Do you clothe your teens?

[Luanne]

I paid for my daughter's clothes until she got a job.  Now she works full time and pays for not only her own clothes, but mine as well.  She is 25.

 

I can't imagine anyone making their 14-16 year old go out and get a job so they can have clothes.  Around here that would be very difficult since most places won't hire anyone under 18 and people usually get family members to babysit.  It seems rather harsh to me. 

[Ottakee]

I paid for my daughter's clothes until she got a job.  Now she works full time and pays for not only her own clothes, but mine as well.  She is 25.

 

I can't imagine anyone making their 14-16 year old go out and get a job so they can have clothes.  Around here that would be very difficult since most places won't hire anyone under 18 and people usually get family members to babysit.  It seems rather harsh to me. 

 

It might be harsh now days but when I was a teen, that WAS reality for our family and most families around us.  We were rural and in a farming community.  My mom was a single parent and just didnt' have the money.  Most other families were struggling to make ends meet too----"vacations" were a week camping at the local church campground, etc.

 

I started buying my own clothes with my own money that I earned starting at age 11.  My peers and I would babysit, pick blueberries, wash vegetables for the farmer's markets, etc.  Some kids gathered eggs at commercial egg farms, baled hay, caught chickens, etc.  Honestly none of us really thought anything about it.

 

Then in highschool I went to a larger school where there were a lot of kids that were $$$$ rich down to those of us that worked.  All of my friends worked 10-20 hours a week during the school year and 30+ in the summer.  That was just life.

 

Honestly, I don't regret that at all.  I think we all learned the value of money early.

[TammyS]

My parents clothed me until into my 20's. Although I could buy my own clothes at that time, shopping for me was something my stepmother enjoyed, lol.

 

I have never, before this board, heard of parents making their teenagers buy their own clothing. Never.

 

Wow.  I guess I don't get that at all.  I could never even imagine asking my parents (or expecting) that they would clothe me as an adult.  That is literally mind boggling to me.  I would have been ashamed if they had even tried.

[TammyS]

I paid for my daughter's clothes until she got a job.  Now she works full time and pays for not only her own clothes, but mine as well.  She is 25.

 

I can't imagine anyone making their 14-16 year old go out and get a job so they can have clothes.  Around here that would be very difficult since most places won't hire anyone under 18 and people usually get family members to babysit.  It seems rather harsh to me. 

I don't think anyone is making their kids (by which I mean the sub-18 crowd - I refuse to call an 18 year old a kid), get jobs.  But I think when their kids do get jobs, they are saying "that's a good 1st step toward adulthood, paying a little bit of your own way is a next good step."

 

It used to be that 14+ was the time to start transitioning into an adult, so that you were an adult by the time you were 18.  Now people seem not to even consider becoming an adult until well into their 20s. 

[Annie Laurie]

We still pay for our 20 year old's clothes. He has other expenses he pays for, and he does work. He puts most of his paycheck into savings, which we prefer. And we want him to focus on his studies. We expect to pay for clothes for all of our kids through college.

 

I like the idea of giving them the clothing budget so they can learn how to manage money themselves, that's why my kids get an allowance. So I'm going to ponder that. The problem is, I find much better deals for clothing than they can because I know how to stack sales, coupons, etc. But I guess that's something I can teach them, and the point of them having the money to manage, so they learn to do those things themselves.

[QueenCat]

I must be the odd one out!  Our kids all started part time jobs at 14, and from then were required to buy their own clothes.  When they earned over a certain amount they were required to pay some board.

 

They are lucky to have found jobs at such a young age. Few places around  here will hire under the age of 18. Even fast food and grocery stores have minimal, if any, slots open for under 18. Exceptions are summer camps and other seasonal jobs. Most teens are really only able to pet sit, babysit or do lawn care.

[QueenCat]

Yes, we will supply all needed clothing, through college. Neither boy cares for super expensive clothes, but if they did, they'd like have to pay for those extras. They do pick them out, and sometimes shop for the clothing on their own, but we pay for it. They do what they are supposed to do: get good grades in school and work part time. We will support them in their endeavors.

