OK, WWYD?

[Impish]

Ick.

 

MIL's best friend, the one that reported her missing, and MIL named as next of kin on hospital documents (nowhere was Wolf or his cousin that shares power of attny listed :glare:) has gotten the misguided notion that b/c I spoke to her in trying to locate MIL, we're now friends.

 

This bf, I've come to find out, got herself named as executrix of a family member's will, and screwed everyone over so badly that none of her extended fam will have anything to do w/her anymore (Wolf's cousin that shares POA knows her and her history).

 

I've talked to her a grand total of 2x. Frankly, I don't WANT anything to do w/her. I have my hands full w/MIL, without adding another nutbunny to the roster.

 

She called yesterday, to inform me that we share a birthday, wish me a happy birthday, and then rambled a bit, adding, "I'm sure we'll meet face to face soon." on the vm. Called 2x more.

 

Uh. Not if I have anything to say about it, babe.

 

How do I deal w/this? Just keep ignoring her calls, and hope she gets the point? Answer, and say...what? "Please don't call again, I'm not interested in a relationship"? Tell MIL to tell her bestie to back off?

 

Is this typical behaviour of older/elderly ppl? They talk to someone twice and now they're bffs? Or is it just the nutbunnies I attract?

[Hwin]

I think it's all in that last sentence. :/

[Impish]

Great.

 

*headdesk*

[LaxMom]

I think it's all in that last sentence. :/

 

Yup. Nutbunnies beget nutbunnies. There is no shock the your MIL's BFF has boundary issues. Well, ok, I would be shocked if the same thing happened to me, but from Normalville, it looks like a cultural issue.

[Kathryn]

I'd try ignoring the calls to see if that works. If she doesn't take the hint then I might just say I'm not looking for a relationship. Not saying that's easy!

 

That's what I'd do too.

[Impish]

Yeah, I'm ignoring the calls. I can predict that it won't be enough, though, and MIL will want to know why I'm not cuddling up to her bestie.

 

*sigh*

[Avila]

Not much to add. But I love the word nutbunnies. :D

[LaxMom]

Just make up some lame excuse. Like you are just too busy for friendships at this time.

 

I hate overbearing pushy people. And I'm like a magnet for these type of people for some reason.

 

I am, too. It's like a beacon only crazies can see. It seems to draw them for miles. :glare:

[clementine]

Not much to add. But I love the word nutbunnies. :D

 

Coming here to say the same thing. Weird situation, but that term gave me my morning smile!!

 

:D

[Impish]

What it boils down to, is that I'm exhausted.

 

Emotionally and physically. I'm just done.

[LaxMom]

Yes, well, all the more reason, then, to just let her talk to your voice mail and refuse to engage. :grouphug:

[blessed3x]

Not much to add. But I love the word nutbunnies. :D

 

:iagree:

 

And, thanks for the giggles that came with 'nutbunnies'. I needed them this morning. ;)

 

((HUGS)) for your situation though.

[Catwoman]

Yeah, I'm ignoring the calls. I can predict that it won't be enough, though, and MIL will want to know why I'm not cuddling up to her bestie.

 

You're already trying to avoid your MIL at all costs, so now you'll be listening for two different voices before you answer the phone.

 

All in all, it shouldn't be that much additional effort for you.

 

This woman is absolutely nothing to you. Ignore her calls and if you accidentally pick up the phone and it's her, just say you're too busy to talk and oh gosh, who just spilled the grape juice, I've gotta hang up right now.

 

Don't stress over this woman for even a moment. You have more important things to stress over, like not accidentally picking up the phone when your MIL calls. ;)

 

Sorry you have attracted another wackadoodle, but I wouldn't doubt that it's because this woman is trying to see if your mom has any money she can swindle, and she wants to get another family member to trust her and think she's a nice person.

