Why did this woman get angry with me?

[Parrothead]

So I had to go to dance class today for "peek week." Dd has a little friend there and I'm okay with them being friends. But I don't know the mother or the child.

 

I overheard the girl call my dd a diminutive version of her name which dh and I really don't like. After the class I approached the mom who was also there for peek week and told her I'm dd's mom.

 

I was a kind and non-confrontational as I could have been. To keep it simple I just said that we don't do nicknames (not totally true, but how would she know) and I asked if she would just have her daughter call my daughter by her full first name.

 

Well, she got ticked and copped an attitude. I've spent the last 2 hours going over things in my head and trying to figure out what I said that was so offensive, but have no clue.

 

Any ideas? I'll probably never see her again until next year's peek week. But I'm wondering if I ought to go next week and sit just to make sure this woman doesn't say something rude to dd.

 

What would you do?

[PinkInTheBlue]

I probably would have done something similar. However, to know why it rubbed her the wrong way I'd have to know exactly what you said and hear your tone. :) Then again, some people are easily offended and maybe she's already having a rotten day. Who knows? Tone and delivery choice usually can make or break any attempted conversation though.

[DianeW88]

Honestly, I wouldn't even bother with correcting people on this. Both of my sons have names with common nicknames and although dh and I don't often use them.....every. other. person. does. And always will. It is what it is. Both of my sons prefer their nicknames now and that's what their friends address them as. We've learned to love it. :D

[Nakia]

I think she just got offended because some people are always looking for something to be offended about. :glare: Also some people don't take even gentle correction well.

 

I would just be nice and try not to worry about it. I'm sorry that happened.

[beaners]

What would I do? I would let my daughter decide whether or not she wants to be called by the other name. If she didn't care enough to tell the friend, then I definitely wouldn't have said something to the friend's mother. It's possible your daughter even introduced herself as the nickname.

 

I don't think I'd bring it up regarding my 4 year old, to give an idea of the age at which I think a child can make this decision. My 2 year old would be indignant if someone didn't use her name. :001_smile:

[jasar31629]

Since it was her dd, I would have asked my dd to kindly tell her friend she'd rather be called such-n-such rather than s.n.s. The lady should not have reacted that way, but sometimes when a parent approaches another parent over such a minor issue, it becomes larger than it needs to be. I don't know why this is...maybe because it feels for some like a parent should get involved only when the issue is large enough to warrant it? At any rate...brush it off. If you're worried, give your dd a heads up next time you are all slated to meet.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I don't know why people get mad about things like that.

 

I've had the same thing happen over my eldest son's name. He goes by the long version of his actual name (and always introduces himself by the long version), but we do use a nickname informally all the time. His friends often use that nickname.

 

Perfect strangers and new acquaintances often want to call him by the shortened version of his name, but that's not his name! And some of these barely-known people get quite snippy if we tell them that he doesn't go by the name they're calling him. It's like they think they have a right to rename him.

 

:confused:

 

In our opinion the shortened version they always use is an entirely different name. That is just not his name.

[Little Nyssa]

To me, assigning someone a nickname is a sign of affection. I would appreciate the sentiment even if I disliked the name.

[Parrothead]

I probably would have done something similar. However, to know why it rubbed her the wrong way I'd have to know exactly what you said and hear your tone. :) Then again, some people are easily offended and maybe she's already having a rotten day. Who knows? Tone and delivery choice usually can make or break any attempted conversation though.

I was something like, "Hi, I'm Vicky's mom. I just wanted to say that we don't do nicknames, yet I didn't feel right correcting your dd. Would you mind terribly asking her to call Vicky by Vicky instead of Vic."

 

I had an aplogetic, I hate to bother you attitude.

[mom2bee]

Does your daughter care that the girl called her by a nickname? (presumably, your DD knows this fellow dancer better than you do.) If your dd doesn't mind, or likes it even, you probably shouldn't have said anything. Kids have a right to personality and relationships beyond just their parents scope...

 

I'm not sure the other mom was right, but I'd have probably been a little annoyed also. You could've come off as obnoxious, even if you were being cordial. We call it being "nice-nasty" in my family. However, I probably wouldn't have made my annoyance known to you, maybe I'd have just had snippy thought to myself.

