Jodi-FL Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 after 12 years of homeschooling our 7 kids ages 17-almost 3, my husband has decided (through his friendship with the superintendent of schools) to send our kids to public school. I just came back from the last meet and greet and I am overwhelmed with grief, sadness, anger with a twinge of bitterness. the elementary school is sad: dark, windows on the bars (hurricane laws), etc. My Kindergartener (who is reading and VERY independent) refused to color the picture of the barn laid out at his table for him to color while we filled out all the volunteer forms. He hates coloring books, but if you give him a blank piece of paper he can draw and color (or paint!) a terrific barn with surrounding scenery. his teacher was not amused. these are good schools, but......... how am I ever going to get through this year and keep my relationship with my kids and husband in tact? i don't even know if i'll be able to stop crying.... is there a message board somewhere for former homeschoolers and how to deal with the public school system? Christian content is welcomed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PameliaSue Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:... I am sorry. I will pray for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 after 12 years of homeschooling our 7 kids ages 17-almost 3, my husband has decided (through his friendship with the superintendent of schools) to send our kids to public school. I just came back from the last meet and greet and I am overwhelmed with grief, sadness, anger with a twinge of bitterness. the elementary school is sad: dark, windows on the bars (hurricane laws), etc. My Kindergartener (who is reading and VERY independent) refused to color the picture of the barn laid out at his table for him to color while we filled out all the volunteer forms. He hates coloring books, but if you give him a blank piece of paper he can draw and color (or paint!) a terrific barn with surrounding scenery. his teacher was not amused. these are good schools, but......... how am I ever going to get through this year and keep my relationship with my kids and husband in tact? i don't even know if i'll be able to stop crying.... is there a message board somewhere for former homeschoolers and how to deal with the public school system? Christian content is welcomed I am so sorry. I fear that I have no advice. I am not proud to admit that such a situation would cause untold harm to my marriage. I hurt for you as I consider how I would feel in your shoes and I have said a prayer for you just now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wheezie Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I'm sorry too. I'll be praying for you as well.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laylamcb Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 :grouphug: Have you expressed your sadness to your DH? Prayers here, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to you, Jodi. We're struggling with something similar right now, and it's so hard. I will say, though, that I wouldn't allow my husband to make that decision for me without extenuating circumstances (like, I was needing to be committed or I was otherwise ill). I know that some Christian families consider the husband the head of the household, so if that's the situation, then more :grouphug: to you. But I wouldn't and couldn't allow it to happen :( I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. You must be devastated :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Wow, I'm sooo sorry. I haven't "been there," but it sounds like NOT a fun place to be.:grouphug: I will pray for your situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 :grouphug: Oh, honey, I'm so sorry!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You can still be with us!!!!!! I would be very sad too if my dh made this decision without me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdWTMer Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Oh, I'm so sorry. There are no words. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl in NM Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 :grouphug: I'm so sorry! Maybe your dh will come around and let you pull them back out. Just stay involved with your kids education. Work on their homework with them, talk to them about school and how life at school is. Help them to adjust. Make sure you point out every flaw and problem to dh, calmly and nicely, but make sure he knows exactly why you are committed to homeschooling. I'm so sorry you are going through this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in WA Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I have no advice for you but lots of prayer. I will pray for your family. I am not sure how I would handle this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 after 12 years of homeschooling our 7 kids ages 17-almost 3, my husband has decided (through his friendship with the superintendent of schools) to send our kids to public school. Wow...I'm so sorry, I don't even know what to say. I agree with Kelli that a unilateral decision like that would shake the foundations of my marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E_Edgerton Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I am very sorry to read your post. I have to admit though, it makes me angry. Why does your husband have the deciding vote here? You have probably been the main provider of your children's education, yet you get no vote to send them off to school? I wish you peace in this, but I really feel that you should have more of a veto power! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepy Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Oh Jodi, I'm so sorry... :grouphug: Does your dh even know how much this upsets you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigitte Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Wow...I'm so sorry, I don't even know what to say. I agree with Kelli that a unilateral decision like that would shake the foundations of my marriage. No words here either. Things would not be pleasant at home for my dh if he made that decision on his own. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferdie Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 That is so hard. I am sure there will be many bright spots of ps once your family gets used to it. Is there anyway you can volunteer in one of your kid's classroom? I volunteered once a week in my son's K class and it was a great way to get to know his peers and understand the teacher's style. It was only 1 1/2 hour commitment, but it gave me invaluable insight. :grouphug: to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I don't even know what to say. If I was still with my husband him making a choice like that without my full agreement would put a serious strain on my marriage. I would harbor serious resentment and bitterness towards him. Mainly because in my family even before we split, when it came to the kids I had 100% control over those decisions. I'll pray for you on this, I can only imagine the amount of hurt you feel over your husband making this choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeOnTheRanch Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Would he consider a compromise? Maybe just send the olders while you keep the youngers at home? Is he open to evaluation after so many weeks, and if the kids aren't doing at least as well (scholastically and emotionally) at school, then you can bring them home again? I can't imagine. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I don't know what to day. (((Hugs))) I do agree with some of the others about what that type of dictatorial decision would lead to in my marriage though. I hope you can work through this. (((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Would he consider a compromise? Maybe just send the olders while you keep the youngers at home? Is he open to evaluation after so many weeks, and if the kids aren't doing at least as well (scholastically and emotionally) at school, then you can bring them home again? I can't imagine. :grouphug: I agree with this! Can't some kind of compromise be made? Does he know how you truly feel? Why did he suddenly decide this? I'm friends with some principals and teachers, and the superintendent of education in our Church Education system---but I'm NOT sending my kids to ps or Christian Schools becuase I'm friends with these people! I'm just so sorry! I got tears in my eyes just reading it, so I can only imagine how you feel!:crying: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Please keep us updated on what happens! And please stay here with us, even if your kids DO go back to school, we'll support you either way!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frontier Mom Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 No words here either. Things would not be pleasant at home for my dh if he made that decision on his own. :grouphug: Amen, sister. This just doesn't seem fair to you because, from what you describe, you know in your heart this isn't right for your family. How sad that he would put a friendship with the District Supt. before what's right for his family. Sorry, but this just makes me downright angry. I am sorry you are going through this. Any half-witted ps official would want a homeschooling family because, as statistics show, children with involved parents do much better in school. Plus, the educational district just got at least one, maybe two new jobs based upon the money putting your children in the ps system generates. Currently, my district gets about $3,500 per child so, if they get my four dc's, that is $14,000. I hope you can reconcile this. Sorry, but my dh and I would not see eye to eye on this at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jolash Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Wow,,, I don't even know what to say. Sorry you are going through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristavws Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 :grouphug: so sorry to hear about your situation, and will keep you in my prayers. I too was bothered by the decision being made unilaterally. I personally would be hurt if my dh valued the opinion of a friend over that of the friend he married. Would it help to bring in a neutral third party, such as a pastor, into the situation? Krista Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MicheleinMN Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I too am so sorry!! I hate to admit my dh made a decision a few years ago that shook our relationship to the core, and we are still recovering from it. (It was not about homeschooling, thankfully.) Only you know if there is room for compromise. Michele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Atl Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Wow...I'm so sorry, I don't even know what to say. I agree with Kelli that a unilateral decision like that would shake the foundations of my marriage. I'm also floundering... I really don't know what to say. I can't imagine a decision this important being made by only one parent. All I can do is send a :grouphug: and hope you can find some strength to talk openly to your husband about your feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiegirl Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 :grouphug: Jodi, my heart is very heavy for you right now. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Last summer, my dh decided that our children should go to school. I was devastated! I couldn't imagine not being with my children all day. I told him how I felt. When he told the kids about his decision, they made such a fuss that he changed his mind. But I am sure there will come time when the children become older that I will have to face this again. Please know that I am hugging you in my heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadiegirl Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I am so sorry for you and your kids. In our circumstances, my husband has expressed desire to place the kids in ps(because of how little there is in our community for homeschoolers and he feels they are missing friendships, connections, experiences). I guess when and if the situation arises in a serious way, I would gather support from his parents as they love that we homeschool and see the benefits. I am sooo sorry and pray for you all to make the best of whatever your situation remains. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaMere Academy Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I would have been crying at the meet and greet. You have to talk with your dh and pray, pray, pray for a change of his heart. I would fight tooth and nail to keep them home, but only you know what's best in your situation. If you must, try it for a month or two and see. Tell dh ahead of time that if your children are not happy and thriving, then they will come back home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane Elliot Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Jodi, I just don't even know what to say. I am so sorry!!! I'll be praying for you. Please stick around here. Your input is invaluable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam "SFSOM" in TN Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 after 12 years of homeschooling our 7 kids ages 17-almost 3, my husband has decided (through his friendship with the superintendent of schools) to send our kids to public school. I just came back from the last meet