[Wheres Toto]

I still by necessary items for my oldest.  Bras, undies, basic jeans, some tops, dance clothes, shoes.  Basic items.  IF she wants something particularly special or expensive (like Uggs) she can buy them herself or holiday/birthday presents are a possibility.  She works but the majority of her paychecks go toward her housing costs to live on campus so she doesn't have a ton of extra money.  But she works at Target, gets a discount and likes their clothes.

 

ETA:  I expect this to continue as long as she is in school, unless she receives a stipend in grad school or has a salary so high she can easily afford it herself. 

[Wheres Toto]

They are lucky to have found jobs at such a young age. Few places around  here will hire under the age of 18. Even fast food and grocery stores have minimal, if any, slots open for under 18. Exceptions are summer camps and other seasonal jobs. Most teens are really only able to pet sit, babysit or do lawn care.

 

I was wondering about this.  Around here 16, 17 year olds can find jobs - there are a million retail places around (easier to get one of these jobs than a babysitting gig - they seem to go to adults with young children).  But they can't work until they're 16, there are limited hours allowed because of labor laws, and they obviously don't pay very well.  I'm not sure about expecting them to provide for their own needs while also trying to do well in school.

 

When I was in high school in the 80's I worked for Kmart from the time I was 16.  I hit full-time plus hours during school breaks and holidays.  I paid rent, bought my own clothes, etc. but my family was very very poor so it was necessary.  It made it very hard to do anything but work and school (although I was on the track team Junior and Senior year), no plans of any kind for summers or vacations, worked a full day every holiday.  I guess if I have the choice, I'd rather not put those kinds of expectations on my kids.  

[QueenCat]

I was wondering about this.  Around here 16, 17 year olds can find jobs - there are a million retail places around (easier to get one of these jobs than a babysitting gig - they seem to go to adults with young children).  But they can't work until they're 16, there are limited hours allowed because of labor laws, and they obviously don't pay very well.  I'm not sure about expecting them to provide for their own needs while also trying to do well in school.

 

When I was in high school in the 80's I worked for Kmart from the time I was 16.  I hit full-time plus hours during school breaks and holidays.  I paid rent, bought my own clothes, etc. but my family was very very poor so it was necessary.  It made it very hard to do anything but work and school (although I was on the track team Junior and Senior year), no plans of any kind for summers or vacations, worked a full day every holiday.  I guess if I have the choice, I'd rather not put those kinds of expectations on my kids.  

 

Around here, there is a fairly large university that supplies part time workers as well as a large portion of adults that permanently are in retail/fast food, leaving little for those under 18. Employers have so many older ones to choose from........

[Tess in the Burbs]

When I was a kid my mom had a budget.  With each kid having a set allowance for clothes we decided how many outfits we needed with that money.  I opted to go to a cheaper place(like Kohls) for most of my outfits, and then bought 1 shirt and 1 pair of jeans that were all the rage and 'must have' to be considered of decent social status.  My sister opted to buy 1-2 super expensive/cool outfits and trade with friends to get through the week with enough to wear.  

 

My kids usually only have 5-7 outfits at a time.  Sometimes only 4.  We laundry often enough they wear the same things anyway!  When they get older it will be the same offer I had.  We will gladly buy enough outfits (5-7) to clothe them.  If they want more expensive they will need to pay the difference or opt to go with less.  

 

I paid for college.  I don't remember my mom buying me clothes but who knows.  I do remember buying many outfits in college...I worked and had the money.  I suspect if I had nothing they would have bought me some.  I know my freshman year of college I sold all my clothes so I could buy summer clothes.  So, no, I guess mom/dad didn't buy me clothes?  

 

I think when my kids get college age I would ask what they need and if they tell me, I would offer to get some of it.  I know I sure never asked or told my parents I needed clothes!

[Tammi K]

I read the title of the thread and the first thing that popped into my head was: Nope! We let them run around nekid' as jay birds. But, then I figured, we live in Alaska so letting them run around unclothed was probably some kind of abuse.

 

Edit: Because I hit the wrong button and posted too soon.

