Christian, not attending church, more like home churching it...?s

[Mandylubug]

We are Christian. I was raised Southern Baptist, our kids were raised in a southern baptist church until about 4 years ago. We have had a heart change and just don't feel spiritually compelled to attend an organized church.

 

We attend a Christian home-school co-op. We have a family devotion. We utilize a Christian curriculum in most subjects. We feel more lead to pursue community outreach. We don't even feel compelled for evangelizing like many churches do. We don't want to "cram Jesus" down peoples throats. We just want to show our compassion and care to everyone. If they ask us our beliefs, we will gladly share with them.

 

DH wants us to spend Sunday mornings before he leaves for work at lunch time doing something volunteer wise. 

 

We are introverts for the most part and most of our religious family members have basically accused us of "falling out of God's graces" or consider us the lost sheep. We aren't lost. I believe our spirituality is more defined and clear to us than when we spent our time in a church building, teaching Sunday School and participating in Praise Team in front of the service. We have even offended our family because we don't pray aloud. We do ask God to bless our food, but we believe it is an individual relationship and it is OK to not pray aloud. When we eat out in restaurants or at family meals we encourage our kids to be sure to say their prayers before they eat, etc. It is offensive to them that we don't have one person pray over the meal. I just don't understand why our prayer style is offensive. We will gladly bow our heads and be respectful of their styles and allow them to lead the family in prayer before we eat.

 

I suppose, I just don't know how to explain our stance on not attending church. We kind of "home church" but we don't dedicate Sunday only to Praise and worship.

 

eta:

 

Does your family not attend a Church but still consider yourself spiritual?

How do you address questions when asked why you do not attend?

 

[saraha]

:grouphug:   We are becoming closet non attenders.  Dh doesn't want to tell his family we are kind of over organized church services, so we don't.  I don't like pretending to be a family we are not, but he hates confrontation and figures if they don't specifically ask, then no need to broadcast.  We still consider ourselves Christians, believe in the tenents of Christianity, just don't feel the need to sit in a building full of people singing songs we wouldn't otherwise sing, with people who only speak to us on Sundays, if then,  and feeling like we need to deconstruct  every sermon when we sit down to lunch because of something that was said that we don't necessarily think is correct.  The kids and I still go a few times a month, but dh doesn't go at all.

[Catwoman]

My feeling is that whatever works for your family is perfectly fine, and anyone who has a problem with it needs to learn how to mind their own business.

 

You don't need to explain yourself to anyone.

[Mandylubug]

My feeling is that whatever works for your family is perfectly fine, and anyone who has a problem with it needs to learn how to mind their own business.

 

You don't need to explain yourself to anyone.

 

Thank you! I agree I shouldn't have to explain ourselves. Some people I don't mind discussing it with like friends. I have found certain family members completely shun us now because we don't follow their ideal beliefs. Or they are always inviting our kids to functions as if they need to evangelize them out of our heathen household habits...even though we probably spend more time in our Biblical studies than they ever have. We are part of a co-op and it seems like friendships always start with introductions and "oh, what church do you attend?" I haven't admitted we don't attend one particular church yet. I have said we are between churches currently and of course, that puts fire under them and they are trying to recruit us during every conversation from then on out. I just need to tell them we home church or something that explains we are still spiritual, not "bad people" (because everyone in the south gasps if you don't attend church), and just move on from here, I guess.

[Tess in the Burbs]

I too have gone through some phases of doing 'church' at home.  Our family really enjoyed it.  We are mostly introverts.  In the right situation/people we like the group thing, but overall we all enjoyed doing a Bible study at home.  We have been attending a church for the last year and I have been consistent in us attending but we haven't been able to get plugged in with others like I had hoped.  My ds says he likes it but if given the chance he would choose to home church again.  I know dd likes the social aspect but she too hasn't made a close friend there. 

 

I think it's fine to have your relationship and study on your own.  Your family is your 'church'.  I would do what feels right.  For us after a few months we were more willing to give another church a try.  We have home churched a few times in the last 5 years.  

 

Do what is best for you all.  A lot of people in church don't have a relationship with God.  I would just keep asking what the family members want and make the best choice for you all. 

[KRG]

We are Christian and have not attended a regular church service in about 6 years. Occasionally I miss it. We have been accused of all sorts of 'sins' since we don't attend. My thoughts are those that do that sort of accusing are very legalistic and have no idea what is in our hearts.

