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s/o Do you mind how your name is pronounced?


Laura Corin
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Growing up, both my first and last names were pronounced wrong and spelled wrong.  It drove me nuts and it still does.  What made it worse was in 8th grade I started going to school with a half-cousin of mine (long story short, I had never met her before and she was a few years older than me).  For some reason, she pronounced our last name differently so when the teachers would call out my last name it was "incorrect."  I'd correct them because I had always hated when people said my last name the way my cousin did (I didn't even know our last name could be pronounced that way until I started my new school).  The teachers were always confused and would question if I was related to "Susan."  I'd say yes and they'd just look me like *I* was the one confused as to how to pronounce my last name.  I never understood how one side of my paternal grandfather's family would say our last name one way and one side said it a completely different way.  

 

When I had to come up with a name for my first child I wanted a name no one would mispronounce or misspell.  When she was an infant she had to go to the hospital for testing and three different nurses attempted to call out her name.  All 3 got it wrong and I just about cried.  Thankfully my married name is very easy to pronounce and spell.  

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Ok, now, see, to me those make the same sound--the o in "pot" makes the same sound as the a in "Father." No?

 

They do to me, too. I'm trying to figure out how they would be significantly different. All of these words have essentially the same "ah" sound the way they're said where I live, or else the difference between them is so negligible it's not even worth noting: mom, pot, caught, awe, la, father, jaw, ha, caw, and many others.

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My name is Laurie pronounces Law ree, no Lore ee.  I don't really care a whole lot, but I do appreciate those to take the time to say it correctly.  My mom's nickname for me is Laur (rhymes with car).  It would only bother me if someone told me I was saying my own name wrong.

 

My DS is Seamus (SHAYmus) and it is mispronounced all the time until corrected.  It just isn't known around here apparently.  But once I say it people get it and are quick to change how they say it.  I have only ever had one person tell me I was wrong and that was in the NICU right after he was born. The nurse insisted that we had spelled his name wrong and really was upset about it.  Never figured that one out, I was a bit more concerned that my baby learn to breathe than what she thought of our baby's name.  DS always appreciates it when someone knows how to say his name correctly when they first meet him, but doesn't get upset to have to correct them.  It would bother him a lot if they insisted on calling him SEEmus, because that is not his name.

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Never correct strangers or people i just bump into as it is way too much to deal with. I dread having to give my name because then i must pronounce and spell it. When i meet people that need to know my name or I will come in contact with again, i make sure i pronounce my name clearly and correct if needed.

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Ok, now, see, to me those make the same sound--the o in "pot" makes the same sound as the a in "Father." No?

 

Nope.  Father and bother are similar, but are not the same sound. 

 

They do sound more similar in context, though than when you say 'ah' for the dentist vs. 'aw' that's a cute baby.  Do you say the same sound??

 

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I do care in most cases. My first name ends in a vowel that if changed completely changes my name. I have very negative and hurtful childhood memories in regard to that 'wrong' name (a person that had it) so I am usually very quick to point out the mistake to people.

 

If it's a one time thing I usually just let it go now but for people I'll see regularly or for anything important I'll correct.

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No, it doesn't bother me, but my name is unquestionably ethnic so it's par for the course since I live in the US far away from any established (ethnic) community. The people here aren't terribly familiar with my ethnicity, or it's language.

 

I started going by Ripley when I was dating my (now ex-) husband. His roommate's last name was Ripley, and when Ripley moved out he left behind his work jumpsuit. I loved that thing, it was super comfy. I wore when gardening or fixing up the house. Since none of my husband's friends were able to say my name correctly, and every time they dropped in I was wearing this work jumpsuit with the name "Ripley" embroidered on it, that's what they started to call me. And it stuck. And nobody really pronounces it incorrectly. :D

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Fascinating. That sounds like a midwestern accent to me. IIRC, that's about where you are, isn't it? I've never met a CAIR-uh, LAIR-ee, or SAIR-uh here.

I was born and raised in Southern California (learned to talk in San Diego, lived there until I went to college). I've visited the Midwest, but I've never lived there. My mom is from Central California and my dad is from all over (moved almost every year as a child to different parts of the US, but spent high school in Texas). I live in Utah now. When I take those "what's my accent" quizzes, I always get southern or central California. *shrug*

 

My degree is in linguistics. I find these sorts of variations fascinating. :) But I still want people to pronounce my name the way I do. ;)

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My name is Kathryn. People sometimes add a third syllable in the middle (kathERine) when saying it. I don't care and have never corrected anyone. I did have a coworker ask me, embarrassed, why I hadn't corrected him. I just don't see them as different names so I don't care. I do, however, correct people who call me Kathy.

