One of the best things dh and I ever did for our marriage

[Ottakee]

When we moved to our new house I bought a stand alone 2 seater patio/porch swing for $10 at a garage sale.  It is sturdy but the cushions are a bit worn/dirty as they aren't removable.

 

That said we put it next to our little pond in the back yard and almost every night from spring till fall we sit outside there for 5-30 minutes and just swing and talk.  The kids are in the house and we are out there all alone.  It is just so relaxing and peaceful and gives us time to reconnect after the busy day.

 

What do you do to help your marriage?

[saraha]

Date night once a week. Dh brings home Subway or Chinese, or if money is tight, just some ice cream, and we have a list of shows we are watching on Netflix. The kids are in bed by 8 that night. Dh waits on me, fixes my plate or dishes up the ice cream while I relax in the family room.

[Guest]

Aw! I love porch swings. We actually have one, but dh hasn't hung it yet. :)

 

I think one of the best things we've ever done is to have early bedtimes for our kids. The countless hours that we have been able to spend over the last 8 years, just visiting after a crazy day with work and kids, has proven priceless. Our kids will continue having early bedtimes for the immediate near future and I know that our time together will continue to be a priority. We aren't date people, but we definitely get our time in. Another thing we have done, silly as it sounds, is NOT to get rid of cable, like so many people recommend. We are the kind of people who will sit and talk through a TV show, though. We watch a lot of documentary type shows, and basically I ask questions the whole time, and my husband answers, and shows me not only how incredibly knowledgeable he is, but I have learned a ton about him, as well. We are very close.

[*Lulu*]

Save all of our gripes and honey dos for a once a week meeting.

 

We walk away from that meeting having paid bills, confirmed plans for the week, each if us with a list of items we are going to handle, and whatever grievances we have having been heard. If it isn't a big enough deal to save for the meeting, it isn't worth fussing about anyway.

 

We also spend about an hour each evening after the kids go to bed vegging with ipads or a show and chatting.

 

We also text at some point during the day. Usually just quick little banter, but it helps me feel connected to the way we were back before my name changed to Mom.

[fraidycat]

All awesome ideas here. DH and I still struggle to get much quality time in on a regular basis, but one thing we do is be open and honest about it so if either if us feels the need for some alone time we figure out a way to make it happen with a walk, at home date, etc. it wasn't always like that. We'd get snippy with each other, need to have a "talk", then realize it wasn't the subject matter, but the time together that was the cure all.

 

Still hoping to get more of a regular routine happening, but our life is anything but routine. DH's job can't decide which shift they want him on from one week to the next! But, either way his hours are long so he doesn't get much downtime for much of anything, let alone regular alone time with the wife. ;). DS is very much a "Daddy hog" because he craves the male bonding so much after being home with girls all day...even the cats are girls!!

[regentrude]

We go for an hour long walk almost every night. Occasionally one of the kids want to come along, but most often it is just the two of us.

[HRAAB]

Sit in the orchard in the evening with a glass of wine.  Take a walk in the evening.  We go out for coffee/breakfast on Sat. morning.  Now that my children are older we can even get away for a weekend on occasion - if I can get an older sister to stay with my 13 yr olds.  Sometimes we just say mom and dad need time alone and lock our bedroom door - could just be for uninterrupted conversation. 

[Pegasus]

Similar to other posters, we take the dog for a walk in the evening. The kids aren't allowed to come.  Now that we have teens, we also run errands together almost every weekend without the girls, and will usually have lunch while we are out.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Walk after dinner...which helps my blood sugar and lets us talk about stuff away from the kids.

Yep, walk

[Melissa in Australia]

We talk,  about everything and anything. We also hold each other's hands a lot.... and do that glance at each other thingy ALL THE TIME ( at least 100 times a day). I heard   about a study about that glance at each other thingy the other day and how it sets off sorts of signals in your brain that make you reconnect with your partner

[BakersDozen]

We take a walk right after dinner but we take at least one stroller with kids in it. I get exercise and a break from the house, we get to talk, but the stroller keeps our hands busy which is good because I loathe holding hands. I also don't like sitting close to anyone so a porch swing made for two is a nightmare for me. :) A walk, that's good, though. Close...but not too close.

[lynn]

I get up every morning when dh gets up for work.  I start the coffee and see him off to work every morning.  Weekends we have coffee on the back porch.  We walk together most evenings.   We go out to lunch just about every Saturday.   We still hold hands.   I  sit outside when he's working on the cars or motorcycles and help or we just chat.

