Is anyone else NOT going into detail about the school shooting with their DC?

[Dmmetler]

DD hasn't asked about it or mentioned it. I know she knows it happened, since it was in the paper (we don't watch TV news, but we get a daily paper and she does read most of it) and has been on the internet in various places, like the Google Doodle and various tributes on sites that she frequents. I'm torn on whether it's better to go over it with her or not. Given some of her anxiety about other media reports (she saw the CNN news coverage in a hotel Lobby after the VA Tech shooting as a preschooler, and panicked because she was terrified because her grandfather and I both taught at various universities-and she was afraid we'd be killed, news reports about a tornado set up fears of thunderstorms that have taken years to get over, etc), I don't want her starting to worry that whenever any of her PS friends go to school they might die, or transfer the anxiety over to group settings with kids in general. But at the same time, I'm feeling almost neglectful by NOT talking about it, since it really seems like this is something "good parents" are supposed to do after a tragedy. I'm not sure whether I'm better off waiting until and unless she comes to me, or whether I'm better off bringing it up and possibly putting ideas into her mind that otherwise wouldn't occur.

[Impish]

Diva knows, Littles don't.

 

I don't intend to change that.

[Snow]

I don't think you're the only one. On the other thread there were people who responded they would take their child's lead on it. Maybe just put a comment out there like, isn't that awful about the school shooting? And see how she responds. I think good parents know their own kid and are responsive to their needs, however that plays out.

[Joanne]

If she knows, I think it's important to talk about it.

 

For younger kids who don't know, it makes sense to not introduce the topic.

[sparrow]

I don't think there is anything wrong with casually asking, when you're in the car alone with her, if she heard about it and if she has any questions. She can ask you then, or if not, she knows she can come to you. I was a fretful worrier as a child. I would have needed to talk about it, without knowing I needed to talk about it.

[Snow]

I don't think there is anything wrong with casually asking, when you're in the car alone with her, if she heard about it and if she has any questions. She can ask you then, or if not, she knows she can come to you. I was a fretful worrier as a child. I would have needed to talk about it, without knowing I needed to talk about it.

 

I completely agree.

[ErinE]

I am not. My youngest doesn't know, but my oldest knows and we are open to talk about it with limits. He has a tendency to fixate so much of our discussion focuses on how rare the occurrence is and how unlikely it is to happen to him.

[Farrar]

My kids saw the candle on google and asked what it was for. I told them that there had been a tragedy, many people were shot and I was very sad about it. I asked did they need to hear more or talk about it and they said no and gave me a hug. I had not intended to tell them anything, but I also won't lie.

[Guest]

My kids don't know, and unless they hear about it elsewhere, I don't think they will. We aren't at church this week and won't be there next week, so I'm kind of thinking they won't hear anything. They tend to be a little clueless anyway.

[Mommy22alyns]

I am absolutely not going to tell the girls about this. Adults are having a hard time processing it. The President almost started to cry. Why would I burden my two girls (one of whom is the same age as some victims) with it? No way.

 

We don't listen to the radio, we don't watch the news, and their online activities are just games.

[Word Nerd]

I did talk to my DDs about it, as they're both in school and I'm sure it will come up at some point. I gave only a big picture summary to my 7-year-old and did not share specific details--like the fact that the kids who were killed were her age. I also encouraged her to talk to me if she hears more about it at school or has any questions. I'm also going to ask the teacher how she plans to handle it in class if a student brings it up, just so we're on the same page.

 

I talked to my 11-year-old separately and in more detail. They talked about it at her middle school on Friday, and apparently one of her classmates had personal experience with an intruder at her former school and shared her story. I expect that she may have other questions and concerns in the coming days as more information comes to light, and I will talk to her more as it comes up.

[Heatherwith4]

I won't tell the kids about it. I hope they don't find out, but if they do, then we will definitely talk about it. My oldest is only 7, FWIW.

[momtoamiracle]

I am absolutely not going to tell the girls about this. Adults are having a hard time processing it. The President almost started to cry. Why would I burden my two girls (one of whom is the same age as some victims) with it? No way.

 

We don't listen to the radio, we don't watch the news, and their online activities are just games.

 

 

 

Same here.

[butterflymommy]

I told DD 13 yesterday just to prepare her for hearing about it monday at school. My other kids heard about it at church (priest mentioned it) and there was a memorial candle on google so they asked. I started sobbing and couldn't even tell the third girl to ask about it. DD 13 is upset with me for telling them but I don't think I had much choice. they'll hear about it tomorrow either way.

[Mommy to monkeys]

I made all of mine leave the room (except my infants obviously) when the news coverage was on.

[athena1277]

I'll talk to my dd if she hears about it, but I've been avoiding the TV news since it happened. She gets really worried and will go on and on about something like this. Many things I can't avoid, like weather disasters that happen near us (like hurricanes). This one does not affect her directly, so I'm keeping her out of it so she has one less thing to worry about. Besides that, we take ds to speech at our local ps every week and I don't want her scared to go there. Ds is only 5, so he's oblivious.

[Cinder]

My teens know; my 8yo doesn't. She knows something bad happened and a lot of people died. That's it. We're not going to discuss it further with her. If either of the teens wants to talk about it we will with them.

[Ewe Mama]

My children do not know and I don't intend to go there. Sometimes not using the tv is a good thing. We don't get a newspaper, so can avoid that exposure.

[texasmama]

My 17 year old knows, and we have discussed it. We don't watch the news and only get the paper on the weekends, so my other three kids appear not to have heard about it. If they ask about it, we will discuss it. Otherwise, I will not tell them.

[crazyforlatin]

DD doesn't know, but that's only because we don't have a tv or newspaper subscription or open Internet usage. She's 7, and I wasn't sure, but after reading through another thread on Friday, I'm avoiding it for now. I'm not ready to talk about it without crying. Oh, wait a minute, NPR wakes us up, but I clearly remember that this news wasn't brought up when she was listening.

[TravelingChris]

My 16 yo knows about it but doesn't want to discuss it. It was not a great way to have a birthday and I am not discussing it with her. She knows that some mentally ill people do very bad things and I think that is all that there is to discuss anyway.

[Murmer]

I only told my dd, when she wanted to play with a toy nerf gun and I said no and she kept asking why, that a bad man had made a bad choice with a gun and hurt someone far away and I didn't want to see any guns today. I have not watched any news about it only read a bit on the internet. But I just saw on facebook that her school is going to be addressing it somehow and I am hoping they are really gentle because I don't want her to know :(

[TraciWA]

No we won't be going into all the details with our dc. I did tell them it happened. We have a ten year old that gets very anxious about things involving death and serious illness, especially when it happens to kids.

[Parrothead]

I told dd what happened but only in the most basic of ways. She didn't want to talk about it but she did pray for the victims.

[Mango]

They know there was a tragedy but that's it. No details. NO TV news playing in the house right now.

 

Newspapers are laying about so they might see something there. But the comics ares still their main reason for opening the newspaper.

[MiniBlondes]

Mine originally knew that there had been a bad man in a school but then the subject was dropped and they seemingly forgot about it. Then the next night, I had the radio on in the car and the news popped on and the announcer said the death toll before I could change it. It happened in seconds. So then they had a million questions. I answered them and tried to spin them the best way that I could. We don't have cable so they haven't seen any news coverage at all. All they heard was that 5 second headline announcement and what I've told them.

[KrissiK]

I'm not telling my kids at all. I don't think it would be beneficial for them to know.

[Georgiana Daniels]

Thankfully my kids are too young to have seen the news anywhere on their own. So no, we're not discussing.

 

If, for some reason, they heard about it (at sports or whatever) and bring it up, I will answer their questions with as little detail as possible, only answering each specific question as it comes up.

[Just Kate]

I'm unsure about whether to talk with my kids about this or not. They are young (8 and 5), but they do go to school. Their school is a very small, Christian school, so I am not overly concerned about the teachers talking about it, as the school is so conservative. However, I worry a bit about one of the other kids saying something. The teacher of my dd's K class sent home a paper this morning when we did drop off about how she will not bring it up to the class, but how she would handle it if a child asked. She also said that she was teaching K when 9/11 happened and that very few of her students talked about it.

 

So, I doubt I will bring it up with my 5 year old, but I am unsure about the 8 year old. Boy do I wish they were both home with me right now. :crying:

[Hoot]

DS13 was actually the one that told US about it. He was watching a sports show when it came across the tv. He then saw a snippet when we were out to dinner that night. He's a smart kid and he understands what happened, but he hasn't asked any questions so we haven't talked about it. I have, however, decided to do something most people won't understand and teach him how to shoot. For Christmas we decided to get him an air soft gun with plastic pellets so he can learn to shoot a target. I grew up on a farm and every kid in the area was taught to shoot a gun. I think that took some of the mystique out of it and gave us a healthy respect for firearms. We were well supervised but we also knew what we were doing. My grandfather hunted and we saw the carcasses strung up in the barn after he'd shot them. We saw what guns did to living things. I want my son to have a healthy understanding and respect for guns without the fear. Some won't understand that in light of what happened, but to me, it makes perfect sense. Once he's learned to properly use the air soft we'll take him to the range to become Jr. certified. He will never in a million years have free access to a weapon in our home, but I think learning to use one properly is a good thing for so many reasons.

[gardenmom5]

I am not going into it with 7yo at all.

[snowbeltmom]

I am absolutely not going to tell the girls about this. Adults are having a hard time processing it. The President almost started to cry. Why would I burden my two girls (one of whom is the same age as some victims) with it? No way.

 

We don't listen to the radio, we don't watch the news, and their online activities are just games.

 

:iagree:

 

My kids are older and they saw it on the news, but my brother and sil have three girls under age 10 and they have no idea and my brother wants to keep it that way.

 

The principal of my neices' elementary school sent out a mass email to the parents last night requesting that all the kids wear white and green colors to school today to honor the shooting victims. My brother was not happy about this because obviously the kids would be questioning why everyone is wearing the same colors and he does not want his daughters to be afraid to go to school. He called them in sick today. Hopefully, the kids at school will not be discussing the tragedy tomorrow.

[Murmer]

So while the counselors had planned on talking about school being safe and possibly (if brought up) the situation my dd was either not paying attention or not in the room at that time so I am glad that they didn't make it a really big deal.

[swimmermom3]

If she knows, I think it's important to talk about it.

 

For younger kids who don't know, it makes sense to not introduce the topic.

 

My own kids are now teens, so of course we are talking about it. However, when 9/11 occurred, my kids were all under the age of ten and 2 were in school. I also taught a kindergarten extended care class and was able to see the direct effects of how various parents responded with their children. Our choice was to respond as honestly as we could to questions, but keep those responses age-appropriate and to make our children feel as safe as possible. The impact of parents who wallowed in media coverage and excessive emotionalism was very apparent with some of my class. One mother could not understand why her daughter was acting out and having nightmares, yet the mom had her tv going non-stop and could barely keep a grip on her own emotions.

 

It is important at this time that we grieve and that we talk about ways to try and avert these types of tragedies, but it is also part of our job to act as a filter to keep our children emotionally safe. To me, this means that you limit your own media coverage in front of younger children and you control your own emotional responses and dialogue.

[Jilly]

My 13-year-old twins know about it, and we discussed it briefly. They do not want to talk about it anymore.

 

My nine-year-old son doesn't know about it, and I have no intention of bringing it up to him.