do you have younger friends?

[HappyLady]

I'm starting to meet other homeschooling moms (and moms from other groups I've joined) online and I'm starting to realize I'm the "older" mom. :glare: When these ladies say "I have a child who's 4....2.... etc" I think, "Great! Me too!" So I reach out to them and we chat online and talk about getting together. Now I'm nervous because I'm 38 and most of these ladies are early to mid 20s. Is it possible to become friends, or even tolerate each other's company enough so that our children can become friends and have playdates?

 

Just curious if any of you "older" moms have younger friends and how that all works. :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm 48. I have friends who are in their 20's and 30's. (I also have friends who range in age from 80's to 40's). With any friend I share what we have in common. With my older friends it is usually things other than children because many of them are out of that stage, though often they still remember what it was like. With younger friends it is often children because our kids are the same age but can also be music, similar hobbies, books, our faith etc. We chat easily while our kids play.

[freeindeed]

I'm 37 and one of my dearest friends is 28. We get along beautifully, but unfortunately she is about to move 15 hours away from me.:(:(

But, yes, you can truly be good friends with younger women.

[Dory]

I'm not usually the older one in those friendships, I'm usually the younger one. Although, I'm sure that will change with time:tongue_smilie:. I have never had a problem being the younger person in a friendship. I always have found it a little strange that everyone loves when kids of all ages can enjoy being together, and yet adults wants to group into similar age groups. One of my closest friends is almost the same age as my mom. Although she's 10hrs away from me so maybe that's why we do just fine.

Edited September 9, 2012 by Dory

[Sarah CB]

I'm starting to meet other homeschooling moms (and moms from other groups I've joined) online and I'm starting to realize I'm the "older" mom. :glare: When these ladies say "I have a child who's 4....2.... etc" I think, "Great! Me too!" So I reach out to them and we chat online and talk about getting together. Now I'm nervous because I'm 38 and most of these ladies are early to mid 20s. Is it possible to become friends, or even tolerate each other's company enough so that our children can become friends and have playdates?

 

Just curious if any of you "older" moms have younger friends and how that all works. :)

 

Well, for many years I've been the younger friend. Many of my friends are 10 or more years older than I am. Honestly, it doesn't seem to be an issue. Dh (who is seven years older than I am) has mostly older friends as well.

 

I really hope that my friends have done more than tolerate my company. Maybe I'm naive, but I always thought that the age of the child was more important than the age of the parent. When you've gone through the same stages and challenges (and joys) of parenting there are a lot of commonalities that you share regardless of the parental age. In a lot of ways I've felt older than moms I've met who have younger kids and have been homeschooling less time than I have.

[beaners]

Is it possible to become friends, or even tolerate each other's company enough so that our children can become friends and have playdates?

 

 

Absolutely, but it's going to be harder if that's the attitude you go into it with. ;)

[Sarah CB]

I'm not usually the older one in those friendships, I'm usually the younger one. Although, I'm sure that will change with time:tongue_smilie:. I have never had a problem being the younger person in a friendship. I always have found it a little strange that everyone loves when kids of all ages can enjoy being together, and yet adults wants to group into similar age groups. One of my closest friends is almost the same age as my mom.

 

:iagree: We probably spend more time with my neighbours than with anyone else and they're *older* than my mom! We love getting together for dinner or just for a chat at the end of the day.

[carriede]

I'm 27 and am friends with upper 30s-40s moms through my church, playgroups and such.

 

If your personalities click, age really doesn't matter. :)

[Murphy101]

I have no idea. I'm 38 and all my friends are older. I'll have a cup of coffee/tea/ conversation with just about anyone. And I don't mind answering questions about schooling or home management with a large family, which seems to be the younger woman's primary interest in me. But beyond that, we tend to be in very different life stages and I guess that can make finding common ground to build a friendship on more difficult. To top it off, I'm being consumed by the demands of teens and infants and middlers at this point in life and that makes friend time hard to come by these days.

