Have you ever hired a mother's helper?

[Aspasia]

I'm drowning over here. It isn't so much the housework and logistics. Somehow, miraculously, I'm pulling off the basics every day--house is clean, meals are on the table, and people have clean clothes. I'm drowning emotionally. Life with all of these little people--the relentlessness of it all--is just very draining. Dh works long hours and has a long commute. He's never home before 8 pm, after the kids are in bed. We don't live near family. Basically, I'm on the hook for all of it: all the housekeeping, the parenting, the schooling, etc. I move from one urgent situation to another all day long--baby's hungry, toddler put toothpaste in the CD player, dd7 needs help with math, baby needs a new diaper, toddler flooded the kitchen with the water dispenser on the fridge, ds4 is screaming at toddler for taking his toy, toddler needs a new diaper, etc. For twelve hours. People whining, complaining, needing food, fighting...just NEEDING me. Even just the incessant talking is exhausting me. At least once every day, I sneak out to the porch just to be in a quiet place for a few minutes.

 

I'm thinking of hiring a mother's helper or maybe a straight up babysitter to come over for a few hours once a week, just so I can BREATHE. Maybe a homeschooled teen or a college student. What is reasonable pay for a situation like this? Four kids, seven and under. But I would probably take the baby with me if I were to leave, at least for now since she's only a month old.

 

Have any of you ever done this? Did it help? (What exactly does a mother's helper do?)

 

ETA: We live in the DC metro area, just for rate info.

[RebeccaS]

I have no advice, but  :grouphug:  :grouphug: .  My oldest was not quite 3 when my third one was born and my dh worked long hours.  I understand.   :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Loowit]

I have not, but my MIL took them for a couple hours once a week for art class when they were younger so I did get a break most weeks.  If I had the money when my kids were little I may have looked into a mother's helper.

 

My DD was a mother's helper.  My SIL (DH's brother's wife) hired her when she was 12 to come over and play with her cousin for a few hours once a week so she could get a break.  She traded horse riding time for it.  Mostly DD played with cousin in the house/yard while her aunt got a chance to work on housework and took care of other things she wanted to work on, but she was still around if something had come up.  SIL loved having DD come over and was sad when they moved away and DD couldn't do it anymore.

 

I am not sure what a reasonable amount to offer would be.  I think it varies a lot by region, age, and if you are planning to be home the whole time or leave them in charge while you go out.  You could look around for ads offering the service and see what they charge in your area to get a better idea.

[OneStepAtATime]

Yes, do it.  Get your sanity back.  And don't feel guilty.  They will all be happier and your family stronger if you yourself feel stronger and happier.  Do interviews.  Do research.  Make certain you are hiring someone you are comfortable with.  Have them help out with the kids while you are still in the home for while until you are comfortable.  And make certain you are very clear on expectations, routines, what is and isn't allowed.  Write down instructions so there are no misunderstandings.

[AimeeM]

I haven't, but I'm listening in, as it's something I'm considering. DH wants to hire a housekeeper once a week or so, but I'm more inclined to hire a mother's helper. I'm not sure it's feasible for us, though, as the child who needs to be "helped" (lol) would hear me in the small house and do nothing but scream the entire time :P

 

:glare:

[Caroline]

I think you should do it. I would pay $10/hour, but it seems on other babysitting threads that I over pay. But make sure she isn't going to cause you more urgent situations when you come home. You need someone good, not someone who is going to make a mess and headache. Does that make sense?

 

Aimee, get a housekeeper. My DH made me do it a couple of years ago, and it has been miraculous. I am not exaggerating. She had hand surgery last week and cannot work for three months. I am sure I will celebrate when she comes back to work.

[bettyandbob]

One of the best things I did. It's been years so I can't quote rates. I got a neighbor who was young -- 12. He did mother's helper once a week and then became our only babysitter until he graduated college. We all loved having him. I remember when oldest was 13 he asked when T would be home to babysit. I was only getting sitters when oldest wasn't around at that point. I guess he wasn't paying attention. Anyway, from then on I asked T to come early to visit with oldest before oldest and I left. T invented great games. I think having someone a little young helped with him playing with the kids and he kt playing with them when he graduated to babysitting.

