ignored it and refused to acknowledge she was even addressing it. It's so ridiculous. He will NOT admit to her he's moved this new guy in. And, because we're not morons, it's pretty obvious he has. And who cares? She hasn't stayed over night with her dad in a few years because of the previous BF. It's not like anyone would be shocked. Thanks for all the input. I'll be texting her while I'm gone, make sure she's fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Thanks for the update! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Great plan. Aaaaaand now I want smokies in blankets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Uggggh deadbeat dads. :( So sorry. Glad to hear you will both be able to make the best of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 If you're thinking about a movie and not afraid of R rating (the main character is overcoming grief and has flashbacks to nudity, sexual content, heroin abuse), Wild is an absolutely amazing movie. Much better than the book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 They should have filmed at least part of Wild where I live. The bulk of her personal journey takes place here in the book, and yet none of the movie was filmed here. Argghh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 I'm glad you are both giving her space and planning to be home in time to spend NYE with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted January 2, 2015 Author Share Posted January 2, 2015 After the potluck, some friends invited people over and I texted DD to see if she wanted to go. She did, so I picked her up and we went over and brought the new year in there. It was fun and she got to hang with one of her friend's who's home from college for the holidays. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 Thanks for the update -- I'm glad everything worked out so well! :hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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