Why is our culture so AFRAID all the time?

[Lisbeth]

I live in such a dense suburban area that the elementary school is the biggest in the district and only pulls from a 2 mile square. There are no crossing guards on the 4-lane road the school is on, and therefor kids are NOT ALLOWED to walk to school without parents.

 

Not only do parents drive their kids to school in huge quantities, they even drive their kids TO THE BUS STOP! I have lived in 2 neighborhoods in the same elementary school district. first i was in a townhouse neighborhood that had a covered bus stop. One of the moms lived within sight of the bus stop and still drove her kid in her SUV to the bus stop, and the kid waited in the car for the bus. In my current subdivision, in bad weather i was sometimes the ONLY mom who would walk to the bus stop instead of drive, to pick up my kids after school.

 

oh, the bus driver WILL NOT LEAVE kindergarteners unless the parent is there or another adult who is on the pre-approved list. If you want someone else to meet your child at the bus stop, you have to call at least 2 days ahead of time to get that approved. If an approved person is not at the bus stop, the driver takes the kindergartener back to school and the cops are called. this is the safest place i have ever lived and this is NUTS! i lived in a really poor small town . .. nothing like that.

 

 

I am always interested in the chicken and egg theories of these sorts of safe places. Are things there safe (low crime stats) BECAUSE they are so careful? Are crime rates down because parents are so careful these days? Because you always hear: "Why are parents so paranoid? The crime has actually gone down!" but then, it may have gone down because of the paranoia.

 

We would never allow our kids on the bus, either, as an aside to the above comment to so many driving their kids in to school. My friends are full of stories of how awful the bus is for bullying. I wouldn't trust the bus driver to administer our epi pen. Also, the choking diesel smell on the bus was overwhelming whenever I attended a field trip. Day after day of that? Naw.

[SKL]

I'm with you. Yes, there are some neighborhoods where this choice would not be safe. BUT you live there, right? You of all people are qualified to know what your child is capable of in the neighborhood you live in.

 

I try to be as free-range as I can without being ridiculous. My girls are 6 and I let them walk together to the neighborhood park, 1 mile away, earlier this year. They have taken this walk many times with various adults, know the way inside and out, and the neighbors are also used to seeing them, so I felt they were ready. I sent them off with the promise to drive up and meet them after I did some laundry. They did great and were proud enough to tell folks about it afterward.

 

You would have thought I'd taken them and pushed them off the rim of the Grand Canyon. :/

 

I look forward to them getting old enough to where people will stop all this second - guessing. Though, considering they are girls, it may be a while. :/

[Joanne]

To answer the question in the OP:

 

1. Media induced frenzy
   
2. Ignorant of actual statistics
   
3. Over protectiveness is seen as loving/neutural "good" parenting without equal weight put on the risks of over protection
   
4. Illusion that the risks to our children are some "unknown sicko"
   
5. Lack of teaching humans to honor their "ick factor"
   
6. The emphasis on "being nice" and "polite"
   

 

If you were to "believe" the presenation offered by the 24/7 access to news, white, middle class children are upducted by strangers often.

 

Media hype or not, children are abducted by strangers on a regular basis in this fine country of ours. In St. Louis, there was a case a few years ago where a boy was taken while walking alone on a country road. He was eventually found, but the authorities also found another boy at the same place who had been taken several years earlier.

 

I guess you have to decide how dangerous any given area is and decide on how you want to play the odds.

 

 

But "the odds" you are talking about playing are not correct.

 

Over protection of children doesn't make anyone a better parent, isn't benign, and should not be applauded any more than *underparenting*.

[Renthead Mommy]

We lived 2 1/2 blocks from the school when my son did a couple months there for 4th grade. We usually walked unless I was going somewhere after. My gf and I were about teh only walkers. Everyone else drove. I would have been perfectly happy with him walking, but he would have been walking completely by himself! There was never anyone else out there because they were all in cars. There should have been a parade of kids but there weren't. I wasn't comfortable with him being completely by himself. The sad thing was, in talking to other moms I realized some of them felt the same way, but felt so much pressure to NOT let the kids do anything on their own. They were made to feel like bad moms for making the poor kid walk. Or becuase 'it's so unsafe.' It was really sad.

[FaithManor]

Well, our friends think we are nuts. We live in an extremely low crime area. The boys routinely take four mile bike rides and walk around town alone or with each other. They are 16, 14, and 12. Yet, most people think we shouldn't let them out of the yard without a parent or their 22 year old sister!

 

So, I'm really crazy because this spring they are taking a two mile hike into the state land to the nature preserve to take water samples and do some bird watching while the geese, swans, and wood ducks are all nesting. They'll go together, have 12 mile walkie talkies so they can communicate with me while I sit at home working on wedding stuff for dd, backpacks with a couple of mylar emergency blankets, basic first aid kit, sandwiches, granola, dried fruit, and water bottles. I'm not worried. The neighbor would go 4-wheel them out for me if it was necessary. But, I am seriously criticized for this. Apparently, a lot of people in this region back out of boy and girl scouts when the kids get into the upper levels and are encouraged in some independence.

 

I agree with Joanne wholeheartedly and I think especially, the "ignore your ick factor" is key to the paranoia. Instincts exist for a reason.