 

Lucky you. You are the Chosen One. :glare:

 

What a pain for you. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Canadianmumof5]

Isn't there a way to block the numbers of the nutbunnies (:lol:) so that you don't even see it/know when they call?? I think you can block up to 5 people for free here.......not sure if it is the same out west?

[Hikin' Mama]

Take what I say with a grain of salt, 'cause I don't actually have to deal with these people.

 

I agree with a PP, block the number of said friend if that's a possibility. It is here, but I don't know about your area.

 

If that won't work, DO NOT answer the phone when friend calls, EVER. You don't owe her anything. When MIL asks you about her friend, tell her you really need to go now. Good bye. (said pleasantly of course) Don't answer when she calls back.

 

It sounds harsh, but in my limited experience with nutbunnies (love that!), you have to put up incredibly firm boundaries or they just keep walking all over you. They'll probably still try, but just repeat the above. DO NOT waste emotional energy even explaining these things, because they don't hear you anyway.

 

Good luck to you! :grouphug:

[FaithManor]

:grouphug::grouphug: Sorry IMP! It's like a scene out of a TLC reality tv show - "Crazies R Us", when nutbunnies and whackadoodles join forces.

 

I'd block her if your phone company will allow it. The other option is to scare the cr*p out of her..."Oh, I'm so grateful to have a new best friend. I require designer slippers from _______ (Nordstroms, whatever is high end expensive in your area), imported Brazillian Chocolate, a check for $100.00, and singing telegrams from the Vienna Boys' Choir on my birthdays not to mention there are additional duties at Christmas, you'll be expected for spring cleaning, and I'd also like to mention that if you want to be my extra special bestest friend you'll need to send monthly certificates for Swedish massages and personally take care of my ingrown toenails."

 

Fight fire with fire! :D

 

Faith

[Impish]

yeah, I don't know if there's a way to block #s or not. I'll look in to it, ty for the suggestion.

[Impish]

:grouphug::grouphug: Sorry IMP! It's like a scene out of a TLC reality tv show - "Crazies R Us", when nutbunnies and whackadoodles join forces.

 

I'd block her if your phone company will allow it. The other option is to scare the cr*p out of her..."Oh, I'm so grateful to have a new best friend. I require designer slippers from _______ (Nordstroms, whatever is high end expensive in your area), imported Brazillian Chocolate, a check for $100.00, and singing telegrams from the Vienna Boys' Choir on my birthdays not to mention there are additional duties at Christmas, you'll be expected for spring cleaning, and I'd also like to mention that if you want to be my extra special bestest friend you'll need to send monthly certificates for Swedish massages and personally take care of my ingrown toenails."

 

Fight fire with fire! :D

 

Faith

I'm scared she'd take me up on it :001_huh:

[Samiam]

Constant drama must be exhausting.

[jelbe5]

:iagree: with ignoring calls. :grouphug:

 

I do want to thank you for expanding my vocabulary . . .

 

:lol:Nutbunnies:lol:

[mommaduck]

We need a WTM glossary that we can add to...

[Georgiana Daniels]

Nutbunny magnet!

 

Awww, it's so awkward. How do people not realize when they are overstepping a social boundary?

 

I'd avoid the phone calls because I'm fairly non-confrontational. That's just me.

[celticmom]

Is there any way that MIL and her friend can not get the home phone number when you move? Does Wolf have a cell # you can give to MIL?

[AmyontheFarm]

Yeah, I'm ignoring the calls. I can predict that it won't be enough, though, and MIL will want to know why I'm not cuddling up to her bestie.

 

*sigh*

 

 

Just tell MIL that you aren't cuddling up with bestie because you didn't want to hurt that beautiful relationship that the two of them have. :001_smile: Ya know, three's a crowd!

[J-rap]

As others have said, I would completely avoid her phone calls. If she is as nutty as you say, she will eventually give up, and also -- given that her social cue recognition isn't very good -- she probably won't even take it personally!

