How To Stop Others From Evangelizing to Your Child

[Χά�ων]

People DS knows keep trying to talk to him about the Christian God even though DS has made it clear that

he has no interest in their faith. The parents are aware of DS's beliefs but do not stop their children. It happens far too often by far too many people. We all know that all hell would break loose if DS started talking to them about his Gods.

 

I need tips to stop this harassment. Thanks in advance!

 

 

[Robin M]

Is there any way for him to 'pass the bean dip' and change the subject? Or say we are going to have to agree to disagree. What would happen if he just walked away from the conversation? are they just too young to understand not everyone believes in the same thing?

[GSOchristie]

I think my kids talk about their faith regularly because it's an important part of their lives, not to torture anyone else.  FWIW, I don't mind when kids of other faiths discuss them with my kids, I wouldn't care.  Are they asking him repeatedly if he want to come to church?  If he wants to know more about Jesus?  If he wants to be "saved"?  My kids know that if someone says they don't want to talk about something you don't push it, whether it be faith, Santa Claus, or the weather.   

[bolt.]

Ages of the kids involved?

 

Does this happen supervised or unsupervised? (Strategy for you, or for him?)

 

Is there a difference between "mentioning religion when it's relevant, in a chkldish way" and intentionally evangelistic targeting?

[Murphy101]

I think it depends on the situation and the ages.

 

Mostly I think it's okay to be blunt. If they can't talk about anything else, I'd quit associating with them. "I don't believe in X, and feel no interest in learning about X and if the only reason you are here is to talk about X, then I guess one if us needs to go elsewhere."

[Jean in Newcastle]

Then why don't you just let him talk about his gods?  We are Christians btw but in my opinion, friends talk about what is important to them.  I wouldn't want a friend to totally shut down my talking about God (which is normally in the context of my own life).  But I wouldn't shut down a friend talking about their beliefs either.  The only time me or my children witness (or proselytize if you will) is if someone actually comes and asks us to elaborate on what we believe.  

[dragons in the flower bed]

I think my advice would depend on how you know these people and where you and DS see them.

 

We live in the downtown of a big city and we constantly bump into clean-cut fundies from the 'burbs who are here just to save the unwashed masses. I think they target me because I'm less intimidating than a lot of the other people living here in downtown with me. I'm white, I usually have my children with me, and my visual counterculturalism comes across as the gentle hippie sort. They come up to me, and I smile because I can't tell right away if they're asking for directions to the museum (which I am happy to give) or going to tell us about Jesus. Then they say things right to my sons, who are always annoyed. My middle boy likes to drown them out by chanting ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn but I have usually stopped him, not wanting him to be rude. When one actually cornered my oldest kid this last autumn, separating him from me, I finally realized that there's a place in the world for anger. Now I have no qualms raising my voice and saying, "Do not EVER talk to ANY children about your church without parental permission!"

 

So maybe DS can say something like, "Perhaps it was a mistake to tolerate this for so long. Let me make it clear. Stop. Do not EVER mention your religion to me again. EVER." 

 

[trlt]

This is happening to my dd too. But she is only 6. Sadly, it's my mom that is doing it. I do worry that it will also start happening with friends more as we live in Texas where everyone just assumes you are Christian. The problem is that she is 6 and has no defenses to prevent it from happening...especially because we haven't introduced her to religion so it is totally foreign to her. It's frustrating to me that people feel the need to share their beliefs with a child. Mind your own business!

[Χά�ων]

I think my kids talk about their faith regularly because it's an important part of their lives, not to torture anyone else.  FWIW, I don't mind when kids of other faiths discuss them with my kids, I wouldn't care.  Are they asking him repeatedly if he want to come to church?  If he wants to know more about Jesus?  If he wants to be "saved"?  My kids know that if someone says they don't want to talk about something you don't push it, whether it be faith, Santa Claus, or the weather.   

Pestering him about church. They do not ask if he wants to know about Jesus, they just start and do not stop.

 

Ages of the kids involved?

 

Does this happen supervised or unsupervised? (Strategy for you, or for him?)

 

Is there a difference between "mentioning religion when it's relevant, in a chkldish way" and intentionally evangelistic targeting?

8-11

 

Semi-supervised. Adults are always near by but having to do other things (Liken to a conversation your children are having at the kitchen table while yo are cleaning up after dinner).

 

I do not see how it is ever relevant to the situations

Then why don't you just let him talk about his gods?  We are Christians btw but in my opinion, friends talk about what is important to them.  I wouldn't want a friend to totally shut down my talking about God (which is normally in the context of my own life).  But I wouldn't shut down a friend talking about their beliefs either.  The only time me or my children witness (or proselytize if you will) is if someone actually comes and asks us to elaborate on what we believe.  