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Growing up, both my first and last names were pronounced wrong and spelled wrong.  It drove me nuts and it still does.  What made it worse was in 8th grade I started going to school with a half-cousin of mine (long story short, I had never met her before and she was a few years older than me).  For some reason, she pronounced our last name differently so when the teachers would call out my last name it was "incorrect."  I'd correct them because I had always hated when people said my last name the way my cousin did (I didn't even know our last name could be pronounced that way until I started my new school).  The teachers were always confused and would question if I was related to "Susan."  I'd say yes and they'd just look me like *I* was the one confused as to how to pronounce my last name.  I never understood how one side of my paternal grandfather's family would say our last name one way and one side said it a completely different way.  

 

When I had to come up with a name for my first child I wanted a name no one would mispronounce or misspell.  When she was an infant she had to go to the hospital for testing and three different nurses attempted to call out her name.  All 3 got it wrong and I just about cried.  Thankfully my married name is very easy to pronounce and spell.  

 

This happened to my ex-husband, too! Weird.

 

His people emigrated to the US in three different waves. The first wave had their name Anglicized upon entry. The second wave adopted the first wave's variation. By the time my in-laws came over they weren't doing the whole Anglicization-upon-entry thing any more, so they retained their native spelling.

 

And it got weird because cousins went to school together - with two different name spellings and one pronunciation. Teachers couldn't get that the names were said the same way because one had a Western spelling and one had the traditional Yugoslavian spelling. LOL

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Nope.  Father and bother are similar, but are not the same sound. 

 

They do sound more similar in context, though than when you say 'ah' for the dentist vs. 'aw' that's a cute baby.  Do you say the same sound??

 

 

No, definitely not for ah and aw, those are different sounds to me. But I don't say father and bother any differently. Would father be more like "fawther"?

 

I was born and raised in Southern California (learned to talk in San Diego, lived there until I went to college). I've visited the Midwest, but I've never lived there. My mom is from Central California and my dad is from all over (moved almost every year as a child to different parts of the US, but spent high school in Texas). I live in Utah now. When I take those "what's my accent" quizzes, I always get southern or central California. *shrug*

 

My degree is in linguistics. I find these sorts of variations fascinating. :) But I still want people to pronounce my name the way I do. ;)

 

Ah, I don't know anyone from California--or, well, anyone who was born/raised there. I hear my Minnesotan friend's accent in LAIR-y et al.

 

Linguistics have always fascinated me too. I was always sorry I didn't learn more about the field until after I'd finished college. 

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For those who do not hear the difference between Lauren and Loren, do the words "car" - a thing you drive, and "core" - the center of an apple -  sound different?

 

Cuz that's what I'm talking about.

 

I grew up with a Laura ("Law-ruh").  Her name was not Lora ("Lore - uh").

 

Car and core are different but, to me, Lauren and Lauren use neither of those vowel sounds - instead, it's a short 'o' like 'lorry'.

 

I guess my point is that, to me, it doesn't matter what is objectively correct because there is no objectively correct accent.  The way that a person, in their accent, says my name is right for them.

 

 

L

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When I lived in Australia, I expected people to pronounce my name differently than I do. I discovered, though, that if I introduced myself using a variation of my name that is similar but not the same name, Australians would pronounce my name correctly, the same way I do (even though they were technically saying a different name than I told them). I thought it was funny and fascinating.

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So if you were a teacher and assigned your students to write rhyming poetry, would you consider it wrong if a student rhymed "bother" with "father"? 

 

Absolutely.  Completely different vowels.  Partial rhyme only.  Bother has a short 'o' sound and Father has a long open 'a'.

 

L

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I guess my point is that, to me, it doesn't matter what is objectively correct because there is no objectively correct accent.  The way that a person, in their accent, says my name is right for them.

 

 

L

 

I feel the same way. I can totally see getting annoyed when you correct someone and they don't bother to even try to adjust. But there are also people out there (like me) who really don't hear a difference between what they're saying and what the other person is saying. I remember there being a thread here about how people pronounce "quinoa," and that was the first time I realized that I just don't hear the differences other people do!

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Also, I have never met a short a (cat) Cara or Larry or Sarah. Those all usually have the long a sound (CAIR-uh, LAIR-ee, SAIR-uh). Occasionally I met a CAR-uh. Ar is the same as in large or bar or far with ah like in father. It has no O-like sound and no short a sound (cat).

Yes, this is what I have experienced in the south,

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I am Lara.  Pronounced  Laa rah.  I can handle Lora for a while from people that I will have a short term association with.  Lair-ruh grates on my nerves.