[BigMamaBird]

I have no advice, but Nutbunny is now my favorite word!:D

[SunnyDays]

I can't decide whether I like nutbunny or whackadoodle better. They're both awfully fun to say!! :D

 

Not so much fun, on the other hand, to deal with. Imp, you must put off some weird kind of crazy magnet vibes. I'm sorry... I agree, just keep ignoring. :grouphug:

[Jpoy85]

:grouphug:

[mumto2]

Just tell MIL that you aren't cuddling up with bestie because you didn't want to hurt that beautiful relationship that the two of them have. :001_smile: Ya know, three's a crowd!

 

If you have to say something this would be my choice. I love nutbunnies!:lol:

 

Good luck!:grouphug:

[bobbeym]

:iagree: with pp that says to ignore or block the calls. My family seems to attack those kinds of people too. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

My question though... at what point does a whackadoodle become a nutbunny, or vice versa? :D

[Audrey]

Oh. Wow. :blink:

 

So... this person, a stranger to you (okay so maybe you have a tiny tenuous connection through the mil, but really nothing substantial), tracks down your phone number somehow (how much digging did she have to go through to get that???), then calls you repeatedly, yaks on endlessly and leaves annoying messages whenever you don't answer??

 

Geez! I cannot imagine how nutty you've got to be to do that.

 

Quite honestly, if someone did that to me, I would call screen, call block.... anything I could to get the message across loud and clear...

 

BACK OFF SQUIRREL BAIT!!

 

Seriously, some people ... Sheesh! :glare:

[Ghee]

Fight fire with fire. Answer the phone and then talk. her. ear. off. Just drone on and on and on about anything you can think of, be sure not to let her get a word in edgewise.

 

I'm employing this method with one of my (nutbunny) cheer moms. She would call and talk for.ev.er about nothing. Now, when she calls, I launch into a long and rapid fire speech. In under 2 minutes, she is saying "Uh...ummmm. I have go." :lol: She doesn't call me NEARLY as often anymore, either!

 

So, my vote is to draw on your inner nutbunny and really play it up.

[gardenmom5]

she's the bf of nutbunny-mil. that speaks volumes about what kid of person she is.

 

ignore phone calls. if she actually catches you, just say thanks for the birthday wishes, wish her a happy birthday, keep it non-commital and SHORT. any chance she'd take mil off your hands? (does mil have money nutbunny thinks she's going to get her hands on?)

[Impish]

Oh. Wow. :blink:

 

So... this person, a stranger to you (okay so maybe you have a tiny tenuous connection through the mil, but really nothing substantial), tracks down your phone number somehow (how much digging did she have to go through to get that???), then calls you repeatedly, yaks on endlessly and leaves annoying messages whenever you don't answer??

 

Geez! I cannot imagine how nutty you've got to be to do that.

 

Quite honestly, if someone did that to me, I would call screen, call block.... anything I could to get the message across loud and clear...

 

BACK OFF SQUIRREL BAIT!!

 

Seriously, some people ... Sheesh! :glare:

No, I talked to her and left my ph# w/her when MIL was missing. she's the one that filed a missing person's report w/the RCMP...w/out takling to family. And told me that she didn't call us b/c it was 'late (10 pm our time) and she was planning on calling us the next am. (I called her btw n 10 and 11am, after tracking down her # via someone else...at what point was she planning on calling?!) and now she seems to think it's open season to invade our lives.

Fight fire with fire. Answer the phone and then talk. her. ear. off. Just drone on and on and on about anything you can think of, be sure not to let her get a word in edgewise.

 

I'm employing this method with one of my (nutbunny) cheer moms. She would call and talk for.ev.er about nothing. Now, when she calls, I launch into a long and rapid fire speech. In under 2 minutes, she is saying "Uh...ummmm. I have go." :lol: She doesn't call me NEARLY as often anymore, either!

 

So, my vote is to draw on your inner nutbunny and really play it up.

when I was talking to her when MIL was missing, I had Wolf call on the other line. Repeatedly said, "Wolf's calling, hang on..." she just talked over me. Not even a hesitation. last thing I want is to try and get into a talk contest w/her. She'd win.

