Mommyfaithe Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Reading and trying to put into practice organizational systems, menu planning, dejunking, homeschool helps, cleaning systems, chore organizers, self help books, how to be a better me....etc., etc., etc.!!!!!! There are 7 other human beings in this house who have absolutely no intention of changing, helping, cleaning, dejunking, etc., etc., etc. I am up against a mob of disorganized, selfish mess makers and after almost 30 years of trying to change things....I just want to throw my hands in the air and not try so hard anymore. That is all..... Faithe....who is awake in a Saturday morning looking at the wreckage in her house....wanting to cry or at least have a temper tantrum.....but does not have the energy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinmom Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Aw, hon, I am so sorry...and I can totally relate! Don't waste your energy on them today...go read a book or otherwise relax and leave the messy to fend for themselves for a while. Hugs!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I have a suggestion. Declare a vacation for yourself. Announce to your family that you are sick and tired of being the only one that does X, Y and Z. Let it get messy. Really really messy. Where people can't find things. Any personal stuff left in communal areas gets dumped in one large pile somewhere like maybe in the hallway (i.e. not divided out by person). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I know what you mean. Our foster dd who is 16 is very neat and always picks up after herself. My dh, ds, and other 2 dd's do NOT. I went to bed early and this morning woke up to a disaster in the kitchen---popcorn stuff, chips and cheese makings and plates, cups, coats, shoes, etc. all over. It is hard as I am trying to maintain some order---and certainly do as we have foster care workers, therapists, court people, police officers, etc. stopping in frequently---most unannounced that we have to maintain a certian level of cleanliness around here. Dh just really doesn't even see the mess. It is NOT a big deal to him which makes it harder to motivate the kids and he would rather go have fun with them then work on having them clean up.............so to some degree I just let it go as his relationship with the kids is more important than a spotless house. On the other hand, I don't hand out allowance each week until certain standards are met which is motivating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crafty Mathy Mom Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Amen and :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I should take a picture of my living room that I'm sitting in right now. Not a pretty sight - dress-up clothes, bits of yarn and paper, books, blocks, toys, misc coats and laundry, shoes, socks...it does get frustrating that the mess is even here. We can usually pull together and get the place cleaned up, but it sure would be nice if it didn't get so messy in the first place. (((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Preach it sister! Do they not SEE this place?!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted January 12, 2013 Author Share Posted January 12, 2013 Serious! Why am I the one who always needs to change? Why do I have to figure it all out and miss out on the fun everyone else is having...then do clean up. I am so .....soooooooo.....freakin' tired of it!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alyeska Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 ((hugs)) I understand your frustration. It has taken me awhile to get my family to understand just how badly clutter bothers me and distracts me. And how disrespectful it is to expect others to clean up THEIR fun and mess! My ds is still a work in progress, but is coming along. I affectionately call him my little slug because he leaves a trail of stuff whereever he goes. lol! I don't know if you are looking for suggestions...but here is one. Just ignore the following if it isn't what you were looking for. Get a stack of trashbags. Give everyone a 15 minute cleanup warning. After 15 minutes exactly, start shoving stuff in trashbags. They either have to earn it back by doing extra chores, or it gets thrown away. I actually *have thrown out bags of stuff before. I only had to do it once. : ) No schedule. No chores by particular people. Just trashbags and a mom on a mission. It is very effective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 As long as it bothers you more than them, it won't change. Can you do an experiment and let things go for a time? See how long it takes for the mess to get on your husband's nerves? Keep a journal of how they step over the mess and ignore it? I wouldn't be surprised if my husband does that with me on occasion. I just don't see (or care) about the mess/clutter. But I do have a point where it starts getting to me. Hope you find a way to make it work! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Reading and trying to put into practice organizational systems, menu planning, dejunking, homeschool helps, cleaning systems, chore organizers, self help books, how to be a better me....etc., etc., etc.!!!!!! There are 7 other human beings in this house who have absolutely no intention of changing, helping, cleaning, dejunking, etc., etc., etc. I am up against a mob of disorganized, selfish mess makers and after almost 30 years of trying to change things....I just want to throw my hands in the air and not try so hard anymore. That is all..... Faithe....who is awake in a Saturday morning looking at the wreckage in her house....wanting to cry or at least have a temper tantrum.....but does not have the energy. Leave . . .for the day . . For the weekend. Tell them to call when it's cleaned up and you'll come home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I understand, I really do :grouphug:. I've been dealing with a similarly depressing household for less than half the time that you have, and I often wish I could just run away. You deserve a medal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 As long as it bothers you more than them, it won't change. Can you do an experiment and let things go for a time? See how long it takes for the mess to get on your husband's nerves? Keep a journal of how they step over the mess and ignore it? I wouldn't be surprised if my husband does that with me on occasion. I just don't see (or care) about the mess/clutter. But I do have a point where it starts getting to me. Hope you find a way to make it work! My MIL tired this. It failed. :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynnae Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Here's what's been working for me. I give the kids an allowance, a dollar a day, at the beginning of the month. I put the $31 (a various combination of dollar bills and quarters) in a clear jar in their room, but they can't spend it until the end of the month. Every day I check their rooms. If their beds aren't made and their rooms reasonably clean, I take a dollar. If they leave their stuff laying around the house, and I have to clean it up, I take a quarter for every item. They get to keep what's left at the end of the month. We've only been doing that since January 1, but it's working well so far. About attitudes. My son was having a particularly bad attitude this week and not appreciating all I do. So this weekend he is me. He is doing everything I do, and he was mildly shocked when he worked straight from the time he got home from school to about an hour after the toddler went to bed. He will continue today. To be sure, that consequence is hard on me too, as I have to follow him around and supervise, but it seems to be working. Edited because I hit post too soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 My MIL tired this. It failed. :p It just bugged her more! ;) I'm lucky that my husband has less tolerance for clutter and mess than I do! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Really I bet you are far too nice. That's what I learned about myself. I was too nice and I was being punished for it. I decided to stop that. If I find something they don't care enough about to put away, often after mulitple reminders, I throw it in the trash and I do not replace it. If it is expensive, I might just put it in box in my closet and decide to sell or donate it later. If I have to clean their room, I'm doing it with a yard garbage bag in hand and I'm not asking permission as I do it. I tried nice. No one cared and I felt punished. Not nice is highly effective. They now know how it works. If they want to keep something, they better take care of it themselves because they do not get any say at all in how someone else does it for them. Toy broke bc they left it in the floor and the baby got it? Too bad, whine elsewhere. Can't find dance clothes? Too bad, guess you'll miss it today or show up to sit it out. I'm telling you, this was the only way my family got on board and in gear. They didn't care until I made it a situation where it affected them more than me. Now I will still remind them to put away their stuff, but they are usually quick to do it without complaint. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted January 12, 2013 Author Share Posted January 12, 2013 My MIL tired this. It failed. :p Yep... I even did a photo journal slideshow!!! No effect. I am living with the worlds best passive/aggressives. If there were a contest....they would win....hands down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I am feeling this lately too. The house is a mess. It always seems to be a mess, and whenever I get them to do a grand clean-up, it's awful again the next day. I only have two children! You'd think there were a lot more, with the mess they make! I make them do chores but it still feels like I'm the only one around here who cares or who does anything. I have a perfectly able-bodied husband but he doesn't see mess much and he works so hard that I hate to bug him to do more (he does do stuff around the house, just not as much as I'd like, and he tends to wait to be asked and I hate to ask because hello, he's an adult and I am not his mother and surely he can see that the trash is full)....argh, how do I break this pattern? How do I get other people to care? Where do I even find the time to make everyone clean? This week cousins from WI have been visiting so I keep putting off the make-kids-clean part in favor of letting them play with cousins they haven't seen in over a year. GAH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Preach it sister! Do they not SEE this place?!? Some people actually don't see "clutter" or "mess" especially if that is the normal state of a room or table or kitchen, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Here's