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  1. First, let me say that reading that thread has been a relief and a heartbreak. A relief to know that I'm not the only one who went through that type of horror, and heartbreak because so many of us have. :grouphug: My question for you all: Do you find, as a result of the hell you lived through as a child, that you over-compensate with your own children? For example, Christmas at my mother's house was awful. Ever since my children were born, I have gone all out trying to make Christmas as magical as possible. Birthdays are a big deal. I am really big on "making memories" and trying to create the childhood for my children that I wish I had. Do you do the same?
  2. Okay I have never heard of NPD until I came here, and it seems to come up a lot. I am trying to understand this without diagnosing everyone I know (including myself) as having this. Here are the symptoms from the Mayo Clinic website: Believing that you're better than others Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness Exaggerating your achievements or talents Expecting constant praise and admiration Believing that you're special and acting accordingly Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans Taking advantage of others Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior Being jealous of others Believing that others are jealous of you Trouble keeping healthy relationships Setting unrealistic goals Being easily hurt and rejected Having a fragile self-esteem Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional Seriously?? Everyone I know (including myself) does some or all of these things. Having a fragile self-esteem? Don't most women? Most women I know are painfully insecure. Taking advantage of others? Ummm, tons of people do that. I agree that some of these are concerning but the majority of these symptoms just seem typical of any selfish individual, and can't most of us tend to be selfish if we're really honest with ourselves? :confused: I know a LOT of people (primarily women) who think they are better than others and I have known or heard of a LOT of men who take advantage of others, I'm thinking mostly in a business or sexual setting here. Most women I know struggle with jealousy. "Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior"...politics, anyone? Don't we all do this to some extent? Here's another thing: In contrast, people who have healthy confidence and self-esteem don't value themselves more than they value others. Really?? People don't value themselves more than they value others? There's a reason there was only one Mother Teresa...the rest of us just don't make the cut. :tongue_smilie: I do believe my parents have most of these "symptoms" but if I'm honest with myself, I have many symptoms of being selfish as well (maybe since I am willing to admit it and own up to my faults, that prevents me from having this? Whew!) I don't know what to think about it. I'm not meaning to act as if this is not a real disorder, but it just seems the symptoms are very vague and far reaching. Or am I wrong?
  3. This is not a JAWM post. ;) I do want advice. Gentle advice would be great but I have on my thick skin just in case.:) (So sorry if it gets long...) We've had recurring issues with my inlaws since we were engaged and we've been married 23 years. In general, my mil goes off the deep end periodically and refuses to talk to us or see us for a period of time over really ridiculous stuff. Very often this centers around Mother's Day. Here's our current situation: A few days before Mother's Day this year, my dh called his mom to see what she would like to do. She said she wanted to go out to dinner with our family on Saturday evening. She gave a choice of two restaurants. Neither restaurant is "safe" for our peanut allergic 7 yo. One is a Brazillian bbq where they bring the meat to each table but everything else is served on the buffet. Buffets are a big "no no" do to cross contamination. The other restaurant has told us in the past that they cannot make a safe meal because there are nuts all over the kitchen. I told dh that I was willing to stay home with peanut kid so they could all go out for a nice, relaxing dinner. He told this to his mom explaining that those restaurants weren't safe for him. She answered, "Well, if you wife doesn't want to have dinner with me, just say so!" :001_huh: They decided to talk later that evening about firming up the plans. They agreed on a 7pm call time. Dh and I talked about it and we decided to call the restaurant that wasn't the buffet and talk to the manager. The manager was great and agreed to supervise all preparation to make sure we could have a nut safe dinner. Great, right? Problem solved, right? NOT! One minute before 7pm that night, dh got a text from his dad saying, "It's just too much trouble. I'll take her out myself. Just do your own thing." Dh immediately texted back telling his dad we'd solved the problem and that we were good to go to one of mil's choices at the time and on the day she requested. No answer. Next morning, dh called his parents to firm up the time and, again, tell them that mil's choice was going to be just fine for everyone. He talked to his dad. First, his dad said that he didn't send the text the night before. His mom sent it posing as his dad. Second, his dad said his mom was refusing to see us or speak to us and that we should have not said anything, come to the dinner and just had peanut kid just sit there with us and not eat. We have not heard from them at all since Mother's Day. My dd was celebrating her 16th birthday just two weeks after MD and they sent her a card but no gift. They usually give the kids $50 for their birthdays. Dd said, "You know, Mom, I don't need a gift but it's obvious they did this because they're mad at you and Dad." I agree with her that that was the motivation. We also discovered from dh's sister that mil told sil that "You guys made plans with her for MD and then just cancelled on her. She's really hurt." So, I know it's long and I can clarify stuff if need be but how would you handle this situation? Thanks for reading!