 

DD hiked alone or with her best friend with the above supplies and we thought it was great. But, we really emphasized to the girls safety and first aid skills plus NOT ignoring your ick, heeby jeeby, "whackaloon alert" feelings.

 

Faith

[FaithManor]

Oh, and Bethany is right about Flint! Saginaw is not really any better either.

 

Faith

[Renthead Mommy]

This was timely. I left my last post, went to Yahoo page and this was the first article I came across.

 

I think it's a little crazy. You should be able to say "Meet us here at this time while I take your much younger sibs to where ever land."

 

 

 

 

Unescorted Kids Younger Than 14 Banned From Disney Parks

By Genevieve Shaw Brown | ABC News Blogs – 2 hours 14 minutes ago

 

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As strange as it might seem for a place so popular with kids, Disney Parks will deny entrance to children younger than 14 who aren't accompanied by someone who's older.

The new policy will take effect Saturday at all U.S. Walt Disney World and Disneyland resorts and parks, WDWMagic.com reported.

The parks have no age requirements now, but chose 14 based on guest surveys and input from child-welfare organizations, Disney spokeswoman Suzi Brown told The Associated Press. She said visitors and the organizations agreed on the new age limit.

"That was the age they felt was appropriate," she said. "That's also the age the Red Cross recommends for babysitting."

Brown also said there was no particular incident that triggered the new policy. "This was a move to bring a consistent age policy across our domestic resorts," she said.

If a child who appears to be younger than 14 tries to enter the park without someone who appears to be older than 14, Disney cast members will engage the guest in conversation. The employee will then verbally try to determine whether the guest is too young. If he or she is, the child's parent or guardian will be contacted to escort the child into the park.

[zoobie]

even at the middle school level a parent is required to stay on the field the entire practice? NUTS! seriously?

 

Our league goes through age 12, so I guess the oldest kids could be middle schoolers. There are two parent coaches for 15ish kids. Bathrooms are across the [large, public] park. Kids always need to go to the bathroom, and coaches can't be alone with a kid who isn't their child. If a kid gets injured... If the kid is a disciplinary issue... The coaches are volunteers, not trained in handling all these things, and the league can't afford keep practices staffed to cover contingencies as a school or camp would. It's not *just* liability, but I'm sure that factors into the rule as well.

[Crimson Wife]

While overall the U.S. crime rates may be down, many areas are actually LESS safe than they were 25 years ago. Back in the '80's when I was growing up, gang violence was pretty much confined to inner city ghettos. Now they have moved into the 'burbs. There have been recent armed home invasions, rapes & attempted rapes, carjackings, drive-by shootings, etc. in my nice suburban town. I couldn't find any statistics prior to 1999, but violent crime has nearly doubled in that time frame. Granted it started out from a really low baseline and my town is still safer than the statewide average, but it's an overgeneralization to say that today's fear of crime is solely due to media hype.

[Mom-ninja.]

Well, if you've accurately assessed the situation, why should you be afraid of what other people might think of your decisions for your child?

 

 

As other posters have said I'm afraid of the "concerned" people reporting me to the authorities and then having to deal with that. I left my *12* year old in the van while I went into the library. He didn't want to go in so I let him stay in the van. I took my younger two with me. When I came out there was a woman standing on the sidewalk a few feet from my van, and when she saw I was the mom she said, "You can't leave kids alone in a car. Don't you know that? Next time I'm calling the cops." He is 12! I didn't leave an infant in the car. He is perfectly capable of locking/unlocking the door, can unbuckle his seat belt all by himself (imagine that), can roll down the windows, and has enough impulse control to not run away. Oh, and it's not like he was going to die from heat. It was in the 40s (F). My goodness in 6 years the kid will be able to drive himself and yet I'm not supposed to leave him alone in the car for a bit? :glare:

 

I also mentioned to my neighbor once that I left my 12 yr old at home alone while I ran to the pharmacy. My neighbor's eyes about popped out of her head as she exclaimed how much she couldn't believe I would do that. So, I'm pretty sure she keeps an eye on my house now at all times when she can. They already think I'm nutter because I home school.

[Dmmetler]

Honestly, I'd be less worried about DD walking to the park near our house as far as DD goes than what might happen if someone saw her there (she's a small 8 yr old who looks about 6)-it's right by an elementary school, so even after school hours, there are often the people working the after school program out on the playground supervising their kids, and I'm afraid "Unsupervised child" would lead to calls and concerns. I had a friend who ended up with the police called because her 6 and 3 yr old were out in their FENCED back yard during the day when she was inside.

 

I will say that I stay on site for DD's dance class, because I've seen the amount of supervision (IE none) that happens between classes and how badly behaved some of the older kids are. I figure that having ONE parent stay on site to supervise the 7-9 yr olds between their two classes and protect them from the older girls who are often completely unsupervised (and can be quite mean to each other from what I've seen) is worth it, and it's no problem for me to take my iPad or something to work on and wait. Truthfully, I'd trust the 7-9 yr olds over the older ones. The 2nd and 3rd graders seem pretty proud about being big enough to wait for the 30 minutes or so between class and do their homework (DD has ASKED for homework for this purpose) like the "big girls" do, but the 6th-8th graders seem to be focused on anything BUT getting homework done or getting ready for their next dance class, and the dance faculty are too busy to do anything but come out and try to round up their kids for the next class when they don't show up on time.

[Catwoman]

I think it is entirely possible to be "that mom" who drives her kids everywhere, yet still raise kids who aren't overly fearful.

 

Why do people seem to think that if a kid isn't roaming all over town at 7 years old (or 8 or 10 or 12,) that they're automatically going to grow up to be paranoid adults who are afraid of their own shadows? :confused:

 

Just because a parent chooses to be very protective of her kids and teaches them to be alert and aware of their surroundings, does not mean that she spends her days filling their heads with horrifying tales of child molesters and serial killers. :glare:

[Amethyst]

I believe people are more concerned now because people are more educated now.

 

Things happen. And they happened to people who are now parents. Nobody talked about these things when I was a nine year old, but believe me...BELIEVE ME...things were happening to little children.

[Julie Smith]

I think it is also because adults do less. So it is fear of the unfamiliar.

 

For example when FaithManor mentioned the state park plan for her kids my first thought was shock. But then I thought about it more.

 

To me state parks are big far away places you go to with a guide on a walking tour in a large group. But then I thought of my parents house. They have a 50 acre wood backing onto over 200 acres of wood with only two houses and one cottage on all that land.

 

As long as it's not new spring time i would have no trouble letting my kids go wandering the woods at a much younger age with less gear and preparation. Once three? years ago I let my Eldest and his older friend go play outside and didn't care if they wandered off since the fresh snow would make them easy to track. It was a warm bright day. Sure enough they were way out of sight of the house and lost when I found them. The friend had the 'bright' idea of following the dog to make sure it didn't get lost. Eldest stuck with his friend. Neither of them thought about following the tracks back to the house. No one was scared. They just wanted to get home, so I lead them home and talked to them about the importance of keeping the house in sight, and other important things.

[Mom-ninja.]

I think it is entirely possible to be "that mom" who drives her kids everywhere, yet still raise kids who aren't overly fearful.

 

Why do people seem to think that if a kid isn't roaming all over town at 7 years old (or 8 or 10 or 12,) that they're automatically going to grow up to be paranoid adults who are afraid of their own shadows? :confused:

 

Just because a parent chooses to be very protective of her kids and teaches them to be alert and aware of their surroundings, does not mean that she spends her days filling their heads with horrifying tales of child molesters and serial killers. :glare:

 

 

 

I don't think that way at all. My beef is with people who think I'm a bad parent for letting my kid(s) do something without me, and even threaten to report me. I teach my kids to be alert and listen to the "ick factor" as well as teaching them what to do in situations. However, I can't let my 12 yr old go into the store to buy some milk while I wait in the car with my sleeping preschooler because that would be negligent.

 

Oh, and once I told my 9 yr old that he could walk across our backyard to go to the neighbor's house directly behind us. Let me repeat that. The neighbor's house is directly behind us just on the other side of my back yard. It is less then 1 min to walk. The mom called me and told me that when it was time for him to go home she said, "I'll drive him home so he gets there safely."

[unsinkable]

 

 

As other posters have said I'm afraid of the "concerned" people reporting me to the authorities and then having to deal with that. I left my *12* year old in the van while I went into the library. He didn't want to go in so I let him stay in the van. I took my younger two with me. When I came out there was a woman standing on the sidewalk a few feet from my van, and when she saw I was the mom she said, "You can't leave kids alone in a car. Don't you know that? Next time I'm calling the cops." He is 12! I didn't leave an infant in the car. He is perfectly capable of locking/unlocking the door, can unbuckle his seat belt all by himself (imagine that), can roll down the windows, and has enough impulse control to not run away. Oh, and it's not like he was going to die from heat. It was in the 40s (F). My goodness in 6 years the kid will be able to drive himself and yet I'm not supposed to leave him alone in the car for a bit? :glare:

 

I also mentioned to my neighbor once that I left my 12 yr old at home alone while I ran to the pharmacy. My neighbor's eyes about popped out of her head as she exclaimed how much she couldn't believe I would do that. So, I'm pretty sure she keeps an eye on my house now at all times when she can. They already think I'm nutter because I home school.

 

 

BUH-ZARRE!

 

 

[SarahW]

 

What would happen in the Middle East to a child molester vs. here? Because here, we let them serve sometimes a short sentence and then send them out again among our children.

 

 

I think in all places a child molester is much more likely to pick an easier target (like a relative) than a random kid on the street.

[unsinkable]

Oh, and Bethany is right about Flint! Saginaw is not really any better either.

 

Faith

 

 

It took me four days to hitchhike from Saginaw...

I've gone to look for America!

[NoseInABook]

I would love to let my kids roam free. However, it's not really doable here. If we lived out in the country, I'd allow my kids to roam wherever but we live in a smaller town. I was allowed to roam in a certain radius from my house when I was a kid and I can list at least 10 things off hand that happened that were extremely inappropriate. It was not uncommon or some strange man to roll up next to my best friend and I and say something inappropriate. Once when it happened, the man had his penis out. Another time, there was a man who pulled up next to the curb when my brother, his best friend, and I were playing with water guns in the front yard as small children and asked if we wanted to see a real gun, then pointed one in my brother's face. We were about 6 and 4 when that happened. We don't live in Flint or Detroit or some other big city and this stuff still happened. Our neighborhood was considered to be a safe, family friendly neighborhood and this stuff still happened. My mom wouldn't know if we hadn't told her, she thought it was safe to let us play in our front yard or in the few yards up and down the street.

[stripe]

Media hype or not, children are abducted by strangers on a regular basis in this fine country of ours. In St. Louis, there was a case a few years ago where a boy was taken while walking alone on a country road. He was eventually found, but the authorities also found another boy at the same place who had been taken several years earlier.

 

I guess you have to decide how dangerous any given area is and decide on how you want to play the odds.

Frankly, far more American women are beaten by their boyfriends/husbands, and a top cause of death for pregnant women is homicide by a partner, and I don't see women avoiding romantic relationships or motherhood.

 

The US is a huge country. Yes, there are some stranger abductions, by vastly more common are parental/family abductions.

 

I think about all of the findings of this report are fascinating.

 

Key Findings

â–  During the study year, there were an estimated 115

stereotypical kidnappings, defined as abductions perpetrated by a stranger or slight acquaintance and

involving a child who was transported 50 or more

miles, detained overnight, held for ransom or with

the intent to keep the child permanently, or killed.

â–  In 40 percent of stereotypical kidnappings, the child

was killed, and in another 4 percent, the child was

not recovered.

â–  There were an estimated 58,200 child victims of nonfamily abduction, defined more broadly to include

all nonfamily perpetrators (friends and acquaintances

as well as strangers) and crimes involving lesser

amounts of forced movement or detention in addition

to the more serious crimes entailed in stereotypical

kidnappings.

â–  Fifty-seven percent of children abducted by a nonfamily perpetrator were missing from caretakers for

at least 1 hour, and police were contacted to help

locate 21 percent of the abducted children.

â–  Teenagers were by far the most frequent victims

of both stereotypical kidnappings and nonfamily

abductions.

â–  Nearly half of all child victims of stereotypical kidnappings and nonfamily abductions were sexually

assaulted by the perpetrator.

 

http://missingkids.c...2_nonfamily.pdf

 

I think part of the reason these crimes seem so shocking is actually because most people's lives are pretty safe. I think if you go to areas that are really crime-ridden, parents are more concerned about the drug dealers bothering their kids or kids being caught in the crossfire, or other times of common crimes, rather than in areas with low crime rates, where imaginations do horrible things to parents' minds.

[Jean in Newcastle]

As other posters have said I'm afraid of the "concerned" people reporting me to the authorities and then having to deal with that. I left my *12* year old in the van while I went into the library. He didn't want to go in so I let him stay in the van. I took my younger two with me. When I came out there was a woman standing on the sidewalk a few feet from my van, and when she saw I was the mom she said, "You can't leave kids alone in a car. Don't you know that? Next time I'm calling the cops." He is 12! I didn't leave an infant in the car. He is perfectly capable of locking/unlocking the door, can unbuckle his seat belt all by himself (imagine that), can roll down the windows, and has enough impulse control to not run away. Oh, and it's not like he was going to die from heat. It was in the 40s (F). My goodness in 6 years the kid will be able to drive himself and yet I'm not supposed to leave him alone in the car for a bit? :glare:

 

I also mentioned to my neighbor once that I left my 12 yr old at home alone while I ran to the pharmacy. My neighbor's eyes about popped out of her head as she exclaimed how much she couldn't believe I would do that. So, I'm pretty sure she keeps an eye on my house now at all times when she can. They already think I'm nutter because I home school.

 

 

I've checked the laws of my state. I am allowed to leave my child under age 16 in a car with the engine running. So I don't. I am allowed to leave my kids in the parked car with no engine running as long as it isn't in front of a tavern. So if someone confronted me, I would not be afraid. I would tell them that there is a much higher risk of them being sited for calling the cops for no reason.

 

Perhaps because I'm an older mom and perhaps because I would look at them as if they have 3 heads if they did, people have not questioned my free range parenting. My kids have done grocery shopping since they were 8 years old. They go to parks and the library alone. My dd has plans to walk or bike home from the Y two miles away this weekend. She's pretty excited about the prospect. I have lots of parents and neighbors compliment me on how independent my kids are in running their own businesses, doing their own chores, doing yard work and doing the grocery shopping. They ask how they can teach their college student to do what my kids have been doing since they are 8.

[Elinor Everywhere]

As other posters have said I'm afraid of the "concerned" people reporting me to the authorities and then having to deal with that. I left my *12* year old in the van while I went into the library. He didn't want to go in so I let him stay in the van. I took my younger two with me. When I came out there was a woman standing on the sidewalk a few feet from my van, and when she saw I was the mom she said, "You can't leave kids alone in a car. Don't you know that? Next time I'm calling the cops." He is 12! I didn't leave an infant in the car. He is perfectly capable of locking/unlocking the door, can unbuckle his seat belt all by himself (imagine that), can roll down the windows, and has enough impulse control to not run away. Oh, and it's not like he was going to die from heat. It was in the 40s (F). My goodness in 6 years the kid will be able to drive himself and yet I'm not supposed to leave him alone in the car for a bit? :glare:

 

I also mentioned to my neighbor once that I left my 12 yr old at home alone while I ran to the pharmacy. My neighbor's eyes about popped out of her head as she exclaimed how much she couldn't believe I would do that. So, I'm pretty sure she keeps an eye on my house now at all times when she can. They already think I'm nutter because I home school.

 

 

This kind of thinking, and citizen-policing, drives me crazy. At 12, my brother had a paper route. At 12, I frequently roamed the woods with just me and my dog. Yes, it was the 70s, but let's not pretend that was an idyllic time of safety. I agree with the OP....people have gone beyond reasonable fears. A 12yo can't be left alone in a car?? My dd was babysitting at 12 - so she can watch children and be responsible for their safety and well-being, but she can't sit in a car alone??

 

In Europe (Paris and London, specifically) I see kids all the time who are riding the metro to/from school by themselves. And in Hong Kong, we allowed my kids (9 at the time) to be quite independent. They regularly made trips to the grocery or tennis club without me or any other adult. I get that Europe and Asia are culturally different, but I wonder....is the US really as unsafe as people fear?

 

I know my neighbors think I'm a liberal nut who allowed her children to walk to the park *alone* (well, they were together)....at the age of 8.....and the park is ONE block away. Seriously. I started leaving them alone at home a few years later. My kids now walk/skateboard to high school in the mornings, and most of the kids around our street are driven there. It's 1 mile, and it never snows and rarely rains. They can't walk 1 mile?

 

FWIW, my neighborhood is pretty safe. Not upper class or gated or anything like that, but a nice, middle-class neighborhood. Still, things could happen. But my dd will be driving in one month, and both kids will be leaving home in 3 years. And they can't walk a mile or stay home alone or sit in a car?

[Joanne]

I believe people are more concerned now because people are more educated now.

 

Things happen. And they happened to people who are now parents. Nobody talked about these things when I was a nine year old, but believe me...BELIEVE ME...things were happening to little children.

 

But if they were *educated on the real facts*, they'd know that Uncle Ken is much more of a risk than random abuduction.

 

The over protectiveness I see does not protect *smartly* but reactively, across the board, and not with the right tools.

 

So, no, I can't give my vote to informed choice.

[SKL]

I believe people are more concerned now because people are more educated now.

 

Things happen. And they happened to people who are now parents. Nobody talked about these things when I was a nine year old, but believe me...BELIEVE ME...things were happening to little children.

 

People knew about things then.

 

And people knew about things long before then.

 

When I was a kid, my dad had an elaborate story called "Dr. Stockingtoe" which went through all the things kids should never do in relation to strangers. Basically never go inside anywhere with them, never follow them, don't let them give you stuff or do you favors, don't let them tell you different from what your parents told you. Be where you're supposed to be when you're supposed to be there. Along with detailed descriptions of the horrors that await children who give into Dr. Stockingtoe's temptations.

 

My dad was chased by someone he thought was a pedophile when he was 4 years old. He threw a huge rock at the guy's head and ran like hades.

 

There were and are risks. However, the risks are still very small and mostly manageable. There's also a risk to never letting a child do anything without parental supervision.

 

And of course, the biggest risks are to kids who are indoors, holed up in a "safe" place with a "non-stranger" who hurts them.

[Dad 4 Boys]

To answer the question in the OP:

1. Media induced frenzy
    
   
2. Ignorant of actual statistics
    
   
3. Over protectiveness is seen as loving/neutural "good" parenting without equal weight put on the risks of over protection
    
   
4. Illusion that the risks to our children are some "unknown sicko"
    
   
5. Lack of teaching humans to honor their "ick factor"
    
   
6. The emphasis on "being nice" and "polite"
   

If you were to "believe" the presenation offered by the 24/7 access to news, white, middle class children are upducted by strangers often.

 

 

 

But "the odds" you are talking about playing are not correct.

 

Over protection of children doesn't make anyone a better parent, isn't benign, and should not be applauded any more than *underparenting*.

 

Please define "over protection" for me.

 

I think any time you do something, or allow your kids to do something, you're playing the odds. I drive to work between 5:30 and 6:30 AM every day. At that time of day, the traffic is usually much lighter than it is an hour later. As such, the odds of me being involved in an auto accident are smaller since there are fewer vehicles on the road to be involved in an accident with. Unfortunately, the odds have caught up with me. I was in a fairly serious accident that occurred a little after 6:00 one morning.

 

Similarly, the odds of a young child being harassed, injured, abducted, etc. have to be smaller when they're not alone versus when they are alone. This applies to the front yard as well as to a mile away on the sidewalk. It's just common sense.

 

We each have to decide the point where our parental supervision curve intersects with the danger curve. I've seen enough news stories on strangers, as well as friends and neighbors, harming children to cause me to be somewhat cautious. I don't feel that I, nor my wife, are overprotective to any extent. We realize that you can't remove every risk to your children or yourselves. However, I do believe there are steps that can be taken to reduce those risks to an acceptable level. Each person has to decide what their acceptable level is, and parents must make that decision with regards to their children.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Each person has to decide what their acceptable level is, and parents must make that decision with regards to their children.

 

Yes. But I do not take kindly to people - neighbors or friends who overstep their boundaries to tell me, unsolicited, what decisions I should make with regards to my own children. That appears to be what happened with the OP.

