What do you tell your doctor that you do?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Lately doctors have been asking me what my occupation is.  What do you reply?  I've been a bit hesitant to say that we homeschool, but I don't know quite why.  And yet I'm not totally a SAHM mom in all that implies either.  I mean, I am, but I spent at least 5 hours of my day homeschooling my kids, so it takes a big chunk of my time and effort, you know.  They ask because they are trying to figure out some major chronic problems and want to know what my lifestyle is.  

[Dandelion]

Since they're asking to better understand your lifestyle, and how it's contributing to your health issues, I would just focus on describing your typical daily activities.  The title is not as important as an accurate description of your activities.

 

If you really want a title, you could call yourself an educator or WAHM ("work at home mom").  Both will require some clarification, as your daily activities probably don't fit neatly into any preconceived notion of what an educator or WAHM does. 

[LucyStoner]

I say I am at home fulltime and homeschooling. I've been seeing the same people forever so they know about when I made the transition from working FT.

[Mrs Mungo]

I tell them I homeschool my teens. They seem to understand that it places a certain amount of mental stimulation (not just a bored housewife) and stress in my life.

[Melissa in Australia]

I tell them I am a full time home educator, plus a full time student ( doing my Bachelors)

[GSOchristie]

i just say SAHM, but my kids are little.  You have a far more demanding school day than me, I'm sure.

 

[Chris in VA]

When I homeschooled, I told her I was homeschooling. I consider it an occupation, unique though it is.

 

(It was a lot easier than telling people I'm a dog walker--ooo, the assumptions! lol)

[Blueridge]

I might further explain that, besides being a full-time homemaker, the homeschooling side of things is equivalent to 5 hours daily of tutoring work. Then there are the roles of adoring wife (usually) and nurturing mother, too. Sometimes I still can't believe we do all this stuff!

[Catherine]

I think what they are looking for is "homemaker" and possibly "teacher" without explanation, or with, if you think they'd be receptive. They are wanting to know how you spend your day-what you do with your time. It's at least party so that they can know if you are in stressful or dangerous situations all day, or are exposed to conditions or substances that could potentially make you sick.

 

For me-the answer would be stressful-sometimes! Dangerous-only when doing science-LOL.

[klmama]

I tell her that I homeschool the kids.  Her response is that it is a stressful job and I need to make sure to get enough exercise and down time for myself. 

 

 

[RoughCollie]

All I know is that I had a difficult time getting any doctor to take my cardiovascular disease seriously bc they all chalked up the symptoms to being due to stress from homeschooling.  I nearly died twice because of that.  Seriously.  Once I was admitted to the hospital and the chief of cardiology came the next morning and gave me a long speech about the stress of homeschooling and sent me home.  I went to the ER of another hospital and they kept me under observation and on heart meds for 20 hours without treatment, although I was very vocal about needing specific treatment.  I finally told the nurse I was going to remove the IV and go from their Harvard Med School hospital to a UMass hospital at which I was friends with a cardiologist to get the treatment I needed.  Within an hour I was getting treatment and had 2 additional stents put in.

 

After that, I quit mentioning homeschooling.  Now that my kids are all in college, I don't have that problem anyway.

[Murphy101]

I have 10 kids, they never ask what I do. Usually they say something like, "omg you have TEN kinds? You home school?"

 

Which is fine. I get it. 10 kids IS a full time job and many large families do chose to home school.

 

They usually seem more interested in what my dh does and how involved he is. Which he is happy enough to answer briefly before steering them back to the patient (me) on the table. :)

[Ellie]

I'm a full-time homemaker.

 

It is what it is. :-)

 

The doctor isn't wanting to get into philosophical discussions. He just really wants to know whether you are employed by someone (or if you are the employer), whether you leave the house or work from home for someone else, or whether you stay at home with all the responsibilities and activities that entails.

[Jenny in Florida]

I've always said, "I'm a homeschooling mom."

 

Nowadays, since I'm not doing much hands-on school, I say, "I work part-time tutoring online and doing retail, but mostly I drive my teens all over town."

 

If there's any flicker of real interest, I might explain that my son is a dancer who spends a lot of hours at the studio and travelling for competitions.

 

I've never had anyone react negatively.