 

For what its worth, I answer to my proper first name only. My older sister is the ONLY one, seriously, who may call me by anything but my name. Anyone else doing it annoys me and I'm not shy about letting people know. I never have been. I also give people the option of never saying my name if they find it hard to pronounce it properly. It works out surprisingly well, I'm hard of hearing so you can't talk to me properly without being right by me anyway.

 

Anyway, I always try to get childrens names correct and find out what they like to be called because I'm so picky about my own name. But many people don't understand...

Edited January 17, 2012 by mom2bee

[TranquilMind]

So I had to go to dance class today for "peek week." Dd has a little friend there and I'm okay with them being friends. But I don't know the mother or the child.

 

I overheard the girl call my dd a diminutive version of her name which dh and I really don't like. After the class I approached the mom who was also there for peek week and told her I'm dd's mom.

 

I was a kind and non-confrontational as I could have been. To keep it simple I just said that we don't do nicknames (not totally true, but how would she know) and I asked if she would just have her daughter call my daughter by her full first name.

 

Well, she got ticked and copped an attitude. I've spent the last 2 hours going over things in my head and trying to figure out what I said that was so offensive, but have no clue.

 

Any ideas? I'll probably never see her again until next year's peek week. But I'm wondering if I ought to go next week and sit just to make sure this woman doesn't say something rude to dd.

 

What would you do?

Unless the diminutive was a real slur or insult, I would not have corrected the Mom. I would think that was kind of weird if some Mom I didn't know came up to me, and even kindly told me that her daughter was to be called "Elizabeth" instead of "Liz" (just to use an example, as I don't know what the name was).

 

That just seems a little over the top. I wouldn't get angry with you but I'd be thinking, "WOW! Really? Well Excuuuuse my daughter!" And I'd probably laugh a little. This is between your daughter and the girl. Now if you became friends with the Mom and she regularly called your daughter that, THEN you would have standing to object, I'd think.

 

Just being honest here. Now if it was a slur or an insult or racial or something, then I'd teach my daughter to correct others and wouldn't approach someone's Mom unless my daughter were unable to get the girl to stop.

Edited January 17, 2012 by TranquilMind

[Parrothead]

I don't know why people get mad about things like that.

 

I've had the same thing happen over my eldest son's name. He goes by the long version of his actual name (and always introduces himself by the long version), but we do use a nickname informally all the time. His friends often use that nickname.

 

Perfect strangers and new acquaintances often want to call him by the shortened version of his name, but that's not his name! And some of these barely-known people get quite snippy if we tell them that he doesn't go by the name they're calling him. It's like they think they have a right to rename him.

 

:confused:

 

In our opinion the shortened version they always use is an entirely different name. That is just not his name.

Yes! The bolded is exactly what it is. The shortened version is a name all by itself, but it isn't dd's name.

[mom2scouts]

Honestly, I wouldn't even bother with correcting people on this. Both of my sons have names with common nicknames and although dh and I don't often use them.....every. other. person. does. And always will. It is what it is. Both of my sons prefer their nicknames now and that's what their friends address them as. We've learned to love it. :D

 

:iagree:I have a son who is always called by his full name by family, teachers and his girlfriend. Some of his friends call him by a common nickname. I don't really like it, but if it's an issue to him he can correct it. Honestly, if a woman I'd never met came up to me and introduced herself and then told me that my dd was calling her child by a nickname and it wasn't acceptable, I'd probably think she was really petty. Others have said that "some people are easily offended", but I would leave thinking that *you* were the one easily offended by a child's nickname.

[Danestress]

so maybe it irritated the other woman that you took this up with her. If your daughter doesn't like it, I would expect your daughter to handle it. If she's is reticent to say so, I would role play with her. If the other kid continues to use a nick name to purposely annoy your daughter, THEN I would advocate for her.

 

The reality may be, though, that you don't "do" nick names but your daughter does. I have a son with a name that is easily made into a nick name. I was determined not to let that happy. But by round 7 or 8 years old, it was clear to me that he kind of likes the short hand version. Whatever, it's his name.

 

Anyway, even though I can see why the other woman might inwardly roll her eyes, I don't understand why she was hostile or ugly with you.

[myfunnybunch]

I think she just got offended because some people are always looking for something to be offended about. :glare: Also some people don't take even gentle correction well.

 

I would just be nice and try not to worry about it. I'm sorry that happened.

 

This.

 

In the future, I think I'd teach dd to gently correct friends nicely and directly, with a smile: "Please call me Honeybunch. I prefer that to Honey." :)

 

Cat

[Ipsey]

My best friend in high school had a simple looking name that many people pronounced incorrectly.

It drove me BATS to hear people address her incorrectly. It didn't bother her.

The only times it really mattered to her, when she graduated from college, for instance, she wrote her name in a different way so the person reading to announce the diplomas would get it right.

I just wound up accepting the fact that I was more uptight about her name that she was. And if was a big enough deal to her, she'd correct folks herself.

 

My kids' names are easily "nicked", and though it did bother me at first, I accepted the fact that it was probably inevitable.

 

*of course, my best friends call me by nicknames that don't resemble my actual name at all, and I few it as a signal of intimacy, so yanno, my perspective might be weird* :D

[PinkInTheBlue]

I was something like, "Hi, I'm Vicky's mom. I just wanted to say that we don't do nicknames, yet I didn't feel right correcting your dd. Would you mind terribly asking her to call Vicky by Vicky instead of Vic."

 

I had an aplogetic, I hate to bother you attitude.

 

Ah, in that case it's probably just one of those bad moments or she's just someone likely to be offended by everything. If you're anything like me this is easier said that done, but just let it pass. I agree that I prefer my kids be called by what their name is. I would have mentioned it as well. I'm Jessica. I'm frequently telling people I'm not Jess, Jessie, etc. :)

[Julie in CA]

Unless the diminutive was a real slur or insult, I would not have corrected the Mom. I would think that was kind of weird if some Mom I didn't know came up to me, and even kindly told me that her daughter was to be called "Elizabeth" instead of "Liz" (just to use an example, as I don't know what the name was).

 

That just seems a little over the top. I wouldn't get angry with you but I'd be thinking, "WOW! Really? Well Excuuuuse my daughter!" And I'd probably laugh a little. This is between your daughter and the girl. Now if you became friends with the Mom and she regularly called your daughter that, THEN you would have standing to object, I'd think.

 

Just being honest here. Now if it was a slur or an insult or racial or something, then I'd teach my daughter to correct others and wouldn't approach someone's Mom unless my daughter were unable to get the girl to stop.

:iagree: Unless I had a prior friendly relationship with the mom, I would not have had my first contact with her be about correcting her dd for something that really (I'm sorry) *isn't* a big deal. I'm sorry she wasn't more gracious about it though. :grouphug:

[mom2bee]

Honestly, if a woman I'd never met came up to me and introduced herself and then told me that my dd was calling her child by a nickname and it wasn't acceptable, I'd probably think she was really petty. Others have said that "some people are easily offended", but I would leave thinking that *you* were the one easily offended by a child's nickname.

 

:iagree: to the bolded. I don't know. It just seems oddly petty and a little immature, especially if you don't know the family, like...at all...

[GingerPoppy]

Since it was her dd, I would have asked my dd to kindly tell her friend she'd rather be called such-n-such rather than s.n.s. The lady should not have reacted that way, but sometimes when a parent approaches another parent over such a minor issue, it becomes larger than it needs to be. I don't know why this is...maybe because it feels for some like a parent should get involved only when the issue is large enough to warrant it? At any rate...brush it off. If you're worried, give your dd a heads up next time you are all slated to meet.

:iagree:

Unless I had a prior friendly relationship with the mom, I would not have had my first contact with her be about correcting her dd for something that really (I'm sorry) *isn't* a big deal. I'm sorry she wasn't more gracious about it though.

... and with this.

[Parrothead]

so maybe it irritated the other woman that you took this up with her. If your daughter doesn't like it, I would expect your daughter to handle it. If she's is reticent to say so, I would role play with her. If the other kid continues to use a nick name to purposely annoy your daughter, THEN I would advocate for her.

 

The reality may be, though, that you don't "do" nick names but your daughter does. I have a son with a name that is easily made into a nick name. I was determined not to let that happy. But by round 7 or 8 years old, it was clear to me that he kind of likes the short hand version. Whatever, it's his name.

 

Anyway, even though I can see why the other woman might inwardly roll her eyes, I don't understand why she was hostile or ugly with you.

It isn't that we don't do nicknames. I said that to keep the whole thing simple. Lord knows my nickname is unusual enough. I do actually go by Chucki or Chuck 90 percent of the time.

 

So I wouldn't mind a nickname if the nickname was most anything other than what this other kid was calling my kid. I equate diminutive used to dd being name Sarah and being called Susie.

 

And, no. Dd would not want to upset the other child so she would not say anything.

[bbkaren]

To be completely honest, I'd be a little taken aback that you were upset enough about that issue to "discuss it with the other parent".

 

Maybe she was just surprised that it bothered you that much, or maybe she thought you were pulling a superior attitude?

 

Who knows...I learned a long time ago: People do things for THEIR reasons, not mine.

 

And it gets me through times like this pretty well! :)

[TranquilMind]

Parrothead:I equate diminutive used to dd being name Sarah and being called Susie.

 

 

But those actually ARE two different names, as opposed to being derived from the same name. Sarah is one name and Susan is another (with Susie being the diminutive).

 

Vicky for Victoria is the commonly accepted diminutive for the SAME name.

 

Likewise, Jake for Jacob, Bill or Will for William, Nick for Nicholas, Liz or Beth for Elizabeth, Tammy for Tamara, Jacqui for Jacqueline, etc etc.

[Parrothead]

To be completely honest, I'd be a little taken aback that you were upset enough about that issue to "discuss it with the other parent".

 

Maybe she was just surprised that it bothered you that much, or maybe she thought you were pulling a superior attitude?

 

Who knows...I learned a long time ago: People do things for THEIR reasons, not mine.

 

And it gets me through times like this pretty well! :)

I suppose I just can't win for losing.

 

It isn't kosher to correct someone else's child (which I could have easily done when the child called my child by the incorrect name). Yet it isn't cool to gently ask a parent to do the correcting.

 

To my way of thinking it would have been over the top if I had told dd never to speak to the child again for no reason other than using the wrong name.

[mom2bee]

Just curious, do you have any reason to believe or knowledge of this nickname bothering your daughter? If you didn't even KNOW your daughter was being called Susie instead of Susan (or whatever, clearly I don't really know what the names are) then what makes you think it bothers your daughter?

 

How OLD is your DD?

[Parrothead]

But those actually ARE two different names, as opposed to being derived from the same name. Sarah is one name and Susan is another (with Susie being the diminutive).

 

Vicky for Victoria is the commonly accepted diminutive for the SAME name.

 

Likewise, Jake for Jacob, Bill or Will for William, Nick for Nicholas, Liz or Beth for Elizabeth, Tammy for Tamara, Jacqui for Jacqueline, etc etc.

Yes, I know. That is why it upsets me when someone calls dd by just the first syllable of her name. That first syllable is a name in and of itself.

 

Sorry. It is hard to explain without violating dd's privacy and putting her name on the internet. And try as I might I can't think of another name that would be similar.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

For the life of me I can't see how it is snobby, petty, or superior to want your child to be called by his name!

 

If your child was named Delilah and I called her Delia, would you care?

If your child was named Carolina and I called her Cara, would you care?

If your child was named Jeremiah and I called him Jerry, would you care?

 

This is the type of change Chucki and I are talking about (I think). The nickname might have similar letters to the original name, but it is not a Victoria/Vicky thing, or even a William/Bill. It's a stranger taking it upon themselves to bestow an entirely different (but similar) name.

[Parrothead]

Just curious, do you have any reason to believe or knowledge of this nickname bothering your daughter? If you didn't even KNOW your daughter was being called Susie instead of Susan (or whatever, clearly I don't really know what the names are) then what makes you think it bothers your daughter?

 

How OLD is your DD?

Yes. We talked about it. She's not fond of it but doesn't want to hurt the other girls feelings. Dd said she would like a proper nickname, but does not really want to be called ___.

 

She is a tween.

[simka2]

I suppose I just can't win for losing.

 

It isn't kosher to correct someone else's child (which I could have easily done when the child called my child by the incorrect name). Yet it isn't cool to gently ask a parent to do the correcting.

 

To my way of thinking it would have been over the top if I had told dd never to speak to the child again for no reason other than using the wrong name.

