Neighbor's kid keeps coming over

[redheadeddaughter]

Interesting thread. I believed that playing with neighborhood kids was a part of the "All-American" lifestyle and strongly desired it for my kids. After all, I homeschool and want/need that interaction for my children more than your average "school" mom who has the social stuff somewhat pre-programmed for them. So I was looking forward to it. I've always told my kids that there are fabulous kids everywhere who school in different ways (public, private, tutors, homeschool) and we should never judge by those labels. I thought it would be good to expose my kids to others who led different lifestyles.

 

Until we relocated and I found myself in the same position as the OP. It was a nightmare. What turned into a once a day occurrence became a constant annoyance. It was nearly impossible to school. We had to have the blinds closed all the time because the kids would peek through the windows if we didn't come to the door. Screaming and banging was the norm (When did this behavior become so prevalent?!) The language that came out of these very young children's mouths was not repeatable. Disgusting jokes. And constant reference to extremely violent video games and pornography. Ages 5 & 7. The parents were just very very permissive. This was an upscale location that was famed for its great public schools. Not at all what I remember when I was a kid. I started to dread the moment they would come back from school (12 noon for the 5 year old) and then had to supervise every second they spent playing on my front patio and then do lots of fence mending with my own children after dinner. It was a nightmare. I remember telling my husband at the time that I could never continue to homeschool in that environment. We have slightly older children as well, so there is quite a bit we need to cover on a daily basis. It was so hostile to the gentle learning I wanted to implement. I planned nature studies and art projects and all sorts of fun things for our afternoons that we could never do because we couldn't go outside without being assaulted by these children. And it was a verbal assault. I cringed every time they spoke. They never listened to anything I said. I can only imagine what kind of home environment they must have had. The influence on my own children was terrible. The "salt and light" argument failed miserably in this case. They are children, and wanted to be like the other children I allowed into their lives. I learned a hard lesson that summer. I will never again be so careless. I would love to embrace needy, neglected children into our home, but the cost to my own children is not a price I am willing to pay. Maybe once they are older and their character more firmly formed I can reconsider this mentality? Maybe a better mama could have taken those neighbor kids and folded them into their own routine and effectively ministered to them within their homes and families? But it backfired big time for me. I should have listened to my own mother. ;)

 

No doubt our experience was extreme. I started out as a free spirit homeschooling mama.... and have become alot more sheltering in my behavior since I began 6 years ago. I'm still saddened by it, but I do not regret the choice. We now screen all the families we interact with on a regular basis. Not based on religion or politics of course, but there is a basic "behavior" standard that I make a mental note of before I commit to regular social events.

 

We moved after 3 months. I'm so very grateful we had that option.

 

The one thing I would not do is call CPS. Unless I know with certainty that abuse is happening I truly believe those children would be much worse off with the CPS system. Even very poor parents are better than no parents at all imo. And there are some wonderful foster parents out there... but many who are not. So that is a phone call I would never make for a case like this. Just me though.

 

I would, however, tell the mother (as kindly as I could) why I was limiting interaction in the hopes that she would become a more involved parent. No doubt she would not stay "a friend." But being a mother has always trumped friendship for me. And my closest friends feel the same way about their children and I respect them for it.

[justamouse]

Call up mom, tell her you have a rash and that the Drs cannot figure out what it is. Please keep the boys away on till the CDC gives you the all clear. That might take a while, it's too pussy for them to get a good scrape of it.

[grantmeawish]

 

 

This used to be called childhood back in the 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s.

 

 

 

We have at least 4 different children knocking our door everyday after school. Yes it's annoying sometimes but honestly I love it. I love that the kids have friends to play with all day until dark. If my kids can't play at the moment I just tell the other kids they will be out later. Sometimes I do become stern with them. I treat them the same as I treat my kids. If my kids are beig a pest I tell them to stop too.

Op I am sorry you have to deal with this. Boundries!

[unsinkable]

Call up mom, tell her you have a rash and that the Drs cannot figure out what it is. Please keep the boys away on till the CDC gives you the all clear. That might take a while, it's too pussy for them to get a good scrape of it.