[J-rap]

I don't think anything is wrong with it at all.  I've actually seen that happening more and more.   I think for a lot of people, they have become frustrated or disappointed in the big church organization, but they are still very faithful people.  They remain Christians and just do it differently.  It's probably more like how it was in the early days of Christianity to do it the way you're doing it.

 

We live in a small town and we were tempted to do it that way as well.  We did continue to go partly because wanted our children to experience a church community, and I wanted them to feel comfortable in one.  When people go through difficult times, it's nice to have a church community to rely on.  Also, when you are going through a dry spell, it can be encouraging to be in a church environment which helps carry you and refresh you.  I also gain insight in sermons that I may not have come up with on my own, although that happens more often with online sermons that I listen to, not the ones at my church!  :)

 

But otherwise, I often feel like you do.  We tend to do it half-and-half right now.  A couple of my children are doing it that way.  They take their Christian faith very seriously, but aren't part of a church.  It's all okay.  Loving one another by doing volunteer work, etc., is a wonderful thing to do.  That takes more effort than just sitting in a pew!

 

There are different seasons for everything, including your Christian walk.

[MelAR05]

We are Christians who do not attend church and have not for the last 6 years. I'll admit that it's been a lonely road. We, too, live in the South. Whenever we tell someone, specifically homeschoolers, that we don't attend church then their guard goes up and they are less likely to trust us, or they try to recruit us. :/ We tried going back to a church for a while and just couldn't do it.

 

I feel closer to God and more comfortable with who I am than I ever did attending meetings, but the lack of friendships have been rough.

[Mandylubug]

I don't think anything is wrong with it at all.  I've actually seen that happening more and more.   I think for a lot of people, they have become frustrated or disappointed in the big church organization, but they are still very faithful people.  They remain Christians and just do it differently.  It's probably more like how it was in the early days of Christianity to do it the way you're doing it.

 

We live in a small town and we were tempted to do it that way as well.  We did continue to go partly because wanted our children to experience a church community, and I wanted them to feel comfortable in one.  When people go through difficult times, it's nice to have a church community to rely on.  Also, when you are going through a dry spell, it can be encouraging to be in a church environment which helps carry you and refresh you.  I also gain insight in sermons that I may not have come up with on my own, although that happens more often with online sermons that I listen to, not the ones at my church!  :)

 

But otherwise, I often feel like you do.  We tend to do it half-and-half right now.  A couple of my children are doing it that way.  They take their Christian faith very seriously, but aren't part of a church.  It's all okay.  Loving one another by doing volunteer work, etc., is a wonderful thing to do.  That takes more effort than just sitting in a pew!

 

There are different seasons for everything, including your Christian walk.

 

yes, I can see wanting a support system during a dry spell. Currently we are blessed to have some great Christian friends that we see regularly. We also are involved in the co-op and the kids do participate in youth activities with various friends. We allow them to do outings with these churches as they wish. So, we feel like we do have a great support system currently. However, I could see where we might feel like we would miss it IF we weren't so involved in other areas.

[Slache]

Everyone I know in those situations either becomes legalistic or lukewarm. I'm not saying don't do it, just a warning.

[HS Mom in NC]

I get it.

 

The Bible says not to forsake the fellowship of believers, so I do think you need some regular Christian fellowship but it doesn't say you need to do that every Sunday in a church building.  We need some sort teaching (milk first then meat) in good doctrine and we need to be in a relationship with others who can come along side us and encourage us and correct us biblically when necessary but again, it doesn't have to be in a church building on Sundays and Wednesday nights.  Make sure you get those things in a consistent way that doesn't conflict with Scripture and I think you'll be fine.

[Mandylubug]

Everyone I know in those situations either becomes legalistic or lukewarm. I'm not saying don't do it, just a warning.

 

Lukewarm. This is the kind of comments that can be hurtful. I know you aren't trying to be. However, if you aren't around a person 24/7, how do you know they are lukewarm? The fellow beside you in the Praise team weekly could be cold as ice but just following through the steps. The individual you claim as out of church and lukewarm could be personally feeding homeless and just not announcing it to the world.

[Catwoman]

Whenever I read threads like this, I feel very fortunate to live in a place where no one ever asks (or cares) if, when, or where you go to church.