[lea_lpz]

I'm a younger mom, and felt like moms in general were much older than I when I first became a mother at 22, but then I lived a large metropolitan city so because of the cost of living most of the women were professional women and waited to become mothers until their careers were my established so they could afford a family in the city. I didn't have any plans per se when we had our first :lol:. When we moved to the suberbs, I found women closer in age to myself, but I have developed friendships with older moms as well. One of my good friends in her early 40's and I am 28. She laughs because her stepson is the same age as me. However, when I first became a mom, it did feel awkward to befriend moms who were older because my interests at that time seemed a lot more different, but as I've grown into my role as a mother more, I don't think it makes much of a difference anymore. I think I started feeling this way at around 25.

[HappyLady]

Absolutely, but it's going to be harder if that's the attitude you go into it with. ;)

 

Sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound that way. :lol: When I was younger I always had friends of all ages. I actually always preferred my older friends. It wasn't until I had kids that I noticed the new people I'm around tend to only have friends of the same ages so I wasn't sure if that just happened when you had kids or not.

[Murphy101]

Sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound that way. :lol: When I was younger I always had friends of all ages. I actually always preferred my older friends. It wasn't until I had kids that I noticed the new people I'm around tend to only have friends of the same ages so I wasn't sure if that just happened when you had kids or not.

 

Yes. Same as once you are married, you tend to gravitate more to other couples. Not that you won't stay or become friends with single people. Just a common feather flocking thing.:)

[Crimson Wife]

When my oldest was little I was the "young" mom because I was in my mid-20's and nearly all the other moms were in the mid-30's and up. Now that I'm in my mid-30's, I'm typical for moms of my youngest child's age but weird in that I also have a 'tween.

 

Nearly all of my high school and college friends have kids 5 & under, and most of them have babies & toddlers.

[Mommyof4ks]

I am on the other end. I am 33, and most of my friends are in their 40s. We started earlier and they started later. It is not a big deal at all.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Yep. I didn't have my first until I was almost 34. So, many of the moms I met through my kids' preschool are anywhere from 5-12 years younger than I am, but we are great friends. I'm finding the homeschool moms that I click with are more in my age range, though.

[Ellie]

I have friends of all ages. I'm a good homeschooler. :D

 

I do have fewer friends with young children, though.

[Soror]

My best friends are older, other friends tend to be about the same age. I have one friend that is quite a bit younger. Our kids may be the same age but we don't necessarily have everything else in common.

[mybluesky]

I'm 44 and my youngest is 5, and I definitely feel like the older mom at events geared towards 5-year-olds. That said, one of my closest friends is at least 10 years younger than me, and we click SO well. I may have lived a few years longer, and I do have tweens/teens and she doesn't, but she and I approach the world in so much the same way. We are both introspective and love to bounce ideas off each other. No two people's lives are exactly the same, and I think for us age is just one of the things that is different but totally not an issue.

[Georgiana Daniels]

In real life my closer friends are around my age (I don't actually have a lot of real life friends, though.) But I have a friend I met online through my writers group that has become one of my very best friends ever, and she's 28 while I am 40.

 

It's really more about what you have in common than age.

[PeacefulChaos]

I'm starting to meet other homeschooling moms (and moms from other groups I've joined) online and I'm starting to realize I'm the "older" mom. :glare: When these ladies say "I have a child who's 4....2.... etc" I think, "Great! Me too!" So I reach out to them and we chat online and talk about getting together. Now I'm nervous because I'm 38 and most of these ladies are early to mid 20s. Is it possible to become friends, or even tolerate each other's company enough so that our children can become friends and have playdates?

 

Just curious if any of you "older" moms have younger friends and how that all works. :)

 

I'm not an 'older' mom (I'll be 30 in November) but I'm right in the middle of my range of friends. My two closest friends are not my age - one is 5 years younger than me (SIL) and the other is probably 5 years older? (I'm not actually 100% sure of her age! Gah! :lol: )

I've found that as an adult age really doesn't matter. We find people whose company we enjoy and we have a great time with them regardless of age.

[TranquilMind]

I'm starting to meet other homeschooling moms (and moms from other groups I've joined) online and I'm starting to realize I'm the "older" mom. :glare: When these ladies say "I have a child who's 4....2.... etc" I think, "Great! Me too!" So I reach out to them and we chat online and talk about getting together. Now I'm nervous because I'm 38 and most of these ladies are early to mid 20s. Is it possible to become friends, or even tolerate each other's company enough so that our children can become friends and have playdates?

