Giving kid food budget, stupid idea?

[Plateau Mama]

I'm at my wits end with my 11.5 yo son. We've been involved in food battles all his life. Part is a power struggle, part is sensory issues add into that several food allergies and I'm about to lose it. He refuses to eat anything he doesn't make himself and he keeps eliminating foods he can eat for various reasons. I'm tired of cleaning up 3 extra meals a day. I try to get him to do it but it ALWAYS becomes a battle. I ask him not to make fish in the morning because I hate the smell of fish an I can smell it the rest of the day. The next day he will make two pieces just to prove his point. It takes him an hour to make 5 minute oatmeal and he cakes so much on the bottom from over cooking it takes me 30 minutes to clean the pan. Now he refuses to eat oatmeal because I make him clean the pan.

 

I am not asking how to fix that, please don't go there. He's saw an occupational therapist who specializes in food issues for a year and the only thing we added to his diet was hot dogs.

 

Anyway right now about 40-50% of my food budget goes towards food for him. The prepackaged allergen free foods are so pricy and I want to get him away from all of them. I've asked him to eat a protien and a fruit with every meal before going to the pantry and he refuses. He used to eat fruit but now that I (and two dr,s) have told him to do this he refuses. So for January I wasn't going to buy any packed items and he freaked out saying he was going to starve. So as a compromise I was thinking of giving him $50 a week and he can go pick out what he wants. The catch is if he isn't eating what I make he must eat what he buys. Fo for example if he wants fish he has to buy a bag of fish from Costco with that $50. He can eat anything I make and all the fruits and veggies he wants, anything in the fridge etc. I'm just trying to 1. Decrease the crazy amount of money I spend on food for him 2. Make him think he has more power over his food choices. 3. Hopefully when he realizes how expensive his food is he will start eating fruit again because it's "free".

 

Is this a totally stupid idea? Any thoughts on how to improve it?

[Amy in NH]

Don't threaten, just stop buying the prepackaged stuff.  When he's actually hungry he'll eat the fruit.

 

He's old enough to clean up after himself where-ever he is - kitchen included.

[Plateau Mama]

Don't threaten, just stop buying the prepackaged stuff.  When he's actually hungry he'll eat the fruit.

 

He's old enough to clean up after himself where-ever he is - kitchen included.

(I specifically asked for no advice on the issues. I'm just wanting input on the budget idea.)

 

Because of his sensory issues this is not true. He will not eat what is there if he gets hungry enough. He will just not eat until he gets physically sick. And if I force him to eat something he doesn't want he will get physically sick. And I understand he is old enough to clean up after himself, what I said was he will eliminate whatever food I ask him to clean up. I'm not going to argue the rights and wrongs of this. This is how it is. This morning I told him he would have to hand wash whatever dishes he used because the DW was running and the housekeeper was coming. He said he didn't want to do the dishes so he wouldn't eat.

[vonfirmath]

The only problem I see is with what you said about your son.

 

If you give him $50 to buy his own food -- what prevents him using it up and refusing to eat afterward?

[shukriyya]

Since it sounds like control and autonomy are issues for him that manifest around food a budget might be a very effective solution. It's certainly creative and I can read and hear in your post how utterly frustrating this must be given the complexity of needs...his for individuation, control etc yours for good mothering, teaching responsibility and respect and then thrown into that all the nuances of the mother-son dyad.

 

You could try it for a month or two and see how it goes. Nothing to lose, right? :grouphug:

[Anne]

I have no idea whether this would work or not, I have no experience with kids with these kinds of issues - but I agree with shukriyya - nothing to lose.

 

If it is possible to have a rational discussion with him about this idea, I would definitely do that.  Otherwise, I'd just tell him how it was going to be.  Maybe pick a definite ending time??

 

In any case, this sounds incredibly frustrating - I am so sorry!!!

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Anne

[City Mouse]

I had a child with similar but not quite so severe issues. I understand what you are going through. The phrase "they will eat when they get hungry" is not true with kids like these. My DD was 5ft5in tall and weighed 100 pounds at one point. The Dr thought she might be anorexic, but she just won't eat if she doesn't like what is available.

 

I like the idea of giving him his own budget. I did it a little different. I would buy a set amout of the foods she would eat each week/month and made sure she knew the schedule. Her food was kept separate so no one else would eat it. In turn, she was not allowed to eat the stuff that was set aside for her brother's school lunches. She could ration her food how she wanted to. She could eat it all in one day, or she could make it last for the week.

This method reduced my frustration of going to make lunches each day and finding foods that I thought were in the pantry to have been eaten.

[Lara in Colo]

I would give it a try and see what happens. 

