WWYD? MIL visits newborn w/ a cold

[Moxie]

My sister just called me. Her MIL is flying in to see them today because my sister just had a baby (5 weeks early but doing great). Sister said that her MIL wouldn't admit it but she could tell by the sound of her voice that she has a cold. With him being a premie and her first child, she is very worried. WWYD??

[Cindy in FL.]

My ds was born 3 weeks before his due date. When he was 11 days old he wound up in the hospital with RSV that he picked up from someone with a "cold". We spent 10 days in the hospital. Never made that mistake again.

People with colds were not allowed to hold or get close to my newborns after that.

 

Bare minimum would be a mask and hand washing. Best case would be not getting within 5 feet of the baby. That's just me, though.

 

Cindy

[Renee in NC]

I was going to say not to worry about it, but then I saw "preemie." I would require MIL to wear a mask and wash her hands before holding baby (or touching anything baby might touch.)

[RainySunday]

Honestly, I wouldn't allow her to see the baby. Tell her it's doctors orders.

[lorrainejmc]

Honestly, I wouldn't allow her to see the baby. Tell her it's doctors orders.

 

:iagree:

[swellmomma]

When anyone held my preemies (3 out of 4 were) I made them sanitize their hands and wear a face mask. I was not risking them getting ill. If anyone thought I was being over protective they simply didn't get to see/hold the baby. A healthy full term baby I would not to be held by someone with a cold, with a preemie I risk being seen as over protective.

[DarlaS]

I can't see why any 5 week premature baby needs any visitors PERIOD. She should delay her visit until at least the original due date.

 

Of course, it's a little late now isn't it? :tongue_smilie:

[endurancerider]

:001_smile: I would ask the Dr. for guidelines regarding visitors and abide by those.

[SunD]

I would not let a sick person hold, breathe on, or touch my 5wo baby. That goes double for a preemie! Not even my own mother.

[5kidsforME]

Honestly, I wouldn't allow her to see the baby. Tell her it's doctors orders.

 

 

I completely agree with this. I have had 2 kids with RSV one with a hospital stay. His O2sat was 81%. I don't care who it would pi$$ off, no way would they get near my baby let alone a premie.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Her husband needs to stick up for her and the baby.

[*Inna*]

Her husband needs to stick up for her and the baby.

:iagree:

[Farrar]

The baby is home? I'd let her see the baby, with washed hands and a mask for a short visit.

 

But I also wouldn't assume she has a cold instead of it being a bad connection or that she caught her just after she had drank something and had it go down funny or something. I'd ask. She's probably getting over a cold, but ask.

[Mama Geek]

If the mom and baby are still in the hospital suggest talking to the nurses. The nurses in the hospital where my dd was born say they run interference all the time.

[sassenach]

Gown, mask, gloves and she needs to stay at a hotel. Your BIL needs to be the one who lays it down and protects his baby.

[Impish]

Her husband needs to stick up for her and the baby.

:iagree:

Also agree w/mask and hand sanitizer. Anyone that doesn't like it can stay away.

 

Nobody is worth a baby getting sick, imo.

[Kertie]

Guess I'm a freak;). I think it's important for Grandma to meet the baby.

 

If there are preemie concerns, sanitize hands, wear a mask. If there aren't, just tell Grandma to only kiss the top of baby's head and not sneeze or snot on the baby.

 

If someone wanted to bring a toddler with a cold, that would be a totally different story. But an adult?? What would the mom do if SHE had a cold--wear a mask all day?? I don't know...I'm assuming the baby is at home now, and not in NICU. Seems like the dr. would've given some sort of guideline, you know?

[Teachin'Mine]

Hand sanitizers, mask and all would not be enough for me to feel confident it won't be spread - I'd call the doctor and verify that it's his or her orders not to have visitors and then have her husband relay that info to his mother. I'd send her lots and lots of pics and video and an invitation to visit in another month or so - assuming no one is sick.

[natalie]

My ds was born 3 weeks before his due date. When he was 11 days old he wound up in the hospital with RSV that he picked up from someone with a "cold". We spent 10 days in the hospital. Never made that mistake again.

People with colds were not allowed to hold or get close to my newborns after that.

 

Bare minimum would be a mask and hand washing. Best case would be not getting within 5 feet of the baby. That's just me, though.

 

Cindy

 

 

:iagree: We had the same experience with RSV except our baby [ds3] was full-term. He was shipped out to a bigger hospital and required his own nurse [as in he was to have a nurse sitting and staring at him at all times; she couldn't even get up to walk over to the sink, another nurse had to be called in]. He spent 10 days in the PICU with all sorts of tubes & wires attached to him, having all sorts of tests for breathing, brain functioning, etc. We were warned that it may have scarred his lungs, and he could have problems the rest of his life.

 

What is scary is how fast it happened. He was fine the evening before. He ate just a little less than usual [i was on meds that didn't allow me to nurse], but that was it. The next morning, he didn't want to eat and his color just seemed a little off to me [maybe a little pasty], but he seemed fine otherwise. My husband thought I was crazy, but something didn't feel right, so I took him immediately to the doctor's office. They took us back right away. When they were checking his vital's, he wasn't breathing. They literally ran with him in their arms to the ER where there were probably 10 doctors and nurses working on him [the pharmacist was even there running back and forth with meds]. They made me leave the room. It was the most terrifying experience I've ever had.

 

There was another baby in the PICU with RSV at the same time. He had been in for a month, and they still didn't know if he would make it.

 

I've been told that I'm over-protective, paranoid, and even rude because I limit who can see my newborns, but I don't care. Adults can carry the RSV virus and not even have any symptoms. When they do, it presents as just a cold. That's not a chance I'm willing to take.

 

ETA: No one in our family was even visibly sick, and he had not left the house. That means that one of us "healthy" family members transmitted the virus to him.

Edited February 16, 2012 by natalie

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

:iagree: with just about everyone. NOT worth the risk. Bare minimum all the above mentioned precautions, and LIMITED (5 min maybe) time. It stinks that she's paying to fly out, but (not to insult your mom)...she should know better.

[Swimtaxi234]

My son was a 30.4 week preemie who stayed in the NICU for weeks because of problems. He had a cold for the first 3 months, but I still made everyone wash their hands for a few more months.

[Impish]

Guess I'm a freak;). I think it's important for Grandma to meet the baby.

 

If there are preemie concerns, sanitize hands, wear a mask. If there aren't, just tell Grandma to only kiss the top of baby's head and not sneeze or snot on the baby.

 

If someone wanted to bring a toddler with a cold, that would be a totally different story. But an adult?? What would the mom do if SHE had a cold--wear a mask all day?? I don't know...I'm assuming the baby is at home now, and not in NICU. Seems like the dr. would've given some sort of guideline, you know?

Important for Grandma to meet baby, yes.

 

More important for baby NOT to end up in the hospital with a life threatening illness, b/c Grandma brought an illness into the house.

 

And honestly? Yes, I would wear a mask, etc, if I had a preemie in the house, without hesitation. Sure, it wouldn't be fun, but any amt of hassle beats a NICU stay. Hands down.

 

I've never had a preemie, but have known more than one family that has, and their immune systems are very vulnerable and fragile.

[sassenach]

The baby is home? I'd let her see the baby, with washed hands and a mask for a short visit.

 

But I also wouldn't assume she has a cold instead of it being a bad connection or that she caught her just after she had drank something and had it go down funny or something. I'd ask. She's probably getting over a cold, but ask.

 

Good point.

[Murphy101]

She would be asked to leave in our house.

 

I didn't have a premie, but I did have a very stressful c/s and the LAST thing a person needs after any surgery is to be sick herself and caring for a sick newborn. Please do not pass the misery tyvm!

 

We were pretty blunt about it after the first person visited sick.:glare: After that, every call or visit began with, "Do you or anyone with you have the sniffles? Because if so, we would rather you not pass the germs here. Thanks you." end of discussion.

 

I think it did annoy several people, but that's just too bad.

[Dancer_Mom]

Seems like she didn't want to tell her because she too knows that it would be unsafe. My babies were micro preemies and we asked a relative to reschedule a visit because they got sick with a cold. If you can't be sure it's not RSV I would ask her to reschedule. And sorry - but IMHO baby's health comes before Grandma meeting the baby. I was a preemie mom and stayed inside all winter and/or washed my hands to make sure I never got sick those first two years.

 

I think if her husband sets a clear line about the health issue and how much they would love it if she would reschedule just as soon as she gets better she will understand.

Edited February 16, 2012 by Dancer_Mom
Oops - it was your sister

[Lawana]

I can't see why any 5 week premature baby needs any visitors PERIOD. She should delay her visit until at least the original due date.

 

Of course, it's a little late now isn't it? :tongue_smilie:

 

I had two babies born at 35 weeks. They were both hardy and neither had any issues. While many babies born 5 weeks early *do* have problems, it is certainly not universal.

[swellmomma]

Important for Grandma to meet baby, yes.

 

More important for baby NOT to end up in the hospital with a life threatening illness, b/c Grandma brought an illness into the house.

 

And honestly? Yes, I would wear a mask, etc, if I had a preemie in the house, without hesitation. Sure, it wouldn't be fun, but any amt of hassle beats a NICU stay. Hands down.

 

I've never had a preemie, but have known more than one family that has, and their immune systems are very vulnerable and fragile.

 

I would and I DID wear a mask all day if I got sick when the kids were prems. Being in the NICU once was enough I didn't want them going back. DS8 had RSV at a few months old. Thankfully the hospital I had him in understood that I coslept so they gave me a room with a big bed and I stayed with him in the hospital for a week, I gave him his nebulizer treatments etc. It was terrifying and he was not as sick as many are with it. I suspect one of my big kids brought it home from school. THankfully of my preemies he was the one born the size of a full term baby so by the time he caught RSV he was even bigger (not like my other 2 prems that were tiny at birth), but he had asthma as a result of his preterm birth and it was scary having him have RSV and be back in hospital.

 

If I had even a mild case ofthe sniffles I wore a face mask around them. With my first I expected my husband to do the same. I did that until they were about 4-5 months old. With my oldest it was longer because he had breathing issues already that he was being medicated for.

 

 

I do agree with the poster that said it was important for the grandparents to meet the baby, but precautions have to be taken. We have pictures of my dad holding my youngest in the NICU wearing a face mask because he sneezed earlier that that day and didn't know if it was the start of a cold or just a tickle. We don't take chances.

Edited February 16, 2012 by swellmomma

[DarlaS]

I had two babies born at 35 weeks. They were both hardy and neither had any issues. While many babies born 5 weeks early *do* have problems, it is certainly not universal.

 

I never suggested that I assume all preemies are very fragile, but it most certainly won't hurt an adult to be patient.

 

Technically, the little one was not supposed to be here yet. If he were still inside, Grandma would have no choice but to wait.

[Scuff]

If she is sick, than I agree, mask or stay home. I was very loose with my older 3. But after having a (full term) 4wk old with pertusis last winter, I'll be more careful this time. WC presents as a cold at first, also.

[Dolphin]

The babies health is most important.

 

When my sister had her baby my mom didn't meet her for 3 weeks and I didn't meet my niece for 4 weeks. It was really hard, but we were sick, this was 2 years ago with swine flu going around. No way we were going to risk my nieces health.

 

I didn't meet her for a month, and at age 2 you can not tell. She loves me to pieces, and I am completely bonded to her.

[TxMama]

If your concern is RSV, then contact your pedi. In our area, RSV season is over so not a concern. We aren't vaccinating premies leaving the hospital for RSV until next winter.

 

Washing hands and mask should be sufficient for a cold. However, if grandma has fever or a sore throat this would be a different scenerio. If in doubt, contact your pedi.

[gardenmom5]

Is the baby home, or in the hospital?

 

the hospital can ban a sick MIL. (my mom had uncontrolled asthma and was told to leave because her coughing was upsetting other parents - even though she wasn't contagious. I actually wanted to shoot the person who told her my son was in the hospital. I still don't know how she found out.). Letting them be the bad guy is easier on an already stressed out mom.

 

depending upon how sick she is:

for mild - make her fresh mask, fresh glove, and hand sanitizer EVERY time she goes near or touches the baby.

 

for more ill, I'd let her know she's welcome *when* she has recovered as we all know (said with a straight face) how she wouldn't want to risk her premie grandchild by exposing him to her cold germs his immature immune system isn't up to dealing with. (with a firm stare daring her to argue.)

[roseyloxs]

NOT worth the risk. Bare minimum all the above mentioned precautions, and LIMITED (5 min maybe) time. It stinks that she's paying to fly out, but (not to insult your mom)...she should know better.

 

:iagree:

[Pink Fairy]

I used to scoff at my pediatrician's request to keep my newborn babies home for the first two months. But all it took was one experience having a sick newborn and I realized that I was an idiot. My last baby, a preemie, didn't leave the house for 6 months on the advice of the neonatologist, and we were VERY strict about keeping him away from anyone sick.

 

It's just too serious to mess around.

[lexi]

I've had 2 preemies and I was pretty strict about who could come near-especially since they were both born in December.

 

I would probably not allow MIL near the baby. I would simply blame the dr. My dr always told me to just blame her if I ever needed an out. So, I did :001_smile: It usually worked too.

 

But it's so hard when it's family! Not fun!

[Denisemomof4]

I can't see why any 5 week premature baby needs any visitors PERIOD. She should delay her visit until at least the original due date.

 

Of course, it's a little late now isn't it? :tongue_smilie:

 

:iagree: i would insist on a face mask,nhand sanitizer, and I wouldnt allow her to hold the baby. I know RSV is a huge risk for preemies, a risk which may carry life-long complications. I cant believe the woman (mil) wouldnt be more considerate.

[Denisemomof4]

Aso, not sure where baby resides, but bundling up and visiting outside would be better thsn inviting germs i to the house.

[Nakia]

As a nurse who takes care of newborns, including those born at 35 weeks, I would not allow her to visit if the newborn was my patient. No way. The hospital employees can, and should, deny her the right to visit. It's just not worth it. There's a reason that "full term" is considered 38 weeks. 35 weekers can go either way, truly.

 

As a mom, if I were your sil, I'd tell my dh that he better call her and tell her she can't be around the baby if she has a cold, unless she wears a mask and gloves AT ALL TIMES. It might make her mad, but the baby is much more important than the grandmother's feelings. And who in the world just decides to hop on a plane and visit a brand new mom and preemie baby without asking??? Weird.

[UmMusa]

My sister just called me. Her MIL is flying in to see them today because my sister just had a baby (5 weeks early but doing great). Sister said that her MIL wouldn't admit it but she could tell by the sound of her voice that she has a cold. With him being a premie and her first child, she is very worried. WWYD??

Congrats on the baby! Since she just had the baby today, that means they'll be in the hospital a day or two, especially since lil bub came early. Your sister should talk to her husband along with nurses about the health of visitors and/or who can visit. Then, in front of DH, she can say that MIL is coming, so please can all y'all ask her before she comes in if she's got a sore throat or cold. If it looks like they'll be home by the time MIL gets in, then still have this conversation in front of DH and Nurse, and then say that MIL is coming to our house... DH should be told who to let in the house and under what precautionary measures.

 

Even if she's in the house, she could just not hold the baby.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

I was going to say not to worry about it, but then I saw "preemie." I would require MIL to wear a mask and wash her hands before holding baby (or touching anything baby might touch.)

:iagree:

[Kertie]

Important for Grandma to meet baby, yes.

 

More important for baby NOT to end up in the hospital with a life threatening illness, b/c Grandma brought an illness into the house.

 

And honestly? Yes, I would wear a mask, etc, if I had a preemie in the house, without hesitation. Sure, it wouldn't be fun, but any amt of hassle beats a NICU stay. Hands down.

 

I've never had a preemie, but have known more than one family that has, and their immune systems are very vulnerable and fragile.

 

Just to clarify...of course it's more important that the baby not get a life-threatening illness. I just think it's possible for Grandma to meet baby AND not give the baby a life-threatening illness. :D Disease isn't spread by looking at someone, so if hands are washed and a mask worn, what's the big deal? I don't know...maybe I misunderstood the situation...but if a baby is healthy enough to leave the hospital, shouldn't reasonable precautions be enough?

 

Is there truly a chance that a mask-wearing, hand-sanitizing adult could give a 5-weeks-early-but-healthy baby a life-threatening illness??

 

And now ya'll know why I usually stay away from threads like this one;). :lol:

 

:auto:

[cin]

I had two babies born at 35 weeks. They were both hardy and neither had any issues. While many babies born 5 weeks early *do* have problems, it is certainly not universal.

 

You are right, they don't all have problems. And Grandma might just bring up something like this. Unfortunately, one cannot say this until their babies are a wee bit older. I would rather offend grandma and be able to say this, than to cave-in, and 6 mos from now, be posting about how horrible RSV is, and do NOT let anybody visit, etc etc. HINDSIGHT is 20/20. Foresight sucks.

[AuntieM]

Gramma needs to have the law laid down for her; daddy needs to do it. JMO. Also jmo, but I think sil missed the boat by not saying right over the phone, "I prefer that you not come right now."

 

Letting nurses run interference also sounds like a great idea.

 

FWIW, many of these posts referene hand sanitizer, but that stuff won't kill viruses. Good old soap and water scrubbing is necessary.

[Tammyla]

Hotel room for her and I wouldn't allow her near a premie.

 

 

Why are some grandparents so set about doing things without a thought for the grandchild or the parents these days?

Edited February 16, 2012 by Tammyla

[Impish]

Even if she's in the house, she could just not hold the baby.

Admittedly, my interactions w/extended family are 'off', but I've caught MIL racing to my baby's room (Tazzie, at 7-8 mths old) while I was in the bathroom, reaching in the crib to pick him up after being told that she was to NEVER, EVER pick him up. She could barely handle holding him when she was sitting down, trying to pick him up was just dangerous in our opinion.

 

My parents threw a fit when they visited my nephew, who had just undergone heart surgery, and SIL and brother didn't let them hold the baby. Cause they'd driven over 90 mins to be there.

 

Can't imagine what their reaction would have been if they'd flown in :glare:

[MeganW]

Guess I'm a freak;). I think it's important for Grandma to meet the baby.

 

If there are preemie concerns, sanitize hands, wear a mask. If there aren't, just tell Grandma to only kiss the top of baby's head and not sneeze or snot on the baby.

 

If someone wanted to bring a toddler with a cold, that would be a totally different story. But an adult?? What would the mom do if SHE had a cold--wear a mask all day?? I don't know...I'm assuming the baby is at home now, and not in NICU. Seems like the dr. would've given some sort of guideline, you know?

 

As one who had preemies, I'll tell you what we did. Upon discharge from the NICU at 4, 6, & 6 1/2 weeks old, we were told NO VISITORS AT ALL as even a minor cold would likely kill our babies or cause lifetime respiratory issues. I was at home with the babies 100% of the time. I didn't go to the grocery store or anywhere else. DH went to work, but as soon as he got home, he stripped in the laundry room and went straight to the shower to scrub down with antibacterial soap. He got a cold once, and went to live in a hotel for a week.

 

If you had asked me before we had kids if I thought any of that was reasonable, I'd have laughed in your face. That was before we were read the riot act by the NICU, and before I read on my triplet moms' forums about cyber-friends' babies being hospitalized and dying.

 

Mine were 31 weekers, so a month earlier than you are talking about - I'm not sure how much of a difference that would make, though I'm sure there is some.