Dh and I were bystanders to a horrific event...

[Soror]

I don't know even if horrific is the right word but that is the best I can think of after 2+ days of thinking about this. *Warning this happened at the OBs office- both mom and baby live but it is not a good story if you are sensitive- have had birth loss- etc.

 

I was in for my appt. and had just moved to the ultrasound room when the nurse came in and asked for me to move to another room as there was a mom with a baby in distress. No problem, I waddled down the hall a bit to the next room. The nurse seemed somewhat concerned but not in a huge hurry at that point.

 

We got seated and a minute or so later I hear the other lady moving down the hall and talking. About 2 minutes later perhaps I hear a nurse flying down the hall asking for a scalpel and lidocaine.

 

Then came the screams. It was just horrid. Absolutely horrid. The office is not huge and we were probably no more than 20 feet away and they were so loud evidently they were heard in the lobby as well.

 

The nurses were in and out desperately trying to find a ped in the building (there is a ped's practice on another floor). Frantic calls for an ambulance for mom and then for baby as well.

 

Apgars were 2 and 2. I heard them say after about 30 min of working on him he was pinking up and breathing on his own. I think from what I gathered there was a placental abruption and when they did the doppler they couldn't find heart tones on the baby and the ultrasound merely confirmed that things were not well. Mom was around 35 weeks I think.

 

I think mom was still conscious after the e- c-section as I heard her mom tell her dad was on the way, she was taken to the OR to finish the surgery. I think baby was sent to our hospital, although I don't have any way of knowing if he was able to stay. We don't have a very high level facility locally.

 

I cannot get it out of my head of course being pregnant myself it seems even more unsettling. I am also greatly disturbed by a conversation I had with someone else irt the event. She said that likely the women wouldn't remember it anyway as they would drug her up. I told her it is still absolutely horrific regardless. Then she made a comment about well, wouldn't you do the same thing- ie have the emergency section. Of course I would but that doesn't make it any less scary and terrifying. I cannot fathom someone dismissing the trauma of the event, brushing it aside like she did. Then the whole idea that the lady would be given some kind of drug to make her forget- do they really do that? I wish I could remember the name she said. I don't see how that is ethical. It makes me feel disgust and anger to be honest. How can one not have anything but extreme empathy in a situation such as that? Do we really care so little for one another?

 

I cannot help but imagine myself in her shoes. The absolute fear that my baby will not live, that I will not live- terror of the pain coming and then the pain itself. Horror at watching my baby pulled from me blue. How was it for the Mom to just stand there unable to help? How would it be for my husband? We were just sitting there holding hands and trying not to cry and praying during it all. I know his heart was wretched as much as mine. Would he go with me or with the baby? How his heartwould ache for worry and love for us.

 

fwiw in case there is something negative to be said I don't want to hear it- as I said I cannot fathom what that could be but then again I don't understand a lot of what other people think.

Edited October 29, 2012 by soror

[Hen]

oh my gosh, I can't even imagine something like that happening.

 

I am so sorry for your trauma- and of course, the mother's.

 

praying for you and for her. I know, that would be something I could never forget.

:grouphug:

[mumto2]

How awful!!! Cannot imagine that happening while at the OBs.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Melissa in Australia]

I have no words

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Slartibartfast]

They could have given a drug to make her forget it but they would have had to have given it to her before. It is versed, it is actually a common drug they use to help one forget bad procedures, it is commonly used on children. They gave it to me once and it made me not understand what was happening to me and I fought (physically fought) a huge male nurse. I don't think it is unethical but...I did ask them not to tell me what I did while on it.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

'

I cannot imagine those circumstances. Thank God it happened at the Dr's office.

Edited October 29, 2012 by Sis

[Night Elf]

I don't think there is a particular drug that will make someone forget an entire incident like that. Maybe what the person was thinking was that the mom got to the doctors who immediately gave her a drug regimen that would ease her pain and terror to a manageable level. I do think it was a horrible situation and I'm so sorry you had to be witness to that in your state. I think it would be horrible for anyone but that just hits too close to home. Just try to focus on the fact that you don't know the facts. This mom might have been having some issues that she didn't understand and chose to go to her OB's office instead of the hospital. This may have been her first child and she was scared and felt it might not be serious enough for the hospital. With my first baby, I was in active labor and still afraid to go to the hospital because I thought they would send me home. I was only 38 weeks and I was stuck on the 40-week magic number. My then husband had to actually pick me up and put me in the car. Afterwards I felt like an idiot, of course. But hopefully mom and baby will recover 100% and that the baby is an easy one making the newborn phase go so smoothly that the horror of the birth can begin to fade away. What a scary, scary thing. :grouphug:

[Night Elf]

They could have given a drug to make her forget it but they would have had to have given it to her before. It is versed, it is actually a common drug they use to help one forget bad procedures, it is commonly used on children. They gave it to me once and it made me not understand what was happening to me and I fought (physically fought) a huge male nurse. I don't think it is unethical but...I did ask them not to tell me what I did while on it.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I cannot imagine those circumstances. Thank God it happened at the Drs office.

