Holding a child back a grade - Pros/Cons

[FO4UR]

I have pretty much decided that holding my 6th grader back a year is going to be the best choice, but I need the Hive to talk this out with me.  Ds11 (12 in January), is my dyslexic child and has always always always  struggled with reading and writing.  He's able to read well, but lacks stamina.  He understands grammar well. He enjoys listening to good quality literature, and gives oral narrations well. Mechanics, spelling, and organization are a struggle.  He is a natural with math concepts, but again...he struggles with things like x facts/organizing his work so it' readable/double-checking b/c his work is so Unreadable...he always knows HOW to do it, but there is always a silly computation error.

 

 

Academically, I think an extra year will give him time to practice reading before the stakes are high.  Spelling is going to continue to take a large portion of his school day b/c he needs that.  I'd like for him to be able to spell reasonably well before starting high school. If I held him back a year, that will be less urgent.  Pushing him too hard always backfires, and I fear we will reach that point if I keep thinking "High school in 2.5 years."  3.5 years gives us some breathing room...where lessons need to be *DAILY* but not grueling and daily.  Then there is the matter of learning write paragraphs and papers.  I am confident that when he has the mechanics of spelling down, writing will come so much easier.  (If he could just put down on paper what comes out of his mouth...) Still, I'm thinking some wiggle room would be prudent.  I see some good progression made in the last 6mo or so, but I strongly feel that he just needs more time to bake than the average kid.  Math - this is actually his natural strength, but I find our math lessons becoming more and more about learning Executive Function than learning math.  That said, he NEEDS that focus for a while b/c he will flop in high school math without some decent Executive Function skills in place.  An extra year before high school will give some breathing room there too.  He has said over and over again that he wants to be an engineer.  I see this would fit his personality and interests well, but I want to make sure he can swim with the Big Kids before throwing him into the deep end.  kwim. 

 

I know HSing eliminates most of the angst over grade changes, but my kids seem to cling to who is in what grade.  He would actually prefer to be held back as far as church & sports go b/c most of his friends are in 5th grade now. I mentioned the idea of doing 6th grade again next year, and he happily lit up "Yeah!"  If we hold back, it needs to be now.  Once 7th grade starts, it's a different track for all sorts of things, better to be in 6th grade 2x.  Maturity-wise, he fits in better with the 5th graders.  He's still a little kid.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cons (off the top of my head)

 

-Feeling unhappy about it later.

-Maturing down the road, being stuck as a 18/19yo Senior in high school.

-????  (an extra year of his laundry before he strikes out on his own LOL)

 

 

 

Pros

 

-Extra year to mature.

- Extra year to gain fluency in reading/spelling

- Extra time for learning those executive function skills.

-An instant release of pressure will be released for both him and me.  Daily lessons...not grueling and daily.

-More time to read great books together.  So many books, so little time.

- Being Top of the Class in math (college), rather than hanging on b/c we pushed through disregarding mechanical details...I think this may be a life-changer for him, tbh.

 

 

 

  ???  What else?  I'm openly soliciting advice.  What am I not thinking about?

 

 

 

 

 

 

[EKS]

If you homeschool through high school, you could put off this decision until the last year or two.  At that point, if you decide he needs an extra year, you give it to him then and adjust his transcript accordingly.

[regentrude]

I do not understand what "holding back a grade" is supposed to mean in a homeschool context. You teach the child according to his ability with materials appropriate for his level. Period. I fail to see why you need to attach a grade or holding back label to this at this point in time

 

It suffices to determine a tentative graduation date when you get into the high school years.. and even there you have time until 11th or 12th grade to make a decision.

 

 

[Zoo Keeper]

I would give him the extra breathing room now.  Later is...later.  ;)  I gave my dyslexic an extra year now (instead of high school), and I don't regret it at all.  He needed it.  I needed it, because it helped me *as a teacher* remember that his skills in ___ were not at __ level.  It gave both of us space to help him move forward at the pace he needed.   In the area of reading/writing skills, my son is the tortoise, not the hare, and I needed to remember that.

[kiana]

If you homeschool through high school, you could put off this decision until the last year or two.  At that point, if you decide he needs an extra year, you give it to him then and adjust his transcript accordingly.

I agree with this. Some children make some remarkable leaps in maturity during middle school/early high school.

 

I'm going to address one of your pros explicitly: "Being Top of the Class in math (college), rather than hanging on b/c we pushed through disregarding mechanical details...I think this may be a life-changer for him, tbh." -- regardless of his grade level, you should not be pushing on disregarding mechanical details, even if it means he only has algebra and geometry at graduation (though in that case I would probably do an extra year of high school), he will still be better off than if he had more math on his transcript but did not understand it.

[73349]

If he were going to school, changing his class year would be probably irreversible and therefore a Really Big Deal.

 

But if you intend to homeschool all the way through, you can change your mind later if he suddenly speeds up, right? And he sounds happy about the prospect. So I would.

 

A family I know spread high school out a bit extra (to accommodate the student's performance schedule, etc.). They gave her diploma a semester "late"--thus maintaining her graduation year, just December instead of May--and had her wait until the following fall to start college. (Meanwhile, she took an AP test or two as well as continuing to take advantage of music opportunities.) If your DS later wants to graduate with his original class, you could probably do something like that as well, especially if you work in the summers.

[OneStepAtATime]

What are you using for remediation of the writing/spelling issues?  When you say he reads well, how well does he read out loud?  

 

And I think giving him an extra year is a great idea.  Why are we in such a rush to follow an arbitrarily created time table that is not based on the individual development of each child and was created by people who have never even met our children?  What do they gain by being rushed through when they aren't ready?  How does this help them OR society for that matter?

 

My kids are both dyslexic.  My oldest needs extra time.  We will see with my youngest.  But if he does, that is perfectly fine by me.  Better they get the extra time to really remediate the weak areas and gain valuable ground in the strong areas at a pace that gives them that chance than to push them to go at a pace that is detrimental to their overall learning and remediation of weak areas just so we can stay on pace with an arbitrarily created externally generated goal that we KNOW is inappropriate for our specific child.

 

Best wishes.

[Ellie]

I feel strongly about this.

 

I do NOT believe in holding a child back on paper. It is just something people use to group together children of approximately the same age, and it has no real value in determining what a child should learn, especially not for homeschoolers. So why even think about it? Teach him what he is capable of learning, regardless of the grade level. Graduate him when he's 18. That is all.

 

I don't understand why you feel pressure to accomplish certain things because of his "grade level." You're homeschooling. You can do what he needs. You want him to improve, yes? And you want him to improve for his own sake, not because of his "grade level," surely. 

[AimeeM]

We did it with my oldest, and I do not regret it a bit. A wise principal, at a Catholic school we were shadowing, once told me that she'd never met a parent who regretted holding a struggling child back a year (after all, it only adds a year of academics), but she knew plenty who regretted NOT holding back a struggling child... and it is always best to make that decision BEFORE high school - before all of those grades actually do sincerely count towards admissions, etc.