[Lara in Colo]

professional mother

[TravelingChris]

I always wrote homeschool  until this year when now I write that I am self employed and a teacher/tutor plus I homeschool my own daughter.  I do teach two classes, plus I tutor one student and for that, I have to have a business license and I am considered self employed.  It isn't a major source of income- very minor, actually, but it is the truth.  I also have put at times before that I am a volunteer.  

 

Unlike Rough Collie, I have never had anyone tell me I have to much stress and that contributes to my symptoms.  Of course, I don't have heart issues, I have things like Sjogren's Syndrome, RA, asthma, etc.  In this community, I have found that it helps me get better care if I tell them what I do, particularly the subjects I teach  and tutor (mostly math, but also criminal justice).  That is because the specialists in this area serve not only our city (a city with a  relatively high proportion of college educated or graduate level educated people) but also further out rural areas up to a few hours away- where most people are maybe high school educated or maybe less so and the high school education levels especially for the older people was very low.  So how much they trust your interpretations and observations and how much and in what way they explain procedures and options to you is very much based on whether they read your  education level correctly. 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

All I know is that I had a difficult time getting any doctor to take my cardiovascular disease seriously bc they all chalked up the symptoms to being due to stress from homeschooling. 

Your story is part of the reason I've hesitated telling them that I homeschool!  What I do has never been an issue or even been asked before by doctors.  But this year everyone is asking me.  I don't know if it is because I'm finally trying to get more answers on my chronic problems or if it is the newest advice to doctors.  I have bad memories of doctors telling me that my problems were "all in my head" or that I needed psych help instead of medical help.  So I am wary that possible perceptions of a homeschooling mom being stressed or unable to let go of her children or. . .  might color their diagnoses.  

[Tammy (TX)]

 

I understand your reasoning. When I was trying to get my extreme fatigue figured out, I had a couple of doctors slap me on the back and tell me it's because I had three kids (and homeschooled them.) Then they offered me an antidepressant. Um, no.

 

I had to pay out of pocket and go to alternative doctors to be taken seriously. I found that when medical doctors don't know what is causing a problem, they tell you it's in your head. I ended up being diagnosed with autoimmune thyroid problems.

 

Hope you find a doctor with whom you can be truthful and get your problem figured out!

 

 

 

 

Your story is part of the reason I've hesitated telling them that I homeschool! What I do has never been an issue or even been asked before by doctors. But this year everyone is asking me. I don't know if it is because I'm finally trying to get more answers on my chronic problems or if it is the newest advice to doctors. I have bad memories of doctors telling me that my problems were "all in my head" or that I needed psych help instead of medical help. So I am wary that possible perceptions of a homeschooling mom being stressed or unable to let go of her children or. . . might color their diagnoses.

[zoobie]

I put "mom, teacher, attorney" and fully admit the last is on there at least partially as a balm to my own ego. Though I do believe there can be a difference in how the doctor (or whomever) talks to me, which I've noticed when the attorney part comes out later. Interesting gauge on how people respect the roles...

[goldberry]

I have 10 kids, they never ask what I do. Usually they say something like, "omg you have TEN kinds? You home school?"

 

Which is fine. I get it. 10 kids IS a full time job and many large families do chose to home school.

 

They usually seem more interested in what my dh does and how involved he is. Which he is happy enough to answer briefly before steering them back to the patient (me) on the table. :)

 

I would NEVER presume to ask a mom of 10 kids "what she does"...(insert bowing down icon here!)

 

Anyone who would ask that deserves whatever they get!

[Spryte]

Jean, are you speaking of the section that asks for occupation on a new patient form, or is this a question asked by the doctor in person?

 

My answer varies, according to the doctor.  I've had quite the rounds of docs, too, so I understand the feeling that they are looking for  a quick and easy answer (stress).

 

Most of my doctors now know that we homeschool, because we have long-term relationships and they knew me before homeschooling (DS is only in 4th, so we've only got 5 years under the belt here).  With new doctors (I'm thinking of a recent new neuro in particular), I was more hesitant about stating what we do, but did tell him.

 

I hope you find answers.  Good, solid answers.  And soon.

[Murphy101]

I don't mind them asking.