[Alicia64]

Date night once a week. Dh brings home Subway or Chinese, or if money is tight, just some ice cream, and we have a list of shows we are watching on Netflix. The kids are in bed by 8 that night. Dh waits on me, fixes my plate or dishes up the ice cream while I relax in the family room.

 

This is so cute. I'm not sure I could get my dc into bed by 8 -- but this is so cute.

 

Alley

[Murphy101]

An early bedtime for the kids so we can have alone time at night. And I almost always get up before or with him so we have time to talk or snuggle before a new day of chaos ensues. We talk about everything and anything. And even when we disagree, we have each other's back. We unite in decisions about the kids.

[*********]

We pray together. When we don't, things go badly in our marriage. When we do, at least we're a team facing the bad things together if they happen; but we also have much more peace and less 'bad' when we pray together.

 

It was a strange, sort of uncomfortable thing in the beginning to pray together. It was new, we didn't know if we were "doing it right". Now, I miss it if a day goes by that dh doesn't take my hand and pray with me. And when we let it slide for a time, that usually means there's something going on; either between us, or with one of us, etc. Seems like we haven't learned yet that the times we need to pray the MOST are NOT the times to QUIT praying together. We're quick like that. :D

[Mom-ninja.]

I stopped using flat sheets on our bed. That one thing has prevented our marriage foundation from being crumbly.

[QueenCat]

Hold each other as we fall asleep......... and sleep sans clothing, always.

Run errands together when possible.

Eat out at least once a week, makes chatting without interruption much easier and relaxing.

 

[QueenCat]

I stopped using flat sheets on our bed. That one thing has prevented our marriage foundation from being crumbly.

 

I don't get it........... what do you mean?

[Melissa in Australia]

I don't get it........... what do you mean?

I don't get it either, maybe the flat sheets weren't tucked in and made the bed wrinkly and it started a fight about bedmaking? :confused1:

[sassenach]

Date night once a week. Dh brings home Subway or Chinese, or if money is tight, just some ice cream, and we have a list of shows we are watching on Netflix. The kids are in bed by 8 that night. Dh waits on me, fixes my plate or dishes up the ice cream while I relax in the family room.

My friends do that and call it a couch date.

 

Save all of our gripes and honey dos for a once a week meeting.

 

We walk away from that meeting having paid bills, confirmed plans for the week, each if us with a list of items we are going to handle, and whatever grievances we have having been heard. If it isn't a big enough deal to save for the meeting, it isn't worth fussing about anyway.

 

We also spend about an hour each evening after the kids go to bed vegging with ipads or a show and chatting.

 

We also text at some point during the day. Usually just quick little banter, but it helps me feel connected to the way we were back before my name changed to Mom.

We do a sync meeting where we sync our schedules, the budget, ect.

 

We also have a date night once a week where we don't talk about anything we covered at our sync meeting.  I get seriously off kilter when we don't have our date night.  

 

I really, really want a swing!  I was just saying to dh that a swing would go perfectly with his new pipe.

[Delirium]

Laugh together. We have a couple's game night every couple months it definitely brings us closer together.

[Joker]

We spend at least 30 minutes in our room alone after he comes home from work. Dds know not to interrupt.

[KungFuPanda]

I put out.

[LucyStoner]

A few things:

 

We both got rid of the 50-50 idea and accepted that marriage is 100-100.  We are equally important, equally awesome, equally valuable.  We are not equal.  We will not always have equal levels of energy, equal amounts of time or an equal ability to give. We are not suited to split every little thing 50-50. We will not always want to do the same things.  We are not the same person.  We don't keep score or expect the other person to match their or our own best days.  

 

I learned to make the bed everyday and he learned not to get pissy about my habit of kicking out the tucked covers every night. So long as he gets to slip into a made bed and I get to wake up in a throughly unmade one, we are both happy.  

 

I labeled the kitchen cabinets.  Don't ask.  

 

We spend time alone to the very best of our ability.  We always try to say yes when the other person wants something, be it sex or a date or a conversation but we each accept when the other person needs to say no for whatever reason because we know we each would if we could.  

 

 

 

[Chris in VA]

We decided to stay married. That mindset helped us weather storms and seek healing when we needed to.

[Alicia64]

I put out.

 

Thanks for the great laugh this a.m. I read it to DH and he laughed too!

 

Alley

[Alicia64]

I put out.

 

Thanks for the great laugh this a.m. I read it to DH and he laughed too!

 

Alley

[MommaOfalotta]

Save all of our gripes and honey dos for a once a week meeting.

 

We walk away from that meeting having paid bills, confirmed plans for the week, each if us with a list of items we are going to handle, and whatever grievances we have having been heard. If it isn't a big enough deal to save for the meeting, it isn't worth fussing about anyway.

 

 

 

This is genius.

[Erin]

Action I took:

I learned to text.  

 

Seriously.  He figured it out before me but I fought it.  

Once I learned though, I discovered how easy it is to send, and receive, notes throughout the day.   You're in my mind, so I'm dropping you a note, so to speak.  :)

 

 

Philosophy we've adopted:

We're each married to nothing more than a broken sinner.  

 

As a population, we tend to want our spouse to be a porn star or a chick-flick hero, as the case may be.  That's a lot of pressure and creates completely unrealistic expectations.  It's not fair.  

Christ loved us as broken sinners, and our love for Him challenges us to be better.  OTOH, we tend to love people as unrealistic ideals, and then are disappointed when we find out it's not the case.   So of course to love others as He first loved us, which is the model we should aim for?

Every time God fires us in the crucible of our marriage, he pours off a few more impurities and what we're left with is just a little shinier and more valuable.

[Mom-ninja.]

I don't get it either, maybe the flat sheets weren't tucked in and made the bed wrinkly and it started a fight about bedmaking? :confused1:

 

You know those little annoying things that can add up and make one explode? Yeah. The sheets. My dh has this unearthly habit of getting the flat sheet completely twisted and balled up around his body while sleeping. During the night he actually jerks the flat sheet off me while twisting it around and around his legs and body. It's like he's wrestling an alligator in his sleep. So there were many nights of me fighting for the sheet and many days of me having to basically strip the bed to fix the mangled flat sheet. Every day the pressure of annoyance built up. Finally, I decided to stop making our bed the "American" way with a flat sheet and switch to the "German" way of no flat sheet. Life is much much better now.

 

There have been a few times that dh begins to get all wrestly (yes I made that word up) with the blanket, but I've been known to counter attack. In the winter we usually have separate blankets. Saves our marriage I tell you.  

[Chris in VA]

Kleine H--I completely understand. Since living here in Israel, I have started making the bed with two flat, or, top, as I call them, sheets--twin sized so we each get our own. Very nice not to have the sheet ripped off your bod when your spouse turns over away from you in the middle of the night!:-)

[NicAnn]

Oh I get that. I make our bed with two flat sheets and two heavier blankets. Sharing blankets is annoying.

 

Another thing we do is just practice kindness. I don't suppose either of us think about it, we just do it. Dh made me a fancy coffee this morning. I took his dishes into the sink while we was working hard on the computer so he didn't have to come out of his work mindset. He left at 10pm last night to put gas in the car so I didn't have to get up early and do it before my meeting. Little things.

[freeindeed]

Great ideas in this thread. We try to have a date night at least every couple of months and also get the kids in bed at least an hour before we go to bed ourselves.

[Miss Peregrine]

You know those little annoying things that can add up and make one explode? Yeah. The sheets. My dh has this unearthly habit of getting the flat sheet completely twisted and balled up around his body while sleeping. During the night he actually jerks the flat sheet off me while twisting it around and around his legs and body. It's like he's wrestling an alligator in his sleep. So there were many nights of me fighting for the sheet and many days of me having to basically strip the bed to fix the mangled flat sheet. Every day the pressure of annoyance built up. Finally, I decided to stop making our bed the "American" way with a flat sheet and switch to the "German" way of no flat sheet. Life is much much better now.

 

There have been a few times that dh begins to get all wrestly (yes I made that word up) with the blanket, but I've been known to counter attack. In the winter we usually have separate blankets. Saves our marriage I tell you.

Yes! No sharing covers here. I would wake up freezing and look over at DH wrapped up like a burrito.

[momto10blessings]

We set aside one night a week to hang out after the kids are in bed. Usually Friday night. Some times we will eat a later dinner together or make ice cream sundaes. When the weather is nice we usually sit outside for a few hours. We just TALK about everything that is on our minds. Vent. We go to bed feeling so much better.