 

I generally correct people the first time,

 

Hi I'm Lara

Hello Lora

Lara

 

After that I only correct someone if we are going to have a long term friendship.

I expect my friends to show me the respect to learn my name correctly.  All have so far.

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Someone must find a video or audio clip illustrating the difference. Now I need to know :lol:

 

Me too! I've been saying, "bother, father, bother, father," in my head over and over, and I just do not get it! They rhyme!

 

ETA: Merriam-Webster agrees with me!

 

fa·ther noun \ˈfä-thər\

both·er verb \ˈbä-thər\

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For me it was not so much a matter of minding as it was making things difficult in every day life. I switched to my middle name - Elizabeth or Liz since nobody could pronounce my scandinavian first name, much less spell it. It caused awkward moments when people remembered me but could not remember how to pronounce my name. When pregnant with ds, I sat at a doctors office for three hours thinking they had some kind of emergency and were running way behind only to find out that they had "called" me but butchered the name so I did not even recognize it. After this incident, I changed to my middle name and it has made a huge difference.

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Okay, here's father (number 3).  And here's bother (number 2).  Can you hear that father is longer than bother?

 

L

 

No, I really cannot. They sound exactly the same to me. 

 

ETA: But I think the site you linked just further proves your point that there's no absolute authority on pronunciation!

 

ETA again: After a few more listens, what I realized I do hear is that the "bother" you linked sounds like "buther" to me, but to my ears, that's not the same short o sound as in "pot." 

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Me too! I've been saying, "bother, father, bother, father," in my head over and over, and I just do not get it! They rhyme!

 

ETA: Merriam-Webster agrees with me!

 

fa·ther noun \ˈfä-thər\

both·er verb \ˈbä-thər\

 

In British English, you can hear a distinct difference.

 

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I think my name sounds very ugly, so it doesn't matter to me if someone mispronounces it.  One can hardly make it sound worse! :laugh: I had a friend in jr high who called me Adrienne for the longest time.  I never corrected her because it just didn't matter.  I knew she was talking to me, so that was fine.

 

While I'm not bothered by it, the French pronunciation always throws me off.  That just does NOT sound like my name at all. It sounds almost nice.

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I only get it with my last name, but I've been spelling and pronouncing it for people forever, so...meh. DW was happy to switch to my old Middle English name from her Polish name because she saved several letters, including a silent "J."

 

Someone like George Carlin had a bit on always spelling your name "S.M.I.T.H" when asked, but then say "but they're all silent."

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Years ago dh and I frequented a restaurant that often had a waiting list. And they always asked for your last name. Our real name is often mispronounced and/or misspelled. To the point that if we didn't correct them we might not recognize the name they called for us. So for restaurant purposes we became the Andersons. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

We have a very hard name to spell and pronounce.  Almost no one gets it right, but the ones that do usually shout with delight, like they won a game show. :)   Almost every one wants to know how to pronounce it before attempting to say it.  Then, they practice it on the spot.  It's crazy nuts.  Heck, even I have to say it in my head phonetically to spell most days.   :)  We are the Smiths in restaurants.  Kids' first names are always pronounce correctly and spelled correctly.  Middle names get trickier (Kathryn and James).

 

Add in that my name is Amy (which was once crazy popular and spelled SO many weird ways, and DH is Marc with a C not K, things can get rough.  Plus my middle name is Michele (pronounced Michelle).  DH still can't spell it correctly!   :glare:

 

I have lived with nicknames my entire life.  In ballet, my dance classes for years had 6 Amys in them, and one was the teacher.   :)  Nicknames were essential.  I am never offended by nicknames for me or my kids because we most definitely see them as a sign of endearment, even on first meeting.   :)  I am not likely to call you by a nickname upon first meeting, but I will unconsciously use one after a few meetings...or call you Sweetie or something, which I know has been a hot topic of debate among the Hive.  Good thing I rarely leave Texas.   :lol:

 

 

ETA: When I am asked for our last name, I don't bother trying to pronounce it because I know they can't spell it.  So I just respond "P as in Paul", "F as in Frank", etc.  :)

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My name is always, always, always mispronounced, even when I correct people. I have learned to just respond to anything that starts with the first two letters. 

 

It doesn't bother me. It's my parent's fault :)

 

Someone calling me the wrong name is so common that I also answer to it in the short term. The only real problem I've had with that is when a colleague called me that name, and I answered to it. I didn't correct him, because he was new and I barely knew him, and I figured he sees my name all the time on our publications and in the emails I send and on our corporate phone list, etc.--I thought he'd figure it out eventually. Three years later, that guy was still calling me by the wrong name! By then I felt too stupid to actually correct him and I didn't want to embarrass either of us, because he was such a nice guy. Lesson learned!

