Why did this woman get angry with me?

[Laura Corin]

But I think Chucki said that her daughter DID mind the nickname and didn't feel comfortable speaking up?

 

I can see stepping in to fix a problem with a small child, but the coping has to start at some point. I'm not talking about deliberately putting an older child into a difficult situation, but where there is not bullying or abuse going on perhaps the child needs to deal with it, one way or the other. One way to deal with it is to speak up. Another way is to cope with a less-favoured name being used.

 

One of Husband's former bosses misheard my name as 'Lauren'. It's not my name and (apologies to Laurens) I don't like it. I didn't correct him early on, then it became too embarrassing to correct him later. He called me 'Lauren' for five years, until Husband changed jobs. I had to cope with the consequences of my lack of assertiveness.

 

Laura

[PiCO]

I was a kind and non-confrontational as I could have been. To keep it simple I just said that we don't do nicknames (not totally true, but how would she know) and I asked if she would just have her daughter call my daughter by her full first name.

 

Well, she got ticked and copped an attitude. I've spent the last 2 hours going over things in my head and trying to figure out what I said that was so offensive, but have no clue.

 

This is interesting to me, because I'm pretty sure our daughters have the same name, based on your descriptions through the thread. When we gave dd the name, I had a nickname picked out (I think it's not realistic to expect a child to always be called by a 3-syllable name,) but we never used it. So she goes by her whole 3-syllable name, and I don't like the first syllable for her, which is a different name.

 

I have never corrected anyone who uses a nickname for dd. Sometimes it drives me nuts, but that's just life. Most people self-correct over time.

 

I cannot imagine correcting a mom for her daughter's incorrect use of my child's name the first time I met the mom. (Or ever, honestly.) If someone did that to me, I would respond politely enough, but I would have put them on my list of people to avoid due to their weird hang-up.

 

Now, I said "would have" on purpose... I have always enjoyed your posts, so you are making me think narrowing the field of potential friends due to one quirk that seems strange to me is unnecessarily limiting. Learn something every day!

 

Oh, and I'm sorry this woman was rude to you!

[beaners]

Hmmm, I just had another thought on this. You don't like the shortened name because of who it reminds you of. Your daughter would rather face your "wrath" (I know you don't mean it like that) than tell someone else not to call her the name. She now has a family-sanctioned nickname. She really dislikes confrontation.

 

Now, you know your daughter and I don't. I could see any of the non-confrontational people that I know telling you that he or she doesn't like the name because he or she doesn't want you to be upset. Instead of telling you that she doesn't mind, she would tell you that she didn't want to tell them. She knows that you will be upset if you overhear someone call her that and don't correct them. If she doesn't mind the nickname, but knows you are horrified by it, she would use her shyness as an out so that she wouldn't have to tell you she was okay with it.

 

Yeah, that was a reach huh? I'm imagining all the times one particular relative of mine has tried to tell people what they want to hear because she hates to upset people. She was also a very shy child. I'm really thinking of her, not your daughter, with whom I've never had a conversation.

 

Feel free to ignore that.

[Parrothead]

Hmmm, I just had another thought on this. You don't like the shortened name because of who it reminds you of. Your daughter would rather face your "wrath" (I know you don't mean it like that) than tell someone else not to call her the name. She now has a family-sanctioned nickname. She really dislikes confrontation.

 

Now, you know your daughter and I don't. I could see any of the non-confrontational people that I know telling you that he or she doesn't like the name because he or she doesn't want you to be upset. Instead of telling you that she doesn't mind, she would tell you that she didn't want to tell them. She knows that you will be upset if you overhear someone call her that and don't correct them. If she doesn't mind the nickname, but knows you are horrified by it, she would use her shyness as an out so that she wouldn't have to tell you she was okay with it.

 

Yeah, that was a reach huh? I'm imagining all the times one particular relative of mine has tried to tell people what they want to hear because she hates to upset people. She was also a very shy child. I'm really thinking of her, not your daughter, with whom I've never had a conversation.

 

Feel free to ignore that.

Oh, I really was kidding about the wrath thing. :D

 

While she won't tell someone else what's what, she has no problem telling me.

 

Last night when we were going to bed I explained about my aversion of the short name. I also told her (gently) that the other lady got upset. Dd thought it was weird that someone would get upset about asking to use a proper name.

 

So while it does sound like I'm overbearing and authoritarian in my parenting dd and I have a really great relationship.

Edited January 17, 2012 by Parrothead

[beaners]

Oh, I really was kidding about the wrath thing. :D

 

While she won't tell someone else what's what, she has no problem telling me.

 

Last night when we were going to bed I explained about my aversion of the short name. I also told her (gently) that the other lady got upset. Dd that it was weird that someone would get upset about asking to use a proper name.

 

So while it does sound like I'm overbearing and authoritarian in my parenting dd and I have a really great relationship.

 

You mean you don't question her about any nickname usage the second you two are alone? Awww man, that's no fun at all. :D

[Parrothead]

You mean you don't question her about any nickname usage the second you two are alone? Awww man, that's no fun at all. :D

:lol:

 

Actually it is rare that anyone uses the other name when referring to her. Even among her best friends. Two of them have 3 syllable names and the other a 4 syllable name. They all call each other by their full names.