[Farrar]

I tried, but I found it hard to keep anyone.  In general, because we only wanted limited hours, we found it hard to get anyone when my boys were little.

 

Babysitting is expensive around here (around here also being DC for me).  I haven't been able to find teenagers who babysit.  Where are they?

[SadieMarie]

I am in a university town and put ads on the U's jobs website. Some were great and some were good. I never had bad experiences with college students. I think it helped that I worked around their class schedules. But it was helpful. I also just had one quiet, well behaved child. My dh was traveling a lot at the time and I just needed a break once in a while.

[GinaPagnato]

We had a wonderful teenage girl who lived on our street. She used to come over two afternoons a week from 4-6:30. Dh never made it home before 8 pm, either, so I feel you.

 

I paid her $10 per day, so basically $20 per week for the BEST 5 hours of my life, lol! Seriously, it was wonderful. The kids loved her, and she legitimately enjoyed playing with them, making up silly games, coloring with them, that sort of thing.

 

I wouldn't necessarily think the person would have to be an older teen. Even a responsible 12 or 13 year old girl who is good with kids can manage to play with your crew while you're in the house.

 

Good luck---I SO understand how you're feeling. Now my kids are all teens, and I can hardly believe I made it this long! 

[PrairieSong]

We have seven, so there was a time when I had lots of littles. I felt overwhelmed sometimes and my dh did not work the long hours yours does. I would definitely look into hiring a mother's helper if I were in your shoes!

 

Do the little ones nap at the same time in the afternoon? If so, I would send the older non-nappers to their rooms for a quiet time with activities like reading, listening to audio books, anything that isn't noisy or rambunctious. Then you use that time to refuel, whatever that means for you. Put your feet up, read, do your nails, phone a friend, read the WTM boards, etc.

 

Good luck finding someone who is a good fit for your family!

[momacacia]

I've done $10/hr but that seems to be what babysitting is in the area. You could start at $8 for someone younger and can always pay more in you're impressed.

 

I've had girls fold laundry, clean bathrooms, wipe up the kitchen and stove and clean up kitchen/ do dishes and feed kids. Be very detailed in what you want, list projects with details and keep expectations of cleaning abilities realistic. If the baby is up I don't expect other work to get done as I expect his safety to be #1, but if I know she'll be there over naptime I give her assignments and include things the holders can help with (folding towels etc). Make everyone expectations for what gets done VERY clear, both to kids and helper. And, be aware that kids will likely fall in love with helper and it's hard to tear them away to do schoolwork if helper is in the house. :-/

[FaithManor]

Yes, when I had three little boys and dd while owning an active music studio. She was one of my piano students, 13 years of age, who was great with my kids and wanted to earn some cash. She came over from 3-5:30 p.m. M, T, and Th during the school year with ample time off around the holidays and school breaks. I paid her about $7.00 an hour. She kept the kids busy, got the youngest down for a nap, watched whatever was in the oven or the crockpot for dinner, made the evening salad, and did a little picking up, sometimes doing dishes for me. In our area, kids that age couldn't get much for jobs and she loved making that money.

[TeenagerMom]

My DD14 makes around $5 an hour as a Mother's Helper when Mom is there for 1 baby, 1 toddler, 1 Kindy kid and 2 10+ kids. She makes $10 an hour sitting for my brother on date night for 3 kids ages 8+. She makes $12ish a day for an 8 yr old for 6 hours plus supervising the 11 yr old so $25 a week for that family but it is a regular gig.

[Aspasia]

I tried, but I found it hard to keep anyone.  In general, because we only wanted limited hours, we found it hard to get anyone when my boys were little.

 

Babysitting is expensive around here (around here also being DC for me).  I haven't been able to find teenagers who babysit.  Where are they?

Our next door neighbor (15) has babysat for us a couple times, but her dad told us the other day that she's just too busy with track and cheer. We thought that was weird, because babysitting for us is only a few hours every month or two so we can go out to dinner or something. We are wondering if maybe she hated it or something, but she mostly just watched a movie with them and they went to bed (quite easily). And we paid handsomely. I don't get it.

[Farrar]

Threads like this always make me depressed.  I've never been able to find anyone for less than about $20 an hour.  That's just the going rate here.