[Dad 4 Boys]

 

Yes. But I do not take kindly to people - neighbors or friends who overstep their boundaries to tell me, unsolicited, what decisions I should make with regards to my own children. That appears to be what happened with the OP.

People like that should be told to MYOB.

[MomatHWTK]

Did something happen that triggered this?

 

 

 

This immediately came to my mind:

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/03/16/cops-probe-to-show-how-ny-man-cut-ankle-monitor-before-killing-mom-raping-girl/

 

So folks might be a little more aware right now. :(

[Joanne]

Please define "over protection" for me.

 

I think any time you do something, or allow your kids to do something, you're playing the odds.

 

Similarly, the odds of a young child being harassed, injured, abducted, etc. have to be smaller when they're not alone versus when they are alone. This applies to the front yard as well as to a mile away on the sidewalk. It's just common sense.

 

We each have to decide the point where our parental supervision curve intersects with the danger curve. I've seen enough news stories on strangers, as well as friends and neighbors, harming children to cause me to be somewhat cautious. I don't feel that I, nor my wife, are overprotective to any extent. We realize that you can't remove every risk to your children or yourselves. However, I do believe there are steps that can be taken to reduce those risks to an acceptable level. Each person has to decide what their acceptable level is, and parents must make that decision with regards to their children.

 

 

You were the one that mentioned odds, so I used that in my response. To carry the metaphor, you'd need accurate odds to make an informed choice.

 

"Stranger abuduction" happening regularly is not accurate odds.

[Parrothead]

 

There's also a risk to never letting a child do anything without parental supervision.

 

 

 

Such as?

[caroljenn]

People are afraidbecause there are freaks and weirdos everywhere. Pedophiles look for kids that are alone. I am not going to let my dd be the one that gets abducted. It would be my fault if I had allowed her to go somewhere on her own and she was taken. Every parent has the right to make those decisions themselves- if it doesn't bother you, don't worry about it.

 

Now that she's 15 1/2, I let her go a lot of places on her own. But still, we are in Southern California- there are a lot of weirdos here!

 

ETA: It is really not an issue of whether or not your child can get to/from somewhere by themselves in a safe manner. The issue is who happens to be in the area watching your child. The people are out there. They just are. It is naive to think that they are not in your neck of the woods, and it is that type of naivete that can cost your child his/her life.

[Lara in Colo]

This immediately came to my mind:

http://www.foxnews.c...om-raping-girl/

 

So folks might be a little more aware right now. :(

 

 

This just promotes more fear.

Next week it will be something else, then next month.

Pretty soon we will be unable to leave our homes.

 

Already we are low on Vit D (no sun) and our children are overweight (no exercise).

 

I don't have the answers of where it began and where it will end, but I really think it started with a lack of faith in God.

[Joker]

 

 

I don't have the answers of where it began and where it will end, but I really think it started with a lack of faith in God.

 

 

I'm a Christian but the above rubs me the wrong way. I've always had faith, as have my parents, but it didn't stop me from being harmed by a sicko when I was kid. Even those with faith are harmed and killed. My paranoia about my own children's safety has nothing to do with my faith (or according to you, lack of) in God.

[Dad 4 Boys]

This just promotes more fear.

Next week it will be something else, then next month.

Pretty soon we will be unable to leave our homes.

 

Already we are low on Vit D (no sun) and our children are overweight (no exercise).

 

I don't have the answers of where it began and where it will end, but I really think it started with a lack of faith in God.

 

 

Oh, you went and did it now. This should be fun. The captain has put on the fasten your seatbelts sign. We're heading for some turbulence.

[SKL]

Such as?

 

 

Such as their missing opportunities to make their own friends, tackle unexpected problems without adult input (and gain confidence from same), get their own independent bearings; the enhanced awareness a child develops when she's fully responsible for what goes down, more time to enjoy fresh air and exercise while parents are busy doing other stuff, etc.

[Word Nerd]

I had a friend who ended up with the police called because her 6 and 3 yr old were out in their FENCED back yard during the day when she was inside.

 

 

 

This is completely absurd. I'd like to believe that the police would chastise the person who called to report this non-event, but they probably still had to check it out and lecture your friend.

[carriewillard]

Most pedophiles prime their victims and make them pass tests before molesting. I teach my kids how not to be a victim. How to respect their bodily and personal boundaries. Victims tend to be from bad family situations and are molested by more than one person because perverts choose their victims well.

 

Hence the stats on sexual abuse are overblown. Protecting the gift by Gavin Becker is a must read

[unsinkable]

 

 

Oh, you went and did it now. This should be fun. The captain has put on the fasten your seatbelts sign. We're heading for some turbulence.

 

 

LOL!

 

Please return your tray tables ...

[SKL]

 

ETA: It is really not an issue of whether or not your child can get to/from somewhere by themselves in a safe manner. The issue is who happens to be in the area watching your child. The people are out there. They just are. It is naive to think that they are not in your neck of the woods, and it is that type of naivete that can cost your child his/her life.

 

 

You're right, people are out there watching my child. And the vast majority of those people are good people, who would never let anything happen on their watch. And they care all the more about my kid because they know her, she's part of their community. For every one weirdo that would like to try something with my kid, there are many more who would beat that person's brains in if he tried it.