[Impish]

she's the bf of nutbunny-mil. that speaks volumes about what kid of person she is.

 

ignore phone calls. if she actually catches you, just say thanks for the birthday wishes, wish her a happy birthday, keep it non-commital and SHORT. any chance she'd take mil off your hands? (does mil have money nutbunny thinks she's going to get her hands on?)

I honestly don't know about MIL's finances. I don't WANT to know, quite frankly. MIL tried to involve me w/her will, wanting to read it over the ph, and I told her to talk to her son. I have nothing to do w/her will, want nothing to do w/her will, and am happy in my ignorance.

[Alicia64]

This bf, I've come to find out, got herself named as executrix of a family member's will, and screwed everyone over so badly that none of her extended fam will have anything to do w/her anymore (Wolf's cousin that shares POA knows her and her history).

 

She called yesterday, to inform me that we share a birthday, wish me a happy birthday, and then rambled a bit, adding, "I'm sure we'll meet face to face soon." on the vm. Called 2x more.

 

 

This calling thing and gushing about shared birthdays, wishing you a happy bday and rambling reminds me of my NM who did this to my old, good friend. She was making up reasons to be pals with her. My good friend finally said to me, "Your mom is bugging me." :lol:

I appreciated that my friend let me handle and didn't let my NM enmesh herself in.

 

Anyway, that's my long way of saying that it's entirely possible that your NMIL is best friends w/ another N.

 

Personally, I would email her and say that I have several huge projects on the horizon and don't have time for much except the projects and my family.

 

Alley

Edited August 11, 2012 by Alicia64

[annandatje]

Here's a simple fix for the problem:

 

Ditch your land line and existing cell. Purchase a prepaid cell. Give the number only to people you wish to contact.

[Moxie]

You need to perfect your ditzy blond routine. "Oh my, did you call? Well, bless my soul, I thought I remembered that someone had called but I totally forgot who it was. You know how I am, I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached."

[Soror]

I'd ignore as well. If you accidently pick up I would quickly think of an excuse, tell her you have to go and just hang up, even if she keeps interrupting you.

[Impish]

Some people just don't know when to quit. The sad part is the victim is usually too polite to tell the annoying caller to go away, and the bothersome caller is too ignorant or full of herself to act on the obvious signs.

I think if you just don't answer the phone the next several times she calls, she hopefully will get the hint.

That's about where I fall. I can't think of a polite way to tell her to bug off...and I know if I'm anywhere approaching anything that could be misconstrued as rude, MIL will be up my butt.

Here's a simple fix for the problem:

 

Ditch your land line and existing cell. Purchase a prepaid cell. Give the number only to people you wish to contact.

I do too much by phone/fax w/the kids hsing for that to work. That, and I'm not giving up the accessability of a landline b/c of nutbunnies.

[annandatje]

.... I do too much by phone/fax w/the kids hsing for that to work. That, and I'm not giving up the accessability of a landline b/c of nutbunnies.

 

Changing number should work if you make it a private number. I do not know how that works in Canada, but here you pay a small monthly fee for an unpublished number. It would be a small price to pay for your peace of mind.

[Audrey]

That's about where I fall. I can't think of a polite way to tell her to bug off...and I know if I'm anywhere approaching anything that could be misconstrued as rude, MIL will be up my butt.

 

I do too much by phone/fax w/the kids hsing for that to work. That, and I'm not giving up the accessability of a landline b/c of nutbunnies.

 

 

I know what you mean. It's very hard to tell people politely that their calls are not welcome. If you are too polite, they will be too dense and won't get it at all. If you are too insistent, then you end up looking bad instead of the nutter looking bad.