 

My oldest is very young for her "given" grade, with a mid-August birthday (cut-off is end of August). She is always the very youngest in her grade/class when she's been in brick and mortar school. She reads well, like yours, but lacks stamina, and I suspect mostly sight reads; her spelling is terrible, and her writing lacks SERIOUS stamina - as in, I can barely get a paragraph from her without tears. She understands math concepts well, and very quickly, but has working memory issues (she didn't memorize her facts until last year - she's 13 now) and given her utter hatred for writing, getting her to show her work in math is a (very slow) work in progress - she much prefers to just write down the answer, and then argue about why she shouldn't have to show her work, because she got the answer right, OR she writes it down in such a way that it makes sense to her, but noone else... and she very sincerely wants to attend brick and mortar high school, and right now there is no way she's ready for that.

 

At the end of the day, an extra year of school never killed anybody.

 

Perk regarding sports - because of my DD's late birthday, and the fact that sports have a different cut off here than the schools do (sports end of July age cut-off; schools end of August cut-off), she prefers being held back in academics/grade, because she plays sports, then, with students *in* her grade.

[PollyOR]

We don't do grades here.  When asked, I tell people my daughter is the same age as a child in 7th grade.  We work at dd's level.  Example, dd is going through R&S English 6.  The number on the outside of the book doesn't matter.    A grade number is just a label.

 

DD was a late bloomer, so I might suggest we work together an extra year. That is something I won't know until she is closer to 18.

 

 

 

 

 

[5LittleMonkeys]

I agree with Aimee - I can't imagine running into anyone that would say, "That extra year of education was really detrimental to my future!".  

 

I gave my dd15 and extra year of middle school and don't regret it in the least...nor does she.  Once she started 6th grade it took 4 years for her to reach 9th grade.  The only reason that we talked about grade level at all is because our cover school requires a grade level designation each year.  So, yes, on paper she repeated 6th grade.  If I'd not had her designated as a 6th grader for two years then our cover school would have expected to see highschool credits being earned and completed in 9th grade and I KNEW she was not going to be ready to do that level of work by then.  She is in 9th grade this year and it is hard for her to do the level of work required to earn a highschool credit....there is no way she could have done it last year.  

 

IF she happens to all of a sudden stop being dyscalculiac, ADD, and have processing issues during highschool and makes a HUGE leap in academic ability then we can talk about having her work over a couple summers so that she can graduate when she's 18 instead of 19, but honestly, I don't think it's an issue for her. She doesn't care how old she is when she graduates and it really shouldn't matter to anyone other than her. 

 

Just because a child turns 18 doesn't mean they are ready to graduate from highschool...graduating isn't about how old you are it's about having enough maturity, skill and knowledge to move onto whatever you feel should come next for you.   

 

 

[maize]

My oldest spent two years in third grade. Of course we kept moving forward academically, but it took the pressure off of me to feel that she needed to "keep up" with the higher grade level; there were much more important things we needed to focus on at that time. I adjusted her younger brother's grade down a level at the same time (he wasn't even aware of it).

 

I figure if one of my kids gets to high school and is motivated to graduate sooner than the schedule they are on, they can do the extra work and graduate early.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I'm suspecting that many of you aren't taking into account those of us who live in states where we are required to report a grade level designation each school year either to the LEA or to an umbrella\cover school.  There is also an issue of mandatory testing for certain grade levels.  So, if your state or cover school requires testing in 9th grade and your student isn't actually doing 9th grade level work you are going to end up having issues.  

[FO4UR]

For some reason, I cannot multi-quote on this computer so be patient with me trying to answer everyone.

 

 

The main reason I'm considering this now is b/c we are quite entrenched in the church and community here, and they all divide the kids by grade.  Right now he's in the 5th/6th grade grouping.  Most of his friends are 5th.  So, if we kept him with his age mates, he'd leave his friends in the fall.  Actually...red-shirting is common here, so many of his age-mates were held back in K, to be technical about it.  If we had him "redo" 6th grade, he'd stay with his friends in sports & other classes. 

 

 

Otherwise, I agree with keeping the child the grade that matches his age but working at his level.  If sports & church weren't graded, it wouldn't matter.

 

 

Zoo Keeper makes a great point, I really relate.  *My* expectations at the kitchen table are greatly effected by what grade I call him. 

 

 

As far as math, he does understand it.  That's what makes it so hard.  The concepts click intuitively, but he lacks the ability/maturity/Executive Function to communicate what he knows on paper. If I ask him how he did something, he always had correct logic/problem solving.  His mistakes are in lining up work neatly, working a computation and then forgetting what it was for, reversing 6's and reading them later as 2's, etc.  He has always worked math at 2 different levels...one level in mental math/conceptual understanding, and another level just trying to help him learn to put math to paper.  He's completely asynchronous.  It would be easier, much easier, if he didn't understand the math and that was the problem.  I can teach math...it's the organization/paper communication that is painfully hard.  I think (I HOPE) that this gets progressively better as he matures (and as I intentionally work on it).

 

He's using Mommy-made materials for remediation in spelling.  We do CM style LA skills otherwise, 8's TC is on my shelf and I refer to that often.  My materials are a unique mix of O-G and Sound Foundations Synthetic Phonics.  He completed Apples & Pears Book A (2x), but I don't think Book B would be a good fit right now.  I'm working "sideways" with him so those basics of basics are rock solid.  He does a lot of dictation.  Our lessons always center around preparing him for the next dictation, which contain the most common words in English repetitively. It *is* working.  Its just taking a looonnngggggg time.  (He did SWR K-2nd, and still remembers phonograms and rules, and we do apply those to lessons.)

 

 

PS is not completely off the table. It's not my #1 choice, but it's not off of the table.  Lots of life circumstances can happen, and have happened here, and so I just keep "How would my kids do in PS?" in the back of my mind. 

 

AimeeM - that really resonates.  We know quite a few boys here who were either red-shirted from the start or repeated Kindy.  So..no, that extra year of school won't hurt.

 

 

Plus, if we DO end up HSing for high school, he can still graduate at 18yo if he works hard (through summers) and earns the credits. I won't cry if he wants to stay home until he's 19yo though.

 

 

 

[Reefgazer]

We held DS back a year, but that was in a B+M school and doesn't really apply to homeschool.  But FWIW it was the absolute best decision ever, for a whole bunch of reasons.  In your case with your homeschooled son, I would take as much time as you need before moving him to high school - a extra year, and extra half year, whatever.  No need to rush into high school until you are ready for high school level work.

[marbel]

For some reason, I cannot multi-quote on this computer so be patient with me trying to answer everyone.

 

 

The main reason I'm considering this now is b/c we are quite entrenched in the church and community here, and they all divide the kids by grade.  Right now he's in the 5th/6th grade grouping.  Most of his friends are 5th.  So, if we kept him with his age mates, he'd leave his friends in the fall.  Actually...red-shirting is common here, so many of his age-mates were held back in K, to be technical about it.  If we had him "redo" 6th grade, he'd stay with his friends in sports & other classes. 

 

<snip>

 

This is important. 

 

I don't really care much about grade level either, but my kids have activities that are grouped by grade - not just "middle school" or "high school" but 9th, 10th, etc.  Some activities, such as Scouts, aren't segregated by grade but kids talk about school and such, and they talk in terms of grade.  So my kids have always self-identified with the grade they would be in if they had gone to school in kindy.

