DawnM Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 they would expend about 1/4 of the energy it takes to argue with me about why they shouldn't do it, don't need to do it, why it won't work, or that they already know the answer so they don't deem it necessary. That is all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I have no problem just agreeing with you. Many times ds could have been finished with something in the time he wasted arguing with me or trying to avoid doing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 YES!!! This is especially true with my 9 year old. We have this conversation over and over...but it doesn't change his actions. Easily agreeing with you here!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I'm agreeing with you not because you told me to! I totally agree. I really hate the dreaded, "When will I EVER use this in real life?" Ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 It gets better :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 My standard line is "You took a 5 minute task and dragged it out to 20 minutes just because you argued and griped about it." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancingmama Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Have the same issue here. I remind them repeatedly that they should save their arguments for the most important times. Maybe I should institute a daily argument limit. Once those are up, you can't argue the rest of the day. Nah, they'd probably argue about what's an argument. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I agree with you ... but ... I must confess. There are plenty of times when I spend more time/energy dreading a task and procrastinating and whining in my head about it than it would take to just do it. :blushing: Sometimes I will try to make that a Teaching Moment, by admitting my shortcomings and making sure DS doesn't think I'm infallible. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I've been known to tell them to "Just shut your mouth and listen." I figure that will help them if they ever end up in boot camp. :leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 A. MEN. Especially today. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 There has been many the task here that could have been finished in 10 minutes if we didn't need a 20 minute gripe/whine/argue/curl up in bed and moan about it session first. Those are the days I long for a big bag of dark chocolate, a new bottle of wine, and a sensory deprivation tank. (Those are also the days I catch myself fantasizing about enrolling the lot in the school down the street. Hmm....) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Not that I have direct personal experience with this sort of thing, but I have liked every single post to this thread and have given it a 5-star rating. :D I argued with myself for about 20 minutes before I did it, though, just for good measure. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 This our very first week since Christmas that hasn't been all-consuming arguing all day, every day. Have the same issue here. I remind them repeatedly that they should save their arguments for the most important times. Maybe I should institute a daily argument limit. Once those are up, you can't argue the rest of the day. Nah, they'd probably argue about what's an argument. My kids are so bad in the grocery store about arguing with me (or just plain talking non-stop about what I should buy, etc.) that we did institute a limit on interacting there. We've only tried it once (so far, so good). They get ten pennies when we go into the store. They have to surrender a penny to talk to me unless I speak to them first. If they misbehave, they surrender a penny. They keep the pennies that they don't use, and they can save them up over a few trips for those big gumballs they beg for--but they cannot use pennies from one trip to talk during another trip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 It gets better :) I'm almost afraid to ask, but, um, when? ballpark? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 After the college acceptances are received. :lol: No really, at about 16 things turned around for both my older kids. They stopped petty arguing with their siblings. They interacted well with adults. They took full control of their educations---no more nagging about getting work done (with the exception of college essays...). They still played with their younger cousins. They cooked for the family. They cleaned up their crap in common spaces without a problem (I didn't care about their rooms as long as no food went upstairs). They did their own wash. They were fun to spend time with :) And it has continued thus at now almost 21 and 19 :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I've said this to my kids at least twice this week. :/ "Don't you want to be done so you can go play? Just do it!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Totally agreeing. We just spent 30 minutes looking for a 7th grade math book that was not put away yesterday. It has a home! Put it there! Daily!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitestavern Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 A. MEN. Especially today. Cat This. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 "you can do it now or you can do it after you've argued with me and lost priveleges; your call" sigh.... ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I'm almost afraid to ask, but, um, when? ballpark? When they move out. :P Cat P.S. My grown daughters call me to ask my advice sometimes. They even take it once in a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 You are so right! Oh my word, it drives me insane. And, to carry this a bit further.... If you would just sit down and do your grammar, instead of agonizing and complaining about how you hate grammar and how you don't want to do it, you would get it (and all your other work) done in no time and then be done and out to play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 After the college acceptances are received. :lol: No really, at about 16 things turned around for both my older kids. They stopped petty arguing with their siblings. They interacted well with adults. They took full control of their educations---no more nagging about getting work done (with the exception of college essays...). They still played with their younger cousins. They cooked for the family. They cleaned up their crap in common spaces without a problem (I didn't care about their rooms as long as no food went upstairs). They did their own wash. They were fun to spend time with :) And it has continued thus at now almost 21 and 19 :) So, um, I'm in a rather dark tunnel right now with my 12 yo ds. Is the very faint light I see ahead the end of the tunnel or an oncoming train? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Yes, the struggle for power and "a voice" (one that is effective) is often much more important to children than the simple balance of time and effort around a particular task. That's often the case when people are having less power or a smaller voice than they would like. I think it might be an instinct. An annoying instinct. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 My dd seems to love to gripe and complain, sometimes she even manages to work herself into tears. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 My daughter just told me to "Just shut your mouth and listen!" so it can go either way. And no, I don't have a problem with her telling me that because I wasn't listening to her when I should have been. And it wasn't said disrespectfully but with exasperated humor. Other times, she needs to shut her mouth and listen to me first - then I let her have her say. But I make sure she knows that the "listen" part is just as important if not more so than the "shut your mouth" part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Plus the loss of privileges that go along with arguing and disrespecting me, really one would think the kid would figure things out, but no.... :ack2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 13, 2014 Author Share Posted February 13, 2014 That is funny. Just the other day I was telling my kids how the parenting advice I get is to "let them go without, they will learn!" But that that advice is lost on my kids……they still do it again! and again! and again! (not saying I am not sometimes a softy and don't give in, because I do, but sheesh!) Plus the loss of privileges that go along with arguing and disrespecting me, really one would think the kid would figure things out, but no.... :ack2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 My dd seems to love to gripe and complain, sometimes she even manages to work herself into tears. Oh! You have one of those, too? Mine is almost 11; yours? Silly me once thought that dealing with colicky babies and toddlers was near impossible. Ah, blissful ignorance. Dealing with hormonally challenged young people is much, MUCH more difficult. At least for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Dp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RebeccaS Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Oh! You have one of those, too? Mine is almost 11; yours? Silly me once thought that dealing with colicky babies and toddlers was near impossible. Ah, blissful ignorance. Dealing with hormonally challenged young people is much, MUCH more difficult. At least for me. /gasp!/ Mine is almost 11! I swear, the amount of time and energy she expends on complaining and/or crying about school is simply amazing. I realized that I can handle fussing babies. I cannot handle fussing 10 year olds... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 /gasp!/ Mine is almost 11! I swear, the amount of time and energy she expends on complaining and/or crying about school is simply amazing. I realized that I can handle fussing babies. I cannot handle fussing 10 year olds... I'm blown away that your dd is almost 11, too. ;) I'd "Like" this; however, I'm apparently fresh out of likes for right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SebastianCat Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 /gasp!/ Mine is almost 11! I swear, the amount of time and energy she expends on complaining and/or crying about school is simply amazing. I realized that I can handle fussing babies. I cannot handle fussing 10 year olds... Oh, how true! I'm relieved to hear that I'm not the only one dealing with this. My kids act like 2 year olds sometimes, rather than the 11 and 9 year olds that they are. I am worn out from the arguing and complaining. Sigh....DH is leaving tomorrow morning to help his parents move out of state, so we were planning to do Valentine's Day tonight (which will be a surprise to the kids). But with the amount of arguing and disrespect I've received today, the LAST thing I want to do is give them Valentine's gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 The "survey" seems to show that that *is* acting like a 9/10/11 year old. (Maybe they continue to have developmental stages, milestones, and phases after the toddler years?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 My *favorite* moments are the times spent complaining about work then 5 minutes after beginning, the child is done. "That was easy!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 DH and I frequently tell each other that by the time they are 25, they ought to be past this or that misbehavior or bad habit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I tell mine this all the time.... The time you just wasted arguing with me is the time it would have taken to do the job Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SadieMarie Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I think both of mine like it, the arguing I mean. It is satisfying on some very deep level. It isn't just about talking their way out of something. I think they just really couldn't respect themselves if they fell into line with every directive lol. It is about self determination and independence, or the pursuit of it maybe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Sing it, sister. I want a dog whistle audible to tween ears that I can blow to get the arguing to stop. I get half a sentence out and the argumentative excuses start. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momma2three Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 My younger kids are on February vacation starting today, and through next week. I'm trying to be realistic, and do a pared-down schedule with DD1... but there's still some stuff that I need her to do. I swear it was less than 30 minutes worth of work, that she dragged to over 2 hours whining about how she wanted to go play... well, she could have been playing an hour and a half earlier if she'd just done the very short pile of work I had laid out for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Oh! You have one of those, too? Mine is almost 11; yours? Silly me once thought that dealing with colicky babies and toddlers was near impossible. Ah, blissful ignorance. Dealing with hormonally challenged young people is much, MUCH more difficult. At least for me. Another almost 11 year old griper here. It's gotta be the age. Wow! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 I think both of mine like it, the arguing I mean. It is satisfying on some very deep level. It isn't just about talking their way out of something. I think they just really couldn't respect themselves if they fell into line with every directive lol. It is about self determination and independence, or the pursuit of it maybe.Mine does. He loves conflict. He thrives on it. He does anything he can to bug people, get a rise out of people, argue, mind everyone else's business, and then he just gets this grin on his face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 On Tuesday, we were on snow watch for the NEXT day here in South Carolina. My 9 year old ds took 5 hours to do his typical school. 2.5 hours to do TWO math problems. I thought I was gonna lose my marbles. He eats dinner and decides he wants to do his school for the next day right then so he could play in the snow. He sits down and finishes roughly the SAME amount of work in an hour! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Oh! You have one of those, too? Mine is almost 11; yours? Silly me once thought that dealing with colicky babies and toddlers was near impossible. Ah, blissful ignorance. Dealing with hormonally challenged young people is much, MUCH more difficult. At least for me. She is only nine and showing no indications of hormonal changes. She has always been this way, if anything it has gotten a little better but not much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.