 

I learn something new all of the time. I would have never thought a drug like that existed beyond a very strong form of therapy for a severe mental case. They sure didn't give anything like that to my mom when she broke her legs in a major car accident. She had nightmares for months, reliving her experience. Even now, 14 years later, she refuses to get into a car unless she's driving and she's hyper vigilant about everything. I don't like riding with her.

[Slartibartfast]

I learn something new all of the time. I would have never thought a drug like that existed beyond a very strong form of therapy for a severe mental case. They sure didn't give anything like that to my mom when she broke her legs in a major car accident. She had nightmares for months, reliving her experience. Even now, 14 years later, she refuses to get into a car unless she's driving and she's hyper vigilant about everything. I don't like riding with her.

 

It's been around for a long time. It has to be given before the trauma, there isn't anything that can pluck a specific memory from your mind.

Edited October 29, 2012 by Sis

[melissad2]

Versed is used quite often for surgery and other procedures. It is mostly a "drowsy" drug but does cause one to forget or not care. It is given so the patient can relax and have a procedure done. It is most commonly used in procedures that require conscious sedation but not full anesthesia. If it was given after the fact she is not going to forget anything that happened prior to the drug.

[Night Elf]

It's been around for a long time. It has to be given before the trauma, there isn't anything that can pluck a specific memory from your mind.

 

Oh! That doesn't sound like something a regular OB office would have on hand. Poor woman! I just can't imagine.

[Slartibartfast]

Oh! That doesn't sound like something a regular OB office would have on hand. Poor woman! I just can't imagine.

 

I can't imagine a office having it.

[kristi26]

That is horrible and I'm so sorry you had to be a witness to it. And yes, there really is a drug that they can give you that is fast-acting and will make you forget the pain. I've had it for another surgery. I'm sure they had her sign consents to do it all! They always do!!

[Joanne]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Sending thoughts to mom, baby, you, and the professionals who are also unsettled.

[brownie]

Just remember how blessed she was to have been in the OB's office at that time. Otherwise she and the baby could have died. I had a relative who nearly didn't make it with a placental disruption. Her dog saved her life by waking her husband in the middle of the night.

 

Brownie

[lisamarie]

So wait. Are you saying they did an e c/s WITHOUT pain meds first??? Can they do that??? :001_huh:

[KidsHappen]

They could have given a drug to make her forget it but they would have had to have given it to her before. It is versed, it is actually a common drug they use to help one forget bad procedures, it is commonly used on children. They gave it to me once and it made me not understand what was happening to me and I fought (physically fought) a huge male nurse. I don't think it is unethical but...I did ask them not to tell me what I did while on it.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

'

I cannot imagine those circumstances. Thank God it happened at the Dr's office.

 

The are some medicines that cause retrograde amnesia, meaning that the person won't remember what happened for some amount of time before the medicine was taken. Hopefully they gave her some medicine like that. It won't make the actual event any less horrific but it will be much less traumatic for her if she doesn't remember.

[stripe]

That is awful. I went to the hairdresser two weeks before my due date, and this other woman showed up. She'd had a c-section and her wound kept opening up, and she and the hairdresser kept going over and going over the details until I was seriously ready to throw up. I found that very upsetting, so I certainly can imagine that this was a tremendous shock to you. I am glad the mother and baby got prompt medical care, but it sounds very scary.

 

There is a member on here (or two) who had an emergency c-section without anesthesia.

[LaxMom]

What a completely scary situation. :grouphug:

 

On the other hand, I am super impressed with the OB and staff. Kudos to them for taking a leap in less than ideal circumstances for the safety of mama and baby.

[Catherine]

I'm a medical person, so I'm sure I perceive this event differently from you, but I would consider it a scary event with an ultimately good outcome. Yes, the Mom endured awful pain and fear for a few minutes, but very likely she is OK, and her baby as well. She may even have been traumatized emotionally, but I would be very hopeful that in the end, she will be able to remember the birth of her (future) healthy child as terrible, but ultimately lifesaving for him. ((hugs)) to you though. You must have been terrified :crying:

[hillfarm]

I had to have an unplanned c/s. We had to make the choice of whether dh would stay with me or go with the baby. That was an easy choice for me - go with the baby!

 

Unfortunately I have always been a rather feisty person, especially in relation to medical things. During labor I threw the Dr. and nurse out of the delivery room. In Recovery, after the c/s, the details are fuzzy - I can't remember to this day what was real and what was my imagination, but I think I started to fight with the nurses who were going to move me when I wasn't ready yet. Dh says he heard some murmuring about a fight in Recovery and he knew I was involved, but he never got the specific details either.

 

IRL, I try hard to be nice and polite, rarely causing any fuss. It's astounding what can happen during delivery. I have forgotten much during the ensuing years. I chalked it up to a series of sleepless nights on top of postpartum hormones.

[Kathryn]

So wait. Are you saying they did an e c/s WITHOUT pain meds first??? Can they do that??? :001_huh:

 

That's how I was born. My mom was in labor when she got to the hospital but nobody bothered to check her until the on call doctor arrived. He had figured it would take a while since it was her first and he'd stopped for coffee. When he checked her, I had one leg out and was unresponsive (and a month early). In order to possibly save me, they had to cut without any pain relief. There was no time to wait for anything to start working. My apgar scores were so low that they wouldn't let her see me for over 24 hours because they said I'd be so "profoundly retarded" that she'd have to place me in a home.

[happypamama]

Yikes, wow, that is a traumatic story, indeed! I'm so, so glad the mama and her baby both lived. It must have been horrible to hear. :grouphug:

[Soror]

Thanks for the hugs and I'm sure the mom and family could use prayers. I do wonder about her. Was she a young single mom? Was that why she was with her mom? I heard no mention of a father. Was this her first baby? I took it from the nurses that she was having some pains and perhaps that is why she came in but what she had described sounded like labor pains and not an emergency.

 

irt to the drug she might be given she was talking about after the fact. It was not versed, but I cannot remember the name.

 

Of course the outcome was good and happy. That doesn't diminish the horror of the event though. It might be an every day event for those in the med field but I imagine the perspective is different whenever you are the one undergoing the procedure. If there is no thought or idea how that can be the case then I cannot relate and don't want to, tbh. To focus solely on the physical without any regard to the emotional is a very incomplete and inhumane look at healthcare.

 

I've heard other stories first hand on birth boards of women who had an emergency c-sections without drugs. Yes, they were thrilled to be alive with their babies but it was still a very painful event for them. Both of those things can co-exist.

[Parrothead]

So wait. Are you saying they did an e c/s WITHOUT pain meds first??? Can they do that??? :001_huh:

Yes, of course they can.

[catz]

Just remember how blessed she was to have been in the OB's office at that time. Otherwise she and the baby could have died. I had a relative who nearly didn't make it with a placental disruption. Her dog saved her life by waking her husband in the middle of the night.

 

Brownie

 

:iagree: This is a good ending. I had a csection that had me bleeding out. The doctors and nurses were panicking, my epidural wore off and I was screaming and crying and I remember it. But I did get good drugs after that definitely took the edge off. My husband was MUCH more traumatized that day. I cannot imagine being prepared to do an emergency csection without having something there.

 

That said moms like that are at high risk for PPD, and I wish someone would have told me that before. I did have PPD after my first child (and no problem after my 2nd)

[Parrothead]

 

Of course the outcome was good and happy. That doesn't diminish the horror of the event though. It might be an every day event for those in the med field but I imagine the perspective is different whenever you are the one undergoing the procedure. If there is no thought or idea how that can be the case then I cannot relate and don't want to, tbh. To focus solely on the physical without any regard to the emotional is a very incomplete and inhumane look at healthcare.

 

It is a coping mechanism. :grouphug::grouphug: I hope the rest of your pregnancy and the birth of your new baby is totally uneventful.

[Alice]

 

Of course the outcome was good and happy. That doesn't diminish the horror of the event though. It might be an every day event for those in the med field but I imagine the perspective is different whenever you are the one undergoing the procedure. If there is no thought or idea how that can be the case then I cannot relate and don't want to, tbh. To focus solely on the physical without any regard to the emotional is a very incomplete and inhumane look at healthcare.

 

I've heard other stories first hand on birth boards of women who had an emergency c-sections without drugs. Yes, they were thrilled to be alive with their babies but it was still a very painful event for them. Both of those things can co-exist.

 

I think doctors and medical people can sometimes seem dismissive about the horror of events like this when there is a “good outcome” for two reasons. One is that even though it isn’t in anyway an every day event we are used to seeing more horrible things so it isn’t as shocking. ETA: Chucki is right, it is also a coping mechanism.