 

And by the way, the horror stories you hear about stranger psychos abducting and hurting kids? Most of the ones that come to mind involved kids "safe" inside their parents' homes, or with a parent in close proximity, when the abduction took place. Think about it. I want the neighbors to be looking at my house and my kids. It makes me feel a lot safer.

[Joanne]

SKL, on 18 March 2013 - 02:22 PM, said:

 

 

There's also a risk to never letting a child do anything without parental supervision.

 

 

 

Such as?

 

 

Children, in order to thrive, should be given progressively more autonomy and independence. They need to build confidence, and competence, and be given the opportunity to make choices, decisions, and mistakes. This should be informed by age, experience, community resources.

 

The risks are huge to not allow this process. You know that, though, Parrothead.

 

That process can exist healthfully on a continuum - there is not a cookie cutter absolute. It can vary widely even in local context. It should include geography, individual readiness (of the child, not the parent), assessment for correct training, local laws, etc.

 

There are extremes on both sides that are not supported by facts or child development research.

[Mergath]

Such as?

 

 

Kids need to develop at least some street sense. There is going to come a day when they'll need it. And lessons on street-crossing etiquette at the dinner table with mom aren't going to cut it.

[Word Nerd]

It is really not an issue of whether or not your child can get to/from somewhere by themselves in a safe manner. The issue is who happens to be in the area watching your child. The people are out there. They just are. It is naive to think that they are not in your neck of the woods, and it is that type of naivete that can cost your child his/her life.

 

 

Riding in a car to school or anywhere else can cost your child his/her life as well—and the risk of that happening is exponentially more than that of being abducted. How is it naive for me to weigh the risks and let my DDs walk to school but not naive for me to weigh the risks and decide to drive them there?

[Parrothead]

 

Such as their missing opportunities to make their own friends, tackle unexpected problems without adult input (and gain confidence from same), get their own independent bearings; the enhanced awareness a child develops when she's fully responsible for what goes down, more time to enjoy fresh air and exercise while parents are busy doing other stuff, etc.

 

 

I'm going to commit a no-no and take this a bit personally.

 

Sorry, I'd rather my kiddo miss the opportunity to "get their own independent bearings; the enhanced awareness a child develops when she's fully responsible for what goes down" than get raped and killed by the junkies down the street that sees her walking to dance class and decides he is h*rny and wants to try her out.

 

As for making friends, well she does that on her own at her many after school classes. And she and her friends do play outside in a safe environment (her friends' houses). Life is full of unexpected problems. They happen to everyone every day no matter ones age.

[mommymilkies]

Media hype or not, children are abducted by strangers on a regular basis in this fine country of ours. In St. Louis, there was a case a few years ago where a boy was taken while walking alone on a country road. He was eventually found, but the authorities also found another boy at the same place who had been taken several years earlier.

 

I guess you have to decide how dangerous any given area is and decide on how you want to play the odds.

 

 

This is completely blown out of proportion to statistics. Yes, horrible things happen. But they're really blown apart by the media. They are RARE.

It's not quite "on a regular basis." Stranger abduction is extremely rare. There are some places it's not safe for children to walk alone because of gang or drug violence, or because the people in that area drive like they're insane (lived in a couple of those), but the odds that your child will be abducted by a stranger is almost zero. One in 347,000, if you actually google it. Whereas the odds that your child will have an accident in his or her first year of driving are one in five, according to a USA Today article. And yet, we don't hear of too many parents that won't let their teen get a license.

 

 

I agree. The statistics are REALLY against stranger kidnappings, etc. They are almost always perpetuated by someone you know. Media frenzy and soooooooo many crime dramas that emphasize these things like they're everyday affairs is a huge problem, IMHO. And not only that, but it really takes the attention away from the REAL risks. It's like running only earthquake drills everyday when you live in tornado alley. It's just not helping anything.

 

PLEASE, EVERYONE, READ "PROTECTING THE GIFT". Written by an FBI professional, it contains the info you need to protect your children. The Gift of Fear is another good one. I have taught my kids from very young HOW to interact with strangers and protect themselves from ANYONE, not just strangers. PLEASE read these books before you freak out about your kid being abducted while walking around the corner!

 

I let my kids roam our block free range, but any farther and they need to tell me where and when and for how long. They have to go with someone (even another sibling) much farther than that. This has more to do with the crazy drivers that fly down our street than my worries about them being assaulted, though. And they know one person to avoid in our neighborhood who is mentally unstable. Luckily you can hear him coming and they keep clear of him.

[SKL]

 

I'm going to commit a no-no and take this a bit personally.

 

Sorry, I'd rather my kiddo miss the opportunity to "get their own independent bearings; the enhanced awareness a child develops when she's fully responsible for what goes down" than get raped and killed by the junkies down the street that sees her walking to dance class and decides he is h*rny and wants to try her out.

 

As for making friends, well she does that on her own at her many after school classes. And she and her friends do play outside in a safe environment (her friends' houses). Life is full of unexpected problems. They happen to everyone every day no matter ones age.

 

 

Why take it personally? YOU asked me to give examples of the risks of not having unsupervised time. So I did. I'm not telling you to drop off your daughter in Hell's Kitchen.

 

Next time I will ignore such requests.

[bettyandbob]

I think parents have to assess their behaviors and figure out if how they are handling their dc is allowing said dc to develop independence and a sense of how to handle personal safety. If you take care of your dc personal safety all the time then your child will not likely learn to discern signals in the environment on his own.

 

The way some people talk it sounds like dc first experiences will be when they've moved out or gone to college. I read Protecting The Gift years ago and I think the advice is still relevant.

[kitten18]

People are afraidbecause there are freaks and weirdos everywhere. Pedophiles look for kids that are alone. I am not going to let my dd be the one that gets abducted. It would be my fault if I had allowed her to go somewhere on her own and she was taken. Every parent has the right to make those decisions themselves- if it doesn't bother you, don't worry about it.

 

Now that she's 15 1/2, I let her go a lot of places on her own. But still, we are in Southern California- there are a lot of weirdos here!

 

ETA: It is really not an issue of whether or not your child can get to/from somewhere by themselves in a safe manner. The issue is who happens to be in the area watching your child. The people are out there. They just are. It is naive to think that they are not in your neck of the woods, and it is that type of naivete that can cost your child his/her life.

 

Not where I live.

Obviously SoCa is a HUGE place with many different kinds of towns and neighborhoods. It's not all a big, scary, place.

[Lara in Colo]

 

I'm a Christian but the above rubs me the wrong way. I've always had faith, as have my parents, but it didn't stop me from being harmed by a sicko when I was kid. Even those with faith are harmed and killed. My paranoia about my own children's safety has nothing to do with my faith (or according to you, lack of) in God.

 

 

 

My meaning is more broad than that, I don't really know if I can properly explain.

I have spent the last 5 minutes trying to explain and I have erased my response.

 

I was trying to find a starting point in our society where we allow bad run rampant and good people hide in their houses.

I think somewhere it starts with a turning from the faith.

 

I didn't mean to imply that you don't have faith that God will protect you and yours if you are careful.

[Joanne]

People are afraidbecause there are freaks and weirdos everywhere. Pedophiles look for kids that are alone. I am not going to let my dd be the one that gets abducted. It would be my fault if I had allowed her to go somewhere on her own and she was taken. Every parent has the right to make those decisions themselves- if it doesn't bother you, don't worry about it.

 

Now that she's 15 1/2, I let her go a lot of places on her own. But still, we are in Southern California- there are a lot of weirdos here!

 

ETA: It is really not an issue of whether or not your child can get to/from somewhere by themselves in a safe manner. The issue is who happens to be in the area watching your child. The people are out there. They just are. It is naive to think that they are not in your neck of the woods, and it is that type of naivete that can cost your child his/her life.

 

 

In many cases, people who have made seemingly more relaxed choices about autonomy are not naive nor do they believe people "aren't out there."

 

Humans need to be educated on what signs, tools, and techniques predators use. Humans need to be educated on how to spot those signs, and humans need to be supported in protecting their intuition and safety.

[lea_lpz]

Kidnapping rates, sexual molestation and assult and violet crimes against children, or the incidence of them being physically injured while unsupervised haven't actually gone up in relation to the relative population. It's more a matter of we are are connected and plugged in through globalization and the technology that we here about so many crimes against youth that people are afraid to let children have the independence of past generations. For me, the benefits of keeping my children safe by not allowing them to do a thing without adult supervision do not outweight the consequences of always having to have an adult present. I feel that it's really unlikely that they will be seriously injured, kidnapped, or sexually assualted, or that if I watch them while they play in their room I can really prevent them from say somehow getting hurt. I am more concerned with the consequences of parents being afraid to let children be children. Obesity is going up among children because parents can't supervise them for hours a day outside or for that matter keep up with them on bike, so they play video games and watch tv, in the living room, which is in ear shot of mom or dad, versus say the bedroom, where heaven forbid they jump on the bed, fall down, and crack their head. They also don't seem to learn basic safety and common sense because mom and dad are always there to look both ways from them, to make sure they don't fall down, etc.

 

I think it's a disservice to our youth.

 

Have a heart attack, but my 3 and 5 year old actually play outside, unsupervised, in front of our home and the lawns of other kids we know, unsupervised by me, with only other kids between 3-10, all afternoon most days. I have my windows open, I check up on them about every 15 minutes, and they are only allowed to be within a well defined perimeter (namely, that should I peak out my front door I can see them clearly), and if they go beyond that area or do not stay together they immediately have to come inside. Guess what? No hosipital trips, no damaging property, no kidnapping, no assualt. My kids just get the recommended amount of time outdoors children need and thrieve on, and mom still gets to fold and put away laundry, straiten up the home, and make dinner, in some heavenly peace :lol:

 

Oh, and to confess other taboo parenting methods-

1) My kids get spanked when they continue to be disobedient after the first warning

2) If my kids don't want to eat what I made for a meal, they don't eat until the next one, which means they might actually go to bed hungry. My kids eat a large variety of fruits and vegetables by the way, as well as whole grains.

3) If they act up at a fun place, we go home immediately, even if that's say the zoo, an amusement park or play date. It seldom happens. In fact, I've never dealt with having to plead with my kids to go home at the park. I say it's time to go home and (gasp) them come.....