 

Beats the occasional "concerned citizen" response of, "Mr Martha, would you please step out so I can exam your wife." And dh and I looking at each other like, "what's he think he's gonna see that dh hasn't?"

 

9/10 times they will finagle and subtly do their best to get me alone to ask something along the lines of:

 

You don't have to keep getting/stay pregnant. We can help you without him knowing.

 

Do you feel safe with him? You don't have to have him here if you feel uncomfortable.

 

Dh and I have reached a point where we pick up on those types and I just tell them I'm safe, my dh doesn't have dominion over me and I actually want my kids. Saves a lot of annoyance on our part. ;)

[RoughCollie]

I put "mom, teacher, attorney" and fully admit the last is on there at least partially as a balm to my own ego. Though I do believe there can be a difference in how the doctor (or whomever) talks to me, which I've noticed when the attorney part comes out later. Interesting gauge on how people respect the roles...

 

I tell docs that I'm an attorney and an accountant when they treat me like I'm a dimwit.  I was ready to fire my primary care doc, but gave him a short lecture instead.  The next time I saw him, he asked why I hadn't been there in 2 years (I'm supposed to see him every 6 months) and I told him it was because I thought he was a jerk.  He said, now you've hurt my feelings.  I said, I didn't cause that, you did.  After that, we got along just fine. His feelings weren't really hurt, and we engaged in banter that was fun. I like him now.

 

BUT, one of my kids' friends is the son of an attorney, and that is emblazoned in red sharpie across the front of his medical chart!

 

So while my doc treats me like I have a brain, now I wonder if he orders unnecessary tests.  And I wonder whether the reason the kids' docs refer them to specialists for every little thing is because they know that about me. Oh well, can't dance and it's too wet to plow.

 

It really gets to me, though, that nearly everyone I know around here is treated like they are stupid by the docs.  It's such an authoritarian culture here that people don't mind, don't ask questions, just take what they are told and don't understand half of it.

 

I don't usually tell people I'm an attorney unless it blatantly comes up in conversation.

[JudoMom]

I tell them I'm a homeschooling Mom of 5 boys.  It is what it is :D.

[Reflections]

All I know is that I had a difficult time getting any doctor to take my cardiovascular disease seriously bc they all chalked up the symptoms to being due to stress from homeschooling.  I nearly died twice because of that.  Seriously.  

 

Yep!  This!

 

I've been burned so many times, that I avoid the question - I try not to let them ask.  If there's a form, I leave it blank.  If they ask, I tell them I work mostly from home.  They usually don't press.  Once I've established a relationship, then I tell them IF it comes up in conversation.

 

 

And, how awful is this - doctors think that patients lie.  They expect them too, to some extent, imo.  And before people start flinging tomatoes at me, know that that is MY experience.  

[RoughCollie]

And, how awful is this - doctors think that patients lie.  They expect them too, to some extent, imo.  And before people start flinging tomatoes at me, know that that is MY experience.  

 

We ran into that when my son had a grand mal seizure for no discernable reason, out of the blue, a few weeks ago.  The  ER tested him for drugs and the test came back positive for opiates.  I could tell the doc didn't believe us when we said that was impossible, unless it was caused by DS having eaten poppyseed bagels the day before.  The doc waved off the bagel theory.  It made me mad, but I didn't do anything except repeat that DS doesn't use drugs Getting angry would not have solved the problem because around here, a lot of kids do use drugs.  I was also mad that they drug-tested him, but I guess they were actually ruling out a potential cause of the seizure.

 

Plus, I didn't want to be the mom who doth protest too much.  I really hate it when docs (or anyone) acts like that ... I know my kid and I know what he does and doesn't do, and the reasons for it.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Jean, are you speaking of the section that asks for occupation on a new patient form, or is this a question asked by the doctor in person?

 

Asked by the doctor in person.

[Reflections]

 Oh well, can't dance and it's too wet to plow.

 

It really gets to me, though, that nearly everyone I know around here is treated like they are stupid by the docs.  It's such an authoritarian culture here that people don't mind, don't ask questions, just take what they are told and don't understand half of it.

 

You live near me don't you?????  (said sarcastically) 

 

I'm also under the distinct impression that there are quite a few male doctors who feel that most women are there because they are craving attention and are trying to get out of housework.  

 

It's very frustrating.

[Reflections]

We ran into that when my son had a grand mal seizure for no discernable reason, out of the blue, a few weeks ago.  The  ER tested him for drugs and the test came back positive for opiates.  I could tell the doc didn't believe us when we said that was impossible, unless it was caused by DS having eaten poppyseed bagels the day before.  The doc waved off the bagel theory.  It made me mad, but I didn't do anything except repeat that DS doesn't use drugs Getting angry would not have solved the problem because around here, a lot of kids do use drugs.  I was also mad that they drug-tested him, but I guess they were actually ruling out a potential cause of the seizure.

 

Plus, I didn't want to be the mom who doth protest too much.  I really hate it when docs (or anyone) acts like that ... I know my kid and I know what he does and doesn't do, and the reasons for it.

 

That made me mad just reading it!  I know how frustrating that feels.  

[zoobie]

Asked by the doctor in person.

 

I definitely think it can be relevant--not only for stress related concerns, but also for environmental exposures, etc. I just wish no one had to worry there's a personal judgment factor too. Hopefully your doc is one of the good ones. :)

[Murphy101]

I don't care if they think I'm lying anymore.

 

Because frankly I feel like every one of them lie too.

 

I presume my dr is lying to me. Lying about giving a genuine effort at VBAC. Lying that a test is truly necessary. Lying that I shouldn't worry. Lying that their hospital/clinic is the best. Lying that I'll have a say in my treatment. Lying that they will explain all my options.

 

And when drs complain that they base their presumptions on their experiences in practice, I explain that I'm just doing the same thing.

[FaithManor]

I had a very bad experience with two different docs who wouldn't even consider testing me for my thyroid problems because I homeschooled. Their go too argument that everyone knows people can't stand being home all day with their kids and if I wouldn't put them in school, then I needed and anti-depressant to fix me so I could continue.

 

UGH...ended up at a an endo that not only found the problem but was MORTIFED by those other two quacks. But, it's made me very cautious and since I've never given up piano performance completely, I just list or say "professional musician" and extricate myself from any part of the discussion that starts leading farther then "DO you prefer Bach or Beethoven" (the two composers they always remember, LOL and I respond "Debussey!").

 

If I didn't have the professional musician thing to fall back on, I'd probably say professional tutor.

[Cindy in FL.]

My current gp home schools her daughters so we have great conversations about that when I see her. It has never really been discussed with my other docs.

[Orthodox6]

Doctor:  What do you do for a living?

 

Me:  I'm a teacher.

 

Doctor;  Where do you teach? OR What grade?

 

Me:  We homeschool.  I teach K-12.

 

No problems ever arise.  Doctors aren't members of the NEA, so they are not trying to drive me out of existence.

 

 

P.S.  The pediatrician doesn't care what I do for a living.  She just wants to brainwash me into letting her inflict the Gardasil vaccine on my daughter. 

[Ewe Mama]

Curriculum Specialist. (Aka, curriculum junkie)

 

Life skills Counselor/Trainer

 

Principal at a very exclusive private school

 

CEO of small company

 

Nutritionist

 

Writer/Editor

 

Teacher

 

It really depends how sassy I'm feeling as to how I answer. Just because I'm not paid to do any of the above jobs, does not make them any less valid or important. I am proud of my skills and abilities. I just happen to do all of my work pro bono. :)

[happypamama]

I say that I homeschool or that I'm a SAHM, but it is usually fairly obvious because I generally have most, if not all, of my children with me, and it is usually in the middle of the day. They've been to more midwife appointments than DH has, and my regular PCP is my children's doctor as well. I live in a very friendly hs'ing area, though, but if a doctor blamed something on hs'ing, I'd find a new doctor.

[Susan in TN]

I'm a Benevolent Dictator. That's what I put on medical forms and things like that.

[prairiewindmomma]

---

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

I'd say "Dean of Curriculum and Instruction at a small, exclusive private school."

 

I'm fine with "homeschooling father" because it's weird enough to either start or prevent a conversation, depending on the listener.  "I homeschool by day and teach SAT prep by night" is useful if I think I can get a referral out of someone.