Article with interesting points about happy people

[ChristyB in TN]

My sweet husband brought this article to my attention and I just love it. I think some of you might like it, too. It's from EliteDaily.com

 

Surprise, surprise… happy people live their lives differently. They don’t have different lives. They just do a better job at living them than those who are unhappy.

 

Happiness is the result of subjective interpretation of perception. Of course, what we perceive isn’t always done so by choice — life does throw things our way.

 

However, most of the time, we find ourselves in the situations we are in because of actions we took and decisions we made. It’s the way that you live your life that largely decides whether or not you will live happily.

 

They don’t bother trying to make others like them — mainly because they don’t care if they’re liked.

They like themselves and they are the only people they ever answer to. You could like them. You could hate them. You could pay them no mind whatsoever — doesn’t make a difference to them.

 

They do what they do because they decided to do it. They aren’t trying to gain your approval or acceptance. They don’t want to be part of your team — they’re a team of their own. They live their lives the way they see fit and if you like them for it, great. If not… then so be it.

 

They do things because they want to do them, not because they believe they have to do them.

They don’t believe they have to do anything. Other than pay taxes and die of course — everything else is a decision followed by deliberate action. If they are doing something, going somewhere, participating in something, it’s because that is exactly what it is that they want to be doing.

 

No one coerced them or tricked them into doing it because they value their opinion above everyone else’s. They do what they believe is right and don’t bother to ask for permission — they just do it.

 

They love their friends but don’t rely on them.

Friends are tricky because they aren’t really yours, are they? You don’t own them. They are their own people who have their own wants and needs — people who will always put themselves ahead of you and your goals. Friends are great to have, but relying on them too heavily will leave you disappointed.

 

Those who live happy lives have very close friends, but they keep their independence in order to avoid those moments. It’s the lack of independence and over-reliance that often comes to ruin friendships — all relationships for that matter.

 

When you ask them what they do, they don’t give you a job title.

They tell you about the things they are doing with their lives — the places they have visited and are planning on visiting. The projects they are starting or part of. The problems they are working towards solving and the communities they are working with to get those problems solved.

 

When you ask them what they do, they respond with what they do in their lives, not what work they do in order to pay for the lives they want to one day be living. The real trick is that these individuals know better than to wait to live the lives they want to live. You live life whether you accept or ignore the fact, how you live it in the moment determines how happy you are.

 

When you ask them where they live, they say, “At the moment…â€

Happy people tend to move around a bit. Maybe it’s because traveling does the soul good. Maybe it’s because the stagnancy of staying in one place their whole lives bores them.

 

Maybe it’s because they love meeting new people and having new experiences. Maybe it’s because they haven’t found the right place to settle down just yet. You see, these individuals see the world as their home — no single country or city. If you ask them where they live, then they’d answer “earth†if they wouldn’t come off sounding highfalutin.

 

They have their own philosophies, their own religion they created and live by.

You don’t need a book to tell you how you ought to live your life. You can live your life by whatever philosophy you wish — as long as you found truths that satisfy you. They have a strong grasp of right and wrong and are their own judges.

 

They embrace their impermanence.

They know they’re only mortal — having this knowledge and accepting it fuels their every step. You will too. Why? Because it is inevitable. There is no way of avoiding it, only dealing with the fact.

 

The happiest of people don’t fear death. They don’t do their best to avoid it. They see it as the inevitability that it is in and live their lives by their terms. They may not be able to control death, but they know they sure as hell can control their own personal lives.

 

They see the world as their playhouse and their mind as the conductor.

They don’t believe there is a single way that the world is — a single reality that exists. Instead, they believe themselves to be the originators of their reality.

 

They believe they have full control over how they interpret what they perceive. They see the world the way they choose to see it because they understand the power such a skill has. We all live in a reality of our own construction. Some of us just construct our realities better than others.

 

They live in the moment, but dream in the future.

Happy people have hopes, dreams and goals. They have wants and aspirations, but they don’t allow themselves to get caught up and lost in them. There isn’t so much a time and place for dreaming as there is a maximum allotted amount recommended.