It sounds reasonable and like you have put a lot of thought into the idea--(trying to figure his reactions and needs into the solution).

You know your child best and no matter what advice we give YOU are the one who has to live with him and deal with the consequences.  I really think God gives mommies a switch that flips when we have had too much and it is a necessary tool for child development.   I think you have tried many things and this is your "yet another" stab at making life livable. 

 

Go for it.

My only advice is to try it a week at a time.

[trlt]

I say try it. I might give him money for a week or two at a time instead of a month. That might help him not to run out of food early in the month.

[itsheresomewhere]

With DS, we started to "research" recipes of his favorite prepackaged special foods.  Then we spent a few days trying out our recipes.  It worked for quite a few things.  He helps prepare these items now.  I also have him in the store really look at the prices with me and discuss the prices and budget.  This has helped us so much more.  He now has an understanding on the budget.  

 

Now if I am making something for dinner that DS will not eat, then I make a separate meal for him or he makes his own while I am cooking.

[AK_Mom4]

I agree, it probably won't hurt to try. But it might actually not be enough. Shopping for himself may be beyond what he is willing to do and still doesn't address the dishes or the fish smell in the morning.... That ghastly "inconvenience" factor bites us here too - I have one that will just not eat if it means washing a dish. For him it's a sensory thing and he can't stand the feel of the soapy water. I get that but it drives me crazy to have to wash the extra pans! And I totally understand about the caked on oatmeal!

 

I had to make myself let go of lots of things, especially dishes. I told him I would happily wish ALL the dishes ALL the time if he would just pour some water in the pan when he was done so it would soak. That has worked pretty well here. Is letting go of the dishes and the smell issues something you could do? Because I think for the budget thing to work, you are going to have to let him cook "his stuff" whenever he wants........

 

I'm sorry, OP. This stuff is really hard.

[TammyinTN]

Would it be possible to sit down and make a list of 21 meals (7 breakfast, 7 lunches and 7 dinners)  and then go shop for those items that are needed?   If he knew in advance everything he needed was there for him to prepare and eat, would that some how make it easier on you guys?    You could do this each weekend and then not really have to worry about it during the week.  Maybe ask if he could put hot water in his pans to soak so it's easier to clean.    I haven't had these types of issues, and I hope you can find a solution.  Also getting everything you need at once would definitely save some money if you can buy in volume and it's something he will eat on a continuing rotation. 

[RoughCollie]

I think you have a great idea.  I may try that with my son.

 

I have a son on the autism spectrum who has severe food issues, so I get where you are coming from.  My son has not eaten anything I've cooked (except for pancakes, if I happen to make them when they are on his good food list, and sweets) for 16.75 years.

 

It doesn't do any good to buy what he likes unless he requests it, because his likes change within a limited list.

 

So far, the only  new food he has added in the last 5 years is hot dogs, which he will eat 6 times a year.  He eats no meat, no fruit, no veggies, and hasn't tasted them except for one bite of a banana, and apples when he was 2.5. 

 

He has been thoroughly tested for physical problems, and has been in therapy for years.  He's had everything done that can possibly be done, and nothing has changed. 

 

It isn't a power trip.  My son will starve himself if I do not have food that he will eat in the house.

[Plateau Mama]

The only problem I see is with what you said about your son.

 

If you give him $50 to buy his own food -- what prevents him using it up and refusing to eat afterward?

 

 

I'm sure in the beginning this will absolutely happen. But I'm hoping after a few weeks he would realize he has limited resources and think more about what extras are important to him.  

I have no idea whether this would work or not, I have no experience with kids with these kinds of issues - but I agree with shukriyya - nothing to lose.

 

If it is possible to have a rational discussion with him about this idea, I would definitely do that.  Otherwise, I'd just tell him how it was going to be.  Maybe pick a definite ending time??

 

In any case, this sounds incredibly frustrating - I am so sorry!!!

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Anne

 

 

There is no rational discussion with this child. Everything you say is met with an automatic no. You could be offering to take him to Disney a World and his first response will be No (insert excuse/reson) 

I had a child with similar but not quite so severe issues. I understand what you are going through. The phrase "they will eat when they get hungry" is not true with kids like these. My DD was 5ft5in tall and weighed 100 pounds at one point. The Dr thought she might be anorexic, but she just won't eat if she doesn't like what is available.

I like the idea of giving him his own budget. I did it a little different. I would buy a set amout of the foods she would eat each week/month and made sure she knew the schedule. Her food was kept separate so no one else would eat it. In turn, she was not allowed to eat the stuff that was set aside for her brother's school lunches. She could ration her food how she wanted to. She could eat it all in one day, or she could make it last for the week.

