Are you really different than you were 10 years ago?

[Miss Mousie]

Well, life circumstances have certainly changed, and I believe a person can't help but change with them. 

 

But if they had not, I think I would be much the same.  Ten years ago I didn't have a husband and son.  If I were still on my own now, I think I'd be living across the country, possibly retired (because I'd have a lot more money with no family to spend it on!), possibly enjoying more self-education. 

 

And probably a total hermit.

 

 

[Anne in CA]

Ten years ago I had three children at home, a part time job, I did short term mission trips with my church and my main identity was "home school mom." I have graduated two of my children and both of them have some college under their belt. This is my last year of home schooling, although TPS is doing most of that work and I am only doing art and history. My whole identity is changing even now, but who I was ten years ago is gone, lol.

[mirth]

Very different.  Having a baby changes everything.  

[wendy not in HI]

As I was first reading this thread, I was thinking that my job is still the same - laundry dishes kids.... but on reflection:  

 

Ten years ago my husband was finishing up flight training for the AF.  We had 3 girls, 10 years old to toddler and a new baby boy.  I was homeschooling and thought I would forever...

 

Flash forward 10 years

- 6 deployments 

- 4 moves

- oldest dd graduated, one year of college, now in denmark serving a mission for our church.

- the others are growing up so fast, and I love it!  They are fascinating and surprising and challenging and fun.

 

I think the biggest change for me and our family is my husband.  He used to be very laid back, relaxed, easy going, fun, anyone's friend.  He was a super fun dad, very involved with the kids.  He is now way more intense and moody.  He is still good at talking to people and getting to know them, but he also basically doesn't like to be around people.  He is also rather detached from the kids.  His current job makes it tricky to attend events, but even when it is possible, he makes very little effort to be involved.  Though things seem really good right now, in my heart I am constantly tense and worried about the next thing that will frustrate or upset him.  I think I used to be fun, but now I feel like all of my extra energy goes toward keeping things on an even keel.  That doesn't sound so happy...

 

10 years ago I felt very secure in who I was (#1 mom)...where right now I feel like I'm at a crossroads.  Kids are growing up, all are in school, and I feel sort of guilty staying at home.  I should probably get a job, but I'm not sure what I want to be when I grow up, and I also worry that a job would be too heavy for me to carry right now. (Does that make sense?)

 

All of that sounds sad!  In many ways I am impressed with who I've become and the many adventures we have had.  I am proud of our children and the big people they are becoming.  Thinking of something positive:  One thing I did 4 years ago was dust off my violin and I started playing again for the first time since high school.  I now have a teeny tiny violin studio with 6 students.  That is pretty sweet.  And we have basically remodeled repainted reroofed redone every inch of our 1970's dream house ourselves!  I've learned a lot!  The most importAnt thing being: don't buy a fixer upper when you know you will probably move in about 3 years!!!

 

Okay next 10 years!  What do you have in store for me?

[AlmiraGulch]

I don't think I am that much different, but my circumstances surely are.

 

I don't think my core beliefs have really changed all that much; rather, my ability to let go of the role I thought I was supposed to play and just let myself be who I am and believe what I believe, unapologetically, has emerged.

 

 

 

 

 

[elegantlion]

some of my core beliefs have changed, some of what I will put up has changed. I feel like in the last ten years I'm coming back to who I was meant to be, not the person trying to fit in somewhere she didn't quite belong. There are great periods of time in the last ten years that just felt fake looking back. Not that I was being fake, more of everyone trying to play nice to get along. Perhaps it's the over 40 thing, but I feel more empowered to say how I feel now and care less about what people think about it. 

 

I like the essence of who I am better than I did 10 or 20 years ago. The only sad thing is that I am less trusting of people. I reserve my trust for a very few select people in my life, one can only get hurt so many times before you shut off those avenues. 

[JustEm]

Well 10 years ago I was 17 so my main concerns were my social life and getting into college.  Now I'm married with 3 kids who I take care of at home and home school. My life is very different but I'm still the same personality/belief system wise. 

[ChristusG]

Definitely. Ten years ago I had no kids. Now I'm the mom of three. If I would have told myself ten years ago that one day I'd be a homeschooling, non-vaccinating, co-sleeping, organic eating mother of all girls.....I'd have laughed! LOL! Having kids definitely changes you :)

 

My core beliefs are the same. My body is different....which is expected from having three kids. And I do believe that while I've always been somewhat quiet, I'm much more introverted now. With so much demanded of me all day long, I really love to retreat into my shell, avoid social gatherings (except family related ones) and be alone.

