s/o - Do your kids ask for or want a lot of things?

[Sun]

Another thread about how to minimize frugality's impact on the family led me to wonder how often you all hear requests or whines about things that your kids want. How do you handle it?

 

I'm also curious if you think that how acquisitive kids are is related to their upbringing or if it's more innate. As the parent of a child who's pretty much never asked for anything, I'm leaning toward innate. I don't know that we've done anything in particular that's led him to not want lots of things. I also know families where one child is very comfortable with whatever he has and another is obsessed with getting new things.

 

So, what says the hive?

 

Please vote for how often they ask for things that you wouldn't necessarily provide daily. In other words, vote about how often they ask for special things like toys, trips to special places, special treat foods, restaurant meals and so on, but do not include how often they ask for normal food or beverages around the house.

[4kidlets4me]

Once we cut cable the requests for items was greatly reduced. My kids will ask when we are in a store if they can get pokemon cards or a small toy. 9 times out of 10 I say no and they are fine with it. My youngest tends to ask more than once or he'll ask for more than one item, so if I say no to a toy he asks for a snack. I think he doesn't actually want a specific thing he just wants to get *something*.

[Guest inoubliable]

My kids almost never ask for anything. If they do, it's rarely more than once. Three boys here. When they do ask for things, it's usually for a field trip sort of thing. Not in a whiny way, though. Our biggest problem with asking for things is when DS8 asks for cream of mushroom soup for dinner and DS12 chimes in on top of him for bean burgers instead and then it's all-out war until DH tells them to knock it off - we're having tacos. :laugh:

 

I think that part of the reason why my kids don't ask for much is because they don't know what there IS to ask for. They don't watch TV much and we don't usually go to places like Walmart or Toys R Us or Target - so they don't wander down aisles with toys.

[tearose]

From the beginning, I've never bought new toys or books for my kids, so I don't even think that it's on their radar. I've always said "Item X belongs to the store, sweetie, so we can't bring it home." We don't have TV, so we don't know 90% of hte commercial characters out there or what shiny new gizmo is the current hot thing. As a result, what we get at the library each week is super exciting!

We occasionally go out to eat maybe once a month. Sometimes DS will tell me he'd like to go to Restaurant A, but he's fine with me saying "restaurants are a "sometimes" thing, and today I already made xyz for dinner."

My kids do ask for "new" toys because they get their toys on a rotating basis. Christmas and birthdays are pretty much the only time they get toys that are actually new. I do tell my kids that many children have a lot less than we do, so we should be grateful for all that we have.

[Dory]

by the time my kids had reached school age they had learned not to nag for something. If they ask me they are only allowed to ask again if it's been awhile and I seem to have forgotten. If I ask them to wait and they ask me 2 minutes later they get an automatic no. Whether it's a cookie, or a game, or anything. I will actually go out of my way to make sure they don't get it that day then. Overall though, my kids have learned to be pretty content with what they have in life. I think that in part is because that's the way that we live. They have watch my dh and I work with what we have and think outside the box to create new things with what is already on hand rather than buy new. My dd has a few thousand dollars saved up by now because she does that too rather than spend money on something that she doesn't really need.

My youngest ds is the most demanding, but even he has learned that it is better for him to save up and and buy or work for something himself than to nag me for it. When we go shopping he will always ask once if he can have a new car. Sometimes I'll say yes, sometimes no if the budget is tight, but he has never nagged me after he gets an answer.

I like that my kids have a sense of independence when it comes to getting what they feel they want/need in life.

Also, I always ask their opinions if I possibly can. Whether it's over what we are having for supper, or who we should invite over for supper that week. I know if they feel they are a part of a family decision making on a small scale, it will help them feel less like they need to demand things. It's also helped them learn to discuss things and come up plans where they can agree with each other.

[kitten18]

 

I'm also curious if you think that how acquisitive kids are is related to their upbringing or if it's more innate. As the parent of a child who's pretty much never asked for anything, I'm leaning toward innate. I don't know that we've done anything in particular that's led him to not want lots of things. I also know families where one child is very comfortable with whatever he has and another is obsessed with getting new things.

 

 

 

I think it's innate. My DD almost NEVER asks for things, she even has a fairly hard time coming up with a list for Christmas or her birthday.

DS on the other hand wants everything he sees.

They were born this way.

[saraha]

We don't have regular tv or cable, just netflix, so there are no commercials. We also don't get kids magazines with ads. I see a direct correlation between when my 5 year old has been at g-mas watching tv and in asking for things. Because they don't see commercials and we don't window shop as a hobby, they don't really know what stuff is out there to want. I guess the only exception is when we shop for b-day presents for cousins. Then they might see something they want too, which gets filed away for Christmas or bday ideas. I have 6 kids ranging in ages from 13 to 2.

[Karen in CO]

We don't have a tv either. We just have netflix and Amazon prime. The kids are limited in what they can view. I also give an allowance. My older dd is by nature a penny-pincher. She saves most of her allowance. My younger spends money like it is water, but it is her money. When the kids ask for something while we're out, I ask if they have their money. When my kids determine that they really want something they can't currently afford, they save for it. If they want or need something like shoes or clothes that I typically purchase for them, we check to see when there will be "room in the budget" for that. We're currently saving for a trip this summer. The kids know that there is more saving going on than usual and what we are saving for. I have no problem telling them that we can't do something because we don't have the money for it. Most everyone has to learn that money is a finite resource, and I consider it part of my job as a parent to help my kids to understand this.

[Arcadia]

Its partially innate and partially conditioned. They request for stuff but they don't whine for stuff. Whining puts mummy in a bad mood which means no chance of getting what they want. When my kids want something, they are usually lock on to that item and won't change their mind. They could save for the item or they can put it on their birthday wish list. They want to go to Disneyworld and the Legoland Florida. They can remind us (the parents) of their wishes but they know any nagging/demanding/whining would not make us fulfil their wish faster.

[SKL]

I have two six-year-old girls. One of them will periodically tell me a long list of what she would like to have. Last week, she told me about 10 things she wants for her 7th birthday, which is in January 2014! LOL. She does not nag. She seems to think she's being quite helpful. ;)

 

My other kid doesn't ask for stuff. I don't think I've ever seen her do it.

 

Last month we were in the Disney store, and aunties asked what the girls would like for a joint birthday celebration. My "acquisitive" girl had no problem saying "I want this, I want this, and this, and this." My other daughter only wanted a couple of small things (think lip gloss). When asked specifically if she'd like to have some toy or pretty clothing, she'd say "no, I don't want that." Weird kid.

 

Since they were 2yo, they have learned that randomly requesting something in a store will be met with "that is $X. You will need to pick up X buckets of leaves if you want to earn enough to buy that. Let me know when you'd like to start." There is no whining or demanding of "things" around here.

 

Today was show-and-tell day. My "acquisitive" kid had no problem thinking of a toy to take. My other kid looked around for a while and finally said, "we have so many toys, I can't even think to figure out which one to show and tell." She ended up taking a book. LOL.

[Corraleno]

DS14 never asks for anything; he doesn't even give me wish lists for Christmas or birthdays. Sometimes he asks for books or Teaching Company courses, but those come out of the school budget. He got a $50 Amazon card for Christmas from his grandparents, and spent it on Turkish textbooks, lol.

 

DD10 makes wish lists for Christmas and birthdays, but the rest of the time she buys what she wants with her own money. She gets $25-30/wk, because she voluntarily took on most of the feeding/watering/grooming/barn chores for 6 horses, which involves getting up at 6:00 AM. Mostly she spends her money on clothes, music, and things for her room.

 

Jackie

[2squared]

My kids don't ask for much, but I do have one kid who covets. We work hard on training that part of her nature, but it is how she was born. She doesn't covet in a negative way (whining, begging, demanding, etc). She just likes things. A lot of things. Too many things.

 

Some times I think her desire for more is a good thing. If she can channel those desires appropriately, they can push her to achieve more and do bigger and better. She's not intellectually curious, and I use her desire for things as a route to discuss different employment opportunities and income possibilities. I hope it works enough to push her to do her best academically.

[Catwoman]

My ds wants things, but he's not a whiner about it. He can usually get whatever he wants, anyway, because either we buy stuff for him or he uses his own money. I think that, because he knows he usually gets what he wants, he's more discerning about what he asks for. He rarely asks for something that he doesn't use and enjoy, so I never really feel like I've wasted my money.