This method reduced my frustration of going to make lunches each day and finding foods that I thought were in the pantry to have been eaten.

  

I tried the set foods. I bought two weeks at a time and he would plow through it in two days. Or he'd decide he didn't like x anymore. I think/hope with the budget he would feel he had the power and eliminate the I don't like x anymore.

 

He lost a lot of weight when we discovered his allergies. The Dr. Is ok with his weight now but doesn't want him losing anymore weight. He's 84 pounds and probably 5 ft. Before the allergies he drank protien smoothies to get protien. Now I can't find one that he can and will drink. :-(  

I say try it. I might give him money for a week or two at a time instead of a month. That might help him not to run out of food early in the month.

I will definitly only give him a week at a time.

[bettyandbob]

:grouphug:  I've got a stubborn, sensory sensitive, food allergy kid. 

 

Try it. 

 

 

[Luanne]

nm

Edited December 31, 2013 by Susan Wise Bauer
Not helpful.

[Plateau Mama]

I agree, it probably won't hurt to try. But it might actually not be enough. Shopping for himself may be beyond what he is willing to do and still doesn't address the dishes or the fish smell in the morning.... That ghastly "inconvenience" factor bites us here too - I have one that will just not eat if it means washing a dish. For him it's a sensory thing and he can't stand the feel of the soapy water. I get that but it drives me crazy to have to wash the extra pans! And I totally understand about the caked on oatmeal!

I had to make myself let go of lots of things, especially dishes. I told him I would happily wish ALL the dishes ALL the time if he would just pour some water in the pan when he was done so it would soak. That has worked pretty well here. Is letting go of the dishes and the smell issues something you could do? Because I think for the budget thing to work, you are going to have to let him cook "his stuff" whenever he wants........

I'm sorry, OP. This stuff is really hard.

as it stands now he does all his own cooking and I do all the dishes (except the burned on oatmeal). Right now, other than putting dishes in the dishwasher I do all the dishes. I'm willing continue to do that for now if he stops/slows the food battle. I'm not crazy, I only want to tackle one hill at a time, not the entire mountain.   

Would it be possible to sit down and make a list of 21 meals (7 breakfast, 7 lunches and 7 dinners)  and then go shop for those items that are needed?   If he knew in advance everything he needed was there for him to prepare and eat, would that some how make it easier on you guys?    You could do this each weekend and then not really have to worry about it during the week.  Maybe ask if he could put hot water in his pans to soak so it's easier to clean.    I haven't had these types of issues, and I hope you can find a solution.  Also getting everything you need at once would definitely save some money if you can buy in volume and it's something he will eat on a continuing rotation.

 

We've tried this. It's a fight to get him to make a menu and it's a bigger fight to get him to stick to it, even loosely. I've showed him the family menu for the week so he knows where he needs to fill in, I've offered to make all his baked goods one day a week. If I make ore than one thing in advance for the week he either eats it all in one day or decides the next day that's it's gone bad and won't eat it. I'm not getting up at 5am every morning to make him fresh, allergen free muffins. Once or twice a week sure, but not every day.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

oh man I can relate to some of that--my son has Asperger's and has sensory issues with foods....UGH drives me completely insane!!! We're at the point now that he doesn't want to touch the food with his hands-we've tried tongs,chop sticks,plastic forks,food prep gloves LOL nothing......no advice really,but it couldn't hurt to try....it is sooo hard when dealing with a kiddo with food issues.....

[Walking-Iris]

My soon to be 11 year old is similar. I have also experienced the stress, financial worry when grocery shopping, and just general worry over my child's nutrition.

 

 

I also have watched him refuse to eat to the point of sickness, gag and get sick when attempting to eat something that goes against his severe oral sensory issues. And not to mention the strain of family get togethers or going out to eat with friends....

 

OP I know you said you didn't want advice, but have you researched if a children's hospital near you has a clinic to help with eating issues. I recently found one a bit of a drive from us. Daily food clinic with psychologist, nutritionist and SLP and OTs. Pricy $$ and we'd have to stay in a hotel or a Ronald McDonald's type house. I don't know if we can do it. :(

 

Sometimes we just feel desperate to try anything. If you want to try your idea....try it. ((hugs))

 

I get it!

 

ETA: these kids on the spectrum WILL NOT just eat. OP I'd suggest cross posting this to the special needs board where you'll get less of these sorts of replies. 

 

 

Edited December 31, 2013 by Susan Wise Bauer
Edited to remove uncalled for rudeness in quoted post.

[Plateau Mama]

I would love to know why people believe posts like this are acceptable and/or helpful.