[Ipsey]

My religious and political beliefs have taken a 180, but the rest of me is pretty much the same. 

I wouldn't mind some lifestyle change though.  Just something new and different. I like variety.

 

[Crimson Wife]

A decade ago I was still charging up the corporate ladder, though I was miserable in my job and hating that I had to put oldest DD into daycare (she went 3 days/week and my mom took care of her the other 2 days). DH had just started grad school and we had no clue that the Great Recession would make that credential a lot less lucrative than it had been. We fully expected to have the money for private school tuition or living in a neighborhood zoned for a good PS, especially since I was planning to work PT. I thought HSing was for hippies and ultra-fundamentalists & never imagined I would do it.

 

Definitely never imagined I'd have a child with autism.

[goldberry]

10 years ago DD was 4.  I was looking forward a bit to her starting school, so I could resume some of my own life. Ha!  NEVER thought I would end up homeschooling in a million years.  We moved out of Texas and into Colorado, which was a lifelong dream made real. 

 

My faith in God is stronger, but less organizational and more personal. I am so much more happier with that, and happy I can share that with my daughter.

 

I am so much less efficient and responsible. 10 years ago I was a perfectionist.  Everything was done, on time, just right. Now, I forget things, I do things half-way, I intentionally ignore some things.  Sometimes I wonder if I even have a brain left, it seems like I'm not even capable anymore of just-right on time.  But I am also less judgmental and less critical, and more generous with others.

 

And, as I mentioned earlier....more tired!  I wish so much I had more energy to do the things I enjoy, instead of being so tired just getting through the day there is nothing left after.  That's probably the one thing I wish I could change most!

[CAMom]

I am very different than I was 10 years ago.

 

Almost exactly, to the day, 10 years ago, I discovered I was pregnant with a baby we thought would never come after years of infertility. Ten months later after a full term birth and a six week stay in the NICU, our perfect girl passed away and I will never be the same.

 

In that same 10 year period, I cared for my grandmother (who was a true mother to me) in hospice care and sat at her bedside while she died. 

 

I also sat at the bedside of my cancer and Alzheimer's stricken father while he took his last breath. Thirty days after he died, we sat at my stepmom's bedside at the end of her battle with lung cancer while she died. 

 

All of those experiences changed me. I think for the better. I have become a much more caring and compassionate person. I have become more gentle and loving. It has made me appreciate people more and ideas less.

 

I like who I am more now than I did 10 years ago. The experiences have been absolutely heart wrenching but they have molded me into a better person.

[Alicia64]

To the OP: I'm not your mother and I can't believe you work outside in temps under zero!!!

 

As I get older -- I'm 49 -- I'm majorly pleased that my sense of playfulness hasn't evaporated. I was raised w/ two people who acted 40 when they were in their 20's. When they were in their 40's acted 60 and now that they're in their early 70's, they act early 80's.

 

I never wanted to be like that. I wanted to be playful and silly and fun.

 

But I still won't work outside in temps under zero. No way!! :)

 

Your post is awesome, btw.

 

Alley

[Alice]

10 years ago I had only a 2 month old and was the smartest parent in the world. :) 

 

Now, not so much. 

 

Obviously, I’ve changed in the past 10 years just from the experience of motherhood. Choosing to homeschool has made our life much different than what we might have imagined if we’d taken a more traditional route. 

 

However, the biggest decade of change for me was my twenties. I feel like in that time period I really changed who I was and what I valued. (For the good, I think.) My thirties brought more the normal changes that circumstances and life changes make but I don’t think who I am has really changed that much. I would hope that I continue to grow and mature as I learn more about myself and life but I don’t see that as the same as a fundamental change. 

 

I turned 40 a few years ago which I think is one of those birthdays that make you think about where you are in life and all those big philosophical questions. I remember thinking that I like who I am and I like this stage in life. I wouldn’t want to be 20 again if someone paid me. I still feel that way. 

[Penguin]

Yes.

 

I was diagnosed with breast cancer eight years ago and that singular event changed my core.

 

 

[WishboneDawn]

I'm still the same spirit, just served on the rocks rather then mixed with cola.

[Ottakee]

To the OP: I'm not your mother and I can't believe you work outside in temps under zero!!!

 

As I get older -- I'm 49 -- I'm majorly pleased that my sense of playfulness hasn't evaporated. I was raised w/ two people who acted 40 when they were in their 20's. When they were in their 40's acted 60 and now that they're in their early 70's, they act early 80's.

 

I never wanted to be like that. I wanted to be playful and silly and fun.

 

But I still won't work outside in temps under zero. No way!! :)

 

Your post is awesome, btw.

