Do you have a 'Sheila' in your family?

[shanvan]

I'm sick and bored, I can't make my mind focus on Circe threads, and that is my excuse for this frivolous thread.  I am curious though.  My cousin Sheila has no idea that she has become a symbol for our family--a symbol of perfection, of a superhero who always gets the job done faster and better than anyone else could have.  

 

In our family whenever we think a person is taking too long, or if we are in the middle of a laborious task, someone is likely to comment "Sheila would've had that done by now!"  Often we'll add in all the extras she would have completed too.  Last night we felt like the drive home from a friend's house was taking forever.  Dd piped up from the back seat with 'Sheila would've been home by now, and she wouldn't have even needed a car.  She would have backpacked home AND she would have had dinner made and the dishes done too.  She might even have started on tomorrow!'

 

It all stems from a visit to my aunt's house (about 8 hours from us).  Apparently we got moving too late in the morning b/c she commented every morning "Sheila would've been up and at 'em, boy!  I tell you.  She would've been done breakfast and out the door!"  We heard of various other feats Sheila would have done too--and always much better and faster than us.  

 

I'll add that we love my aunt and we are really kidding about it.  My aunt doesn't mean to be unkind, but she loves my cousin and is very proud of her.  Our comments are all in good fun, but I do worry about how my Dc will react if they ever meet Sheila in person.  She has taken on quite a mythical status.

 

So, I'm wondering if your family has a 'Sheila'?

 

 

[shanvan]

Not that I know of.  Of course that might mean that "I" am Sheila.  LOL

You can't be Sheila b/c if you were you would have finished homeschooling your own children, all the children in the neighborhood (probably all the children of forum members too), completely remodeled your home with your bare hands, and moved on to become CEO of your next employer!  

[unsinkable]

Yes, we have a figurative Sheila. There are some Sheilas on this board, too.

 

I also have a little baby sister, Sheila Rose, who died at birth.

[OhanaBee]

We have no Shelias in our family.  However, your Shelia may have a rival in my friend's son.  Her "Vance" is the model of the Perfect Son.  Anything your children have done, Vance can and HAS done it better.  This woman spent 10 minutes last Sunday telling my 15yo how Vance was making gourmet dinners for the family at age 15 and doing all the chores around the house quickly and without complaining.  PLUS he got a job so he could buy a NEW car by the time he was 16. PLUS those dinners he made?  Yeah, they were made from the venison that he shot.  {Stitchgirl was gagging by this point}

 

Perhaps we could introduce Shelia to Vance?  He's about 22, now.

[shanvan]

Yes, we have a figurative Sheila. There are some Sheilas on this board, too.  Ha!  Agree.

 

I also have a little baby sister, Sheila Rose, who died at birth.

Sorry about your Sheila.

[trulycrabby]

I am the Sheila, which actually just means that the bar is set pretty darned low in our family. :o

[Belacqua]

I used to be the Sheila (as trulycrabby says, low bar). But then I quit my fancy-pants job in the big city, moved to the boonies, and turned into one of those weird homeschoolers. So I think my sister-in-law was promoted to Sheila. Just as well. She's much better at it.

[73349]

No, but come to think of it, either my sister C or I would be it. I'm typing this while making dinner quickly and from scratch using mostly local, organic ingredients, but C's would be vegan and she'd be better dressed. ;) She even goes out running in the mornings. But she's still single.

[GailV]

We definitely have the anti-Sheila, who serves as a cautionary tale of how not to run one's life.

[PrincessMommy]

No Sheila's in our extended families - I guess we're all a bunch of underachievers.  ;)

[shanvan]

We have no Shelias in our family.  However, your Shelia may have a rival in my friend's son.  Her "Vance" is the model of the Perfect Son.  Anything your children have done, Vance can and HAS done it better.  This woman spent 10 minutes last Sunday telling my 15yo how Vance was making gourmet dinners for the family at age 15 and doing all the chores around the house quickly and without complaining.  PLUS he got a job so he could buy a NEW car by the time he was 16. PLUS those dinners he made?  Yeah, they were made from the venison that he shot.  {Stitchgirl was gagging by this point}

 

Perhaps we could introduce Shelia to Vance?  He's about 22, now.

I think he's too young for her since she is older than I am.  Though, I suppose if she were to get herself a new man (the real Sheila doesn't need one) he would be much younger and I'm sure he'd be easy on the eyes.  What does Vance look like?

 

​I've got a 'friend' who does this about her son too.  When I said recently that my Ds was a little annoyed with himself about not memorizing his recent 4h presentation, she insisted he didn't memorize it last year.  She knew b/c 'they told Dave (her son) he was the only one who didn't use notecards.'  And she remembered that my Ds read his entire speech from his cards.  (No way, b/c even when he has used them, he has NEVER read from them.  They are only references.) 

 

When I responded that, yes Ds took his notecards with him b/c he was speaking as part of a team and they were still working on timing, she insisted again that he looked at his notecards.  Ds later told me he didn't.  I thought it was so weird how important it was that she could hold onto the idea of her son being the only one to deliver a speech without notes (and, really who cares?) for an entire year!  She made my mind focus on it so much that on my way home I remembered that her son was so soft-spoken I couldn't even hear half of his speech, but I didn't remember that at all until she forced me to think back on the event.  I was just happy for her son and all the other kids who delivered speeches.  I guess it wouldn't have gone over well if I had remembered and reminded her anyway.  Somehow I think she would have 'remembered' it differently.  

[LucyStoner]

In my Jerry Springer branch of extended family tree, Sheila is anyone without a criminal record or active addictions who has her shit together most of the time and who has a nice, clean home and loving spouse. I am that person, regardless of if I like that or not.

[Melissa B]

Yep. My cousin. She has the most amazing time management skills. She never, ever puts off for even an hour anything that can be done now. She is so very organized it is often frightening. All of us (cousins & sisters) admire her, yet none of us others really strive to be her. :)

[kitten18]

My sister is a Sheila.

It seems like her brain is just really orderly and organized.

Her house is always spotless and well decorated but it's comfortable, not like a museum.

 

She has a gift for making routines and plans and just getting things done.

[Stacia]

No, but we have a klutz. Does that count? Lol!

[Ellie]

Hmmm...no, I don't think so. Maybe we're all just underachievers, lol.

 

We did have neighbors like that, though.We called them the Beaver Family. The house was always spotless; every room had been improved/redecorated somehow; they were *always* busy about the house. Sometimes I went over there to be inspired; Mr. Ellie would come home and say, "Oh, you must have been visiting with Nancy (Mrs. Beaver's name)." They'd come home from a week-long vacation at the delta, pull into the drive-way towing their boat, and they'd unload everything, start doing laundry, and wash the boat before they'd even had a potty break. Nancy worked out at the gym *every morning for three or four hours.* o_0 She had to have surgery on her elbow because she had tennis elbow from the aerobics...

 

I do have a cousin whose wife might be our Sheila, though; it's only that our family is just not that close or that big and not everyone knows her.

[Ravin]

Nope. We're misfits and underachievers, every one of us.

[Rosie_0801]

Three sheilas here but no Sheila. My dad thought one of my mother's sisters was, but she cheated on her husband so I think she's fallen off her upper case pedestal and is now a mere sheila like the rest of us.

[AmyontheFarm]

Hi. I'm the Sheila in my family.  My house is cleaner, my kids eat better, I know not only where everything is in my home and can evacuate it forever in about 10 mins, I also know where the stuff is at my mom's old house.  My marriage is better, my husband is perfect, apparently the sex is even better than theirs.  I bake, and serve food to others, I volunteer my time and hardly sleep.  My kids wear simple clothes and they are always clean.  I budget better, I clip coupons better, I make a meal plan to feed my family for under 50 cents a serving.  I homeschool my children because I'm better teacher than the local school, I find currilculm for practically nothing.  I never need encouragement, my children can do no wrong.  My life is perfect, all of you should aspire to be me.

 

I am the most blessed person in my family tree.  The most loved and the desired person to be with.

 

Or so they tell me..... repeatedly.....it is annoying.....I don't believe them for one stinking minute.

 

If you believe all of the above, I have some wonderful swamp land for sale... at a great price!  'cause I have my eye on some new curriculum! LOL

[AmyontheFarm]

To disprove all of the above, I should just take a picture of my living room right now, you'd all shame me into cleaning it up!  But at least the laundry is all clean! :laugh:

[Evergreen State Sue]

No, but I wanted to name my dd Sheila.  Given your definition of a Sheila, I'm glad I didn't name her that because it wouldn't have suited her!

[shanvan]

To disprove all of the above, I should just take a picture of my living room right now, you'd all shame me into cleaning it up!  But at least the laundry is all clean! :laugh:

Please don't!  Looking at my own mess is enough.  (Sheila would've had it all cleaned up and the room repainted by now.  I suspect she not only would have had her taxes done by now, but also would have gotten the largest refund ever and spent ti to go back packing through Nepal without any supplies.)

 

Anyway, I hate being sick on the couch looking at the mess I'd like to clean up.

[AmyontheFarm]

Hope you feel better soon, Shanvan!

[Mom2OandE]

My SIL was the Sheila in my family. She had the most kids of any of us who were also impeccably behaved. She worked, she cooked, she shopped, she ran the world. If the matriarchs needed something done they called on her. 2 years ago she cheated on my brother, left him, started ignoring her children and more or less checked out. My family always looked t me like I was a train wreck. Now they see I'm steadfast I the face of trial and they want me to be Sheila except I've grown up. I don't need to be Sheila. I just need to be me and I'm learning that means saying no, slowing down and living a simpler life.

[AmyontheFarm]

Apparently, Sheila drives a really cool minivan, which advertises her own cupcake business also! http://www.cakesbysheila.com/

[Belacqua]

 

Apparently, Sheila drives a really cool minivan, which advertises her own cupcake business also! http://www.cakesbysheila.com/

 

I call shenanigans. The real Sheila would know that cupcakes are so 2007. Macarons, I'd believe.

 

I dig the minivan, though.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Do you mean someone who is a braggart and always one ups everyone else?

 

Or do you mean someone that you've determined is "perfect" from the outside looking in?  I'm a bit sensitive about this because I've been accused of having it all together when I very much don't.  These are by people who don't know me.  And since your dc haven't even met Sheila, it makes me wonder how much you really know the real Sheila.  One of my sisters (who doesn't really know me and hasn't been around me much since I was 8 years old) has ruined all chances of me having a relationship with her kids by painting a picture of me based only on surface things.  

[unsinkable]

Sorry about your Sheila.

Thank you. I think her death almost ended my parents' marriage. I don't know everything, bc I was less than 2 when she was born and died.

 

But I found some papers that specified things that had happened then, and it was bad.

[alef]

My oldest sister is well known for regularly accomplishing the impossible. She's an amazing person in every way (not being snarky, I have nothing but admiration for her), but growing up in her shadow was not easy--my mom assumed that her oldest child was the norm, and was flummoxed as to why the rest of us never quite measured up :d

[shanvan]

Do you mean someone who is a braggart and always one ups everyone else?

 

No.  I really don't know the real Sheila.  She is about 10 years older than I and was away from home before I really knew her.  Then we moved to another state, so she hasn't ever been part of my life.  I don't think she is a braggart.  Her mother (my aunt) does the bragging, sort of.  It's more like my aunt compares others unfavorably against her daughter who is just about perfect (in her eyes).  I have nothing at all against Sheila.  She's probably perfectly lovely.  I just find my aunt amusing and I actually think it is kind of nice how much she loves her daughter.  I know that the real Sheila has been very good to my aunt.  

 

Or do you mean someone that you've determined is "perfect" from the outside looking in?  I'm a bit sensitive about this because I've been accused of having it all together when I very much don't.  These are by people who don't know me.  And since your dc haven't even met Sheila, it makes me wonder how much you really know the real Sheila.  One of my sisters (who doesn't really know me and hasn't been around me much since I was 8 years old) has ruined all chances of me having a relationship with her kids by painting a picture of me based only on surface things.  

It's more like someone in your family who others uphold as some sort of perfect standard--and do so often.  I doubt my Dc will ever spend much time with the real Sheila, but if they meet her, they will not assume anything much about her, and they won't hold my aunt's comments against her.  Comparing ourselves to Sheila is just a family joke we have b/c of my aunt.  We are all fond of her (my aunt) and even her quirk of comparing everyone against Sheila is endearing.  Dc realize that my aunt is just proud and maybe not always appropriate with her comments.

 

​ETA: If we had close contact with the real Sheila, we probably wouldn't have made it into a family joke.  I wonder how my cousin would feel if she knew all the comments my aunt makes?  If I were her, I'd be embarrassed.  For all I know, my mom is bringing me up to my aunt as some example of perfection.  :laugh:   I hope not.  

[katilac]

I not only have a Sheila in my family, her name is actually Sheila! 

[Uff Da!]

NM

[SKL]

I don't think we have one single Sheila, but several partial Sheilas.  For example, my youngest sister was really precocious.  I'm talking literally cooking [breakfast/lunch] meals on her own (without supervision even) at age 4. She could also figure change at age 4 and a bunch of other things.  As she grew she was the only socially adept, even charismatic person in our family.  Unfortunately, as she matured, she developed some issues with stress management that prevent her from being fully "Sheila."

 

I'm the Sheila when it comes to some things.  Career, kid sense, finances, fixing things, organizing things.  Unfortunately I'm very clueless in certain other ways.  So, not Sheila.

 

I think people will tend to praise others whose strengths are the praiser's weaknesses.  Since the person giving the praise is probably not the best in that area either, I would not view it as criticism.  Though of course I was not there to hear the tone.

[abba12]

I suspect DH and I are the Sheila and Vance of our family. I've never heard it said directly to me, but I have heard comments that indicate that, behind our backs, discouraging things are said about certain siblings with us held as the 'shining example'. A few siblings have made resentful comments about how 'perfect' we are.

 

Oh, if only they knew the reality. They only see what they want to see, and the reality is so bad in some instances that we can't actually tell anyone (almost no one in the family knows about my very serious PTSD. When I was hospitalized a couple of years ago, NO ONE related to us knew. There were reasons, it had nothing to do with me needing to appear perfect, and everything to do with the issues that caused the PTSD being extremely sensitive and controversial and would turn my family upside down if they knew the full extent.)

 

In my experience, 'Sheila's' are the way they are because hard times and life experiences made them that way. Don't be jealous. I, for one, am not someone who anyone should be jealous of, if they knew the full story instead of just what they see.

[LucyStoner]

Hmmm...no, I don't think so. Maybe we're all just underachievers, lol.

 

We did have neighbors like that, though.We called them the Beaver Family. The house was always spotless; every room had been improved/redecorated somehow; they were *always* busy about the house. Sometimes I went over there to be inspired; Mr. Ellie would come home and say, "Oh, you must have been visiting with Nancy (Mrs. Beaver's name)." They'd come home from a week-long vacation at the delta, pull into the drive-way towing their boat, and they'd unload everything, start doing laundry, and wash the boat before they'd even had a potty break.

I had a high school teacher who was like that. She'd come home from an international trip and be weeding her garden at 3am. She had a lot of kids and was ridiculously efficient and seemingly never slept. Turned out she was on drugs and that's what fueled all that. No joke.

[8circles]

Bm the anti-sheila in my family. Jokes and all.

 

I think I do all right.

 

There are a few self-professed Sheilas but I don't think that counts.

[shanvan]

I feel I need to clarify b/c somehow something has been lost in translation.  I can't speak for other posters, but as the OP, I can say, that we (me and my Dh & Dc) are not jealous of the real 'Sheila' in any way.  How can we be?  We don't even know her.  We just took what we thought was amusing from my aunt's comments and have turned the idea of an insanely perfect person into our family joke.  We know the real Sheila probably doesn't live up to her mother's representation.  We certainly aren't having angst over 'Shelia' comments.  I think I already stated that we find this particular habit of my aunt's amusing and endearing.  We are not holding anything against my aunt or my cousin.   In a way, we have made the 'idea' of Sheila into a spin off based on my aunt's comments.  It would be absolutely ridiculous for any of us to be jealous or offended.  My entire first post was meant in a light hearted, humorous way.  