  4. I've been ignoring this, but it keeps coming up. MIL, a former teacher, keeps giving the kids assignments. It ranges from research reports for Diva, to drawing pictures, writing for the Littles. I intercept them, and get rid of it. I don't say anything to the kids, or MIL. I let Wolf know, but other than that, do/say nothing. Problem is, MIL has become more demanding, WANTING the assignments sent to her :001_huh: What's she going to do, mark them?! Wolf does his best to deflect her, but she's getting pushier. Remember, this is the same woman that criticized the Littles for not staying inside the lines, saying I needed to get them some lessons, as well as telling me that they shouldn't be using pencil crayons. So, simply having the Littles colour her pics and send them doesn't get taken as a lovely thing to brighten Gma's fridge, but to be assessed, marked, graded, critiqued. Is there a polite way to say, "Back off! *I* am teaching my kids, they don't need, nor do I want, extra assignments for them!" Or, forget about politeness, and just go w/the blunt?
  5. Wolf talked to his mother last night. She's now admitting that she's losing her memory. She told him that she brought a book to camp mtg w/her, b/c she knew she wouldn't remember who she saw and what she did there. :( We've suspected for some time that she was developing dementia. We tried to get others to keep an eye on her, but ppl lost their ever lovin' minds, insisting, rabidly, that she was 'FINE! JUST FINE!' and how dare we say such a thing, etc. She has 3 sibs w/Alzheimers. The problem is, what do we do now? We want her to move to our province, so we can keep an eye on her, since everyone else is so in denial she could/would end up hurting herself or someone else before they'd even begin to consider to consider there's a problem. B/c she's in another province, if Wolf and his cousin use their POA to get her ruled incompetant, she's stuck in that province's health care system, and we can't afford to visit her on a regular basis. We'd be lucky to see her 1x a yr...and having worked in LTC, I know that when there's family around, residents do get treated better. I don't want her stuck somewhere to rot. We still cannot move her in w/us. Physically, I cannot handle assisting her. She's unsteady on her feet, uses a walker, and if she fell, I couldn't help her up. The kids exhaust her after a cpl of hrs of being around them. I've seen flashes of anger and frustration from her when ppl don't do as she demands, and I can't help but worry that will only get worse. Not a safe thing for my kids to be around. Plus, around here, if you move someone in w/you, the gov does nothing to find them an assisted care situation. B/c they're w/someone, they're safe, so others are always bumped ahead of them on the list. They wait until either the caregiver completely breaks, or the person ends up in the ER for uncontrolled behaviour and the family refuses to bring them home. If she's in an apt of her own, home care can be arranged pdq, and that ball starts rolling. They keep notes, legal documentation, and can have her moving up the list as her needs increase. Problem is, neither Wolf nor I can see a way to convince her to move. We've tried, time and again, and she toys w/it. Yes she's coming, no she's not, yes she is, no she isn't, yes she is, no she isn't... If folks wouldn't mind praying for us, and for her, I'd really appreciate it. Help us to know what the right thing to do is, and help it to be done. Yes, her behaviour and narcisissm makes us crazy. No, that's not a result of potential dementia issues, she's been like that her entire life. Yes, dementia *will* make it worse. But we don't hate her. We want her safe, and to ensure she's cared for as best we possibly can. Thanks.