 

The other is that we’ve seen the other scenerios...the abruptions where the baby died, the emergency C-sections where both Mom and baby died, the normal healthy pregnancy where the baby was born not breathing for some unknown reason. All with horrible emotional impact for the survivors and the medical professionals. When you’ve been there for those events seeing an outcome where both mom and baby survive and are apparently doing well physically can sometimes be all we focus on.

 

You are absolutely right that being thrilled to have a healthy baby can coexist with feelings that the birth was traumatic and painful. We could probably do a better job in the medical world of being more empathetic about that.

 

:grouphug:I’m so sorry you had to witness this event especially as someone who is pregnant.

[stripe]

Thanks for the hugs and I'm sure the mom and family could use prayers. I do wonder about her. Was she a young single mom? Was that why she was with her mom? I heard no mention of a father.

Maybe, but I went to prenatal appts with my mom once, and frankly the father is irrelevant in an emergency situation, really. I am glad her mom was there to support her.

 

Of course the outcome was good and happy. That doesn't diminish the horror of the event though. It might be an every day event for those in the med field but I imagine the perspective is different whenever you are the one undergoing the procedure. If there is no thought or idea how that can be the case then I cannot relate and don't want to, tbh. To focus solely on the physical without any regard to the emotional is a very incomplete and inhumane look at healthcare.

 

You are so right.

[Soror]

Maybe, but I went to prenatal appts with my mom once, and frankly the father is irrelevant in an emergency situation, really. I am glad her mom was there to support her.

.

 

Her mom was calling people to come in after the fact and there was no mention of calling the father or him coming up, so I don't think there was one in the picture for her. At least I cannot imagine not at least calling dad in after the fact at least. Thank goodness her mom was there though. I would think that would be a comfort in such a situation, although I'm sure horrid for the mom was well.

[Twigs]

It is a coping mechanism. :grouphug::grouphug: I hope the rest of your pregnancy and the birth of your new baby is totally uneventful.

 

:iagree:

 

I think doctors and medical people can sometimes seem dismissive about the horror of events like this when there is a “good outcome†for two reasons. One is that even though it isn’t in anyway an every day event we are used to seeing more horrible things so it isn’t as shocking. ETA: Chucki is right, it is also a coping mechanism.

 

The other is that we’ve seen the other scenerios...the abruptions where the baby died, the emergency C-sections where both Mom and baby died, the normal healthy pregnancy where the baby was born not breathing for some unknown reason. All with horrible emotional impact for the survivors and the medical professionals. When you’ve been there for those events seeing an outcome where both mom and baby survive and are apparently doing well physically can sometimes be all we focus on.

 

You are absolutely right that being thrilled to have a healthy baby can coexist with feelings that the birth was traumatic and painful. We could probably do a better job in the medical world of being more empathetic about that.

 

:grouphug:I’m so sorry you had to witness this event especially as someone who is pregnant.

 

:iagree:

 

:grouphug: I'm so sorry you had this experience. This was a traumatic event for you and your husband, not just for the mom. You might want to consider getting some counseling if you are still disturbed. The mom may have gotten some drugs to lessen the effect for her, but you didn't.:grouphug:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I'm so sorry you had to to be present for all of that. :grouphug:

 

Prayers for that mom and her baby and her whole family.

[Denisemomof4]

I also don't understand lack of care or concern in situations like these. It disturbs me. I admittedly have a compassionate heart and have even counseled with two pastors on how to remove or detatch myself from the pain others suffer.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:All you can do now is prau for that woman and her baby, and take comfort in your own healthy pregnancy.

 

I can NOT imagine an unmedicated emergency c-section.

[PiCO]

First of all, how traumatizing for everyone at the OB's office that day! I'm so glad to hear the mom and baby should be fine.

 

To ease your mind about this...

 

I cannot get it out of my head of course being pregnant myself it seems even more unsettling. I am also greatly disturbed by a conversation I had with someone else irt the event. She said that likely the women wouldn't remember it anyway as they would drug her up. I told her it is still absolutely horrific regardless. Then she made a comment about well, wouldn't you do the same thing- ie have the emergency section. Of course I would but that doesn't make it any less scary and terrifying. I cannot fathom someone dismissing the trauma of the event, brushing it aside like she did. Then the whole idea that the lady would be given some kind of drug to make her forget- do they really do that? I wish I could remember the name she said. I don't see how that is ethical. It makes me feel disgust and anger to be honest. How can one not have anything but extreme empathy in a situation such as that? Do we really care so little for one another?