 

This is a mom who is dealing with a situation with which you don't have any intimate familiarity. This child has specific, legitimate issues. And this mom asked right up front for responses that did NOT offer advice about "discipline."

 

Honestly, this comment is so mean-spirited that I literally gasped when I read it.

 thank you. 

I think you have my son's twin.  (And he'll be 12 at the end of January.)

 

I just let my son make his own food.  He also makes a huge mess and does a lousy job cleaning up.  Yes he doesn't eat the healthiest foods.  If I don't buy it, he will not eat and he will steal odd things to eat in the night (like raw macaroni).  So that didn't work. 

 

I wish I had advice.  I think your idea is worth a try.  I totally feel your pain!

I have no problem with him cooking his own food (except fish for breakfast blech), but his diet is so poor it's affecting his health. His dr says his bloodwork looks like that of a chemo patient. His iron levels are dangerously low and his vit d levels are nonexistent. The Dr. Feels that his allergies in part are due to over eating a few specific foods. If we can get him to vary his diet he may be able to tolerate the things we've taken out, IF He eats them in reasonable amounts.

 

I'm trying to figure out a way that he feels he is in control, without breaking the bank. If he feels in control he's more likely to eat healthier. But seriously, thus I'd inspects every piece of food before it goes into his mouth. Every blueberry, every grape, every chocolate chip.

[katilac]

 When the kid gets hungry he will eat.   

 

Absolutely not correct, and shows an extreme lack of knowledge of atypical kids. Those of us with typical kids have the luxury of knowing they will indeed eat when they get hungry. Other kids will not, to the point of becoming malnourished and dangerously underweight. This is not hearsay or anecdotal, but easily researched in medical literature. Some kids can and do endanger their health over food issues, and it is not a discipline issue or a power struggle that the parent can win (without endangering the child). I pity the child who suffers the affects of malnutrition because his parents refuse to 'give in' and 'spoil' him. 

 

OP, I think it has a shot at working. Because he is so contrary, should you present it as one of several options, so he doesn't automatically say no? 

[FriedClams]

If my child were suffering borderline malnutrition due to sensory or other issues - we'd seek whatever medical intervention were necessary to help them. It sounds like that's what needed. Now. While a budget sounds interesting, if their blood levels are affected I would consider the situation an emergency. If you have creative ideas, which you do, I'd discuss them with a therapist or nutritionist or whoever you align with to help you. Best wishes. It sounds like a really difficult time for you and your child. (Hugs)

[Walking-Iris]

 thank you. 

I have no problem with him cooking his own food (except fish for breakfast blech), but his diet is so poor it's affecting his health. His dr says his bloodwork looks like that of a chemo patient. His iron levels are dangerously low and his vit d levels are nonexistent. The Dr. Feels that his allergies in part are due to over eating a few specific foods. If we can get him to vary his diet he may be able to tolerate the things we've taken out, IF He eats them in reasonable amounts.

 

I'm trying to figure out a way that he feels he is in control, without breaking the bank. If he feels in control he's more likely to eat healthier. But seriously, thus I'd inspects every piece of food before it goes into his mouth. Every blueberry, every grape, every chocolate chip.

 

With my ds it's also that control issue that is common with Asperger's. You didn't mention is the sensory issues were due to spectrum or just sensory issues due to allergies. I have a dear friend with a ds who has severe allergies and sensory issues because of them. 

 

I've found that giving my ds all the control means that he eats less. I have to balance it with compromise. Eat xyz all you want, BUT you have to try xyz. 

 

We also had an anemia scare, but generally that's kept under control with vitamins and sneaky cooking.

 

I try to hide other foods in things he will eat.

 

I worry that my ds's gastrointestinal issues are due to a limited diet. We've had to see a pediatric gastroenterologist for the issues. Resolved but recently coming back. 

 

I understand how a limited diet can be exhausting budget wise. Even though my ds doesn't eat a lot of things, he eats a lot of what he will eat. Those foods would last awhile if he were eating other things throughout the week. 

 

Our doctor recently suggested not making him a separate dinner. He has to sit at table with us, with a plate of food, can't get up without taking a bite. We try this with other foods too. It literally took me months!!! to get him to eat an entire banana.

 

I understand that you're not just dealing with run of the mill picky eating phase. I've cried and lost sleep over the years from this. 

[Berta]

I have a 21 yr old son with high functioning autism. I wish I had a dime for every time someone told me I needed to discipline him. Over time I have come to understand that people without kids on the spectrum truly cannot fathom what it is like.