 

He definitely doesn't whine about things like eating out, because we eat out a lot, so it's not considered any kind of special treat. The same thing goes with snack foods (or whatever) in the supermarket; if he wants something, I'll generally buy it, but he doesn't want everything on the shelf, so it's not a big deal.

[magnificent_baby]

From time to time, they will ask for certain toys/electronics. It's not very frequent because I have specifically raised them with the attitude that they do not get toys on a whim. Only for holidays/bdays. DH on the other hand breaks that rule on occasion and buys them things when they are running errands for no reason. It irritates me, but that is how he grew up, so I try to limit my nagging.

[Mélie]

My kids have a pretty good sense of what my answer will be. They don't ask more than once or whine about it.

[2squared]

My ds wants things, but he's not a whiner about it. He can usually get whatever he wants, anyway, because either we buy stuff for him or he uses his own money. I think that, because he knows he usually gets what he wants, he's more discerning about what he asks for. He rarely asks for something that he doesn't use and enjoy, so I never really feel like I've wasted my money.

 

He definitely doesn't whine about things like eating out, because we eat out a lot, so it's not considered any kind of special treat. The same thing goes with snack foods (or whatever) in the supermarket; if he wants something, I'll generally buy it, but he doesn't want everything on the shelf, so it's not a big deal.

 

This is what makes me sad for my kids sometimes. They don't ask for treats at the grocery store b/c they know the answer. They don't ask for many things b/c they know the answer. When they do get things, they are extremely thankful. I wish we could give them more. I wish we didn't have to train their wants out of them.

[Onceuponatime]

Dd, my first child, is the only one that ever whined annoyingly for things. That was also when we used to have cable and the Disney channel, we only have antenna tv now. But her demands were usually around Christmas or her birthday. Whenever we went to the store, I made sure to make it clear that it was for a specific mission, not to acquire possessions for her. Also, early on, I established a dollar limit for birthday presents for all my kids. We rarely buy toys or gifts "just because." They are a special treat for a special reason.

 

I am not above using them as bribes, ahem...rewards, though. One of my sons potty trained because of the promise of a box of dinosaurs he had been coveting. My daughter is now very careful with her money. My boys usually have a hard time thinking of things they want for birthdays and Christmas.

[Karen in CO]

 

This is what makes me sad for my kids sometimes. They don't ask for treats at the grocery store b/c they know the answer. They don't ask for many things b/c they know the answer. When they do get things, they are extremely thankful. I wish we could give them more. I wish we didn't have to train their wants out of them.

 

 

But, dear, what kind of person really gets everything they want as an adult? Isn't there always something else to want that you can't have if you value getting and having?

 

I didn't realize until just this year that I grew up poor - very poor. When I was kid, I thought it was cool that we got "government cheese." I wore either homemade clothes or hand-me-downs for most of my life. We spent summers picking, preparing and canning vegetables for winter. Our freezer was full of beef from a cow that was raised by somebody we knew. We never-ever went out to eat. I went on vacation once in my childhood. Yep. Once. I never-knew. I'm pretty clever too, but I never really thought about it. We were happy. My parents emphasized books and education and fresh air and and "getting out of this town when you grow up." Hmm. It makes a lot of sense now. But I never thought about it.

[xixstar]

I don't buy things for the kids and birthdays and Xmas usually means just 1 or 2 gifts and that is really the only time they get something. So my kids don't ask for stuff and even my 17yo still doesn't either even when it is sometimes something I would have said yes if she had asked.

 

Occasionally at a check out or the store they will point at something and say they wish it could come home but they don't press when I say no. We don't have tv channels either so they don't get that gimmie gimmie thing going on.

[SKL]

I didn't realize until just this year that I grew up poor - very poor. When I was kid, I thought it was cool that we got "government cheese." I wore either homemade clothes or hand-me-downs for most of my life. We spent summers picking, preparing and canning vegetables for winter. Our freezer was full of beef from a cow that was raised by somebody we knew. We never-ever went out to eat. I went on vacation once in my childhood. Yep. Once. I never-knew. I'm pretty clever too, but I never really thought about it. We were happy. My parents emphasized books and education and fresh air and and "getting out of this town when you grow up." Hmm. It makes a lot of sense now. But I never thought about it.

