Michelle T Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Okay, so I'm not talking about TALKING chats, but the body language type of chats that are so fun to be woken up for! Editing to add that I'm not talking about waking up DH in the middle of the night for s%x specifically. I mean just wanting a lot more s^x than he does. Am I the only one who is much more interested in "chatting" than her DH? I'd be happy to chat a couple times a week, DH is fine with a couple times a month, or less. He's always been this way, it's not stress or depression, or anything like that. It's just how he is. Those couple times a month, he is quite happy to "talk", but that doesn't lead to a desire for more chatting. His "conversation skills" are just fine, that's not the problem either. It's so taken for granted that guys are always eager for s#x, that they are usually after their wives for more, and it's the wife who turns them down. It kind of makes me feel like a freak, or like DH is a freak, or something is wrong with both of us. So, (huge blushing going on here) anyone else in the same boat? How do you keep from feeling bad about it? Michelle T, who is embarrassed to have admitted this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pensguys Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 My need to chat depends on where my hormones are at the time. :glare: Sometimes I'm up for chatting more often, and sometimes I'm not. For DH it depends on how his day went (rough day at the office), how he sleeping was the night before. We chat at least once/week but sometimes more and sometimes less. We're both happy with that timetable. Sometimes it takes more work for ME because I have to get my head into it during the day/evening if I don't feel like it physically (hormones are in the wrong phase of the moon). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Just checking in to say that since I can't post anon I'm keeping my mouth shut...............for once! You guys are cracking me up! Is there anything we don't discuss here?? 8) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2legomaniacs Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Just checking in to say that since I can't post anon I'm keeping my mouth shut...............for once! You guys are cracking me up! Is there anything we don't discuss here?? 8) :iagree::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
percytruffle Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Okay, so I'm not talking about TALKING chats, but the body language type of chats that are so fun to be woken up for! Am I the only one who is much more interested in "chatting" than her DH? I'd be happy to chat a couple times a week, DH is fine with a couple times a month, or less. He's always been this way, it's not stress or depression, or anything like that. It's just how he is. Those couple times a month, he is quite happy to "talk", but that doesn't lead to a desire for more chatting. His "conversation skills" are just fine, that's not the problem either. It's so taken for granted that guys are always eager for s#x, that they are usually after their wives for more, and it's the wife who turns them down. It kind of makes me feel like a freak, or like DH is a freak, or something is wrong with both of us. So, (huge blushing going on here) anyone else in the same boat? How do you keep from feeling bad about it? Michelle T, who is embarrassed to have admitted this. You are not a freak; you just described me exactly! (and I am not a freak either ;)). I have always wanted more "chat time" than dh and it took years for me to not feel like a freak because of it. It isn't really so much that he isn't as interested as me, he is just the kind of person who lives a lot of his life in his head (think scientist here). So, even if he is thinking about chatting he never actually initiates the conversation, if you kwim. If I do he is usually more than happy to converse. So, I've had to start more conversations over the years than I've been comfotable doing, but it has gotten easier and more natural. So, don't feel badly about your desire to converse. We are all wired differently and some of us women do love to chat! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
percytruffle Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 :iagree::lol: Hey, now you're all just makin' me look bad for responding. ;) Come on, I know you're all just closet chatters....hehehe:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2legomaniacs Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Hey, now you're all just makin' me look bad for responding. ;) Come on, I know you're all just closet chatters....hehehe:lol: I don't chat! There! So there's my closet secret. ;):lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 We chat all the time. Sometimes 3 times a day. Sometimes once. Sometimes not all day. I would say average of......well, I just asked dear boyfriend - he said average of 15 times a week. I might have said 9 or 10. You get the point! I would be frustated if I were you. Are you by any chance in your late 20's early 30's? Or even 40's? I think it starts in the late 20's and keeps going from there. I am 36 and from what I hear the 40's are even more fabulous! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pensguys Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 So, I've had to start more conversations over the years than I've been comfotable doing, but it has gotten easier and more natural. This is us too...I just chalked it up to me being so much younger than dh. :tongue_smilie: Usually I'll give him our "key word" when he comes in from work or later on in the evening and he lets me know if he is too tired or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
percytruffle Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I don't chat! There! So there's my closet secret. ;):lol: Surrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeee, we believe you. :Angel_anim: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jumping In Puddles Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I use to always want to more than my husband (but I never want to be woken up for it!) but after the kids were born I have to admit that I'm more stereotypical now and I really don't want to that much. I'm kind of hoping that changes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle T Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 We chat all the time. Sometimes 3 times a day. Sometimes once. Sometimes not all day. I would say average of......well, I just asked dear boyfriend - he said average of 15 times a week. I might have said 9 or 10. You get the point! I would be frustated if I were you. Are you by any chance in your late 20's early 30's? Or even 40's? I think it starts in the late 20's and keeps going from there. I am 36 and from what I hear the 40's are even more fabulous! My God, 15 times per week? :biggrinjester: You GO, girl! Michelle T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 So, (huge blushing going on here) anyone else in the same boat? How do you keep from feeling bad about it?Michelle T, who is embarrassed to have admitted this. I'm in the same boat but I'm not really embarrassed by it. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisychics Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Just checking in to say that since I can't post anon I'm keeping my mouth shut...............for once! You guys are cracking me up! Is there anything we don't discuss here?? 8) :iagree: :lurk5::blushing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 lol... um, yes... there's certainly an ebb and flow, depending on other factors in dh's life (book deadlines -- ugh!)... but generally speaking, yes, i'd be interested in more frequent "chats" than he. in talking to friends, i don't think we're alone at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I don't chat! There! So there's my closet secret. ;):lol: Oh come on! Never? Not even after a Mikes? And various other assorted drinks? What is it Shaggy says? "It wasn't me!" :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Just checking in to say that since I can't post anon I'm keeping my mouth shut...............for once! You guys are cracking me up! Is there anything we don't discuss here?? 8) Of course not. You were around for the waxing and shaving thread, weren't you? :ohmy: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam "SFSOM" in TN Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 So, (huge blushing going on here) anyone else in the same boat? How do you keep from feeling bad about it? Michelle T, who is embarrassed to have admitted this. When my life was less stressful and his moreso, I was more interested in conversation than he. He would never turn down an opportunity to talk, but it just wasn't priority for him. I would indulge more in casual-type conversation rather than all-out debate, IYKWIM, just to make me happy and not take up as much time in "discussion." That was fine. Now that my life is more stressful, I'm not turning anything down, but I'm more likely to be quiet. My mind is otherwise occupied, generally speaking, and my body is quite tired some days. Nothing to be ashamed of or not. So long as he or you doesn't stop "speaking" to one another, just enjoy that you're more ready to chat than he is and I promise he's not going to be complaining much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I hear you, Michelle, And no, you are not alone. I was the OP on that other thread, and I really was primarily wondering about the "real" chatting, the kind you do with words. The thread has taken on a life of it's own, I guess, and it's fun, but I hear the pain in your question becauseI have been there. I read a good book on the subject called The Sex-Starved Marriage, by Michele Weiner Davis. She describes a s#x-starved marriage as any marriage in which one person wants more than the other. It's not based on any standard number of times per month, or whatever. Anyway, the book helped me a lot by helping me understand my husband, and myselfs. And, it gave helpful suggestions. It's been awhile since I read it, so I don't remember the details. But, things have improved considerably. I don't feel so rejected, and he seems more open to intimacy on all levels. There were other books recommended (on this board, actually, when I asked the same question awhile back). I have them in my Amazon wish list, but haven't felt the need to get them. I'll list them for you, though: Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships, by David Schnarch Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing Your Relationship, by David Schnarch Rekindling Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages, by Barry W. McCarthy Hope you find the help you need. I know it's a lonely place to be. Suzanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mamagistra Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Man, dee-aitch is always up (:lol:) for a chat. :D I'm a little less chatty than I used to be. When I'm pregnant, however, I find that I want to talk. A lot. All the time. :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jami Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Add me to this club. Especially while pregnant. One of our "issues" is that dh takes some meds that make him a little less "chatty" in general, but I find that frequency matters a little bit less when the quality of the "conversations" is high. :001_wub: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 We chat. We chat the heck outta each other. I was not a chatter in my first marriage. What a difference love and respect can make in a marriage! Sometimes I have to chat to myself! :w00t: (Oh, please, you knew I'd go there...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Sometimes I have to chat to myself! :w00t: (Oh, please, you knew I'd go there...) No, Katy, I didn't think you'd go there. Not in public, anyway. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenschooler Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 deleted by me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I hear you, Michelle, I read a good book on the subject called The Sex-Starved Marriage, by Michele Weiner Davis. I just want to second this book recommendation. This is one that you want to own so that you can refer to it as often as need be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula in PA Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 And it drove me crazy. Then we found out he had too-low testosterone levels and too much stress. Exercise, sunshine, and a better diet helped both problems. :D Oh, and actually chatting more helped as well by raising his levels. We want to chat about the same amount now. Also, we had a number of talks (literally) about the problem and how to solve it or reach some kind of compromise. We're a bit more like Karen sn now! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraceinMD Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 yes, i'd be interested in more frequent "chats" than he. in talking to friends... May I just say that, analogous to the booKs/books topics, I think we need some way of distinguishing chatting from chatting (chatting and Chatting? chatting and *hatting? chatting and chattin*?), because I seriously (well, sorta) wondered if abbeyej was talking to friends or "talking" to friends - which struck me as VERY out of character for her - but then again, who can tell on a message board? Ya think ya know someone! On the other thread someone talked about chatting in the car (but I was thinking that poster was talking about chattin* in the car :auto::driving:, and while bike riding or something like that) and my head was spinning.... :001_huh: Carry on. (Any way you want.) :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jami Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 ... May I just say that, analogous to the booKs/books topics, I think we need some way of distinguishing chatting from chatting (chatting and Chatting? chatting and *hatting? chatting and chattin*?), because I seriously (well, sorta) wondered if abbeyej was talking to friends or "talking" to friends - which struck me as VERY out of character for her - but then again, who can tell on a message board? Ya think ya know someone! On the other thread someone talked about chatting in the car (but I was thinking that poster was talking about chattin* in the car :auto::driving:, and while bike riding or something like that) and my head was spinning.... :001_huh: Carry on. (Any way you want.) :001_smile: :lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Add me to this club. Especially while pregnant. One of our "issues" is that dh takes some meds that make him a little less "chatty" in general, but I find that frequency matters a little bit less when the quality of the "conversations" is high. :001_wub: My dh takes meds too that effect this. Even before meds, he was not a big "chatter". Okay, when we were still teenagers - he loved to chat... more info than you needed, huh? I used to feel like it was me. I was younger and really thought it was all about me. We had LITERAL talks about this and I understand him better now. We pretty much always chat once a week and usually twice. I am fine with that unless my hormones say otherwise. Then I could chat and chat and chat some more. I am so glad to know I am not the only one. The other thing dh and I figured out is that normal work and life stress play into this. When we go away on a vacation alone, we chat the week away. Okay, I am going to fold my laundry now. My dh won't believe this discussion!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
genie Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 ... May I just say that, analogous to the booKs/books topics, I think we need some way of distinguishing chatting from chatting :001_smile: It can get confusing, can't it? I have no suggestion for the general term, but I will admit that, for some reason :confused:, Rich with Kids' post made me want to rename her Master Chatter. I have no idea why. :confused1: :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jugglin'5 Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Man, dee-aitch is always up (:lol:) for a chat. :D I'm a little less chatty than I used to be. When I'm pregnant, however, I find that I want to talk. A lot. All the time. Yep, that's the state of things here, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancypants Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I'll probably come back and delete this soon so that it's not eternally on some google search! LOL Told you I'd come and delete it!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancypants Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 ... May I just say that, analogous to the booKs/books topics, I think we need some way of distinguishing chatting from chatting (chatting and Chatting? chatting and *hatting? What about chaTTing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*anj* Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I think it's very normal. I have discussed this at length with some of my friends and it is just more common than you might realize. As others have said, my desire to chat has much to do with hormonal cycles. For dh, I think it's connected more to stress level, tiredness, etc. He is less talkative in his 40's than he was in his 20's, but he still very much likes to talk. So no, you're not weird, and your dh probably isn't either. Oh, and Pam I am going back to try and rep you for the "little chat" vs. "long conversation" analogy. You crack me up! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 For me, it really depends on the time of month. I woke my DH up today to "chat" and he didn't mind at all :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsmom Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 We chat. We chat the heck outta each other. I was not a chatter in my first marriage. What a difference love and respect can make in a marriage! Sometimes I have to chat to myself! :w00t: (Oh, please, you knew I'd go there...) :eek: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 :lol: Is it Wednesday again...Time for those two minutes of heaven.. :lol: So no, you're not weird, and your dh probably isn't either. Oh, and Pam I am going back to try and rep you for the "little chat" vs. "long conversation" analogy. You crack me up! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*anj* Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 :lol: Is it Wednesday again...Time for those two minutes of heaven.. :lol: Yeah, you'd better put the recycling out first though. Conditions are perfect There's nothing good on tv.