 

And, in response to your previous reply to me... I suppose it's only slightly less annoying that you had given her your phone number. I had the impression that perhaps she had gone around digging up your number. I had this thought of some wacko woman trolling the internet, scouting high and low for references to you, snagging your number that way and THEN pestering you non-stop.

 

Now THAT would have been beyond the pale! :eek: I'm glad for your sake that she isn't THAT far gone into looney-land.

[Audrey]

Changing number should work if you make it a private number. I do not know how that works in Canada, but here you pay a small monthly fee for an unpublished number. It would be a small price to pay for your peace of mind.

 

 

Oh! This! :iagree: We have an unpublished number. I think the charge is $2.50/month. It is easy to get. When you ask to have it changed, you simply request that the new number be unpublished! It's very simple.

[Impish]

There's some confusion as to if she had our # before.

 

when I first talked to her, she claimed that she didn't call us before she called the RCMP to report MIL missing, b/c 'I wanted you to have a good night's sleep before dealing w/all this, it was late' Yeah. 10 pm my time. I interpreted that as, "I knew once Wolf was involved, I wouldn't have the spotlight as being the one to get any calls from the RCMP." She said she had planned to call us that am...but I wasn't able to get her # and call til btwn 10-11 am, so exactly WHEN was she going to call?

 

Then later she said she didn't have our current #. Uh...so HOW were you going to call?!

 

The whole thing stinks like last wks fish left out in the sun. Or in a locked car. Whatever. Reeks.

 

We had an unlisted # before. Somehow, being 'family' or a 'friend' means ppl pass our your # to anyone and everyone. Even to use as their own answering service, so you have ppl calling that you've no clue who they are, for someone that doesn't even live w/you :glare:

 

Wasn't worth the $ when it was passed around like a vicious case of the flu.

[TranquilMind]

How do I deal w/this? Just keep ignoring her calls, and hope she gets the point? Answer, and say...what? "Please don't call again, I'm not interested in a relationship"? Tell MIL to tell her bestie to back off?

 

Is this typical behaviour of older/elderly ppl? They talk to someone twice and now they're bffs? Or is it just the nutbunnies I attract?

'

 

Ignore it. No, not at all typical. My Mom, staying with us after a surgery, once laid on the floor for a couple hours in my own house, waiting for us to wake up to help her get up. She said that she knew we'd get up sooner or later and find her! That's more typical of elderly people, in my experience!

[TranquilMind]

I know what you mean. It's very hard to tell people politely that their calls are not welcome. If you are too polite, they will be too dense and won't get it at all. If you are too insistent, then you end up looking bad instead of the nutter looking bad.

 

And, in response to your previous reply to me... I suppose it's only slightly less annoying that you had given her your phone number. I had the impression that perhaps she had gone around digging up your number. I had this thought of some wacko woman trolling the internet, scouting high and low for references to you, snagging your number that way and THEN pestering you non-stop.

 

Now THAT would have been beyond the pale! :eek: I'm glad for your sake that she isn't THAT far gone into looney-land.

 

Turn your fax on everytime she calls. She will soon stop calling.

[Impish]

Turn your fax on everytime she calls. She will soon stop calling.

Oooooh! Hadn't thought of that one! *evil grin*

[macpuffins]

Use the new puppy as excuse, and give puppy some quick leash training (heel, come, sit, whatever) immediately after the phone - some good 'reasons' to have puppy issues:

- new puppy takes phone ring as cue to pee NOW, so you gotta go take him outside immediately (if she calls back in 10 minutes, use the same line, and say "what can you do, small puppy, small bladder")... then take the dog for a 30s leash exercise outside...

- some other "gotta walk the dog NOW" issue... then go walk the dog to the sidewalk and back...

- keep the leash by the phone so you can say "sorry, got the dog leash in my hands and was about to step out w/ him"...

 

turn the kitchen faucet on just before picking up phone "look I gotta go I left the water running" or "I'm up to my elbows in dish bubbles"

get one of the kids to respond to a cue of some sign you can make up, and then have the appropriate child go "hey mom, look at what I can do!" or "Mom, come see what I just did"... so you can say "kids need me, have to go"...

