LucyStoner Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 The fact that she unilaterally turned what has been a cooperative meal into 95% her decision isn't ok. I'd be pissed too and Brussels sprouts are regularly on my holiday table and I don't dislike quinoa. :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Now, see, with a really good friend, you should be able to say, "Honey, I'm glad you're wanting to improve your diet, but I gotta tell you that my family and I are totally not into quinoa. Suppose we each bring/prepare smaller amounts of our family's favorite food, put everything on the table, and let people have at it? Then we can still keep our family traditions." I agree. IMO, it's the height of rudeness to impose one's dietary choices on another, without regard for their practices or sensitivities. As hostess, her responsibility to be gracious to her guests should overide her individual preferences for an all vegan meal, especially as she did not ask about Heather's family's opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I can't survive quinoa. It's vile. Yes, no preparation makes quinoa taste good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsJewelsRae Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Sorry but no. I'd not go along with that. I'd tell her we'll be enjoying both the healthy and traditional fare. I'm used to having to ask people to restrict and exclude things from their menus if we are dining together. My youngest has anaphylactic allergies to several foods, but peanuts especially cannot be present in any foods he eats or those eating with him. That's not a preference, it's necessary, I would never think to control a special meal simply for my own pleasure. It's Christmas- once a year put some butter and sugar in stuff! ;) I'd figure out a way to have both, but if you absolutely cannot bring yourself to disappoint her, at least do your own traditional meal the next day. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirth Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 (edited b/c I just noticed JAWM) Your Christmas will be a tad different but still filled with friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I'd probably cancel since she did away with everything about the meal that was traditional. It is no longer a shared bonding moment. Plus, she gave you next to no notice. KWIM? But then again, that's probably why I don't have a lot of girlfriends. LOL I think you should have your Christmas dinner and then go over to her house to visit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Bringing unsolicited food to another person's hosted event is iffy. The more formal and planned it is, the lower the probability that your food will fit in -- decorwise and flavor wise. It's like someone bringing a tupperware snack tray to a wedding reception. Generally I'd agree with you but in this instance the "hostess" is essentially hijacking a meal that the OP said has been 50-50 cook/prep in the past. We alternate years with friends for Thanksgiving and have long established foods. The husband from that couple always makes sweet potato casserole. If I said "bring nothing" on our hosting year that would be changing the rules of a traditional, cooperative meal and that would be lame. If someone developed a deathly pecan allergy (the casserole he makes has pecans), it would be ok to say "no nuts this year". If I choose to go sugar free though, I'm not going to tell him to not make his casserole, I'm just not going to eat it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I would tell her you are emotionally tied to the unhealthy meal and you all prefer to have the traditional holiday meal with your own family this year. If her family would like to join you, she is welcome to bring along her own food. It's completely unfair for her to try to force her new diet on everyone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirth Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Generally I'd agree with you but in this instance the "hostess" is essentially hijacking a meal that the OP said has been 50-50 cook/prep in the past. We alternate years with friends for Thanksgiving and have long established foods. The husband from that couple always makes sweet potato casserole. If I said "bring nothing" on our hosting year that would be changing the rules of a traditional, cooperative meal and that would be lame. If someone developed a deathly pecan allergy (the casserole he makes has pecans), it would be ok to say "no nuts this year". If I choose to go sugar free though, I'm not going to tell him to not make his casserole, I'm just not going to eat it. (I changed my reply b/c it's a jawm thread). The friend does seem pretty keen on her new food mandate, huh? I like the menu, but I wouldn't go hungry if I weren't used to such fare. "New converts," as someone has named above, are not good at preparing things outside of a few staples. The most questionable thing is the pie. A lot of people just don't understand the physical contributions of sugar to a recipe outside of sweetness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 Ok, I sent her an email response asking would she mind if I brought along some ham and potatoes as my kids won't want to eat the fish or quinoa. I hope she doesn't get super offended. :( But my family was dreading Christmas dinner with her menu and I just couldn't bear that. Wish me luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhanaBee Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Ok, I sent her an email response asking would she mind if I brought along some ham and potatoes as my kids won't want to eat the fish or quinoa. I hope she doesn't get super offended. :( But my family was dreading Christmas dinner with her menu and I just couldn't bear that. Wish me luck. Luck!! ETA; My 18yo [who does like fish and quinoa]just came downstairs and I asked how she would feel about having just those for a Christmas dinner. Her reply: "What? For Christmas? Are you kidding? That's not Christmas dinner! Mom - you're not making that are you?? Not for Christmas!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Definitely have your own Christmas dinner if possible. Maybe you could sneak a Buche de Noel over in your handbag in case the troops start grumbling over the brussels sprouts... I'm totally picturing her sneaking bites of the Buche de Noel from her purse now! I agree - we're pretty healthy eaters and I would never subject anyone to quinoa and brussels sprouts for Christmas dinner. There are tons of ways to make healthy food and have people not even know it's healthy too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
countrygal Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 The only time I had quinoa it tasted like dirt. :ack2: Literally. Like a dirty potato skin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 My sister is a raw vegan. We spent Thanksgiving together. Believe me, I understand! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I like quinoa and I like fish. But not for Christmas! Heather, good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I understand completely - I would absolutely hate to have that for Christmas dinner. Maybe you can just "call" it Dinner with Friends, and plan your real family Christmas dinner for a different day. Anne This is what I would do. Or even make Christmas dinner for lunch before you go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I like quinoa. :) And Brussels sprouts. :) lol. I love both too. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6wildhorses Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Good luck! Hopefully she'll realize that she changed things a bit too much and will be open to compromise. My kids wouldn't eat from that menu either, so it would be no fun to get together for dinner unless I brought our own food. If she isn't open to compromise you could just get together for a few hours to play games or just hang out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 This reminds me of the year my aunt made a big deal about everyone going to her house Christmas Eve for a meal - then she served cornbread and veggie "soup" - thin broth with a few carrots in it. She announced it was a light meal since we'd be feasting the next day. That was it. No other food - no dessert, either. We were starving! Had she told anyone in advance how little she was serving we'd have had a big, late lunch (or stocked up on snacks for later). Hubby and I were in from out of town, and the motel we were staying at had a vending machine - everything else was closed Christmas Eve and peanut butter crackers were our dinner! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I'd let her know that your traditional holiday foods are important to you, and that you will prepare and bring them so that those who want them can have them. She can serve what she wants, and you can bring what you want, and everyone can pick and choose what they want to eat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I would make your dinner on Monday or Tuesday. Then eat the leftovers for breakfast before you go to her house. Then nibble and visit at her house. You could bring your kids a leftover sandwich. :D Sorry your Christmas meal got hijacked. Do your own dinner earlier or later in the day. Or on Christmas Eve. That way you get the tradition and time with your friend. You and your family can laugh about it for years to come as "that Christmas we had the health food at Susan's". Gasp! lol I just got a juicer and we are eating more healthy. But I would either make ham or let Heather bring hers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Ok, I sent her an email response asking would she mind if I brought along some ham and potatoes as my kids won't want to eat the fish or quinoa. I hope she doesn't get super offended. :( But my family was dreading Christmas dinner with her menu and I just couldn't bear that. Wish me luck. She wasn't worried about super-offending you by imposing her new diet plan on you, so you shouldn't worry about offending her with your response. She is way out of line. Honestly, if she asks you not to bring the ham and potatoes, I would suggest that each family have dinner separately and all get together later for dessert. Or is she serving some sort of scary, healthy dessert as well? :eek: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 JFS' post reminded me about a professor I used to work for. He invited me and my friend over for "dinner." I was very excited because I was a poor student and he seemed well-off, living in a big house that he'd inherited from his wife's parents. Well, so they brought out this serving thing that contained 1 or 2 pieces of asparagus for each person, and then there was a bread roll for each, and then . . . that was it. Seriously. I was dying of starvation. LOL. Do people anywhere actually eat like that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Good luck. And I totally JAWY. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Well that stinks. After 5 years of doing this together, though, it seems you could call her and tell her how you feel? Hope it goes well no matter what you eat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 The meal sounds awful. Just awful. Is your friend embracing this new diet as a whim, or do you think she has some kind of health scare? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I am sorry, Heather. I haven't read any other replies. I totally sympathize with you on this one. I, too, would be pretty bummed about it. Is there any way you could have a Christmas dinner with just your family? We will often do 2 days. If one day is at dh's family (say, the 25th) then we'd do our own small family thing the other day (say, the 24th). I do hope you get to enjoy the comforts of your own Christmas foods somehow. I totally understand how important that can be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camelfeet Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I get where you are coming from. We moved to Dubai from Canada and while I think its easier here to keep with our own traditions because of the huge number of expats, its still different enough that we go out of our way to try and recreate a Canadian feel to our special holidays. And yeah, it gets stupid expensive to do so, we've been priced out of getting a ham! For christmas this year I've been invited to a bbq and I'm torn about going. On the one hand, spending it with friends I like while sitting out in the sun sounds great. On the other hand I have a turkey and all the fixings ready to go and going out to a bbq means not having our special xmas dinner.... Now, see, with a really good friend, you should be able to say, "Honey, I'm glad you're wanting to improve your diet, but I gotta tell you that my family and I are totally not into quinoa. Suppose we each bring/prepare smaller amounts of our family's favorite food, put everything on the table, and let people have at it? Then we can still keep our family traditions." I did this for thanksgiving! My friend has decided not to eat "anything with a face". So, she just baked her own tofurkey loaf to add to the dinner while we brought the bird. It was actually kinda fun to have tofurkey (which I had never tried before) in addition that those foods that make it feel traditional to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 She agreed to let me bring a chicken and some mashed potatoes. I have decided I am bringing a real dessert too and I will just play innocent. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 She agreed to let me bring a chicken and some mashed potatoes. I have decided I am bringing a real dessert too and I will just play innocent. ;) Sounds like a plan that will work. You still get the fellowship of friends and you get some food your family will enjoy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Maybe for Christmas you could give her the original version of Little Shop of Horrors. As I remember, Seymore's mom had some weird "healthy eating" practices.... I'm glad you have a good resolution. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I guess I should mention that we traditionally take turns hosting it but no matter where the dinner is we split the cooking so I do half and she does half. That's why this new menu is even more surprising. She basically said she is going to cook it all so she can make sure it fits her new food standards and could I just bring the beverages? I think the idea of another meal with the traditional foods is a good idea. I know her dh and kids hate this new diet but she does the grocery shopping and the cooking and has decided they should all follow this new healthy diet. Luckily my kids are not picky and will eat what she puts in front of us. I would never ruin our friendship over it but I have to admit that it does feel a bit overbearing. I really miss my family back home right now. :( What I don't get about this is, what if it were your turn to cook? Would she not be coming? Or would she be allowed to bring what she's comfortable eating? (Rhetorical. Clearly she'd be bringing what she's comfortable eating!) So why wouldn't you be permitted to bring anything? I realize it's your choice to go along with the plan, and there's nothing wrong with that of course, but why is it that her change in plans trumps all? It doesn't seem unreasonable to bring a few traditional things, if you're up for making them. ETA: Sorry I didn't read far enough along, I see you are bringing something. That's good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 She agreed to let me bring a chicken and some mashed potatoes. I have decided I am bringing a real dessert too and I will just play innocent. ;) Thank goodness. Btw, for holidays, we do mashed potatoes with butter, heavy cream, and sour cream. Can you get any of those in Malasia? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 She agreed to let me bring a chicken and some mashed potatoes. I have decided I am bringing a real dessert too and I will just play innocent. ;) I'm glad you could work something out. We've had lots of holiday meals overseas with friends that don't really feel like what the holiday should feel like, but it's also nice to spend time with other people, even if the food is wrong, wrong, wrong. We can always do our own thing at home another time. And who knows? Maybe you'll add quinoa to your Christmas menu in the future, just for fun. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I've been thinking about this since you posted and I think that the reason she wants to provide all the food is because she wants to control what her family eats. You said that the kids/dad weren't happy with the diet change. I bet she knows that they'll eat your food and not hers. I'm glad to see she's "letting" you bring some of your favorites! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I'm glad it's working out and you're bringing some food. Hopefully this won't become an issue with all of your get togethers. Have a Merry Christmas! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 Thank goodness. Btw, for holidays, we do mashed potatoes with butter, heavy cream, and sour cream. Can you get any of those in Malasia? Yes we have those items. Anything dairy is expensive but usually available. I use butter, milk and cream cheese in mine. I'm going to make a lot of them since I have a feeling they will be needed if they go up against quinoa. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I'm glad you emailed her and are taking some real food. I don't eat fish, brussel sprouts, quinoa, or any kind of sugar substitute, so I would starve at her house. I'm all for being supportive of lifestyle changes, but I would never impose such restrictions on guests. I'm a feeder though, I want people to eat! I get it from my grandma. :D The evil side of me would also be taking soda (soft drinks, pop, whatever you want to call it) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 More ham for you!!! Let me see, mashed potatoes with sour cream, butter, cheese, hmmmmm..... we were at a restaurant where the mashed potatoes were to die for. I think they had buttermilk in them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shukriyya Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 OP, you know you're going to have report back here after the fact and let us know how the food tasted, whether your friend's family inhaled your mashed potatoes and chicken, how it was for you and what else she served :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Oh my goodness, I am sorry. I feel like as a vegetarian healthy eater I need to apologize, lol. But, I never make people eat what I eat, I just don't do that. Now, do I cook meat for them? No, because I don't want to kill them. I've been a vegetarian for most of my life and I don't know how to cook that and I don't have the roasting pans etc. I don't know how to cook it safely. But, if you come to my house for a holiday dinner, please feel free to bring what will make you happy. In fact, I always feel terrible when people make special vegetarian food for my family. I am always so, so happy to make our own entree and bring it. I hate to put people to trouble. I am glad she 'allowed' you to bring your beloved holiday food. That would be my default offer to you to start with, so I am glad she got there eventually. Ha, stress over dietary choices. It's like you are actual family now. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 In fact, I always feel terrible when people make special vegetarian food for my family. I am always so, so happy to make our own entree and bring it. I hate to put people to trouble. As a complete aside? I love to cook and feed people. I have loads of vegetarian dishes in my repertoire. If I'm having you to dinner, then I want to feed you. So, don't feel bad! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I feel the same. I would not feel in the slightest annoyed to cook extra vegetarian foods for guests. I love to cook. That said, if you will only cook me vegan foods, I probably won't come to your house for dinner. LOL Yeah, you and I would be hiding in the bathroom scarfing down the ham sandwiches we smuggled in from home. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in Jax Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I guess I should mention that we traditionally take turns hosting it but no matter where the dinner is we split the cooking so I do half and she does half. That's why this new menu is even more surprising. She basically said she is going to cook it all so she can make sure it fits her new food standards and could I just bring the beverages? I think the idea of another meal with the traditional foods is a good idea. I know her dh and kids hate this new diet but she does the grocery shopping and the cooking and has decided they should all follow this new healthy diet. Luckily my kids are not picky and will eat what she puts in front of us. I would never ruin our friendship over it but I have to admit that it does feel a bit overbearing. I really miss my family back home right now. :( If you called her to say, "I'm homesick, and I'd really like to bring/make some traditional holiday comfort food," how do you think she'd react? Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shukriyya Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I love to cook and feed people. If I'm having you to dinner, then I want to feed you. So, don't feel bad! :) Mrs. Mungo, something about the phrasing of this makes me just feel so darn good :D There is such a generosity of heart to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I'm glad you are going to be able to have food you like for Christmas dinner. FWIW, I think you are being a much better friend than she is, because you are at least trying to be respectful of her new diet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Count me as a meat eating cook who loves to host vegetarians and vegans. It's fun to make sure everyone has something they will love and it's not like meat needs to be in everything. I keep vegetarian better than bullion on hand to make my soups and sauces meat free depending on who is coming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 She agreed to let me bring a chicken and some mashed potatoes. I have decided I am bringing a real dessert too and I will just play innocent. ;) Just so you know... I'm positive that all chicken and mashed potatoes automatically include dessert. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 I'm glad you're taking some old food for your family (and hers). ;) Your taste buds must be dead. :lol: Quinoa is only good when cooked in chicken stock instead of water. The only time I had quinoa it tasted like dirt. :ack2: Literally. Like a dirty potato skin. I like dirt, and potato skins! But, see above. If it wasn't cooked in chicken stock, it was probably nasty. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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