Heather in Neverland Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 My ds is 15yo (16 in May). By all accounts he is turning out nicely. :) He has good grades in school, has good friends, outside interests. His teachers like him. There is a girl he likes and she likes him but neither of them want to get into a deep relationship so they are just good friends right now...taking it slow. I like that. He has his first job working at a Mexican restaurant and he likes it. He still plays too many hours of video games and fights with his siblings too much but that is pretty normal. He doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, swear, or engage in premarital sex. And he is starting to lean towards becoming a teacher and looking at Christian colleges he might want to attend. He's not a super genius but he is a good, solid student and a nice young man. He's becoming everything I could hope for. I am so pleased and so proud of him. So why am I so sad? :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Yeah, and i have a 21 year old. In fact, she just moved out a couple of weeks ago and I felt horrible. How can i be her protector when she's not living with me? :tongue_smilie: It's hard to let go. She's an awesome young lady and I'm very proud to be her mother. I have a really good relationship with her. My other two are different as well. My ds17 with Aspergers, doesn't like the idea of moving away from home. We're encouraging him to think about college and it can be close enough for him to still live at home. My dd15, otoh, is excited about moving out and into on-campus housing when she goes to college. She's ready to fly the coop now. i'd say I have the most difficult time with her because she's so independent. She hasn't needed me too much since she weaned! We have always had a good relationship, but then she started public school and made friends. Suddenly it's not as important to share things with Mom. I get that and respect it. But it's still hard, especially because she is my baby. I've no doubt she will live far away from me as an adult because she wants to spread her wings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheApprentice Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 My oldest son is 16, and he's turning out to be a nice young man. He too, still plays videos too much, but he's doing well in school, no girlfriend, no drugs or drinking, looking for a job, and doesn't mind hanging with his mom, still. But I was doing some college research yesterday, and realizing that in 2 years, he will be out. I'm right there with you. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 It's so hard. Once they are cooked it's time for them to move on. Boo hoo! The initial pain when they leave is suffocating even when you are proud and happy for them. Enjoy the next couple of years! You will find a new normal when the time comes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Sure. From the time mine were born, I always expected that I would have conflicting feelings as they matured and became more independent. And realizing way ahead of time that I'd very likely feel that way helped me prepare to deal with those feelings when they hit. Mostly now I focus on how proud I am of the way the boys are turning out, and I look forward to the next chapter for me and DH. I try to think of the boys' increasing independence as the start of new adventures (for them and for me and DH), not as the ending of something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 It is tough. My oldest is 21. In 2010, he graduated, left for Basic Training, got stationed in Hawaii, and was deployed to Afghanistan a few months later. Talk about a crash course in letting your kid go! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 You aren't alone - at all. My daughter is only 12.5 and I sometimes find myself close to tears. How do I fit in everything in the next 5 years? Everything I want her to know about life, all the memories I want to make with her. I worry that she'll only hoard the bad days in her memory bank, and not the good. Like your boy, she's turning out well. She loves her school, everyone enjoys her. She has her first crush (who also crushes her - and even gave her a necklace for Christmas... Dad wasn't happy!). When I asked her in a silly way if he'd kissed her (sue me - I got my first kiss around that age, as did my husband, lol), she looked shocked and replied "No way. I'm not giving that away to just ANYBODY, mom". I was so proud. And so sad - she is growing up very well, but she IS growing up and I so badly miss her being "little" that it makes my heart physically ache at times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 My three kids are very spread out so I have been the mother of a teen for 13 years already and I still have six more to go before my youngest is 20, but I am sad at the thought of all the things that I meant to do with my kids that didn't happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 You rear your kids to be strong, independent, functioning members of society, and then one day they are; and it sucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 I so know where you are coming from. My two oldest are out of the house and my youngest is a sophomore whom I still homeschool. When we like the people they have become and enjoy their presence, it is so very hard to see them go. In all other areas of life, when you meet someone you like to be around, you try to spend more time with them. When our kids become adults or near adults that we enjoy, we instead have to start letting them go. My oldest is married and has a baby. They are local for now, but will be moving out-of-state in a couple months. Now it's not just him I have to say goodbye to, but three people. And oh how I enjoy that little grandbaby! My middle son attends college out of state. I think this is the hardest time of my life emotionally. I have things I like to do and some good friends to do them with,which helps, and I'm making plans for my future for when I'm done homeschooling my daughter. I tell you though, this transition has been hard! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted February 2, 2014 Author Share Posted February 2, 2014 You rear your kids to be strong, independent, functioning members of society, and then one day they are; and it sucks. Gosh this is so true. Five years ago when I told my mother we were moving to Malaysia she was so upset. She said "I raised you to be strong and independent ...but I didn't mean THIS independent!" Now I totally get what she meant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 It is tough. My oldest is 21. In 2010, he graduated, left for Basic Training, got stationed in Hawaii, and was deployed to Afghanistan a few months later. Talk about a crash course in letting your kid go! Freeindeed, my oldest has enlisted and is leaving for boot camp in March. I am having such a hard time with it. I'm so proud of him as he has become an awesome man, who is such a good husband and daddy at the young age of 22. And I get to see them at least weekly now. His joining the military has been much harder emotionally than my son who went away to college, and oldest hasn't even left yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Yep, it is hard. Someone upthread mentioned worrying that all her children would remember was the rough times, but I think we are programmed--in general--to remember the good times. It is definitely that way with my dd, who was very difficult to live with at 16. Thank goodness she was in a better frame of mind her last year and a half at home, because we had to work together A LOT to get her launched to the college experience she wanted. It is so hard letting them go, because our natural tendency is to want to cling to them because we can see how little time we have left, when they don't perceive it that way at all. And in case anyone wonders if it's normal, I have two outlier examples, to make *you* feel more centered in the bell curve. ;-) One is mine: I remember the year my eldest was in third grade-ish (yep, homeschooling for ya). It hit me like a ton of bricks how fast he was growing up, and I bawled like a baby. That realization burst my bubble, and from that time on, every milestone was sweet with a tinge of bitter, because I knew what was coming. The other outlier example is from Dr. James Dobson. I remember hearing him speak on one of his radio shows relating how tough it was for him when his last of two children moved out. He was utterly blindsided by the heart-brokenness he felt with "the empty nest", and the devastation lasted a long time, for about six months IIRC, before he finally began to process and move on to a new normal. I was just so surprised to hear that, as I figured him for a busy man with a good understanding of human psychology, etc., etc. Anyhow, I hope that helps anyone reading the thread. : ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 I think I'll have a harder time as he gets closer to college age. He's 16 and we have a little over 2 years left. I made a choice when he was little to work to embrace each stage of life as it came and not lament the one that passed. So far, I'm doing okay. I like 16, I like his 16, he's a good kid. I don't miss the younger years. Maybe it's a byproduct of knowing he would be an only child and realizing it's important to cherish the time we have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KRG Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 I could have written that post almost word for word except mine will be 17 this year and he works at the library. I try not to think too hard about it and that it is part of life. But I can be in tears in just moments thinking that one day soon our dinner table will be 3 instead of 4... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 I feel slightly devastated at the thought of my kids growing up. My dh is in tears about it. We are quite the pair. ;) However, I have experienced sending one away to college and have seen that I did not dry up and blow away. It was harder than I thought it would be. Surprise - she still needs her mama. :) I have one child (who shall remain nameless) who was the most precious baby/toddler/preschooler, and this child has turned into a person who does not want me to be affectionate, which makes me very sad. I shall be sad, I shall. I also tell my kids that they can live with dh and me as long as they like. I really mean it - you know, within reason and with them being responsible and such. I think multi-generational living is underrated. :D However, when college girl asked if she could drop out of college, move home and help me cook and clean, I told her "no!". One, because it was a passing fancy, and two, because she is no good at cleaning. ;) But yes, I think it is just fine if you want to be sad about your guy growing up. I know I am! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 You rear your kids to be strong, independent, functioning members of society, and then one day they are; and it sucks. Yes. My oldest is 17. She is smart, confident, mature, and kind. All of this in spite of being raised by a very imperfect set of parents. I appreciate who she is. I cannot imagine how it will be when she moves out or has a home of her own. It is not that I don't want her to, or that I am trying to hold her back. It is more like how you think being a parent is before your children are actually born. You may have seen children. Helped raise children. Know about children. It is just impossible to know what it will be like when that child is born. Or the next. You don't grieve your childless years, you just can't transition until you are there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 I think I'll have a harder time as he gets closer to college age. He's 16 and we have a little over 2 years left. I made a choice when he was little to work to embrace each stage of life as it came and not lament the one that passed. So far, I'm doing okay. I like 16, I like his 16, he's a good kid. I don't miss the younger years. Maybe it's a byproduct of knowing he would be an only child and realizing it's important to cherish the time we have. I remind myself this all the time. What is the alternative to them growing up? I felt like my own mom embraced our infant and toddler stages, but it was almost like we were annoying when we were older to her. I want to "know" and enjoy my 2 kids as they are at each stage. My oldest is 13. Sometimes I feel frantic thinking about what I want to fit into the next 5 years. But I'm also eternally grateful I get to walk this path with my kids and have our relationship evolve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ripley Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 I don't. Maybe I will later, I don't know. I don't think I will. My family is very close-knit, so maybe since we're not "leave and cleave" or "out of the pocket" type people it's just not as big a deal. I don't think too much will change between 16 and 26 other than geography. And we've overcome that plenty of times already. :) I think I'd struggle with them actually leaving (for college, military, work) and staying gone. But just getting older and more mature? I don't struggle with that. I can see how it's bittersweet to others, but my people aren't a very sentimental people; I'm no different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berta Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I have three adult children and one 8 yr old. My oldest is 26 and lives half the year on the other side of the world. He is a teacher in China. Then I have a 21 yr old son with autism that is a full time college student. My 18 yr old is in no rush to leave home and I am thankful for that blessing. There is a big gap between my two younger kids. My baby is 8. We adopted her from China and I want to keep her my baby for as long as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 It may be odd, but no, I don't. It was a little shocking that first week when all 3 girls moved out at the same time. Then, it was kinda nice. It is nice. I love it when they come home, but we are in a good place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I must be the only one who enjoyed to see the fruits of my labor: an independent young man who was not afraid to get out and design his life, deal with the ups and downs and become an adult. He does live out of state but there are airplanes and cars...texting and email and phones. I always thought rearing children to independence was the goal and I was rather happy when we reached it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbara H Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 It is possible to feel both incredibly happy and proud at the people your children have become... yet still sad that what was a very special and wonderful part of life has past. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 No. I just don't. I look forward to getting to know my girls as young adults. I know hard things, as well as wonderful things, are in store for them but no, struggle I don't. I feel more like this. I do think I will be sad when dd moves out because...well, we're buddies. And I do think it will be sad again when the nest is fledged; raising children is such a major part of my identity, I do think it will be strange to re-shape my days. But I do look forward to seeing my children as independent adults. I look forward to seeing how they will manage their occupations, their children (if they have them), their relationships...just curious, in a way, about what they will be like in their lives as adults. That said, I did want more kids and part of the reason was because I wanted more of my life to be filled with raising children than how it is turning out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I have the same feelings about my darling 17yo daughter. She is growing into a delightful, sweet, responsible young woman. I enjoy her so much. I am so proud of her growing independence, and so sad to think she is moving ever closer to full independence. I want her to launch into the world well, and I will miss her so much when she does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I must be the only one who enjoyed to see the fruits of my labor: an independent young man who was not afraid to get out and design his life, deal with the ups and downs and become an adult. He does live out of state but there are airplanes and cars...texting and email and phones. I always thought rearing children to independence was the goal and I was rather happy when we reached it. Don't get me wrong, seeing the fruits of my labor is a great reward. I'm thrilled that they are independent. I know some grown kids who aren't. But it was still hard to see them go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Oldest DD is in the throes of puberty and if we had the money for an academically rigorous boarding school, I would be SERIOUSLY tempted to pack her off to it! But my little one turning 5 and entering kindergarten in the fall is making me a wreck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VaKim Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Oh boy, can I relate! I have been thinking about this so much for the last 2 years, especially. Ever since I had my surgery for ovarian cancer, and thought I might actually die or something. I think the knowledge that it was absolutely. finally impossible that I could never have any more babies made it worse, though before that I never thought about it. My girls are still at home, 19 and 15, but I know it won't be much longer, and the thought kills me. I honestly have no idea what my purpose in life will be after that. I will certainly help them get on their feet if they need me, but after that, to be here without them just sounds like a miserable life to me. We are so very close. My youngest at this point says she never wants to leave and she doesn't want her sister to either. She has cried about the very thought many times. ( I do think she has a touch of Asperger's, but we have never bothered with getting it checked out. She has quite a few symptoms, only one of which is the hatred of any change, even moving furniture in the house.) Anyway, for anyone who likes country music, here ya go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Nope. I am excited for that next stage for them, worried that they will be boomerang kids moreso than worried about them growing up. Actually I think at least once a day I say "oh grow up already" because we are at the frustrating hormonal, grumbling, stage of teenhood. On the whole I am proud of who they are turning out to be and of the choices they are making. This last few weeks has been filled with career planning, college choices etc for both of the teens and it is fun not sad. Despite the angst they play at we are very close and I know far too much at times about whats going on in their lives and wish they kept more secret, it will be interesting to see if that continues to happen when they move out or if they will distance themselves that way too. I suspect ds15 will be the type for phone me daily, dd14 every 3 days or so (based on their patterns when they are away from home now either at their dad's or camps etc). I still have another 12 years of kids at home, so I have a long time before empty nest sets in, and who knows I may have grandkids coming for visits before the youngest moves out. My house may never really be empty anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 My house may never really be empty anyway. I'm not a big fan of that terminology, anyway. "Empty" nest. I don't aim to say that. I don't envision a future when I ever describe my home or life as empty, kwim? I hope that when my kids are grown, there will be gatherings that are similar to the gatherings my MIL hosted when her kids all had their independent lives. Big family dinner, everyone flocking home, little grandkids running around on a sugar high. It was such joy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfarm Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 It is an unsettling time. My dd is 15. I am excited about seeing her get her driver's permit, graduating, going on to college, probably eventually moving to an exciting new location and living her life. At the same time, it makes me nervous and sad. I am anxious for her, and I am also anxious for me. I don't know what I want to be when she grows up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I'm right there with you. Our baby turns 16 next month. I can hardly believe how quickly time has passed! He's a joy to be around. He's smart, kind and hardworking. I'm one happy mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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