Because I have taught my son that faith is a very personal thing. Plus we live in rural bible belt and he will be ostracized in our small town. We are already excluded from the large homeschool group that has activities aimed at high energy kids his age, where his friends are because of my lack of faith. Even though I have stated that I understand it is a Christian group and the classes will be either Christian based, have a starting prayer, or talk about the Christian God and that I have no problem with it.

[ajfries]

I don't see why he can't counter with is own beliefs in a non confrontational way. Surely he can take what was maybe intended to be a "sermon" and turn it into a conversation.

 

When a nurse asked my kids if they were ready for Halloween, I said "Oh, we don't celebrate Halloween" and my 3 year old pipes up with "Satan likes Halloween. And I hate Satan!"  Yeah, I mean, I guess in a nutshell that's why we choose not to participate in Halloween, but I NEVER would have put it that way, nor do encourage the kids to say things like that to the general public. I wouldn't be so quick to put it on the parents to "stop their children". Teach their kids that other people have different beliefs & that's ok? Yes. Teach them to respect different belief systems? Absolutely. But actively STOP the kid from sharing their beliefs just because they believe differently?  I don't know....

 

"Shhh, Johnny. We don't talk about Jesus around them...."

 

I guess I'm picturing something different than, "You need to accept Christ in your heart or you're going to hell...." If THAT is the scenario, then yes...it does need to be handled differently than I'm suggesting. :)

[GSOchristie]

Pestering him about church. They do not ask if he wants to know about Jesus, they just start and do not stop.

 

8-11

 

Semi-supervised. Adults are always near by but having to do other things (Liken to a conversation your children are having at the kitchen table while yo are cleaning up after dinner).

 

I do not see how it is ever relevant to the situations

Because I have taught my son that faith is a very personal thing. Plus we live in rural bible belt and he will be ostracized in our small town. We are already excluded from the large homeschool group that has activities aimed at high energy kids his age, where his friends are because of my lack of faith. Even though I have stated that I understand it is a Christian group and the classes will be either Christian based, have a starting prayer, or talk about the Christian God and that I have no problem with it.

 

I'd just tell the parents, "we're happy in our own faith right now, we know you'd be happy to have us visit your church.  If we ever decide that's the direction we'd like to take, we'll be sure to come. I'd like the subject to be closed for now."  If they persist, I guess you have to decide how important the friendship is to ds. Is it important enough to endure an annoying conversation repeatedly?

[G5052]

We all don't like being pushed to give into to areas that we have already established.  Some people (including children) just don't respect other people's boundaries.

 

Even Christians can get pushed by other Christians because of lifestyle and schedule choices.  Thankfully I have friends who respect and support our choices because we don't fit the so-called norm in some areas, but over the years I've learned to look those who like to push our buttons firmly in the eye and say, "Thank you, but our choices are not up to evaluation at this time.  Please don't bring it up again."

 

And I've taught my kids to do the same.  Learning to keep up personal boundaries is not a bad lesson to learn.

[gardenmom5]

btdt.  my then 7yo dd had a classmate who was determined to "save" her from our "false" religion. these girls were SEVEN! they had previously been playmates, but this episode did make clear that couldn't continue.  some adult was encouraging that kid.  My dd was very upset by the whole thing.  based on what was being said, I was able to help her form a polite reply that had the girl so confused she stopped.  there was much rejoicing (not just by us.) when she was pulled out and sent to a private Christian school.

 

help him formulate some replies.  I'm afraid my replies are probably too snarky.  but I don't know specifics.  do you have a Christian friend who could help you off-list?

 

if he's older  - 

what part of I'm not interested do you not understand?  

what part of being a light on a hill involves shining a laser in people's eyes?

what part of respect for other people's religion do you not understand?

 

is it absolutely impossible (or would it make a bad situation worse) if he did start sharing his beliefs?   I happen to think there is an age when a free flow of ideas/beliefs can be good.  2dd has very close friends/college roommates who are hindu and muslim. and they've talked back and forth about their cultures and their religions.  (her longest and very best friend is a somewhat practicing catholic from another ethnic culture.)

 

[albeto.]

How are they approaching him? Is it constant references, or are they trying to convince him to join them? 

 

How confident/assertive is your son? Is he comfortable telling them once and for all what he thinks?

 

Are these friends of his, does he need a diplomatic solution?