  6. Ick. MIL's best friend, the one that reported her missing, and MIL named as next of kin on hospital documents (nowhere was Wolf or his cousin that shares power of attny listed :glare:) has gotten the misguided notion that b/c I spoke to her in trying to locate MIL, we're now friends. This bf, I've come to find out, got herself named as executrix of a family member's will, and screwed everyone over so badly that none of her extended fam will have anything to do w/her anymore (Wolf's cousin that shares POA knows her and her history). I've talked to her a grand total of 2x. Frankly, I don't WANT anything to do w/her. I have my hands full w/MIL, without adding another nutbunny to the roster. She called yesterday, to inform me that we share a birthday, wish me a happy birthday, and then rambled a bit, adding, "I'm sure we'll meet face to face soon." on the vm. Called 2x more. Uh. Not if I have anything to say about it, babe. How do I deal w/this? Just keep ignoring her calls, and hope she gets the point? Answer, and say...what? "Please don't call again, I'm not interested in a relationship"? Tell MIL to tell her bestie to back off? Is this typical behaviour of older/elderly ppl? They talk to someone twice and now they're bffs? Or is it just the nutbunnies I attract?
  7. I know many of us do not have the best relationships with our mils. What can one do to be a good mil? Assuming that most of us will be and some of us probably are already.
  8. MIL went to a camp mtg for her religion. Last anyone saw her, she was sitting w/her stuff, waiting for a ride. Nobody knows who she was supposed to get a ride w/. She was supposed to be home yesterday, but apparently hasn't turned up, from what her SIL tells me. SIL fb'd me last night, after I was in bed, so hopefully, she just didn't update and MIL is fine...but she was supposed to be home that aft, and the msg I got was at 10pm. Her other SIL (the one married to the creepazoid) lives near her, so we're getting 3rd hand info. I'll try calling at a decent hr, see if she's back yet. We're an hr behind her, so not even 6am yet her time.
  9. MIL just called. After comments about the weather, she announces to me that having RSD is a blessing. Cause I get paid and don't have to actually work :glare: I pointed out to her that I only worked afternoons (3-11 pm) so I was home w/the kids. She insisted that this was better. :glare: I told her I'd rather be working, pain free, and have full use of my arm. She actually got huffy w/me for that. Honestly. Does she actually *think* about these things before she spouts them off? Yeah, she does, b/c she told me she'd been thinking it for a while. *headdesk*
  10. *headdesk* So, we're going to a city 1.5 hr away to pick up puppy a wk today. 2 of Wolf's sibs live there. I've attempted to contact one of them to see if we can meet up for dinner while we're there. Wolf specifically mentioned her, so I made the attempt. He's kinda given up on the other sib. The problem is this: none of the sibs make any effort to establish a relationship. They didn't grow up together, so there isn't the bond that occurs when you're raised together. I'm always the one attempting contact. I do this for Wolf. He only uses the puter for looking at the day's news, doesn't use FB or any other online social network. I feel like I'm chasing these sibs...since the most they do is respond to me, eventually...never any effort on their part to make the first move. Heck they don't even respond to pics of Boo I post for the most part. I honestly don't know what to do on this one. I mean, it's not like it's hugely time consuming to try and contact them. But on the other hand, I don't like feeling like I'm chasing ppl for their attention. I do know that if I leave it to Wolf, nothing will happen at all...and he seems to like/appreciate my attempts to foster some sort of relationship w/them on his behalf. At the same time, he's also getting fed up, realizing that they simply don't seem to bother w/him or the kids. They have all our contact info...ph#s, email, my FB (Wolf doesn't have FB), etc. They don't contact us on holidays, and don't always respond to my attempts to do so. I genuinely don't know what to do on this one. We've been married over 9 yrs, and it hasn't gotten any better w/time. From what I know of them, they're not bad ppl...I think it's more a matter of, they're not used to having siblings, and so it doesn't dawn on them to make the effort. But...if it was important to them, wouldn't they? Any advice or thoughts would be welcome.