 

My son ate a total of five things for his first 15 yrs. He will not eat anything out that is not pre-packaged. He will eat what I make at home, but he will stand there and watch everything that I make before he will eat it.

 

Someone mentioned not being able to wash dishes because of the feel of soapy water. I solved that problem by buying rubber gloves. Platex makes kitchen gloves and that is the ONLY way he will touch a dish in the sink.

[Walking-Iris]

Anyone who says a child will eat anything if they are hungry enough DOES NOT have a sensory child. Period. You can argue with me/us all day long but it's a false statement. I dare you to take my child for a week and force him to eat. I sure hope you like cleaning up vomit.

 

I get it, if you don't have a child with issues that statement is 100% correct. Do you know how hard it is for me to force my other children to eat what I tell them when their brother doesn't? But I do it. (Yes, I choose to only not discipline one of my children.)

 

  

I haven't sent him to something as intense as you are describing but he did see an occupational therapist who is THE person to go to for food issues. We were on a wait list for almost a year. We saw her for a year. Nothing came of it. I'm getting ready to send him to a counselor and maybe a nutritionist.

 

We also tried the OT and a SLP. It was helpful in other areas but not this one. I wish we could afford a more rigorous treatment, but we live in a rural area and the traveling and price is prohibitive. It's rough to fix this one!

[mommymilkies]

(I specifically asked for no advice on the issues. I'm just wanting input on the budget idea.)

 

Because of his sensory issues this is not true. He will not eat what is there if he gets hungry enough. He will just not eat until he gets physically sick. And if I force him to eat something he doesn't want he will get physically sick. And I understand he is old enough to clean up after himself, what I said was he will eliminate whatever food I ask him to clean up. I'm not going to argue the rights and wrongs of this. This is how it is. This morning I told him he would have to hand wash whatever dishes he used because the DW was running and the housekeeper was coming. He said he didn't want to do the dishes so he wouldn't eat.

I agree for most kids, just stopping buying junk.  But it's not always that easy, and I have one kid going to a SPD for this same thing.  She will literally starve herself.  Have you taken him to an OT or ST?  He's not too old.  I would work on transitioning him in therapeutic ways to try more foods-learning to cook, having to help make healthier choices at the store together, etc. 

[Plateau Mama]

What about vitamin supplements or even those nutritional drinks?

 

I can't find a vitamin he can have. He used to do a lot of nutritional drinks. Since his allergies were discovered I havent found one that he can and will drink. The ones he can drink, I'm not even sure I'd drink them and I don't have issues. They smell bad or are gritty two huge no, no's with him.

 

For those of you who think its my fault let me give you an example to how sensitive he is (not that you will care or see the light). This kid can tell if I change the brand to something. I can put it in the same package, he will know. He's allergic to dairy now, but when we would travel to Florida he wouldn't drink the milk because he swears it tastes funny. There is no reason for him to make that up. And he consistently said that for years. (We travel there 2-3 times a year.). Every trip we'd pour the milk and not say anything every time he'd swear the milk was different and refuse to drink it. I can go to Colorado and he'd drink the milk, it was just Florida.

[Walking-Iris]

And I don't understand why people refuse to accept the responsibility of actually parenting their children.  My daughter is ADHD and has food allergies and sensitivities as well and I never had this kind of battle with her. 

 

And again. All kids with developmental issues are not the same. You don't have the food issues? Lucky you!!!

 

I say researching clinics, OTs, nutritionists, vitamins, going to various doctors, tweaking recipes and menus, and so on *is* taking responsibility for a special needs child.

[Moxie]

OP, give the budget idea a try. It can't make things worse, right?

[Walking-Iris]

OP have you tried Animal Parade vitamins? They are gluten, soy, dairy, and so on free. Also no dyes or preservatives etc. 

[Pawz4me]

OP, I agree that you have nothing to lose by at least trying to let him do his own shopping.  If nothing else comes of it, it's a good lesson in budgeting.

 

My youngest had/has only relatively mild food-related sensory issues.  He's not on the spectrum.  But there is absolutely no way on earth that pudding, yogurt or any other squishy food will ever cross his lips.  Ever.  So on a small scale I understand what you're going through.

[RebeccaS]

:grouphug: OP.  I think it's worth a try.  I have a child with issues.  He started refusing to nurse from birth.  He slowly starved himself until he was given an ng tube at 2 months old.  By the time he was 6 months old, he was fully tube-fed.  Years of therapy got him weaned off the tube at 2.5.  Even today, he is barely on the growth charts and refuses so many foods.  One day he'll eat a food, the next day he hates it.  All my other children eat just fine.  

