Counseling was a fail, I feel like a fool

[JFSinIL]

I am so, so sorry to hear this. I thought he graduated last May, and I think earlier this year you said he was having some difficulties but I thought it was a different kid.  Dd has battled anxiety and one of her professors badgers her about it- she's such a bully.  We've had our share of tearful phone calls.   Prayers for your ds, and for you. 

 

They let him walk graduation (which we missed due to crash) but he still needed to finish a few classes that he had had to drop for medical reasons. Unfortunately, he is still not  doing well enough on meds to function :- ( and finish those classes.

[unsinkable]

They let him walk graduation (which we missed due to crash) but he still needed to finish a few classes that he had had to drop for medical reasons. Unfortunately, he is still not doing well enough on meds to function :- ( and finish those classes.

(((JFS)))

 

I am so sorry.

[Aras]

:grouphug:

 

I have a close family member who is also bipolar. It took at least one hospitalization, medication, and counseling to get it under control. There is hope at the end of the tunnel, but I think you have done what you can at this point. She needs outside intervention. 

 

It is hard to cope while it is happening, I'm sorry.

[Mrs Mungo]

I've had a family member with bi-polar disorder. It isn't a disease that is "cured" by medication or counseling. It is managed. Counseling is not a fail because she had an episode of erratic behavior. Behavior also isn't totally within a bi-polar person's control. Assigning guilt or blame or calling them a bad person is like blaming someone who is a type one diabetic for their disease.

 

I agree with other people that it really sounds like you and your dh need to go through counseling and find a support group (like those offered through NAMI as mentioned by other posters). I don't think the two of you are grasping what her brain is doing when she is having an episode. She might be not be telling the truth when she tells you something, but she can *believe* that she is. People with bipolar disorder who are having a manic episode can have hallucinations and delusions *which they believe are true*. This is part of the illness. She is sick.

 

Deciding that she is a bad person or that you are a fool for believing her or that you are failures-those are signs that you aren't really grasping what is happening. It is like you are blaming a person with epilepsy for hitting you during a seziure. Yes, it hurts, but she is not in control.

 

Was she seeing a psychologist or a psychiatrist?

[Lanny]

RE: Photos My wife recently recovered photos that had been deleted on a Samsung Android phone with something I believe is called Disk Doctor. Not sure of the spelling or the name of the utility she used and she is out of town, so I can't ask her right now. If you have the iPhone keep it in a safe place. There is a possibility your photos can be recovered if the phone is working at all.  Are they by any chance on an SD Micro Memory that you can remove from the phone?

 

RE: Severe mental illness...  The best thing would be if she would willingly go to a hospital for mental health help. Possibly her boyfriend or Psychologist or Psychiatrist can talk her into doing that. It would be better if she does it willingly. If not, depending on the laws in your state, possibly the police can pick her up and take her to a hospital, for her own protection.   Probably best to protect yourself and your DH and your young son from her. 

 

I wish you and her much good luck!

 

 

[Catwoman]

Any updates? Have you seen or heard from your dd today?

[Elisabet1]

Any updates? Have you seen or heard from your dd today?

My birthparents keep texting that I have to give her a winter coat. We live in the south and she does not wear a winter coat. But they keep texting over and over because they are trying to start a fight "I find it very cruel that you would not give this little girl a winter coat in December." These are people who lost custody of me because they were child abusers. I never had a winter coat growing up in the north when I lived with them, or decent shoes, socks, etc. So they are just obsessing on the coat to try to pick fights. I resent that she did this again. Last time she ran away to them, they pulled a bunch of stuff, but she also ran from them within 12 hours. I put them on block on my phone and am done with them.

 

We changed the security codes on the house. We let the security company know she is not to come in. The doctor knows what is going on as well as the therapist. Her boyfriend contacted me and told me things she has been telling him. He is devastated over how she is treating him. His heart is broken. I feel awful for him. 

 

That is it. My birth parents are playing a game with her and when they get tired of it, they will throw her out. Her doctor is trying to reach her therapist too. The doctor saw the texts and internet history and so did the PA and they both think she is attention seeking, not actually suicidal. But the doctor was going to call the therapist too. My husband says we cannot let her back in here if she returns. I know he is right. It is just very hard. And the boyfriend, I feel so awful for him.