 

I think this sounds like someone is trying to make you feel better, because you're pregnant and had to witness a traumatic birth. Some people just don't know what to say, and "yes- how horrific" doesn't seem adequate. So they are trying to talk you into believing that everything will be hunky-dory for that poor woman, so you don't worry about that happening to you.

 

I don't think it's ever right to dismiss someone's trauma, but in the immediate aftermath of something like that it's difficult to know what to do.

 

Take care of yourself, and try not to dwell on negative thoughts. Can you send flowers to the woman in the hospital?

[Soror]

It is a coping mechanism. :grouphug::grouphug: I hope the rest of your pregnancy and the birth of your new baby is totally uneventful.

I'm sure they have to do different things to survive emotionally in their own way. For those they treat though I think it is not good to lose your humanity in that regard and remember each patient is an individual. You cannot dismiss the fact that it is painful.

 

I do sincerely hope that those around her support her well. I hope they do not tell her the only thing that matters is a healthy baby. If med professionals have to dismiss it as a coping mechanism surely they can understand that is a psychological response to a need, which will be even stronger for those directly impacted. I think the way in which we treat people in situations like this only serves to make the trauma worse.

 

We are not allowed to be sad in our culture or upset. We ignore it and it is supposed to go away. I've always felt so sad when I've read about the birth trauma of others, when I've heard women talk about others ignoring their pain and making them feel guilt for even having it when the outcome was "good." I just feel totally heartbroken and enraged thinking about it now though.

 

I appreciate the well wishes. I've been so blessed that I've had wonderful labors and births. I wish that was the case for all women :(

[In the Rain]

:grouphug: It sounds horrific. :grouphug:

[stripe]

We are not allowed to be sad in our culture or upset. We ignore it and it is supposed to go away. I've always felt so sad when I've read about the birth trauma of others, when I've heard women talk about others ignoring their pain and making them feel guilt for even having it when the outcome was "good." I just feel totally heartbroken and enraged thinking about it now though.

 

I totally agree with you. It's not good to lose oneself in grief permanently, but I think it's important to focus on it for a short period and acknowledge it. Barbara Ehrenreich's book Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America is really really interesting, and resonated with me.

 

Her mom was calling people to come in after the fact and there was no mention of calling the father or him coming up, so I don't think there was one in the picture for her. At least I cannot imagine not at least calling dad in after the fact at least. Thank goodness her mom was there though. I would think that would be a comfort in such a situation, although I'm sure horrid for the mom was well.

 

Or else he's deployed or unreachable, but either way, it's important she have other support people to care for her.

[Murphy101]

I posted on here that my last birth was a c section with nothing but lidocaine. At a hospital. And yes, my dh said I wasn't actually screaming but I sounded like the most god awful siren from hell going off and everyone for quite some distance in the hospital could hear me.

 

I remember every single detail. Vividly.

 

What you need to take from this is not fear about your birth, but certain knowledge that when the going gets tough, you can handle whatever comes your way. Because there really isn't an acceptable option B.

[brehon]

I also don't understand lack of care or concern in situations like these. It disturbs me. I admittedly have a compassionate heart and have even counseled with two pastors on how to remove or detatch myself from the pain others suffer.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:All you can do now is prau for that woman and her baby, and take comfort in your own healthy pregnancy.

 

I can NOT imagine an unmedicated emergency c-section.

 

But how do you know there was a lack of concern and care? Chucki and Alice have already explained a few of the reasons why it might seem that medical people don't care; but, I know from my professional experience that most care very deeply. We wouldn't do what we do if we didn't care. More importantly we *couldn't* do our jobs if we constantly wore our hearts on our sleeves.

 

I think PiCO is right; someone was trying to make soror and her dh feel better after what was a traumatic event for everyone in the office. S/he probably just didn't know exactly what to say and bungled it.

 

Soror, I hope you're feeling a little better today.

[Mommyof4ks]

First of all, how traumatizing for everyone at the OB's office that day! I'm so glad to hear the mom and baby should be fine.

 

To ease your mind about this...

 

 

 

I think this sounds like someone is trying to make you feel better, because you're pregnant and had to witness a traumatic birth. Some people just don't know what to say, and "yes- how horrific" doesn't seem adequate. So they are trying to talk you into believing that everything will be hunky-dory for that poor woman, so you don't worry about that happening to you.

 

I don't think it's ever right to dismiss someone's trauma, but in the immediate aftermath of something like that it's difficult to know what to do.

 

Take care of yourself, and try not to dwell on negative thoughts. Can you send flowers to the woman in the hospital?