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 It can get confusing, can't it? I have no suggestion for the general term, but I will admit that, for some reason :confused:, Rich with Kids' post made me want to rename her Master Chatter. I have no idea why. :confused1: :D Oh my goodness, I'm glad I didn't have a mouth full of tea when I read that. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalynnrmc Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Okay, so I'm not talking about TALKING chats, but the body language type of chats that are so fun to be woken up for! Editing to add that I'm not talking about waking up DH in the middle of the night for s%x specifically. I mean just wanting a lot more s^x than he does. Am I the only one who is much more interested in "chatting" than her DH? I'd be happy to chat a couple times a week, DH is fine with a couple times a month, or less. He's always been this way, it's not stress or depression, or anything like that. It's just how he is. Those couple times a month, he is quite happy to "talk", but that doesn't lead to a desire for more chatting. His "conversation skills" are just fine, that's not the problem either. It's so taken for granted that guys are always eager for s#x, that they are usually after their wives for more, and it's the wife who turns them down. It kind of makes me feel like a freak, or like DH is a freak, or something is wrong with both of us. So, (huge blushing going on here) anyone else in the same boat? How do you keep from feeling bad about it? Michelle T, who is embarrassed to have admitted this. Didn't read responses. In the same boat here, always have been. The Marriage Bed Maybe this site will be of use to you. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mamagistra Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 It can get confusing, can't it? I have no suggestion for the general term, but I will admit that, for some reason :confused:, Rich with Kids' post made me want to rename her Master Chatter. I have no idea why. :confused1: :D ROFLOL! :smilielol5::smilielol5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Nah, you're not weird. I can't quite recall the name of the program, but I think it was in the 70's - Three's Company? With John Ritter? Have you seen it - and Mr. Roper? His wife was always trying to get him in the mood, LOL. They wrote his character for a reason; it's certainly not unheard of and is probably a lot more common than you might think.... I think Maude was somewhat like that, too, with regard to her relations with her husband.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 :confused:, Rich with Kids' post made me want to rename her Master Chatter. I have no idea why. :confused1: :D Or Mistress Chatter depending on what night it is...*cracks whip* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2legomaniacs Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Or Mistress Chatter depending on what night it is...*cracks whip* Or Lady Chatterley! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doran Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Frankly, my dh would probably like to spend a month with some of you gals. Chatting is one of his favorite pastimes while I tend to be on the quiet side. Go figure. And, while I'm baring all here, I can tell you that plenty are the times when I'd like to be YOU. My only little tidbit of advice comes from the perspective of having worked with a difference in...er...loquaciousness for much of our marriage. It has caused some struggles, I will admit. So, allow me to gently suggest that you just keep the lines of communication about this open and relaxed. Try not to allow his lack of interest to leave you feeling rejected. If, for any reason, you feel that the difference is causing stress in your marriage, by all means talk honestly about that to him and possibly even seek some reading material or counseling to help you both. You didn't really ask for advice, did you? Please forgive me if I've stuck my foot in my mouth here.:blushing: Hugs to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommylawyer Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I'm new here, but WOW, I think I could really grow to love this board! LOL I agree with a PP that my DH would like some of you ladies. DH wants to chat a bit more often than I do... that is, until we decide to have more kids or during the last month of pregnancy. Then, he can't shut me up! Hee, hee. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristavws Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 after following this thread today ;) Krista Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 And it drove me crazy. Then we found out he had too-low testosterone levels and too much stress. Exercise, sunshine, and a better diet helped both problems. :D Oh, and actually chatting more helped as well by raising his levels. We want to chat about the same amount now. Also, we had a number of talks (literally) about the problem and how to solve it or reach some kind of compromise. We're a bit more like Karen sn now! :D Low T here, too. On the one hand, it was a huge relief to find a *reason,* otoh...sometimes I wonder *how* one lives w/ such a thing. Ime, there's really no one to talk to--I haven't found this to be a common situation, & it can be pretty lonely. It seems like mostly you get, "Wow. You're so lucky." Ha. They can't imagine. Whether or not you're actually in the mood, you start to feel pretty unattractive & rejected, even when you know your dh loves you. I wish I could offer more than sympathy, but we're just not there yet. Not being pg helps, though. ;) :grouphug: I hope some of the other suggestions work for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frogpond1 Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 was hanging out on the WTM "Chat boards." You guys crack me up totally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle T Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 It seems like mostly you get, "Wow. You're so lucky." Ha. They can't imagine. Whether or not you're actually in the mood, you start to feel pretty unattractive & rejected, even when you know your dh loves you. . YES! This is it exactly! The feeling unattractive and rejected. It's hard not to take it personally, even though I know DH doesn't mean it that way. Michelle T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.