 

 

If it were me, I would have talked with dd. If it was really important to me, I would have asked dd to correct her little friend. I would not approach a parent with this on a first meeting. :grouphug:

[butterflymommy]

You asked for opinions, so please don't think I mean this in a nasty way, but if someone had approached me and and said what you did I would have thought they were nuts... (though I wouldn't have copped an attitude). I would have thought the mom was a control freak and way too uptight (not saying you are those things, just that it would have been my impression).

[GingerPoppy]

I guess if it was me and it was super important to me, I'd wait until much later in the conversation to approach it. Then I'd try to bring it up in an offhand way as part of a story about how much my daughter enjoyed her full name and really appreciated it when people called her that. I think the woman could draw her own conclusions.

[Parrothead]

For the life of me I can't see how it is snobby, petty, or superior to want your child to be called by his name!

 

If your child was named Delilah and I called her Delia, would you care?

If your child was named Carolina and I called her Cara, would you care?

If your child was named Jeremiah and I called him Jerry, would you care?

 

This is the type of change Chucki and I are talking about (I think). The nickname might have similar letters to the original name, but it is not a Victoria/Vicky thing, or even a William/Bill. It's a stranger taking it upon themselves to bestow an entirely different (but similar) name.

Yes. This is it.

 

I used the last bit of my grandmother's first name (this would actually be what the little girl called dd) and the first bit of dh's mom's name and mushed them together to come up with dd's name.

 

The part first part of dd's name is actually short for another longer name.

[Laurie4b]

I wouldn't have attempted to change what a child called one of my kids at a class my child attended once or twice a week. A good friend of my child's, maybe, eventually. But kids will call each other nicknames. I know this sounds weird, but I kind of don't think it's the parent's business in an acquaintance situation like a class. It's between the kids unless it is an abusive nickname. If my child didn't like it, I would teach him to ask the other child to change. But if I didn't like it, I'd just ignore it.

 

I am guessing she copped an attitude because you'd never met before and these kids are not bestest buddies, just kids taking a class together , and you were asking her to correct her kid and her kid didn't do anything wrong. Even if your tone was very nice and all, it could still have come off in her mind as criticizing her child. She should have been polite and just done it, but I can see why it might bug someone. Honestly, if I were you, it would be worth apologizing saying you didn't realize that your request would cause offense--because you didn't, right?

[beaners]

Yes. We talked about it. She's not fond of it but doesn't want to hurt the other girls feelings. Dd said she would like a proper nickname, but does not really want to be called ___.

 

She is a tween.

 

She is old enough to address it on her own. I like the roleplaying suggestion someone else mentioned. I thought we were talking about a young elementary age child. I would be completely floored if a parent of a nearly teen child addressed this to me. I wouldn't be rude, but I'm certain my shock would show through.

[nono]

Maybe she doesn't like Jimmy Buffett? :D

 

Yep, in other words, it might not have to do with what you were actually discussing. Lord knows what, but I'd let it go. Life is short. We are old. :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

Yes. We talked about it. She's not fond of it but doesn't want to hurt the other girls feelings. Dd said she would like a proper nickname, but does not really want to be called ___.

 

She is a tween.

 

My ds will turn 12 this week, and if anyone calls him by a nickname, he is very quick to politely tell the person that he prefers to be called by his real name.

 

But my kid is not at all shy, and has no problem telling anyone else what he thinks... about anything and everything. :tongue_smilie:

 

Honestly, I don't know what the woman got upset about. I could understand if she thought your dd should have simply told her dd that she didn't like the nickname, but it doesn't sound like you gave her any reason to get snippy.

 

Whatever the case, you didn't mean to offend her -- and nothing you said sounded in any way offensive or confrontational -- so I would just chalk it up to the woman having had a bad day, or just being an idiot.

 

Realistically, I think many parents would wonder why you would bring up the nickname thing, when your dd is as old as she is, and should be perfectly capable of standing up for herself if she prefers to be called by her full name. It would be more understandable if she was a pre-schooler, but as a tween, I think she should probably handle things like this on her own. If she's a shy kid and was really upset about the nickname, I guess you could have coached her on what to say the next time the girl uses it, but you know your dd better than anyone else does, and if you thought you were doing the right thing by speaking with the other mom, I'm sure you were.

 

Ultimately, to answer your original question, I don't think you did anything wrong, and if the woman took your comment the wrong way, she's the one with the problem, not you. She should have been polite about it.

[kewb]

I wouldn't have copped an attitude with you but I would probably walk away from that exchange thinking you were a bit of a nutter to be so worked up over a nickname. Then I would have gone home and vented to my dh about the crazy mom who doesn't know me from a hole in the wall and actually had the audacty to make our first meeting about the nickname our dd called hers by.

 

My dd has a beautiful name which her friends have shortened to another name. I hate it. Family attempted to use this name when she was a baby and I corrected them. Dd doesn't mind and likes when her friends call her by it. She is old enough to know what she wants to be called by her friends.

[Parrothead]

Maybe she doesn't like Jimmy Buffett? :D

 

Yep, in other words, it might not have to do with what you were actually discussing. Lord knows what, but I'd let it go. Life is short. We are old. :grouphug:

For real, right.

[mom2bee]

I'm sorry all of this is weighing on you. Ultimately I think you just came off as obnoxious, petty and/or uptight on a very first meeting with another parent. I'm not saying that you ARE, just that this is probably how you were perceived because it was you know...the very first meeting.

 

Lets say your baby is named Josephine and her friend is calling her Jo, (since you said first syllable is a name) I would've probably talked with my DD more and role played and helped her build the confidence and social grace to correct her friend herself, she'd have gotten more out of the experience and the relationship and maybe even gained maturity-wise to deal with this herself but with moms support if it really bothers her.

 

I just think it seems...off for someone to meet and 'correct' me (on behalf of my child) in the same breath. Especially about something I (the parent) probably didn't even know was happening but is in no way 'wrong' (ie my child calling another kid by a perfectly reasonable, if not well-loved nickname.)

[TXBeth]

Yes. We talked about it. She's not fond of it but doesn't want to hurt the other girls feelings. Dd said she would like a proper nickname, but does not really want to be called ___.

 

She is a tween.

 

At that age she needs to either have the courage to address the other girl herself or just resign herself to being called the wrong name. If I were he other mom and this was our first contact, I'd think you were either really snobby or just plain nuts. It seems like there may be other issues here, due to the way you said you "don't mind" if your daughter is friends with her.

[Parrothead]

My ds will turn 12 this week, and if anyone calls him by a nickname, he is very quick to politely tell the person that he prefers to be called by his real name.

 

But my kid is not at all shy, and has no problem telling anyone else what he thinks... about anything and everything. :tongue_smilie:

 

Honestly, I don't know what the woman got upset about. I could understand if she thought your dd should have simply told her dd that she didn't like the nickname, but it doesn't sound like you gave her any reason to get snippy.

 

Whatever the case, you didn't mean to offend her -- and nothing you said sounded in any way offensive or confrontational -- so I would just chalk it up to the woman having had a bad day, or just being an idiot.

 

Realistically, I think many parents would wonder why you would bring up the nickname thing, when your dd is as old as she is, and should be perfectly capable of standing up for herself if she prefers to be called by her full name. It would be more understandable if she was a pre-schooler, but as a tween, I think she should probably handle things like this on her own. If she's a shy kid and was really upset about the nickname, I guess you could have coached her on what to say the next time the girl uses it, but you know your dd better than anyone else does, and if you thought you were doing the right thing by speaking with the other mom, I'm sure you were.

 

Ultimately, to answer your original question, I don't think you did anything wrong, and if the woman took your comment the wrong way, she's the one with the problem, not you. She should have been polite about it.

Thank you.

 

Dd is the type that would let an irritating kid just irritate her to no end as long as she didn't have to confront the other kid. It is something we have worked on for years with varying degrees of success. (If the other kid were causing dd physical pain dd would assert herself.)

[elegantlion]

I probably would have been taken a little aback if that was our first contact with each other. I would not have been snippy or rude about it though.

 

I grew up without a nickname so nicknames are endearing to me. Ds has three and would routinely tell his preschool teacher what name he preferred for the day. :lol:

 

So while I might be initially miffed, I would realize this was important to you and discuss it with my child.

 

I'm old enough to know not to be rude or offended by what someone says during a first meeting. Any time I've reacted poorly I end up eating crow later on, and I don't like crow.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Chucki, if I ever run into you IRL in our alternate universe I'll be happy to buy you a margarita.