 

 

'Scuse me?

 

Too what?

 

 

[Guest inoubliable]

'Scuse me?

 

Too what?

 

 

Did you hear my explosive guffaw all the way up there?

[unsinkable]

 

 

Did you hear my explosive guffaw all the way up there?

 

 

Why, yes. Yes, I did.

 

What word does one use to describe an excessive amount of pus?

[Freckles]

'Scuse me?

 

Too what?

 

 

 

haha! I believe she was referring to pus as in an infection. This is one lesson that I always taught my nursing students...

Always use the word purulent when describing the amount of pus from a wound when documenting. It never ends well the other way!!! hahaha

[Guest inoubliable]

Why, yes. Yes, I did.

 

What word does one use to describe an excessive amount of pus?

 

 

Pus filled?

 

Maximum pus limit?

[unsinkable]

 

 

Pus filled?

 

Maximum pus limit?

 

 

So there is no rule..."double the 'S' and add 'Y'?

[Guest inoubliable]

So there is no rule..."double the 'S' and and 'Y'?

 

 

Where is a spelling/grammar Nazi when you need one around here??

[Catwoman]

These last few posts were almost enough to make me glad that someone resurrected this old thread! :D

[unsinkable]

 

 

Where is a spelling/grammar Nazi when you need one around here??

 

 

It can be classified as an adjective for pus. But it is sort of...unfortunate?

 

Like what if you had a cat who had quite a number of purulent sores...you'd have a pussy pussy, right?

[Freckles]

 

Where is a spelling/grammar Nazi when you need one around here??

 

 

I'm thinking it's like the word "bow" spelled the same, but pronounced two different ways. I stated it in another post, but the correct medical term would be purulent.

[Freckles]

unskinkable, you type too fast. :001_smile:

[unsinkable]

unskinkable, you type too fast. :001_smile:

 

 

I'm on a roll. I need to go with it.

[Guest inoubliable]

It can be classified as an adjective for pus. But it is sort of...unfortunate?

 

Like what if you had a cat who had quite a number of purulent sores...you'd have a pussy pussy, right?

 

 

Oh, aye. Unfortunate.

 

I suppose you would at that. Poor pitiful pussy pussy.

Wait. Where are the cat's sores?

[unsinkable]

 

 

I'm thinking it's like the word "bow" spelled the same, but pronounced two different ways. I stated it in another post, but the correct medical term would be purulent.

 

 

So when the ribbon maker gets a standing ovation, she takes a bow bow.

[unsinkable]

 

 

Oh, aye. Unfortunate.

 

I suppose you would at that. Poor pitiful pussy pussy.

Wait. Where are the cat's sores?

 

 

I would think it depends on the nature of the disease.

 

What you did there. I gets it.

[Guest inoubliable]

So when the ribbon maker gets a standing ovation, she takes a bow bow.

 

 

I see what you did there.

[Jennifer]

Why, yes. Yes, I did.

 

What word does one use to describe an excessive amount of pus?

 

 

PURULENT!!

[SKL]

LOL. If you have a lot of gas, you're gassy, right? Or is that wrong as well? How do you all pronounce hussy?

[Hockey Mom]

'Scuse me?

 

Too what?

 

 

Omg....tears....Dh thinks I've lost my mind. :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Joanne]

 

Pus filled?

 

Maximum pus limit?

 

 

Uber pus?

 

Pus oozing?

 

Pus on steroids?

[QueenCat]

You all have lost your minds :lol:

[PrairieSong]

You all have lost your minds :lol:

 

 

Yes. I remember this thread and was thinking the OP had come back to give an update on what happened with the neighbor boy who was constantly coming over, but now I see that you guys are just talking about...kitties...or something.

[*Lulu*]

 

 

Yes. I remember this thread and was thinking the OP had come back to give an update on what happened with the neighbor boy who was constantly coming over, but now I see hat you guys are just talking about...kitties...or something.

 

 

I know. After reading this I will never be able to look a cat in the eye again.

[KungFuPanda]

When you post in the evening, try to remember that someone might read it first thing in the morning.

 

Y'all are nasty.

[*Lulu*]

When you post in the evening, try to remember that someone might read it first thing in the morning.

 

Y'all are nasty.

 

 

It is the board equivilant of the morning walk of shame.

 

Don't judge.

[Tina]

Honestly...I would get this in check asap. State the times to the mom that are good for you. She will adjust or move on. Also, that little man needs some rules which since he's in your home you should have no trouble putting into place. He either follows them, or there are consequences.

 

 

Once a new neighborhood boy came in the yard and played with my boys. They were having a great time for a while. Then I heard him swear at one of my boys, so I called him on it, and had him do a time out. He left after that and never came to play again, tho he did come back to apologize.

[unsinkable]

When you post in the evening, try to remember that someone might read it first thing in the morning.

 

Y'all are nasty.

 

 

Do you know what the buck does to does?

 

Now that's nasty!

 

J/K it's not nasty...it's natural.

[KungFuPanda]

 

 

It is the board equivilant of the morning walk of shame.

 

Don't judge.

 

 

Oh, I JUDGE. I'm judging you soooo hard right now!

[*Lulu*]

 

 

Oh, I JUDGE. I'm judging you soooo hard right now!

 

 

Hey Miss Judgey-pants, at least I managed to get my gator drawers on front ways and put on a shirt that covers both shoulders.

 

Those deer on the other hand..........

[LaughingCat]

I see that you guys are just talking about...kitties...or something.

 

I'm so confused... they're talking about tiny kites?

:leaving:

[unsinkable]

 

 

Hey Miss Judgey-pants, at least I managed to get my gator drawers on front ways and put on a shirt that covers both shoulders.

 

Those deer on the other hand..........

 

 

I was talking about rabbits...

[*Lulu*]

 

 

I was talking about rabbits...

 

 

*face plam*

 

So now I have to avoid eye contact with the bunnies too?!?!

 

Good night woman, will there any animal left I can look at without blushing!

[Guest inoubliable]

*face plam*

 

So now I have to avoid eye contact with the bunnies too?!?!

 

Good night woman, will there any animal left I can look at without blushing!

 

 

Komodo dragons.

In zoos, I mean.

 

You're welcome.

[Jean in Newcastle]

*face plam*

 

So now I have to avoid eye contact with the bunnies too?!?!

 

Good night woman, will there any animal left I can look at without blushing!

 

 

Don't forget the birds and the bees. I've heard that they are quite inappropriate for family viewing as well.

[*Lulu*]

Officially.Scarred.For.Life.

 

 

[Amy in NH]

I was talking about rabbits...

 

 

Huh. I thought you were talking about goats.

[Mom2OandE]

Hang a sign on your doorknob. Smiley face means he can come play, frowny face means come back another time.

 

 

I printed a stop and go sign from Pinterest last year for this purpose. It worked fairly well.

[justamouse]

haha! I believe she was referring to pus as in an infection. This is one lesson that I always taught my nursing students...

Always use the word purulent when describing the amount of pus from a wound when documenting. It never ends well the other way!!! hahaha

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[LifeLovePassion]

I was checking in to see what the OP had come up with and how it's going. I am not looking forward to summer this year as we got new neighbors last summer. Dd1 gets so wound up from the extra stimulation, so I want to have a routine/times we are available, and excuses for the rest of the time.

 

ya'll are nutty, BTW.

[EmseB]

Zombie thread!

[MegP]

Oh man! I was all interested in how the OP handled the situation-then after 4 pages, read that it's a zombie thread!

[mamiof5]

What is the problem with neighbor kids? Here is my take:

 

When I say no, the kids can't play. They argue and want to know why.

When my kids say no, they can't play. They argue. They tell my kids go ask your mom again. My kids say no, my mom said no and come inside.

One day, the kids said they were going to stay in our backyard until they came out. My kids came in. (He left. It wasn't a warm day.)

One day, he told my kids well, who am I going to be able to play with? They shrugged their shoulders and came in.