 

I am sorry that some of you have been misunderstood by family members.  I certainly didn't mean to make light of any serious issues within families.   

[unsinkable]

I feel I need to clarify b/c somehow something has been lost in translation. I can't speak for other posters, but as the OP, I can say, that we (me and my Dh & Dc) are not jealous of the real 'Sheila' in any way. How can we be? We don't even know her. We just took what we thought was amusing from my aunt's comments and have turned the idea of an insanely perfect person into our family joke. We know the real Sheila probably doesn't live up to her mother's representation. We certainly aren't having angst over 'Shelia' comments. I think I already stated that we find this particular habit of my aunt's amusing and endearing. We are not holding anything against my aunt or my cousin. In a way, we have made the 'idea' of Sheila into a spin off based on my aunt's comments. It would be absolutely ridiculous for any of us to be jealous or offended. My entire first post was meant in a light hearted, humorous way.

 

I am sorry that some of you have been misunderstood by family members. I certainly didn't mean to make light of any serious issues within families.

I understood your OP, FWIW.

[8circles]

I feel I need to clarify b/c somehow something has been lost in translation. I can't speak for other posters, but as the OP, I can say, that we (me and my Dh & Dc) are not jealous of the real 'Sheila' in any way. How can we be? We don't even know her. We just took what we thought was amusing from my aunt's comments and have turned the idea of an insanely perfect person into our family joke. We know the real Sheila probably doesn't live up to her mother's representation. We certainly aren't having angst over 'Shelia' comments. I think I already stated that we find this particular habit of my aunt's amusing and endearing. We are not holding anything against my aunt or my cousin. In a way, we have made the 'idea' of Sheila into a spin off based on my aunt's comments. It would be absolutely ridiculous for any of us to be jealous or offended. My entire first post was meant in a light hearted, humorous way.

 

I am sorry that some of you have been misunderstood by family members. I certainly didn't mean to make light of any serious issues within families.

Oh, I got what you meant. I think your situation is pretty funny and I'm glad that you are seeing the humor in the sheila comments. I don't think everyone would.

[shanvan]

Bm the anti-sheila in my family. Jokes and all.

 

I think I do all right.

 

There are a few self-professed Sheilas but I don't think that counts.

You have inspired me.  I think I've got some new phrases for this week...

 

I'll have my 'Sheila days' (probably won't happen too often) and I'll have my 'anti-Sheila days'.  And when the Dc aren't keeping up their end of the deal with school or housework I'll ask them "What would Sheila do?"  

 

I am almost tempted to make myself a t shirt but can't decide if I want it to say Anti-Sheila, or "I am not Sheila".  The 2nd is very tempting since I can just point to it whenever someone here at home makes a ridiculous request for me to add a fourth or fifth task to the one I am already working on.  No lie, Dd asked me a question today while I was on the phone with my mom, and Dh was showing me something on the laptop (which he wanted me to fix) as Ds walked into the room asking me something else.....all while I was trying to rest on the couch and praying I am not getting a sinus infection!

[Critterfixer]

Can a male apply for the post?

My DH may well be the Sheila in our family, which is really funny, since none of the kids (including myself) can ever measure up. Even my little sister calls him my better half, and I'd be mad if she wasn't right, dash it. (Married 14 years tomorrow!)

He is in such high esteem that when a tree fell on my mother's house, she called HIM first, even before she called my Dad or one of us. But he is a seriously good guy, and I like to brag on him. (He rushed over there right away and calmed her down, assessed the damage and then spent many a weekend helping dissect that tree into two years worth of firewood.)

[Audrey]

We definitely have the anti-Sheila, who serves as a cautionary tale of how not to run one's life.

 

 

We have one of those, too. Her name is Dianne, though.  When someone really screws up or says something completely absurd, others will say they "really Dianne'd that." 

[foxbridgeacademy]

That would be all 3 of my dad's sisters, oh and all 3 of his SIL's too.  I come a family of "if it has to be done, you get it done right away" while chasing children, cleaning house, raising goats/chickens, tending the garden, and witnessing to the neighbors.... come to think of it that's my mothers motto too.  I rebelled, I'm more; "yeah it has to be done and I'll do it. Later."