 

We pay for clothing until they are finished with high school and are earning some income on their own. The younger ones get basics and if they want fancier they are welcome to spend their allowance or ask for specifics for Christmas, etc. It hasn't ever been an issue because most of our kids are pretty happy with the basics. DS(13) actually came home from Fred Meyers without new tennis shows because, according to him, "Walmart has perfectly acceptable shoes for $12. I think it is silly to spend $30 at FM." Okay, works for me!  On the other hand, DD is blessed with a rather heavy load of bOOks and bookshelves are in the $80 range. Needless to say, this is an expense she can't meet and not an item we can pick up at WalMart. But, if she sees a fun t-shirt that she wants, that's on her dime.

 

Since we don't do traditional 'school shopping' I generally pick up things as needed or requested until they are old enough to do it themselves.

[AimeeM]

Wow.  I guess I don't get that at all.  I could never even imagine asking my parents (or expecting) that they would clothe me as an adult.  That is literally mind boggling to me.  I would have been ashamed if they had even tried.

 

*shrug*

I never asked. My stepmother enjoyed shopping for me. It's no different, imo, than them giving us birthday or christmas gifts (and us, them, as well). I'm sorry you find it shameful. Different strokes and all that :)

[QueenCat]

*shrug*

I never asked. My stepmother enjoyed shopping for me. It's no different, imo, than them giving us birthday or christmas gifts (and us, them, as well). I'm sorry you find it shameful. Different strokes and all that :)

 

My mom still wants to take me to the mall and buy me an outfit when she visits (once or twice a  year, not every week!)......... and I let her, as she truly enjoys it, and gets pleasure from it. She'd be hurt/upset if I said "no". She's certainly not filling my closet but there a couple of outfits a year are bought by her.

[Tammyla]

We happily can afford to pay for dd and ds's and will through college.  They are both very responsible with their own money;).  Dd will often spend her own money on clothing etc. when she shops, but we are willing to pay for all of it. 

 

Growing up, my parents had a tighter budget, but they still supplied my clothing through high school and into college.

[ocelotmom]

I expect we'll pay for the basics (with the primarily secondhand budget we usually pay) until they're reasonably capable of doing so on their own. However, our definition of "the basics" may change once they finish growing - you don't generally need a full new wardrobe yearly once you reach your adult size.

[AimeeM]

My mom still wants to take me to the mall and buy me an outfit when she visits (once or twice a  year, not every week!)......... and I let her, as she truly enjoys it, and gets pleasure from it. She'd be hurt/upset if I said "no". She's certainly not filling my closet but there a couple of outfits a year are bought by her.

 

My husband is 45. His father still insists on giving him gas money when we visit, lol.

I would be hurt if my adult child refused to allow me to do something for them, or buy something for them, just because they're "grown up". I take pleasure in buying certain things for my kids (and I do not expect that to change just because they hit a certain age).

I'm with your mom - I love taking my only DD to the mall; she's 12 now, and I think I'll still enjoy it when she's 20/30/40 :)

[Katy]

We have them buy their own things with their allowance starting at age 8.  We pay twice their age in weekly allowance IF they do all their personal chores.  We don't pay for family chores (washing dishes, etc).   They have to budget out every penny in a spending plan in advance. If they need more money for something (lessons, camp, etc), they can negotiate to do more work OR they can get a job.

[swellmomma]

I buy my teens a decent wardrobe filled with items they like that they will actually wear.  I buy the shoes, makeup(on the rare occasions it is bought), jewelry, watches, winter coats and boots etc for them.  If however they want something beyond my budget it is up to them to earn the money to buy it themselves or put it on their "list" (as in what to tell people they want when asked for birthdays, xmas, their dad etc) and wait and see if they are gifted it.  I could not imagine making my kids have to provide basics for themselves like that just because they are teens.  Now if dd15 suddenly felt she needed $100 jeans instead of the ones I currently buy (like the pair last week on sale for $10) then yeah she would have to do so herself, but just jeans in general etc no way. That is part of being a mom, providing all their needs until they are adults.

[jen3kids]

My oldest is now 17 and has had a job for nearly a year.  He makes good money and he loves being able to buy his own things.  He went on a bit of a spending spree when he got his first few paycheques, but he has done an ok job of saving.  His next purchase is going to be a car.  He is expected to buy it and pay for the insurance on his own, so he has to decide if those $5 drinks at Starbucks and late night trips to Taco Bell are worth it.  Thankfully, he had decided they are not going to be a regular thing.  He is becoming a more frugal shopper and got 2 tanks at Hollister for $15 today!