  11. For anyone that's read Anne of Ingleside, I just want to say... Aunt Mary Maria is sooooo much like my MIL, it gives me the freakin willies! That's EXACTLY what it's like when she visits for any period of time! And exactly why I could never have her for a wk or two...I'm terrified that I'd never get her out, and hosting a birthday party wouldn't do the trick! :lol:
  12. My mother tracked down Wolf's # and called him at work today. Psychotic, sociopathic wench from H*ll. He let it go to vm. The deal was, I'd deal w/her. I asked him to just let me deal w/it. Now she's crossed the line, and Wolf's been told that he has free reign to deal w/her if she calls him at work again. I see a ph# change happening after the long wknd. I do NOT want to write her a p!ss off and leave me alone letter. It'll add fuel to her fire, give her something to focus in on. I'm still hoping that something will come up to distract her. I give any indication that she's upset me, or prompted me to break my silence, and she'll just redouble her efforts. You know...I *predicted* she would do this. So why am I still stunned by it?! If anger were jet fuel, I'd be able to visit several WTM members right now...or at least fly over their state!
  13. MIL sent another one of her pkgs. As usual, consists of pages cut out of magazines, old calendar pages, etc. And a CD titled, "Everybody Needs Good Manners!" :001_huh: The note accompanying it states that she got the cd for free, and we can always use reminders when it comes to manners. This ranks up there w/her sending Tazzie a dvd when he was 3? 4? w/The Demoniac Boy on it...rated 12+...after she'd just spent her visit complaining about Tazzie's behaviour the entire time. (He wouldn't sit still and listen to story after story after story for her). *headdesk*
  14. Oh this is a long long long story that would take me hours to explain fully so I'll try to keep it simple. My mil is dying of liver cancer. She is at home and has hospice. (We invited her to move in with us but she wanted to stay in her own home which is understandable). She is down to a matter of weeks now (says the hospice nurse). My bil (dh's brother) and his wife and kids have basically now moved into her house with her because they don't want her to be alone. My mil is narcissistic. She has caused MUCH drama in our family. She has played favorites with my kids and her other grandchildren. She was abusive to my husband and his siblings while they were growing up. When we had our dd17 (first grandchild for her), she basically tried to buy her love. She would buy dd tons and tons of toys but none of them could come home...they would all have to stay at her house. She even told dd that she wished "she" was her mommy! We had tons of problems so we basically cut ties. (but not before we helped her through her first round of cancer, her breakdown after fil left, etc) Here is where everything gets complicated. My sil (dh's brother's wife) walked out of our house on Christmas eve (right before MIL was going to tell us about her cancer) because she said "she didn't feel welcome in our home". She got up and made a scene and walked out with bil and their kids. I was hurt and offended. She later told us that she felt like we weren't including her. We were all sitting around my table talking and she was on the couch with bil holding a baby. She could have come sat with us but was mad that we didn't ask her to? I'm still unsure. I apologized for not making her feel welcome but I had talked to her all night and didn't think there was a problem? My kids were playing with her kids ....except for her oldest who was sitting by herself texting her boyfriend the whole time.... Anyway...tonight, sil laid a huge guilt trip on me and told me that my mil has been crying and just wants to see her grandkids. (we went over there tonight and have been going over here and there...but dh is DONE with mil. We had her over for dinner a few weeks ago when she could still get out...and DH went over last weekend for dinner at her house with bil and sil....and then again the other morning when she thought she was dying. The thing is, sil says she doesn't care how much "abuse" or whatever is going on.....that's dh's mother and we should all be there. (this is my bil's wife, mind you...she has been married to bil for 10 years. She hasn't been around to see the cr*p we've had to deal with). She told me "I know your kids don't want to come over but that's their grandma and she's dying. I MADE my kids come because I'm teaching them the value of family". Ok, I just don't know what to think here. I can't force my husband to go spend time with his dying mother. I just can't. Sil also told me "I know you have a big family. I have a big family too. My grandfather died last week and I'm still here....my dd graduated high school and I'm still here....." I just