 

You can’t live life doing nothing more than looking towards the future because you’ll miss the only time that things actually matter or exist: the present. The present, the immediate moment is the only moment that you can actually live in. The rest is only an illusion.

 

They don’t bother changing others, but instead learn how to deal with them appropriately.

Devoting your energy to changing other people is a waste of it. People do change, but they only do so on their own accord. They have to decide to change themselves and that only happens in time — you can’t push and force because it doesn’t work.

 

On the contrary, it often does the opposite of what is intended. Instead of wasting time and energy trying to do the impossible, why not do the next best thing? Learn to deal with people as they are in order to get the result you desire. If you can’t change them, then guide them to do as you wish. Otherwise, let them go.

[Wildcat]

Thanks for sharing!

 

 

[creekland]

Wow... I finally find a posting I agree 99% with!  (And I definitely put myself in that "happy" category.  It's a great place to be IMO - or I wouldn't be here.  ;) )

[Wildcat]

Wow... I finally find a posting I agree 99% with!  (And I definitely put myself in that "happy" category.  It's a great place to be IMO - or I wouldn't be here.   ;) )

 

Us, too. We're very happy people and we definitely relate to most of what was written. I saved it to show dh and the kids.

[6packofun]

Hmm.  So happy people are doing life better.  Honestly, this "article" sounds like the author is basically just describing him/herself.  lol  ;)  Those are the things that make him or her happy, so...they are happy!  And people who have the same values and live their lives that way can tag along and say that's us!  Whew, validation that we're doing life better!

 

I've been thinking about this and, while many of the things stated are nice and good, I still don't find that happiness is the ultimate good.  I find that often it's easier to be self-centered (who cares what anyone thinks?  I don't care about being on your team! etc.) and it FEELS happier because I'm feeding self.  I know that the article is focusing more on mindset and attitudes than actions, but I find myself to be most happy when I am living life with a purpose that is outside of myself!  When I am less focused on me.  Even then, I might describe my life as fulfilled or even content, but not necessarily "happy".  I hate to be a semantics freak; maybe that doesn't make sense to anyone else.  LOL

 

Consequently, I think that those who are more others-centered might fall, statistically, into the less happy group on a shallow quiz or checklist about being happy.  But their lives may be more meaningful, IMO.  Not being selfish is very hard sometimes.  It goes against the grain, our nature.  So it makes sense to me that life doesn't always feel grand and happy and yet can be so very GOOD.

[Excelsior! Academy]

I agree!  It is the same thing with time management.  We all have the same 24 hours, it's how we utilize those hours.  With happiness, we all have our struggles and challenges, it's how we react to those and use them for the betterment of ourselves and others.

[maize]

I'm a happy person, but the article really didn't resonate with me. Honestly, I think I was just born happy. If some kind of neurotransmitter imbalance makes people depressed, I seem to have whatever combination makes people happy.

[Spryte]

Reading that kind of made me feel happy.  :)

[Spryte]

And now I'm thinking of that happy song....

 

Oh, oh!  Nooooo!  Because that song video always pops into my head... And then that morphs into Prancercising!  Aaaaaagggghhhh!!!!!  The visuals, my inner eyes!!!  The camel toe, make it stooooppppp.

[DawnM]

Not to derail the thread at all, but this particular theme has had me thinking lately.  I am always amazed at those who take a very long time to do things that others take very little time to do.

 

I have a friend who says she never has any time, but when she explains what she has done all day I am exhausted listening because I keep thinking I could have saved her 3 hours of time had she used "my way" to do it.

 

But we are VERY different personality wise in many ways.  

 

I agree!  It is the same thing with time management.  We all have the same 24 hours, it's how we utilize those hours.  With happiness, we all have our struggles and challenges, it's how we react to those and use them for the betterment of ourselves and others.

 

[Mrs Mungo]

I find that often it's easier to be self-centered (who cares what anyone thinks?  I don't care about being on your team! etc.) and it FEELS happier because I'm feeding self. 

 <snip>

Consequently, I think that those who are more others-centered might fall, statistically, into the less happy group on a shallow quiz or checklist about being happy.  But their lives may be more meaningful, IMO.  Not being selfish is very hard sometimes.  It goes against the grain, our nature.  So it makes sense to me that life doesn't always feel grand and happy and yet can be so very GOOD.