 

That said, I still offer to  buy his clothes when we're out shopping together.  Sometimes he insists on paying himself, other times he says, "Thank you." and puts his wallet away.  He expects to pay for them himself.  

 

 

[Artichoke]

So far, we've bought clothes through college -- all boys who would probably wear clothes to shreds if I let them. If we had someone wanting expensive clothing, then I'd probably just give them x amount of dollars towards it. The monetary difference would be up to them. We also pay for the $10 add a line dumb phone through college and so far none of them have upgraded for the extra money. I think dh and I have gotten off easy, so far.

[Ripley]

Wow.  I guess I don't get that at all.  I could never even imagine asking my parents (or expecting) that they would clothe me as an adult.  That is literally mind boggling to me.  I would have been ashamed if they had even tried.

 

 

My mom and former mother-in-law are shoppers. They both send me clothes or take me shopping on a pretty regular basis. It's not an expectation I have, nor is it a request of mine (truly I'd rather have the cash to put towards things I actually want LOL) but it is a way that both women choose or feel compelled to show their love. Not unlike the mom who likes to cook and who still prepares an adult child's favorite meals when that child visits home. 

 

I find no shame in either as they stand alone; I can maybe see shame if there was that expectation or request you assumed - but I don't automatically view those as the default behind a parent who buys clothes for an adult child.  I guess that's where you and I differ, and where our respective family cultures show their influence on our points of view.

 

I'm in my 30s and my mom came home a few hours ago with two new bras for me.  She saw a sale, knew I'd like them, and ... brace yourself ... she knows my size because she hand washes my lingerie :seeya:  I don't ask or expect her to buy OR wash my lingerie it's just something she does.  Just like when I fill her gas tank every week - she neither requests nor expects, she simply and graciously accepts my gesture of love. 

 

Long story short, I think situational context is important. A lazy, unemployed 18-27 year old expecting Moms to buy him designer jeans is a different beast than a responsible, underemployed 16-25 year old whose Momma sees him trying to stretch his wages. I see it as the difference between enabling and helping, and from that perspective it doesn't matter if we're talking clothes, cash, housing, or full-on supporting. LOL

[Ripley]

My mom and former mother-in-law are shoppers, so they contribute the lion's share to my kids' wardrobes. It works for us because my daughter prefers their taste to mine, my son doesn't care what he wears, the grandmas like to shop, and I don't. LOL

 

I fill in whatever is missing, anything required by extracurricular activities, and many of their wants (within reason). I have no end age in mind. I'll stop when I feel taken advantage of or when my help is no longer desired.  That could be age 10, 15, or 30 for all I know.  I like to play it by ear rather than box myself in by overthinking it now. I think each kid is different, each season of life is different, and there are just too many variables to have a set expectation about things like this.

 

 

 

[Joker]

My mom still buys me clothes and shoes. I also get new pajamas from her every Christmas. :lol:  She is a shopper and she really enjoys finding good deals and sending them my way.

 

I buy my teen, and almost teen, dd clothes. They have no way to make their own money yet. They do get money and gift cards for birthdays and holidays and they can choose to spend those on clothes as well, but they have not at this point ever asked for something that I would not agree to buy for them (in regards to clothing/shoes).

[momto2Cs]

No, they go without clothing.

 

Seriously though, yes, I clothe my teen (and tween). Thankfully, they do not mind second hand clothes, and my ds13 has, this year, gotten a bunch of hand-me-downs from teen friends. I figure there is plenty of time later in life for my kids to be responsible for buying their own clothes. I also feed them, put a roof over their heads, etc. I always figured it is my responsibility as the parent until they are out on their own, or until such time as they choose to buy some of their own clothing.

[Ivey]

We buy our teens' clothes. When they have the money they'll sometimes buy themselves a few items here and there, but I expect we'll be paying for the majority of their clothes until they finish college. So far, none of them have been interested in buying clothes that are out of our price range. 

[Murphy101]

I'm not even sure I comprehend the question.

 

Do I let my kids of any age go in tattered beggars clothes, rather than buy them what is necessary, presuming I can afford to buy it? Absolutely not. Wouldn't matter if they were 2 or 32.