[Artichoke]

Autism and the resulting issues are not a discipline issue. You can believe it all you want but until you've lived it with the OP's actual child, you have no clue as to what you are talking about. If you want to hear the truth you need to be ready to be called out for unkind and hurtful remarks like this. Until you have had a child who will starve themselves, you just do not know what you do not know.

.

I agree with this, but are you still speaking about the op's child here? Have I missed a previous post or thread about her son being autistic?

 

To the op --

 

The budget sounds like a creative solution for the autonomy problems. The one thing I'd personally do if I were in your shoes would be to try to determine beforehand what parts of the problem( if any ) are discipline issues and which are related to an actual medical or developmental problem so I'd know how to handle issues that may crop up with the budget. I'd probably check with my spouse, the docs, and the therapists to try to determine this.

 

For example, if he runs out of money/foods and still refuses to eat will he eventually eat or will you need to provide more of the specific foods? If it's a matter of having to provide the specific foods then then the budget idea will only work if he accepts it.

 

Another example would be the fish -- if I thought it was a discipline issue, then I'd simply not allow him to cook the fish and possible only provide canned fish such as salmon and tuna. If I thought it was truly detrimental to his health and unavoidable, then I'd try to suck it up and deal with the personal discomfort.

 

Whatever the reson for the issue, I wish you the best as you try to find a workable solution.

[itsheresomewhere]

Try Yummi Bears for the vitamins.  They are gluten, nut, dairy, dye, shellfish and a few other things free. 

 

 

To those who don't get it and think it is a discipline issue-  I hope you never have a child with such issues but if you do ketchup helps those words go down.  

[katilac]

:grouphug: OP.  I think it's worth a try.  I have a child with issues.  He started refusing to nurse from birth.  He slowly starved himself until he was given an ng tube at 2 months old.  By the time he was 6 months old, he was fully tube-fed.  Years of therapy got him weaned off the tube at 2.5.  Even today, he is barely on the growth charts and refuses so many foods.  One day he'll eat a food, the next day he hates it.  All my other children eat just fine.  

 

Thanks for sharing. That had to be so hard, watching your baby refuse to nourish himself. Clearly, some children do have inherent (and dangerous) eating issues that cannot be solved simply by enforcing more and stricter discipline. 

[mommymilkies]

What about having him practice shopping with ads to comparison shop, check for coupons, and teach him this as part of an overall "life skills" sort of plan?  That way he can see where the money goes, too. 

[itsheresomewhere]

Just a thought but for those certain snacks- have you checked Amazon's subscribe and save to see if they are any cheaper?

[Plateau Mama]

No, at some point the child learned to listen to his body and reject foods that didn't agree with his system. It's a survival mechanism.  These kids (I have one) will starve before they eat foods their body cannot digest properly. As they mature, they will come to eat more and be more willing to try new things. OT can help them with the sensory issues, but it cannot help their digestive systems mature faster than Mother Nature intended.

 

We added white rice this year. Yeah!!!

 this is it exactly. He has never eaten red meat. We've tried, the therapist has tried, grandma has tried. Guess what he tested IGE positive to? Yup, beef.  

I agree for most kids, just stopping buying junk.  But it's not always that easy, and I have one kid going to a SPD for this same thing.  She will literally starve herself.  Have you taken him to an OT or ST?  He's not too old.  I would work on transitioning him in therapeutic ways to try more foods-learning to cook, having to help make healthier choices at the store together, etc.

 

he loves to cook. He will always help cooking. It does not make him more open to trying new foods.  

With my ds it's also that control issue that is common with Asperger's. You didn't mention is the sensory issues were due to spectrum or just sensory issues due to allergies. I have a dear friend with a ds who has severe allergies and sensory issues because of them. 

 

I've found that giving my ds all the control means that he eats less. I have to balance it with compromise. Eat xyz all you want, BUT you have to try xyz. 

 

We also had an anemia scare, but generally that's kept under control with vitamins and sneaky cooking.

 

I try to hide other foods in things he will eat.

 

I worry that my ds's gastrointestinal issues are due to a limited diet. We've had to see a pediatric gastroenterologist for the issues. Resolved but recently coming back. 

 

I understand how a limited diet can be exhausting budget wise. Even though my ds doesn't eat a lot of things, he eats a lot of what he will eat. Those foods would last awhile if he were eating other things throughout the week. 

 

Our doctor recently suggested not making him a separate dinner. He has to sit at table with us, with a plate of food, can't get up without taking a bite. We try this with other foods too. It literally took me months!!! to get him to eat an entire banana.

 

I understand that you're not just dealing with run of the mill picky eating phase. I've cried and lost sleep over the years from this.