 

That was all fine till my son started getting sick a lot, was diagnosed with some LDs, and wasn't able to do a lot of high school level work when he was in 9th and 10th grades.  We could see that he simply wasn't going to have enough credits of high school work to graduate "on time." The year he identified as 10th grade we decided he would "repeat" that grade.  He didn't actually repeat anything.  He just continued to move along at his pace but when necessary he said he was in 10th grade - two years in a row.  He didn't want to call himself a junior in high school if he was not likely to graduate in two years - he didn't want to get into conversations about college visits and other things he was not going to be doing yet.

 

He did have some uncomfortable moments now and then.  Soon enough most people forgot that he had "repeated" though a few people would continue to ask him about it for a while.  He had the "advantage" of using his sickness as a reason/excuse but it was still a little difficult at times. 

 

This year he would be a senior, by his age.  We are comfortable that he is a junior, or thereabouts.  If he has a sudden burst of ability, he might graduate earlier.  Most likely he will be just a few weeks/days from his 19th birthday when he graduates.

 

(By a happy circumstance we did not have to mess with grade levels for school district or state reporting.  I was able to "register" him as a homeschooler as a first grader at age 7.  This was a legally and socially acceptable thing to do in the state we lived in. So he has always done standardized testing at a lower grade than the grade he identified socially with.  I didn't know then that he would need that extra year, but I'm glad we had it.) 

 

So, if you think he will need extra time, I'd give it to him sooner rather than later.  He can always speed up. But it may be a little harder to slow down when he is older.

[AimeeM]

I'm suspecting that many of you aren't taking into account those of us who live in states where we are required to report a grade level designation each school year either to the LEA or to an umbrella\cover school.  There is also an issue of mandatory testing for certain grade levels.  So, if your state or cover school requires testing in 9th grade and your student isn't actually doing 9th grade level work you are going to end up having issues.  

Yes. While we aren't required to test, and we actually very little oversight, one thing we ARE required to do is report a grade for each child.

[FO4UR]

 

He did have some uncomfortable moments now and then.  Soon enough most people forgot that he had "repeated" though a few people would continue to ask him about it for a while.  He had the "advantage" of using his sickness as a reason/excuse but it was still a little difficult at times. 

 

 

 

I'm concerned about this, the awkward moments where he explains that he's in 6th grade again.

 

He's pretty open about having dyslexia, but I bet he'd reply that he wanted to be held back to be on the same basketball team again. Saves face for him.  Makes me look awesome.  (...and by awesome, I mean a flake!)  :lol:

[FO4UR]

Yes. While we aren't required to test, and we actually very little oversight, one thing we ARE required to do is report a grade for each child.

 

I'm not required to report a grade or test. That said, if we were ever investigated for educational neglect or something crazy, it'd be bad to be a year off.  My dh has a job that does make us more vulnerable to a crazy nut reporting us without real cause. 

[Farrar]

I agree with Aimee - I can't imagine running into anyone that would say, "That extra year of education was really detrimental to my future!".  

 

Well, I can. I have known teenagers who were ready to be out of the house, I guess. ;) And, more importantly, I can very, very easily imagine someone feeling dejected and anxious about having been "held back."

 

There are so, so many opportunities to take a pause later on if you need to. A special "get ready for college" gap year. A pre-public school gap year if you decide to send him to school for some reason. Or a school based re-adjustment in grade level if it comes to going to school. I just can't see any reason to move a homeschooled child's grade back on paper.

[ondreeuh]

I had my son repeat 4th. Really, he should have started k a year later, but he was in PS and they assured me he would do fine. He has severe dyslexia and ADHD and both of those severely impacted his ability to learn and perform. To those who say that grades don't matter because you just teach the child where ever he's at ... Either you don't have delayed kids or you are a lot better at accepting delays than I am. Really, since the grade adjustment it has been so much easier for me to adjust my expectations to what he is able to do rather than feeling irresponsible for him being behind. This especially was an issue when I would talk to other people about what he was doing or have to report grades or so standardized testing. Before the grade repeat, I felt so much pressure to get him caught up and adapt grade-level work to his abilities, when really it was still too much. Now in 7th grade he is doing 7th grade work (with accommodations, but it is do-able) and I feel like he is placed perfectly.

 

Now I have another kid who works above grade level and I don't feel any desire to bump him up. It's just a whole different thing when the kid is clearly exceeding grade level expectations because all of the higher level work is just a nice surprise, not a new expectation.

[5LittleMonkeys]

 I just can't see any reason to move a homeschooled child's grade back on paper.

 

Did you read my other post about mandatory grade level reporting and mandatory testing? 

 

If I were registered with my local LEA I would be required to have my child tested in 3rd, 5th, 7th, and then in each grade of highschool.  The tests are based on the standard for those grade levels. If my child is reported as being in 3rd grade but can't perform on a 3rd grade test then I'm going to end up having to make my child jump through hoops to get up to that level within the short period of time they'll give us before the test has to be re-taken. Then of coarse I'll have to worry about being on grade level again in 5th and then in 7th and so on.  

 

If I'm registered with a cover school that requires I report what grade level my child is at each year but my child is not academically ready to graduate when they're in 12th grade then I'll have to, on paper, show that they are having to repeat 12th grade anyway.  I'd prefer that my child's highschool transcript not show that they took 2 years to complete 12th grade. 

 

What am I missing?  Why the aversion to showing on paper that a child is repeating a grade level? I only have my own personal experience, which as of now, has not presented any issues at all and I'm finding it difficult to think of any issues it will present in the future.  I also have the irl shared experiences of several families that also held a child back on paper.  They have gone on to a state university and a community college with no issues.  Can anyone give evidence to a situation where having a child repeat a grade level on paper caused issues later on in their educational career?  I'm truly trying to understand why, especially in the homeschooling community where doing what's best for the child regardless of how it looks to other people is so important, that there are some seem to take issue with what grade level designation a child has on a piece of paper tucked away in some filing cabinet or computer file.  

[marbel]

I'm concerned about this, the awkward moments where he explains that he's in 6th grade again.

 

He's pretty open about having dyslexia, but I bet he'd reply that he wanted to be held back to be on the same basketball team again. Saves face for him.  Makes me look awesome.  (...and by awesome, I mean a flake!)  :lol:

 

I was thinking that it might be less awkward in 6th grade than in 11th.   Unless every single activity he is in has a grade level attached, he doesn't even have to tell everyone.  Though I guess if it's a 6th grade basketball team the whole team will know.  (I have never heard of teams that are based on grade level!  That would add a layer of difficulty to it.)

 

If you are worried about how it will look to people (and I see you are laughing so maybe I am taking this more seriously than I ought to), it doesn't matter what his friends think of you.   We told adults in our kid's life what was going on - for ex., youth group leaders who knew he had identified as 10th grade one year, knew why he was in 10th grade again.   I don't really care what kids or teens think of me and my parenting. :001_smile:

 

There is one girl who did enjoy "innocently" asking him about it for a long while.  "Weren't you in 10th grade last year?"   But she comes from a homeschooling family who is loudly proud of their rigor and their highly advanced children.  He saw her only occasionally and gave her comments they consideration they deserved.  But mostly, it wasn't a big deal.  The people who were his friends, were still his friends.