 

It does seem like teenagers are just not at all interested in babysitting now.

[matrips]

I haven't, but my friend has had one from the time her boys were born. (Also in DC) She was a stay at home mom whose kids went to school from age 2.5yo. She only had the two kids. The girl would come after school, sometimes on the weekends, and sometimes for a week or weekend if she went out of town. She'd help with meals, baths, sorting through photos, whatever needed to be done. We couldn't afford one, but I know it would have been nice. She always got college students. I think they'd paid a decent rate though; it wasn't cheap. Marymount?

[dirty ethel rackham]

Dd was a mothers' helper starting at 10 years old.  A neighbor who runs a daycare out of her home hired her to come do projects and crafts with the 2 preschoolers once a week so that my friend had more time to attend to the 2 babies in her care.  (She only had 4 kids one or two days a week - the rest of the time, she had 3.)  Dd earned $10 for two hours worth of work.  This also led to babysitting jobs since she had such a highly regarded reference.  Whenever dd sees these kids out in public, they remember her:). 

 

I did hire a mothers' helper when my boys were small and I was studying for a certification - I needed uninterrupted time to study.  I think I paid $5 for 2 hours, but this was probably 17 years ago. 

[maize]

Yes! I've had a mother's helper for most of the past year and it has been wonderful. I hired a 15 year old homeschooled girl, she comes in for two hours twice a week and cleans. Really she would do whatever I asked, help with the littles or do laundry or even cook-- but the cleaning is my least favorite responsibility so that is mostly what she does. I pay $9 per hour, decent money for a teenager where I live.

[Ausmumof3]

Not me, but friends have. I have kids your three oldest age minus the baby, and if you are keeping up with everything you are doing amazingly well. I struggle even with mine. I'd go for it if you can afford it and find someone.

 

The two friends I know who have had different experiences. One girl had a pretty efficient helper so she had to have jobs lined up for when she came around. The other found that even with the helper there the kids tended to come to her by default so it didn't work that well unless they were babysit apart from her.

[MyLittleWonders]

I have one and love her. She is a college student, and we found her because she's the older sister of one of dh's students this year. She loves my kids, though she was hired to keep dd (3 ½ with Down syndrome) occupied while I got a couple hours a couple times a week just with the three boys. She did early learning stuff, took her out back to play, and keep her out of trouble. Now that our year has wound down, I still have her coming over, often leaving all four kids with her so I can run errands. She's also our babysitter, and we plan on keeping her through the summer so dh and I can get out once or twice a week for a couple hours. We pay her $10/hour. I asked her flat out and she said she gets between $8 and $10 for babysitting. Ten is easier as I pay her by the hour. She's great, her mom is great, and like I said, she loves my quirky kids. Oh, and she was homeschooled and said she loves being back in that environment.

[Aspasia]

Threads like this always make me depressed.  I've never been able to find anyone for less than about $20 an hour.  That's just the going rate here.

 

It does seem like teenagers are just not at all interested in babysitting now.

$20 an hour??? I'm in the wrong business! Honestly, who do these kids think they are? They don't have the credentials for $20 an hour for babysitting. (Does anyone?)

[Farrar]

$20 an hour??? I'm in the wrong business! Honestly, who do these kids think they are? They don't have the credentials for $20 an hour for babysitting. (Does anyone?)

 

Dude.  Go post that on DCUrbanMoms and see how it goes over.  I double dare you.   :tongue_smilie:

[Shellydon]

Yes!  I hired a homeschooled teen that lived close by to come over fro 2 hours twice a week.  She watched my 18 month old and 4 year old for nearly 2 years.  I paid $5.00 an hour.  She earned a little spending money, learned how to babysit and was able to branch out with sitting when she went to college.

[Arcadia]

$20 an hour??? I'm in the wrong business! Honestly, who do these kids think they are? They don't have the credentials for $20 an hour for babysitting. (Does anyone?)

It's about $16 and up here and more than $20 in SF but cost of housing is crazy.

 

A friend's 7th grade daughter earns money babysitting with helping oversee the children complete school homework. She also does English tutoring for elementary school kids.

[HappyClassical]

This is what I find - if I can keep up with all the housework and meal making and grocery shipping, then the kids are more overwhelming. If I keep up with the kids, the house work suffers some - but the kids are happy. For that reason, I prefer the housekeeper. I have one once a week, and where I live it costs 80-100 for that one day which is usually about 4-6 hours of cleaning.

 

At one point, we decided to get a mothers helper but I wasn't planning to ever leave my kids alone with her. It lasted two weeks before I let her go bc I just didn't want her there. Besides that I just missed the housekeeper who came in and out and made the home easy for me to maintain the rest of the week. Mothers helpers in my area (South Florida) are cheaper than nannies or babysitters because you are usually there with a MH, and their pay depends on how many hours. For a few hours a week, it would be in the range of 15-30 dollars here. Towards the higher end because of having multiple younger children. You can use care.com to screen applicants and conduct background checks if this is something you think you will want long term.

 

My husband works a lot as well but instead of coming home extremely late, he works Saturday as well. I now have a few hours per week where I can do whatever I want while he watches kids. Maybe manicure, hair cut, solitary grocery shopping, sewing or just taking a nap. It's a couple hours and it's only once a week but it's a blessing!

 

Everything will work out for you.

[mamakelly]

My 12 year old daughter has a job as a mothers helper. She plays with the toddler, does small chores (sweeps, mops, cleans up toys), goes on errands with the mom to make it a little easier etc...She gets paid $5 an hour. 

[Rachel]

This thread has me longing for a mothers helper.

[Alicia64]

Yes, when my twins were born I mentioned to my own my mom that I was planning on hiring a "night nurse." She pouted for half a second and said, "but I thought I'd do that." She and I didn't have much of a relationship so I was really touched.

 

Yeah, that lasted one night and DH and I were on our own.

 

So fairly quickly I hired a girl in her early 20's who came in three nights a week so I could sleep.

 

We eventually moved her to day times. I never left my babies with her even though she was very good with them. In fact, I learned a ton about babies from her!

 

When she moved on after about 8 mo. we hired another wonderful girl. Another girl who, again, taught me a load about babies. Funny when you think of it.

 

They became kind of like friends at the time -- even though I was their moms' age!

 

I highly recommend -- it saved my sanity when my two were infants on up to about 18 mo. (I know, I sound like a wimp, women on TWTM seem to handle much more, but these were my first and I was exhausted and clueless!!)

 

Edited to add: these were young women in their 20's. I tried interviewing young teens who thought it was delightful to sit quietly on the couch holding a baby. That's not what I needed. My two helpers would tidy up, prep bottles, let the dogs out, whatever. They were really willing to take direction. But don't get me wrong: I didn't abuse it.

 

Alley

[FO4UR]

For a short time, last summer, and it was wonderful!

 

She was 15yo, and I only had her come for 2-3 hrs at a time, a few times a week.  I had her help the kids clean their rooms, organize the toy room, or just play while I worked on other things or napped with the baby.

 

 

I want to do it again.  The kids enjoyed it as she was a fun teenager who lavished attention.  She enjoyed it too, I think, and the $ was nice b/c she was too young to get a real job...and I gave her more than min. wage (though few hours).  

 

 

I say, "Do it!"  With kids at those ages, I would have someone come from about 4-7.  That's the time of day where it's SO hard for me b/c I'm tired.  An extra pair of hands to help make sure kids toys are put away, dishes are done, floors are swept, kids are bathed and jammied,etc...and you might make to 8pm (when your dh gets home) with a smidgen of energy to relax with him.

 

 

 

[nd293]

Dd13 has worked as a mother's helper for several families. Generally she plays with the children (aged 3-7) for a few hours and, perhaps more than anything, referees between siblings! She usually takes a big bag of stuff from our house so there are 'new' things for the kids to play with - board and card games, water balloons, a soft ball, bean bags and books are some favourites. All of the mothers work from home, and need a little time without the children constantly interrupting.

 

At the moment is she working for our neighbour once a week for 1.5 hrs. With this family she generally helps with housework, mostly folding laundry and vacuuming. The child is younger, 2.5 yrs, and she either adores my dd who can then play with her and bath her, or she only wants her mother, and won't be distracted - they've learned not to fight that, and just to go with the flow.

 

Dd has been asking $6 an hour. That's Australian - as a reference point, babysitting through an agency costs $25/hr, university students with some childcare experience $20. I assume that if she were older and alone with the children she'd be asking $15, so $6 seemed fair for what she is doing, especially as she was still 12 when she started. This gives her $15 for 2.5hrs of 'work' she finds enjoyable. Everyone seems happy with the arrangement.

[Aspasia]

This is what I find - if I can keep up with all the housework and meal making and grocery shipping, then the kids are more overwhelming. If I keep up with the kids, the house work suffers some - but the kids are happy. For that reason, I prefer the housekeeper. I have one once a week, and where I live it costs 80-100 for that one day which is usually about 4-6 hours of cleaning.

 

There is definitely some truth to this for me. But when the housework suffers, I just generally feel out of sorts and life feels out of control. I hate that. And a housekeeper wouldn't help with the daily stuff. The dishes, laundry, meals, and tidying up are the things I'm actually spending my time on right now.

[shanvan]

There is definitely some truth to this for me. But when the housework suffers, I just generally feel out of sorts and life feels out of control. I hate that. And a housekeeper wouldn't help with the daily stuff. The dishes, laundry, meals, and tidying up are the things I'm actually spending my time on right now.

I don't have 4 kids or a newborn, but this is how I feel too.  Still, I've (mostly) made my peace with the idea that my house is going to be rough around the edges while homeschooling.  

 

I used to think Dc would be able to take on a lot of the chores when they got older.  To some extent they do, (Ds did all of the outdoor trimming yesterday) but when they get older the coursework is harder, takes more time, and then they get jobs that pay, so they have even less time for household chores.  

 

I wish I could send my Dd to help you out.  She would love to be a mother's helper.  Do you have a homeschooling group nearby or a local yahoo group or something where you could post a job description?

[Andani]

We have seven, so there was a time when I had lots of littles. I felt overwhelmed sometimes and my dh did not work the long hours yours does. I would definitely look into hiring a mother's helper if I were in your shoes!

 

Do the little ones nap at the same time in the afternoon? If so, I would send the older non-nappers to their rooms for a quiet time with activities like reading, listening to audio books, anything that isn't noisy or rambunctious. Then you use that time to refuel, whatever that means for you. Put your feet up, read, do your nails, phone a friend, read the WTM boards, etc.

 

Good luck finding someone who is a good fit for your family!

 

Quiet time is life-saving for me! After lunch it's nap/ quiet time and everyone goes away for an hour-- to his room or outside.  It's a break for me as well as the children. By now it's routine and no one argues about it.

 

I'd set up quiet time right away; that will give you a breather while you're deciding about a helper or sitter.

 

Best wishes as you find the best strategy for your family!

[Camelfeet]

I hired a cleaner for 4 hours a day, 4 days a week.  We lasted 4 weeks and it was a glorious thing.  She didn't interact with the kids, but she did all the housework and some cooking.  It really made life better, and if it wasn't illegal and/or a hassle, I'd consider having another cleaner.  I had some guilt - like, I'm a stay at home in a small apartment and my kids are older, I shouldn't need a cleaner.  But why not make things easier on yourself, if you can swing it.  You'll be less stressed and will enjoy the time with your children more.  

[Tammi K]

I don't have any advice about hiring a helper but I wanted to give you a cyber-hug and tell you to hang in there. :grouphug:

 

Your situation sounds so much like my life many years ago. We lived in Germany when we had three young ones and then still many miles away from family when we had the fourth. Mine were similar ages to yours.   It is hard! There's no amount of sugar coating that makes it better. That is a lot of little people who need all day long.  Can I suggest that this is the time to breath deep and know that IT WILL GET BETTER. Even when it doesn't feel that way, you will get through it.  And, then you will look back on these days and wonder where it all went. But, until then, lots of hugs! :grouphug:

 

[Kelly1730]

This thread has me longing for a mothers helper.

 

 

It has me longing for a housekeeper :D .

[rmtzc2009]

I hired a mothers helper after I had baby #3.  I wanted an extra set of hands as well as to be able to take the baby to dr appointments without my older two boys coming along.  