and greet and I am overwhelmed with grief, sadness, anger with a twinge of bitterness. the elementary school is sad: dark, windows on the bars (hurricane laws), etc. My Kindergartener (who is reading and VERY independent) refused to color the picture of the barn laid out at his table for him to color while we filled out all the volunteer forms. He hates coloring books, but if you give him a blank piece of paper he can draw and color (or paint!) a terrific barn with surrounding scenery. his teacher was not amused. these are good schools, but......... how am I ever going to get through this year and keep my relationship with my kids and husband in tact? i don't even know if i'll be able to stop crying.... is there a message board somewhere for former homeschoolers and how to deal with the public school system? Christian content is welcomed Oh, I am so sorry. You know, you will fiercely hold onto your kids and you won't lose them. You REALLY won't. All sorts of schooling has happened in our house, and the one constant is the deep love that we have for one another. No institution or group will take that from you. I am so sorry. And you know, you HAVE to let your husband know the grief that you are experiencing. Else he'll think this is all just fine and hunkydory with you. Even if it involves tears, or tears for a very long time on lots of occasions. If this is tearing you apart, you really must let him know. Strength for the journey to you, Jodi. I hope you can find a small measure of peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom31257 Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I can't imagine this happening in my life, but will be praying for you. I know we don't always understand the things that come our way in life, but know that God is ultimately the one taking care of your children. He knows what is best for them now and in the future. I will be praying that if your dh made this decision without consulting the Lord, that He would quickly reveal to him that it wasn't right and correct it. If this is part of the Lord's plan for you and your children now, then hold on and rejoice! There could be blessings in store that you can't even imagine right now. He is the spiritual head of your family, and bitterness toward him will only make your own life and your homelife miserable. My dh tried very desperately last spring to leave the public school he teaches in and for us to move closer to a sick family member. He couldn't find a job elsewhere so we're still here. Last week I had to pack up my kids and our school work to go take care of this family member. We were gone the whole week my dh had his first classes. I was asking God why didn't he move us there because it would be so much easier. I'm not sure of all the reasons; however, my dh was asked this past Sunday to teach a class this fall in a Bible college nearby. Maybe that's why we're still here. Maybe it's a new direction for him, which, honestly, would be a huge blessing to him. Keep going to the Lord for help! He's right there waiting to comfort you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trivium Academy Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Oh Jodi, :grouphug: This would kill me and everything I want to say to bring some type of comfort just falls flat. I guess I would meet the their teachers and write a letter explaining what your children's strengths and weaknesses are to help the transition? I'm praying for your family Jodi, for peace and discernment through this. It might be a door opening for you to do ministry even in the short-term somewhere else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 All I can say is what is wrong wih him?! I live in Florida....I would NEVER put my kid in a public school here. I was a poor nursing student and had dd in a Montessori school - which meant living in a trailer park with a bunch of illegal Mexicans so that I could afford her school. But there was no way I could go to school knowing she was trapped in a Florida public school. They are dark and depressing. I know I will get it from everyone here - but sometimes we have to do what is best for our kids. I would never let anyone tell me what to do with my kids if it went against everything I believe in....married or not! I can tell you this - when mama ain't happy, ain't no body happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*anj* Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I am so sorry. I fear that I have no advice. I am not proud to admit that such a situation would cause untold harm to my marriage. I hurt for you as I consider how I would feel in your shoes and I have said a prayer for you just now. :iagree: I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I'm so sorry. I don't get it though. Your DH gets to make unilateral decisions about your kids' education without your support? I don't get that part. My DH can sleep in the car if he wants to try something like that here. Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*anj* Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I would have been crying at the meet and greet. Then you're a better woman than I because I wouldn't have gone to the meet and greet. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmac Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I don't know what to say, but I wish you the best. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CLHCO Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 This is one of those situations where I really don't know what is "best". From a Christian perspective, the biggest argument would be to follow his lead, assume it's right, and go with it. But I can't help but to have thoughts go through my head that there are times to *respectfully* refuse. I suppose it depends on what your convictions are for homeschooling. As a Christian, I see how 4 out of 5 children of evangelical Christians walk away from the faith and I'm just not willing to look at my 4 kids and decide to toss most of them out. 94% of homeschoolers continue in the faith of their parents, by contrast. I fully realize these "statistics" are not without error and circumstances vary a great deal, though there is some value in them when you can see how easy it is to lose the heart of your children to the culture and peers. I also have a responsibility to their mental, emotional, social, and educational health. If this school is bad for every single one of those, it crosses a line in my mind. You can't undo some early experiences. I'm going to tell you what I would likely do, which has a very good chance of being downright sinful and others can declare I'm a heretic who should not give such advice. So be it. I'm not saying it's biblical, I'm saying it's what I'd likely do. I say this because I think there is a case to be made, in my