[Impish]

I'm so sorry.

 

I think that disengaging, as best as you can, is about all you can do right now. She's an adult, and if she's able to be taking off here and there, she's able to figure out how to get herself a coat. You're not responsible for her choices, including her clothing, so I'd ignore all the nonsense they're texting you.

 

You don't get to retain the rights of a child, when you demand those of the adult. (I'm talking about your birth parents trying to force you to buy her anything, here)

 

Hoping and praying that she gets the help she needs, but for now, taking care of you, and your minor children, is all you really can do.

 

I'm so sorry.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: 

[Elisabet1]

This is the one at Baylor, correct?  Yeah, he is finishing up finals probably.  My oldest had his last one today.  Poor guy...

 

I don't mean to be snarky, but I am honestly confused.  You sounded so positive about the boyfriend at first.  Then he was a deadbeat who never had a job and now he is back in your good graces again????

 

I'm really sorry about your daughter.  Mental illness is just hard....  My dad was bipolar so I understand.

 

He hasn't had a job, yes. But he is a really nice and kind guy. My other children adore him and he is always kind and respectful, and helpful and nice. He also seems to have brought in straight A's this term.

 

 

I ended up just bawling tonight again over this. I took down some of the stockings. I am unsure about her boyfriend's presents. I think I will still wrap them and give them to him when we see him again. 

[Mrs Mungo]

She is an adult, so I think you do need to give her everything that belongs to her, even if you aren't going to let her live at home anymore. She could take you to court, if you don't. Don't think anyone manipulating her won't think of it.

[Impish]

She is an adult, so I think you do need to give her everything that belongs to her, even if you aren't going to let her live at home anymore. She could take you to court, if you don't. Don't think anyone manipulating her won't think of it.

I'd call the police non emergency line, if you want to confirm, but yes, what Mrs. Mungo says has been my experience. Anything that is *clearly* hers, ie clothes should be made available to her.

 

Stuff like furniture, etc, no. I was told (again, you can/should call to confirm) that unless I could prove who paid for it, it couldn't be removed.

 

But, that doesn't mean you have to go out and buy her anything, either, that she doesn't already have.

[Seasider]

She is an adult, so I think you do need to give her everything that belongs to her, even if you aren't going to let her live at home anymore. She could take you to court, if you don't. Don't think anyone manipulating her won't think of it.

I was thinking that you could pack her a suitcase and/or box up things for her to come and get, should SHE contact you directly and ask for these things, or if her doctor or counselor want to serve as a go-between. But I believe you are right in not responding to the provoking demands of your birth parents. Surely they have a coat she could borrow.

[AmyontheFarm]

Our dd21 is also bipolar.  As a couple we have decided that the safety of our other children HAD to come first.  She is an adult. They are minor children.  They have a right to feel safe in their home.  So far, (knock on wood) there hasn't been safety issues that have come up.  We took the time with a counselor to explain to her what we would do if she made our other kids feel unsafe.  When we sat there with the counselor our dd told us that we were being too generous and that the "line in the sand" needed to be moved to protect her younger siblings sooner rather than later.

 

Knowing this ahead of time for me as Mom helps me.  Being a parent of a bipolar adult child is hard. Emotionally and physically at times.  I'll be praying for you and your family.

 

Hugs, Amy

[Catwoman]

I don't think you should let her move back home whenever she feels like it, either, but if your parents kick her out of their house, will she have anywhere to go?

 

This must be so hard for you, because you know it's not safe to let her come home, but you don't want her living on the street and being in potential danger, either.

 

I wish you could get her into a mental health facility so she could get help.

 

(BTW, I think you did the right thing by blocking your parents' phone calls. They sound incredibly manipulative.)

[Elisabet1]

I'm so sorry.

 

I think that disengaging, as best as you can, is about all you can do right now. She's an adult, and if she's able to be taking off here and there, she's able to figure out how to get herself a coat. You're not responsible for her choices, including her clothing, so I'd ignore all the nonsense they're texting you.

 

You don't get to retain the rights of a child, when you demand those of the adult. (I'm talking about your birth parents trying to force you to buy her anything, here)

 

Hoping and praying that she gets the help she needs, but for now, taking care of you, and your minor children, is all you really can do.