 

 

Same here. Not to say I never saw things I wished to have, but we were a far cry from feeling destitute.

 

I look forward to a trip to India with my kids, so they can see what it really means to have hardly anything.

 

I was also thinking a trip to a replica log cabin of, say, Abraham Lincoln would be instructive. How much "stuff" could you possibly have if you had to share that much space with that many people? Kids need some perspective.

[Mommy22alyns]

Whoops, I over-voted because I counted asking for snacks around the house. It should be "almost never." Right now they're asking for Club Penguin memberships (do I lose my homeschooling card?) and they do that maybe a couple of times per week. There's no way they can NOT know that our money is painfully tight right now. When they get special treats or toys, they're a pleasant surprise. They do get plenty of stuff for Christmas and a few things for their birthdays. We also do the Halloween Fairy, but toys and gifts don't really happen at other times. And they don't whine - they learned really quickly that that gets them nothing.

 

They've generally been very good about this, and I give a lot of credit to our DVR and early training to fast forward through the commercials. It's paid for itself many times over by now! ;)

[elegantlion]

My ds rarely asks us for things. He has a big wish list, he'll give it out at holidays if asked. He wants a lot of things, but he knows he will have to buy them himself. He does, he saves, barters, and does odd jobs, and gets allowance.

 

He's been using his own money since he was 7 or 8 for most things. Birthdays we try to buy from his list. We've tried to empower him with his money.

 

Food and clothes he doesn't buy, unless it's a treat that we won't buy. Clothes he would never buy on his own, so in the interests of personal appearance we buy that.

 

He's learned to prioritize his wants and know he can't bug us about them.

[a27mom]

My kids are pretty good about this. They will ask for things (not everyday necessarily), but I am ok with that, because I like to know there interests and preferences. They also take no or maybe another time for an answer without any problem.

 

They certainly will ask more if we are at the store, or looking at the new lego sets online ;)

 

My 3 y/o will ask for things more repeatedly, but like 5 to 10 times in the course of a month, never on the same day. I think this is partly because she forgets and partly because she thinks I might change my mind.

 

It is tricky because in our case we could get many of these things but we choose not too. They do realize this to some degree as well, so it is a sacrifice in a way.

 

My oldest. More frugal and doesn't like having too much stuff. My youngest is bolder, but still very content.

 

We also talk a lot about how much we have compared to others.

[SKL]

To the question about whether upbringing has anything to do with it? Maybe, partly. In my case, I am a "less is more" person and my life does not revolve around "things." I hardly ever buy something for myself, and stuff I buy my kids is generally of the practical variety. Shopping doesn't excite me and I do very little of it with my kids, other than for groceries or basic clothing items (think Old Navy for socks/shorts/leggings). When we do go shopping, normally we are in and out; no browsing. We don't watch commercial TV and I don't get catalogs and stuff. I don't talk about wanting stuff. It just isn't how I live my life. If I decide it makes sense to buy something, I buy it, usually online without the kids present. Thus the things they receive are generally received without their ever asking. So this might be why we don't have a lot of "gimmes" here. However, I don't believe it would take much for one of my daughters to pick up that habit were it encouraged, LOL.

[SKL]

My kids have occasionally pointed out that so-and-so has something more / bigger / better than we have. To which I reply that so-and-so's parents must have different priorities than I have. I choose to spend more of my money on ___ because I think it's more valuable than ___. I never say "we can't afford it" but always stress that it's a conscious choice for some logical reason.

[T'smom]

I only have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. They don't really know what is out there to ask for. The 5 year old does sometimes ask to go to McDs or a local taco place, but he doesn't really whine about it. But if we are in a store and he sees something he wants, he does beg/plead/whine etc. I don't know why because it has never gotten h I'm what he wants. But he forgets by the next day. I don't know how he'll be when he's older and knows more about what's out there to want.

[IsabelC]

My kids don't ask for that many things or whine a huge lot. Generally they have a good idea of what we will and won't agree to, and don't often bother to nag for something that they know we won't allow. I'd say the biggest whiner is my youngest aged 4. She asks for chocolate and if I say no, she writes me a letter asking for chocolate in the hope that I will be hypnotized by her penmanship.