 

There's also the ever popular "I have to go pee", "you caught me on the way out the door", "something on the stove is going to boil over", set the microwave to ding in a few seconds "gotta go [blank] is ready"...

 

 

When my mother was alive and used to call all the time to harass me, I used to head to the apartment door, and have one foot in the hallway outside of it so hubby could legit say "she just stepped out the door, I'm not sure when she will be back"...

 

::sighs:: on your behalf...

[Impish]

I know this sounds ridiculous, but I guess I resent being put in a position of lying to try not to have this turn into a complete nutbunny feast for attention.

 

I'm just going to stick w/letting everything go to vm.\

 

I've talked to Wolf about it, and he has no hesitation in telling MIL that we're not interested in a relationship w/her bff. If there's an emergency, she's welcome to call, other than that, leave us alone.

 

I've no doubt that MIL will throw a hissy when he tells her, but better coming from him than me, b/c I'm already the big bad dil for daring to question her cognitive abilities. Her memory IS slipping, from what we can tell, her nephew (Wolf's cousin that shares POA) admitted that he's noticed a decline over the last 3-4 yrs, she has 2 sibs dx'd w/alzheimers, another that SHOULD be, but his wife covers for him and refuses to take him to the Dr about it (seriously, the man can't remember if he likes POTATOES), so the chances of MIL developing it are astronomical, but when I dared to ask ppl to keep an eye out, we were worried, it became, "she's FINE, just FINE! How DARE you think that?!" and all sorts of backlash.

 

*sigh*

 

Which, needless to say, added a whole 'nother layer of anxiety to her disappearing act. We truly didn't know wth was going on, if she'd 'hit the wall' and blanked, wandered off, or what.

 

And then find out that nope, it seems that she did it on purpose.

 

Honestly, I've pretty much had my fill. I don't want to deal w/a single thing more. At all. From his mother or mine. Just leave. me. alone.

[Harriet Vane]

I know this sounds ridiculous, but I guess I resent being put in a position of lying to try not to have this turn into a complete nutbunny feast for attention.

 

I'm just going to stick w/letting everything go to vm.\

 

I've talked to Wolf about it, and he has no hesitation in telling MIL that we're not interested in a relationship w/her bff. If there's an emergency, she's welcome to call, other than that, leave us alone.

 

I've no doubt that MIL will throw a hissy when he tells her, but better coming from him than me, b/c I'm already the big bad dil for daring to question her cognitive abilities. Her memory IS slipping, from what we can tell, her nephew (Wolf's cousin that shares POA) admitted that he's noticed a decline over the last 3-4 yrs, she has 2 sibs dx'd w/alzheimers, another that SHOULD be, but his wife covers for him and refuses to take him to the Dr about it (seriously, the man can't remember if he likes POTATOES), so the chances of MIL developing it are astronomical, but when I dared to ask ppl to keep an eye out, we were worried, it became, "she's FINE, just FINE! How DARE you think that?!" and all sorts of backlash.

 

*sigh*

 

Which, needless to say, added a whole 'nother layer of anxiety to her disappearing act. We truly didn't know wth was going on, if she'd 'hit the wall' and blanked, wandered off, or what.

 

And then find out that nope, it seems that she did it on purpose.

 

Honestly, I've pretty much had my fill. I don't want to deal w/a single thing more. At all. From his mother or mine. Just leave. me. alone.

 

The same thing happened within my family. My grandmother was showing serious signs of dementia. Those of us who saw her with any regularity could see it plainly. Her children, however, refused to see it. I became the bad guy despite the fact that she was causing car accidents, despite the fact that her supervisor spoke with both me and one of her daughters about how badly she was screwing up at work, despite the fact that a doctor did actually diagnose her with dementia!!! Everyone acted like I was the problem, for many years.

 

:grouphug: