Since when did eating lunch become a late afternoon thing?

[planner]

My 9 year old daughter has had two play dates recently, one scheduled for 1PM and the other for 2PM. Both times, we ate lunch prior to the friend arriving. Both times, the girls were at my house for about 20 minutes before my daughter comes and tells me that her friend hasn't eaten lunch yet. So, I, not be one to let children go hungry, go through the list of what I could easily make, and let the child make a selection. I prepare it and feed the friend.

 

My daughter doesn't ask for food so I know it's not her wanting food. I'm just so shocked that people don't feed their kid before sending them over for the afternoon.

[Murphy101]

What time do they get up? Many people don't finish breakfast until10am or later.

 

I phrase it as, "Let's meet after lunch, at 1:30. ""

 

It sends the message that I will. Not expect. Too need to serve a meal.

[planner]

What time do they get up? Many people don't finish breakfast until10am or later.

 

I phrase it as, "Let's meet after lunch, at 1:30. ""

 

It sends the message that I will. Not expect. Too need to serve a meal.

 

 

Good idea to specify after lunch. That does send a message in a nice way.

 

My daughter attends a charter school and they're both friends from school. These girls were in school a week ago eating lunch at 10:55.

[Joker]

I wouldn't send my dds to someone's home at that time and expect them to be fed unless specified, but we routinely eat lunch around 2pm here. Dd has an early lunch at ps but doesn't actually eat lunch. She usually just has a snack and has lunch after she gets home around 2:30pm.

[JustEm]

It depends on when they get up. Most days we don't have lunch till 2 because we have breakfast around 10. But if I were to ever have a play date around that time I sure would feed my child first or bring food for them. But specifying after lunch should solve that problem

[Alte Veste Academy]

I think it is fine to eat lunch late. We often do. But I would not send my kid to someone's house without having eaten, knowing the friend's parents will get the "I'm hungry" from my kid shortly, and it is a GIANT pet peeve of mine to have kids over who complain of hunger shortly after they arrive. If you are staying for the entire afternoon, obviously a snack will be in order, but being expected to feed someone a full meal 15 minutes after they get to my house is just annoying (unless they were invited for a meal, of course).

[TammyinTN]

Here, we eat a late breakfast around 10, lunch around 2 and dinner at 7. Dh doesn't get home until later as he has a 2 hour commute home each evening.

[Janie Grace]

We eat lunch around noon. If it was a 1:00 playdate, I'd say something like "I'll feed him lunch first" so that there would be no confusion. I wouldn't dream of sending a kid right before he/she is ready to eat a major meal unless the hostess had specified that she would be fixing that meal.

[Paige]

Are you sure the parent didn't already feed the child? Your daughter may not be wanting food but it doesn't mean the other child hasn't eaten. I've started calling parents and asking before passing out significant snacks. You never know who has food restrictions these days.

 

I would feed my kids before sending them to a playdate at that time, but that doesn't mean my kids won't ask for a snack. They "forget" they've eaten. Even if they're at home they'll say, "Did we eat lunch?" :001_huh: Yes. Yes, we did.

[JustEm]

One other thing, the kid might not actually be hungry in particular. Both of my children will without a doubt say they are hungry 5 minutes after arriving anywhere, no matter when they ate last!! Its not that they are hungry but they know if they say it the person will most likely offer them some sort of yummy treat that I wouldn't otherwise give them. I'm now prepared with carrots whenever we go to someone's house. sometimes they eat the carrots and sometimes they change their minds and aren't hungry anymore.

[skimomma]

There is a chance the kids had lunch at home but are fishing for different or "better" food at your place. This happens a lot with dd's friends....also 9 yo. I am close friends with the parents of two of her close friends so we have had candid discussions about this. After a few play dates when the kids tell me they are hungry 15 minutes after coming over "after lunch" I asked the parents about it. Each time, the kid had lunch at home. Kids are smart. They know which houses have the good food or might be more accommodating to a guest than their own parents are at home. Either consider it a compliment or start serving foods that are good but not necessarily special or "fun." Knowing this, I have guided my own kid to NOT ask for food right after arriving anywhere and to eat a substantial lunch at home before playing. If a snack is offered, great....but asking is not cool unless she has been there for a few hours and is legitimately hungry.

[Lady Florida.]

It depends on when they get up.

 

I agree. Most people we know IRL consider lunch time to be between 11 and 1, but we know a few late risers who don't even eat breakfast until 10 or later. They didn't expect me to feed their kids lunch when ds was still of playdate age. They either sent something or fed the kid an earlier than usual (for them) lunch. At that hour, I'd probably have some healthy snacks available. I usually asked though, regardless of the time, if they wanted me to make sure their child had something to eat.

[zoobie]

Are you sure the parent didn't already feed the child? Your daughter may not be wanting food but it doesn't mean the other child hasn't eaten. I've started calling parents and asking before passing out significant snacks. You never know who has food restrictions these days.

 

I would feed my kids before sending them to a playdate at that time, but that doesn't mean my kids won't ask for a snack. They "forget" they've eaten. Even if they're at home they'll say, "Did we eat lunch?" :001_huh: Yes. Yes, we did.

 

 

My DS has been known to ask "What's for dinner?" as we're still doing dinner dishes. :)

[ChristusG]

I wouldn't send my daughter to someone's house that late without having eaten lunch. That's pretty late!

[ChristusG]

Also, I always send lunch with my kids if it is near lunchtime. I never expect them to provide lunch.

[plath]

We don't eat late. We finish breakfast by 8, have lunch at 11 and my kids are ready for a snack at 1 or 2. We don't eat dinner until 6:30 so generally have two afternoon snacks.

[regentrude]

If something is scheduled so close to a normal meal time, I would clarify whether the invitation includes the meal or whether I expect the guest to have eaten before. We eat lunch at noon when we rise at 7am during the school year; if we sleep late in summer or on weekends, 1-2pm is definitely a reasonable lunch time.

[RemsMom]

DD was so excited about a play date one time that she wouldn't eat lunch so I sent her lunchbox along in case she got hungry. She was having so much fun that she had not eaten lunch when I got her just before dinner time. She ended up eating her lunch in the car on the way home. I never expect people to feed my children especially if they are just playing for a couple of hours.

[Susan in TN]

We eat breakfast around 7 or 7:30, so lunch for us is at 11:30. But I would understand especially in summer if families sleep late and eat late too. I'd be inclined to call it "afternoon tea" :).

[nmoira]

We eat lunch between 1 and 2 (fruit snack with a bite of cheese at 11), but I'd never send my kids over to a friend's hungry unless a meal had been offered.

[Laura Corin]

1pm is late afternoon? We normally eat lunch at 1, but 1.30 is not uncommon. 2 would be unusual but not unheard of.

 

L

[Alte Veste Academy]

 

1pm is late afternoon? We normally eat lunch at 1, but 1.30 is not uncommon. 2 would be unusual but not unheard of.

 

L

 

 

Well this summer, since I started getting up at the crack of nuthin' for swim team and since we are now out the door well before my kids would typically even be awake... Yeah, 1 pm is now a very late lunch for us. My kids would gnaw off their own arms if we were eating that late. It's all I can do to get them to straight up noon. Rising time, breakfast time/quality/quantity, activity level, snackage... It's all relative, I'm learning.

[Caroline]

1pm is late afternoon? We normally eat lunch at 1, but 1.30 is not uncommon. 2 would be unusual but not unheard of.

 

L

 

 

This is how we operate, too.

[laundrycrisis]

I wouldn't make a meal in this situation. I would offer crackers, cheese and apple slices or something like that. But I would not want to set the expectation that every time you come over in the afternoon, a meal will be served unless we had planned on that.

[Laura Corin]

 

Yeah I wondered at calling 1 late afternoon. Even 2 isn't really late afternoon.

 

 

Given that noon is at noon, then I think of late afternoon as about 5pm.

 

L

[Laura Corin]

 

Well this summer, since I started getting up at the crack of nuthin' for swim team and since we are now out the door well before my kids would typically even be awake... Yeah, 1 pm is now a very late lunch for us. My kids would gnaw off their own arms if we were eating that late. It's all I can do to get them to straight up noon. Rising time, breakfast time/quality/quantity, activity level, snackage... It's all relative, I'm learning.

 

I understand the summer issue: it's only dark for about three hours at midsummer here, so waking and sleeping hours get a bit wonky. We tend to keep our meals at regular hours and just snack as necessary.

 

Laura

[Laura Corin]

We eat breakfast around 7 or 7:30, so lunch for us is at 11:30. But I would understand especially in summer if families sleep late and eat late too. I'd be inclined to call it "afternoon tea" .

 

But afternoon tea happens 'when the clock strikes 4'.

 

L

[katilac]

I wouldn't make a meal in this situation. I would offer crackers, cheese and apple slices or something like that. But I would not want to set the expectation that every time you come over in the afternoon, a meal will be served unless we had planned on that.

 

 

You may want to double-check produce prices and reconsider that plan! Sandwiches are cheaper than fruit, especially if they can eat peanut butter.

[LucyStoner]

I always ask if a child has eaten when they are dropped off. Then I feed them if they need it. It really doesn't bother me either way. My son eats at their houses as well. If a child is at my house for a few hours, I expect to give them at least a small meal. Now, to be fair my son seems to have friends who all eat like birds (same as him) and are used to a number of small meals each day rather than 3 large meals. Usually we are talking fruit, cheese and yogurt. Maybe a sandwich or toast. Maybe cookies or some baked good if they are lucky enough to be here when something has been baked.

[Firefly]

We eat meals later than most Americans, so I try to factor that in when they go to friends' houses-- either a snack before they go to tide them over until our meal time, or the meal beforehand. I never expect them to be fed a meal. That said, they are a group of hungry teens so they are always snacking no matter what house they're at. :) All the moms are pretty good about rotating houses or sending along snacks to share.

 

On my end, I usually don't mind at all feeding other kids an unplanned meal, since it happens rarely. If I want to make sure it doesn't happen, I just say "how about after lunch/before dinner" when discussion drop off or pick up times.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I usually feed my kids before I send them, regardless of the time. However, my kids often say they are hungry shortly after arriving. I usually let the host know when bringing them they have eaten.

[stripe]

My husband would be absolutely horrified if we did not feed anybody who came to our house at mealtime, or appeared to be hungry. We have had neighborhood kids eat at our house, and a few others whom we invited but ran off. One ended up even being a nasty bully! Ah well. Amusingly, my FIL was *delighted* but my mother thought it was a terrible idea! In all cases it was rice or bread with chicken and vegetable stews, although we actually do eat other foods. I would make your play dates at a less meal-ish time, or discuss this explicitly with the other mother.

[LucyStoner]

My husband would be absolutely horrified if we did not feed anybody who came to our house at mealtime, or appeared to be hungry.

 

Yeah, I see feeding people as part of hospitality. I don't expect people to feed my kids but I do offer food to pretty much anyone who comes in the door. Even if it is not a meal time, I am going to be offering coffee/tea/snacks or a beer/glass of wine to any adults who come over and I see kids as no different. Except I don't offer kids coffee, beer or wine :lol: . I am not offended when people decline but I would feel odd not offering.

[Lady Florida.]

My husband would be absolutely horrified if we did not feed anybody who came to our house at mealtime, or appeared to be hungry.

 

Yeah, I see feeding people as part of hospitality.

 

I never mind feeding people who come to my house, but especially kids. Now that ds is a teenager (and when dss was one) I pretty much expect that if a friend is here, the teens will eat, regardless of time.

[katilac]

I would make your play dates at a less meal-ish time, or discuss this explicitly with the other mother.

 

What could possibly be a less meal-ish time than two in the afternoon? If you start later, then you're running into early dinner times, lol.

[nansk]

My husband would be absolutely horrified if we did not feed anybody who came to our house at mealtime, or appeared to be hungry.

Exactly!

There is a scene in one of the Ramona books, where Ramona's parents are late to pick her up one evening from their neighbour's home, and the neighbour's family has their dinner while a hungry and worried Ramona waits outside for her parents.

And I could not imagine what kind of culture it is that lets a little child sit hungry while adults enjoy a nice, hot meal!

[stripe]

What could possibly be a less meal-ish time than two in the afternoon? If you start later, then you're running into early dinner times, lol.

 

Gosh. Considering quite a few people eat lunch at 1:30, I'd say that a child coming over at 10 am or 3:00-4:00 pm is a less meal-ish time. Any time that buffets in Vegas have extra low pricing would qualify. ;)

 

For the record, we once had a woman come with a visiting teenager to our house at 2 or 3 pm, I forget. She is a middle aged American widow of someone from the same country as my husband. Anyhoo, I thought it was so obviously not mealtime. My husband was positive that the lady would expect us to feed them. They came. They ate as if they hadn't eaten in days. So there you are. Not everyone does what we expect.

 

The OP's assumptions about when her kid's friends ate, were wrong. I am suggesting communication.

[LibraryLover]

Little kids are happy with juice pops. It's hydrating and fun. If they need a little more, some cheese and bread (unless I have been warned of gluten or non dairy/vegan diets) is available. I can tell if a kid is about to melt down. I make sure they get some liquids and protein, pronto. ;) It doesn't have to be extravagant or costly, and I can only offer what I can offer.