 

SKL, we do the same thing with explaining how we choose to allocate money rather than just saying we can't afford things.

[saraha]

I sometimes struggle with the "I wish we could give them more" thing too. But I also look back to when I was a kid and the kinds of memories that stuck with me. Getting a Hershey bar and breaking up the squares to divide three ways, then breaking up my share squares into little tiny bits to make the candy last longer. The OCCASIONAL trip to an ice cream parlor. A pair of jeans I begged for and wore until they were way too short and I couldn't button them anymore even though I had other clothes to wear, because they were my favorite. I try to think about what my kids are going to remember. THe summer we washed clothes out back in plastic tubs and wrung on an old fashioned wringer before hanging to dry because we coulnd't afford a washer or the laundry mat. Shucking a mountain of corn on the back porch to freeze, same with green beans. The american girl knock off that my daughter carried around for 3 years and still sleeps with. THey are not going to remember the all too often trips to McDonalds (although the first trip to an all you can eat buffet will be forever burnt into my memory) they don't remember many of the things their grandparents give them for Christmas without looking because it wasn't really something they wanted. Books we've read aloud together, but not what movies we currently own. These thoughts make me feel better, that and being secure in the knowledge that they will not be an adult who has an unrealistic relationship with money or things. They understand about delayed gratification and how work=money=stuff I want

[regentrude]

Hardly ever.

My kids have received an allowance, starting with 25ct per week in K, and gradually increasing, that they may spend as they see fit. Which eliminated any whining, since a request fro candy or toy did not have to be denied - I would simply say"sure, absolutely! You may buy it with your own money". After a few impulse buys that were quickly regretted, they pretty quickly learned to save and spend judiciously.

When we traveled, they would get one souvenir purchased by us; if they wanted ore, they had to buy it themselves.

Whining for things has never been a problem.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I think how children are depends on a number of factors.

First, there is the child's personality.

However, HOW things are done in the family makes a difference.

 

Honestly, when we got the kids, we SPOILED THEM ROTTEN. We tried to make up for six years in six months.

We had kids asking for things, badgering us, pouting when they didn't get their way. It was miserable.

We had rules about requests; but they had so MANY requests and were so out of control, we were drowning in them.

Finally, we hard-lined it. In short order they were reformed.

And pleasant.

And didn't feel the NEEDED everything under the sun.

THEY felt better not behaving like that.

 

Anyway, when I saw the other thread (didn't read it), I thought it odd.

It is just beyond my experience that people would feel deprived having their needs mostly met.

Even if you have to ration food and wear three or four layers so as not to put the heat higher,

you can be quite satisfied.

Really, it is all choice and perspective; and children can be trained to think differently.

 

Now? We have what we need. I try to give my kids extras. But in the end, I expect

them to be grateful for what they have and respectful about their wishes. I also

expect them to figure out how to get what they want (earn money, save allowance, think

hard whether the item is worth it, etc). Those things have to be taught.

 

But I think kids are HAPPIER if they learn those things. My first kids were pretty

happy in fairly tough circumstances at times. My new kids have learned to be happy

within a reasonable level of "getting."

[Parrothead]

I handle whining badly so dd doesn't do it. Now on the rare occasion she hears her friends whine it makes her nuts.

 

There really is nothing to want. We don't have TV running with commercials advertising the latest and greatest. I'm having a hard time imagining when a child would ask for things multiple times a day.

[justamouse]

Well, if they whine they most certainly WON'T get it.

 

My kids have a lot--just because there's so many of them, so they're actually very frugal and good managers of their $.

[Catwoman]

 

But, dear, what kind of person really gets everything they want as an adult? Isn't there always something else to want that you can't have if you value getting and having?

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting things. I think there's something wrong with obsessing about the things you want, but that's not the same as aspiring toward a bigger house or a nicer car, or whatever.

 

Being able to afford whatever you want doesn't necessarily mean that you don't value the things you have, nor does it mean that you necessarily spend money willy-nilly on everything you see. You can still be discerning about the things you purchase, and you can still teach your kids that wasting money (on things they won't use) is a bad idea. Even a kid who "has everything" can learn to be a good manager of his money.

[Alice]

I voted “almost never†but I’d say the reality is that it varies some. When the Lego catalog comes in the mail they go through it and circle everything they want and will talk about what they want a lot for a few days. But it’s more just discussing the new cool stuff than whining. If we go somewhere like Target they might ask for stuff, but they are pretty good about stopping when I say no. The three year old asks for everything in the store but she’s not super whiny about it. She’s actually pretty cute. Once we were there and walking by the bra section and she started saying “OOOH! Those are pretty! Can I have pink one? How about a polka dot one Mommy? Please Mommy, they are so pretty!†Everyone around us was cracking up. But she’ll listen and stop asking when I say no, most of the time.

 

We don’t do TV (we watch videos and things but it’s mostly commercial free) so I think that does make a difference.

 

I agree that it’s normal for kids to ask for things. I don’t have a problem with that. My normal response is something like “That is really cool. I’ll put it on the list for your birthday.†I have a problem if they won’t stop obsessing about an item.

 

Another thing I think has helped is that both boys have an allowance and they know that they are allowed to purchase things on their own if they want. This means I can usually answer “Hmm, do you have enough money for that?†if they ask for something. It also means that they typically don’t want to use their money. They have both made purchases that are disappointing in the past and I think that has helped them to see that sometimes the things that look cool in the store aren’t always all that great. It also makes them appreciate the cost of an item a little more. I’ve seen my oldest even more realize how overpriced some things are. In the Lego catalog he’ll see how much they charge for small sets and scoff that it’s “totally not worth it†where my younger son just sees “NEW LEGOS!â€

[Robin M]

My 13 year old constantly wants something and once he gets that thing, its on to the next. I had to set limits. One dvd, one game per month. Comic books and books I'm more lenient with. He has absolutely no concept of money no matter how many times have tried to teach him about it. I'll be the first to admit he is spoiled but that's all my fault. Books are our passion around here.

[Catwoman]

My 13 year old constantly wants something and once he gets that thing, its on to the next. I had to set limits. One dvd, one game per month. Comic books and book I'm more lenient with. He has absolutely no concept of money no matter how many times have tried to teach him about it.

 

 

Does he get an allowance? Maybe if he had to use his own money to buy some of the things he wants, he would learn that once he spends his allowance, it's gone, and there's no more until next week (or whenever.)

[Kim in Appalachia]

My kids don't really ask for much, but there is a difference among them. The younger two ask for more. My 4th child is impulsive, and talkative, but my 5th just feels like he should be able to have what he wants. But neither of them asks often. My 4th has been wanting an iPod touch, but really, that's because his 3 older siblings have one. He isn't happy with the answer that he is two young, and that tech changes and he would be better off waiting. But really that's his only request (in the last 6 months). And he doesn't ask daily, just once in a while. The youngest just wants to play baseball, and has been driving me a bit nuts to sign up for the last couple of weeks, but that may be different than you are asking for. There was a point, over a year ago, that my youngest wanted some light up Sketchers. My family thought I was awful for not buying them for him. He whined a bit, but then promptly forgot about them when he got some new shoes at Target. :)

[Robin M]

 

Does he get an allowance? Maybe if he had to use his own money to buy some of the things he wants, he would learn that once he spends his allowance, it's gone, and there's no more until next week (or whenever.)

 

 

Yes, he gets an allowance but half the time he forgets to ask me for it and half the time I forget to give it to him. Guess I really need to put it on the calendar so we don't forget.

[Guest]

My kids make few requests. Dh and I are both frugal and I do think some of it is that they have been "trained" to expect relatively few treats/toys/goodies. One of my children is more likely to ask than the other two. This child is also the only one who may ask repeatedly about something after a decision has been made.

[Catwoman]

Yes, he gets an allowance but half the time he forgets to ask me for it and half the time I forget to give it to him. Guess I really need to put it on the calendar so we don't forget.

 

 

We were doing the same thing, so we finally came up with the idea of an "allowance notebook" where I write in the amount (and the date) each week, and when my ds spends money he tracks it in the notebook by subtracting the amount he spent from the total. That way, he always knows how much money he has available to him. If we forget to write in the allowance amount for a week or two, it's no big deal, because as soon as we open the notebook, we can see how much money I "owe" him by looking at the date and writing in whatever we've missed.

 

The notebook we use isn't anything fancy -- it's just a regular spiral notebook.