[trlt]

I feel like many of the Christians lack respect for other people's choices. As someone who is agnostic, I feel that we are expected to "be quiet and play nice" but those rules don't apply to Christians. We have been at other people's houses where they say a prayer before a meal. We quietly sit there and are respectful. When those same people come to our home where we don't say a prayer they don't respect that, they interrupt us getting food and sat, " let us pray" or something to start off a meal prayer. I respected them, why do they not respect our differences?

[Χά�ων]

Added information about DS:

 

My DS is nice to a fault. Not sure where he gets it from but he is polite, tolerant and kind to all far beyond what is socially expected by all. He feels that if someone is talking he should hear them out. He will not interrupt, or stop them or share his beliefs with them. I am not sure where he got the niceness from, not his mother that is for sure.

 

These are various people from various places in our life.

 

 

 

I appreciate all replies, They are coming so fast I am having trouble keeping up. If I miss something, it is not intentional.

[Mergath]

I don't see why he can't counter with is own beliefs in a non confrontational way. Surely he can take what was maybe intended to be a "sermon" and turn it into a conversation.

 

When a nurse asked my kids if they were ready for Halloween, I said "Oh, we don't celebrate Halloween" and my 3 year old pipes up with "Satan likes Halloween. And I hate Satan!"  Yeah, I mean, I guess in a nutshell that's why we choose not to participate in Halloween, but I NEVER would have put it that way, nor do encourage the kids to say things like that to the general public. I wouldn't be so quick to put it on the parents to "stop their children". Teach their kids that other people have different beliefs & that's ok? Yes. Teach them to respect different belief systems? Absolutely. But actively STOP the kid from sharing their beliefs just because they believe differently?  I don't know....

 

"Shhh, Johnny. We don't talk about Jesus around them...."

 

I guess I'm picturing something different than, "You need to accept Christ in your heart or you're going to hell...." If THAT is the scenario, then yes...it does need to be handled differently than I'm suggesting. :)

 

I think teaching kids not to be annoying prigs regardless of religious belief is part of parenting.  I wouldn't let my dd nag other kids to, say, join her junior bowling league over and over and over and over.  It would be extremely annoying, and I would fully expect the other kids to stop hanging around her if she did.  I don't think religion gets a free pass on that.

[Χά�ων]

DS is a newly minted 10 year old. 

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

Pestering him about church. They do not ask if he wants to know about Jesus, they just start and do not stop.

 

8-11

 

Semi-supervised. Adults are always near by but having to do other things (Liken to a conversation your children are having at the kitchen table while yo are cleaning up after dinner).

 

I do not see how it is ever relevant to the situations

Because I have taught my son that faith is a very personal thing. Plus we live in rural bible belt and he will be ostracized in our small town. We are already excluded from the large homeschool group that has activities aimed at high energy kids his age, where his friends are because of my lack of faith. Even though I have stated that I understand it is a Christian group and the classes will be either Christian based, have a starting prayer, or talk about the Christian God and that I have no problem with it.

Could you describe what "pestering him to come" looks like?  Is it one person asking him periodically?  Is it a bunch of people asking him multiple times in the same hour?  Is it someone asking and then not letting him get away with just saying no but asking more and more stridently?

 

 You can just say "No" and pass the bean dip.  If they come back with a "why" then it's ok to say "Dude, it is rude to keep asking me when I told you no already."  Or he can say "Because I have different beliefs than you do."  

[Chelli]

Does this bother your son or does it bother you that people do this to your son?

 

Not saying either of you are wrong. It would drive me nuts if someone constantly wanted to talk about religion, even the Christian religion of which I am a part.

 

 

[albeto.]

Added information about DS:

 

My DS is nice to a fault. Not sure where he gets it from but he is polite, tolerant and kind to all far beyond what is socially expected by all. He feels that if someone is talking he should hear them out. He will not interrupt, or stop them or share his beliefs with them. I am not sure where he got the niceness from, not his mother that is for sure.

 

These are various people from various places in our life.

 

 

 

I appreciate all replies, They are coming so fast I am having trouble keeping up. If I miss something, it is not intentional.

 

Your ds sounds like an absolute sweetheart! 

 

Does he want them to stop, or is it more annoying for you to watch him have to endure this garbage?

 

It could be that one day he will have had enough, and will speak up. 

 

Unless you're concerned that he might be gullible after so much constant badgering.

[ajfries]

I think teaching kids not to be annoying prigs regardless of religious belief is part of parenting.  I wouldn't let my dd nag other kids to, say, join her junior bowling league over and over and over and over.  It would be extremely annoying, and I would fully expect the other kids to stop hanging around her if she did.  I don't think religion gets a free pass on that.

 

 

I completely agree; what I'm saying is that I wouldn't go to the parents because of what their child is saying, until something has been said directly to to the child. After saying "Johnny, I think you're a cool kid & I like hanging out, but it really makes me uncomfortable when you preach at me..." if the kid doesn't stop, THEN going to the parents might be an option, but I would probably be quicker to end the "friendship".

[Guest inoubliable]

Stop hanging out with the kid. 
Really. 

 

If this has been going on and on after the parents have been made aware and your kid has already made the other kid aware, well then it's rude. Why would you want to be friends with someone like that anyway? 

If you're determined to keep this friendship intact because your kiddo needs this friend, then he needs to learn to say "I've already told you - I don't care." Being nice and kind are obviously not working. Time to be direct.

[Dory]

I have tried to teach my kids to watch other people's reactions to what they talk about and learn to leave subjects alone that leave others uncomfortable. That being said, I know my kids talk about their faith because it is something that is important to them. I'm sorry your ds has kids that have never learned to notice social cues from others and leave things alone. I fully expect my kids to come home talking about other peoples beliefs (my oldest who is 10 has a few times) because I expect other kids to talk about their beliefs now and then since it's probably important to them. A little bit once in awhile is fine, if it's happening a lot though, that's just rude.

 

I agree that teaching your son how to politely ask them to stop might be good and teaching him how to change the subject politely is a good skill that he can use in more areas than just this one. I wouldn't step in personally though as he's getting old enough and it's with kids close to his age and it might be an opportunity for him to learn how to converse and work with people that aren't always polite with conversation (even if they don't really mean to be rude).

[Χά�ων]

Could you describe what "pestering him to come" looks like?  Is it one person asking him periodically?  Is it a bunch of people asking him multiple times in the same hour?  Is it someone asking and then not letting him get away with just saying no but asking more and more stridently?

 

 You can just say "No" and pass the bean dip.  If they come back with a "why" then it's ok to say "Dude, it is rude to keep asking me when I told you no already."  Or he can say "Because I have different beliefs than you do."  

Every time there is a spare second the topic comes up. At least that is the topic I hear. I am not always within ear shot when they are with another adult (ie a coach).

 

Does this bother your son or does it bother you that people do this to your son?

 

Not saying either of you are wrong. It would drive me nuts if someone constantly wanted to talk about religion, even the Christian religion of which I am a part.

It bothers him. I am annoyed as well. 

 

Your ds sounds like an absolute sweetheart! 

 

Does he want them to stop, or is it more annoying for you to watch him have to endure this garbage?

 

It could be that one day he will have had enough, and will speak up. 

 

Unless you're concerned that he might be gullible after so much constant badgering.

He finds it annoying and would like to avoid the subject. 

 

Maybe one day he will speak up. History through says differently. 

 

He IS gullible but finds the idea of just one God really strange, so I am not worried about him converting.. 

[Catwoman]

Is this happening with one specific kid or a bunch of kids? Where we live, it's incredibly rare for anyone to bring up religion in a general conversation, so it seems so odd to me when I read here about how people are regularly asked where they go to church.

 

Even if I agreed with another family's beliefs, I still wouldn't want their kid preaching to mine. The simplest solution is for you to minimize your ds's contact with the other child (if it's just one kid,) but if most of the people you meet are super-religious and very preachy about it, you can't very well isolate your family from everyone.

 

It's a very tough call, and I feel so badly that you and your ds are being made to feel uncomfortable. All I can think to suggest is that you teach your ds lots and lots of ways to turn the conversations in a different direction, and to let him know that, "I don't want to talk about that," is a perfectly acceptable response.

[Jean in Newcastle]

If it is a group of kids who are very active in their church communities then church is going to come up a lot.  Just like public school stuff comes up a lot with our friends who are very active at their p.s.  And health stuff comes up a lot with my friend who is heavily into a certain health guru.   I don't know how you could ask them not to talk about it at all.  That just seems unrealistic.  But while public school gossip/stories etc. comes up  with certain friends, we wouldn't appreciate if they repeatedly asked if we were going to go to public school.  And I did have to tell my friend who is heavily into her health guru that I understand how strongly she believes in her health regimen but she needs to stop badgering me to try it too (I have my own health regimen!)  

 

 

[albeto.]

He finds it annoying and would like to avoid the subject. 

 

 

Would he be comfortable just replying "no thank you"? Whenever the subject comes up, that's all he could say. Eventually, the other kid should realize your son is politely blowing off his evangelistic attempts, but it's not impolite at all. It doesn't invite more conversation, it doesn't require answering anything. Just be like a broken record until this kid gets bored with seeing your son as a project.

[TravelingChris]

By the way, this can happen to Christians too.  We had the problem of being pestered to go to Awanas when I had decided that we didn't need this activity on top of everything else at that time.  The kids kept persisting and I had to talk to their mother.  I didn't add that I also didn't want my kids to be bothered about getting baptized again (we had all our kids baptized as infants as you do in Presbyterian and Methodist churches we were attending at those times).  Later on we moved and my two younger ones did do Awanas for a while but that was when those two were older and the church we did it at didn't have the idea that you aren't a Christian if you had been baptized as an infant.

 

I should also say that I also had to intervene another time with that family since the two boys in the family decided to try to beat a similar aged boy (All were around the same age as my son) in order to convert him to Christianity.  I immediately stopped it, told that that this is not the way to evangelize, and sent them home and called their mother who was aghast at what her sons had done- and they had only started so no real harm was done- and we didn't have a repeat.   My son considered the non church boy a closer friend and both of us made sure he understood that what those kids did was unacceptable to almost all Christians and we weren't trying to convert him.  My son and that boy continued to play together though I don't think he played much with those other two boys.

[Χά�ων]

Is this happening with one specific kid or a bunch of kids? Where we live, it's incredibly rare for anyone to bring up religion in a general conversation, so it seems so odd to me when I read here about how people are regularly asked where they go to church.

 

Even if I agreed with another family's beliefs, I still wouldn't want their kid preaching to mine. The simplest solution is for you to minimize your ds's contact with the other child (if it's just one kid,) but if most of the people you meet are super-religious and very preachy about it, you can't very well isolate your family from everyone.

 

It's a very tough call, and I feel so badly that you and your ds are being made to feel uncomfortable. All I can think to suggest is that you teach your ds lots and lots of ways to turn the conversations in a different direction, and to let him know that, "I don't want to talk about that," is a perfectly acceptable response.

Several kids. It is VERY common where I live. Children are charged with saving the souls of everyone they meet. It is harder to be rude to a random child than it is to tell an adult following you are around to f off. It is a not so new tactic used by some of the Evangelical churches locally. They were finding the adults were being asked to leave and, in more than one instance, arrested for harassment when they would follow people around public places.

 

I have minimized contact with several kids, I just do not want to isolate DS which is what I would have to do to prevent it.

 

I will work with him on having ready made phrases in the future.

 

Would he be comfortable just replying "no thank you"? Whenever the subject comes up, that's all he could say. Eventually, the other kid should realize your son is politely blowing off his evangelistic attempts, but it's not impolite at all. It doesn't invite more conversation, it doesn't require answering anything. Just be like a broken record until this kid gets bored with seeing your son as a project.

I will have him try this.

 

For his own protection, he needs to learn how to not only speak up, but depart when a conversation is inappropriate. Were you going to let him learn this experientially, or is this part of Health class later?

I agree and it is something I have been working with him on for years and not just about this topic. I am beyond stumped on how he has not taking action already for some unrelated things. 

[VinNY]

I think teaching kids not to be annoying prigs regardless of religious belief is part of parenting. 

 

 

Sums it up nicely for me. Thanks Mergath. 

 

 

[StephanieZ]

I have diligently taught my kids that evangelism is simply a part of some religions. I have explained that some people believe that not only is their religion right for them, but it is right for all people, and that they are required by their beliefs to work diligently to recruit others to their faith. In fact, they often believe that in order to be a "good Christian" or "good whatever faith it is", then they MUST evangelize actively. Also, I teach my kids empathy for these people by helping my kids understand that these people are convinced that they must do this awkward and unpleasant task of trying to convince uninterested people that their false religion is true. I also explain that the adults have had lots of time to practice this task and have mellowed about it, but that the children (and especially teens) are particularly awkward because they are immature in their character as well as their faith. I also explain that since they sincerely believe that us unbelieving people will suffer in life and after death with terrible consequences, it is an act of caring and love for them to try to share their "truth" with us. 

 

I feel that carefully explaining this (over and over through the years) has helped inoculate my children against evangelism and cults by instilling a sort of sympathy and, to some degree, pity for the evangelists. Meanwhile, it also supports my kids interpreting these peoples' words as about THEM and not YOU. We look at it as simply a demonstration of their faith (and thus requiring us to show tolerance and patience and respect) and also as a demonstration of the evangelist's caring (either for you as an individual or for humanity in general). 

 

So far, this has worked well for us. My kids have many close friends who are part of very evangelical religions, despite the fact that we have very different beliefs and we have made it clear that we will not allow our children to be involved in their churches at all.

 

Occasionally, in a new friendship, a child has been persistent in inviting one of my kids to church activities. We just repeat No Thank You, and, if needed, we clarify that "Mom and Dad will never allow me to attend any church function at any church without them present. Ever."

 

Further, I have told my kids that if they personally really want to visit any church, I will take them to services and/or youth functions, but I will be there for every minute, and we will leave if the church crosses various boundaries. Since one of my Lines in the Sand is acceptance and welcoming of all people including LGBT and respect for the full equality for LGBT including marriage blessings, that eliminates all the churches I personally object to . . . So, we have yet to visit any churches with the kids. :) Additionally, my kids have never persisted in wanting to accept an invitation to a church event once it is clear that I will attend with them, as the driving interest for my kid was the social youth group things, and those don't sound so fun with mom there. :) (FWIW, I will allow my kids to attend a secular event that is hosted at a church on occasion, but only once or twice a year for a random social event, never for a youth group or anything like that.)

 

I have also mentioned to parents that "We don't allow our kids to attend church activities without us. Ever." That has always worked perfectly with the parents, and the invites slow down a lot once the parents aren't encouraging their children to persist. 

 

Of course, I think it would be reasonable to offer the evangelizing child that, "Are you allowed to attend my church? I am not allowed to attend yours, so if you want to attend church together, why don't you spend the night at my house Saturday and go to our church with us Sunday!?" (Of course, this only works if you go to a church, lol.)

 

Somehow, I suspect the answer would not be in the affirmative, lol. 

[JustEm]

Pestering him about church. They do not ask if he wants to know about Jesus, they just start and do not stop.

 

8-11

 

Semi-supervised. Adults are always near by but having to do other things (Liken to a conversation your children are having at the kitchen table while yo are cleaning up after dinner).

 

I do not see how it is ever relevant to the situations

Because I have taught my son that faith is a very personal thing. Plus we live in rural bible belt and he will be ostracized in our small town. We are already excluded from the large homeschool group that has activities aimed at high energy kids his age, where his friends are because of my lack of faith. Even though I have stated that I understand it is a Christian group and the classes will be either Christian based, have a starting prayer, or talk about the Christian God and that I have no problem with it.

 

I have absolutely no advice but I'm sorry to hear you and your family are treated that way.  There is absolutely nothing Christian about excluding people with a different belief system from a group.  

[Χά�ων]

 

Of course, I think it would be reasonable to offer the evangelizing child that, "Are you allowed to attend my church? I am not allowed to attend yours, so if you want to attend church together, why don't you spend the night at my house Saturday and go to our church with us Sunday!?" (Of course, this only works if you go to a church, lol.)

 

Somehow, I suspect the answer would not be in the affirmative, lol. 

I doubt it as well.

 

There is a "church" (not sure that is the word) semi-locally for those of a similar belief system as DS. I am going to be really honest here. I am lazy. DS has medical needs that I have to take him into town weekly for and Sunday is one of my few home days and I do NOT want to wake up early, take a shower, get all prettied up and drive over an hour each way for it. DS seems to feel the same way about it. He has talked about going to a "church" (seriously, what is the proper term?) but he has no interest when I explain it means getting up early, and driving into the big city. 

 

There are very few people I would entertain the idea of DS going to church with I am not sure he would do well with it. The idea of sitting still with no entertainment and not asking awkward questions is not within his grasp and I would hate to put my friend in that position.

[dragons in the flower bed]

Okay, given that you don't want to out yourself as polytheist (I think? you said gods, right?), and that these are preteens who have apparently picked up that religion is his weakness and is using it as a source of bully power, maybe you could have him say, "Jesus said that those who pray in the streets are hypocrites. My mom told me that faith is private and personal. That means I can't talk about it. Please stop talking to me about it so we can just play." If they persist, he could go over to a parent, say the same thing, and then add, "It feels like they are using your religion to tease me and that's not very Christ-like. Can you please help me explain to your kids that my relationship with Jesus is too personal a topic for me and i just want to play?"

 

[Χά�ων]

Okay, given that you don't want to out yourself as polytheist (I think? you said gods, right?), and that these are preteens who have apparently picked up that religion is his weakness and is using it as a source of bully power, maybe you could have him say, "Jesus said that those who pray in the streets are hypocrites. My mom told me that faith is private and personal. That means I can't talk about it. Please stop talking to me about it so we can just play." If they persist, he could go over to a parent, say the same thing, and then add, "It feels like they are using your religion to tease me and that's not very Christ-like. Can you please help me explain to your kids that my relationship with Jesus is too personal a topic for me and i just want to play?"

He is Hellenistic Pagan and has been since he was little. No clue where it came from, it just is. My beliefs are different than his. 

 

I like your ideas for wording!

[albeto.]

Okay, given that you don't want to out yourself as polytheist (I think? you said gods, right?), and that these are preteens who have apparently picked up that religion is his weakness and is using it as a source of bully power, maybe you could have him say, "Jesus said that those who pray in the streets are hypocrites. My mom told me that faith is private and personal. That means I can't talk about it. Please stop talking to me about it so we can just play." If they persist, he could go over to a parent, say the same thing, and then add, "It feels like they are using your religion to tease me and that's not very Christ-like. Can you please help me explain to your kids that my relationship with Jesus is too personal a topic for me and i just want to play?"

 

In my experience, telling a Christian what Jesus said and what Jesus meant only opens the door to being "corrected." If the boy doesn't want to be bothered with their beliefs, talking about it in any way isn't likely to help him get the break he wants. 

[Χά�ων]

In my experience, telling a Christian what Jesus said and what Jesus meant only opens the door to being "corrected." If the boy doesn't want to be bothered with their beliefs, talking about it in any way isn't likely to help him get the break he wants. 

I hadn't thought about that. I have actually encountered that even when I am able to provide scripture to back my view and the other person is unable to even with my background in theology.. 

[albeto.]

I hadn't thought about that. I have actually encountered that even when I am able to provide scripture to back my view and the other person is unable to even with my background in theology.. 

 

Having been immersed deeply, intimately in love with my faith, quite familiar with my former church's theology, I'm accused of not knowing it at all when the true scotsmen comes out to play.  :laugh:  

[gardenmom5]

I can't mutli-quote.  (glare - can't use emotcons either.  double glare)

 

annoying prigs to me ('cause I was on the receiving end as a teen) was being invited to a church with someone, going ONCE, and ever afterwards having the inviter show up at my house expecting me to go again. and again, and again and expecting me to join with her in all sorts of things.  another seven year old girl telling my seven year old daughter she's going to hell because she doesn't believe in Jesus the same way this snotty little girl does.  constantly bringing up their religion in a "gratuitous" manner to "show-up" your beliefs they feel are wrong.  re: no legitimate context.  oh - one of the most annoying religious prigs was a phd in religion neighbor of my grandmother's.  Their lack of respect for other people comes shining through.

 

having anyone come into my house, and expecting their religious traditions to be honored - while ignoring/overrunning mine, I consider rude. doesn't matter what religion you are.  it's rude.  it's like going to a kosher home and demanding to be served pork.  I wouldn't dream of doing that to someone else.

 

My mother was agnostic or atheist.  she never made up her mind.  I could share deep personal beliefs (that were based upon my religious beliefs) and feelings WHEN APPRORPRIATE with her because she respected them (and I think part of her appreciated them too.)   My brother - who calls himself Christian but I honestly don't think he knows what he believes as his "beliefs" change/contradict every few years - I would NEVER share anything with because he doesn't respect anyone else.  (I think he's NPD.)  He's told me on multiple times I'm "not spiritual" because I won't.   he really doesn't "get it".

[SKL]

I think the easiest way to get someone to shut up about it is to tell them you already know more than they do about it.  If he has any basic knowledge maybe he could say "yes, I know that ____ so can we play now?"  The other idea is to have him start telling a story from another religion.  That will either change the subject or make the other child run away, horrified.  ;)

 

If you have a rapport with the child, you might say something like "at your age, you need to be learning about your religion so you can talk about it with full understanding when you are older.  And one thing to learn is that you only talk about religion when you are sure the other person wants to hear it."  I told my kid this recently because she attends Lutheran school and was being encouraged to evangelize.  It worked.

[dragons in the flower bed]

I hadn't thought about that. I have actually encountered that even when I am able to provide scripture to back my view and the other person is unable to even with my background in theology.. 

 

I have too, but not among Christians who are genuinely trying to be good to each other. I do not practice any religion that is based around any scripture, but I am also a scripture nerd and can exegete with the best of 'em, and I have found that THE way to tell if someone is really trying to be good to you or if they are trying to bust your balls is to explain your practice/interpretation and see how they react. Super good close friends will argue because they know you love it, and acquaintances will either quietly back off (which means good) or correct you (which means bad). I guess I was assuming those parents are basically good people. There are basically good people in small Christian towns, usually. I wish you could find those and get some relief by sticking with them.

[Χά�ων]

I can't mutli-quote.  (glare - can't use emotcons either.  double glare)

 

 

Are you on internet explorer? All of a sudden I cannot do crap on this forum in IE. I have to open Chrome. It is driving me crazy!

[poppy]

I don't think it's fair to say "well if the friend brings it up, just talk about your faith."  Christianity is an evangelical faith and there is a sales-pitch, all-welcome (and you're damned if you don't!) element to it that simply doesn't exist in some other faiths and belief systems.  

 

 

 

[albeto.]

I have too, but not among Christians who are genuinely trying to be good to each other. I do not practice any religion that is based around any scripture, but I am also a scripture nerd and can exegete with the best of 'em, and I have found that THE way to tell if someone is really trying to be good to you or if they are trying to bust your balls is to explain your practice/interpretation and see how they react. Super good close friends will argue because they know you love it, and acquaintances will either quietly back off (which means good) or correct you (which means bad). I guess I was assuming those parents are basically good people. There are basically good people in small Christian towns, usually. I wish you could find those and get some relief by sticking with them.

 

These are ten year old kids. They're doing what they've been taught, what they see modeled - sharing the "good news." When a kid genuinely thinks that people are born sinful and are in danger of spending eternity being horrifyingly punished without any chance of parole, they're doing the "good thing" by giving their friends the only escape - faith in Jesus. Religious beliefs are based on faith, accepting as true without evidence. Kids generally accept thing as truth because humans are born socially dependent, and trust is a huge part of that. Kids grow up assuming what their parents tell them is true. When they're surrounded by family and friends who all believe the same thing (like in the OP's hometown), it's got to be mind-boggling for a kid to wrap his or her head around the fact that someone else doesn't believe it. I imagine it might be worrisome for some of OP's ds's friends, too. I don't think these kids are not being "good," and I know you didn't say or imply that, but the idea that "good Christians don't evangelize friends" is a bit of a misnomer, and in my opinion, not fair to the posters here to raise their kids to do just that, for genuinely "good" reasons. Also, it's another no true scotsman fallacy that ought to be called out when it rears its little head. 

[Amy in NH]

 

We all know that all hell would break loose if DS started talking to them about his Gods.

 

 

This.  If they are not respecting his well stated boundaries, I would have him do it right back.  Maybe they will finally get it.

[Amy in NH]

These are ten year old kids. They're doing what they've been taught, what they see modeled - sharing the "good news." When a kid genuinely thinks that people are born sinful and are in danger of spending eternity being horrifyingly punished without any chance of parole, they're doing the "good thing" by giving their friends the only escape - faith in Jesus. Religious beliefs are based on faith, accepting as true without evidence. Kids generally accept thing as truth because humans are born socially dependent, and trust is a huge part of that. Kids grow up assuming what their parents tell them is true. When they're surrounded by family and friends who all believe the same thing (like in the OP's hometown), it's got to be mind-boggling for a kid to wrap his or her head around the fact that someone else doesn't believe it. I imagine it might be worrisome for some of OP's ds's friends, too. I don't think these kids are not being "good," and I know you didn't say or imply that, but the idea that "good Christians don't evangelize friends" is a bit of a misnomer, and in my opinion, not fair to the posters here to raise their kids to do just that, for genuinely "good" reasons. Also, it's another no true scotsman fallacy that ought to be called out when it rears its little head. 

 

Perhaps they should be taught to respect other people's religious beliefs, and also to mind their own business. 

 

They aren't being "good"; they're being rude.

[albeto.]

Perhaps they should be taught to respect other people's religious beliefs, and also to mind their own business. 

 

They aren't been "good"; they're being rude.

 

 

I agree with you, but for a kid who is genuinely interested in what they understand to be the eternal well-being if a friend, they're not being "rude" but "helpful." Ultimately, though, what they should do is really not up to the OP. She's in the position of helping her son navigate being unwanted target practice.

[gardenmom5]

Are you on internet explorer? All of a sudden I cannot do crap on this forum in IE. I have to open Chrome. It is driving me crazy!

 

yes - I've been meaning to use firefox to come here as I've got it on my computer, but I forget.

[trlt]

I agree with you, but for a kid who is genuinely interested in what they understand to be the eternal well-being if a friend, they're not being "rude" but "helpful." Ultimately, though, what they should do is really not up to the OP. She's in the position of helping her son navigate being unwanted target practice.

It is rude when the op's son makes it clear he has no interest in their faith and they continue. Parents that raise their child to evangelize should also teach them that when its clear the other person isn't interested they should drop the subject. I personally think that people should not evangelize in the first place, it's just rude to people of other faiths and those who do not believe. How would you feel if my child went on and on about how god wasn't real and didn't stop?