 

Someone like George Carlin had a bit on always spelling your name "S.M.I.T.H" when asked, but then say "but they're all silent."

 

:lol:

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My name is Kathryn. People sometimes add a third syllable in the middle (kathERine) when saying it. 

 

That sounds similar to my KathAleen issue, although your name is also spelled Catherine or Katherine  so the extra vowel is somewhat understandable. I've never seen Kathleen spelled Kathaleen. I'm not saying it never happens, but just that I've never heard of it.

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Not really.  I tend to correct them if it's really off.  But in general no.  

 

Funny though, one of the teens at church got down right angry when our (now retired) pastor mispronounced my last name.  Without giving the whole name, the beginning is pronounced like clause as in clausen pickels.  Many many people pronounce is class as in classroom.  I'm just used to it.  But she would get angry for me.  :-)

 

 

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As long as people are making a good faith effort to pronounce my name using the phonetic rules of their country or region then I have no problem with how they say my name.  In fact, I've come to embrace those differences in pronunciation as part of who that friend is. The lady who has called me Cathy for years, despite being corrected, does bother me!  

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Someone calling me the wrong name is so common that I also answer to it in the short term. The only real problem I've had with that is when a colleague called me that name, and I answered to it. I didn't correct him, because he was new and I barely knew him, and I figured he sees my name all the time on our publications and in the emails I send and on our corporate phone list, etc.--I thought he'd figure it out eventually. Three years later, that guy was still calling me by the wrong name! By then I felt too stupid to actually correct him and I didn't want to embarrass either of us, because he was such a nice guy. Lesson learned!

 

 

:lol:

 

 

I always felt bad for correcting people, so I would let it go. However, as a kid at least my brother would come to my rescue and correct people :). And now, my husband and kids do. 

 

I had a 7th grade science teacher and he was such a sweet old man, I just let him call me the wrong name the whole year!

 

But, I do have a very unique name and I understand it being mispronounced. The funny part though, is that even when meeting people for the first time and they have never seen my name written, I've just told them what it is, they can't believe what they hear, I guess, because they say, "oh, nice to meet you ....( a name that is not mine but probably the only name slightly familiar that they can associate it with. 

 

It's just easier to shrug and smile:)

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. The lady who has called me Cathy for years, despite being corrected, does bother me!  

 

Hey Jean! When I was a bartender in the Atlanta area I had a regular customer who called me Kathy Jean. No reason. I asked him once and he said he didn't know why he did it. I guess he just thought I needed an extra name, and since I have no middle name he gave me one. Jean is popular as a second name in the south - second name meaning you speak it, as opposed to a middle name that's rarely used in addressing the person. Billie Jean, Bobbie Jean, Kathy Jean... :D

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Hey Jean! When I was a bartender in the Atlanta area I had a regular customer who called me Kathy Jean. No reason. I asked him once and he said he didn't know why he did it. I guess he just thought I needed an extra name, and since I have no middle name he gave me one. Jean is popular as a second name in the south - second name meaning you speak it, as opposed to a middle name that's rarely used in addressing the person. Billie Jean, Bobbie Jean, Kathy Jean... :D

Jean is my middle name. . . 

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My first name is easy. It doesn't really get mispronounced. Our last name is pronounced differently than it looks.  We had a TKD tournament last Saturday and coached the kids, "When they say ____________, they are talking about you." It doesn't bother me at all. It isn't their fault our name has a nonstandard pronunciation.

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My name is Cara.  I pronounce it like a car, and then 'uh' . . . like 'a car' (with the a pronounced as a schwa) reversed.  

 

So I guess thats the 'broad' a like father  . . . but some people pronounce more as a short a, which i can live with.  And there are some regional variations on short a.  But its NOT  a long a.  I'm fine with any short or broad variation, but not 'care' uh.  I mean, i'll answer to it, and I wont correct a person calling my name out for the DMV window, but I will correct anyone i will see a lot - it should be pronounced the same way you pronounce 'car'.  Not 'care'.  Two different words, you know the difference!

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I think it is impossible to mispronounce my first name :)  I had such an ordinary first, middle and last name growing up that I was so excited when I married my dh.  He has a last name that is almost impossible to pronounce by looking at the spelling unless you come from the same area of MN.  I don't bother spelling it for people because it will then be mispronounced.  It is an easy name to say, but not if you look at the spelling first. 

 

I had to have my mom say it over and over to memorize because she would get tripped up every time she looked at it.  I did the same thing when I met him.

 

Kelly

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