 

Did that make any sense? I feel like I didn't explain it well.

[Robin M]

We were doing the same thing, so we finally came up with the idea of an "allowance notebook" where I write in the amount (and the date) each week, and when my ds spends money he tracks it in the notebook by subtracting the amount he spent from the total. That way, he always knows how much money he has available to him. If we forget to write in the allowance amount for a week or two, it's no big deal, because as soon as we open the notebook, we can see how much money I "owe" him by looking at the date and writing in whatever we've missed.

 

The notebook we use isn't anything fancy -- it's just a regular spiral notebook.

 

Did that make any sense? I feel like I didn't explain it well.

 

 

 

Perfectly. We'll try that.

[Joker]

I have one that will ask for stuff but takes no for an answer, so it doesn't bother me. I have one that never asks for anything, and it bothers me because I wish she did. I'm often telling her I can't read her mind and there is no harm in asking.

 

They now both get an allowance and the one that never asks has her own debit card. I'm hoping since it feels like her own money she might actually start speaking up about things she wants now.

 

We have tv and they see commercials, but we've always talked about advertising so they usually make fun of them.

[ElizabethB]

I answered the 2nd question 5-10 times, but should have answered 0...the requests are not for things, but for "come look at this" or "can you do this for me?" We are working on asking less times, it's gotten better with age but is still a work in progress.

[runbikeswim]

They rarely ask for anything, they are 13 and 15. They ask to spend their own money for special things about once every 2-3 months. It is usually a music download for my oldest, the youngest buys odd things such as juggling kits, a yo yo or craft items.

 

However, IF my youngest wants something, he will bother me non stop until he gets it. God help us all when he thinks he has to have something.

[sewingmama]

Yes my kids ask for things often. They don't whine or nag for them. They usually preface their requests with " For my birthday..... or Do we have money for......" I don't mind their asking so long as there is no pestering. Mostly my kids will just look at something in the store and say "Oh I wish I could have that" but they don't ask directly. We've had a few lessons on wants and needs and they understand which end toys and such lie.

 

My 3yo whines and persists and tantrums. That is just part of being 3. Usually around 4-5 my kids started to understand why they just can't have everything and money just doesn't come from the bank.

 

I like my kids to ask for what they want. Then I can see the things they really love by the amount of times they ask for them and I can weed out the whims from the real loves.

 

 

[6packofun]

I have to say that my 6yo is the worst one of my bunch, even compared to the other kiddos at his age. He's big into saying, "Pleeeeeease??" at least a few times when he really wants something. BUT, he doesn't want something every day. Maybe 1-2x a week? He's gotten much better...even a year ago, I kept him from watching more than 1-2 tv shows a day because he's been much more susceptible to advertising than my others! LOL

[Laura Corin]

We gave the boys small allowances from about age 6. Apart from that, they can request particular things on the grocery list - but they don't always get them - and they get presents on their birthdays and a Christmas. They know they have to save up if the want something between these times. They don't whine for things because they know the system.

 

Laura

[GSOchristie]

I misunderstood the question, I should have read the first post. I thought it meant may I have some water, will you take me to the potty, will you put my socks on, etc. My kids only ask for things when they get something new, and it comes with an insert containing all the amazing things they don't have. They pore over every page telling me what they want for their next birthday, even if it's 11 months away. They also have begun asking for the ridiculous Lego Chima stuff, which I refuse to buy. They each get an allowance, so if they want something, they have to save.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

My two boys don't often ask for stuff. Usually it is for a new book, or to go somewhere. They buy most other things with their own money if they really want them. We don't have cable so they don't know about everything out there.

[Once]

It has been a phase for my oldest and now my youngest......they both ask/ed for things all the time and my oldest threw huge fits at younger ages! My youngest is persistant but not a fit thrower. My middle is very easy going and quiet about his needs......sometimes that worries me more. My older two don't ask for many things at all but we are not a shopping family that has a lot of stuff .....we do experiences and that has to be negotiated together to make schedules work....no whining allowed when you are doing that.

They all do Dave Ramsey style commissions and I am frequently saying in response to requests...."Well, you better start saving your pennies then." They work for their own stuff except for Christmas and Birthday gifts at a moderate not frugal levels.