 

I'm sorry this is something you have to deal with, Mandy. :grouphug:

[Slache]

Lukewarm. This is the kind of comments that can be hurtful. I know you aren't trying to be. However, if you aren't around a person 24/7, how do you know they are lukewarm? The fellow beside you in the Praise team weekly could be cold as ice but just following through the steps. The individual you claim as out of church and lukewarm could be personally feeding homeless and just not announcing it to the world.

 

Because they share their experiences with me. If you don't care to read your bible, pray, etc. then you're lukewarm. I wasn't saying you are, just that I wouldn't want you to become. I wasn't trying to be harsh, just warn you of what could happen.

[Mandylubug]

Because they share their experiences with me. If you don't care to read your bible, pray, etc. then you're lukewarm. I wasn't saying you are, just that I wouldn't want you to become. I wasn't trying to be harsh, just warn you of what could happen.

 

I know you weren't implying it applied to me personally.  I was just stating these statements are the common assumption as soon as I start to discuss it. 

[Cammie]

There are vibrant home church communities that are very definitely not in danger of becoming "lukewarm."  When my family relocated to the deep south for a few years to work with an international charity headquartered there, they started a house church because most of the northern liberal Christians who worked at the charity did not fit in with the Southern Baptist congregations in town.  They had a passionate, exciting house church with a number of families.  It is what you make of it - as for just about everything else in life.

[Slache]

I know you weren't implying it applied to me personally.  I was just stating these statements are the common assumption as soon as I start to discuss it. 

 

I'm sorry. I just know that most people I know who left church (this happens a lot because we don't have many good churches here) stop reading their bible completely and are spiritually starved. It makes me sad. We went to a home church for a while and became extremely legalistic. We're still recovering.

[Liz CA]

There were times when we took a hiatus. My personal relationship with Christ never wavered. We have now found a great church again. There are seasons to life and sometimes there are seasons in our faith. Not necessarily that we have less faith or more but we express it differently.

I do not believe God is offended by this. After all, he knows your heart, he even knows the words you are not saying out loud...:)

[milovany]

I agree that there can be different seasons of life on your journey toward God.  We have gone from regular, "normal" church attendance with gladness, to regular church attendance with frustration because it just didn't seem like the way we were supposed to fellowship, to church attendance with a focus on our small group, to an attempt at home churching, to church attendance/ministry with gladness again, to searching for something more historical and thinking that was Messianic Judaism, to now attending a very organized/liturgical church where we have great joy worshiping God and where we'll remain now (we believe) for life.  I have said many times, it's this or walking away from the Christian God (which I have no desire to do).

 

I pray that on your journey, you continuously move closer to Him and what His purposes are for you and "church." 

[Mandylubug]

How does your family know you stopped attending? I guess it may have come up over the years, but I was just wondering if they were members of the same church and that's why they noticed.

 

No one really asks me about church. Well, if I were to stop attending my parents might notice when I visit them. I can continue to go to church without going to the same service or even the same building. I can't imagine many people asking me about my whereabouts.

 

I don't read the Bible at home. But I wouldn't judge someone's relationship with God based on how often they open the Bible.

 

Omgosh, It's quite common for family or friends to ask if we went to sunday school or what did you do today, etc.

 

First questions out of people's mouths when introduced here is typically what church you attend. Especially so within our Christian co-op.

 

We did attend church with family, changed churches and family followed us. We then left that church but they stayed put. So family at church has always been the norm for us.

 

We don't have any issues with church itself and find it has great value for many. We feel like it just doesn't fit our family purpose currently. 

[Jasperstone]

Everyone I know in those situations either becomes legalistic or lukewarm. I'm not saying don't do it, just a warning.

 

That hasn't happened to me actually it's the opposite. I now put my trust in God only, so my walk has strengthened immensely!

 

It was too easy for me to tick-the-box off- went to Church- done my bit attitude etc....

 

Now I have a relationship with Him that I never had before.

 

I love reading the Bible, and having Him guide me through it. And not some pre- conditioned and programed Pastor telling me what it REALLY means. Before I actually didn't bother picking my Bible up, as I thought they had more knowledge and understanding than I could ever possibly have etc...

Well, God has shown me that, that isn't the case. Not when He leads.

And I'm not saying all Pastors are pre- conditioned and programed, but a lot are!