 

:iagree: Nurses are taught to stay calm and keep other patients calm even in very scary situations. She was likely just trying to reassure you. I am sure in the arsenal of meds out there something can make that poor women forget, but I am not sure how you will. :( I am still totally shocked that that happened at all. Is the hospital not close to the clinic? Emergencies at our clinic were sent straight next door to the hospital. I am not sure what would be done now that the hospital is 20 minutes away. It sounds like they need another plan.:grouphug:

[Soror]

I posted on here that my last birth was a c section with nothing but lidocaine. At a hospital. And yes, my dh said I wasn't actually screaming but I sounded like the most god awful siren from hell going off and everyone for quite some distance in the hospital could hear me.

 

I remember every single detail. Vividly.

 

What you need to take from this is not fear about your birth, but certain knowledge that when the going gets tough, you can handle whatever comes your way. Because there really isn't an acceptable option B.

 

I'm sorry you went through that, and your dh. :(

 

I don't have fear for myself. I do realize that like anyone else I would get through the moment the best I could. I feel empathy and sorrow for her and what she experienced. I have hope that she will heal well on all fronts.

 

I remember after our house burned, which happened 2 days before dd1 birth. I remember I didn't stop to feel hurt from that for months later. We just did what had to be done, that of course was dramatically less traumatic though.

 

I do not think all med professionals are callous but certainly some are. I hope that the care she received from everyone was top notch. I know my ob and I trust that he did nothing less than an excellent job, his bedside manner is fabulous as well.

[Soror]

:iagree: Nurses are taught to stay calm and keep other patients calm even in very scary situations. She was likely just trying to reassure you.

 

It was not a med professional that said this but a friend/acquaintance. Her mom is an ob nurse. I don't take it that it was to ease my pain as she didn't acknowledge in anyway that I might find it troublesome. I did hear the nurses saying that she would likely just forget. They weren't speaking to me though. The nurses station was right outside the exam room we were in, so we heard nearly every detail. The office was fairly close to the hospital but evidently not close enough in this situation. Sometimes there just isn't any time though, evidently as Martha stated, even sometimes there is not enough even in the hospital. Dh and I didn't really discuss it with the staff though. I wasn't freaking out then or now. Dh and I were tearful in the midst but we weren't crying. When you know such a thing is happening and you hear screams of pain I think most would feel some sorrow. We went out of the office joking and laughing as we usually do and haven't dwelled on it but I have discussed it.

Edited October 29, 2012 by soror

[Parrothead]

I'm sure they have to do different things to survive emotionally in their own way. For those they treat though I think it is not good to lose your humanity in that regard and remember each patient is an individual. You cannot dismiss the fact that it is painful.

Sounds like there are several things going on. I doubt anyone dismissed the pain. Anyone with half a brain knows that what she went through was beyond awful.

 

Those people who make a career in medical fields, public service (cops, EMTs, firefighters) or military have to have a different mindset than the general public. They see some pretty horrendous things day in and day out. I'm not going to drudge up memories to share as examples. I'm sure anyone reading this can figure it out on their own.

 

In order to continue doing what it is they do so others don't have to their brains have to focus on the outcome or in some way find the good. That does not make them less human. It probably makes them more human. Sadly those who can't find that focus often turn to alcohol or drugs in order to not relive the incidents day after day.

 

Also we count on these people to be there, to be our rocks in hideous situations. You aren't going to find seasoned veterans in any of the above fields broken down in a sobbing mass of emotion. They will save that for when they get home. With luck they have someone they can turn to instead of turning to a bottle. Please don't ever think they are inhumane. They simply do what has to be done when others won't or can't.

 

You and your dh experienced a very traumatic thing. Even though it was not you that it happened to it very easily could have been. Perhaps you should consider a session or two with a professional to help you work through what you witnessed.

As for the person who dismissed your concerns, I can only speculate that what she said would have satisfied 99% of the population. Most people don't like to think to hard.

 

I do sincerely hope that those around her support her well. I hope they do not tell her the only thing that matters is a healthy baby. If med professionals have to dismiss it as a coping mechanism surely they can understand that is a psychological response to a need, which will be even stronger for those directly impacted. I think the way in which we treat people in situations like this only serves to make the trauma worse.

I'm not even sure what you are getting at here. I'm sure the lady's family will support her. I'm sure her doctor and the staff at the medical center will do all they can for her. I don't know it for a fact but I'm certain there could be a mental health counselor available for her and her family if they want one.

 

I'm not even sure what it was that you think is being dismissed.

 

We are not allowed to be sad in our culture or upset. We ignore it and it is supposed to go away. I've always felt so sad when I've read about the birth trauma of others, when I've heard women talk about others ignoring their pain and making them feel guilt for even having it when the outcome was "good." I just feel totally heartbroken and enraged thinking about it now though.