what's been working for me. I give the kids an allowance, a dollar a day, at the beginning of the month. I put the $31 (a various combination of dollar bills and quarters) in a clear jar in their room, but they can't spend it until the end of the month. Every day I check their rooms. If their beds aren't made and their rooms reasonably clean, I take a dollar. If they leave their stuff laying around the house, and I have to clean it up, I take a quarter for every item. They get to keep what's left at the end of the month. We've only been doing that since January 1, but it's working well so far. About attitudes. My son was having a particularly bad attitude this week and not appreciating all I do. So this weekend he is me. He is doing everything I do, and he was mildly shocked when he worked straight from the time he got home from school to about an hour after the toddler went to bed. He will continue today. To be sure, that consequence is hard on me too, as I have to follow him around and supervise, but it seems to be working. Edited because I hit post too soon. Am I reading this correctly? You started 12 days ago? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynnae Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Am I reading this correctly? You started 12 days ago? Yep. After a couple of days of seeing their money disappearing, the kids were a lot more motivated to clean up. We'll see if it sticks for the long run, but since they both have plans for their money already, they're pretty motivated to keep things picked up. I'll reload their money jars February first. All I know is that in the last week, I haven't had to do much nagging or reminding to keep things clean. That, combined with a few of my own habit changes, has made a difference in our house that I think everyone appreciates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Martha is right. They only listened after I went in with a garbage bag and the garbage bag went into the trash. For real. No matter WHAT was in it. Now? For the most part the house is visitor friendly all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZeeMommy Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 If I find something they don't care enough about to put away, often after mulitple reminders, I throw it in the trash and I do not replace it. If it is expensive, I might just put it in box in my closet and decide to sell or donate it later. If I have to clean their room, I'm doing it with a yard garbage bag in hand and I'm not asking permission as I do it. Not nice is highly effective. They now know how it works. If they want to keep something, they better take care of it themselves because they do not get any say at all in how someone else does it for them. Toy broke bc they left it in the floor and the baby got it? Too bad, whine elsewhere. Can't find dance clothes? Too bad, guess you'll miss it today or show up to sit it out. This! Or get the biggest snowshovel you've got. Shovel all their stuff into a pile in the middle of the driveway, and all the mess (dirty dishes, crumbs, etc) into the middle of their beds. Give them 15 minutes to get what they want from the stuff pile before you set it on fire. Beds should at least get changed, since no one likes sleeping on a soggy crusty bowl of old cereal or what have you. NOT that I've done this...but I certainly have thought about it! There's always the idea of the mom's box where stuff goes that can be redeemed for a chore. Being messy is a lot easier than being neat - takes a lot more time and effort. Some people do have higher "mess tolerance" than others, but there still is a certain level of clean that's necessary. With three young ones here, it's a constant battle with clutter and teaching then to pick up. Came home one day to find that my husband had made garlicy toast - the evidence being the neat little stencil-like shape of bread where it had been on the counter when he shook the seasoning on it! So I feel your pain too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted January 12, 2013 Author Share Posted January 12, 2013 Martha is right. They only listened after I went in with a garbage bag and the garbage bag went into the trash. For real. No matter WHAT was in it. Now? For the most part the house is visitor friendly all the time. Oh man, do you have any idea how many black garbage bags went into my dumpster over the years?? I think they have just worn me down....and I just don't feel like fighting anymore. I am sick of being the cheerleader, scapegoat, and a third class citizen. I am just fried.......and they know it......and quite honestly, I think they feel it is a great injustice to them to have me throw my hands in the air and give up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Then keep putting the bags at the curb. At the least, there will be less stuff for them to leave out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Oh man, do you have any idea how many black garbage bags went into my dumpster over the years?? I think they have just worn me down....and I just don't feel like fighting anymore. I am sick of being the cheerleader, scapegoat, and a third class citizen. I am just fried.......and they know it......and quite honestly, I think they feel it is a great injustice to them to have me throw my hands in the air and give up. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: It's so hard. It is, and you are being taken for granted. I think that needs to be addressed, first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I am feeling this lately too. The house is a mess. It always seems to be a mess, and whenever I get them to do a grand clean-up, it's awful again the next day. I only have two children! You'd think there were a lot more, with the mess they make! I make them do chores but it still feels like I'm the only one around here who cares or who does anything. I have a perfectly able-bodied husband but he doesn't see mess much and he works so hard that I hate to bug him to do more (he does do stuff around the house, just not as much as I'd like, and he tends to wait to be asked and I hate to ask because hello, he's an adult and I am not his mother and surely he can see that the trash is full)....argh, how do I break this pattern? How do I get other people to care? Where do I even find the time to make everyone clean? This week cousins from WI have been visiting so I keep putting off the make-kids-clean part in favor of letting them play with cousins they haven't seen in over a year. GAH. Now I feel all guilty for posting this. The kids are sorting through their clothes and husband decluttered a pile and is going to look at the suddenly-clanking washing machine...I am a whiner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexigail Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 I've been there and I really feel for you right now. I know how it feels to be the only one who cares about the home environment. It really seems to me that the issue here is less about cleaning and organizing and more about respect. You feel disrespected in your home and that's not OK. Without knowing your situation, I can't offer advice beyond what's been mentioned already. But I wonder if you could address it from that angle- that this is a form of disrespect in your home and it's getting to you. I'm not saying that you should try to guilt them into cleaning more. I just wonder if you could address respect and common courtesy as a theme in the household. If you've been battling for this long, I'm sure you've tried everything and maybe it's true that there's no clear cut solution to it. But small changes can add up too and maybe over time you can find a find things that make it just a little easier to live together. On the other hand, it's perfectly reasonable to say that today you can't deal with the mess and go treat yourself to something instead :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruby Rose Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 I just had this same meltdown yesterday! Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 There are 7 other human beings in this house who have absolutely no intention of changing, helping, cleaning, dejunking, etc., etc., etc. I am up against a mob of disorganized, selfish mess makers and after almost 30 years of trying to change things....I just want to throw my hands in the air and not try so hard anymore. I said this almost exactly to my dh yesterday (only different numbers). Why am I the one who has to change things around and clean and organize everything and tell everyone else what to do? It's someone else's turn to be the mom for a while. When the other adult in the house doesn't exactly model taking responsibility for things, it is an uphill battle. It must be January. We're all cooped up in the house together. Bleh. On the bright side, the boys did their entire chore lists with only one reminder today, and dh went to Goodwill to drop off some clutter and to the home improvement store to pick up a new door and some paint for the bathroom today. I still had to make the chore lists and remind dh what needed to be done, but my mini-tantrum...er, suggestion...must have had a little impact. No if I could just get someone, ANYONE, to let the dog in without being told! :grouphug: Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steffanyace Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 So I am not the only one! *Hugs* We are selling our house, so I have been extra sensitive to things not getting put away. I've decided that I can either pick up or clean, but I don't have time for both. I considered hiring a maid to do the cleaning if I had to pick up after everyone. I explained to ds that if he didn't want to pick up his toys that I would "fix" the problem. When he decided not to finish picking up his toys, I put the ones left out in trash bags and hauled them off to charity. Ever since then if he complains about picking up his toys I say I can "fix the problem." At that point the complaining usually stops and the rest of the toys are picked up. I keep a plastic storage container out specifically for things to be donated. Thing can be voluntarily added, or it is there if I need to "fix" the toy problem. We do irewardschart app. Ds can earn stars for having a clean room, clean toy room, and making his bed. We check at the end of the day. The stars can be redeemed for rewards. I'm not very good about keeping up with it though. Laundry does not get done if it doesn't make it into the laundry basket (except sheets). I read/heard a good idea somewhere. My kids aren't old enough yet for it to be very effective for them. Basically, the kids get a certain allowance which is assigned to their chores. If they don't do their chores, then someone else has to be paid to do it. Let's say unloading the dishwasher is $2. If child A is assigned the chore but forgets to unload the dishwasher, then child B (or parent) is paid the $2 out of child A's money. All I want for Christmas next year is one of those homemade coupon books full of coupons saying everyone else will clean the house while I take a mom day. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Oh, Faithe... :grouphug: You do sound burned out. You need a break, mama!! I hear you though. I have a *much* smaller household than you (or some of the other ladies who posted). But it's amazing how underfoot one husband, one son, and one dog can be. I know what it feels like to be taken for granted... there are some areas of the house that I just keep picking up and people just keep dumping their junk again. My DH is even pretty good about helping, although he has his moments. I've realized, though, I need to make some changes with the boy. His future wife will despise me if I don't start training him!! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Reading and trying to put into practice organizational systems, menu planning, dejunking, homeschool helps, cleaning systems, chore organizers, self help books, how to be a better me....etc., etc., etc.!!!!!! There are 7 other human beings in this house who have absolutely no intention of changing, helping, cleaning, dejunking, etc., etc., etc. I am up against a mob of disorganized, selfish mess makers and after almost 30 years of trying to change things....I just want to throw my hands in the air and not try so hard anymore. That is all..... Faithe....who is awake in a Saturday morning looking at the wreckage in her house....wanting to cry or at least have a temper tantrum.....but does not have the energy. I know what you mean. I hit a wall last year around this same time. I went on strike. I simply stopped cleaning or picking up in my son's room. At first, he didn't notice, but then it got too gross, even for him. When he finally asked when I was going to clean his room, I just calmly told him I wasn't. That was his room. Cleaning it is his job. He's certainly old enough to take care of his own things. I also stopped cleaning the bathroom. I swear I live with 2 dogs with territorial anxiety. My guys were pigs in the bathroom. Now, this one was hard for me because the only alternative was to use the toilet in the basement. The cats use that one. Interestingly enough, the cats are extremely neat and tidy about their toilet. Funny how the animals had a better sense of toilet etiquette than the other supposed humans in the house. My dh was a quick study on that one. I think it was the first time he stepped in ds's misaimed midnight pee that did it. Ds and dh now have a few agreed upon rules for how to use and leave the bathroom. They're both so squicked out by the possibility of sitting or stepping in one another's pee that they've self-corrected. Another interesting note -- they both wondered why this happened all of a sudden. I told them the house brownie in charge of bathroom cleaning had given her notice, so it was now up to them as there'd be no more magically disappearing whiz fests. I think they understood. So, my advice is to call a strike, and when they come looking for negotiations, stand your ground. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in SC Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 I have no idea if this will be helpful. In our house, our girls are the messies. They have "floordrobes" not wardrobes. We instituted this rule. Every Sunday, by 5 p.m., their rooms must be free of trash, floors must be free of everything but furniture, and rooms must be dusted and vacuumed. If not? Well then, I get to clean as I see fit. Younger dd has never failed to follow new arrangement, which started a few months ago. Older dd failed once. I can't throw away her clothing because it's crucial to her school and job. Well, I could, but chose not to. What I did was to place all clothing, without regard to its state of cleanliness in one black trash bag. I placed that on her made bed, dusted and vacuumed. She had such a hard time sifting through that trash bag that she's kept to the agreement ever since. I had a friend in high school who lived like a pig. Twice, her mom opened my friend's bedroom window on the second floor and threw all of the mess out the window and into the back yard. She warned her once, but never said a thing about it once she'd done it. It did take my friend twice to really get it, but then she kept things tidy. I think sometimes shock value and few words work when nothing else seems to. I do sympathize though. It's no fun to feel like the burden is on you. (((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeLovePassion Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 How frusterating for you, I just began reading the book Boundaries, and maybe it would help you set some limits. I bagged up toys from my dd's and didnt give them back for over a month, they are better at not complaining come clean up time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Faithe, have you ever thought of carving out just a couple of rooms you spend you time in, cleaning those, and letting the rest of the house fall apart? You would have to mentally commit to not ever cleaning up the rest, either they do it, or they don't, lol. In my case I would do the sewing room and the bedroom/ master bath. Anyone who messes up those areas gets their stuff thrown away, or you make them clean it under duress. It is not cool to feel like the family slave. It sounds unhealthy. My family is pretty messy/ hoarders and I really keep on top of it by ordering them to clean up after themselves. It sounds like you are more interested in being liked than I am, because my family sulks, pouts, complains and argues, but I make them pick up after themselves. Even down to... "You did not pick up the fork you left on the coffee table, go pick it up." "I'm busy, I'll do it later." "No, I will turn off the internet now if that fork is not picked up instantly." This does not make for a happy household all the time, but I can think straight, which I cannot do in the mess they would leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMe Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 I can relate. I feel like I follow everyone around and pick up after and clean up after. I urge you to get a big bucket and whatever is in your way, to toss it in there. Then they all can look for their stuff there. If it fills up, take that one to the garage and start another. I couldn't eat on a clean kitchen table to save my life. I have succummed to a tiny corner on my kitchen counter for food prep. When junk is on the table, it goes on their plate. I haven't gotten to the island yet though. Sigh. My dh reads the mail and leaves the mail and the garbage on the island. My dd couldn't find a garbage can to save her life and neither one can find the dishwasher. Then there's the jackets. And that's just a tiny part of it. When I grew up we didn't have all these piles of junk. Our kitchen table was free, our toys were in our rooms and our living room was for family viewing and fun. What happened? I know we're in a society of more and we didn't grow up with a computer and it's junk, but I don't remember leaving this stuff nor anyone else laying all over the house. We just didn't do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMe Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Now I feel all guilty for posting this. The kids are sorting through their clothes and husband decluttered a pile and is going to look at the suddenly-clanking washing machine...I am a whiner. LOL...I love it. I'm a whiner too. But sheesh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMe Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 As for my 3rd post in a row, LOL, I think they make lousy homes too. They're all big and open and "all that", but most I see have zero closet space, rooms the size of a pea and big space that is useless and wasted. I have oodles of closets, but they're not useful because they're too narrow or not deep or it's just the wrong space! I have a hall closet that can't fit anything deeper than a piece of paper and that's only right in front of the door. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Today (Sunday of all days) my meltdown was over laundry. We have a system. Every bedroom has it's own laundry day. One day to wash and dry, the next to put away. Not too difficult, huh? I mean, I can manage to do it for dh and I. But apparently it is (I do help the youngers). And of course on Sunday NO ONE can find their dress clothes (are they still wet in the washer? In the playroom? Mixed up with the camping gear? :sneaky2: ), tights, shoes, etc. I'm thinking I'll have to withhold food in order to get something done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BeautyForAshes6 Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Lynnae, How is it going with the 31 allowance? I'd like to start this too. Is it working for you? have you given up? Have you tweaked it in any way? Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 Faithe, have you ever thought of carving out just a couple of rooms you spend you time in, cleaning those, and letting the rest of the house fall apart? You would have to mentally commit to not ever cleaning up the rest, either they do it, or they don't, lol. In my case I would do the sewing room and the bedroom/ master bath. Anyone who messes up those areas gets their stuff thrown away, or you make them clean it under duress. It is not cool to feel like the family slave. It sounds unhealthy. My family is pretty messy/ hoarders and I really keep on top of it by ordering them to clean up after themselves. It sounds like you are more interested in being liked than I am, because my family sulks, pouts, complains and argues, but I make them pick up after themselves. Even down to... "You did not pick up the fork you left on the coffee table, go pick it up." "I'm busy, I'll do it later." "No, I will turn off the internet now if that fork is not picked up instantly." This does not make for a happy household all the time, but I can think straight, which I cannot do in the mess they would leave. I am not too worried about being liked....my kids and dh are just either relentless or clueless about their bad habits...and how it effects me. We live in a small house with lots of people....and I am sick of the drill Sargent bit.... Anyway, I still have not found a viable solution....but, I can not live in a sh!t hole....so I clean. For my mental health...I can not stand clutter and mess. I don't think the kids realize however that they have less and less stuff....lol! If I find it....I have been disposing of it. Slowly, my house is getting easier to manage....and I have my little vengeance without saying a word....hehehehehe....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I have a similar situation here. My house is always ready for company. How? Reason #1: No little kids (toys) and I'm not homeschooling any more. Reason #2: No clutter. Stacks of currently being read books are on the end table shelves, and they are not clutter. Reason #3: We now live in a house that is half the size of our former house ... five fewer common area rooms and we gave away at least half of our belongings when we moved. I put everything the kids leave lying around in trash bags, and put those bags on the porch. There is a wall that hides these bags from view. Not much gets left around any more. I refuse to engage in discussions about it. I throw everyone's dirty laundry (left on the bathroom floor) into their rooms. I do not do the kids' laundry or clean their rooms. Three of the kids have messy rooms, but that is not my problem. Their doors stay closed so the dog doesn't go in and eat something that requires him to have a $3K operation. Every day, I tidy the bathroom, living room, dining room and master bedroom. I keep the kitchen clean. I do a load of laundry (sometimes 2 or 3, depending on whether rugs and my sheets and blankets are washed). I vacuum, mop, dust, and thoroughly clean the bathroom once a week. Every week, I wash the outside of the kitchen cabinets and appliances, and clean the refrigerator. Everything has a place or it is banished to basement storage shelves or to a thrift store. I keep a box and a bag in the basement which contains items to take to the thrift store. My messiest inhabitants are the dog, who empties his toy box all over the living room floor, and DH. I clean up after them. Chores like washing walls and cleaning the blinds, carpets, area rugs, and upholstery are sprinkled throughout the month or season, as are all project chores. I do not help anyone find anything that is lost in their bedrooms or was left in a common area. I do not rescue anyone who has run out of clean clothes or who has a problem caused by their own messiness or lack of planning. I no longer buy clothes for anyone who stores them on the floor. If someone wants help, they have to ask for it in a timely manner. If someone needs to make an appointment, they can do so for themselves. I take full responsibility for keeping the common areas clean, and I ask for help when I *need* it. This means I am out of the nagging and supervising business. No more allowances. No more chore charts. No more reminders. No more arguments and discussions. No more internet if the garbage isn't taken out and the lawn isn't mowed. It is much less stressful for me to have boundaries. If the kids don't like it, they can move out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steffanyace Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 My messiest inhabitants are the dog, who empties his toy box all over the living room floor, and DH. I clean up after them. Your dog can be trained to put all their toys away on command. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Your dog can be trained to put all their toys away on command. ;) That's on my list for this year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Simplify everything you can and then become Sarg. As in drill. X not done: no leaving for your Y class, sorry if you miss it. etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misty.warden Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Martha and Audrey said it better than I ever could. :grouphug: Here's hoping things work out for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BeautyForAshes6 Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Faithe....who is awake in a Saturday morning looking at the wreckage in her house....wanting to cry or at least have a temper tantrum.....but does not have the energy. HA! This reminds me of the Facebook post that shows the mom exasperated in a chair and says " I'd throw in the towel but it would just make one more thing for me to wash. " :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 Update: Well, I pulled up my big girl pants, had a real heart to heart with dh, Got him on board.....and we set up some new " habits" for our kids. So far, it is coming along nicely. At least they know I mean business and their dad is going to back me up.....and they also know dad is in charge of the snacks :-). He is great at using kid currency! Lol. Oh, I also announced I will no longer be doing regular housework on Saturday or Sunday. We can all do those special jobs, and regular stuff like the dishes, but if their room is a mess....they can miss out on something or it can just wait until Monday. If they are just being inconsiderate, they get a penalty....like sorry....your room is a mess even though you had plenty of time to clean it.....and nw we are leaving. You do not have time to ride your bike. I take my little fanny out of here on Saturday mornings and go to the gym.....they are supposed to inspect themselves and their areas before I get back....no nagging, no checking up on them, no reminders. If it is done, we can go do some fun stuff together.....if not, I sit down with a nice cup of coffee and chat with dad while they clean up their own stuff......if it is still a no go, dh and I plan an afternoon together, or plot revenge. It is really nice to have someone on my side!!! Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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