 

I have said no, they can't play kickball in the front yard backyard only. They know this is one of my rules. They know why I don't like it, the ball goes in the street. (The cars go down the road at maddeningly fast speeds. In fact, a car has swerved off the road twice and gone through our front yard both times). They don't care. They still ask. I still say no. every.time. and they still argue. They know the house rules. I have told them. They have repeated them back even. You don't follow than you are asked to leave. They know that just because they are told to leave one day, doesn't mean they aren't invited to back ever. I am careful that if they were univited because of behavior that the next time they come over, I tell them it is o.k. to play.

 

They come over my house and ruin my kids backyard things. They ruin my stonewalk way (literally picking up big stone slabs and moving them.)Yes, I have confronted and told them not to do that. They look and me and smile and say o.k. The next time it is off to destroy something else. They have littered in our yard. I have seen it and told them to pick it up. They look at me and say they didn't do it. I tell them I saw them. They smile and pick it up.

 

They argue with my husband. My husband told the kids they needed to go home because of behavior and the child had the audacity to tell him, he could be at our house because his mom told him he could be there. After much, can I just reiterate much, arguing, he left.

 

Here's the bottom line for me, I don't have the emotional energy to deal with children who are going to come over my house and argue with me about what I am saying. That is why I tell them no and only have them over about once a week. I set firm boundaries but I can understand wanting to hide in in the house. I only have so much emotional energy and after dealing with arguements in my family, I really don't feel like or want to deal with arguments with children. Yes, I have talked to the parents. Yes, the kids are going to argue. However, when my kids tell them my mom said we can't do that or they are being rude and calling my kids names and my kids are telling them it is unacceptable, why than should I invest my emotional energy having them here every. day. Yes, I have been told it could be my mission.

 

Is it really being unreasonable to say, I don't want the neighbor kids here every day? Especially since I just want to have some downtime after I am done schooling them and before my dh gets home, which inevitably is the time the neighbors are coming over?

 

I think if someone is comfortable handling conflict, these types of things probably just roll off their back. I hate conflict. I can set good boundaries, but it is hard. Especially since growing up, I wasn't allowed to have healthy boundaries. What I thought, felt- didn't count. It was discredited. Most of the time, I was told what I thought was wrong or it wasn't loving toward the other person or I was selfish and just thinking about myself. I have worked hard on boundaries. So, the way I deal with this is to limit the play. Maybe it is wimpy. But I can own my wimpyness in light of the fact that I know my wimpy now is less wimpy than my wimpy before http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/public/style_emoticons/#EMO_DIR#/tongue_smilie.gif

I wouldn't even have them over once a week. That's a friendship I don't want for my kids. I parent my own kids, not other people's. I wouldn't want to expose my kids to that type of attitude and behavior. For MANY reasons, I'd have put an end to that asap.

[mamiof5]

Fell for it too! I wonder what ended happening

[ktgrok]

Girl, you have to put on your big girl panties, answer the door, and say "Orkie cannot come out now. Please go home. And don't bang on my door again."

 

I understand your being terribly annoyed that he comes over that early. Sheesh. What is his mother thinking?? However, I do NOT understand why you don't open the door and tell him to go home. Do it. You don't have to tell him why, or tell him when to come back, or talk to his mother, or anything. Just tell him no.

 

Yup, this. 

"Sorry, son can't play right now. Come back after lunch. Bye."

[MegP]

I don't think the OP still has this problem. It was something she posted three years ago. 

[mamiof5]

I don't think the OP still has this problem. It was something she posted three years ago.

We can only hope she doesn't :)

[TammyS]

 He pounds and screams and kicks at our door if we don't let him in.

 

Woah!  That would be the end of it for me.  I can't stand destructive kids.  Just tell his mom he can't come over anymore.  Don't bother giving a reason.  There is no reason on this planet that is going to make her ok with your rejection of her kid, so don't bother.  Just let her know that you're not going to be having her kids over anymore and that you'll let her know when that changes (never).

 

ETA: I didn't realize this was an old thread. nm

Edited May 9, 2016 by TammyS