Holding a child back a grade - Pros/Cons

[lea_lpz]

Maybe I am an oddball but I clearly remember feeling quite bothered by being repeating k. Initially it was good because I was not really ready to read until I turned 7 and for formal school. So doing 1st at 7 was good early on, but I got pretty bored around 4th grade and felt ready to move on in most areas of my education. By high school I was bored to tears. I could have tested out of high school and started community college by sophomore year easily. I took a class over the summer before junior year and had to take the STAR test. I placed in college level English and math the spring of my sophomore year. Maybe if I didn't have to repeat k versus you know, just not starting k until I turned 6, it wouldn't have seemed like such a big deal. Also, I was really tall for my age, so adding to that I was a year older it was very obvious I was older. It looked like I was more like 2+ years older than the other kids. That was embarrassing! And I hated people to ask me my age and grade. Sometimes I tried to lie and say I was younger than I was. Looking back I don't really know why it bothered me so much but it did. I think I always felt like I "failed". Anyhow your situation is different because you homeschool so it's a different experience from seeing your class move in while you stay behind. And with a learning disability as well as how much time you've tried to keep him at grade level, I can understand the logic. In fact I opted to classify my son as a transitional kindergartener even though he made the cut off. So technical he starts k next year after turning 6 in June. Which coincidently was how old I was when I did my second year of k. But then he's a boy and the cut off date changed in my state; it is now Sept 1 and was Dec 1 when I was a kid. I have actually even debated doing what you suggest with my dd if need be in middle school. Lot of the same reasons. Keeping her at grade level has been a struggle and I might want to have some breathing room, but I want to wait because she's young, so she might, like I did, make some huge strides in the dialectic phase, so around 6-7 grade that when I will tackle that...

 

Anywho just thought I would try to give my perspective of how it felt to be held back and repeat a grade.

[FO4UR]

He's now doing karate, and the 6 year olds function better than he does. He's now old enough to earn an orange belt, but he isn't in any way ready for it. As it is, he got the lowest striped white belt, which 4 year olds can earn. EF skills get in the way, and it just takes him another year usually to develop certain skills.

 

 

 

Work hard to protect him from those comparisons.  I know we *think* about these things, but protect him from it.  The karate is so good for him!  Gaining the physical coordination will help with the academics!  Even if he develops slowly there too, encourage him to keep it up.

 

Gymnastics is helpful too if you have that opportunity.

 

My ds has tried both Karate and gymnastics.  We just don't have those opportunities since we moved. I am trying to talk dh into making the hour-long drive to a good dojo for him.  I think it's worth it.

 

Don't be surprised if your math-lover flips a switch when math requires more *written* output and/or more steps. My ds is a math-natural, but about 4th grade level was the tipping point where his dyslexia started really getting in the way.  It's different than dyscalculia or math LD...math isn't the problem, communication is.

[FairProspects]

Work hard to protect him from those comparisons.  I know we *think* about these things, but protect him from it.  The karate is so good for him!  Gaining the physical coordination will help with the academics!  Even if he develops slowly there too, encourage him to keep it up.

 

Gymnastics is helpful too if you have that opportunity.

 

My ds has tried both Karate and gymnastics.  We just don't have those opportunities since we moved. I am trying to talk dh into making the hour-long drive to a good dojo for him.  I think it's worth it.

 

Don't be surprised if your math-lover flips a switch when math requires more *written* output and/or more steps. My ds is a math-natural, but about 4th grade level was the tipping point where his dyslexia started really getting in the way.  It's different than dyscalculia or math LD...math isn't the problem, communication is.

 

Absolutely the bolded, yes. Late 4th grade math is where the cognitive load of little things overwhelms these learners. My ds is a math natural too but he only loves tutoring at this point and says he is a failure at arithmetic. It is flipping the little things in their heads and on paper that is increasingly frustrating for them (and me) and the dyslexia really shows up. I pretty much have to remind ds daily that arithmetic and math are not the same thing.

[boscopup]

Work hard to protect him from those comparisons. I know we *think* about these things, but protect him from it. The karate is so good for him! Gaining the physical coordination will help with the academics! Even if he develops slowly there too, encourage him to keep it up.

So far, he hasn't really cared about the comparison. And I told him how proud I was that he earned a stripe, because I know he worked hard for it. He is happy. :) He has a good sensei that pushes him to work, but recognizes his limits and praises for improvement, even though it's not as good as the other kids are doing. He's really close to memorizing his kata. He tends to forget the beginning, but once he gets going, he remembers the rest. And oh the tears the day that sempai forgot a step while leading him through it. :tongue_smilie:

 

He's also learned not to get upset by younger kids doing something better than him. He has a 5 year old brother that writes and reads noticeably better. Very obvious. He doesn't feel bad though. I tell him how proud I am that he has worked so hard, and how some things come easier to us than others. So math comes easy, but reading/writing not so much. Likewise, reading/writing comes easier to baby brother than math does (he's ahead of grade level in math, but I don't expect him to catch up to the 8 year old in that subject, as he's the least mathy of the 3 kids).

 

I've also told him many times about his grandpa (my dad), who didn't start reading until around 7 or 8 and was in special ed in early elementary, but by middle school, he could read anything and cleared out the entire science fiction section of the library, including adult books. Grandpa reads to my 8 year old a lot, so I point out how well he reads now and you would never know he took a little longer to learn in the beginning. Grandpa was also a successful engineer. So all of that has helped my 8 year old be comfortable with things. Now that could change in middle school, but right now he has a good attitude.

 

Don't be surprised if your math-lover flips a switch when math requires more *written* output and/or more steps. My ds is a math-natural, but about 4th grade level was the tipping point where his dyslexia started really getting in the way. It's different than dyscalculia or math LD...math isn't the problem, communication is.

Yeah, that is a scary thing. My son does very well with addition/subtraction with regrouping, not forgetting steps or anything, but he can't line up numbers to save his life. He still writes too big. I'll have to use graph paper with him eventually. He's doing CLE, which has given him plenty of review, review, review. Remembering coin names took a good year, but the regrouping process was learned in a week and remembered long term. He does fine with math facts, including multiplication. So there is hope that he'll have the processes of later math ok. It's just lining things up that he can read them will be a chore... and we're still getting certain numbers to look right. He starts 6 in the middle, curls around counterclockwise, then does the top part. It looks like a weird S and is easily confused with 8. We practice writing correct 6s every.single.day. I still have to show him how to do it properly every.single.day. :lol:

 

I just never know with this kid what will trip him up. The things that I think will be scary, like word problems, end up easy peasy. Then coin names, that I thought would be easy (especially using real coins) ended up being hard (no problem adding up the coins... just couldn't remember that a nickel was 5 cents and a dime 10 cents). His brain is a constant mystery to me. :) Thankfully, I'm finding that he works really well with the Mennonite products (CLE, R&S). Boring and traditional works for him. And lots of repetition.

 

So we're getting there. Time and patience. :) I think his biggest hurdles are mostly EF related, and those affect all aspects of life (following directions, getting out the door on time, etc.). I see improvement all the time. Hence why an extra year might just be what he needs in the long run.