 

Just curious if any of you "older" moms have younger friends and how that all works. :)

 

Yes, that is really all I have. It is nice when I connect with a woman my own age. The younger ones have kids that are the ages of my kids, which is how we became friends. But older ones have done the caretaker thing, buried parents, and gone through menopause - all incidents to which the younger ones cannot yet relate.

[Crimson Wife]

Yes, that is really all I have. It is nice when I connect with a woman my own age. The younger ones have kids that are the ages of my kids, which is how we became friends. But older ones have done the caretaker thing, buried parents, and gone through menopause - all incidents to which the younger ones cannot yet relate.

 

Yeah, it's a bit weird when I'm with a group of moms who have kids my oldest child's age and they're talking about things that are more relevant to my own mom (who is 59) than to me. :tongue_smilie:My dad's college roommate has kids who are only 1 & 3 years older than my oldest. Now his wife is a few years younger than the husband, but she's still of my parents' generation rather than mine.

[Denisemomof4]

Age really has nothing to do with any of my friendships. If we get along well and enjoy each other, that is all that matters. I am friends with the only babysitter my kids ever had. She is now 28, I am 49. I stayed with her recently while driving through her town. She tells everyone I am her favorite person. Her dh, same age as her, is an absolute DOLL. I ADORE him.

 

I honestly love having friends who are older. I have always loved the company of older women. At present I have no older women friends.

[jasar31629]

Not much yet, but I can see the seasons changing. All of my friends are 5-20yrs older than myself...I married and had my dd young. It's been tough at times- feeling like dh and I don't fit in anywhere. I'm starting to see moms my age more and more now though...their kids are younger than dd, so our paths don't cross much right now.

[Bluegoat]

A few, but I have become friends with a number of older moms.

 

When I was living rurally, I became friends with a group or rug hookers. I was about 30, they ranged from about 50 to 90.

[Kathryn]

I have been the younger one my whole life--still am. I thought I'd be getting past that now in my 30s, but it hasn't happened yet. Anyway, I have friends of all ages, and I don't think age has anything to do with getting along with each other.

[elegantlion]

Dh was 37 and I was 30 when ds was born. We always found it hard to click with younger parents, there was usually something off. We weren't trying to have more kids, we had our own business, dh grew up in the 70s:tongue_smilie:, it was just harder. We did find another couple who is almost one year younger than us, dh, dw, and ds. Then we moved.

 

One of my dear friends is nearly half my age. She's single and we used to hang out a lot. She and I would go to the movies a lot. Then I moved, then she moved. Her mother was about my dh's age and was very vocal to her dd about her dislike of homeschooling. My friend always defended me. :D The other couple that we ran around with was not married, and not much older than her. They also moved, so now we're spread out across the country.

 

I like hanging around people in their 20s and 30s. They are hopeful. I don't feel that a lot lately and maybe that's why. I need to find some younger friends here.

Edited September 9, 2012 by elegantlion

[dbmamaz]

I'm 47 and most of the homeschoolers I meet are younger than I am. But i dont have 'close' friends at all . . never have much. I enjoy the company of the women i meet at home school events. We mostly talk about parenting and such. ok, yes, when a mom is 15 years younger than I am and has one 5 year old and is so worried about everything (or, alternatively, think she knows everything), i sometimes lose my patience, but thats ok. There is one homeschooling mom who I am fb friends with and see in person at events occasionally who has said i'm about the same age as her mom . . . ok, that gets old. But she posts interesting stuff and she's basically a nice person, so whatever.

[mytwomonkeys]

sure, i have friends of all ages. i imagine if i had a preschool aged child, most of the moms would be younger. i'm 41 and a lot of people my age have older kids. i didn't have my first child until 30 though. i never think in terms of age really & focus more on interests that connect us. i don't care if i'm the older mom. it's fine. i'm still "cool", lol :D

[LucyStoner]

I gave birth just shy of 23 in a city where seemingly most new moms were 35+. I can count on my fingers the number of married middle class moms I met who were still in their 20s. I made lots of mom friends who were nearly old enough to be my mom. It was/is just fine. I am 32 now and our friends from college are just starting their own families. Our closest friends that we have made since parent hood were in their early-mid 30s when our oldest kids were born 6 months apart, so they are early-40s now (the husband is 4 years older than the wife.) I have one good friend whose son was a few years older than mine and she was 47 or 48 when he was born. She is turning 60 this year and she is very special to me. I now also have friends who are 21-25. For me, age does not need to be a barrier to friendship.