 

I disagree that not caring about being on someone else's team means that you are self-centered or selfish.

 

Let me give an example. There was a very convuluted situation that I was dealing with. Someone who knew all about it said to me, "I don't understand how you can deal with this and have such a good attitude." I said, "because it's *my* decision to allow it. I could make a different decision, but I'm not going to." I was sacrificing what *I* wanted and going along with something I definitely didn't want to do, but because I was self-aware enough to realize that *I* was making the choice, that allowed me to have a good attitude about it. It doesn't have anything to do with being self-centered. It has to do with being self-aware.

 

 

Lot of introverted characteristics in there I think....

I'm an extrovert and the article resonated with me.

[Mrs Mungo]

I think they are using happy/content as a broad feeling, not a moment to moment thing. Am I sad sometimes? Absolutely. I have had very difficult periods of my life. But I am generally happy. People who are *generally* sad or depressed usually try to reverse that with some combination of meds/therapy/life changes.

[Greta]

I'm a happy person, but the article really didn't resonate with me.

Same here! The article may describe one type or subset of happy people, but not the subset that includes me or most of the happy people that I know.

[Mrs Mungo]

Meds/therapy/life changes aren't options for everyone in this world nor can they transform all causes of unhappiness.

 

I dislike the emphasis on individual responsibility. It's shared, between the individual and her society. If societal factors are decreasing your happiness potential, is it your job to reframe it ie change yourself or would it be more productive to get angry and work to change the root issues ?

False dichotomy. I don't need to become an angry person (which is inherently different than feeling angry as an emotion) in order to work to change my circumstances. If I can't change my circumstances, does getting angry or depressed help?

[Ausmumof3]

Totally agree with the above. I am thinking of Dylan Thomas poem " rage rage against the dying of the light " for some reason. Overall I think peoples mental state is more linked to outside circumstances than we think. Telling people to have a happy mindset and they will be happy is kind of like those relationship advice things that tell you to focus on all the good points in your partner and your relationship will be better. If you have an attitude problem yourself it will help but if you are married to an abusive person it doesn't suddenly change the person but it might make you procrastinate about changing your situation.

 

The bit about they do what they do because that is their decision not because they are seeking your approval. Well we homeschoolers must all be a pretty happy bunch!!!

[Catherine]

IMO it is a matter of temperament, which to some extent is inborn.  I am a generally very content, sanguine person. I have family members that are NOT.  And they attribute their negativity (not saying that is the case for anyone here, only that it is the case with them) to difficult life circumtances.  But another family member in identical circumstances is not at all as critical, negative, and suspicous as they are.  Long way of saying-circumstances play a role, no question, but IMO most of one's day to day mood is temperament, which is partly inborn and partly a chosen response.  Before I matured, I had learned negativity, and it took me years of complaining, criticising, and eventually, therapy!  to stop this.  Once, I did, I was sooooo much happier.  Of course some life circumstances make it hard to be happy.  But I still believe that some of our happiness is a choice. 

[Heidi]

I'm a happy person, yet nothing like what the article describes.

[PrincessMommy]

link??

[DawnM]

I found it.

 

http://elitedaily.com/life/10-things-that-the-people-who-love-their-lives-are-doing-differently/598934/

 

I am currently reading the comments.

 

Overall, this OPINION piece needs some major picking apart as it sounds like it was written by a young person who hasn't had very deep, meaningful relationships, but I don't have time or the patience to pick it all apart right now.

 

I am happy in a great part due to the deep, lasting friendships I have.  I do rely on those friends and they can rely on me.  Loving deeply and being loved deeply is what makes me happy.  I thank God for them.

 

I like the comment about finding more wisdom from a fortune cookie.......but I am cynical that way.

Dawn

 

 

link??

 

[creekland]

Overall I think peoples mental state is more linked to outside circumstances than we think.

 

I totally disagree.  Working at school I see all sorts of "types" coming from all sorts of situations at home, with health, and in life overall. 

 

Some kids are just good natured and happy no matter what life throws at them and they impress everyone around them.  Some have cancer.  Some are on welfare - including those who have been abandoned by their parents.  Others have just "normal" issues.  Yes, they can have a bad day (or two), but they get out of it quickly.  They may get angry at injustice types of things (most do), but it doesn't mean their "life" is angry and bitter.  It's very, very rare that people don't like being around these kids.

 

Then there are those who seem to have everything going for them, yet they'll complain at everything and anything.  Nothing is ever right.  It may be girlfriend/boyfriend issues.  It may be homework issues.  It may be weather issues.  I've had some tell me they don't know what is wrong, they just feel upset.  One has to treat these kids with "kid gloves" and I've often wondered if some sort of therapy would be helpful, but that's not my call.  Sometimes I'll admit to thinking these kids might be this way BECAUSE they've never had anything truly bad to deal with to compare, but again, I don't know.  There are definitely times when I feel like chewing them out over their attitude - and some times I sort of do that in a nice way.  It might at least get them thinking.

 

Then, I consider third world/developing areas.  Most there have practically nothing - an 8x10 house housing many, food is basic, etc, yet many we interact with are in that "happy" state IMO.  It generally floors many first timers to see that.  I'm sure there are others who are not happy.  They likely don't care as much to meet strangers.

 

I don't think "happy" is circumstance related in general.  I've seen too many happy and unhappy people who would defy that stereotype.

 

Happiness is cool, but it is misguided to chase it as a goal imo. It renders one intellectually and empathetically lazy.

 

 

I'll admit I have NOT ever seen this.  Most intellectually and empathetically lazy kids/adults I come across are NOT in what I'd call the "happy" category.  They are often very discontent or getting a false high from drugs/alcohol/video games.  Happy people often aren't workaholics and getting stressed that way, but there are more who are workaholic types than lazy types in that category IME.

 

IMO it is a matter of temperament, which to some extent is inborn.  I am a generally very content, sanguine person. I have family members that are NOT.  And they attribute their negativity (not saying that is the case for anyone here, only that it is the case with them) to difficult life circumtances.  But another family member in identical circumstances is not at all as critical, negative, and suspicous as they are.  Long way of saying-circumstances play a role, no question, but IMO most of one's day to day mood is temperament, which is partly inborn and partly a chosen response.  Before I matured, I had learned negativity, and it took me years of complaining, criticising, and eventually, therapy!  to stop this.  Once, I did, I was sooooo much happier.  Of course some life circumstances make it hard to be happy.  But I still believe that some of our happiness is a choice. 

 

:iagree: This matches my experience too.

[Saddlemomma]

It sounds like relativism to me. No absolute truth - l make my own truth; you make yours. It's all about me.

 

We are very happy people.  We don't have much, we don't travel, and we'll never be able to retire, but we enjoy helping others and sharing what what we do have. That combined with Jesus and each other is what makes us happy.

[creekland]

It sounds like relativism to me. No absolute truth - l make my own truth; you make yours. It's all about me.

 

We are very happy people.  We don't have much, we don't travel, and we'll never be able to retire, but we enjoy helping others and sharing what what we do have. That combined with Jesus and each other is what makes us happy.

 

It's not really relativism, it's tolerance.  Happy people I know are quite content in their beliefs (whether it's religion or if they like sushi or anything in between).  They are also content letting others choose their own beliefs.  They don't need JAWM, even on a thread like this ;) .

 

And your second point is why I only 99% agree with it.  Happy people can travel - or not - as is their preference.  They can have faith and be strong in it (I do/am).  They often help others.  The key is really that they are making their choices based upon how they are wired rather than getting into the rat race (or fashion or whatever) just because society says that is what one MUST do.

 

[DawnM]

CRUD!

 

I have reached my quota of likes for this 24 hour period!  

 

Giving likes makes me happy...........how can I possibly be happy for the next 24 hours if I can't give out likes?

[PrincessMommy]

Thanks for the link Dawn.

 

 

When you ask them where they live, they say, “At the moment…â€

 

okay, I'll say it... that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.  If someone said that to me I'd think they're a total uncommitted flake.   The article breaths - not married, no kids, young adult. 

 

I'll take Matthew and Mirilla Cuthbert's brand of happiness any day.

 

 

[PrincessMommy]

CRUD!

 

I have reached my quota of likes for this 24 hour period!  

 

Giving likes makes me happy...........how can I possibly be happy for the next 24 hours if I can't give out likes?

 

LOL - you'll just have to do it the old fashioned way and quote... with a "like" underneath.   :)

[DawnM]

Like  :laugh:

 

Hey, at least I can get my post count up!

 

 

LOL - you'll just have to do it the old fashioned way and quote... with a "like" underneath.   :)

 

[DawnM]

When I picture John Lennon's life, happiness isn't a characteristic that comes to mind.  

 

But it looks like he didn't say this anyway.

 

http://ianchadwick.com/blog/not-a-john-lennon-quote-just-another-bad-meme/

 

Gracious I have too much time on my hands.  

 

Dawn

 

 

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.â€
John Lennon

 

I'm not saying happiness is the sole goal for life. But I really like that quote.

 

[creekland]

When I picture John Lennon's life, happiness isn't a characteristic that comes to mind.  

 

But it looks like he didn't say this anyway.

 

http://ianchadwick.com/blog/not-a-john-lennon-quote-just-another-bad-meme/

 

Gracious I have too much time on my hands.  

 

Dawn

 

I agree that John Lennon's life is hardly an example of true happiness, so it's good the quote is not actually his.  Nonetheless, it's a neat quote.  ;)

 

[creekland]

okay, I'll say it... that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.  If someone said that to me I'd think they're a total uncommitted flake.   The article breaths - not married, no kids, young adult. 

 

 

Well... I'm married (over 25 years), three kids, not-so-young adult, and I totally get the article and that section of it.  ;) 

 

It's perfectly ok if your image of me is a total uncommitted flake...  :laugh:

 

[Laura Corin]

I am a happy person and that's a fairly good description of me.

 

L

[DawnM]

I find it very trite.  

 

It may come down to semantics, but "happy" is never my goal.  Contentment, satisfaction, joy, true meaning in who you are and what you do are far better goals, IMO.

 

Dawn

 

 

I agree that John Lennon's life is hardly an example of true happiness, so it's good the quote is not actually his.  Nonetheless, it's a neat quote.  ;)
 

 

[creekland]

It may come down to semantics, but "happy" is never my goal.  Contentment, satisfaction, joy, true meaning in who you are and what you do are far better goals, IMO.

 

Dawn

 

I suspect it is semantics.  All of those terms are part of happiness to me.

[Night Elf]

Awww... according to this article, I'm not a happy person. Am I truly the only one? But I don't feel unhappy in my life. I like my life. The only thing I'd change is that I wish I had a good friend, but I haven't had one in years due to my introverted life. I feel bored a lot of the time, but I'm happy. I've made mostly good decisions. I try not to think of my late teens and early adult years when I was just young and did some stupid things. But I have no long term ill effects from them. I think I'm a really neat person.

[DawnM]

Dang it.  I am out of likes.

 

LIKE!  

 

 

Awww... according to this article, I'm not a happy person. Am I truly the only one? But I don't feel unhappy in my life. I like my life. The only thing I'd change is that I wish I had a good friend, but I haven't had one in years due to my introverted life. I feel bored a lot of the time, but I'm happy. I've made mostly good decisions. I try not to think of my late teens and early adult years when I was just young and did some stupid things. But I have no long term ill effects from them. I think I'm a really neat person.

 

[KrissiK]

I do think this article has a lot of merit, though cannot be taken as absolute. Especially the first several ideas, about caring about what people think about you. Those resonate with me, because even at 46 years old I still have an unhealthy need for approval from my parents, and from people in general. I care over much about whether people like me and social situations stress me out because I'm so afraid I'll say something stupid. I have an over-developed sense of responsibility and duty and it does affect my happiness. Circumstantially speaking, I have a very good life, but happiness and contentment constantly elude me because of this, insecurity, or whatever it is called.

[Dory]

I don't shoot for 'happy' in my life. I like having the full range of emotions. I lived for too long in a world where I thought happy was the only exceptable emotion to show. There are things I have learned that give me some inner contentment though.

 

Living for others. Not becoming a doormat, but simply reaching out to other people in the world that need a hand. Allowing myself to be an introvert and take the alone time I need. Good boundaries in my relationships (it kinda gives me a high now to actually manage to keep a boundary when someone pushes). Slow down enough to enjoy where I am and see the beauty in the moment. Eat well, sleep well (probably the two biggest factors in my happiness). I still get angry, I still get sad. I still have flashbacks and nightmares which can send me on a tailspin of emotion in some mild depression, but the overall feeling in my life is contentment with where I am.

 

It sounds strange, but I still say, life sucks, but I'm ok with that. There is enough good sprinkled through it that I feel ok with where I am.

[elegantlion]

Awww... according to this article, I'm not a happy person. Am I truly the only one? But I don't feel unhappy in my life. I like my life. The only thing I'd change is that I wish I had a good friend, but I haven't had one in years due to my introverted life. I feel bored a lot of the time, but I'm happy. I've made mostly good decisions. I try not to think of my late teens and early adult years when I was just young and did some stupid things. But I have no long term ill effects from them. I think I'm a really neat person.

 

Kind of the opposite here

 

According the article, I should be a happy person, but I'm not, but if you're around me, you'll never know it. I fake it around most people. I am content with myself, not content with my life - are those all circumstances of my making? Some, but not all because some of them involved my trust in other people I SHOULD have been able to trust. 

 

If I felt happy all the time, I'd either be medicated or headed toward a padded room. Because there are issues Iife hands some people that are difficult and attempting to be happy through them all would be delusional. 

 

Happiness is a personal inner thing to me - the articles comes across a bit trite.. What about a person with depression? Are they just messing up everything. The beginning of the article implies that somehow if you're not happy you're doing it wrong. 

 

A person's attitude does make a difference, but attitude is not action. Temperment is part of it too. 

 

Not everyone can choose every step of their life - admittedly I'm a bit oversensitive and over analyzing a sweet article designed to inspire. Just remember the person who doesn't come across as happy may be doing really well to get up and face the day at all, much less in a happy mood. 

[SproutMamaK]

I'm generally a happy person. If I lived the life outlined in the article, I would not be.

 

I find it interesting that in one breath the other says (obviously extensive paraphrasing here) "Happy people do whatever makes them happy and don't care what other people think" and in the next breath gives an itemized list of things people should think and do in order to be happy. Either it's something that's completely individual and that people need to figure out for themselves, OR it's a specific way of thinking and living that works for most people. The author is giving lip service to both ideas without really thinking through either one of them.

[PrincessMommy]

I do think this article has a lot of merit, though cannot be taken as absolute. Especially the first several ideas, about caring about what people think about you. Those resonate with me, because even at 46 years old I still have an unhealthy need for approval from my parents, and from people in general. I care over much about whether people like me and social situations stress me out because I'm so afraid I'll say something stupid. I have an over-developed sense of responsibility and duty and it does affect my happiness. Circumstantially speaking, I have a very good life, but happiness and contentment constantly elude me because of this, insecurity, or whatever it is called.

 

Now see, I was bothered most by that than anything else.   I have a different perspective. I know people who have gone through life not caring what others think ....and there's a pile of hurt people along their path.  There's a point where "not caring what other's think" becomes toxic... and it didn't seem like the author had much balance to that.

[Laura Corin]

And, I know someone is going to reply that THEY did decide to be happy, and poof they were...but really? It was a pretty easy problem to begin with if you can poof it away, and you should just be grateful for it if that really was the case for you and not tell people they need to "choose happiness." Usually it's more like "I decided to be happier, so I got a divorce and :snap: just like that I'm happier now!" lol

 

I don't take any pride in being a basically happy person.  I think I was born that way and my genetic luck was cemented by early experiences.  I'm just lucky.  I'm not a jolly person at all, that's something different, but I am happy.