 

 

I've tried sneaking foods in, he catches me every time. For a long period (2-3 years) we had him sit at the table even if he wasn't eating. Actually we still do, now we let him make his meal, but it has to be done when we are ready to eat or he has to wait. 

If my child were suffering borderline malnutrition due to sensory or other issues - we'd seek whatever medical intervention were necessary to help them. It sounds like that's what needed. Now. While a budget sounds interesting, if their blood levels are affected I would consider the situation an emergency. If you have creative ideas, which you do, I'd discuss them with a therapist or nutritionist or whoever you align with to help you. Best wishes. It sounds like a really difficult time for you and your child. (Hugs)

his dr is giving him till April to get his levels up before taking the next step (whatever that is)  

You realize you just called the OP a lazy parent, right?? So rude.

  yes, because the hours I've taken to drive him to specialists and OT appointments and the thousands of $$ on medical expenses aren't enough.  I'm still willing to let any of the naysayers take him for a week or month and fix him for me. Heck I'll even pay you if you are successful. ]

I am truly saddened that this thread has turned into name calling and a lack of support.  There is a way to express an opinion without cutting down others who are responding and trying to help.  The OP asked for feedback on a specific idea that she had.  She has obviously done extensive research and has tried many things to deal with her son's issues and is asking if others think this idea will work.  There ARE children who will starve themselves, there ARE children for whom normal parenting and discipline techniques simply do not work.  These are not NT children.  This does not mean that non-NT kids should be given free reign, but I don't see the OP as giving him free reign.  She is trying to find ways to work through a very difficult situation with a non-NT child.  Only she can know what she has done to deal with things.  She asked specifically for parents not to address the other issue, only the budgeting idea.  I would hope that people would respect her wishes.

 thank you  

I agree with this, but are you still speaking about the op's child here? Have I missed a previous post or thread about her son being autistic?

To the op --

The budget sounds like a creative solution for the autonomy problems. The one thing I'd personally do if I were in your shoes would be to try to determine beforehand what parts of the problem( if any ) are discipline issues and which are related to an actual medical or developmental problem so I'd know how to handle issues that may crop up with the budget. I'd probably check with my spouse, the docs, and the therapists to try to determine this.

For example, if he runs out of money/foods and still refuses to eat will he eventually eat or will you need to provide more of the specific foods? If it's a matter of having to provide the specific foods then then the budget idea will only work if he accepts it.

Another example would be the fish -- if I thought it was a discipline issue, then I'd simply not allow him to cook the fish and possible only provide canned fish such as salmon and tuna. If I thought it was truly detrimental to his health and unavoidable, then I'd try to suck it up and deal with the personal discomfort.

Whatever the reson for the issue, I wish you the best as you try to find a workable solution.

I do think the cooking fish is a discipline issue. He rarely made fish until he realized I couldn't stand the smell, now he wants to make it 3-4x a day. I will deal with it for lunch and dinner but I am going to stand firm at breakfast. It won't kill him to eat something else for breakfast.

[LucyStoner]

I agree with this, but are you still speaking about the op's child here? Have I missed a previous post or thread about her son being autistic?

 

No, she did not but with sensory issues unresolved after years and 12 months with the best expert in her area on the topic? I figure it is not a discipline issue, but a pretty severe sensory issue on par with autism, if not autism related. If you have met a child with food issues you know that you can't compare them to average NT kids or really even to any other kid with food issues. You've met the one child. Not the OP child. Being told that it's a discipline and failure to parent issue is just totally hogwash, on top of it just being plain nasty.

[Plateau Mama]

OP have you tried Animal Parade vitamins? They are gluten, soy, dairy, and so on free. Also no dyes or preservatives etc.

 

 these look safe for him. Thanks!  

Try Yummi Bears for the vitamins.  They are gluten, nut, dairy, dye, shellfish and a few other things free. 

 

 

To those who don't get it and think it is a discipline issue-  I hope you never have a child with such issues but if you do ketchup helps those words go down.

 

 these look safe too. Thank you! Now off to locate them locally so I can check the labels more closely. 

Just a thought but for those certain snacks- have you checked Amazon's subscribe and save to see if they are any cheaper?

. I order some things from there, but most I can't find. :-(

[LucyStoner]

Will he eat smoked fish or lox for breakfast? One of my son's favorite breakfasts in smoked salmon and cream cheese on a bagel. Yummy fish taste w/o the stomach turning fish garbage smell. It's salty, but it's a good way to get those omega 3s.

[Plateau Mama]

Will he eat smoked fish or lox for breakfast? One of my son's favorite breakfasts in smoked salmon and cream cheese on a bagel. Yummy fish taste w/o the stomach turning fish garbage smell. It's salty, but it's a good way to get those omega 3s.