 

She was in her mid twenties and had been homeschooled herself.  She didn't have kids and was looking for something to supplement her current work.   A few things that I didn't expect to come up were really challenging for me.  In the interview process I liked her confident personality.  Unfortunately it translated to her being very bossy on the job (with me).  She was always telling me ways I *should* be doing things a certain way my kids.  She had clear ideas of lots of things related to mothering and home life.  What we ate, the kids schedules, dealing with discipline and she was very pushy in letting me know her ways were be.  Even though I told her upfront I was only looking for someone for 3 months after the baby came and part time, she kept pushing to add hours and stay on longer.  I think I paid her 12 or 13 dollars an hour.  I can say I also found it stressful to have an unfamiliar person in my house during those first few months of having a baby.  It was probably because her personality put me more on edge than at ease.

 

So based on my experience my tips would be to interview several people.  Maybe even a trial period before you commit to anything more long term.  Be very clear about your expectations (she gets a list/you get a list) as well as the agreed upon price and schedule.  

 

 

[maize]

There is definitely some truth to this for me. But when the housework suffers, I just generally feel out of sorts and life feels out of control. I hate that. And a housekeeper wouldn't help with the daily stuff. The dishes, laundry, meals, and tidying up are the things I'm actually spending my time on right now.

My mother's helper mostly does dishes, laundry, and tidying up, not deep cleaning.

[BrookValley.]

Yeah, I'm also in the DC area--I work full time from home while wrangling kids (tho only 2) and schooling. I have thought more than once about having someone come in once or twice a week to hang with the kids so I can get some uninterrupted work time and the kids can have someone to entertain them, maybe even for me to go to the office a few hours here and there. But they all want as much or more than *I* make per hour! I just can't justify it. I hope you find someone who works out for you!

[dirty ethel rackham]

I hired a mothers helper after I had baby #3.  I wanted an extra set of hands as well as to be able to take the baby to dr appointments without my older two boys coming along.  

 

She was in her mid twenties and had been homeschooled herself.  She didn't have kids and was looking for something to supplement her current work.   A few things that I didn't expect to come up were really challenging for me.  In the interview process I liked her confident personality.  Unfortunately it translated to her being very bossy on the job (with me).  She was always telling me ways I *should* be doing things a certain way my kids.  She had clear ideas of lots of things related to mothering and home life.  What we ate, the kids schedules, dealing with discipline and she was very pushy in letting me know her ways were be.  Even though I told her upfront I was only looking for someone for 3 months after the baby came and part time, she kept pushing to add hours and stay on longer.  I think I paid her 12 or 13 dollars an hour.  I can say I also found it stressful to have an unfamiliar person in my house during those first few months of having a baby.  It was probably because her personality put me more on edge than at ease.

 

So based on my experience my tips would be to interview several people.  Maybe even a trial period before you commit to anything more long term.  Be very clear about your expectations (she gets a list/you get a list) as well as the agreed upon price and schedule.  

 

Oh, my!  It sounds like you hired a mother-in-law from h-e-double hockey sticks rather than a mothers' helper!

 

[AimeeM]

Yikes. The minute an employee told me that things would be done her way, or started giving unsolicited, pushy advice about eating and discipline, she would see the door. You have much more patience than I have.

I hired a mothers helper after I had baby #3.  I wanted an extra set of hands as well as to be able to take the baby to dr appointments without my older two boys coming along.  

 

She was in her mid twenties and had been homeschooled herself.  She didn't have kids and was looking for something to supplement her current work.   A few things that I didn't expect to come up were really challenging for me.  In the interview process I liked her confident personality.  Unfortunately it translated to her being very bossy on the job (with me).  She was always telling me ways I *should* be doing things a certain way my kids.  She had clear ideas of lots of things related to mothering and home life.  What we ate, the kids schedules, dealing with discipline and she was very pushy in letting me know her ways were be.  Even though I told her upfront I was only looking for someone for 3 months after the baby came and part time, she kept pushing to add hours and stay on longer.  I think I paid her 12 or 13 dollars an hour.  I can say I also found it stressful to have an unfamiliar person in my house during those first few months of having a baby.  It was probably because her personality put me more on edge than at ease.

 

So based on my experience my tips would be to interview several people.  Maybe even a trial period before you commit to anything more long term.  Be very clear about your expectations (she gets a list/you get a list) as well as the agreed upon price and schedule.