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Regarding your spouse's feelings about your being a full-time stay-at-home mom...


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My DH was SAHD for a year after my twins were born while changing jobs. I worked full-time that year. I have worked part-time when we needed the income and now I am a SAHM since we moved to homeschooling. My DH is 100% supportive of all of these choices depending on the situation, his mother worked full-time.

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Bill is 100% for me being a SAHM and his mom was a SAHM.

 

HOWEVER, I worked PT out-of-the-house last year with his 100% support and have always had other stuff going on - speaking at women's retreats, writing, etc. While I'm a SAHM this year, I am writing curriculum at home and most likely will be working next year. He's 100% for me doing these things too. Generally he's just 100% for me and together we discern the best gameplan for the present season.

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0% for my being a full-time stay-at-home mom

his mother WAS a ft sahm.

 

Yes, that is zero percent. Not a typo.

 

Are you a sahm anyway? This has been a bone of contention for dh and I too. He seems to want the benefit of a sahm, and the financial cooperation of a wahm. I would have preferred to work outside the home, but not until our kids are grown.....

 

This was a tough question to mull over.

Faithe

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Are you a sahm anyway? This has been a bone of contention for dh and I too. He seems to want the benefit of a sahm, and the financial cooperation of a wahm. I would have preferred to work outside the home, but not until our kids are grown.....

 

This was a tough question to mull over.

Faithe

 

I was briefly. I need to work to keep from going crazy. I find doing the same thing all the time to be mind-numbingly boring. If I didn't have work, I'd be insane. My dh prefers me nut-free. He's also not so keen on either one of us using up the money, but not contributing to earning it. I fully agree, so that's where we are. Child-care has never been an issue because we make it work so that one of us is always home. Dh farms and works a day and a half a week running equipment for our local municipality. I do a couple of part-time jobs that add up to full-time work. One requires me to be gone 2 afternoons a week. The other is done mostly from home with travel about 1 day a week on average. On top of that, I help him with farm work as I am able.

 

I think if you want to work, then find a way with your dh to make it work out for you. There's always a way to do what you want to do, but it's not always exactly the way you want to do it that will work. You have to work to figure that out.

 

YMMV and all the usual disclaimers apply.

 

ETA: Sorry if the last few sentences don't make sense. I'm tired and should have gone to bed already.

Edited by Audrey
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My husband is 100% supportive of me staying home, and his mother was not a SAHM. This was something that we discussed long before we ever talked marriage. He was very forthright about wanting a stay at home wife/mother, and I wanted the same thing. I have always stayed home--even before kids, I don't see that changing when they grow up. We have made many sacrifices through the years so that I could stay home. There have even been times where DH has worked two jobs when money was tight.

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My dh is 100% in favor of my staying home, but he's also made it clear that if my desire was to go back into my career he'd back me 100% as well. His own mom wasn't always a SAHM - she was early on, then took a job in retail on weekends and eventually opened her own daycare center which enabled them to pay 100% for all four of their dc to attend private college which was important to their family.

 

My own mother worked at various times.

 

I had always planned to be a career woman and started out that way - of course I was told I'd never be able to have dc so I think I never thought about being a SAHM. When our oldest was 5.5 I quit working - thinking I would go back at some point - but never felt the desire.

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My husband is __90_____% FOR my being a full-time stay-at-home mom, and his own mother ____was_____ a full time stay and home mom during his childhood.

 

In the beginning, dh supported me working part-time in my field. He felt that his mother was isolated and had no interests outside of her family. All of her time was spent parenting or taking care of her mother (who was healthy, but manipulative.) In a way, her children suffered. Due to all the time spent taking care of Grandma, the kids didn't get to do any activities until they got to high school and had a bus to get them home.

 

After our second was born, we both knew that he needed a full-time SAHM. He was high-need (later found out it was sensory issues.)

 

But, I do feel somewhat isolated as many of my long-time homeschooling friends have graduated their kids or sent them to school. Also, since returning to my former career is not realistic, I am at a crossroads about what to do with the next season of my life.

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