 

You are going to get a variety of opinions on this. I don't disagree with the people who say you can wait till the end, have a gap year, etc.  I think that is a good choice too. But my kid is not your kid!  I can say that I am so glad I gave my kid that extra year up front.  He knows a lot of seniors this year and they are all talking about college plans.  He's so glad he doesn't have that pressure right now.  

 

[FO4UR]

Well, I can. I have known teenagers who were ready to be out of the house, I guess. ;) And, more importantly, I can very, very easily imagine someone feeling dejected and anxious about having been "held back."

 

There are so, so many opportunities to take a pause later on if you need to. A special "get ready for college" gap year. A pre-public school gap year if you decide to send him to school for some reason. Or a school based re-adjustment in grade level if it comes to going to school. I just can't see any reason to move a homeschooled child's grade back on paper.

 

 

The bolded concerns me, I admit.  I don't worry as much about a negative stigma at this point b/c he has told me he'd like to be held back to stay with his friends. But, the thought of an 18yo who could legally leave...without their HS diploma...is frightening.  (I read the chat board LOL.)

 

I am weighing that against the pushing required to stay on grade level.  Why the pushing?  b/c he wants to be an engineer. He's going to be competing for college admission/scholarships with non-dyslexics. I want to help him earn an awesome high school transcript.  But, pushing him in spelling and "how to keep your notebook" is painful, if not counter-productive...and those skills are prerequisites to everything.  (I read Nan in Mass too. LOL)

[Lolly]

I am usually for holding a kid back if the parents think it is a good idea. If the parents feel maturity is an issue. If the kid relates more to the kids in the younger grade. If the kid is close to the cut-off. If the kid was preemie (yeah, it does still make a difference). But...not because a kid has a learning disability. Why? The learning disability is not going to go away. That extra year can give the parent a year of breathing space, but it is most likely going to catch back up and you will just end up in the same place quickly. You say he doesn't spell well and you want to get him caught up before high school. What if he doesn't get caught up? Many dyslexic kids are NEVER going to spell well. Honestly, if they aren't spelling well by middle/high school, it is time to start working on coping skills instead. Finding ways to work around the lack of that skill. Reading speed is most likely always going to be slow. It will probably always be a difficult thing for him. He is going to need extra time when reading. The hard fact is that he is simply going to have to put more time into school, always, in order to finish assignments. This means that in college, he is going to need to take low class loads. That means he can count on college taking some extra time. If you hold him back now, that means starting college older, that means he will be graduating from college even older.

 

I held my twins back a year from the beginning because if they had waited to be born, there would be no question that they would have been a grade lower. It also made them the same age as their older sister had been in grades when they hit them. Mentally, that was good for me. My dd with dyslexia, I now regret it for her. For the other twin, I'd do it again. But, it is going to take at least 5, maybe 6, years for this one to complete a 4 year degree. If she would take summer classes, it would help, but she wants to work full time in summer. She also seems to need that mental break. Btw, she still struggles with spelling and reading. She can work straight math problems with no problem, but when you put words in with them...She had to take remedial math because the ACT and Compass both rely heavily on word problems. She sailed through the remedial class because it was straight math. Now, she is struggling through Prob and Stats because she can't figure out what the problems are askin. Too. Many. Words. I hate to be discouraging. I just feel like your post sounded like you expect him to grow or be able to work out of many of his problems. In my home, that never happened. The struggle is always there.

[8filltheheart]

The bolded concerns me, I admit.  I don't worry as much about a negative stigma at this point b/c he has told me he'd like to be held back to stay with his friends. But, the thought of an 18yo who could legally leave...without their HS diploma...is frightening.  (I read the chat board LOL.)

 

I am weighing that against the pushing required to stay on grade level.  Why the pushing?  b/c he wants to be an engineer. He's going to be competing for college admission/scholarships with non-dyslexics. I want to help him earn an awesome high school transcript.  But, pushing him in spelling and "how to keep your notebook" is painful, if not counter-productive...and those skills are prerequisites to everything.  (I read Nan in Mass too. LOL)

 

Honestly,  I would ignore everyone's opinions and talk to your ds about the realistic outcomes of both options with a full list of pros and cons that affect HIM.  I would not let him base his opinion on friends and I would not base an opinion strangers.  

 

You could call next yr E1.  (experimental yr 1 ;) )   B/c you are homeschooling, you aren't locked into a single option.  You could change course later on.  

 

FWIW, my dyslexics graduated with horrible spelling skills.  They did spelling all the way through high school.   They would never have graduated if it were based on the ability to spell.  However, they were functioning far above avg otherwise.

[MomintheMountains]

I don't understand why you feel pressure to accomplish certain things because of his "grade level." You're homeschooling. You can do what he needs. You want him to improve, yes? And you want him to improve for his own sake, not because of his "grade level," surely.

Well, I would love to have the experience of customizing my children's homeschool experience and materials. It is my romantic ideal of homeschooling and maybe even the best way of homeschooling. But some of us have constraints on what we can do. I work and it is really a miracle that I am able to homeschool (like Jesus multiplying the bread and fish, but for me the miraculous multiplication is that of my time). I use a couple of curriculum providers with my kids and "grade level" is pretty clear cut. I have a fourth grader who is "behind" in his work with the curriculum provider I use. He is obviously and comfortably working at a third grade level. I think he is going to need the extra year before he will be ready for the high school program I intend to use for him. Depending on your circumstances, grade level is not merely some arbitrary label.

[AimeeM]

Well, I can. I have known teenagers who were ready to be out of the house, I guess. ;) And, more importantly, I can very, very easily imagine someone feeling dejected and anxious about having been "held back."

 

There are so, so many opportunities to take a pause later on if you need to. A special "get ready for college" gap year. A pre-public school gap year if you decide to send him to school for some reason. Or a school based re-adjustment in grade level if it comes to going to school. I just can't see any reason to move a homeschooled child's grade back on paper.

Our teen plans on living here while attending college :) 

And she doesn't feel the least bit dejected about staying back a year - she rather enjoys that she is in the same grade now as her sports peers (because previously she was in a grade higher than her team mates, because of a difference in cut off dates). 

[kiana]

The bolded concerns me, I admit.  I don't worry as much about a negative stigma at this point b/c he has told me he'd like to be held back to stay with his friends. But, the thought of an 18yo who could legally leave...without their HS diploma...is frightening.  (I read the chat board LOL.)

 

I am weighing that against the pushing required to stay on grade level.  Why the pushing?  b/c he wants to be an engineer. He's going to be competing for college admission/scholarships with non-dyslexics. I want to help him earn an awesome high school transcript.  But, pushing him in spelling and "how to keep your notebook" is painful, if not counter-productive...and those skills are prerequisites to everything.  (I read Nan in Mass too. LOL)

 

If he *wants* to be held back I'd go ahead and do it. But ... just in case ... I would keep very good records of his (new) 8th grade year, and try and have him do courses that *could* be high school -- e.g. algebra, physical science, world geography. That way if he changes his mind, you can come up with a legitimate high school transcript and graduate him anyway at 18.

[Soror]

If he *wants* to be held back I'd go ahead and do it. But ... just in case ... I would keep very good records of his (new) 8th grade year, and try and have him do courses that *could* be high school -- e.g. algebra, physical science, world geography. That way if he changes his mind, you can come up with a legitimate high school transcript and graduate him anyway at 18.

My son is like the OP's, seems to be geared towards science/engineering but has some struggles. His birthday is the day before the local cut-off, if he was in PS it would be no question I'd "hold him back", at home it is a little trickier. He performs fairly solidly on the upper grade but of course I could see it would be an advantage to have him in the lower one, for the extra time to mature and hopefully learn to compensate/remediate for the skills he struggles with if nothing else. However, I don't know the future and if he will be rearing to be gone or enjoying the extra year. My thought is to keep the possibility of the younger graduation date open, surely the best option will become more clear before that point though!

[Elisabet1]

I don't think I would so much as hold him back as I would give him an extra year of high school. Calling him a lower grade level will harm his self esteem more than it will help his academics.

[marbel]

I don't think I would so much as hold him back as I would give him an extra year of high school. Calling him a lower grade level will harm his self esteem more than it will help his academics.

 

I'm curious about this.  I don't get how it's different.  Isn't it basically holding the kid back in 12th grade?   When everyone else he hangs out with is getting ready for graduation, college, jobs?   

 

Believe me, I do think some kids need more time - I have one of those.  But, unless I misread, the OP's kid is in a lot of grade-leveled activities.  If he goes along till 12th grade, and then suddenly doesn't graduate with his peers - seems like that would be damaging to self-esteem, wouldn't it? 

 

I'm not trying to argue or say this is wrong.  I simply don't understand how it's different.  

 

 

[FO4UR]

You are all giving me some good points to think about.  Lolly, I never thought about needing an extra year for *college.*  I guess my work is done at high school graduation so I didn't even think about after that.

 

Yes, we are looking at LD, not late-blooming.  This will not magically go away, ever. I've got to think through intentionally teaching him to cope. One thing I do right now is gorge his brain on read alouds and documentaries and audiobooks.  If he needed to take a literature or history class, for example, he will probably already know the book well b/c we read so widely at home.  If not, he's accustomed to listening intently on audiobooks.  His focus can shift then to getting.it.on.paper.

 

 

Honestly,  I would ignore everyone's opinions and talk to your ds about the realistic outcomes of both options with a full list of pros and cons that affect HIM.  I would not let him base his opinion on friends and I would not base an opinion strangers.  

 

You could call next yr E1.  (experimental yr 1 ;) )   B/c you are homeschooling, you aren't locked into a single option.  You could change course later on.  

 

FWIW, my dyslexics graduated with horrible spelling skills.  They did spelling all the way through high school.   They would never have graduated if it were based on the ability to spell.  However, they were functioning far above avg otherwise.

 

I like the idea of the year E1.  And THANK YOU for sharing that you've graduated horrible spellers.  If you can do it, so can I. :coolgleamA: 

 

I will certainly have a few conversations with him throughout the spring about his different options.  It won't come into play until the fall when the PS kids promote to the next grade.  And, I will keep records in that 8th/9th grade year as if he needs the high school credits, and then keep options open for a 18yo graduation.  We live in a nice area for dual enrollment opportunities, so I can maybe let him slowly acclimate to one outside class, then two, then three, then full college schedule.

 

 

So...I think I will call him 6th grade again in the fall.  Then keep high school records for his *new* 8th grade year in case he wants to graduate at the original time.

[Mom22ns]

So, I've been in your situation and I didn't hold ds back. From a btdt perspective, I'll tell you what I did and what I wish I'd done.

 

What I did do was hold him back at church. We talked to the children's and youth ministers and they let him stay in the 5th-6th grade class another year with his friends and he stayed with that group until high school, he chose to promote to the 11th-12th grade class in 11th. Ds didn't play any sports, so church was the only place the grade level thing was a problem.

 

Academically, ds was on target with no weaknesses and as you can see in my sig, he still is. However, his EF skills were and are still lacking and I wish we had another year. Now he will go off to college next year and we are still fighting to get him prepared on many EF levels such as organization. 

 

So, while I know it isn't popular among homeschoolers, and I know those who don't have kids with special need particularly kids that are academically on track but who struggle with EF, really don't get this, I think what you are considering will only benefit your son. Don't let those who have not had a kid like yours dissuade you.

 

There is a chance he will be ready to fly when he is 18 and I would do a few things to prepare for that possibility. First, I would keep records on 8th grade as if it were his freshman year, in case you decide to count it that way later. Next, I would look into online and dual enrollment classes so that you are prepared to offer him the opportunity to move forward and gain a lot of independence without actually graduating. 

 

There will always be people who think kids are done with high school at 18. There is no reason that has to be the case. If your child need more time to mature, isn't the point of homeschooling to give them what they need, not force them out on someone else's time table? Being well prepared for college is a huge advantage over just barely being able to get in. Your list of pros is long and your list of cons is short. A mother's heart is not wrong. Follow it.

[FO4UR]

I don't think I would so much as hold him back as I would give him an extra year of high school. Calling him a lower grade level will harm his self esteem more than it will help his academics.

 

For so many reasons, I think if we are going to hold him back a year, now is the time.  The jump from Elementary to Jr. High is big here.  He's happy about the idea right now. 

 

 

His self-esteem is hit when he compares his academic skills to his friends.  Thankfully, he's really proud about his reading. They do a lot of reading aloud in church classes and he does very well, even helping others pronounce Biblical names and such. (Years of reading aloud pays off!)  His writing & spelling embarrass him.  I don't mention it except to praise his hard work, but he knows.  If he stays in that 5th/6th grade group, he will fair better in *HIS* comparisons.

 

 

I'm thinking it might be better to keep that 8th/9th grade year fluid, 8th grade for social purposes but keeping HS quality records.  I'm thinking the stigma would be worse in high school. Better to shoot for 4 years, allowing the idea of 3....rather than struggling for 4 years and HAVING to add a 5th. 

[maize]

I like your plan, and it is very similar to the track I am on with some of my own kids--keep them officially in the lower grade level but also keep an eye on where they need to be if they want to graduate younger.

[Soror]

So, while I know it isn't popular among homeschoolers, and I know those who don't have kids with special need particularly kids that are academically on track but who struggle with EF, really don't get this, I think what you are considering will only benefit your son. Don't let those who have not had a kid like yours dissuade you.

 

 

 

YES!!!!  That is the main issue here, the EF skills, and although ds should qualify for accommodations to help with some aspects there are others that he will not. It is just not so cut and dry as others make it out to be, you don't want to hold them back but you sure don't want to push them ahead and when they are asynchronous the right level is not easy to ascertain.

[8filltheheart]

I know those who don't have kids with special need particularly kids that are academically on track but who struggle with EF, really don't get this,..... Don't let those who have not had a kid like yours dissuade you.

 

 

 

 It is just not so cut and dry as others make it out to be.

 

You both articulated my thoughts more clearly than I did.   I agree 10000%.

[MeAndTheBoys]

This has been a very helpful thread for me--thanks for starting it! and all the thoughtful replies!  I have one in 5th grade with a summer bday; most boys his age locally are in 4th grade.  But he's tall and quiet and has tended to be friends with his older brother's friends (one grade older) and has never clicked with the boys his own age--the ones we've been around in homeschool groups are kind of silly and active, plus they mess with my son a lot because he's like a big "gentle giant" and that annoys him.

 

But I really am struggling with what our next 8 years will look like--  he can do 5th grade work, and do well-but it takes a long time, he has terrible handwriting, he forget a lot.  But he does okay in the end; it just is hard--he's been tested for dyslexia by Scottish Rites, and they said no, but I still think there are some related issues.

 

I appreciate the thoughts in here like:  Why hold him back now as if holding him back would make the challenges go away?  Good point.  He's okay with his workload now, even though it takes a while and we go back and correct a lot.  Calling him a lower grade and easing his work load now when we really don't NEED to probably means we'll hit a wall later and have no cushion.

 

but on the other hand, You can always have an extra year of high school if you find you need it then.  Helpful.  I want to plan out his next 8 years now as if I need to, but really, we just need to focus on our current goals and learning coping tactics for his weaknesses in math and spelling.

 

I'm kind of the opposite of the OP with activities--because of his size and his friends, I bump him UP for activities--he does things at church, co-op and any community classes with 6th-8th graders :) so that does throw a wrench in any "holding back" thoughts for right now.

 

Again--thanks for everyone who has posted; it has been helpful to me to see the different experiences--and hopefully for the OP too!

 

B

[kiwik]

Well, I can. I have known teenagers who were ready to be out of the house, I guess. ;) And, more importantly, I can very, very easily imagine someone feeling dejected and anxious about having been "held back."

 

There are so, so many opportunities to take a pause later on if you need to. A special "get ready for college" gap year. A pre-public school gap year if you decide to send him to school for some reason. Or a school based re-adjustment in grade level if it comes to going to school. I just can't see any reason to move a homeschooled child's grade back on paper.

I would say the older you are when you hit high school the more likely you are to quit before you finish. I can't imagine dealing with the irritation of high school at 19.

 

In this case though the child is OK with it and there are solid reasons. Are you able to skip him up again if things change?

[DragonFaerie]

OP, with the exception of the dyslexia, you could be talking about my DS.  He is in 6th grade, will turn 12 in February, and is struggling.  His problems seem to be largely with being able to stay focused and get the work done in a timely manner.  I don't know what Executive Function means, but I'm gathering this might be at least part of it.  He is great in math but can't spell worth a darn.  His handwriting is atrocious, although he can write neatly if he really tries, but then it is VERY slow going.  He understands the content, but he cannot translate that to any written output, be it writing a paper or just answering questions in writing about what he's read.  I've thought about "holding him back," and this thread has really been great.  It's making me feel better about things, no matter what I end up deciding to do. So thanks for starting this one. :-)

[OneStepAtATime]

I am usually for holding a kid back if the parents think it is a good idea. If the parents feel maturity is an issue. If the kid relates more to the kids in the younger grade. If the kid is close to the cut-off. If the kid was preemie (yeah, it does still make a difference). But...not because a kid has a learning disability. Why? The learning disability is not going to go away. That extra year can give the parent a year of breathing space, but it is most likely going to catch back up and you will just end up in the same place quickly. You say he doesn't spell well and you want to get him caught up before high school. What if he doesn't get caught up? Many dyslexic kids are NEVER going to spell well. Honestly, if they aren't spelling well by middle/high school, it is time to start working on coping skills instead. Finding ways to work around the lack of that skill. Reading speed is most likely always going to be slow. It will probably always be a difficult thing for him. He is going to need extra time when reading. The hard fact is that he is simply going to have to put more time into school, always, in order to finish assignments. This means that in college, he is going to need to take low class loads. That means he can count on college taking some extra time. If you hold him back now, that means starting college older, that means he will be graduating from college even older.

 

I held my twins back a year from the beginning because if they had waited to be born, there would be no question that they would have been a grade lower. It also made them the same age as their older sister had been in grades when they hit them. Mentally, that was good for me. My dd with dyslexia, I now regret it for her. For the other twin, I'd do it again. But, it is going to take at least 5, maybe 6, years for this one to complete a 4 year degree. If she would take summer classes, it would help, but she wants to work full time in summer. She also seems to need that mental break. Btw, she still struggles with spelling and reading. She can work straight math problems with no problem, but when you put words in with them...She had to take remedial math because the ACT and Compass both rely heavily on word problems. She sailed through the remedial class because it was straight math. Now, she is struggling through Prob and Stats because she can't figure out what the problems are askin. Too. Many. Words. I hate to be discouraging. I just feel like your post sounded like you expect him to grow or be able to work out of many of his problems. In my home, that never happened. The struggle is always there.

I get what you are saying, but I think there are definitely times when giving a child with a specific LD like dyslexia extra time can be of tremendous help.

 

No, LDs do not go away.  But there are many reasons that giving a child with LDs extra time does make sense, depending on the specific circumstances.  For one thing, scientific research is showing that the dyslexic brain matures, in many areas, more slowly.  Extra time doesn't make the issues go away but it may help with brain maturity.  Also, many dyslexics respond very well to proper remediation programs.  Giving them the extra time to move through those remediation programs at the speed that is best for that child can net tremendous positive results.  And frequently dyslexics need things broken down into much smaller segments with a LOT more review to master skills.  That takes time.  I would give them that time.

 

My DD, who is dyslexic, was struggling for years.  We had her repeat 4k in a brick and mortar because she obviously wasn't ready for kinder.  Had no idea why she was struggling.  Then, after many more years of struggling through school, we finally started homeschooling for 6th.  She was definitely behind her peers.  She was reading Clifford books in 6th grade.  She could NOT spell.  Her math skills were terrible.  I despaired of what her future would hold.

 

But after a lot of research, we started over.  I mean completely over.  We went back to the basic building blocks of reading/spelling/writing and math as well.  We used programs that were designed specifically for dyslexic/dyscalculic children.  And she is finally making progress.  Real progress.  She went from still only being able to decode Clifford books after 7 years of brick and mortar instruction and years of specialized tutoring to actually reading Divergent in 5 days after a year and a half of proper remediation.  And her spelling turned around 180 degrees.  

 

Every single one of those areas of struggle has improved dramatically.   Does she still have weak spots?  Yes.  And some of those may never go away completely, especially in math computation.  And because we started over so late in the game, she still needs more time to really "catch up".  I am more than willing to give her that extra time.  Not because I think the LDs will just miraculously go away but because I have seen marked improvement since we started proper remediation.  So has she.  She finally believes she actually CAN succeed in college.  That confidence didn't exist before.  Giving her that extra time to improve in all these areas makes so much more sense than rushing through based on some arbitrary time line that has no relation to my own child's specific circumstances.  

 

OP, if your mommy instincts are saying to wait, and your child is amenable to waiting, then do so.  Give him the extra time.  But be using the time wisely.  See what else can be done for remediation of the weak areas.  Don't give up on those.  Do the research.  Work on accommodations as needed (and do research on all the many wonderful tools out there for helpful accommodations, such as Dragon/Ginger/Inspiration/LiveScribe), but definitely still work on remediation, too.  Otherwise, as others have said, you may not be gaining much.

 

Best wishes.

[FO4UR]

I get what you are saying, but I think there are definitely times when giving a child with a specific LD like dyslexia extra time can be of tremendous help.

 

No, LDs do not go away.  But there are many reasons that giving a child with LDs extra time does make sense, depending on the specific circumstances.  For one thing, scientific research is showing that the dyslexic brain matures, in many areas, more slowly.  Extra time doesn't make the issues go away but it may help with brain maturity.  Also, many dyslexics respond very well to proper remediation programs.  Giving them the extra time to move through those remediation programs at the speed that is best for that child can net tremendous positive results.  And frequently dyslexics need things broken down into much smaller segments with a LOT more review to master skills.  That takes time.  I would give them that time.

 

My DD, who is dyslexic, was struggling for years.  We had her repeat 4k in a brick and mortar because she obviously wasn't ready for kinder.  Had no idea why she was struggling.  Then, after many more years of struggling through school, we finally started homeschooling for 6th.  She was definitely behind her peers.  She was reading Clifford books in 6th grade.  She could NOT spell.  Her math skills were terrible.  I despaired of what her future would hold.

 

But after a lot of research, we started over.  I mean completely over.  We went back to the basic building blocks of reading/spelling/writing and math as well.  We used programs that were designed specifically for dyslexic/dyscalculic children.  And she is finally making progress.  Real progress.  She went from still only being able to decode Clifford books after 7 years of brick and mortar instruction and years of specialized tutoring to actually reading Divergent in 5 days after a year and a half of proper remediation.  And her spelling turned around 180 degrees.  

 

Every single one of those areas of struggle has improved dramatically.   Does she still have weak spots?  Yes.  And some of those may never go away completely, especially in math computation.  And because we started over so late in the game, she still needs more time to really "catch up".  I am more than willing to give her that extra time.  Not because I think the LDs will just miraculously go away but because I have seen marked improvement since we started proper remediation.  So has she.  She finally believes she actually CAN succeed in college.  That confidence didn't exist before.  Giving her that extra time to improve in all these areas makes so much more sense than rushing through based on some arbitrary time line that has no relation to my own child's specific circumstances.  

 

OP, if your mommy instincts are saying to wait, and your child is amenable to waiting, then do so.  Give him the extra time.  But be using the time wisely.  See what else can be done for remediation of the weak areas.  Don't give up on those.  Do the research.  Work on accommodations as needed (and do research on all the many wonderful tools out there for helpful accommodations, such as Dragon/Ginger/Inspiration/LiveScribe), but definitely still work on remediation, too.  Otherwise, as others have said, you may not be gaining much.

 

Best wishes.

 

What did you do for remediation?

 

 

 

I am not giving up on complete remediation, but bracing for the need to cope.  I've studied reading/writing pedagogy for several years, as a hobby, out of necessity.  We have never had enough $ to hire tutors, etc..  I'm curious to know what worked so well for your dd.  It's wonderful to hear she has made such progress!

 

[LisaKinVA]

I reside in a state (and the DoD school is included in this), where I must declare a grade.  I took some strongly-worded advice from a homeschooler who insisted that my son be placed in Grade 1, because of his birthday -- despite the fact that the local PS would have placed him a year behind due to emotional/developmental issues unrelated to academic prowess (he was very bright, and met the academic goals -- but emotionally and physically he had did not meet the K standards).  I was assured he would be fine. However by 6th grade he was NOT.  He went from being a confident student to being certain he was stupid.  He was consistently asked to do things he was not mature enough to handle.  He wasn't ready.

 

Oh how I wish I had listened to my gut and listed him as K that first year instead of grade 1.  

 

He is now a freshman in high school.  He is older than most -- but not by a lot, and there are some in his grade that are a bit older, too.  He is still ahead a bit academically -- but he is not radically so.  He had the time he needed to mature.   If he accelerates faster and wishes to complete high school in 2017, we'll cross that bridge then. However, I am not seeing that kind of drive in him at present.  He seems to be quite happy with his current plan for graduation in 2018.

 

It is far easier to "skip" or accelerate a grade later on than to hold back later on.

[OneStepAtATime]

What did you do for remediation?

 

 

 

I am not giving up on complete remediation, but bracing for the need to cope.  I've studied reading/writing pedagogy for several years, as a hobby, out of necessity.  We have never had enough $ to hire tutors, etc..  I'm curious to know what worked so well for your dd.  It's wonderful to hear she has made such progress!

 

School tutors were useless.  Nice people but they didn't have any real training in dyslexia despite their degrees and experience.  We ran into the same issue you did with $ for private specialized tutors but broke the bank for a bit trying that route anyway.  Hundreds of dollars later we had NOTHING to show for it except two demoralized kids and a lot of debt.  And these were "dyslexia specialists" with all kinds of important looking titles tacked onto their names.  They had no clue how to genuinely help my kids.

 

So I gave up on any outside help and bought Barton Reading and Spelling.  There are other Orton-Gillingham based programs that are also really good.  I chose Barton because it has training DVDs and a really clearly laid out TM.  I needed the extra help.  I will admit when I saw what was in the box for Level 1 I thought we had been ripped off.  It seemed like so little and so basic.  Taking my kids back that far seemed ridiculous.  (Yes both kids are dyslexic).  But it was exactly what they needed to unlock everything.  

 

And even though the first two levels were really basic, what a difference they made!  And when we got to the much longer, in depth parts of the program light bulbs were going off everywhere.  The improvement in reading/writing/spelling was dramatic.  We still have a ways to go, but since we are only half-way through Level 4 of a 10 Level program (not equivalent to grade levels) and there has already been far more improvement than there ever was before, and Level 9 and 10 are actually more High School level, not basic remediation level at all, I have to believe that this can only get better.  Not perfect.  I don't think DD will be picking up War and Peace on a whim any time soon.  But certainly WAAAAAAY better than where we were before.

 

Same thing with math.  I started using activities from the Ronit Bird books plus a program called Dynamo Math.  I went slow, moved carefully, helped them break down math into tiny chunks then pull it back together into a big picture type thing.  There are certain areas of math they are still running into trouble with, and may always, but things are clicking now that never ever clicked before.  

 

Now that we have been on this path a bit I have finally come to embrace that sometimes going back to the very basic building blocks and starting over is the only way my kids can learn well.  Just pressing forward was creating a ton of gaps because the very foundation wasn't there.  The things that should have been intuitive, should have just BEEN there, and usually are for NT kids, just weren't there.  The kids had to be explicitly taught, in tiny tiny pieces while still giving the kids the big picture, since they are big picture thinkers.  

 

But, yes, we will also be using some accommodations.   DD14 will be working with Dragon Naturally Speaking/Ginger/Inspiration software for her writing output while we continue remediation.  Her intellectual capacity is still ahead of her level of remediation.  So is DS's.  So while we continue, I do provide accommodations.  Some of those accommodations will hopefully not be needed after a point.  But I know that some things may always be needed.  I accept that and am working from both ends to put them in a better, more independent place.

 

I can't recall off the top of my head but have you ever hopped on the LC board?  You might get some helpful suggestions over there...

 

Good luck and best wishes, OP!

[RootAnn]

:grouphug:

 

My older two girls are both a grade behind where I have them *on paper* (because we have to declare a grade to the state). If they need the extra year, they'll have it. If they don't, I can just grade skip them on paper for the state's paperwork. I've got it in my back pocket. Right now, dd#2 is definitely closer to performing at the lower grade level than the one I have her at. Pushing her is like pushing a string, so I don't plan to. We just move forward, one day at a time, doing the next thing. She'll probably be doing spelling well into high school and math might always be a chore for her, but she'll also get the time she wants to put into her book writing and art. That's her joy.

 

I'm glad you are willing to listen to what your son wants & needs. That's so important!

[PollyOR]

I've enjoyed reading this discussion.  Some good points have been made.

 

Earlier I stated that we try not to focus on what grade 12yo is in. If people really want to know, we say 7th.   I forgot that the local educational service district did ask for a grade level.  I purposely waited until she was seven to register her as a first grader to give her extra wiggle room. I guess I did technically hold her back a year. On paper and for testing purposes she is in 6th grade.  To keep her from feeling different than her peers, we tell people that she is in 7th.  On an everyday basis, we use whatever curriculum she needs.

[FO4UR]

School tutors were useless.  Nice people but they didn't have any real training in dyslexia despite their degrees and experience.  We ran into the same issue you did with $ for private specialized tutors but broke the bank for a bit trying that route anyway.  Hundreds of dollars later we had NOTHING to show for it except two demoralized kids and a lot of debt.  And these were "dyslexia specialists" with all kinds of important looking titles tacked onto their names.  They had no clue how to genuinely help my kids.

 

So I gave up on any outside help and bought Barton Reading and Spelling.  There are other Orton-Gillingham based programs that are also really good.  I chose Barton because it has training DVDs and a really clearly laid out TM.  I needed the extra help.  I will admit when I saw what was in the box for Level 1 I thought we had been ripped off.  It seemed like so little and so basic.  Taking my kids back that far seemed ridiculous.  (Yes both kids are dyslexic).  But it was exactly what they needed to unlock everything.  

 

And even though the first two levels were really basic, what a difference they made!  And when we got to the much longer, in depth parts of the program light bulbs were going off everywhere.  The improvement in reading/writing/spelling was dramatic.  We still have a ways to go, but since we are only half-way through Level 4 of a 10 Level program (not equivalent to grade levels) and there has already been far more improvement than there ever was before, and Level 9 and 10 are actually more High School level, not basic remediation level at all, I have to believe that this can only get better.  Not perfect.  I don't think DD will be picking up War and Peace on a whim any time soon.  But certainly WAAAAAAY better than where we were before.

 

Same thing with math.  I started using activities from the Ronit Bird books plus a program called Dynamo Math.  I went slow, moved carefully, helped them break down math into tiny chunks then pull it back together into a big picture type thing.  There are certain areas of math they are still running into trouble with, and may always, but things are clicking now that never ever clicked before.  

 

Now that we have been on this path a bit I have finally come to embrace that sometimes going back to the very basic building blocks and starting over is the only way my kids can learn well.  Just pressing forward was creating a ton of gaps because the very foundation wasn't there.  The things that should have been intuitive, should have just BEEN there, and usually are for NT kids, just weren't there.  The kids had to be explicitly taught, in tiny tiny pieces while still giving the kids the big picture, since they are big picture thinkers.  

 

But, yes, we will also be using some accommodations.   DD14 will be working with Dragon Naturally Speaking/Ginger/Inspiration software for her writing output while we continue remediation.  Her intellectual capacity is still ahead of her level of remediation.  So is DS's.  So while we continue, I do provide accommodations.  Some of those accommodations will hopefully not be needed after a point.  But I know that some things may always be needed.  I accept that and am working from both ends to put them in a better, more independent place.

 

I can't recall off the top of my head but have you ever hopped on the LC board?  You might get some helpful suggestions over there...

 

Good luck and best wishes, OP!

 

Thanks for typing this out.  Seeing what you do/have done gives perspective.  I need to start some accommodations for independence NOW, in addition to remediation.

 

I lurk on the LC board occasionally, but rarely post. 

[boscopup]

I may need to deal with this later on also. My 8 year old is an older 2nd grader (November birthday), and reading and writing have taken him longer, plus EF skills are an issue. He's ahead in math, but everything else is really functioning a grade level behind. He is a late bloomer. I'm waiting to make any kind of long term decision, since he's currently too young to tell how he'll be in middle school or high school. But I'm guessing, based on his overall developmental experience, that an extra year would be good for him. My main issue is that he's already old for his grade AND tall for his age (he's almost the same size as his older brother who is 2.5 years older). So at this point in time, he'd look really silly in a class full of first graders at church. :p In middle school, that may not matter as much, as other kids start growing more. Most activities are done by age here. That bit him last year when he did hockey. He had to play as a Mite, when really Termite would have been more developmentally appropriate. His attention span wasn't there, and we had to switch sports for him (while his brothers continue in hockey). He's now doing karate, and the 6 year olds function better than he does. He's now old enough to earn an orange belt, but he isn't in any way ready for it. As it is, he got the lowest striped white belt, which 4 year olds can earn. EF skills get in the way, and it just takes him another year usually to develop certain skills.

 

My oldest is behind in writing, but I think by time he hits high school, he'll have caught up there and be fine, so I'm not worrying about adjusting his grade (and I could legitimately do so with him since he was a preemie and would have been a grade lower if he'd gone full term). My younger is youngish for his grade and precocious across the board. I'm not bumping him up a grade at this point, though if any of my kids are candidates for graduating a year early, it's him - Mr. Independent. I'm used to assigning my kids grade level by age and giving them work appropriate to their abilities. No problem there. And I'm completely fine with my second grader still working through a first grade reading and phonics program - it's working well for him, and he's gaining confidence. But in the long run, looking at his entire person, I could see an extra year being helpful to him. I don't think he'll be ready to go off to college at 18, turning 19 a few months in. That could change, but right now, I'm keeping my mind open about bumping his grade level back in middle school. I think it would be beneficial for church as well... As it is, I was concerned about him moving up to the 2nd-3rd grade class this year. Thankfully, his reading clicked enough over the summer that he is now able to read aloud from his NKJV Bible in class. I'm so thankful he has a November birthday and had that extra built in time for reading to click enough! Moving up to the 4th-5th grade class, and then later the middle school class... he's going to probably struggle the first year in those classes. They're pretty challenging. So we'll see.

 

To the OP, it sounds like your son wants to do it, so I say go for it. You can always undo it later if you need to.

[FairProspects]

Knowing you and your posts, I'd do it in a heartbeat, fwiw. ;) But yes, work on the accommodations for independence too. Those are not going to fix the late EF issues that come along with this profile though. Nothing but time will help there.