own personal convictions, where I would have to look my dh in the eye, tell him I love and respect him, I understand he has full rights to also guide his children, but I am commanded to be the keeper at home (keeper, if memory serves, is a word more like a guard than a house keeper) and I'm to love my children, train them up. I would apologetically inform him that I would not sign a single piece of paper, I would not get them ready for school, etc. If he wants to use his leadership authority to destroy our marriage and our family, I can't stop him, but I don't have to participate. Edited to add: I read other responses about how it could be a blessing. I suppose that's true. You can hold on to kids in public schools. Statistics don't show us the families whose children walk away. It's possible the ones who stay are all from the same families because they held tight. You know what you're getting into and will have more power because of this if you decide to go with your husband on this. Again, I didn't say mine was the "right" thing. I said it's what I'd do. Oh, and for what it's worth, my DH says I should do just that if he ever does something of that nature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RenayofRohan Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I will be praying for you! :grouphug: Someone recently told me that communication is clarification. It's not necessarily trying to get the other person to agree with your side. It's two people coming together to state their views, opinions, concerns, and insights. I'm sure you have tried to talk to him about your concerns. Can you try again, calmly and respectfully, without the kids around or at least in private, and ask God to give you the words to really clarify what you are feeling and what you think? With a decision as big as this, he should have discussed this with you. I think it could be worth even bringing in a 3rd party, like a pastor, for wise counsel, if you could ask your husband if he was willing to at least give you that. From LaMere Academy: :iagree: "You have to talk with your dh and pray, pray, pray for a change of his heart. I would fight tooth and nail to keep them home, but only you know what's best in your situation. If you must, try it for a month or two and see. Tell dh ahead of time that if your children are not happy and thriving, then they will come back home." And if your husband won't budge...keep praying for his heart, do not give into bitterness and make sure that the children see that you still love and honor him. You can put your hope and trust in the Lord, that He loves you and your kids so much. HE will bring you through this.;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I'm so sorry. The school thing will be manageable. The marriage issue though. That, for me, would be devastating. I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 How disheartening! I'm so sorry.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Staci in MO Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I'm so sorry. I don't get it though. Your DH gets to make unilateral decisions about your kids' education without your support? I don't get that part. My DH can sleep in the car if he wants to try something like that here. Jen :iagree: My dh does not get to make these decisions without my input and yes, we are Christians. That is probably not much help for you but you need to stand up for yourself and kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I'm sorry, that's really hard!! I just know that if it were me, I'd be letting dh know how strongly I disagreed and that any and all negative issues resulting from that choice would be placed directly at his feet. He would be checking homework on a rotating basis with me and taking full responsibility for the choice to put them in public school. Major decisions about public school would fall on him, all papers to be signed and all permission slips, etc. Every week he'd get a stack of public school excellence to manage. I'm a Christian wife, but that would be a huge deal to me and I wouldn't let that decision be made for me without him becoming REALLY involved in the REAL life consequences of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 What do you mean, "my husband has decided"? How did that decision come about ~ and why is the superintendent of public schools granted a say in the matter? Marriage is teamwork, not a one man show, and to that end, he has no right (imo, and I am Christian, fwiw) to make a unilateral decision with no regard to your opinion. Of course, I'm not privy to the back story here and I have no idea what's best for your family or your children's education. I can only hope that you're able to engage in a rational discussion and come to a decision that is more comfortable for both of you. (((Jodi))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 :iagree: My dh does not get to make these decisions without my input and yes, we are Christians. That is probably not much help for you but you need to stand up for yourself and kids. We're secular people so that just didn't even occur to me to be what's going on here. But that makes it seem so much more apparent that that life choice would so not work for our family. I simply hope the OP finds the peace she needs in her heart from this. Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Governess Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 :grouphug: I'm so sorry you are facing this. I don't know what else to say; my dh would never make such a big decision without me and I can only imagine how upset I would be if I were in your shoes. I'll pray for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kim in ks Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Would he consider a compromise? Maybe just send the olders while you keep the youngers at home? Is he open to evaluation after so many weeks, and if the kids aren't doing at least as well (scholastically and emotionally) at school, then you can bring them home again? I can't imagine. :grouphug: This was also my thinking! also I'm praying you'll have an opportunity to share openly w/ your DH how you really feel about this kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Jodi, didn't you post a while back that you were getting ready for major surgery? :confused: Perhaps your dh is concerned for your health and doesn't want you to have the stress of hsing for a while. Not that I agree with what he's done, but it would help explain why he's going to such an extreme. Does he know that the stress of sending the children to school is breaking your heart? I'm so sorry you are going through this. :crying: My family and I will pray for you and your family. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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