don't know how to respond to that! She told me that they moved in even though mil didn't really want them to. She then told me we can still come any time ...and she doesn't want us to not come just because they are there. (Yet, she told me when I wanted to have a family gathering for mil last month, that she wouldn't come because she didn't feel comfortable in my home!). As you can see there is a lot of drama! There's so much more but I'll stop because I can feel smoke starting to come off of my fingers as I type and my blood pressure is rising! I know it's my MIL. I also know that it's not healthy for my kids, who have gotten nothing but guilt trips from my mil when they do see her, to be forced to go visit her. She is constantly telling dd13 that she should go to "real" school. WWYD? I can't force dh...I don't want to force dc (especially the boys because she has never given them the time of day). Am I being cold? :(
  15. :rant: Unless I've either married you, or birthed you, I am not responsible for you. I'm not accountable to you. I make my decisions based on what is best for my family. Ftr, that means Wolf, the kids, and I. So, give up thinking that I/we need to change our decisions for your benefit. Quit thinking that you can guilt us into doing what you want by whining that your feelings are hurt, b/c you aren't at the centre of our decision making process. Frankly, you're not even on the radar when we make our decisions. We don't do things b/c of you, or in spite of you. We do them b/c they're best for our family. So just get over yourself already. :rant:
  16. My mom has now called a total of 4x that I haven't responded (2x last mth, 2x in the last wk). And emailed once. I read the email, and listen to the msgs, b/c as I've mentioned before, she meets 5 of 7 criteria to be a sociopath, and I consider her dangerous. She's across country which certainly *does* create a buffer zone, she can't just show up on my doorstep w/out a lot of effort and spending $$, which I don't *think* she would consider me important enough to do...but then again, I've never told her no before. She's getting some p!ssed, according to the vm. Her tone of voice has my stomach doing flips. "This is the THIRD time I've called you, you NEED to call me back!" "Call me back asap!" etc. Trust me, it's the tone, not just the words. I *really* don't want to write her a leave us the heck alone letter b/c it will just cause h@ll to rain down on me...but at the same time, how bad is this going to get? Would it really get worse if I write her a letter, or is it going to get that bad regardless? W/Wolf up for a promo at work, I just really don't want to have to deal w/her right now. I just don't know what I should do. I feel like I'm caught btwn the devil and the deep blue sea...and I'm bleeding and there's sharks in them there waters. I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised to find police at my door one day soon if I don't answer her call. And/or CPS.
  17. I posted about a month ago re: my situation w/my mom, and that I'd finally had to face up to the fact that it's simply not possible to have any sort of healthy, positive relationship w/her. To give you an idea, according to the DSM IV, there's 7 criteria to be dx'd as a sociopath. (I'm just looking at the behaviours, not stuff like age). To be dx'd, a person needs only 3. She has 5. And those 5 are the ones that I've personally witnessed, on more than one occasion, not an 'off day' or my misinterpreting or being too sensitive, or whatever. So when I say that it's not possible to have a healthy relationship, I truly mean that in a clinical sense. Anyways. Hadn't heard from her since last month. I suspected that she was busy being entertained elsewhere and hadn't noticed that she hadn't heard from me...and I wasn't about to stick my head out of the foxhole to get shot at by sending her a 'leave me and mine alone' email. Got an email last night. Other than babbling about some trips I have no clue about like I helped her plan them :confused: she takes me to task for not having returned her call in May, then states, "I'll call you again (and again) until I get in touch with you." At first, I inserted an 'LOL' in there. By that I mean, I thought I'd read that SHE put an 'lol' in there...but on rereading, nope. Which explained why I felt so anxious. I know to someone just reading it, it doesn't sound like a big deal...but this is the kind of thing she's pulled before...complete w/glare, venomous tone...it's a threat, and also a demand for me to do as she wants, or she'll make me. As a kid, it was terrifying, and you complied, instantly. I intend to continue to ignore, but sooner or later she'll be harrassing the living daylights out of me, and I'll have to send her an email telling her to cease and desist, or I'll pursue harrassment charges. Yee freaking haw.
  18. I've been away for a bit. I've had to figure out some things in regards to family issues. Wolf, the kids and I are fine, no worries there. It's to do w/my mother. I've mentioned here before that I believe she's NPD, and that I've had a difficult relationship w/her all my life. Physical abuse growing up, many issues as an adult. I agreed to allow her and my Dad to establish more of a relationship w/my kids 2 yrs ago. At that point, she'd seen Tazzie once as an infant, neither of them had met Princess at all. I told them both at the time that it wasn't about how Wolf and I felt, or about how they felt, but about what was best for my kids...and if my kids could have gparents that loved them, were involved w/their lives, then I wasn't going to deny them that. Here's where the problem begins. My mother has a habit of either she's the most attentive, most interested person ever, making me think that wow, we could really have a good relationship, or we cease to exist. Completely. There's no inbetween. I called her on Tazzie's birthday, b/c she hadn't called him. First, she tells me that it's NOT his birthday. :001_huh: Then, after I insist, she replies, "Oh. So it is." and says she'll call back, she's on the other line. In that call, she was told about Wolf being up for the new job. I've realized several things about that call since. One, she never remembers any of my kids birthdays. I have to call and prompt her to talk to them and wish them a happy birthday. Two, she never once called to find out how the job process was going, if he got the job, etc. I left 4 different msgs for her, and she ignored them all. I had folks HERE posting and asking if we'd heard anything, but complete silence from her. After we moved, I deliberately waited a few wks before calling her. I wanted to see if she'd bother to call and find out how our move went. I mean, disabled dd, 4 kids, one an infant, moving over 5 hrs...wouldn't you think that you'd be wondering, worrying, something? Nope. I've also realized she's called a grand total of 4 times this yr. 3 of which were prompted by me either leaving msgs or email. She's simply not emotionally invested in a relationship w/my kids. I used to think it was just the distance, but I've known other families that are far apart, and gparents put in effort. They call regularily, they mail, they Skype. I found out my mom had Skype for YEARS before I'd downloaded it, but never once suggested skyping w/the kids. She bragged about using it w/her internet friends, but when I asked her to Skype w/the kids, she came up w/excuse after excuse why it wouldn't work. The kids are noticing. They've asked why she doesn't bother w/them. Tazzie wanted to know if he'd done something wrong, if she was mad at him. I've decided, after much prayer, that it ends now. I tried to build more of a relationship w/them for my kids sake, but I can't force them to care. I can't make them be decent, normal gparents...and I will not allow them to hurt my kids. It's going to suck. My mother will throw a tantrum to end all tantrums, and it won't surprise me in the slightest if she decides to call CPS on us...simply to hurt and cause trouble. I also wouldn't be surprised if she manipulates my brother the police officer into doing so on her behalf as well. I'm not looking forward to dealing w/whatever sh!tstorm she brews up, and there WILL be one. I just can't allow the fear of what she'll do control my decisions, or prevent me from doing what's best for my kids. This relationship simply isn't emotionally healthy for them.
  19. Soooo... MIL called Tues. Announced that she had a class reunion to attend in our province in June, and would be fitting us in at the end of her trip. Wolf told her that he didn't think that would work w/our schedule, *and* told her that she was being rude, telling us we had to be available for her...that the right thing to do if you want to visit someone is to *ask* when would work for them. He went on to explain to her that his busy season at work would be in full swing in June, that he has to work at least every other wknd, is on probation at work til Sept, and simply cannot be taking time off. She told him that she could only make one trip this year, and wasn't going to miss her reunion. Either he makes himself available, or she wouldn't see us this yr. Fine. We talked about it, looked at the calendar, and there's simply no way the wknd she's demanding will work. Btwn his schedule, my trip back to our old city (5 hrs each way) to see my pain specialist, him having to work an extra wknd to make up for those 2 days off, plus the fact that he's the supervisor and has to be on call even when he's not there on the wknds, it simply will not work. Add in the fact that MIL plans to have her sister drive her all over the province...and we've had nothing to do w/this sister in 6 yrs...ever since she spent over an hour claiming that Tazzie shouldn't be blonde and blue eyed b/c Wolf is so dark, that it wasn't possible for Wolf to have a blonde blue eyed baby...I asked Wolf, "Is it just me, or was she accusing me of fooling around on you?" to which he answered, "Yeah, pretty much!" I refuse to have anything to do w/that hag, let alone have her in my home for a visit! And since she lives several hrs away from us, it would be expected/demanded. So, she was told firmly yesterday it wouldn't work, we're not available. Honestly, Wolf's very hurt that her class reunion is more important than he is (she made it very clear that missing out on seeing him and the kids was 'oh well' but missing the reunion would be horrific) and even explaining that he could take time off the end of Sept if she came then didn't have her consideration for a moment. She wants what she wants, and that he couldn't risk losing his job by taking time off was waved off by her...Her attitude being he was just being difficult. *sigh* Personally, it's a relief not to have her coming for me. But to once again make it clear to Wolf that he's not a priority for her (something that he's always felt) bothers him. I wish I had a magic solution for him, but I know all I can do is support him as best I can, and be there to listen. Bah.
  20. Well, I still haven't had my mom return any calls. I did get a fw'd email from her this am re: St. Patrick's Day, so I know she's around. It's the first I've heard from her in almost a month. She still doesn't know that Wolf got the job, and that we're moving. I was doing an email up for my friends this am, letting them know that we may not have internet, and w/our addy and ph#. So, I bcc'd her on it. I figure if she can bcc me on an email to her friends to tell me my Nan died, finding out I'm moving the same way, when she can't be bothered to return ph calls is fair. She's going to be furious about it. I realize that it was passive aggressive on my part to do it this way, but she's shown 0 interest in what's going on w/us, at this point, I wasn't sure if I was going to bother telling her we're moving at all.
  21. Ok. I've mentioned before that my mom fits NPD criteria like a glove. We told her about Wolf being up for the job. I haven't heard from her since. I've left 3 msgs for her, and she hasn't called back. :glare: She doesn't know that Wolf's gotten the job, or that we're moving. I know she's probably angry that we're not moving back to my home province, and that's likely why she's ignoring me. I'm considering shooting her an email, telling her we're moving, and I'll let her know our ph# when we get it. Part of me is tired of this kind of nonsense, and feels like doing nothing. She has my email, our current ph#, you'd think she'd at least be somewhat interested in what's going on in our lives, but she doesn't even bother to return calls, and she knows we were waiting to hear if Wolf got the job or not. Members here have shown more interest, more support. So, wwyd?
  22. Oy. Tazzie's 7th birthday yesterday. I called my mother before we went out for dinner, since we hadn't heard from them. She was busy...asks, "What's up?" "Uh...Tazzie's birthday?" She forgot. Niiiiiiice. She mentioned it when she was on the phone w/me on Sunday. But forgot by Wed. Ok then. She called back later. We deliberately hadn't told either of our mothers about the job situation. Frankly, we don't need the stress of dealing w/their opinions, pov, etc. Tazzie, however... So, I ended up having to explain, since he let the cat outta the bag. I'm just waiting for the phone call, once my mother realizes this job means that we won't EVER be moving back to my home province. We'd already made that decision in the last cpl of months, but not something we were going to announce, "We're never moving, b/c the idea of being that close to you makes our collective skin crawl...across country, 1 visit a year, is good for us" :lol: Ugh. So not looking forward to it...and yeah, I know my mom well enough to know that the call *will* come...blech.
  23. *sigh* MIL called last night. Wolf talked to her. It's a constant stream of complaints. She can't get the temp up in her apt. The roof of the apt is leaking, and has been for wks. Apparently, it's finally being fixed this wknd. She's falling in the apt. I suck...b/c my first reaction was to wonder how much of this is actually true. I kept my thoughts to myself though. The problem is, the history w/MIL. She's overdramatised things before. Made up issues that weren't accurate, and then acted innocent and denying that she'd ever said such a thing, she was misunderstood. Two quick examples: when we were first married, any time I disagreed w/MIL about *anything* she'd suddenly have an asthma attack on the phone. When I quit backing down and getting all alarmed, instead saying, "Wow, you sound unwell. I'll let you go so you can go lay down." and hanging up, suddenly the asthma attacks stopped. She hasn't had one on the phone w/me in yrs now. She uses a walker, says she can't manage w/out it...yet when she visits, she NEVER uses it. She told Wolf last spring that she'd applied to assisted living. He told her he thought it was a great idea, etc. Turns out, she didn't apply at all, and just recently admitted to that. She was trying to pressure him into inviting her to live w/us, by threatening to go to assisted living. And the other thing...all her crisises have ramped up hugely since Boo was born. I mean, there's not a week that goes by w/out a min of 2 crisises. Wolf has explained to her, over and over again, that he can't sort things out for her...we live in another province, and there's nothing he can do about any of this from here, and even if he went there (which we cannot afford) he couldn't do anything about her roof, heating, etc. I really dislike the fact that I'm suspicious of what she's saying. I hate the fact that my knee jerk reaction is to wonder how much of this she's blowing out of proportion, or completely making up. I don't like that my instinctive reaction is to think 'manipulation'. I keep my mouth shut. I'm not proud of my initial thoughts. Part of me wants to let go of past behaviours...the lies, manipulations, etc. Part of me thinks that doing that will only leave us vulnerable to more...the whole, 'best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour' thing. I just feel like a lousy person right now.
  24. If you have choosen not to speak to a parent, could you please tell me what the first few days or weeks felt like? Also, did the parent see it as a challenge and try to resume contact? Am I right in assuming that nothing I do will get them to change their behavior if they are are bit NPD? Thanks for the help.
  25. There is someone in my life who I believe to be mentally ill. Part of what this person struggles with is almost certainly some form of ADHD, but it has been suggested to me that this person may also have a personality disorder. I have read a bit on histrionic personality disorder as well as narcissistic personality disorder and think either may be what this person struggles with. I am struggling with understanding what is mental illness and what are just selfish choices--lots and lots of impulsive, selfish choices that have led to ingrained habits of selfishness. The paranoia, selfishness, attention-seeking behavior, and rudeness are hard to deal with. I do not have the option to cut off contact with this person--there are children involved who need me. (It's not my dh or my kids.) Truly seeking to understand as I cope with a very, very difficult relationship. Edited to add: I do have friends with mental illness. One friend was diagnosed many years ago with manic-depressive. That friend has accepted her diagnosis and manages really, really well and is a joy to all who know her. I also friends whose teens (two friends, two teens) have been diagnosed as bipolar. After years of interactions through many ups and downs I think I have a fairly good grasp of the mental illness these people live with. The two teens in particular really do suffer with bipolar, and I have only compassion for them. In contrast, I struggle to find compassion for the individual in my life I have described above. The differences I see between that individual and the others I am in friendship with are what I am confused about.
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