I must not be coming from the same place you are. Sure we are allowed to be sad. I don't think anyone wants to wallow in it. Life moves forward at a pretty quick pace. We have people like Joanne who are trained to help us through our sadness, our grief, and our misery.

 

I do agree that women still have to fight to be heard when it comes to a great number of things. It does go much further beyond women's rights.

 

I appreciate the well wishes. I've been so blessed that I've had wonderful labors and births. I wish that was the case for all women :(

If you are still really dwelling on this event after a few days, I urge you go to to a counselor. :grouphug:

[Murphy101]

I obviously don't know about her, but whether it was just out of fear of a lawsuit or whatever, the staff was exceptionally kind to me after that birth. No one was crying or whatever, but then again, *I* didn't cry either and they are professionals. I was annoyingly needy with dh. Which was difficult bc truth be known, I think he was far more traumatized by it than I was. Which left me very conflicted bc otoh, I truly felt bad for him and otoh it really pissed me off that he seemed more upset than me sometimes. He cried more than I did! I got fed up with him at one point and sent him home with orders to pull himself together bc I was just too dang tired, sore and busy nursing a newborn to handle anyone's pity party. yeah, not one my shining wife moments. :(

 

It was over the following months that slowly I had the time to absorb all the emotions, both mine and his. It's just too much too soon in the midst of a newborn to handle that too.

[Soror]

Oh, and perhaps irony to some and to others not. That was my last visit to the OB as he is my back-up for the MW. I'm all clear for a hb by his account. I'll approach this birth as I have the others.

[Soror]

If you are still really dwelling on this event after a few days, I urge you go to to a counselor. :grouphug:

 

Chucki I cannot get the quote to work right. I don't know how the situation was from her perspective. I just know that I've heard others say in similar situations that they were dismissed. I've heard too many stories of mothers that experienced different forms of birth trauma that they were told that they should just be happy for a healthy baby and get on with it. I was just stating that I hope that isn't the case for her. As I also said though I do know my OB and have no reason to think that her care from him was nothing but fabulous on all fronts. As someone else mentioned PPD can be more common as well so I hope she has lots of support. In an ideal world of course that is acknowledged and that is what happens but that just isn't always the case I just hope that is her experience.

 

Martha I think I would be similar as well. I've told dh when I'm upset at different times he's not allowed to be upset because sometimes you just don't have time to be upset. Sometimes you aren't ready for it. Sometimes you just need someone there, or at least that is the way I am. I like dh there as a quiet shoulder.

 

fwiw I don't consider it dwelling. It hasn't fallen out of my head yet. I would expect for most people it wouldn't. I can acknowledge my thoughts and feelings in regards to the situation I don't consider that a bad thing. It hasn't affected how I am coping with my own life or plans for my own birth in any way. I think feeling sorrow or pain for someone else is a normal thing. That is what I was getting at in an earlier post is that it seems that if we do that in our culture then we have to be sent for professional help. I do feel it a blessing whenever I am able to develop more empathy towards others in various situations. That is one of the great things about the internet that I've had my eyes opened to so many different people and their experiences. This situation was the same. I just process things differently, we all do. I'm a talker and a thinker.

Edited October 29, 2012 by soror

[Scarlett]

I posted on here that my last birth was a c section with nothing but lidocaine. At a hospital. And yes, my dh said I wasn't actually screaming but I sounded like the most god awful siren from hell going off and everyone for quite some distance in the hospital could hear me.

 

I remember every single detail. Vividly.

 

What you need to take from this is not fear about your birth, but certain knowledge that when the going gets tough, you can handle whatever comes your way. Because there really isn't an acceptable option B.

 

:eek: !!!!! I do not remember that!

 

That is crazy! But of course I'm glad both you and baby survived!

 

I do have compassion for the mom in this situaton...it is horrific. But what blows me away is the NURSE that has the courage to perform an emergency cs with no meds in an ultrasound room! Wow! She needs more credit.

 

And to Soror, when I was about 20 weeks pregnant a young girl I knew gave birth to a severally deformed and retarded baby....it was the worst story I had ever heard. The baby lived for about 2 years (which was predicted). I will never forget the physical reaction I had to the news. I was already experiencing a few scattered tacacardias, but that night after Bible services when the speaker asked God to be with the family and the baby....I thought I was having a heart attack. I couldn't breath and my heart was beating out of my chest. After that, for the rest of my pregnancy I had to be on that drug (name escapes me) for pregnancy induced tacacardia. I always wondered if it would have gotten that bad had I not heard that story about someone I knew personally.

 

So all of that to say when we are pregnant we are profoundly affected by bad birth stories. That is probably why your friend did not want to dwell on the bad parts of what you witnessed.

[Soror]

:eek: !!!!! I do not remember that!

 

That is crazy! But of course I'm glad both you and baby survived!

 

I do have compassion for the mom in this situaton...it is horrific. But what blows me away is the NURSE that has the courage to perform an emergency cs with no meds in an ultrasound room! Wow! She needs more credit.

 

And to Soror, when I was about 20 weeks pregnant a young girl I knew gave birth to a severally deformed and retarded baby....it was the worst story I had ever heard. The baby lived for about 2 years (which was predicted). I will never forget the physical reaction I had to the news. I was already experiencing a few scattered tacacardias, but that night after Bible services when the speaker asked God to be with the family and the baby....I thought I was having a heart attack. I couldn't breath and my heart was beating out of my chest. After that, for the rest of my pregnancy I had to be on that drug (name escapes me) for pregnancy induced tacacardia. I always wondered if it would have gotten that bad had I not heard that story about someone I knew personally.

 

So all of that to say when we are pregnant we are profoundly affected by bad birth stories. That is probably why your friend did not want to dwell on the bad parts of what you witnessed.

Scarlett- the OB performed the section NOT the nurse, she is just the one who moved me to the other room.

 

What a bad situation for that mom and baby :(

[Murphy101]

Oh I completely agree that birth trauma is dismissed. As long as your baby lived, quit your bellyaching is very much a wide spread sentiment.

 

Um no. It's not right to treat humans like meat on the block just because they are giving birth.:glare:

 

I'm just saying that I wouldn't assume everyone in medicine has that attitude.

 

If anything, I think it's worse and predominantly other women/mothers that perpetuate it.

[DianeW88]

So wait. Are you saying they did an e c/s WITHOUT pain meds first??? Can they do that??? :001_huh:

 

They can and they do...more often than you might think.

 

I'm a medical person, so I'm sure I perceive this event differently from you, but I would consider it a scary event with an ultimately good outcome. Yes, the Mom endured awful pain and fear for a few minutes, but very likely she is OK, and her baby as well. She may even have been traumatized emotionally, but I would be very hopeful that in the end, she will be able to remember the birth of her (future) healthy child as terrible, but ultimately lifesaving for him. ((hugs)) to you though. You must have been terrified :crying:

 

:iagree: You want to do all you can to ensure a healthy outcome for mom and baby. And in an emergency situation, you do all you can to make sure the patient is comfortable, but sometimes it's not possible to have a painless, completely anesthetized procedure. They will do all they can afterwords to make sure she recovers mentally and physically, but at the time of the procedure, it isn't the first priority.

[Parrothead]

Chucki I cannot get the quote to work right. I don't know how the situation was from her perspective. I just know that I've heard others say in similar situations that they were dismissed. I've heard too many stories of mothers that experienced different forms of birth trauma that they were told that they should just be happy for a healthy baby and get on with it. I was just stating that I hope that isn't the case for her. As I also said though I do know my OB and have no reason to think that her care from him was nothing but fabulous on all fronts. As someone else mentioned PPD can be more common as well so I hope she has lots of support. In an ideal world of course that is acknowledged and that is what happened but that just isn't always the case I just hope that is the case for her as well.

I do agree with you on this front. We women as a whole still have lots and lots of educating to do on what we need and want from others during and after birth.

 

Martha I think I would be similar as well. I've told dh when I'm upset at different times he's not allowed to be upset because sometimes you just don't have time to be upset. Sometimes you aren't ready for it. Sometimes you just need someone there, or at least that is the way I am. I like dh there as a quiet shoulder.

 

fwiw I don't consider it dwelling. It hasn't fallen out of my head yet. I would expect for most people it wouldn't. I can acknowledge my thoughts and feelings in regards to the situation I don't consider that a bad thing. It hasn't affected how I am coping with my own life or plans for my own birth in any way. I think feeling sorrow or pain for someone else is a normal thing. That is what I was getting at in an earlier post is that it seems that if we do that in our culture then we have to be sent for professional help.

There are healthy thoughts and feelings of empathy that many of us feel for others who have survived a traumatic event. Then there are others who do no have healthy thoughts and feelings. And in our culture we do send them for professional help because history has shown us that not getting help can lead these people down a very dark and disturbing road.

 

Hopefully you'll be able to talk it out here and IRL and be just fine. But maybe the pregnant lady across the hall isn't doing so well after witnessing the same thing you did. We can only remind people that help is available if needed.

Edited October 29, 2012 by Parrothead