 

Alley

 

Well,...........those horses have to be fed no matter what the temperature.

 

It is interesting as I am only 43 yet 3 of my close friends are early to mid 50s yet they are the ones keeping me young---horses, skiing, adventures of all sorts, etc.

 

In fact today I was heading out skiing with a friend when she commented that she couldn't believe that people were actually out on the roads in this weather (we had a blizzard last night with 12-15 inches of new snow and drifts everywhere)..............when I mentioned to her that WE were out on the roads at that moment.........and she said, "Well, I mean the OLD people" not us....... so old is a state of mind.

 

[Catherine]

10 years ago I was a rah-rah public school parent with a kid who was miserable. I finally woke up and smelled the coffee when he was in sixth grade. We home schooled-something I NEVER imagined doing-until he graduated and he is a college student now. But the internal re-examination that I had to do when the crisis happened with my eldest, at age 11, changed a lot. I'm more honest with myself now. I am less doctrinaire and listen better.

 

For me, difficult events and times have all changed me for the better and it seems to be a common theme in this thread.

[VinNY]

I started swearing like a sailor :laugh:  

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

From 10 ago...prob, but from 5 ago, uh...yeah. 5 ago was my stage I diagnosis. It's all diffferent, and not all in a bad way....at all.

[fraidycat]

Definitely different. Not necessarily in a good way.

[Annie Laurie]

.

[Susan in TN]

I no longer care a whit about flossing. I have no desire to make homemade bread. I have much, much less time to read and when I do read, more often than not, it's drivel. I think I've exhausted the zombie genre. I am more willing to believe now that some people are just idiots and there's no changing that fact. I smirk when I think of the times 10 years ago that I thought I was experiencing stress.

[Excelsior! Academy]

Yes, I am completly different. I don't even remember that person from 10 years ago.

 

Yes.  There have been more life changes for me in the last 10 years than some people experience in a lifetime.  I am more mature and less judgmental.  More whole.  Who I was 10 years ago is hardly recognizable.

[Joker]

If you had asked me if I was much different 15 years ago, I would have said most definitely 'YES'. I'm not that much different today than I was 10 years ago, though.

[Miss Mousie]

I like the essence of who I am better than I did 10 or 20 years ago.

 

Yes.  I feel more comfortable in my own skin.  I can recognize and celebrate my strengths much better, and it feels good to be able to do that.

[lynn]

oh yes.  I don't tolerate drama. I cut off friendships that I have out grown still keep i touch but that's about it.  I don't beat around the bush.  I learned to say "no" without guilt.   I must say my 40's have been very liberating.

[Dandelion]

I've changed a lot over the last ten years.  

 

Ten years ago, I was 32, working full-time and obsessed with my work and career.  While I was very successful, I didn't have balance.  I allowed work to come first, and it negatively impacted my marriage, my family, and my own emotional/physical health.  My focus and priorities were very different, and elements of my personality were too. I was the embodiment of the Type A personality -  ambitious, over-achieving, and impatient. I was much more judgmental and cared way too much about what other people thought of me (funny how those two characteristics go together). Politically, I wasn't very well informed but held very strong opinions (that's ironic too).  I had a very clear vision of what I wanted to do with my life, and did not handle variations to that plan very well.  

 

Funny how life has a way of giving us exactly the lessons we need to learn.   :p   I never would have dreamed that at 42, I would be a stay-at-home mom of two, and homeschooling one of them (I homeschool DS - DD is in PS-K this year).   After a terrible year in preschool, it became clear that a traditional school environment was not going to work for DS (he was diagnosed with Asperger's a few years later).  That's what brought us to homeschooling.  It felt like my life was being turned upside-down - and it was.  But leaving work to stay home and homeschool is the best thing that ever could have happened to me.  It's made me a better person.  I now put my marriage and my children first, I'm much more patient and kind, I'm more relaxed, and I'm infinitely less judgmental.  I'm a better wife, a better mom, a better daughter, and a better friend.  Some of my views and positions have shifted significantly as well, in terms of my faith and politics.  I'm able to see more gray now, whereas ten years ago I saw everything in black and white.  

 

The only thing I miss about the me from ten years ago are my rock hard abs.  Once I miss them enough to do something about it, I'll work on getting them back.   ;)

[Ottakee]

Thanks all for sharing.

 

I have found though that several friendships have survived the changes.  The other night I sat down with a friend that I have only had a few email contacts and facebook messages with in the past several years and we say and talked quite a while as if we did that every day.  Many of my friends have changed as well but interstingly we are all changing in similar ways.........even ones that I hadn't seen in years and am now reconnecting with.