 

Do my kids who have their own funds buy their own clothes? Yes. Why would I buy it for them when they can do for themselves? Why would they even ask me to? As a gift or something? *confused*

 

Currently we are all living together under a family helps family motto rule of life. So if they couldn't buy something they needed bc their funds were needed in some other area, then of course we would fill the gap as best we could. They do the same in return. There's also the aspect of simply being considerate of each other. If I see something for a good price that I know they could use, I'll go ahead and buy it if I can or at least call them and ask them if they want to come buy it or pay me back. They do the same for each other and us their parents. Everyone wins.

 

Also I'm presuming we aren't just talking "teens" but older teens 17ish and older. Not quite the same dealings as one would expect with a 13 year old.

 

ETA: oh wow. A person getting their knickers in a twist over expensive brands or whatever. None of them have been like that. They are concerned they they look presentable and not awkward or whatever. But I've never heard them complain about brands or stores or whatever.

 

Edited for less strident tone. :)

[DianeW88]

Not much past age 16 or 17.  We give them clothing (or cash to buy clothing) as gifts on birthdays and holidays, but my kids both had part time jobs by age 16, and they chose to buy their own clothes.  My dd was teaching ballet for $20 and hour and $50 an hour for a private lesson by 16, so she had plenty to spend.  She went shopping with her girlfriends, and they bought the expensive, trendy, clothes they all loved.  My son started shopping on his own around that time as well.  It really wasn't a money issue for us...we can afford to clothe all of our kids with no problem...but rather, just a part of the natural process called "growing up".

[ocelotmom]

I'm grateful. My mama doesn't buy me basics, but she does buy me some nice, new things every season - nicer than I could ever manage. I don't feel ashamed at all...I feel grateful!

 

She also helps me buy clothes for my kids - again, not the basics but the extras - should I feel doubly ashamed ?! :)

 

That's a free choice gift that happens to be clothing vs. providing each and every item of clothing that they own because it's a parental obligation to clothe your kids.

 

I posted about our clothing budget being thrift store. While this is true for the majority of their clothing, the kids often get new clothing on present-giving-occasions as well. And I doubt that would change, money allowing, even after they became adults.

 

I don't imagine anyone here is saying they'll never give their kid another item of clothing ever, just that they won't feel obligated to do so, or to provide everything.

[Jaybee]

We gave our girls a clothing allowance to be used for everything but good running shoes and swimsuits--excluding those because they ended up being higher expense items that would completely blow what was needed for everything else. That started when we were being constantly faced with a T-shirt here for this, an outfit there for that, and our limited budget couldn't handle the unlimited expenses. So we said, "This is what we can do." They immediately became even more responsible (they were not extravagant before) and would supplement sometimes with babysitting money. It worked well for all, and they learned to live on a budget. We could add clothing gifts for b'days and Christmas, etc., but the basics were covered.

[marbel]

Wow.  I guess I don't get that at all.  I could never even imagine asking my parents (or expecting) that they would clothe me as an adult.  That is literally mind boggling to me.  I would have been ashamed if they had even tried.

 

I didn't get that it was an expectation.   Tell you what, I'd still love to have a parent clothe me so I wouldn't have to spend time and aggravation shopping.  LOL.   Actually my MIL probably would be happy to but our tastes don't converge.  :lol:

 

This is an interesting thread.  So many different points of view and ways of doing things.   This is just another aspect of life that has so many variables depending on needs, culture, etc.  Love it!

[swellmomma]

I didn't get that it was an expectation.   Tell you what, I'd still love to have a parent clothe me so I wouldn't have to spend time and aggravation shopping.  LOL.   Actually my MIL probably would be happy to but our tastes don't converge.  :lol:

 

This is an interesting thread.  So many different points of view and ways of doing things.   This is just another aspect of life that has so many variables depending on needs, culture, etc.  Love it!

trust me, no you don't.  My mom likes to buy me new clothes, bras etc. The bras usually don't fit and the clothes are styles she likes at almost 55, not what I am interested in wearing at 37.  I am grateful that she thought of me when she bought them but then I have to go through the hassle of finding a store to exchange them at (and often that means driving the 2 hours to the city to do so). So it adds more stress to shopping.  My folks do give me a gift card to the plus size store at christmas so I can get what I want after one particularly ungrateful moment I had at christmas a few years ago.  That I am more ashamed of than the fact that she buys me clothes.