[Alte Veste Academy]

I sense a false dichotomy building here. I don't think it's all about being hospitable or not. I offer beverages and snacks. Of course I do. I offer homemade ice pops, tea time treats, and full on meals depending on the time and nature of the visit. I wouldn't let Ramona sit outside on the curb while my family enjoyed a hot dinner. LOL What bothers me (and I'm cranky about it because I've been there recently) is not the idea of feeding the child. No, what I mind is the lack of consideration on the part of the visiting child's parents, both for their own child's physical needs and for my ability (or not, based on preference, availability, convenience, etc.) to produce a meal for their child without a heads-up.

[LucyStoner]

What bothers me (and I'm cranky about it because I've been there recently) is not the idea of feeding the child. No, what I mind is the lack of consideration on the part of the visiting child's parents, both for their own child's physical needs and for my ability (or not, based on preference, availability, convenience, etc.) to produce a meal for their child without a heads-up.

 

All of that can be avoided with communication. When making the invitation, specify that its for after you all eat lunch. When they are being dropped off, if in doubt, ask.

 

A largish snack is a meal for a young child. So I guess I don't think of it as going out of my way. If I am having people over, food is available to whatever degree I am able to. If they haven't eaten yet, they just get more of whatever food I am offering. I have had people stay and chat after play dates and then stay for dinner without prior planning. Sometimes that means adding a lot of potato or making extra pasta. It's all fine. I don't think it is intentionally inconsiderate to drop off a child who has not been fed at 1PM in the afternoon given that so many people eat at so many different times. I try not to assign malicious intent or lack of consideration if I can avoid it. Makes life easier to just assume positive intent.

[LibraryLover]

I sense a false dichotomy building here. I don't think it's all about being hospitable or not. I offer beverages and snacks. Of course I do. I offer homemade ice pops, tea time treats, and full on meals depending on the time and nature of the visit. I wouldn't let Ramona sit outside on the curb while my family enjoyed a hot dinner. LOL What bothers me (and I'm cranky about it because I've been there recently) is not the idea of feeding the child. No, what I mind is the lack of consideration on the part of the visiting child's parents, both for their own child's physical needs and for my ability (or not, based on preference, availability, convenience, etc.) to produce a meal for their child without a heads-up.

 

 

Meh. Little kids are often happy with a little something. Offer lots of water. Sometimes kids think they are hungry when they need hydration.

 

Sure, the family might be 'abusing' the visit, but really, wouldn't a person offer a little something, no matter? When what you've got to offer is gone, it's gone.

 

If the child is really hungry and constantly asking for for food you don't have, let the other parent know. Let them know the playdate is being held after lunch etc.

 

This isn't about time of day.

[Susan in TN]

 

 

But afternoon tea happens '

.

 

L

 

 

See how I don't know anything about a proper tea? What do you suppose a hobbit might call it?

[KungFuPanda]

Here, we eat a late breakfast around 10, lunch around 2 and dinner at 7. Dh doesn't get home until later as he has a 2 hour commute home each evening.

 

 

This is our schedule.

 

I feel compelled to feed everyone because I was raised in the country and I'm damaged like that and I'd hate for grandma to haunt me over 'bad manners." Still, if I SENT my kid to someone's house I'd ASK about their meal schedule so there's no confusion. I'd probably also send a picnic big enough to share. Changing our schedule for a play date wouldn't be practical. Besides . . . 3-4 p.m. is "late afternoon". Anytime between noon-2 seems a 'normal' lunchtime unless you're in public school and eat at 10:30 in the morning.

 

My high schooler often walks in the door while Ds and I are eating lunch. She gets a 4th meal worked into her day and we get two meals with her. (We could have three, but nobody wants to get up at 6 a.m. when she's eating breakfast.). Even if we DID eat at noon, we tend to spend at least an hour at the table, so we wouldn't make a 1p.m. play date.

[planner]

I sense a false dichotomy building here. I don't think it's all about being hospitable or not. I offer beverages and snacks. Of course I do. I offer homemade ice pops, tea time treats, and full on meals depending on the time and nature of the visit. I wouldn't let Ramona sit outside on the curb while my family enjoyed a hot dinner. LOL What bothers me (and I'm cranky about it because I've been there recently) is not the idea of feeding the child. No, what I mind is the lack of consideration on the part of the visiting child's parents, both for their own child's physical needs and for my ability (or not, based on preference, availability, convenience, etc.) to produce a meal for their child without a heads-up.

 

 

 

When my children have a friend over, I fully expect to provide food. If we eat a meal, we share the meal with friends. We always offer snacks and drinks. I can sort of understand the 1PM play date not having eaten but the 2PM really surprised me. I was told at 2:30 that her friend needed lunch, not that she was simply hungry. Friend wanted a grilled cheese sandwich. I put a ton of carrot sticks out thinking she would eat one or two. She ate at least a dozen. She was truly hungry. It is not a monetary issue or a taking advantage issue. They feed my daughter often and I feed their daughter often. I was just surprised they hadn't fed their daughter and failed to mention it to me.

 

My daughter was at the 1PM play date's home today. I had to pick her up at 12:30. I packed a lunch for her as I needed to run errands. She had eaten lunch at the friend's house already and refused the lunch I packed for her.

 

Thanks for the discussion. For the future, I will state that the play date begins after lunch or be prepared with lunch for the friend.

[planner]

 

 

Meh. Little kids are often happy with a little something. Offer lots of water. Sometimes kids think they are hungry when they need hydration.

 

Sure, the family might be 'abusing' the visit, but really, wouldn't a person offer a little something, no matter? When what you've got to offer is gone, it's gone.

 

If the child is really hungry and constantly asking for for food you don't have, let the other parent know. Let them know the playdate is being held after lunch etc.

 

This isn't about time of day.

 

 

Oh, but it is about the time of day. I don't want to make multiple meals. I'm lazy like that. I've got tons of snacks but when a child says they need lunch, I'm not going to give them snacks. I'm going to fix them something warm and something with at least a bit of nutrition.

 

The 1PM play date is a super picky eater. She has eaten dinner at our house more times than I can count and I am totally convinced that when she gets home she has her mother prepare her something because she only picks at the food at our house. She has to be hungry when she leaves because she won't eat what we have except for juice. I try to avoid meal times for her simply because finding something she's willing to eat is burdensome, not because I resent feeding her.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Yeah, I understand communication is a cure. And sometimes realizing that people are different and that, in the grand scheme, it's no big deal, so stifling my irritation in favor of friendship but then harmlessly venting about it on an anonymous forum is a pretty decent treatment of the matter too... ;)

 

Anyway, I'm not assuming "intentional" rudeness on the part of the parent, just thoughtlessness. And, again, I understand hospitality. I've had people linger and stay for dinner too. Heck, I have friends who have lingered and I told them I didn't have anything in the house fit for dinner but then ordered pizza just so we could hang longer. I've extended plenty of impromptu invitations, offered to keep kids longer when mom's particularly stressed, blah, blah, blah. I'm not an inhospitable, inflexible wench. There are two sides, that's all. Personally, as I said, I wouldn't send my kid for an afternoon of play anywhere near meal time without feeding my kid a meal prior. It doesn't make those who do the worst people in the whole wide world. I'm mostly just whining here.

[katilac]

Whining is allowed!

[Lady Florida.]

Anytime between noon-2 seems a 'normal' lunchtime unless you're in public school and eat at 10:30 in the morning.

 

My high schooler often walks in the door while Ds and I are eating lunch. She gets a 4th meal worked into her day and we get two meals with her.

 

 

Ugh! I hated that when I taught high school. The years when I had "first lunch", which was usually around 10:30, I came home from work at 2:30 or 3 and headed straight for the kitchen to find something to eat. I never went back after ds was born, but our county has since changed school hours. HIgh school now goes from 8:45-3:30, and the earliest lunch is at noon. I guess it's the little ones who eat lunch in the morning now since elementary school starts early.

[I.Dup.]

I don't understand really late lunches or late dinners either. I have a bunch of little kids who are up at the crack of dawn and we eat breakfast at 7am (they are starving by then) and we are all ready for lunch at 11am.

[LucyStoner]

I don't understand really late lunches or late dinners either. I have a bunch of little kids who are up at the crack of dawn and we eat breakfast at 7am (they are starving by then) and we are all ready for lunch at 11am.

 

Some kids are nightowls. My older son would sleep to 9am at the earliest if he had his druthers. My younger son is more of a morning person. We eat lunch on the later side now in part because most days my husband doesn't get home until after 6. So family dinner is more like 6:30 or 7pm. We ate lunch earlier when my husband was home closer to or before 5PM.