 

Signed,

Obnoxious and Petty Nutter

[mommaduck]

If it were me, I would have talked with dd. If it was really important to me, I would have asked dd to correct her little friend. I would not approach a parent with this on a first meeting. :grouphug:

:iagree:

 

:grouphug:

[joannqn]

If your daughter is a tween, she really needs to handle it herself. It'll go over better if she were the one to day, "Hey, could you call me Victoria? I really don't like Vicky." Repeat a few times as needed. If after a few requests, the person is still using the nickname, then it's time for her to say, "I feel you aren't being a good friend by continuing to call me by a name I don't like even after I've asked you a couple of times not to."

 

 

I chose the spelling of my daughter's name to discourage a certain nickname. Further, we adapted a totally different nickname, based on her name, that no one would ever think of using.

[Mommy22alyns]

Since it was her dd, I would have asked my dd to kindly tell her friend she'd rather be called such-n-such rather than s.n.s. The lady should not have reacted that way, but sometimes when a parent approaches another parent over such a minor issue, it becomes larger than it needs to be. I don't know why this is...maybe because it feels for some like a parent should get involved only when the issue is large enough to warrant it? At any rate...brush it off. If you're worried, give your dd a heads up next time you are all slated to meet.

 

 

I agree. If Rebecca was called, say, Becky by a friend I would have her say something to her friend, not approach the friend's mother.

[Parrothead]

At that age she needs to either have the courage to address the other girl herself or just resign herself to being called the wrong name. If I were he other mom and this was our first contact, I'd think you were either really snobby or just plain nuts. It seems like there may be other issues here, due to the way you said you "don't mind" if your daughter is friends with her.

I was just trying to be clear that there is no reason that I'd be upset with this little girl or think that she would be a bad influence on dd.

[myfunnybunch]

She is a tween.

 

Honestly, this makes a small difference to me. I would probably be surprised if another parent of a tween approached me about something like that. I cannot imagine myself being anything other than gracious if I were approached (unless it was an otherwise terrible, horrible, no-good very bad day :D ), because it's just not something that would get my knickers all twisted. I think the other mom's attitude was absolutely unnecessary, but my first thought would probably be to wonder why your dd didn't say something directly. I don't think I'd feel snarky or snotty about it, just puzzled, and I'd probably (correctly?) assume your dd wasn't comfortable saying something herself and mention it to my child on the way home.

 

Maybe you can work gently with your dd on advocating for herself? This seems like a good opportunity to talk about it a little, especially as she's at an age when girls sometimes stop speaking up because they want to be "nice" to their friends.

 

But really, I wouldn't give the other mom or the whole situation a ton of thought or worry. Maybe she was having a rotten day or maybe she's just a prickly person.

 

Cat

[Catwoman]

Thank you.

 

Dd is the type that would let an irritating kid just irritate her to no end as long as she didn't have to confront the other kid. It is something we have worked on for years with varying degrees of success. (If the other kid were causing dd physical pain dd would assert herself.)

 

It must be so hard to sit there, knowing that someone is saying something you know your dd doesn't like -- and knowing she won't speak her mind to the other kid, especially when you have a different personality, and probably never would have hesitated to confront another person. You're probably really calm on the outside, but on the inside you're screaming, "JUST SAY SOMETHING!!!"

 

Was your dh a non-confrontational kid, or were you that way when you were her age? I have no good advice for you, because I was always pretty quick to tell people what I thought of them :tongue_smilie:, but if your dh was like your dd, maybe he could give her some tips on how to overcome her insecurity.

[Parrothead]

Chucki, if I ever run into you IRL in our alternate universe I'll be happy to buy you a margarita.

 

Signed,

Obnoxious and Petty Nutter

You got it.

 

 

 

I was trying to think if my body language may have been sending annoyed signals. I've realized a few things.

 

1) Due to my eye disease I never took off my sunglasses. That annoys some people right off.

 

2) I ended up sitting by myself because I picked the group of chairs to the left of the door. Since I was first in the room I sat all the way down on the left end. Everyone else sat in the grouping of chairs to the right of the door except one lady who came in late. She grabbed the first chair to the left of the door.

 

Those two things could have said obnoxious even before I spoke to the other mom.