 

I'm so sorry.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: 

Thing is..I cannot even imagine she is wanting a coat. It was 50 degrees here today. She never ever wears her coat. I bought it when we went on vacation one Christmas to Colorado. Other than that, she has no interest in wearing it. It is likely in the coat closet. But, seriously, people her age do not wear coats around here. I don't know if anyone wears coats here. I know it still fits here because I was telling her she HAD to take it to college, she might want it once there, she can just stick it in the back of the closet for just in case. So she was going to take it for that. But that is it. I am 100% certain this is them making up something to text me about. But to add salt to this wound..one of the things they were guilty of, in the long list of things they were guilty of when they lost custody of me, was refusing to provide a coat or proper shoes or anything, in the midwest, where it got below zero during the winter and I had to walk home from school almost 2 miles. We were just below the 2 mile mark to qualify for bus service. So her running to people who did to me what they did is a major trigger. My dad has mental illness/dementia issues himself. But my mom is just plain mean. I have a hard time standing up to my dad because it is like, he never knew how to parent because of his issues. I always felt like he tried, but could not do so much. But my mom was, well, to be honest, much like what I see in my daughter. Cold hearted, doesn't care who she hurts, very successful in school. 

[Catwoman]

Thing is..I cannot even imagine she is wanting a coat. It was 50 degrees here today. She never ever wears her coat. I bought it when we went on vacation one Christmas to Colorado. Other than that, she has no interest in wearing it. It is likely in the coat closet. But, seriously, people her age do not wear coats around here. I don't know if anyone wears coats here. I know it still fits here because I was telling her she HAD to take it to college, she might want it once there, she can just stick it in the back of the closet for just in case. So she was going to take it for that. But that is it. I am 100% certain this is them making up something to text me about. But to add salt to this wound..one of the things they were guilty of, in the long list of things they were guilty of when they lost custody of me, was refusing to provide a coat or proper shoes or anything, in the midwest, where it got below zero during the winter and I had to walk home from school almost 2 miles. We were just below the 2 mile mark to qualify for bus service. So her running to people who did to me what they did is a major trigger. My dad has mental illness/dementia issues himself. But my mom is just plain mean. I have a hard time standing up to my dad because it is like, he never knew how to parent because of his issues. I always felt like he tried, but could not do so much. But my mom was, well, to be honest, much like what I see in my daughter. Cold hearted, doesn't care who she hurts, very successful in school. 

 

I hate to suggest this, but are you sure it's not your mom who wants a new coat for herself?

[AmyontheFarm]

Like Mrs. Mungo said, you have to give her her stuff, but I would add "sort of".

 

When dd left home, she went to go take all the Christmas ornaments that were in her Christmas box.  I distracted her and frankly hid it and her "baby memorabilia box".  I also "lost" a bunch of her photos.  Good thing I did.  Now, a year later she is back home and she sold basically everything she took with her or things were stolen.  She has cried because some things can't be replaced.

 

I'd have been heartbroken if she had sold all her keepsakes. So, send your dd the clothes.  But keep the expensive 1st communion photo frame someplace safe.  Send her her shoes but don't be able to find the ring Great grandma gave her.  See what I mean?

 

When she is stable in a few years, these things can be "found" and returned.

[Impish]

I don't think you should let her move back home whenever she feels like it, either, but if your parents kick her out of their house, will she have anywhere to go?

 

This must be so hard for you, because you know it's not safe to let her come home, but you don't want her living on the street and being in potential danger, either.

 

I wish you could get her into a mental health facility so she could get help.

Not having a place to go *may* be what causes that to finally happen.

 

That's the horrible thing about mental illness...IF someone in the home is unstable, to the point of violence, then younger children are at risk by their presence in the home, and if something (God forbid!) were to happen, and a child injured, could well result in a CPS investigation.

 

I think not allowing her back in the home is really the only safe option for the entire family. I can't imagine how hard, how hurtful that must be, but I don't think there's another safe option. :(

[zoobie]

Block your birth parents phone numbers. No need to hear from them. I'd ask an attorney re: abandoned property in your jurisdiction.

[AmyontheFarm]

Is there anyway you can get your family farther away from these people?  So, when your dd goes to bolt, she can't get to them?  Although, thinking out loud here, maybe the devil you know is better than the devil you don't.

[Impish]

Thing is..I cannot even imagine she is wanting a coat. It was 50 degrees here today. She never ever wears her coat. I bought it when we went on vacation one Christmas to Colorado. Other than that, she has no interest in wearing it. It is likely in the coat closet. But, seriously, people her age do not wear coats around here. I don't know if anyone wears coats here. I know it still fits here because I was telling her she HAD to take it to college, she might want it once there, she can just stick it in the back of the closet for just in case. So she was going to take it for that. But that is it. I am 100% certain this is them making up something to text me about. But to add salt to this wound..one of the things they were guilty of, in the long list of things they were guilty of when they lost custody of me, was refusing to provide a coat or proper shoes or anything, in the midwest, where it got below zero during the winter and I had to walk home from school almost 2 miles. We were just below the 2 mile mark to qualify for bus service. So her running to people who did to me what they did is a major trigger. My dad has mental illness/dementia issues himself. But my mom is just plain mean. I have a hard time standing up to my dad because it is like, he never knew how to parent because of his issues. I always felt like he tried, but could not do so much. But my mom was, well, to be honest, much like what I see in my daughter. Cold hearted, doesn't care who she hurts, very successful in school. 

I'm so sorry. I keep saying it, but I just can't find better words.

 

I misunderstood, I thought that they wanted you to go out and BUY a coat. If they're demanding one she owns, I'd give it. What happens is no longer your responsibility after that. And make sure there are witnesses (perhaps even recording?) of her getting the item(s).

[Elisabet1]

I don't think you should let her move back home whenever she feels like it, either, but if your parents kick her out of their house, will she have anywhere to go?

 

This must be so hard for you, because you know it's not safe to let her come home, but you don't want her living on the street and being in potential danger, either.

 

I wish you could get her into a mental health facility so she could get help.

 

(BTW, I think you did the right thing by blocking your parents' phone calls. They sound incredibly manipulative.)

The counselor suggested a group home which will give her counseling and such. But previously, it was discussed some sort of intensive day program for therapy. But I think I understand places that have that also have inpatient. Her boyfriend is going to see her tonight and try to get her to call the therapist. The doctor is willing to help her too. People are standing by to help her. BUT, if she returns here, it will likely be with a contract with someone..doctor, therapist...someone..about staying on medication, attending more counseling, and whatever else. But the current plan is the group home or inpatient. I tried to ask my sister (the older one, not the one who was raised by my mother) to take her and she says no way. I also tried to ask some friends with grown kids who I have known my whole life. Even my old foster parents have hung up their hats on this. And my grandpa died and grandma is still around, but she is too old to deal with this. If Grandpa were still around, he would be too old too. She is almost 90. 

[Peaceful Isle]

Hugs to you as you go through all this. :( try to take are of yourself as much as possible. Remember, you are important too. Wish I could make this all better for you.

[Impish]

The counselor suggested a group home which will give her counseling and such. But previously, it was discussed some sort of intensive day program for therapy. But I think I understand places that have that also have inpatient. Her boyfriend is going to see her tonight and try to get her to call the therapist. The doctor is willing to help her too. People are standing by to help her. BUT, if she returns here, it will likely be with a contract with someone..doctor, therapist...someone..about staying on medication, attending more counseling, and whatever else. But the current plan is the group home or inpatient. I tried to ask my sister (the older one, not the one who was raised by my mother) to take her and she says no way. I also tried to ask some friends with grown kids who I have known my whole life. Even my old foster parents have hung up their hats on this. And my grandpa died and grandma is still around, but she is too old to deal with this. If Grandpa were still around, he would be too old too. She is almost 90. 

I'm not surprised. They probably figure that if you, her mother, can't help her, there's no way they can.  :grouphug: 

[Catwoman]

I'm not surprised. They probably figure that if you, her mother, can't help her, there's no way they can. :grouphug:

:iagree:

 

And realistically, you can't really expect anyone to take on that level of stress and responsibility.

[bettyandbob]

Is your dd demanding the coat. It sounds like the grandma is demanding the coat. 

 

I'd block your bio parents phone numbers. I'd send a simple text to your dd that you've boxed up clothing and she can arrange a time and location (not home) to meet you and pick it up. Box up her clothing. And wait for her contact. If it's not clear your texts are recieved, send a letter return reciept requested (make copies) to prove you made contact about her belongs. And wait. Do not respond to bio parents at all. Tell dd in your communication you will not speak to bio parents should she choose to let them make contact on her behalf. 

[Elisabet1]

Is your dd demanding the coat. It sounds like the grandma is demanding the coat. 

 

I'd block your bio parents phone numbers. I'd send a simple text to your dd that you've boxed up clothing and she can arrange a time and location (not home) to meet you and pick it up. Box up her clothing. And wait for her contact. If it's not clear your texts are recieved, send a letter return reciept requested (make copies) to prove you made contact about her belongs. And wait. Do not respond to bio parents at all. Tell dd in your communication you will not speak to bio parents should she choose to let them make contact on her behalf. 

Just my birth parents. She has not contacted us at all. I really think they are just contacting me because they can use this as an excuse to harass me. I already put them on block. Thank you though!

[Catwoman]

Will the boyfriend keep you updated on how she is doing?

 

(And I would definitely still give him his Christmas presents. He sounds like a very kind and patient young man.)

[Chris in VA]

I'm so sorry you have to go thru this. I've been thru many relapses and they suck.

 

I'd say try to get an agreement to go to a residential treatment place. Check your insurance and see what is covered. There is a fairly new law that insurance can't say upfront how long they will cover.

 

Talk to the counselor and your insurance. Make an offer to your dd. If she takes it, great. If not, then tell her she can't stay with you, but you love her and will be there to help her find help.

 

I'm sorry, this is a trigger thread for me--that's all I've got.

 

Except these: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Arcadia]

My friend was suicidal the first year she was diagnosed. Being inpatient followed by having a local support group to contact help her. Medication takes time and she is much better now after many years.

The Internet search could be attention seeking but it could be desperation. It's safer to assume suicidal thoughts.

[LucyStoner]

I am having a hard time understanding that without seeing her, just going off the internet searches she made, any medical professional much less more than one would be willing to make a statement to you that it's not really suicidal thoughts but attention seeking. I really don't know what to make of that.

 

She needs intensive help and because she is now in adult that has little chance to happen until she also wants that help or she does something very risky.

[MomatHWTK]

Be angry at the circumstances, be angry at the adults who are taking advantage of her, but try not to be angry at her because her mental illness is out of control.  We too apply consequences for choices that endanger others when dealing with the people in our lives who are suffering from a mental illness, but it is important to remember that they are a person you love under all that wreckage.  :grouphug:

[Elisabet1]

Will the boyfriend keep you updated on how she is doing?

 

(And I would definitely still give him his Christmas presents. He sounds like a very kind and patient young man.)

He is going to keep us up to date.

[Spryte]

You know, I am baffled also that the therapist and doctor say that internet searches on her phone are attention-seeking only, as well.  Partly because for my family member, we've been told over and over to take all threats seriously and never assume they are attention-seeking, and also because these were private searches she was doing on her phone, correct?  You found them when you went through her phone after she left?  I thought it wasn't something she'd told you so much as you'd found while snooping (not making a negative statement about snooping there, just couldn't think of a better word).  

 

I've been where you are.  I know it's hard.  I think, in your shoes, I would take all threats, comments to you or anyone else, or just fantasies about suicide that she voices seriously, and I would find the internet searches and the wording there *very* concerning.  The consequences of not acting when action is required are too devastating to contemplate.  

 

If you believe she is a danger to herself, there are actions you can take for her - to get her into a facility for an evaluation.  Sadly, I've taken those actions, or I wouldn't know.  In our case, it involved police and an ER visit - and went from there.  

 

So sorry that you are going through this, and I hope your DD gets the helps she needs, to get stabilized.

[8circles]

I applaud you for doing the safe thing regarding the younger children in the house. I feel for your 10 yr-old and all that he has seen. I've been there and I can't express what an awful feeling it is - those wounds are deep.

 

I'm so sorry that you all are going through such an awful time.

[Jean in Newcastle]

You can still call 9-1-1 or the crisis hotline and ask them to do a welfare check on her.  Her mental state and the state of your birthparents are both good reasons to do so.  I hope you have time to read back over this thread to see again the posts urging you to find out more information through NAMI.  

[Elisabet1]

You can still call 9-1-1 or the crisis hotline and ask them to do a welfare check on her.  Her mental state and the state of your birthparents are both good reasons to do so.  I hope you have time to read back over this thread to see again the posts urging you to find out more information through NAMI.  

I actually already called NAMI too. I mean, I spoke to them based on people here suggesting it. They referred me to a triage center and told me what the legalities are in this state and such. The  lady I spoke to went through this same thing. It was a chapter by the county, not a national number.

[Joanne]

Thing is..I cannot even imagine she is wanting a coat. It was 50 degrees here today. She never ever wears her coat. I bought it when we went on vacation one Christmas to Colorado. Other than that, she has no interest in wearing it. It is likely in the coat closet. But, seriously, people her age do not wear coats around here. I don't know if anyone wears coats here. I know it still fits here because I was telling her she HAD to take it to college, she might want it once there, she can just stick it in the back of the closet for just in case. So she was going to take it for that. But that is it. I am 100% certain this is them making up something to text me about. But to add salt to this wound..one of the things they were guilty of, in the long list of things they were guilty of when they lost custody of me, was refusing to provide a coat or proper shoes or anything, in the midwest, where it got below zero during the winter and I had to walk home from school almost 2 miles. We were just below the 2 mile mark to qualify for bus service. So her running to people who did to me what they did is a major trigger. My dad has mental illness/dementia issues himself. But my mom is just plain mean. I have a hard time standing up to my dad because it is like, he never knew how to parent because of his issues. I always felt like he tried, but could not do so much. But my mom was, well, to be honest, much like what I see in my daughter. Cold hearted, doesn't care who she hurts, very successful in school. 

 

Elisabet,

 

It's not about the coat. It's not about the thrown cell phone. It's not about the "romantic" interest in other men. You are focusing on the content; the details of her and your life. The disease isn't in those details. You can't fix her through those details. It's not about a coat.

 

The coat, the inclusion of the birth parents, the manipulation of the bf are symptoms of her disease. It it wasn't a coat, it would be something else - and it wouldn't really be about THAT either.

 

Her brain makes "coats" out of anything/everything. If an issue does not exist, her brain will make one.

 

You can't manage her life or her sanity by worrying about the content of what she says.

 

My hope for you is that you stop focusing on her/her stuff and start getting help and education for you and the OTHER family members. It's your only chance for health and sanity.

[MomatHWTK]

:iagree:  Absolutely This. 

 

I have  a relative in the throes of depression who is convinced that we are against some of her recent behaviors because we are out to destroy her "happiness".   She has imagined that we are against things for reasons that don't exists, denied reasons we've provided, accused us of saying things we haven't said... 

 

I just have to keep telling myself that it doesn't matter what I say or do, she has created a narrative and she is going to hang onto it.  The decisions I have to make are:

 

First, where is my line as far as safety for my children, emotional and physical; and second, where is my line emotionally. When the person with the problem is your child, you have an extra layer of decision making- how to provide the best you can for each child's needs.  Like you, I have my own issues that I am dealing with and when someone else's chaos stops me from being a good mom I have to take drastic measures.  I hate to do it, but my own children come first.   :grouphug:  

 

 

[bettyandbob]

I actually already called NAMI too. I mean, I spoke to them based on people here suggesting it. They referred me to a triage center and told me what the legalities are in this state and such. The lady I spoke to went through this same thing. It was a chapter by the county, not a national number.

Did you just ask what you can do for your dd, getting her treatment, ect?

 

Or did you also ask about parent/family classes and support groups?

[dirty ethel rackham]

I don't have any advice for you other than what has been given.  As the parent of a young adult with mental illness, I can sympathize with the feelings of helplessness.  Please try not to take everything she does personally.  Protect yourself, protect your other children.  But see this as symptoms of the disease.  Arrange to give her her stuff.  Do not attempt to "punish" her behavior other than set boundaries to protect yourself.  I do know people who are "managing" bipolar disease.  I also know people who are not and have watched their lives spiral out of control, even after seeming to be stable for years.  It will be a life-long battle.   I would also suggest to the boyfriend that he contact NAMI for himself.  He, too, is experiencing collateral damage from her disease. 

[Elisabet1]

How is she doing?

I am unsure. I spoke to her doctor. And we made a plan for when she is ready to deal with this. In the meantime, we fired the counselor and arranged for a new one. Also, it was agreed that she should not have gone without the meds. The counselor did some major things she never should have done. The doctor let the counselor know she handled things poorly and ignored the diagnosis. But, my husband did too and let the counselor know we will not pay at all anymore and have arranged for another counselor. If she wants to continue to see our daughter, her choice. But she will not be collecting any money from us and we will not be paying. He also told her she was irresponsible and it is incomprehensible that she somehow managed to forget the details of what she was treating our daughter for and she failed to even keep records and such. The counselor ended up communicating a little with us and a certain amount with the doctor and turns out, she somehow seemed to have forgotten that my daughter had the issues she has, and had seen people before, and had an official diagnosis, and had been evaluated twice. What came from the counselor was a shock. She said that people don't usually suddenly develop these issues and the doctor was telling her she sent my daughter's records, and I had hand delivered them too! Seriously? Oh..and my daughter claimed to be abused so the counselor made an escape plan with her to go to my abusive birth parents? The fact that my daughter has a history of being a victim, lying, and being manipulative was in her records from doctors from the Children's Hospital (my daughter aged out of Children's). AND, I had verbally told her.  Now the therapist has not responded to explain how she managed to forget all that, and I asked her point blank if she even takes notes.

 

I feel like the counselor has ruined so much of her life with her complete failures. IF daughter ever comes back, which right now, everyone is in agreement she won't be allowed to, there will be a contract that she has to sign to release all records and allow communication with the counselor.

 

Anyway, I know I omitted a lot of details, but it would be a very long post if I included them. Now it is going to take a long time to undo what this counselor did. I worry this will never be undone. 

 

I forgot..we also arranged for a psychiatrist. This one did not have openings for a while, but the doctor spoke to the psychiatrist and he agreed to stay late and see her. Unfortunately, daughter is not back to see him.

 

edited to add: I think she is asking to come home. She left a message that she wanted to make things right. But I am not answering right now. I do not think I should answer without running it by the doctor first. I do not want to mess anything up.

[maize]

Oh my.

 

Did the counselor recommend she stop her meds? Were you aware of that?

 

A good counselor really can do a lot of good, but an incompetent counselor is a nightmare.

[AmyontheFarm]

Oh Elisabet1, that's horrid!  How can anyone mess up that terribly??  Is there some sort of governing body for that councellor that you can complain too?  Hugs

[Elisabet1]

The counselor actually said in an email to me tonight that a person does not just get bipolar disorder and it is caused by bad parenting and upbringing. And apparently, she has told my daughter this.

[Catwoman]

The counselor actually said in an email to me tonight that a person does not just get bipolar disorder and it is caused by bad parenting and upbringing. And apparently, she has told my daughter this.

Is there anyone to whom you can report the counselor?

 

It seems highly unusual that a counselor would suggest such a thing and even stranger that she would write something like that in an email.

 

Something is seriously wrong here.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Was this a licensed therapist?  or just someone with "counselor" attached to their name?  Report them to their licensing agency.  

[Joanne]

The counselor actually said in an email to me tonight that a person does not just get bipolar disorder and it is caused by bad parenting and upbringing. And apparently, she has told my daughter this.

 

This does not add up. First, your dd is a ADULT and the counselor does not have consent to talk to you.

 

Second, a licensed professional would not that kind of content in writing.

 

Third, a trained and licensed professional would not *believe* that after competent training.

 

The posts above regarding the counselor are also incongruent.

 

However, it the recent posts are an accurate representation, I suggest you not focus on "the counselor" because the problem isn't "the counselor" but your dd's disorder/disease.

 

 

 

[MomatHWTK]

I don't know anyone who can manage bi-polar without medication.  Now, I don't know everyone with bi-polar, so maybe I don't have enough facts.  But I do know of a few adults IRL with a true bi-polar dx.  Very bad things have happened when those folks have gone off their medications.  :(

 

Report the counselor to the state governing body for his/her profession and then move on toward getting adequate medical care for the child.  If she is asking to come back, maybe make seeing  a real doctor/counselor team or an inpatient evaluation a condition.  But don't get into all the other issues you have with her.  If she is bi-polar and unmedicated, you need to rescue her from herself before you worry about any other details.  (IMO)

[idnib]

Something is seriously wrong here.

 

Yes, something is seriously wrong here.