 

Now see, I was bothered most by that than anything else.   I have a different perspective. I know people who have gone through life not caring what others think ....and there's a pile of hurt people along their path.  There's a point where "not caring what other's think" becomes toxic... and it didn't seem like the author had much balance to that.

 

I see the 'not caring what others think' more in personal terms: it's never worried me much what other people think of the clothes I wear, my politics, the life choices I make (living overseas, home educating my children, not going to church....).  But I have a strong belief in the Golden Rule, so self respect ensures that I'm not too much of a cow.

 

ETA: I think that, for me, that list is not a 'this is what you should do' but a 'this is how it works for people who are lucky enough to find being happy easy.'

 

L

[myfunnybunch]

The comparison to the fortune cookie made me laugh a little. The article did not resonate with me at all. I am a happy person, but I had to "tweak" or rationalize quite a bit to make the points in the article fit my life, kind of like some folks might do with a fortune cookie fortune or a horoscope or those personality quiz descriptions from Facebook quizzes.

 

I think happy people are blessed with a brain chemistry that allows them to be happy*, and who make choices to make the best of things, and who balance caring for others with caring for themselves.

 

I watched a TED talk on happiness, and one particular illustration of happiness stuck with me. (I hope I remember this correctly.) A researcher measured happiness in two groups, one year after a life-changing event. One group of people had won the lottery a year ago. The other group had had an accident resulting in paralysis a year ago. Which group was happiest? It seems like a no-brainer, right? But there was no statistically significant difference between the two groups. The groups were equally happy/unhappy.

 

It seems to me that trying to boil happiness down to a recipe, and then saying "This is what happy people do," is simplistic.

 

Cat

 

*By that I mean that I mean to acknowledge that there are people for whom "just be happy by (fill in the blank)" is simply not possible because there are chemical imbalances in the brain that do not allow them to feel happy, at least not without a substantial amount of effort and care and significant lifestyle support/changes, and possibly medical intervention.

[fraidycat]

As with many other discussions in life, I think we're all using a different definition for happy. Some are using an overall term while others are using the emotion. Not one and the same.

 

I also read living "at the moment..." with the ellipses as part of the sentence, as in "at the moment I'm in California - haven't always been and might not always be..." ;) which is totally different than living "IN the moment", which is also not only for druggies and flakes.

 

I'm typing on my Ipad and have had to correct so many typos I can't remember what Else I wanted to say.

[Laura Corin]

As with many other discussions in life, I think we're all using a different definition for happy. Some are using an overall term while others are using the emotion. Not one and the same.

 

 

Yes.  Of course I'm not happy every minute of the day - a post search for me will find rocky bits.  But overall I'm a happy person - things don't get me down too much and I have confidence that I'll get through bad times.  Again - this is not a virtue in me, just a lucky accident.

 

L

[MistyMountain]

I do a lot of the things the article mentions and I am not a happy person but I am not depressed either. My beliefs are strong and I don't let others influence my core being. I never followed trends or what the crowd was doing. I don't feel loyalty to a place and really consider myself a human on this planet and not in a hippy dippy way. I can see saying right now I am living in.... I don't think they meant that as a I live in the moment. I don't only live for myself though and I care about other people. I don't strive to be happy or think people that aren't just need to do x,y,z. Some of happiness does have to do with how people handle things that can be changed and some of it is just something that happens with brain chemistry that can't be controlled. This is a very subjective article.

[ChristyB in TN]

Wow! I've really missed this forum and the critical analysis of everything! It's awesome! I don't think the little article was intended to be an absolute truth and it certainly didn't involve scientific studies. I loved the feeling I got when I read it. I don't believe it was intended to be a statement such as "You're not happy if you don't agree with every sentence." It is sort of shallow, obviously. I'm a pleaser and it reminded me that I can stop that now. I'm very happy and have a happy life and it is a goal of mine to be happy every day. It is a lot of fun to read the reactions here and I appreciate all the things I never even considered reading into the article but see that some of you did. Great stuff!

[Dory]

Also, if happy people move a lot, I wouldn't want to be happy. For my kids sake. My parents moved LOTS, my grandparents move app. every two years. They have my moms entire growing up life. Moving lots, does not make people happy. I would rather travel then uproot my family all the time. I do like seeing places, but moving is not a symptom of what happy people do.