[Lady Florida.]

I must be the odd one out!  Our kids all started part time jobs at 14, and from then were required to buy their own clothes.  When they earned over a certain amount they were required to pay some board.

 

 

I see our responsibility as parents to give our kids the tools to survive and thrive in life, and we couldn't see that happening if we provided everything for them beyond the age where it was reasonable to expect they were capable of beginning to do that for themselves.

 

I see that as our responsibility too. However, we've raised one this way (buying his clothes until he's older) and are happy with the outcome. Both of our parents took a similar route with each of us and it worked out well too. 

 

This got me thinking.  I actually think that when my 15yo is a little older I will be requiring him to pay more, as he can, because I don't want him to have that "sweet time".  I see lots of problems with very young people becoming accustomed to a certain standard of living that they haven't really earned, and this being the path to consumer debt.  The young are supposed to struggle to attain their living.  That struggle teaches them wisdom and restraint.  It also gives them true self respect, the kind that can only be earned.

 

They can learn wisdom and restraint while having a sweet time. I have seen how ds uses the money he's earning this summer and I can see that he will do just fine. Will he make financial mistakes? Probably. Few people don't. But just because he has money to spend on his wants rather than his needs, it doesn't mean he spends that money irresponsibly. As I said in my post you were responding to, he knows the difference between wants and needs. He hasn't become accustomed to an unrealistic standard of living.

 

I have never, before this board, heard of parents making their teenagers buy their own clothing. Never.

 

Neither have I.

 

They are lucky to have found jobs at such a young age. Few places around  here will hire under the age of 18. Even fast food and grocery stores have minimal, if any, slots open for under 18. Exceptions are summer camps and other seasonal jobs. Most teens are really only able to pet sit, babysit or do lawn care.

 

This is true in my area. Ds searched for over a year for the job he has. He was told when he got hired that he'll be laid off at the end of the summer when business slows down. The typical teen jobs don't exist in many places anymore. We've had that discussion here before. How is a minor supposed to pay for his own clothes if he can't find a job?

 

[shanvan]

I thought we would continue to clothe our teens into college.  Then Dh was laid off.  Thankfully, he has a new job, but he also has a new salary, and it is quite a bit less than he made previously.  B/c of our circumstances Ds kept his summer job through the school year.  Now, after several raises, he's making a wage I was aiming for if I began working.  So, yes, he's probably going to pay for most of his clothes.  He's also paying for one of his online class and his school books.  It's not ideal, and not what I planned, but it is reality right now.  He's happy to be able to help, and he's still been able to save some.  He just thanked his boss for the job last weekend and she was overcome by his appreciation.  

 

I paid for my own clothing, groceries, car, insurance, and gas by the time I was 17.  I wanted to spare Ds some of that, but life didn't work out that way.  I can see that Ds is becoming a very mature and responsible young man, though, and maybe this way is better.  I also paid my own college tuition, though I did not pay my parents rent (lived at home and commuted).  

 

Our change of circumstances has made me think about the messages we send teens, and I was pondering just the other day the idea that maybe we try to extend their childhood a little too much.  Where we live a teen cannot drive without another licensed driver in the car until they are 18.  If that had been the law when I was a teen, I would have had to drag a parent with me for the day when I began college!  I was still 17 for a couple of months when I started classes.  My mom still had a 10 year old at home.  I can't imagine what we would have done.  I was a good responsible driver who needed to commute and drive to work daily.  Sorry, off topic, just something I have been pondering related to teens and responsibility.  I know the statistics on teens and auto accidents, so I'm not seriously arguing against the new requirements, just thinking out loud.  

 

As for the 'teens paying for clothing' discussion, there are so many variables and circumstances that affect the decision, parents are going to make different, equally valid points and decisions.  Oh, and my mom still buys me clothing occasionally if we are out and I see something I like.  She bought me an outfit at Macy's the other day and the shirt cost a whole $20, which I thought was scandalous.  Pants were on clearance for $2, which is more like my price range!  It is nice to have a mom take care of you sometimes.