Nope, won't eat smoked fish, or canned.

[zoobie]

Nope, won't eat smoked fish, or canned.

Outdoor grill? :)

 

My grandmother used to set out a bowl of white vinegar and light a candle when she cooked fish. She hated the smell and her exhaust fan was pitiful.

[prairiewindmomma]

The only thing I kinda wonder about is if he's needing more calories, is limiting him to $50 a good idea? My 11.5 yo eats through about 4000 calories a day as he is growing up an inch a month.

 

Oldest has sensory issues and mild oral sensory stuff---taking a "when you are an adult" approach has been helpful. We studied nutrition and menu planning and we've been working on basic kitchen skills.

 

Caked on oatmeal is disgusting. We have taught him to make it in the microwave with a papertowel underneath. If it overflows, all he has to do is throw away the papertowel. Our dishwasher takes care of the rest. If this is a big issue, buy the kid a stack of cheap paper bowls if he is willing to use them.

 

Oldest has learned to like rice this year made in a ricemaker. Something about the texture changed. Basmati or jasmine are both ok. They've been a great resource for calories. I toss that out there because it came to mind for some reason--in any event, he can make it himself.

[LMV]

It sounds like to me that you don't want to hear the truth and that is that it is a discipline issue.

 

It sounds to me like he has selective eating or some variation on this theme.  This can be very difficult to treat (and to further complicate the whole issue there is much debate whether it needs to be treated, whether it is an ED, whether it has the potential to morph into pediatric anorexia nervosa, etc) so I totally understand why a parent trying to raise, nourish, and advocate for a child with this would be frustrated and striving to come up with a workable plan even if it involved an outside the box approach. 

[school17777]

For those of you who think its my fault let me give you an example to how sensitive he is (not that you will care or see the light). This kid can tell if I change the brand to something. I can put it in the same package, he will know. He's allergic to dairy now, but when we would travel to Florida he wouldn't drink the milk because he swears it tastes funny. There is no reason for him to make that up. And he consistently said that for years. (We travel there 2-3 times a year.). Every trip we'd pour the milk and not say anything every time he'd swear the milk was different and refuse to drink it. I can go to Colorado and he'd drink the milk, it was just Florida.

 

 

With  my last pregnancy, I could taste the difference between a certain store brand and other milk.  To this day, we don't buy that store brand anymore and it used to be the main milk that we bought up until I got pregnant.  So I have have no doubt that he could taste the difference.

[Jennifer-72]

Feeding issues are so hard to deal with.

 

We were lucky that an OT using the SOS approach to feeding dramatically changed ds's feeding issues. I know you didn't want any advice, I mention it for anyone else reading that may find the information useful. It really was a huge difference for my ds. He went from eating about 10-15 items total (which really was more like 6 foods since many of his foods were really just different kinds of crackers) to eating most things I put in front of him.

 

One product that was a big help nutritionally was ultra care for kids. It is a protein powder for kids that has vitamins in it and is made to be hypoallergenic. It is expensive though and I don't really know if it would be nutritionally helpful for an older child ds was 3-5 when we used it. Might be something to check into though.

 

Hopefully you can find a workable solution for all of you.

[LMV]

Plateau--

 

Hugs and empathy.   :grouphug:

 

I tend to agree with others, you're at a point where it makes sense to try this and see if it helps.  I hope it does.  Also if you haven't read the Lask and Bryant-Waugh book on this topic you might find it a helpful resource.  

[LMV]

It is truly horrible...

 

And I'm sure there are kids whose parents starve and beat over "behavior" issues, too.

 

That was a big piece of our daughter's life before she came to live with us.  Although it is my impression that her "behavior" issues really weren't anything more than existing as a child (i.e., I suspect she was quite neurotypical when she was younger and it is very sad to me to reflect on where things went from there).

[unsinkable]

Very horrible. My son went a very long time without eating when I attempted to get hard core about it. Then he started stealing weird food like uncooked rice and pasta. And he'd munch on that in bed. I'd find empty boxes of the stuff. He was pretty desperate. I didn't want him eating that stuff like that. I can't starve my kid to make him not have food issues. I'm not mean enough apparently.

 

And then oddly my other son will eat anything.

I'm so sorry. (((Hugs))) that hard to be horrible.

 

That was a big piece of our daughter's life before she came to live with us. Although it is my impression that her "behavior" issues really weren't anything more than existing as a child (i.e., I suspect she was quite neurotypical when she was younger and it is very sad to me to reflect on where things went from there).

That is so sad. Oh, my god. (((Hugs)))