 

The only older moms I met and was turned off by were the ones who kept saying over and over again how young we were and how they never could have handled a child at that age. So long as they didn't treat me like a child having a child, we were good. I assume it also helped that I never dwelled on their age or said "you're as old as my mom." there were lots of times it was assumed I was the nanny. People even tried to hire me at the park when they saw how I played with my son. I was like "um, this is MY child!"

Edited September 9, 2012 by kijipt

[Garga]

You can be friends with people of all ages! It's best when you're in the same stage in life (kids the same ages) or you have some other thing in common like that.

 

I have friends who are younger and recently made friends with an older couple in their 60s. (I'm 39.) I love it! Each generation (older or younger) brings a new perspective to the table and it makes for great conversation.

[abbeyej]

My "mom" friends often have *kids* close to my *kids'* ages -- but our ages can range quite a bit. Because I had kids early, many of my friends tend to be older. I remember when a friend and I discovered that she was twice my age -- but our kids were the same. :) We still really enjoyed each others' friendship!

[The Girls' Mom]

*I* am always the younger friend in relationships. Most of the people we know with kids the same age as ours are around 10 years older. I entered a the workforce at a rather professional place of business at 16. I'm so thankful that the women in my life didn't pass me over as a friend because I was so much younger. I have had some wonderful relationships with people 10, 15, and 20+ years older than myself, and have learned so much.

[Kari C in SC]

My kids are spread way out in age. I had my first at 16 and my last at 32. When I first started homeschooling it was with my first kid when he was in 5th grade. At the time - I was 27. ALL of the moms I formed friendships with at that point were about 10 years older than me. At the time, we lived in FL. We moved to SC a year after our oldest graduated. When I started reaching out to homeschoolers here - my kids were 10 and 4. Now, nearly all of my friends are 5-10 years younger than me. I joke that I was the young mom in FL, but the old mom here. I find that they are all my amazing friends regardless of our age difference. We all love each other for who we are not what our birth certificate says.

[Shawneinfl]

I'm 50 and my youngest is 6. Yes, I have lots of younger friends. I was so excited last year when I met a 48 yo mom with a 5 yo daughter. We hang out together a lot now.

[laundrycrisis]

When I was a younger woman in my 20s, single and childless, I enjoyed the friendship of older women, whether they were married, divorced, or never married, mothers or without children. The "mom friends" I have made since I have married and had children have almost all been younger than me, because I had children at an older age. The ladies I meet who are my age all have teens, while our oldest is only nine. I enjoy their thoughts on their experience parenting through ages I have not yet reached with our own children. I have also enjoyed the wisdom and experience of women older than me whose children are grown. As long as we have some views in common, it all works, regardless of age.

[*********]

Well, I don't really consider myself an 'older' mom since I'm 34. But I girlfriends from ages 24 to 40. So yeah, I think it's very possible to have both younger and older friends.

[redsquirrel]

I have friends of all ages. I had my kids in my mid 30s. Now I am in my mid forties and have a couple friends just hitting 30. For almost 10 years I have belonged to a church women's group and I am youngest one. We have had a couple members die at rather advanced ages. I am generally the same age or a little younger than their daughters.

 

As to how it 'works'..well.. it works like pretty much any other friendships. We like to hang out and we enjoy each other.

 

I never really thought about our age differences. I appreciate our different experiences. I am not really sure what else to add, because age isn't really an issue. Should it be?

 

My old job was very much a mixed group in terms of age. I started as the baby of the office but that change pretty quickly. Half the people there were old enough to be my parents and the other half were the age of my younger siblings and cousins. I don't remember it being much of a discussion point.