 

I do go to a home group and use it for fellowship only, as the guy leading it doesn't share my doctrinal beliefs etc...

[Jasperstone]

 

How do you address questions when asked why you do not attend?

 

 

 

I just say I like everything HOME. :D

 

Home schooling

 

Home Birthing (Well, it was close- birth centre)

 

Home Church

[Prairie~Phlox]

Tell them it's none of their business. We do all of the things that you mentioned and I no way would feel I was getting fed enough as a family. I enjoy the fellowship in our small body of Christ and thankful that I have a church family that can hold my family accountable.

[ktgrok]

It sounds like your family has an amazing spiritual life. Personally, I feel we are called to worship, not just study/volunteer/etc so maybe that's what the critics are talking about? That you don't have a time of worship? For me, as a Catholic, I also need/want/desire the Eucharist each week, and feel we are called to do so by Christ, but if one had a different interpretation on that then I guess the "Do this in remembrance of me" could be filled a different way. So I guess I'm saying that I can see people's concern, as we are to meet with other believers, as the very first Christians did, for worship, prayer, and the Eucharist. But I also see where you seem to be saying that your co-op might be meeting with other believers, etc. 

 

Either way, do what you need to do. But keep an open mind to the points others are trying to make. Also, although you don't feel you belong in the Southern Baptist church on Sunday, maybe you do belong elsewhere?The times I've been to a Baptist church it felt more like Bible Study than a worship service, maybe trying something completely different, like a Lutheran or Episcopal or Orthodox or Catholic service would be interesting, open up doors of discovery, and if nothing else serve as topics for study and conversation with your family. Maybe once a month attend a different church? 

[shanvan]

Lukewarm. This is the kind of comments that can be hurtful. I know you aren't trying to be. However, if you aren't around a person 24/7, how do you know they are lukewarm? The fellow beside you in the Praise team weekly could be cold as ice but just following through the steps. The individual you claim as out of church and lukewarm could be personally feeding homeless and just not announcing it to the world.

Yes.  There are plenty of lukewarm people sitting in church pews every Sunday.  A person's relationship with God should not hinge on church attendance.  Plenty should be happening outside of church whether or not you attend.  I don't see why a person who reads and studies the Bible, prays and fellowships is automatically going to become lukewarm just b/c they don't sit in a building every Sunday.  Their faith would need to be pretty shallow.  Sometimes, I think, churches have so much busyness going on that they can become a deterrent to hearing that 'still small voice'.  For that matter there is plenty of legalism happening in many churches too.. 

[Annie Anne]

We are part of a co-op and it seems like friendships always start with introductions and "oh, what church do you attend?" I haven't admitted we don't attend one particular church yet. I have said we are between churches currently and of course, that puts fire under them and they are trying to recruit us during every conversation from then on out. I just need to tell them we home church or something that explains we are still spiritual, not "bad people" (because everyone in the south gasps if you don't attend church), and just move on from here, I guess.

 

Tell them you attend a private home church.

You do.

[wintermom]

The reaction you are experiencing from a lot of people sounds exactly like what a lot of people experience when they tell people they homeschool. It's different than the norm and what most people expect, so they're not exactly sure how to react. Sometimes they react poorly, and sometimes the "ground breaker" feels a little sensitive to even the neutral reactions. Also, it seems as if the culture where you live and your extended family is very closely tied to the church. In other cities or other families (such as where I live and my family), you would rarely receive one question about church. But since this is where you live and your life, perhaps having a couple "ready-made" responses to the typical questions that move the conversation along to a different topic. People you spend more time with will get used to your new reality eventually.

 

Some people will continue to want you to fit neatly into a well defined box, though.  All the best on your journey.

[ktgrok]

Tell them you attend a private home church.

You do.

 

Maybe I misunderstood, but I don't think she said they do have a home church service. They have home bible study. They obviously pray at home before meals and when they feel the need to. They do service. But there is more to Church than study/prayer/service. Jesus and the Apostles did all that, as Jews, but they also attended a worship service. 

[Desert Strawberry]

If you say God is leading you to home church, who can argue? State it firmly, reassure your listener with the examples you gave us and share how this has lifted your heart. Just like home schooling, when you feel called and speak confidently, there isn't much room for argument.

My own experience is a bit simpler. There is no house of our faith locally-not our particular brand-so most people approach it as how do you manage without? We just do. 

 

My experience with Christians who home church is that they are more dedicated, more pure of faith, closer to God because they have cast off the trappings and distractions of the church. They felt attendance was a hindrance, so they stopped to refocus on what is most important.

 

Homechurching is not "leaving the church" any more than homeschooling is abandoning education. You are taking a different, more personal path, not walking away completely or "taking a break".

 

 

[Chris in VA]

I like what ktgrok says about worship. And Eucharist--but SB's have a different understanding of that, so I get why that wouldn't be on your radar. And I think maybe the "iron sharpens iron" thing is important. I also understand Slache's cautions. While I am adamately for letting God be our teacher through the scriptures and the Holy Spirit (HS illuminating them to our understanding) I also believe there is great wisdom in learning about the cultural setting of the bible, as well as the truths the Church (capital C) has taught. And yes, there are TONS of lukewarm folks, legalistic folks, etc in the pews--after all, if they had it all together, what need would there be for Christ?

 

So I guess my thought is that I feel really blessed to have found a church that is like my family, only bigger and more diverse. The diversity causes me to research and learn apologetics, but it also causes me to learn to love those who are different, and to walk with those I feel may even be in error, because that's the way humans are, and that is how I believe I am called to love.

 

There are times I'd like to home church. And I could even have liturgical worship and a valid Eucharist at home! LOL-- But...

 

Church is also a place where I have developed not only connections, but community. Real, deep community, where we do, indeed, "get into each other's business," because we want authentic, open, and real sharing and relationships. So I don't want to forsake my community. I don't just volunteer with these people--though I do--I KNOW them. When you share about the deepest things in your heart, and you HEAR the deepest things in others' hearts, then, I think, you've formed a true Christian community. When you enter into the Mystery of God together, having risked that way, it is amazing how bound you feel, what strength you glean, and what incredible worship you can enter into.

 

And also, it's not just about what I feel I want to do. Yes, I would like to pull back sometimes and be less in my church community, because frankly, some of them are a55holes. I am, too. And it's not always incredibly deep and kumbaya and all. But that imperfection is part of it, too. And I think, what can I give? It's not just about what suits me now. It's also, for me, about where GOD is putting me.

 

If you are yielding to His leading, if he is pulling you back from church for a season, to focus you, maybe, or to otherwise teach you in a way you cannot learn in a church community (because you are still in a community, being with your family)--IOW, if you really do have God's permission, then you don't need anyone else's. I would check your motivations and intentions carefully, I would not contradict scripture, I would see wise counsel, and I would pray. If you get the green light, then fine. If you don't, then you will not be in his will.

 

AAaaand that's my $1.50. 'Cause it was WAY too long to be just 2 cents! :laugh:

 

 

[Luanne]

I wish I could join or form a home-church.   I find the act of attending an organized church tiring and not helpful.  To me, if you can't find a church where you are being fed spiritually, then what is the point in going.  My daughter and I have visited numerous churches in our area and haven't found one we feel comfortable in.  My daughter works on Sundays which also makes it difficult to attend. Fortunately, the only person who was always telling us when need to get into a church was my father (who passed away May 22).  The rest of my family knows my daughter and I are Christians and know we don't have to attend a church on a regular basis to prove it to them.  I have found that there are way more people attending church who think they are a Christian than those who don't go to church and actually are a Christian.  Going to church doesn't automatically make one a Christian.

[trulycrabby]

"For where two or three gather in my name, there I am with them."

 

Mathew 18:20

 

I would mention this verse to any judgemental folks who think you are not honouring Him.

[Mandylubug]

Thank you everyone for the encouraging words and other's opinions. I do appreciate all points of view. I am quite confident in this choice, as we have gradually became clear in how we see our "religious" preferences.

 

I suppose looking at it now, it is just like explaining homeschooling. There is that anxiety of having to explain our decisions "yet again" and I have honestly not been honest with some of my newest of friends. I am having a guilt trip over it and I need to "confess" to them that we actually do not intend to meet in a church on Sunday mornings. I have responded we are "between" churches most of the time and that just isn't fully honest. That guilt is weighing on me and each time they invite me to their services I cringe. So, I need to be truthful. I really cherish their friendships, though and I am just paranoid of ruining a good friendship. DH has encouraged me that true friends will be understanding and not judge. So, I will confess the entire truth the next time the opportunity arises. 

 

I do want to clear up that we don't consider just our home-school co-op as our fellowship with other Christian's. We also discuss topics, sermons that we have watched online from local churches, devotions and the like with another family that feels the same as we do. And this doesn't include our highly Christian rooted extended family and friends that we interact with constantly. With DH working odd days off and odd hours, we just don't mesh with the typical church schedule and that was the first reason it spawned us to seek another method. We then struggled with our kids having different learning abilities and Sunday School and Wednesday night services opened up a painful experience for some (Dyslexia and ADHD). We found that we were reteaching the lessons taught in Sunday School and Wednesday nights so that they grasped it to participate the following week.

 

Anyway, that was just a brief overview of how we became interested in seeking alternatives. We have prayed about it, we have forced ourselves to many churches and it just doesn't fit for us. Not right now. It has fit for us in the past, though. I expect it may fit for us again in the future.

[milovany]

I know your background is Protestant (based on what you wrote).  In your visits to other churches, did you visit Christian churches that are not?  (Thinking Orthodox or Catholic.) We *never* thought we'd be liturgical ancient-faith Christians, but after our foray into so many different areas of Protestantism (which were not liturgical and "old" meant about 100 years, LOL), we gave it a shot. We were weary trying to figure Christianity out in our heads, and just wanted to *worship God*.  Boy, howdy, talk about waking UP our faith.  That's what made the huge difference for us, and our entire family embraced the change. (YMMV of course!).

[Mandylubug]

I know your background is Protestant (based on what you wrote).  In your visits to other churches, did you visit Christian churches that are not?  (Thinking Orthodox or Catholic.) We *never* thought we'd be liturgical ancient-faith Christians, but after our foray into so many different areas of Protestantism (which were not liturgical and "old" meant about 100 years, LOL), we gave it a shot. We were weary trying to figure Christianity out in our heads, and just wanted to *worship God*.  Boy, howdy, talk about waking UP our faith.  That's what made the huge difference for us, and our entire family embraced the change. (YMMV of course!).

We have stuck within the Protestant faith group so far. 

[ktgrok]

We have stuck within the Protestant faith group so far. 

 

I agree with the idea of at least trying, at some point, a non protestant church. Not like you should run out and do it today, lol, but at some point, if only for the experience. It's....different in a way I can't quite explain. It isn't about us, at all. It's not really about learning, or what not....it's about turning away from us and towards something bigger. It may fit where Protestant services didn't. Also, children are welcome with the family in church, so no Sunday school to undo or redo, and no one will give you the stink eye about bringing kids. And although Orthodox services are otherwordly and amazingly beautiful, Catholic's have the advantage of having so many different service times....my parish has a Saturday evening service at 5pm, then Sunday at 8am, 10am, 12 noon, and 5:30pm. Makes it a LOT easier to get there :)

 

Not trying to convert you, I promise, just hearing that other stuff doesn't fit, and that you are very open minded, and thinking you might enjoy the experience, if nothing else, as a topic for discussion at home. 

[hillfarm]

I think it is fine to take some time off from organized religion if you need to, but I would not spin the truth in how you describe it to others. "We are taking some time off from organized religion. Thank you for asking and we would be honored if you remember us in prayer."

 

The one thing I have seen in my experience (and I don't know you, so this may not apply even one tiny bit in your case) is that many Christians who begin to isolate themselves and avoid contact with other Christians often find that their beliefs begin to slide in some rather unorthodox directions, without the leveling influence of other Christians to help them retain balance. I get very nervous when I hear someone say that they have found that they can do church at home by themselves just as well as they can in a congregation of others.

 

I researched it once and found that there were over 125 different kinds of Baptists in the US. Perhaps you could find some other denomination that would practice their faith in a way that resonates more with your current beliefs. You might also consider United Brethern or some of the other "old fashioned" denominations that people rarely hear about these days.

[almondbutterandjelly]

Just like you say "We homeschool," when asked what school your children attend, you can just way "We homechurch."  You may get follow up questions, like What is that?  (just like you would for homeschooling) and you can either explain or pass the bean dip.

 

 

[Luanne]

I think it is fine to take some time off from organized religion if you need to, but I would not spin the truth in how you describe it to others. "We are taking some time off from organized religion. Thank you for asking and we would be honored if you remember us in prayer."

 

The one thing I have seen in my experience (and I don't know you, so this may not apply even one tiny bit in your case) is that many Christians who begin to isolate themselves and avoid contact with other Christians often find that their beliefs begin to slide in some rather unorthodox directions, without the leveling influence of other Christians to help them retain balance. I get very nervous when I hear someone say that they have found that they can do church at home by themselves just as well as they can in a congregation of others.

 

I researched it once and found that there were over 125 different kinds of Baptists in the US. Perhaps you could find some other denomination that would practice their faith in a way that resonates more with your current beliefs. You might also consider United Brethern or some of the other "old fashioned" denominations that people rarely hear about these days.

 

What you say is probably true in some cases.  I think that people who aren't strong Christians to begin with will probably slide regardless.  The mega church my daughter and I used to attend seems to be sliding as a group.  They have gotten away from why they were called to be there in the first place.  I don't think attending a church like that is any better than just living your Christian life on your own.  I think to survive all that is thrown at Christians these days, whether you go to church or not, you have to be a strong Christian to not slide.

 

[Guest inoubliable]

I don't really have a dog in this fight, but I wanted to say that I hope you find something that works for you. I got a little sad reading through this and seeing that people of faith can't be satisfied with their own personal faith and instead full of judging and "correcting" and warnings. :(

[Nemom]

"For where two or three gather in my name, there I am with them."

 

Mathew 18:20

 

I would mention this verse to any judgemental folks who think you are not honouring Him.

I was going to mention this verse too. Telling someone they have to be in a church building every Sunday is just burdensome and legalistic. Christ lives in us-not a stale building.

[Saddlemomma]

OP, I know exactly how you feel.

 

We have always been involved in our church, especially DH because he's so good with kids.  However, when we moved to ME, we were invited to a FW Baptist church (never attended one before).  We started attending regularly, quickly became members, and we both got heavily involved in the children's church, worship, and SS.  Slowly, over the years, we began to realize that we didn't agree with several of their teachings.  We were changing (especially me). 

 

Due to several life situations that arose during these years, how we saw God intervening in those situations, and through some serious questioning and researching (including going back to the Gospels), we realized we were becoming more reformed in our thinking of Christianity.  We don't subscribe completely to Calvinism, but we realized that the American church has moved severely away from the original teachings of Jesus Christ.  So many things that are taught as doctrine in churches today are never mentioned in the Gospels or by the church fathers in extra-biblical texts, or the Bible is taken way out of context. In short, after reading and researching, I felt totally betrayed by "the church" and it's leaders. 

 

I was the first one to show some discontent with our church home.  My DH asked me to show him what was bothering me.  Now you have to realize that I became a Christian in 2000. My DH has been a Christian pretty much his entire life.  I consider him my mentor.  So, to show him how I felt we were being led astray was kind of a role reversal and made me worry about how he'd take it.

 

I showed him my research and the things I found.  He was just as stunned as I was.  It was a bitter pill to swallow, but everything made so much more sense with the Gospels than ever before.  Now DH would not just capitulate to pacify me.  He chewed on everything and prayed about it for a while, as did I.  In the end, we knew we were on the right track.

 

Next, because we homeschool and do Bible at home, DD (then 7) was more advanced in her SS class.  I was told that she really should be moved up to a higher class.  However, our church had a strict policy about class ages and the appropriateness of material.  Since I was also a SS teacher, I had to obey by the rules and told DD's SS teacher the same thing.  DD's SS teacher then proceeded to tell me that DD was actually helping her to teach the class.  When she would explain things and the students didn't understand the concept, DD would interpret for her in a simpler way so the kids would understand.  This just boggled our minds. DD became very bored in SS and in Children's Church.

 

Shortly thereafter, we just couldn't take the ridiculous rules or fire & brimstone, spittle flying sermons anymore and left on good terms.  However, the whole thing left a bitter taste in our mouths.  I know not all Baptist churches are like the one we attended; no offense to any Baptists out there :001_smile:, but I could not make myself step into another one as our home church (and, unfortunately, the churches in the County are primarily Baptist). 

 

We now belong to a much larger church 45 mins. away.  We will not become members of our new church; we blend into the congregation; we do some minor volunteering (baking cookies, watching nursery once in a while, and DH & DD do puppet ministry), but nothing major because we live too far away, and we like it that way.  We have no interest in getting into the politics of church or leadership ever again.  Now we enjoy worship time and glean the meat that we can and throw away the bones.  I still consider going to church important, but on Christ's terms -- not those of the church ruling class.  We're there to worship Christ - not the Elders, not the Pastor, and not the congregation.

 

 

[1GirlTwinBoys]

We go to church because I want to and feel it's important to get prepared and fed for the week ahead of me.  To get this, you really have to enjoy where you go I think.  We go to a very large church in our area that is growing like crazy.  It's important for us that our children make friends with other children that they will share something in common with as far as their faith.   

[KRG]

When so many churches(and especially in our area) have basically become entertainment venues I don't think we are the ones that are luke-warm or slipping in our beliefs.

One of the last churches we visited the pastor was so excited to share with us that they would be installing a strobe light to use during the 'worship' service.  We never went back.

[HS Mom in NC]

I agree that considering a different denomination may be worthwhile for the OP.  I went from some Arminian (sp?) doctrines to some (not all)  Calvinist ones. Southern Baptist Churches are Arminian (I grew up in SB churches)  not Calvinist when it comes to the doctrine of election.  I don't believe people who hold to Arminian teachings are misleading people intentionally, they just have a sincerely different views on election than those with Calvinist views on election.  My convictions, when I read Scripture for myself when it comes to issues related to election, are that Calvin was right on election (not everything.) 

[RanchGirl]

Mandyluvbug, we are in a similar season.  It is not going over well with some people in dh's family, but I think that says more about them than it does about us.  I would answer those questions with "Dh and I feel called to do church at home right now".  It doesn't mean it's forever, and it doesn't mean you're abandoning your faith, it means exactly what is happening - you're living your faith and teaching it to your children in the way you see fit.  If right now, that is not as part of a larger church body, that's fine - and it's your decision.

 

I think warnings about losing the faith and suggestions for trying new churches are well-intentioned but not what the OP is looking for.  If people leave the church and are observed to become "lukewarm", who's to say which came first?  Did they leave because they were not "on fire" anyway?  If someone's faith is dependent on weekly attendance, was it that real to begin with ?

 

Furthermore, In many cases, the obnoxious politics and hypocritical, judgmental behavior encountered in a church push people away.  If church is working for you, that's totally fabulous.  But please don't assume that someone is a lesser Christian than you if their faith is lived out differently.

[Reefgazer]

Maybe the people who left were inclined to drift away from Christianity anyway, and the home-churching was just a way of breaking those ties.  You know, it was the cause of the legalistic phase and spiritual drought, not the result.

 

Anyway, I am in a similar situation now as OP, for different reasons.  We go to a mainline protestant church and we got a new minister last year.  She is a sweet person and nice minister, but I feel I am being pressured to serve on committees and take on extra stuff that really does not speak to my inclinations (direct volunteer work with charities).  I want to walk away because I am annoyed with administrative over-load and constantly feel that I am being pressured to do things I do not have adequate time for and/or think are a waste of time, but I like going weekly and the fellowship at this particular church.

I'm sorry. I just know that most people I know who left church (this happens a lot because we don't have many good churches here) stop reading their bible completely and are spiritually starved. It makes me sad. We went to a home church for a while and became extremely legalistic. We're still recovering.

 

[Zebra]

Mandyluvbug, we are in a similar season.  It is not going over well with some people in dh's family, but I think that says more about them than it does about us.  I would answer those questions with "Dh and I feel called to do church at home right now".  It doesn't mean it's forever, and it doesn't mean you're abandoning your faith, it means exactly what is happening - you're living your faith and teaching it to your children in the way you see fit.  If right now, that is not as part of a larger church body, that's fine - and it's your decision.

 

I think warnings about losing the faith and suggestions for trying new churches are well-intentioned but not what the OP is looking for.  If people leave the church and are observed to become "lukewarm", who's to say which came first?  Did they leave because they were not "on fire" anyway?  If someone's faith is dependent on weekly attendance, was it that real to begin with ?

 

Furthermore, In many cases, the obnoxious politics and hypocritical, judgmental behavior encountered in a church push people away.  If church is working for you, that's totally fabulous.  But please don't assume that someone is a lesser Christian than you if their faith is lived out differently.

 

Yes, exactly.