How To Stop Others From Evangelizing to Your Child

[AlmiraGulch]

Then a Unitarian church or whatever. The Unitarians in my hometown ran the full gamut of spiritual beliefs (from atheism to very liberal Christianity).

 

He shouldn't feel the need to join an organization he doesn't want to join in order to avoid pushy evangelists.   They should be taught when it's time to back off. 

[Catwoman]

Things my kids have said to deflect others from things they weren't interested in.

 

"Dude.  That was asked and answered.  Knock it off, 'kay?"

"Hey, have you seen ___________?"  Ie. the ignore it and just keep talking about other interests you share tactic.

"No".  (In answer to "Would you like to _______" of any kind.  No explanation.  Just no.)

And this isn't a verbal answer but is a tactic - avoid specific kids who persist and hang out with the ones who don't.

That makes a lot of sense.

 

It may be a smart idea to start looking at this as being a "how to deal with a child's pushy friend" type of problem, rather than as a religious issue, because that same kid might be just as obnoxious about everything else he thinks is right.

 

The problem isn't that the kid is religious. The problem is that the kid is pushy and rude, and doesn't know when to shut up.

[albeto.]

If the problem is that the child is seen by his/her peers as unchurched and therefore "ripe for the planting", then belonging to a congregation would be an easy way to reduce the evangelizing.

 

So you're suggesting a viable solution is to bring the child to church just so his friends stop trying to evangelize him? What if he doesn't want to go?

 

The problem with that solution, other than the idea that it's potentially overkill, is that unless he joins their church, or a church similar enough to theirs, he's still "ripe." 

[Aelwydd]

That makes a lot of sense.

 

It may be a smart idea to start looking at this as being a "how to deal with a child's pushy friend" type of problem, rather than as a religious issue, because that same kid might be just as obnoxious about everything elsep he thinks is right.

 

The problem isn't that the kid is religious. The problem is that the kid is pushy and rude, and doesn't know when to shut up.

All true. It's a maturity issue as much as anything else.

[Catwoman]

He shouldn't feel the need to join an organization he doesn't want to join in order to avoid pushy evangelists. They should be taught when it's time to back off.

:iagree:

 

Why should Queen's family have to change, when the problem is clearly with the little friend who has some serious boundary issues?

[Catwoman]

All true. It's a maturity issue as much as anything else.

:iagree:

 

I wonder if the kid's parents are aware that he's so pushy. Ordinarily, I would assume that he learned the evangelizing stuff from his mom and dad, but they might know when it's time to quit, while this child clearly does not.

[Rosie_0801]

I have to be honest. If my 4yo started believing in a bunch of different gods and no one else in the family had any interest in it, I wouldn't encourage it. I don't really believe a 4yo is capable of deciding which religion is right for him, because it's such a complex thing.

 

I think a 4 year old is better able to develop their own religion than many people older because, for one thing, they don't know it is such a complex thing yet. A self developed religion in a 4 year old is going to suit that 4yo's needs perfectly and they will amend it as they need to as they go along.

 

Off topic, but I'm supposed to be cleaning the car and I don't really want to...

[albeto.]

 Joining a congregation so that you don't get harassed sounds as stupid and oppressive advising someone to stay in the closet so that they don't get beat up for being gay. 

 

Yes.

 

Oh, yes.

 

Hiding to avoid Christians hostility is not a decent solution.

 

Sadly, unless the OP's son doesn't mind being ostracized by his friends and community, he doesn't really have much of a choice, does he? That is, unless they realize they're being mean to their friend. But, if they think they're being nice, or Jesus is more important, then really his choices are limited if he wants friends.

 

Hey Goddess, you can come live in my neighborhood. You and your family will be safe to be who you want here. 

 

:)

[Catwoman]

I think a 4 year old is better able to develop their own religion than many people older because, for one thing, they don't know it is such a complex thing yet. A self developed religion in a 4 year old is going to suit that 4yo's needs perfectly and they will amend it as they need to as they go along.

 

Off topic, but I'm supposed to be cleaning the car and I don't really want to...

GO CLEAN THE CAR!!!!

 

Sorry, but someone had to say it. ;) :D

[Rosie_0801]

I did a bit.  :coolgleamA:

Then I came back for my scheduled procrastination.  :sneaky2:

[Catwoman]

I did a bit. :coolgleamA:

Then I came back for my scheduled procrastination. :sneaky2:

I am semi-proud of you right now for your partially completed task. :D

[gardenmom5]

If the problem is that the child is seen by his/her peers as unchurched and therefore "ripe for the planting", then belonging to a congregation would be an easy way to reduce the evangelizing.

 

no - because it would be "the wrong" congregation.  ask me how I know . . . .

[RanchGirl]

Sorry I only read the first page, I haven't experienced this.  A simple invitation to attend a church activity seems easy to reject with  "no thanks" so without specific examples it's unclear to me how this rises to the level of pestering and harassment that the OP described, much less the "bullying" label given by another poster.

 

Irregardless... (my current favorite word)

 

In general, if another child was pestering and annoying my child in my presence, and my child was not assertive enough to handle it himself, I would gently touch the offending child on the arm to get his full attention and politely but firmly say something like "Johnny has stated he is not interested, so it's time to move to another topic.  You have so many other things in common, let's focus on those.  How is your new puppy?"  This is assuming that your child wants to be friends with this kid.  If your son isn't able to even say he's not interested, or no thanks, or something to politely discourage this topic, then I would encourage him to start with that before I stepped in to reinforce it. 

[Guest submarines]

The problem isn't that the child doesn't have a church. The problem is the child's friends won't stop trying to convince him to join their religion.

 

True, but if saying, "I'm happy with my church" could help the situation, belonging to a UU church might be an option. He doesn't need to go to every service in order to feel that he belongs.

 

I think the OP wants to preserve friendships, if possible, not to make a statement.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

I don't think any one has used the term yet, so I will.  Proselytizing is a form of bullying as it is currently defined in public school districts (and the Air Force Academy -- but that's another story).

 

In a ps with a strong anti-bullying initiative (like DW's), the first step would be intervention by admins with all kids involved.  Escalating from that would be parent conferences, etc.  Zero tolerance ruffles feathers, but it works when done consistently by professionals.

 

Confront the kids at fault, then confront the parents.  If it doesn't change, leave.  If you get a parent response of "it's just kids being kids," explain that it is not; it's serious enough to have affected public policy.  Here's part of the official doc from the local BoE:

 

Harassment, Intimidation, and Bullying Definition

 

“Harassment, intimidation, or bullying†means any gesture, any written, verbal or physical act, or any electronic communication, as defined in N.J.S.A. 18A:37-14, whether it be a single incident or a series of incidents that:

 

1.         Is reasonably perceived as being motivated by either any actual or perceived characteristic, such as race, color, religion, ancestry, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity and expression, or a mental, physical or sensory disability; or

 

2.         By any other distinguishing characteristic; and that

 

3.         Takes place on school property, at any school-sponsored function, on a school bus, or off school grounds, as provided for in N.J.S.A. 18A:37-15.3, that substantially disrupts or interferes with the orderly operation of the school or the rights of other pupils; and that

 

4.         A reasonable person should know, under the circumstances, that the act(s) will have the effect of physically or emotionally harming a pupil or damaging the pupil’s property, or placing a pupil in reasonable fear of physical or emotional harm to his/her person or damage to his/her property; or

 

5.         Has the effect of insulting or demeaning any pupil or group of pupils; or

 

6.         Creates a hostile educational environment for the pupil by interfering with a pupil’s education or by severely or pervasively causing physical or emotional harm to the pupil.

 

The laws of your state may differ, but are easy enough to find online.

 

Schools don't tolerate this; neither should homeschoolers.

[zoobie]

I'd approach it in two prongs: 1) how to tell if people are really your friends and how to react accordingly and 2) how to stand up for yourself when you're uncomfortable.

 

Friends respect your beliefs. They may offer you an alternative, but once you decline, they don't push you. Would you like to go to [insert place here]? No thanks. The friend doesn't keep asking and asking and asking and pressuring. It doesn't matter if the place is the movies or to church. Anyone who pressures you does not respect you and is not your friend. An offshoot of this is spotting a user who pretends to be a friend. Do these kids really like you or are you just another notch on their soul-saving belt? Would they be friends with you if they didn't think they could "get" anything from you? It will come up later in life, and not with evangelizing! Lots of people are soul-suckers in various ways... If the person isn't a friend but is a salesperson, it's respectful of them not to waste their time. If a vacuum cleaning salesman shows up at your door, don't let him in and let him waste 2 hours with his song and dance if you don't want a vacuum. Say no thanks and close the door. Interrupting isn't always rude. If you waited to get a word in edgewise, that person would have wasted 30 minutes he could be at someone else's house. Besides, you have no obligation to listen to a sales pitch. You don't cuss them out, but no thanks and walking away is perfectly fine. It's a business interaction, not a social interaction. You're not obligated to buy something just because you walk into a store or stay a certain amount of time once you realize it's not for you. 

 

When you become uncomfortable in a situation, you need to stop the unwanted behavior or you need to leave. Period. It's a protective mechanism. Listen to the voice in your head/your gut. Respect yourself or no one else will. It only gets harder later, so learning now is essential. (My DS is very much a don't-rock-the-boat guy and this TERRIFIES me.) Jean's phrases were good. Dude, I've said no. Next time you bring it up, I'm leaving.

[DawnM]

I doubt that would help.  If a child in a Christian group says they like their church, the next question is typically, "Oh, where do you go to church?"

 

 

True, but if saying, "I'm happy with my church" could help the situation, belonging to a UU church might be an option. He doesn't need to go to every service in order to feel that he belongs.

 

I think the OP wants to preserve friendships, if possible, not to make a statement.

 

[Flowing Brook]

I don't think any one has used the term yet, so I will.  Proselytizing is a form of bullying as it is currently defined in public school districts (and the Air Force Academy -- but that's another story).

 

In a ps with a strong anti-bullying initiative (like DW's), the first step would be intervention by admins with all kids involved.  Escalating from that would be parent conferences, etc.  Zero tolerance ruffles feathers, but it works when done consistently by professionals.

 

Confront the kids at fault, then confront the parents.  If it doesn't change, leave.  If you get a parent response of "it's just kids being kids," explain that it is not; it's serious enough to have affected public policy.  Here's part of the official doc from the local BoE:

 

Harassment, Intimidation, and Bullying Definition

 

“Harassment, intimidation, or bullying†means any gesture, any written, verbal or physical act, or any electronic communication, as defined in N.J.S.A. 18A:37-14, whether it be a single incident or a series of incidents that:

 

1.         Is reasonably perceived as being motivated by either any actual or perceived characteristic, such as race, color, religion, ancestry, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity and expression, or a mental, physical or sensory disability; or

 

2.         By any other distinguishing characteristic; and that

 

3.         Takes place on school property, at any school-sponsored function, on a school bus, or off school grounds, as provided for in N.J.S.A. 18A:37-15.3, that substantially disrupts or interferes with the orderly operation of the school or the rights of other pupils; and that

 

4.         A reasonable person should know, under the circumstances, that the act(s) will have the effect of physically or emotionally harming a pupil or damaging the pupil’s property, or placing a pupil in reasonable fear of physical or emotional harm to his/her person or damage to his/her property; or

 

5.         Has the effect of insulting or demeaning any pupil or group of pupils; or

 

6.         Creates a hostile educational environment for the pupil by interfering with a pupil’s education or by severely or pervasively causing physical or emotional harm to the pupil.

 

The laws of your state may differ, but are easy enough to find online.

 

Schools don't tolerate this; neither should homeschoolers.

 

Wow proselytizing equals bullying?  How so?  How is asking someone if they would like to hear how they can become a christian bullying?  Or asking someone if they've been born again harassment.  The westboro church yeah that's bullying but your average christian sharing their faith is a far cry from bullying. What ever happened to freedom of speech? I have the freedom to say what I want you have the freedom to listen or ask me to stop.   Where is the bullying in that?

 

[elegantlion]

True, but if saying, "I'm happy with my church" could help the situation, belonging to a UU church might be an option. He doesn't need to go to every service in order to feel that he belongs.

 

I think the OP wants to preserve friendships, if possible, not to make a statement.

 

I think it sends the wrong message to your child though. This is his belief, he shouldn't have to shroud it in some quasi-fitting-religion just to appease the people that don't recognize boundaries. 

 

IMO, it's like telling your child that doesn't want to go to college to just join the community college so people will quit bugging you about where you're going to school. 

[Mergath]

Wow proselytizing equals bullying?  How so?  How is asking someone if they would like to hear how they can become a christian bullying?  Or asking someone if they've been born again harassment.  The westboro church yeah that's bullying but your average christian sharing their faith is a far cry from bullying. What ever happened to freedom of speech? I have the freedom to say what I want you have the freedom to listen or ask me to stop.   Where is the bullying in that?

 

 

While I don't think all proselytizing automatically equates bullying, it can certainly be used as a way for kids to bully each other.  Been there, done that.  Or rather, had that done to me.

[laundrycrisis]

Maybe he could learn to say one time each day, "Thanks for offering.  Let's do/talk about this other thing now."  And when it comes up again the same day, "I don't want to talk about your church with you anymore."  (Change subject or focus on activity).  And if a mouth opens with the topic of religion again, "Gotta go - bye !"  With some people, you just have to commit to removing yourself from their presence, because they won't ever give up.

[Flowing Brook]

While I don't think all proselytizing automatically equates bullying, it can certainly be used as a way for kids to bully each other.  Been there, done that.  Or rather, had that done to me.

 

I am sorry to hear that. It makes me sad to hear stories like yours and the op's.  It seems to give all conservative christians a bad name.  I hate seeing obnoxious christians. I feel it hurts God's cause rather than help it.

[gardenmom5]

I'd approach it in two prongs: 1) how to tell if people are really your friends and how to react accordingly and 2) how to stand up for yourself when you're uncomfortable.

 

Friends respect your beliefs. They may offer you an alternative, but once you decline, they don't push you. Would you like to go to [insert place here]? No thanks. The friend doesn't keep asking and asking and asking and pressuring. It doesn't matter if the place is the movies or to church. 

this is one thing I had to "unlearn" from my grandmother.  she insisted if you "really cared" you *would* keep asking and asking to prove how sincere you were.  (yes, the woman was seriously twisted and didn't respect anyone's boundaries)  she came from very rural Midwest and probably a similar faith tradition as the inviters. 

 

the other children may need to have some things very bluntly explained to them. j(and honestly, it would be doing them a favor.)  such as - asking over and over and over is obnoxious, and doesn't convey sincerity or caring.  when someone says "no thank you" it means the subject has ended and they need to MOVE-ON.

 

this type of game is the only thing I can think of that gave rise to people playing "coy" or hard to get.  a couple people in my family have had to eat their words when they've told me "no", and I took them at their word the first time.  (how would you like your steak?   I don't eat beef.  I don't want a steak. . . . 20 minutes later cut to "where's my steak?!" when everyone else is getting theirs. "oh, you didn't want one,  did you change you mind, how would you like it?" "no, I don't want one." mawaahhahahaha!)

[[email protected]]

A reminder to 1) be kind to each other, and 2) don't indulge yourselves in mass snark about other people's entire religious systems and beliefs.

 

Thank you.

 

Moderator

[awisha.]

nm

Edited December 15, 2013 by Moderator
Off topic. Way off.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

Wow proselytizing equals bullying?  How so?  How is asking someone if they would like to hear how they can become a christian bullying?  Or asking someone if they've been born again harassment.  The westboro church yeah that's bullying but your average christian sharing their faith is a far cry from bullying. What ever happened to freedom of speech? I have the freedom to say what I want you have the freedom to listen or ask me to stop.   Where is the bullying in that?

 

 

 

Yes, as it is defined in the first paragraph of NJ law above, it is bullying, at least in a school setting.  Your state may differ, but you can easily find out online.  Outside a school setting, it may get murky, but why should the standard be different in a co-op, or a robotics club, etc., unless the stated intent/mission of said group is religious in nature?

 

I do agree with your statement that it is the right of the listener to ask it to stop.  When that listener is ten, parental involvement is most likely warranted.

[Guest submarines]

I doubt that would help.  If a child in a Christian group says they like their church, the next question is typically, "Oh, where do you go to church?"

 

"I go to the UU church in town."

[mommymilkies]

Not everyone feels the need to belong to a church. That's not really a solution.

This.  Not to mention it's a rather disingenuous route to get a proselytizer to stop.  It probably won't be the "right" church.  I have had proselytizers come to my door and tell me that Jews certainly believe Jesus is savior, so my crazy Jewish self is just behind in the times and I should go to xyz. *Insert GIANT eyeroll*

 

Strangely enough, I got more harassment in this area when I went to Catholic mass when considering RCC.  Almost everyone I knew and then people I met who were not Catholic treated me like I had 3 heads.  It was seriously confusing and ridiculous. 

 

While I don't think all proselytizing automatically equates bullying, it can certainly be used as a way for kids to bully each other.  Been there, done that.  Or rather, had that done to me.

Yes!  As the only Jewish kid in school (my brothers were much younger than me but had similar experiences), I got this a lot.  Your religion was used as a weapon.  Continual rants about how you have to go to their church, you're going to hell, they fear for your soul, etc.  It's extremely harassing, and if they have any power (even in the form of their clique), it can turn very bad. 

[DawnM]

My point is that a UU church among evangelicals will not be considered a Christian Church and the proselytizing may very well continue.  

 

Heck, in many circles, there is a whole list of "not really church" churches.

 

 

"I go to the UU church in town."

 

[Guest submarines]

I think it sends the wrong message to your child though. This is his belief, he shouldn't have to shroud it in some quasi-fitting-religion just to appease the people that don't recognize boundaries. 

 

IMO, it's like telling your child that doesn't want to go to college to just join the community college so people will quit bugging you about where you're going to school. 

 

It looked like OP's DS could potentially like attending a UU church, and that their only issue was that they were not able / willing to attend morning services regularly.

 

In some situations it might be better to appease. I can't say if this is the case in the OP situation, but I can certainly see this as an option at times. An ability to fit in hostile environments is also a skill. If the OP plans to live in a very religious area and wants to have social life, there might be compromises.

 

I'm actually being the devil's advocate. If it were me, I wouldn't see those people again.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

My point is that a UU church among evangelicals will not be considered a Christian Church and the proselytizing may very well continue.  

 

Heck, in many circles, there is a whole list of "not really church" churches.

 

 

Wasn't there a line in Animal Farm that went something like 

 

All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.

[gardenmom5]

Wow proselytizing equals bullying?  How so?  How is asking someone if they would like to hear how they can become a christian bullying?  Or asking someone if they've been born again harassment.  The westboro church yeah that's bullying but your average christian sharing their faith is a far cry from bullying. What ever happened to freedom of speech? I have the freedom to say what I want you have the freedom to listen or ask me to stop.   Where is the bullying in that?

 

 

It's not the friend inviting their friend (or even acquaintance) to something (even in a work or school setting), who will accept either a yes or a no end of discussion and we're still friends even if the answer is no.

 

-  but the person who doesn't take no for an answer and won't shut up either.  it's the person who infers if you don't go, there will be consequences to your refusal. (my dd had a 7yo schoolmate tell her she was going to hell because she didn't believe in "the right" Jesus.).

 

 it's the boss or teacher (and yes it happens) who implies your grade/performance review/etc will suffer if you don't comply.  (but you'll get a better one if  you do).  it's people who do not give you the freedom to say, thanks, not interested (subject closed.) without repercussions. it's those who repeatedly openly/subtly mock you for not belonging to the "correct" denomination.  not the stranger on the street you can walk away from, but people you are forced into regular contact with through school or work, etc.

 

 

eta: as someone who doesn't fit the narrow evangelical definition of Christian - and have been told I'm not by evangelicals - your examples would just be seen as obnoxious.  not the best way to win friends and influence people. or share your message. 

 

[Guest submarines]

My point is that a UU church among evangelicals will not be considered a Christian Church and the proselytizing may very well continue.  

 

Heck, in many circles, there is a whole list of "not really church" churches.

 

True.

 

It might be safer / easier than saying, "I don't go to church and I don't want to go to church."  On the other hand, choosing an easier route is not always the answer.

[Slartibartfast]

If the problem is that the child is seen by his/her peers as unchurched and therefore "ripe for the planting", then belonging to a congregation would be an easy way to reduce the evangelizing.

 

IME that is not the case.

 

When I was in school there was a problem with Baptist kids evangelizing to the Catholic kids, telling them "I believe Catholics can be saved." I thought that was pretty offensive. It was an issue with a certain large Baptist church in town not all of the Baptist churches in town.

 

 

I think it ought to be addressed to the parents or the relationship needs to cease if it is violating the other family's beliefs.

[gardenmom5]

If the problem is that the child is seen by his/her peers as unchurched and therefore "ripe for the planting", then belonging to a congregation would be an easy way to reduce the evangelizing.

 

no it wouldn't help.  they'd see him as belonging to *the wrong* congregation and would become even more determined to "save him".  these kids need to learn to respect other people.

[mommaduck]

Honestly, it might be good to speak directly to the parent. I would kind, but clear that your/your son's (our) religious beliefs are different than many there and that you would like the other children to focus on the activity at hand and not continue to harass your son for being different. Teach him to say, "your parents can talk to mine about thins, but I don't want to discuss it anymore" and teach him to walk away. He needs to know how to walk away.

[gardenmom5]

 

 

[side note hopefully not too OT, but someone was going on and on about Christmas to us the other day and I said "We are not Christians, thank you." and her eyes got all wide and she exclaimed "but Christmas doesn't have anything to do with being a Christian!" I had to usher him away as my six year old piped up, "Hey! That's not right....!" Like geez people c'mon.]

 

I grew up with Christmas as a secular holiday, so I do understand that view.  (I also have friends who don't celebrate it for religious reasons.)

 

roflol.  oh my.  just because there are many non-Christians who celebrate it as a nice festive time of year.  just wow. giggle snort.  (even Dubai has "the world's most expensive Christmas tree".  LOTS of very expensive gems/jewelry hanging on that tree. $11M worth.)

 

thanks for the laugh.

 

 

[Crimson Wife]

Wow proselytizing equals bullying?  How so?  How is asking someone if they would like to hear how they can become a christian bullying?  Or asking someone if they've been born again harassment.  The westboro church yeah that's bullying but your average christian sharing their faith is a far cry from bullying. What ever happened to freedom of speech? I have the freedom to say what I want you have the freedom to listen or ask me to stop.   Where is the bullying in that?

Proselytizing *CAN* reach the point of bullying, but it isn't bullying per se. I think both sides need to take a deep breath and not get so easily offended.

[Flowing Brook]

Proselytizing *CAN* reach the point of bullying, but it isn't bullying per se. I think both sides need to take a deep breath and not get so easily offended.

 

I am not offended. That homeschool dad made it soud as if all proselytizing was bullying.  I do think some people are down right obnoxious in the way they do it.  There are some people of the same beliefs as me that I avoid because I don't like the way they treat people who don't agree with them. Several people have taken the time to explain that they don't have a problem with proselytizing just the people that get mean or nasty about it. I appreciated hearing their experiences.  It helps me to make sure I never come across like that. I think I came across more strongly than I meant in the post you quoted.

[albeto.]

Proselytizing *CAN* reach the point of bullying, but it isn't bullying per se. I think both sides need to take a deep breath and not get so easily offended.

 

I think it's appropriate for the OP to feel offended (although I haven't read that she does feel offended). What her son has to endure for the sake of being included in the community is offensive. Like KK mentioned earlier, encouraging him to pretend to be someone he's not is no more a solution with regards to religious belief than it is with sexual identity. It's not appropriate to encourage a kid to stay in the closet so he doesn't suffer a hostile environment. He shouldn't have to suffer a hostile environment, but that's not in his control. What is in his control is how to respond. He doesn't want to confront the kids, he doesn't want to discuss this topic, he doesn't want to have a conversation. He wants to play with his friends, and be left alone about Jesus.

[Susan in TN]

I haven't read all the responses so i apologize if this has already been deemed stupid, but I wonder if he could take the "hey thanks for sharing, I'll let you know if I have any questions for you, OK?" stance? And then cheerfully walk away. As annoying as it is, the more resistant he is the more urgent the evangelists may feel about converting him. Not that its OK that they are bugging him, but it might be more effective.

[LucyStoner]

Once upon a time I was a very Catholic little girl. I made a new friend who was Protestant and, I can only now assume an Evangelical. At age 8, I wasn't really thinking in terms like Evangelical. She would not stop trying to "save me" and asked the standard, at times hurtful/rude, questions about Catholics. When I eventually used many of the suggestions I see here, she was forced to stop being my friend. Because I was unsaved. I would not say that your son shouldn't tell them politely "no, thanks but no thanks" but I would be, honestly, prepared for it to end the friendship. IME, kids who are taught to try to evangelize and to persist even when asked to stop often have parents who will not want their child playing with someone who is not of their faith. Which is their prerogative but you may have to help your son deal with that loss. It may be easier to pull back on his own a bit. Some people will not stop even when the subject is unwelcome or has run its course. Be that about their business, religion or latest fad diet.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

I am not offended. That homeschool dad made it soud as if all proselytizing was bullying.  

 

 

Ass defined by the law, in a school setting, as addressed by the statute I quoted, the elected legislature has decided that yes, it is bullying.  We can agree or disagree on the semantics, but the law is there in genuine, printed text.

 

I also said that the OP's situation seemed to be outside a school setting, but the response should be similar.  That has no legal backup, so it is indeed a grayer area, to say the least, and as such, should be handled by the adults present.

 

What we're getting down to is that acceptance of others as a valuable skill to encourage in all children regardless of their own family beliefs.  You can't legislate that, but it's still the right thing to do.

[albeto.]

nvmd - THD was answering as I was typing.

 

:) 

 

[Little Nyssa]

If some of these people are good friends of his, I would have him focus on the friendship while he tries to fend them off.  

 

"I really like being friends with you, but I only go to church with my family, so it makes me uncomfortable when you keep asking."

"I really like playing together, but your talking about your church all the time is getting in the way."

 

If they are just out for his spiritual scalp, that will scare them off, but if they are interested in him as a friend, they should be able to get over it.

 

I have a dear friend who I tried to evangelize for years... she is from a Buddhist background but religion is just not very important to her.  After a while she explained kindly to me that she was not interested and talking about it made her uncomfortable.  But, we have been very good friends anyway since then.  We don't talk about my church anymore (except as it might come up in casual conversation), but we have had perhaps deeper and more meaningful discussions, since then since we are both interested in learning from each other.  We like each other so we want to like what makes each other tick.  And, I have learned a lot about behaving like a Christian from her.  

 

Just posting so you can see how this looks from the other side, but I hope I was never as rude as it sounds like some people can be. 

 

 

[Audrey]

I think it's appropriate for the OP to feel offended (although I haven't read that she does feel offended). What her son has to endure for the sake of being included in the community is offensive. Like KK mentioned earlier, encouraging him to pretend to be someone he's not is no more a solution with regards to religious belief than it is with sexual identity. It's not appropriate to encourage a kid to stay in the closet so he doesn't suffer a hostile environment. He shouldn't have to suffer a hostile environment, but that's not in his control. What is in his control is how to respond. He doesn't want to confront the kids, he doesn't want to discuss this topic, he doesn't want to have a conversation. He wants to play with his friends, and be left alone about Jesus.

 

 

Not to mention that telling a kid to lie just to avoid the proselytizers is a pretty crappy parenting model.  It's sad the boy has to endure the continued jibber-jabbering about some mythology for which he has no need, desire or concern.  It sounds like he's unable to stand up for himself, in which case, the parent should step in and nip it in the bud.  Telling him to lie just to fit in would not be an option.

[albeto.]

Not to mention that telling a kid to lie just to avoid the proselytizers is a pretty crappy parenting model.  It's sad the boy has to endure the continued jibber-jabbering about some mythology for which he has no need, desire or concern.  It sounds like he's unable to stand up for himself, in which case, the parent should step in and nip it in the bud.  Telling him to lie just to fit in would not be an option.

 

In general, I agree that setting boundaries is a valuable skill to have, but we're talking about a ten year old kid with a limited social group. It's not like he could migrate to a group of secular friends, if nearly everyone in the community supports this religious belief and these practices. I think what Christians really have to understand is how, despite their desire to do the "right thing," they're creating a hostile environment, something that goes directly against the conventional Christian ethos. 

[Amy in NH]

Maybe not, but I have not personally ever met a child who developed his own strong religious beliefs without at least some parental guidance. That's why this is so interesting to me. :)

 

 

I got sucked into a religion my parents were not a part of as a kid - to the point of hiding in the closet with reading materials and a flashlight.

[gardenmom5]

some mythology for which he has no need, desire or concern.  Telling him to lie just to fit in would not be an option.

 

that wasn't necessary.  most of us are trying to be respectful of those who do not have the same belief systems, but that comment was just as disrespectful as the children who are pestering this boy.

 

(I agree with he shouldn't have to lie.  having browser issues.)

 

[gardenmom5]

. I think what Christians really have to understand is how, despite their desire to do the "right thing," they're creating a hostile environment, something that goes directly against the conventional Christian ethos. 

I don't normally agree with you about much, but I do agree with this.   not how to win friends and influence people.