[Garga]

I'd like some real life examples of these. Who were the people studied? Over what time period? Some of the ideas were specific (moving around a lot) and some were vague like the line: "they are originators of their own reality." Huh? That sounds like it could get wackadoodle, so what exactly does that mean?

 

Yes, you could be happy doing those things, but the article comes across as self-centered. If I really only lived my life by my own standards I would end up hurting those around me. Perhaps I'm doing it wrong, but there are things in my life that I would LOVE to do to make myself happy, but it really, honestly would be bad for those around me. So I have to choose not to do the things that make me happy. And I'm not as happy as I could be. Huh. I guess I just proved the article is true. So, I could choose to be happy, but it would be at the expense of those around me. I'm thinking of the part where it reads:

 

"They do things because they want to do them, not because they believe they have to do them.

They don’t believe they have to do anything. Other than pay taxes and die of course — everything else is a decision followed by deliberate action. If they are doing something, going somewhere, participating in something, it’s because that is exactly what it is that they want to be doing.

 

No one coerced them or tricked them into doing it because they value their opinion above everyone else’s. They do what they believe is right and don’t bother to ask for permission — they just do it."

 

I can't live the above way because I have responsibilities to my husband and children that are at odds with the above.

 

I want to know: who was studied? People at the end of long, happy lives, or young people living on their own? What sort of life situations were thrown at them and how were they handled using the guidelines in the article?

[JumpyTheFrog]

I agree with the others who said they thought the author sounded very young and naive.

[Heather in Neverland]

http://www.str.org/articles/the-problem-with-happiness#.U4GGZCcaySM

 

"I think it's one of the most meaningless of all goals, pursuing happiness, because there are other values that are much more important. As a matter of fact I'm not entirely convinced that happiness is something that can be attained by pursuing it...

 

The problem is that it sets us up. Unhappiness becomes something that is abnormal. It's a falling short of a critical ideal. The phrase then, "As long as you're happy" becomes not just a goal but a requirement for successful living, a requirement that breeds guilt if it's not fulfilled--"What's wrong with me?"

 

My answer to that situation is, "More often than not, there's nothing wrong at all." Much of what we experience of a negative sort, maybe even most of it, is simply real life, common to everybody...

 

First, life is tough, no matter how you cut it. Secondly, people who think they're neurotic are usually perfectly normal people who have unrealistic expectations of what life should bring them. I'd contend that one of those unrealistic expectations, which ultimately becomes an inappropriate goal, is happiness...

 

When I talk like this people think I'm being depressed and morbid. I'm not. I'm not unhappy, I don't think, and I'm probably as happy as the next guy. And this vague response really makes my point: I don't think of it as a meaningful goal, so it's not a meaningful question, and it's hard for me to give a meaningful answer.

 

I guess my basic contention is that to the degree we cling to this expectation of personal happiness, we will define good life, appropriate life, successful living in the context of freedom from problems and pain. And it's to that degree that life will deliver to us the severest disappointment, because life is not like that.

 

Instead, I would direct you to higher goals. Some things are more important than happiness, like faithfulness, and integrity and justice--that is, right conduct and right behavior, right living. I would hold that in the long run this right conduct will bring the most satisfaction, some may even say happiness. But it's certainly often not true in the short run.

 

So don't make it your goal to be happy. Make it your goal to be faithful. Happiness will take care of itself. And the times that it doesn't, so what? Generally, if I'm really bummed out, I don't despair because there's probably nothing critically wrong with me, and it probably won't last. And if I'm really thrilled about something I enjoy it, but I don't cling to it because sooner or later I'll return to normal living, and that's OK--no guilt trips. And I never expect anything in this life to sustain me at anything like a blissful level."

[Laura Corin]

"They do things because they want to do them....... They do what they believe is right and don’t bother to ask for permission — they just do it."

 

I can't live the above way because I have responsibilities to my husband and children that are at odds with the above.

 

Your responsibilities to your husband and children fit right into 'do[ing] what they believe is right.'

 

L