[higginszoo]

I have younger friends (born since I graduated from high school -- one is homeschooling this year :eek: ), I also have older friends -- some of their dc are close to my age, while they might also have dc the same age as my dc (one friend like this who I have right now is homeschooling her granddaughter). I have friends near my own age who have grandkids, and others the same age who are just having their first child. It's kind of an interesting place to be. (I'm 40, BTW).

 

Last year, I remember being shocked at how much younger than me my Brownies' moms were. This year, we have a bigger, more diverse, group, so there are other moms closer to my age, as well as a few younger moms as well. I think we're all going to get along just fine.

[eternalknot]

I gave birth just shy of 23 in a city where seemingly most new moms were 35+. I can count on my fingers the number of married middle class moms I met who were still in their 20s. I made lots of mom friends who were nearly old enough to be my mom. It was/is just fine. I am 32 now and our friends from college are just starting their own families. Our closest friends that we have made since parent hood were in their early-mid 30s when our oldest kids were born 6 months apart, so they are early-40s now (the husband is 4 years older than the wife.) I have one good friend whose son was a few years older than mine and she was 47 or 48 when he was born. She is turning 60 this year and she is very special to me. I now also have friends who are 21-25. For me, age does not need to be a barrier to friendship.

 

The only older moms I met and was turned off by were the ones who kept saying over and over again how young we were and how they never could have handled a child at that age. So long as they didn't treat me like a child having a child, we were good. I assume it also helped that I never dwelled on their age or said "you're as old as my mom." there were lots of times it was assumed I was the nanny. People even tried to hire me at the park when they saw how I played with my son. I was like "um, this is MY child!"

 

This is a lot like my own experience, down to the nanny part :lol: The majority of parent-friends I have and met via our kids tend to be 15+ years older than I am. This past weekend we celebrated the 40th wedding anniversary of one of my closest friends; we met nine years ago when our boys played sports together. I'm closer in age to 30 than to 40, so they were married for years before I was even born!! LOVE them. They also say they keep forgetting how young I am. The reverse is true, I keep forgetting they're closer in age to my parents than they are to me!

 

Definitely no hindrance. Maturity might be, but ... that's not relative to age, always.

[6packofun]

I'm usually the youngest mom of the moms with teens, BUT I also have an 11yo and 6yo, too. I tend to hang out with younger moms because the women who are in my stage of life with teens are in their mid-late 40s or early 50s and we have little in common. They seem sort of boring to me, I hate to say, although I do enjoy their company from time to time. lol (I'm 40.)

 

I think I can also relate to younger moms and wives because we've never been settled financially and bought a home, etc. I've got an 18yo and I'm still waiting for my starter home. LOL Other moms my age are so much better off and it can be hard to relate when the expectation is there to just pick up and do stuff (i.e. spend money, go to lunch, etc.) because the kids are all in school.

 

I've always been "in between", kwim?

[JenC3]

In my day to day life, not including out of state friends, I have 2 friends that are within a yr of my age and the rest are 6 or more years yonger than I am. I'm getting close to 40 (5 mo) and they are all early to mid 30's. Dh's closest friend right now is 28 and dh is 43!

[SKL]

Honestly, no, I don't have many mom friends at all. But that could be because I'm 45 (with 5yos), single, working full-time, and an introvert. :D I don't seem to have much in common with anyone else.

 

I do get along well with my sister who is 32 and has two tots.

[nd293]

Dh is 7 yrs older than I am - it seems strange to me to worry about 'peer grouping' amongst adults! There is 6 yrs between dd and ds, and I often find that ds's friends are first children with mothers much younger than I am. Age itself doesn't bother me - I tend to be pretty picky about who I get close to anyway, so I can't afford to worry about age too! I was once friendly with a very young mother, and she had had a friend with whom she had a lot in common 'break up with her' when the older woman discovered the large difference in their ages. The older mother was quite open about being uncomfortable with being friends with a very much younger woman. Very strange, especially as we were in a community where finding women with similar (attachment parenting) interests could be difficult.

[MindyD]

Of course you can be friends! I'm younger than my best friend. She has two daughters out of high school, and her youngest is the same age and best friends with my oldest. Age doesn't matter. it's personality, interests, and commonalities. :001_smile: