redsnapper Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 My ds8 loves playing sports, outdoors, watching sports with Dad, scouting, video games, etc. He's great in math, not as great in writing. Just like most boys, right? I was watching him tonight at basketball practice. He's a 3rd grader in with 3rd and 4th graders, of which he's likely one of the youngest. While the whole team was goofing off tonight, there's just something about my ds that seems much goofier, more immature than the other boys. Now, I know moms are usually the worrier but I see how goofy he gets, and I see the same kind of kid I remember being made fun of back when I was in school. I worry that in the not too distance future kids will start noticing the difference. There's worrying and then there's foresight. Don't know which this is... Is this time for him to spend more time with Daddy? With his uncles, other men who won't be so amused at his goofiness? The WTH folks talk about removing a Dc from other influences and replacing that with more time with parents as main influencers for a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Is it a personality thing? Some kids are more bubbly than others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 What's wrong with goofy? I think most 8 years olds have a air of goofiness. Is there something more specific that concerns you? What difference are you worried will cause teasing? What is WTH? My son is 14 and still goofy. I do think you can model and teach appropriate times to let loose, but I wouldn't restrain what might be simply a unique personality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 8 and 9 year old basketball was taken too seriously and moved to fast for my ds. Goofiness and extra goofiness seemed his way of coping before he said no more to organized basketball. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In2why Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Of course I don't know what you mean by goofy, but boys are goofy. If he has a good heart and his behavior isn't alienating the majority I wouldn't try to change him. The goofy kids are sometimes even more popular because they are the clown. In fact one of my favorite things about homeschooling is that my kids are still young for.their age, like normal kids not socialized through fads or what others value as popular. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 (edited) What is WTH? I'm not familiar with an organization of that appellation. I homeschool so my little boys can be little boys. I've got four sons, and 3/4 have grown into something socially acceptable by age 13 or so, because they look around and see that it is in their own best interest to blend in a little better. Up to about age 11 or 12, if society doesn't like their style I keep them out of society. Unashamedly. I find normal people who think little boys should be somewhat goofy at age 8 and we'll be friends with them. If one of my boys were unhappy or lonely, or developing some sort of a complex because of weird reactions of other humans before he was 12 or 13 I would certainly help him out. And of course I work on acceptable public behavior with my little kids. They aren't allowed to be destructive or rude. But if he's just being a happy little boy I would guard that with my whole life. If anybody on the planet has a right to be happy and goofy it is an 8yo child. Edited January 31, 2012 by Tibbie Dunbar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I was watching him tonight at basketball practice. He's a 3rd grader in with 3rd and 4th graders, of which he's likely one of the youngest. While the whole team was goofing off tonight, there's just something about my ds that seems much goofier, more immature than the other boys. Now, I know moms are usually the worrier but I see how goofy he gets, and I see the same kind of kid I remember being made fun of back when I was in school. I worry that in the not too distance future kids will start noticing the difference. I come down on the side of the goofy. I was troubled by a goofy brother, but he grew up into a **real mensch**. Goofy-genes are one of the reasons I homeschool. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsnapper Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 WTH is "Well Trained Heart", written by the CQLA language arts folks, if you know that one. It was a great book I recommend it. I think goofiness is definitely part of ds's personality, and I too love that part of him, and want him not to grow up too fast, like he would have at ps. But kids can mature, while still maintaining innocence. I guess I'm talking about his not knowing when it's time to be serious and when it's goof around time. At bball tonight he could be goofy when everyone else understood it was time to settle down and listen to coach. BTW, it is Upward bball which is very low key and low competitively. He's got a great coach whose very knowlegdeable, very patient, and very age appropriate. Maybe I should ask his opinion, if he sees my ds' behavior as needing addressing or if it's concerning. And I don't mean that we'd apply consequences or something, just maybe have him spend more time with Dad than usual, "working" around the house on jobs: reparing the sink, building the garden box, prepping the yard for spring, etc. Good character building jobs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 WTH is "Well Trained Heart", written by the CQLA language arts folks, if you know that one. It was a great book I recommend it. I think goofiness is definitely part of ds's personality, and I too love that part of him, and want him not to grow up too fast, like he would have at ps. But kids can mature, while still maintaining innocence. I guess I'm talking about his not knowing when it's time to be serious and when it's goof around time. At bball tonight he could be goofy when everyone else understood it was time to settle down and listen to coach. BTW, it is Upward bball which is very low key and low competitively. He's got a great coach whose very knowlegdeable, very patient, and very age appropriate. Maybe I should ask his opinion, if he sees my ds' behavior as needing addressing or if it's concerning. And I don't mean that we'd apply consequences or something, just maybe have him spend more time with Dad than usual, "working" around the house on jobs: reparing the sink, building the garden box, prepping the yard for spring, etc. Good character building jobs. I hadn't heard about that book, but I've only ever heard good things about CQLA. I'll look around for it. I think you've got the answers, yourself. Here are three things you've said: 1. He's younger than the other boys 2. Maybe you should talk to the coach to see if there really is a problem 3. Maybe it's time to gently nudge him toward some more bonding with Daddy So I think you have figured the situation correctly. I think you are being wise about this. If the coach can handle how he's acting, let him. (By 'handle' I mean if coach is fine with working around ds's relative immaturity, force yourself to be fine with it, too, or if the coach has a way of helping him adjust to the group that doesn't conflict with your parenting philosophies then let the coach give it a try). If the coach thinks he's too young for the team, go with that. If the coach doesn't see a problem but you don't think ds is getting anything out of the experience (or he's making things worse for the team) just pull him without much comment and try again when he's older. Nothing wrong with waiting a year or two, especially for a league like Upward. But I bet the coach will be willing to talk about it. He'll probably tell you not to worry. #3, spending more time with Daddy, is always good, IMVHO. Boys and Daddies ought to be together as much as possible! I was interested in your post because I'm gently helping my 7yo transition in some ways right now. He is such a Mama's boy! He's the baby of the family, so I've let him act like it for a long time past the age where his brothers were following Daddy more. He's still going to get all the hugs, kisses, snuggles, and cookies his little heart desires, because I can't help myself, but we're branching out, as well. I'm sending him off with his big teen brothers more, and DH is spending much more time with just him. I'm not worried about him. I just think he'd be having more fun if he'd step a few more feet away from me sometimes! So I sympathize, even while I believe we shouldn't be pounding them into society's accepted molds or rushing their childhoods. There's a line there, IMO. A child who likes himself and loves his life...that trumps everything. That beats any plan we might have to move them along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 You said that he's one of the youngest boys. So it's normal and developmentally appropriate for him to be more immature. Unless you decide to take him out and put him back in with boys that are a bit younger than him, I don't see how you can somehow "man him up". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 You said that he's one of the youngest boys. So it's normal and developmentally appropriate for him to be more immature. Unless you decide to take him out and put him back in with boys that are a bit younger than him, I don't see how you can somehow "man him up". Agreed. I don't think there is much you should do at this time. He's just a young boy. They act goofy. If you are still worried at 12, then I'd look into it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 my boys are 11 and 7. Goofy seems to rule the day around here. I refer to them as the puppy pile. FWW, I grew up in a house of all girls. These boys are waaaaay goofier than me and my sisters ever were. That's my story and I am sticking to it. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I homeschool so my little boys can be little boys. I've got four sons, and 3/4 have grown into something socially acceptable by age 13 or so, because they look around and see that it is in their own best interest to blend in a little better. Up to about age 11 or 12, if society doesn't like their style I keep them out of society. Unashamedly. I find normal people who think little boys should be somewhat goofy at age 8 and we'll be friends with them. If one of my boys were unhappy or lonely, or developing some sort of a complex because of weird reactions of other humans before he was 12 or 13 I would certainly help him out. And of course I work on acceptable public behavior with my little kids. They aren't allowed to be destructive or rude. But if he's just being a happy little boy I would guard that with my whole life. If anybody on the planet has a right to be happy and goofy it is an 8yo child. I am going to follow you around the board saying, "I heart Tibbie." This is the second time today I've thought, "Yeah, that. Exactly." To the OP, I have a goofy youngish 11 y.o. and a goofy youngish 9 y.o. (My 7 y.o. just has that gift of blending. He fits in wherever he goes.) Sometimes they're a little out of step with the people around them. They seem immature in a goofy youngish way. And then they turn around and in their innocence and exuberance they blow me away with their wisdom and their sweetness because they haven't learned how they're "supposed" to think and behave. My plan is to let the boys their age grow up a little more so that they can tolerate and accept people as they are, even if they're a little different. Then maybe they can play with my boys. ;) Seriously, for specific off-putting behaviors, I do like The Unwritten Rules of Friendship. It's a book on how to coach kids in social behaviors, a very gentle breakdown of specific behaviors and how to teach positive ways for kids to interact. It might be worth checking out from the library to see if any of the chapters might give you some ideas for some gentle coaching. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 But if he's just being a happy little boy I would guard that with my whole life. If anybody on the planet has a right to be happy and goofy it is an 8yo child. Beautifully said! Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 He is not a man. He is a little boy. A goofy fun kid. Enjoy it while it lasts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitchen table academy Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Boo is 8 and one of the sweetest boys you're likely to ever meet. Now, that doesn't meant that he can't be goofy at times. Most of the time, he is a real sweetie who is very, very hyper. Some people find his "boing boing I love you! boing" attitude very difficult to handle (such as our church's children's ministry workers, may God bless their souls lol.) Personally, I think it is one of his strong suits and a part of his personality that I would like for him to keep as he grows. Hopefully he will learn to reign himself in as he gets older and not be so "la la la-spin in circles-boing- bounce off wall-sing into a pretend microphone-push brother-give someone a hug" as he gets older. Most men find Boo to be odd. I often hear comments such as "he acts like a sissy" or "he needs to learn how to be a boy/man". I think that men have a hard time understanding that even though my boy is 8, is more like a 4-6 year old neurologically and doesn't really grasp that the finer points of typical boy behavior. He's still very sensitive to teasing or harsh language, cries at the drop of a hat (mostly over nothing) and has trouble making friends with kids his own age (which is why most of his friends are Princess's age.) I'd say that being goofy is a) a boy thing and b) perfectly normal for an 8 year old boy (or a 6 year old girl, lol). If you are really concerned that perhaps your son is not grasping the finer points of boy socialization on the team, talk to the coach and perhaps move him to another team where he would be one of the older kids. If that's not possible, maybe the coach could have your son do some extra work, like helping set up/take down practice equipment. Maybe dad could shoot free throws with him some time or start taking him to the gym, pool or b-ball court 1-2 times a week so he could be around big guys in a sports setting?? Maybe that would help him learn how to act in that setting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I sort of had this problem with my 6 yo when she first started gymnastics. I watched how she was being silly, paying more attention to the other kids and playing around instead of listening. I told her that I was not spending 50 a month for her to be silly. If she wanted to be silly she would not be doing it in a class. And I told her that she was there to do gymnastics, not goof off. I told her that I would be watching her and if I needed to pull her off the floor at class I would. ANd if it continued to be a problem that she would not be taking. I had to call her out 2 times and she reformed. I would definitely give the coach a heads up that you wish he would call out your boy on his behavior. Probably having a man tell him to knock it off would help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 So you are worried that your 8 year old isn't acting man enough? Sorry, but THAT is a bit goofy in my book. He sounds like an 8 year old (boy or girl because girls can be equally goofy). I really do think we tend to amplify what our own kids are doing/not doing. I imagine you are noticing this far more than anyone else. Based on my non scientific anecdotal observations homeschooled kids tend to have less of a guard over their behavior because they don't spend as much time being made fun of (so perhaps they feel they can be themselves). :iagree: I also really dislike the phrase "man up" when it comes to little boys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I guess I'm talking about his not knowing when it's time to be serious and when it's goof around time. At bball tonight he could be goofy when everyone else understood it was time to settle down and listen to coach. I'll be the odd person out here, but as a parent of one of the other kids, I would not appreciate a kid acting goofy while my kid is trying to get something out of the practice. If this was something big enough for you to notice and post here, I am guessing it is big enough for the other parents to notice as well. If this was my 7yo, I would have a problem with his behavior. If it was time to listen to the coach and practice drills or whatever, then that is what he should be doing. Just like when it's time to listen to mom and do schoolwork, that's what we do. Being goofy is what you do before practice, during breaks, and after practice. We have lots of goofiness and crazy boy behavior :willy_nilly: in 2Squared Land, but goofiness has a time and a place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 The only thing that will cure goofiness (or any other socially unacceptable behavior) is to spend more time with those more socially advanced. Eventually your boy will be teased out of his goofiness. It might break his heart, but he won't be goofy anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Goofy is age appropriate, imo. However. If he's being disruptive, etc, then there's nothing wrong w/telling him he pays attention, behaves, or it's the end of basketball. I'm not a fan of spending time and money on an extra curric, only to have the kid not engage and get diddly out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 my boys are 11 and 7. Goofy seems to rule the day around here. I refer to them as the puppy pile. FWW, I grew up in a house of all girls. These boys are waaaaay goofier than me and my sisters ever were. That's my story and I am sticking to it. ;) I had one serious sister. I prefer my goofy boy. When they reach puberty, and you can see the brain cells dropping while they try to do school, it's nice to know a silly song or comment will help lighten the mood. I am going to follow you around the board saying, "I heart Tibbie." This is the second time today I've thought, "Yeah, that. Exactly." My plan is to let the boys their age grow up a little more so that they can tolerate and accept people as they are, even if they're a little different. Then maybe they can play with my boys. ;) Cat I heart Tibbie too! She is immortalized on my fridge for another comment! :D I was lamenting the other day how is seems our current society wants everyone to be the same. My ds played Upward, he enjoyed the interaction, but I'm not sure he ever took a shot at the basket. He was great about passing the ball to those that wanted the shot. He's just not in sports. He's artsy and into computers and gaming. He can also do minor construction, thanks to dh. He also has a great amount of self-esteem, something I lost in school. I'm in my 40s and still deal with it. Ds really likes who he is as a person, and realizes he is different. He likes it that way. He says "I am unique, like everyone else". We've read a lot of biographies of people who are very much individual thinkers and doers. I believe it helped ds see that his quirky behavior was not unusual. He might feel different than his peers and that's okay. If kids are going to make fun of an individual, especially at 8-10 years of age, and especially at something like an Upward event, then my kid doesn't need to be there. My ds was accepted well at our Upward event even though we didn't attend church there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faith_hope_love Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 ime that behavior comes when the kid is not comfortable...maybe views his skills as 'the worst on the team', maybe doesn't read the situation well, but he's reached the max in what he can learn in the group setting. This is the first thing that came to my mind too. Whenever my son feels anxious or overwhelmed/overstimulated by the environment he's in, he expresses those feelings through goofiness. I've found that in group settings he's more at ease around kids a bit younger (not too young- maybe a year or less). -Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsnapper Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 I'll be the odd person out here, but as a parent of one of the other kids, I would not appreciate a kid acting goofy while my kid is trying to get something out of the practice. If this was something big enough for you to notice and post here, I am guessing it is big enough for the other parents to notice as well. If this was my 7yo, I would have a problem with his behavior. If it was time to listen to the coach and practice drills or whatever, then that is what he should be doing. Just like when it's time to listen to mom and do schoolwork, that's what we do. Being goofy is what you do before practice, during breaks, and after practice. We have lots of goofiness and crazy boy behavior :willy_nilly: in 2Squared Land, but goofiness has a time and a place. See now this is what I'm talking about, thank yo 2Squared :) . The difference in his behavior, how it will affect the other team members, and how it will be viewed. I don't want to pull him off the team. The older boys are good for him. But part of growing up, is his learning when and where to apply certain behaviors. I Love Love Love his goofiness. When the timing is appropriate. When he's at practice, in Sunday school, or at home during school time, goofiness is not appropriate. I know I can't expect an 8yo to have that mastered, but seeing his lack of judgement has raised my awareness as a parent to an area we are letting slip. My dh specifically remembers a kid in Jr high who came into 7th grade out of hs. This kid was nice, but immaturely hyper. Until social pressure forced him to tone it down. But the kid suffered a little socially before he was able to settle.into Jr. High. I don't want that to be my son. I am NOT saying that at 8yo my son should shed all signs of childhood. Heavens no! I am NOT saying he needs to be macho. That's why I put "manning up" in quotes. I needed a short phrase for my post title that described my question. Clearly i need to put more thought into my titles.... But there is a point at which boys MUST pull away from Momma 's apron strings and begin to follow in the footsteps of his daddy more. And while I'm learning that's a process, not something that happens at a certain birthday and he's ripped from my arms. There is a time when it needs be more purposeful. I guess I was looking for more advice from moms who have gone through this on when it's time to ramp up the daddy time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 But there is a point at which boys MUST pull away from Momma 's apron strings and begin to follow in the footsteps of his daddy more. And while I'm learning that's a process, not something that happens at a certain birthday and he's ripped from my arms. There is a time when it needs be more purposeful. I guess I was looking for more advice from moms who have gone through this on when it's time to ramp up the daddy time. Until about a year ago dh was a self-employed carpenter. He had a flexible schedule and would take ds to work on occasion. When he was off he would take ds on errands, show him how to do yard work. Ds was little (stature wise) and couldn't really mow safely until 10, even with supervision. They been on several week long trips out of town to work. They bum around together on the weekends. Dh really just folded ds into his everyday life. the flexibility of homeschool allowed him to go out of town with him. Most of those jobs were family so there weren't any issues with his age. Dh takes ds to get his hair cut. They go to a local barber, not a hair salon. So it's a guy experience. All of the puberty and s*x discussions have been with dad. We've discussed them in school, but the more personal issues are dealt with by dad. My parents also are very active with ds. He stays with them every so often and does things with my dad. One reason we moved back closer to family was so ds could have an active relationship with my parents. I don't think it involves a Spartan approach, hand them a sword and tell them come back in a few years, but I think the little interactions with dh can hold great value. Even if my boys go to the grocery it's an event, you can tell by what they purchase that men went shopping. :lol: The little things add up. Dh and ds have a good relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Redsnapper, I would make a modest suggestion. Carve out times in the day for your son to run. If he is the sort that likes a challenge you may want to get a timer/stop watch record his laps and/or windsprints. It is not unusual for boys this age to "spin." Running regularly helps them flare off some of their excess energy in a positive fashion and helps them focus. The added physical strength and endurance is nice side benefit. I would suggest starting some new routines. Do a "pre-schooling" run in the morning, maybe another in the afternoon and then again in the evening (before or after practices). For many boys this is very "calming" and running does them good. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YLVD Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Boys are goofy and some just take time to grow up a bit and others take a very long time. I think that it's just a natural progression Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southernm Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 See now this is what I'm talking about, thank yo 2Squared :) . The difference in his behavior, how it will affect the other team members, and how it will be viewed. I don't want to pull him off the team. The older boys are good for him. But part of growing up, is his learning when and where to apply certain behaviors. I Love Love Love his goofiness. When the timing is appropriate. When he's at practice, in Sunday school, or at home during school time, goofiness is not appropriate. I know I can't expect an 8yo to have that mastered, but seeing his lack of judgement has raised my awareness as a parent to an area we are letting slip. My dh specifically remembers a kid in Jr high who came into 7th grade out of hs. This kid was nice, but immaturely hyper. Until social pressure forced him to tone it down. But the kid suffered a little socially before he was able to settle.into Jr. High. I don't want that to be my son. I am NOT saying that at 8yo my son should shed all signs of childhood. Heavens no! I am NOT saying he needs to be macho. That's why I put "manning up" in quotes. I needed a short phrase for my post title that described my question. Clearly i need to put more thought into my titles.... But there is a point at which boys MUST pull away from Momma 's apron strings and begin to follow in the footsteps of his daddy more. And while I'm learning that's a process, not something that happens at a certain birthday and he's ripped from my arms. There is a time when it needs be more purposeful. I guess I was looking for more advice from moms who have gone through this on when it's time to ramp up the daddy time. My soon to be 7 yo acts like this at gymnastics. Honestly, I think it's his reaction to being nervous. I try to talk to him about what type of behaviors I expect of him and give him examples. It is very frustrating to watch him misbehave and distract others from listening to instructions. I've also noticed that if another child is acting wild he will feed off that and be wild himself. I often tell him to "lock it down" meaning get in control of yourself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I'll be the odd person out here, but as a parent of one of the other kids, I would not appreciate a kid acting goofy while my kid is trying to get something out of the practice. If this was something big enough for you to notice and post here, I am guessing it is big enough for the other parents to notice as well. If this was my 7yo, I would have a problem with his behavior. If it was time to listen to the coach and practice drills or whatever, then that is what he should be doing. Just like when it's time to listen to mom and do schoolwork, that's what we do. Being goofy is what you do before practice, during breaks, and after practice. We have lots of goofiness and crazy boy behavior :willy_nilly: in 2Squared Land, but goofiness has a time and a place. :iagree: My 10yo left Cub Scouts because he just couldn't handle the silly, obnoxious behavior of the other boys. They wouldn't listen, there was a lot of time wasted trying to get them organized, etc. I really don't tolerate goofy and silly very well, though, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Haven't read all of the responses yet, and maybe someone has mentioned this, but homeschooling moms have to watch and guard against sissifying their boys. Yep, I know this pisses a lot of you off. No I don't have a problem with the term sissy. You all know a sissy when you see one. Yes I know the difference between boys who know how to be caring and blahblah. That's not what I mean. I'm talking about boys who never get a chance to be a boy. And there is a limit to how much goofiness should be tolerated, imo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 There's nothing more manly than a guy who is secure and confident in who he is. Part of how he gets that way is influenced by his family. A loving, accepting family helps to produce such men IMO. He's 8 - not 18! Love him for who he is and enjoy his goofiness. A sense of humor is a great gift. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Redsnapper, I would make a modest suggestion. Carve out times in the day for your son to run. If he is the sort that likes a challenge you may want to get a timer/stop watch record his laps and/or windsprints. It is not unusual for boys this age to "spin." Running regularly helps them flare off some of their excess energy in a positive fashion and helps them focus. The added physical strength and endurance is nice side benefit. I would suggest starting some new routines. Do a "pre-schooling" run in the morning, maybe another in the afternoon and then again in the evening (before or after practices). For many boys this is very "calming" and running does them good. Bill :iagree: Not unlike puppies. :D astrid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I guess I'm talking about his not knowing when it's time to be serious and when it's goof around time. At bball tonight he could be goofy when everyone else understood it was time to settle down and listen to coach. I don't think this is purely a goofiness issue. I think it's a respect issue. You need to have a talk with him about time and place. There's an appropriate setting for goofiness, but while an adult is speaking is NOT it. The other kids probably get this b/c they are in school and have more practice with the whole teacher talking/teacher not talking, okay to socialize thing. I think homeschooled kids need more intentional training on this sometimes. It's easy for them to equate time with peers to a playdate/fun time/goofy time, since they are not used to being instructed in the presence of peers. I'd just focus in on what the expectations are during practice and how you are going to be watching to make sure he is quiet and respectful when the coach is speaking. Consequences for failing to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I think it's a respect issue. You need to have a talk with him about time and place. There's an appropriate setting for goofiness, but while an adult is speaking is NOT it. I agree with this. The original post made it sound like this kind of goofiness was happening while all the boys were goofing around and was merely out-of-sync with the other boys. That's a separate issue from goofing off while an adult is speaking. And, respectfully, I do agree that boys need to be molded into men, and that fathers are important in that process, but I don't quite see the connection between respectful/goofy behavior at basketball practice and apron strings. It sounds like you're seeing something in the behavior that connects the two, but I'd treat basketball behavior as one issue and spending time with Dad as another. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virg Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I homeschool so my little boys can be little boys. I've got four sons, and 3/4 have grown into something socially acceptable by age 13 or so, because they look around and see that it is in their own best interest to blend in a little better. Up to about age 11 or 12, if society doesn't like their style I keep them out of society. Unashamedly. I find normal people who think little boys should be somewhat goofy at age 8 and we'll be friends with them. If one of my boys were unhappy or lonely, or developing some sort of a complex because of weird reactions of other humans before he was 12 or 13 I would certainly help him out. And of course I work on acceptable public behavior with my little kids. They aren't allowed to be destructive or rude. But if he's just being a happy little boy I would guard that with my whole life. If anybody on the planet has a right to be happy and goofy it is an 8yo child. :iagree: My boys are 11 and exceedingly goofy! It can be obnoxious but they are little boys having fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 It is rude to the coach and unfair to the other players. I would think a mom is fine to gently explain that his behavior is inappropriate. If that didn't improve things, I would try again without the gentle part. This is not to say that spending lots of good time with dad would not be great. The more the better. But if dad can't be there for practice, you can handle it fine, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 (edited) But there is a point at which boys MUST pull away from Momma 's apron strings and begin to follow in the footsteps of his daddy more. And while I'm learning that's a process, not something that happens at a certain birthday and he's ripped from my arms. There is a time when it needs be more purposeful. I guess I was looking for more advice from moms who have gone through this on when it's time to ramp up the daddy time. My son spends all day with his Daddy, who, although a muscly carpenter, is moosh emotionally. I'm the hard-a**. I am certainly slowly pressing "guts" upon him, but I'd do the same to a daughter. Goofy and wimpy are not the same thing. Edited February 3, 2012 by kalanamak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I am certainly slowing pressing "guts" upon him, but I'd do the same to a daughter. Wait, what? What are you doing to him? Sorry, I can't stop giggling at the idea of someone mashing innards against her son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Wait, what? What are you doing to him? Sorry, I can't stop giggling at the idea of someone mashing innards against her son. Insisting he "man up" in certain situations, i.e. "have some guts". He'd love real innards. He likes to dissect. I'm eagerly awaiting a nice fresh road kill so we can see fresh innards without formaldehyde in them. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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