Jean in Newcastle Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Ds has learned to laugh and say "I'm a purist. I like to be called __________ (full name)." If I overhear someone call him a nickname in my presence when he's not there, I laugh and say "He's a purist. He likes to be called ___________." The laugh is important because it shows that it really isn't a big deal but it's what ds likes anyway. I was like your dd. Jean is not actually my given name. But I've gone by it since birth. I remember being asked in a new school, "So, what is your first name." Being literal, I answered with my never used first name. I was horrified when everyone (naturally!) called me that. Everyone was confused when my mom came to pick me up and asked "And how did Jean do today?" She very nicely set them straight and gave me a little talk about how I should have answered with what I wanted to be called. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I was just trying to be clear that there is no reason that I'd be upset with this little girl or think that she would be a bad influence on dd. Personally, I didn't get the impression that you had any problems with the other girl, just that her mother acted like a witch. Or some other -itch. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I was just trying to be clear that there is no reason that I'd be upset with this little girl or think that she would be a bad influence on dd. Even though she's a no-good evil name-changer? (I'm completely joking here!!!) :D My brother has a 4 syllable first name with 10 letters. Everyone has always shortened it to a one syllable name. It still irks my mother and he is an adult now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I suppose I just can't win for losing. It isn't kosher to correct someone else's child (which I could have easily done when the child called my child by the incorrect name). Yet it isn't cool to gently ask a parent to do the correcting. To my way of thinking it would have been over the top if I had told dd never to speak to the child again for no reason other than using the wrong name. But...it wasn't IMPORTANT. If the other child were bonking your kid on the head, yeah...you address the child AND the mom. But this was just the use of a nickname, which is generally a sign of affection/feeling close (you haven't said it was slur or insult or anything)??! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 Honestly, this makes a small difference to me. I would probably be surprised if another parent of a tween approached me about something like that. I cannot imagine myself being anything other than gracious if I were approached (unless it was an otherwise terrible, horrible, no-good very bad day :D ), because it's just not something that would get my knickers all twisted. I think the other mom's attitude was absolutely unnecessary, but my first thought would probably be to wonder why your dd didn't say something directly. I don't think I'd feel snarky or snotty about it, just puzzled, and I'd probably (correctly?) assume your dd wasn't comfortable saying something herself and mention it to my child on the way home. Maybe you can work gently with your dd on advocating for herself? This seems like a good opportunity to talk about it a little, especially as she's at an age when girls sometimes stop speaking up because they want to be "nice" to their friends. But really, I wouldn't give the other mom or the whole situation a ton of thought or worry. Maybe she was having a rotten day or maybe she's just a prickly person. Cat We've been working on it practically since birth. Dd is the kid that would give her ice cream to the kid that dropped his. She would calmly go get another box of crayons instead of asking for hers back if another kid hogged them all. Not having siblings to fight with might have its drawbacks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I was trying to think if my body language may have been sending annoyed signals. I've realized a few things. 1) Due to my eye disease I never took off my sunglasses. That annoys some people right off. 2) I ended up sitting by myself because I picked the group of chairs to the left of the door. Since I was first in the room I sat all the way down on the left end. Everyone else sat in the grouping of chairs to the right of the door except one lady who came in late. She grabbed the first chair to the left of the door. Those two things could have said obnoxious even before I spoke to the other mom. 1. No 2. No Neither of these things said that you were obnoxious. The other mom's behavior said that she was obnoxious. Don't over-analyze it or you'll drive yourself nuts. You said something in a nice way, and the other mom got upset about it. Period. She might have gotten nasty if you'd said, "Hello. My, those are beautiful earrings." She might simply be Not Nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Maybe you can work gently with your dd on advocating for herself? This seems like a good opportunity to talk about it a little, especially as she's at an age when girls sometimes stop speaking up because they want to be "nice" to their friends. But really, I wouldn't give the other mom or the whole situation a ton of thought or worry. Maybe she was having a rotten day or maybe she's just a prickly person. Cat Ultimately, the both other mom and you should be mature (and secure) enough to let water under the bridge be gone and know that you'll hardly ever run into each other again, if you do, just be kind and keep it moving. The friend didn't do anything *wrong* to your daughter, and I'm going to assume she has no idea that this bothers your girl. This is ultimately just yourown personal pet peeve. Since I feel that names are deeply personal and are to be respected I wouldn't hold a grudge (if I were the friends mom) but I think you'd have caught me off guard a bit, today was a pretty lousy day so you may have noticed my less than optimal response but I would mention it to my daughter, ask her to correct it and keep it moving... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 But...it wasn't IMPORTANT. If the other child were bonking your kid on the head, yeah...you address the child AND the mom. But this was just the use of a nickname, which is generally a sign of affection/feeling close (you haven't said it was slur or insult or anything)??! It's obviously important to Chucki and her family. I think you were perfectly within reason to ask the mom to talk to her child, Chucki. Just brush it off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 mom2bee, has anyone ever called your daughter by the wrong name? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 It must be so hard to sit there, knowing that someone is saying something you know your dd doesn't like -- and knowing she won't speak her mind to the other kid, especially when you have a different personality, and probably never would have hesitated to confront another person. You're probably really calm on the outside, but on the inside you're screaming, "JUST SAY SOMETHING!!!" Was your dh a non-confrontational kid, or were you that way when you were her age? I have no good advice for you, because I was always pretty quick to tell people what I thought of them :tongue_smilie:, but if your dh was like your dd, maybe he could give her some tips on how to overcome her insecurity. She just let's it go even knowing I'm not fond of it. She would rather "face my wrath" than say anything to her friend. (NOT that I get wrathful. I was being hyperbolic.) Neither dh or I were confrontational kids. I was a leader since I was a first born but if someone else wanted to lead I'd not assert myself. Then I grew up to be a cop so I had to learn to be assertive. I'm quick to tell people what I think of them now. Hence, not having very many IRL friends because I'm not awfully fond of people. See my OP about being as kind and nonconfrontational as I know how to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 Ds has learned to laugh and say "I'm a purist. I like to be called __________ (full name)." If I overhear someone call him a nickname in my presence when he's not there, I laugh and say "He's a purist. He likes to be called ___________." The laugh is important because it shows that it really isn't a big deal but it's what ds likes anyway. I was like your dd. Jean is not actually my given name. But I've gone by it since birth. I remember being asked in a new school, "So, what is your first name." Being literal, I answered with my never used first name. I was horrified when everyone (naturally!) called me that. Everyone was confused when my mom came to pick me up and asked "And how did Jean do today?" She very nicely set them straight and gave me a little talk about how I should have answered with what I wanted to be called. Thanks for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 bizarro. I have nicknames for almost every child I have ever cared for, BUT if a parent came to me and requested I didn't use a nickname i could not imagine being offended about it. How weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 For the life of me I can't see how it is snobby, petty, or superior to want your child to be called by his name! If your child was named Delilah and I called her Delia, would you care? If your child was named Carolina and I called her Cara, would you care? If your child was named Jeremiah and I called him Jerry, would you care? But you have changed the names. If her name is Delilah and the young girl calls her Lila - that's the same name! Delia is a different name. If her name is Carolina and the girl calls her Carol - that's the same name! Cara is different. Even if a little girl did call my Carolina "Cara", I'd not correct that. No, I would not care at all if another child called my Jeremiah "Jerry". You are an adult. But she is saying that another young child is calling her young child a diminutive. If you, the adult, say it to me, I'm still not going to correct you unless we develop a relationship or it comes up naturally, as in the woman asks, "Do you call her X?" I'd say no, we call her XX. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Yes. We talked about it. She's not fond of it but doesn't want to hurt the other girls feelings. Dd said she would like a proper nickname, but does not really want to be called ___. She is a tween. She is a tween? Then she should definitely address this herself! I was under the impression she was like 4 years old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 so maybe it irritated the other woman that you took this up with her. If your daughter doesn't like it, I would expect your daughter to handle it..... Anyway, even though I can see why the other woman might inwardly roll her eyes, I don't understand why she was hostile or ugly with you. Right. She was probably just having a really bad day and this was just one more thing... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 Even though she's a no-good evil name-changer? (I'm completely joking here!!!) :D My brother has a 4 syllable first name with 10 letters. Everyone has always shortened it to a one syllable name. It still irks my mother and he is an adult now. I suppose part of the reason I was so shocked with her attitude was that I've been asked to call Joseph by his full name instead of Joe. And that Michaela is not Mike. And that Stephen is Stephen not Steve. So it wouldn't have bothered me if Lulabell's mom asked me to make sure dd called Lulabell by her full name instead of Lou. Lulabell is the closest I could come up with what I'm trying to describe. Lou is short for Lewis. A totally different name than Lulabell. And dd's name isn't as much as a mouthful as Lulabell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Meh. There wouldn't be a problem if people had the common curtesy to use the correct name to begin with. It's just tacky to presume to call people unintroduced nicknames. I would have told my dd to correct her. But whatever. It's just not big enough to bother with getting annoyed about. If I'd been the other mom I'd have said sure. Whatever. And moved on. *shrugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 mom2bee, has anyone ever called your daughter by the wrong name? People call ME by the wrong name. It makes me nuts...and I correct them. I'm very particular about my name. I'm always careful about getting peoples names correct because I like to treat people with the respect and courtesy I wish that most people would treat me with when it comes to MY name. My name is not Ashley. Not Aisha. Not Azeela. NOT Asia. I will not answer to any of those. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 But...it wasn't IMPORTANT. If the other child were bonking your kid on the head, yeah...you address the child AND the mom. But this was just the use of a nickname, which is generally a sign of affection/feeling close (you haven't said it was slur or insult or anything)??! So you've be okay if I just started calling you Tranq? Which is what most people would assume is a tranquilizer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 She is old enough to address it on her own. I like the roleplaying suggestion someone else mentioned. I thought we were talking about a young elementary age child. I would be completely floored if a parent of a nearly teen child addressed this to me. I wouldn't be rude, but I'm certain my shock would show through. Yeah, this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 People call ME by the wrong name. It makes me nuts...and I correct them. I'm very particular about my name. I'm always careful about getting peoples names correct because I like to treat people with the respect and courtesy I wish that most people would treat me with when it comes to MY name. My name is not Ashley. Not Aisha. Not Azeela. NOT Asia. I will not answer to any of those. Me, too. (Tibbie is not my actual name. My actual name can be nicknamed nine ways to Sunday, and people have been doing that for almost 40 years.) But I was wondering if you'd been through this as a parent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 So you've be okay if I just started calling you Tranq? Which is what most people would assume is a tranquilizer. Lol. If only! I want to be Tranquil, really I do....but I take a tranq...ha ha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 1. No2. No Neither of these things said that you were obnoxious. The other mom's behavior said that she was obnoxious. Don't over-analyze it or you'll drive yourself nuts. You said something in a nice way, and the other mom got upset about it. Period. She might have gotten nasty if you'd said, "Hello. My, those are beautiful earrings." She might simply be Not Nice. Hmmm... In that case maybe I should have a problem with dd being friends with the little girl. (But I'm not that petty. So I'll leave well enough alone.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I have no idea why she came at you like that. Personally I would have rolled my eyes and likely I would not bring up something like that to dd, but never would I get up in someone's face over something like that. Some people just like drama. Having tweens brings enough drama without creating more lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 But you have changed the names. If her name is Delilah and the young girl calls her Lila - that's the same name! Delia is a different name. If her name is Carolina and the girl calls her Carol - that's the same name! Cara is different. Even if a little girl did call my Carolina "Cara", I'd not correct that. No, I would not care at all if another child called my Jeremiah "Jerry". You are an adult. But she is saying that another young child is calling her young child a diminutive. If you, the adult, say it to me, I'm still not going to correct you unless we develop a relationship or it comes up naturally, as in the woman asks, "Do you call her X?" I'd say no, we call her XX. And I guess that's nice of you. But I correct them the second they do it. So does dh. We do it for our own names too, not just the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Parrothead: I suppose part of the reason I was so shocked with her attitude was that I've been asked to call Joseph by his full name instead of Joe. And that Michaela is not Mike. And that Stephen is Stephen not Steve. So it wouldn't have bothered me if Lulabell's mom asked me to make sure dd called Lulabell by her full name instead of Lou. You have been asked by Whom? Friends? Mom acquaintances? That's reasonable. People who don't know you? Not reasonable to go up to a stranger and tell that Mom to correct her half-grown daughter about your daughter's nickname. Lulabell is the closest I could come up with what I'm trying to describe. Lou is short for Lewis. A totally different name than Lulabell. And dd's name isn't as much as a mouthful as Lulabell. Lu is reasonable, So is Lula. If your daughter doesn't like it, she can correct it in time, if the relationship continues. Lu or Lula is not Lou, as in Louis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 But you have changed the names. If her name is Delilah and the young girl calls her Lila - that's the same name! Delia is a different name. If her name is Carolina and the girl calls her Carol - that's the same name! Cara is different. Even if a little girl did call my Carolina "Cara", I'd not correct that. No, I would not care at all if another child called my Jeremiah "Jerry". You are an adult. But she is saying that another young child is calling her young child a diminutive. If you, the adult, say it to me, I'm still not going to correct you unless we develop a relationship or it comes up naturally, as in the woman asks, "Do you call her X?" I'd say no, we call her XX. Uh...no, they're not the same name. They could potentially be derived from the name, but Lila is not Delilah. Carol is not Carolina. When Diva was in Brownies, she ended up being called a completely different name from what it actually is...why? B/c there were three girls there with the same name, so she volunteered a completely new name to be called. I stopped that immediately. :glare: If I wanted her to be called Suzy Q, I wouldn't have named her Samantha P. (for example) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 Lol. If only! I want to be Tranquil, really I do....but I take a tranq...ha ha. :lol: I get it. But essentially that is the problem. It is the wrong nickname. We are sitting here trying to find dd an appropriate nickname. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I've had parents correct me and I'm ok with it. It was William, not Bill, or Billy. Okay, William it is. In my family, where every male is a derivative of William (and no, no one from my family said the above story), it's very important you get the nicknames right, or you could be talking to one, but using his father's name. :D And my son is a third (not William), so yep, he, also, has a specific nickname. Despite how casually everyone takes it, it's your kid and you named her what you did and you requested nicely what she would prefer to be called. The mother went overboard. A simple "OK, thanks for telling me," would have ended it right there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 You have been asked by Whom? Friends? Mom acquaintances? That's reasonable. The mom. In the case of Stephen, Stephen was 19 when I mentioned Steve to his mom (my best friend). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 TranquilMind, I guess I just totally disagree that Carol is the same name as Caroline, or that Lila is the same name as Delilah. If they were, it would have be acceptable to translate from the other direction. Carol would have to put up with being called Caroline even if she hated it (unless she was petty and obnoxious enough to correct people). Lila would have to answer to Delilah even if it totally offended her to be associated with Samson's girlfriend (unless she were an uptight nutter and stood up for herself). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 I stopped that immediately. :glare: If I wanted her to be called Suzy Q, I wouldn't have named her Samantha P. (for example) That is what dh said when I told him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Ultimately ParrotHead, I think you're at risk of worrying yourself for nothing. This seems petty, but I always say (to my parents, mentors, friends, and the kids that I work with, mentor, teach and my siblings and cousins) that it's not a big deal. Unless someone says it is. The other mom should be mature enough to not let this bug her or make her think ill of you, even if the initial meeting was 'off'. You should be mature and secure enough to not let this keep you up. Youdidn't do anything *wrong*. I wish that this was the most offensive type of exchange that anyone could have in a year, we'd have global peace by breakfast tomorrow. If this is important to you and your DD, then you weren't wrong to pursue a change. Don't let it bug you. Go kiss your kid, have some cocoa and go to sleep in peace. You can't control how other people act, only how you react. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 The mom. In the case of Stephen, Stephen was 19 when I mentioned Steve to his mom (my best friend). Ok, well that is reasonable. She's your BEST FRIEND. You ought to know she doesn't like Steve. And she knows you won't be offended by correction. But you corrected a stranger.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I was something like, "Hi, I'm Vicky's mom. I just wanted to say that we don't do nicknames, yet I didn't feel right correcting your dd. Would you mind terribly asking her to call Vicky by Vicky instead of Vic." It isn't what you said - it is the type of person the mother now thinks of you as after saying it. Would I be offended if you said that to me? No Would I be interested in a continuing friendship between our kids? Not so much. I just don't get along with people who are nitpicky about every little thing that doesn't matter. It wasn't a big enough thing to be bought to anyones attention. If it bothers you - talk to your daughter about it and ask if she minds. If she does then explain to her how to tell her friend she doesn't like it. If she doesn't care then leave it alone. My DD corrects anybody who doesn't use her full name because that is what she prefers. People have called her nicknames I don't like - I just leave it alone - it's my DD's issue not mine. Honestly I wouldn't have been ticked at you (although I would have rolled my eyes inwardly) but I would peg you as one of "those" mothers and so can empathise with the woman's reaction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I think that it was kind of a weird thing to do. Sorry, but that is how it seems to me. If I felt strongly about this, I would have already long since taught my DD to correct people politely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 TranquilMind, I guess I just totally disagree that Carol is the same name as Caroline, or that Lila is the same name as Delilah. If they were, it would have be acceptable to translate from the other direction. Carol would have to put up with being called Caroline even if she hated it (unless she was petty and obnoxious enough to correct people). Lila would have to answer to Delilah even if it totally offended her to be associated with Samson's girlfriend (unless she were an uptight nutter and stood up for herself). If she is not ok with it, she will correct it herself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 You asked for opinions, so please don't think I mean this in a nasty way, but if someone had approached me and and said what you did I would have thought they were nuts... (though I wouldn't have copped an attitude). I would have thought the mom was a control freak and way too uptight (not saying you are those things, just that it would have been my impression). :iagree: I might have been so taken aback I would say something abrupt. I might have laughed (not on purpose.) If I'd had a *bad* day, I might have said "I'll be sure to never address her again." I would have never approached someone with this. A lot of people are out there doing the best they can, and the last thing they like to get is a correction from a near stranger over a petty matter. Life is too short. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 Ok, well that is reasonable. She's your BEST FRIEND. You ought to know she doesn't like Steve. And she knows you won't be offended by correction. But you corrected a stranger.... At the time we had just met. You can bet your last dollar I won't ever call him Steve again. :lol: No kidding, you think I'm nuts about this name thing. She actually gets offended by it. I remember now thinking she was a little nuts about the whole name thing. Funny how we all react to the same thing differently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
black_midori Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 (edited) I have a son who is always called by his full name by family, teachers and his girlfriend. Some of his friends call him by a common nickname. I don't really like it, but if it's an issue to him he can correct it. Honestly, if a woman I'd never met came up to me and introduced herself and then told me that my dd was calling her child by a nickname and it wasn't acceptable, I'd probably think she was really petty. Others have said that "some people are easily offended", but I would leave thinking that *you* were the one easily offended by a child's nickname. :iagree::iagree: I thought pretty much the same thing - a strange lady I don't know, but her kid hangs out with mine and they are friends, comes up to me saying (even polite as can be) that my kid shouldn't call her kid that? :001_huh: I'd probably just say something blah like "ok" - but I'd definitely be thinking "I'm not going to be making friends with HER, I imagine...". Now, I would COMPLETELY be behind you 100% if the kid was calling your kid something rude! But a friendly nick-name based on kid's name? That your kid has, apparently, no problem with? Edited January 17, 2012 by black_midori Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotAVampireLvr Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I would have been put off if you had this conversation with me and it was our first real interaction. That said, I get why it bothers you. I have a child who's nickname is COMPLETELY different then his proper name. It drives me crazy when people use his proper name, but the only time I've ever corrected anyone was DS1's kindy teacher because he came home upset everyday about it. Ironically in 1st grade he didn't have a problem being called his proper name... I usually wait until I get to know someone a little better before I address the name thing. When I sign him up for activities and fill out any paperwork I always list his nickname so my bases are covered... in those instances because I've given the heads up already I don't feel funny about correcting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirch Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I suppose part of the reason I was so shocked with her attitude was that I've been asked to call Joseph by his full name instead of Joe. And that Michaela is not Mike. And that Stephen is Stephen not Steve. So it wouldn't have bothered me if Lulabell's mom asked me to make sure dd called Lulabell by her full name instead of Lou. Lulabell is the closest I could come up with what I'm trying to describe. Lou is short for Lewis. A totally different name than Lulabell. And dd's name isn't as much as a mouthful as Lulabell. I think for me it's the fact that these are tween girls and that you were asking the mom to correct her dd, not what she herself is calling your dd. It would be totally different if the mom were calling your dd by the nickname--in that case I'd think it was completely appropriate for you to politely correct her. But you're talking about tween girls who have already known each other a while in a context that wasn't controlled by either parent. So either the teacher introduced your dd incorrectly or the friend started using the nickname on her own without your dd correcting her. I wouldn't be offended if I was the parent you approached, but I would have been a bit taken aback and might have thought that you seemed a bit too uptight about something that didn't seem to bother your dd. UNLESS you told me that your dd was shy about telling my dd that she didn't like the nickname and you asked me to give her a heads-up. That I could see. Because in the grand scheme of things, what a friend calls your dd really is between them, even if it's not your cup of tea. If your dd doesn't like it and needs help advocating for herself, that's understandable, but it doesn't sound like you came across that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 :lol: I get it. But essentially that is the problem. It is the wrong nickname. We are sitting here trying to find dd an appropriate nickname. How about Skippy? Skippy is The Universal Nickname. Well, OK, maybe it's not. And it's probably more for a boy. Like Butch. Definitely a boy name. Oh well. I've got nothing. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeslieAnneLevine Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 My only thought is that she was taken aback that you went up to her JUST to tell her that. Why not make a little small talk first? I think it may have come across as awkward, but that doesn't excuse her snippy attitude. I might have rolled my eyes later and probably told my mom about it to get her take. I would NOT have discussed this with the other moms. I certainly wouldn't dream of saying a negative word to your DD (or mine) and if this other mom does then that is far worse than an awkward correction. Did your DD want you to mention this to the other mom? I'm still not clear if your DD hates the first syllable of her name said on its own as much as you do (sorry if you spelled this out already and I missed it). I read that she doesn't want to embarrass the girl, but is she truly bothered by the shortened name? In my son's case, yes, we've had some name issues. He and I have been able to work out solutions. I understand that it's hard for your DD to do so. I can understand why you felt moved to do something about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 At the time we had just met. You can bet your last dollar I won't ever call him Steve again. :lol: Well, I see you saying the name and her responding to you as a little different also. You are the one who use the nickname, and she was talking to you. She wasn't going through another party to share that information. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyK Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I think this is a really interesting conversation. I'm in the camp that (if I'd been the other mother) I'd have found the conversation off-putting. I would have been totally nice in the moment, but been embarrassed and later would have thought you odd. That said, it is all in the delivery. If someone says "listen, this is probably really quirky, but we feel really strongly that DD shouldn't be called Lou" or whatever, I don't think I'd have the reaction above. I'm wondering if the different reactions people are having here are related to how they feel about nicknames? Some one asked if we'd ever had the experience of having our child's name mangled. For me -- constantly, and it is no big deal. I totally get that people have different reactions to it, so of course I won't do things that I know upset anyone. But it isn't like having your child's name mangled or changed or nicknamed upsets everyone -- I'm curious to hear more from the people who feel everyone should feel that way? My husband and I also have our names mangled constantly too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I might have been surprised by your approach, but to respond rudely? No, not if you were matter of fact and normal about it when you asked. Any weirdness on your part (which is my take as a mom whose five kids all have nickname-able names) is cancelled out by the other mom's rudeness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Well, she got ticked and copped an attitude. So what did she say / do, exactly? I'm with those who would've been taken aback if someone approached me with such a request, in that context. I've corrected parents who mispronounced DD's name, but in that context it wouldn't occur to me. Does your DD want you to correct her friends or their parents? Many start gravitating towards nicknames when they get to this age, especially in families where parents are very particular about their names. I used to be almost possessive of DD's name, so I know where you are coming from. I relaxed quite a lot, since she told me she didn't mind when her name was mispronounced. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 How about Skippy? Skippy is The Universal Nickname. Well, OK, maybe it's not. And it's probably more for a boy. Like Butch. Definitely a boy name. Oh well. I've got nothing. :tongue_smilie: We got one! It occurred to us that her name is two names smushed together and we all like the second name as a nickname. It fits dd's personality and demeanor much better. I told her she is going to have to tell her friend her new nickname. She is okay with that. But said she doesn't want to tell adults. What can I say? She is really a shy kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Ultimately, if this is a big deal to your daughter it should be addressed. Fine. She should have handled it with her friend directly, but whatever. I don't think fretting yourself and worrying that this woman will do something to your daughter is productive or even necessary. :chillpill:. Curious, what did YOUR daughter say when you told her what happened between you and the other mom? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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