[Dustybug]

:iagree:I have a son who is always called by his full name by family, teachers and his girlfriend. Some of his friends call him by a common nickname. I don't really like it, but if it's an issue to him he can correct it. Honestly, if a woman I'd never met came up to me and introduced herself and then told me that my dd was calling her child by a nickname and it wasn't acceptable, I'd probably think she was really petty. Others have said that "some people are easily offended", but I would leave thinking that *you* were the one easily offended by a child's nickname.

 

:iagree:

 

My best friend in high school had a simple looking name that many people pronounced incorrectly.

It drove me BATS to hear people address her incorrectly. It didn't bother her.

The only times it really mattered to her, when she graduated from college, for instance, she wrote her name in a different way so the person reading to announce the diplomas would get it right.

I just wound up accepting the fact that I was more uptight about her name that she was. And if was a big enough deal to her, she'd correct folks herself.

 

My kids' names are easily "nicked", and though it did bother me at first, I accepted the fact that it was probably inevitable.

 

*of course, my best friends call me by nicknames that don't resemble my actual name at all, and I few it as a signal of intimacy, so yanno, my perspective might be weird* :D

 

:iagree:This is my husband. His name is Alec, but pronounced "EL-ick." He was so used to it being mispronounced, that he would introduce himself using it the regular way. My MIL gave me quite the talking to when I first met her when she heard me say it "wrong." (Should have been a sign of things to come! lol) He doesn't really care though. He also gets called Alex a lot.

 

She is old enough to address it on her own. I like the roleplaying suggestion someone else mentioned. I thought we were talking about a young elementary age child. I would be completely floored if a parent of a nearly teen child addressed this to me. I wouldn't be rude, but I'm certain my shock would show through.

 

My ds will turn 12 this week, and if anyone calls him by a nickname, he is very quick to politely tell the person that he prefers to be called by his real name.

 

But my kid is not at all shy, and has no problem telling anyone else what he thinks... about anything and everything. :tongue_smilie:

 

Honestly, I don't know what the woman got upset about. I could understand if she thought your dd should have simply told her dd that she didn't like the nickname, but it doesn't sound like you gave her any reason to get snippy.

 

Whatever the case, you didn't mean to offend her -- and nothing you said sounded in any way offensive or confrontational -- so I would just chalk it up to the woman having had a bad day, or just being an idiot.

 

Realistically, I think many parents would wonder why you would bring up the nickname thing, when your dd is as old as she is, and should be perfectly capable of standing up for herself if she prefers to be called by her full name. It would be more understandable if she was a pre-schooler, but as a tween, I think she should probably handle things like this on her own. If she's a shy kid and was really upset about the nickname, I guess you could have coached her on what to say the next time the girl uses it, but you know your dd better than anyone else does, and if you thought you were doing the right thing by speaking with the other mom, I'm sure you were.

 

Ultimately, to answer your original question, I don't think you did anything wrong, and if the woman took your comment the wrong way, she's the one with the problem, not you. She should have been polite about it.

 

I agree here. She is old enough to handle this, and if she is uncomfortable, help her with it. The other woman shouldn't have been quite so snippy though.

 

You have been asked by Whom? Friends? Mom acquaintances? That's reasonable.

 

People who don't know you? Not reasonable to go up to a stranger and tell that Mom to correct her half-grown daughter about your daughter's nickname.

 

 

 

Lu is reasonable, So is Lula. If your daughter doesn't like it, she can correct it in time, if the relationship continues. Lu or Lula is not Lou, as in Louis.

 

I agree here too.

Edited January 17, 2012 by Dustybug
pushed "post reply" before I was ready! lol

[Catwoman]

Personally I'm constantly trying to be humble and to not let myself to be offended. Your daughter has something precious I believe.

 

I know what you're trying to say here, so please don't take this the wrong way, but there is sometimes a fine line between "humble" and "doormat."

 

If our dc don't learn to stand up for themselves and let others know when something offends or upsets them, they may not end up happy and Godly and humble; they may end up being depressed and angry and hurt.

 

Obviously, this nickname thing isn't a huge issue, but a child needs to learn how to stand up for herself over the small stuff, so she's prepared to do the same when it's something big. Kids also need to know how to choose their battles, and to know when something is a hill to die on, and when it's something that isn't worth getting upset about. (And maybe that's what you mean when you say you're "trying to be humble and not let yourself get offended" -- and that makes a lot of sense to me, because it's easy to fall into the trap of getting annoyed over things that don't really matter.)

 

I know Chucki is doing her best to teach these skills to her dd, so I don't mean this as a criticism of her at all.

Edited January 17, 2012 by Catwoman

[Soror]

. (And maybe that's what you mean when you say you're "trying to be humble and not let yourself get offended" -- and that makes a lot of sense to me, because it's easy to fall into the trap of getting annoyed over things that don't really matter.)

 

That is exactly what I mean. I often get offended by what others say or think when really it doesn't matter. People only have as much power over us as we give them. I think it is a far greater gift to teach our children not to be bothered as we cannot change the actions of others but only our own reaction. Now, I don't want my kids to be a doormat(mine are too far the other way as am I usually). I think it is a virtue that we don't tend to value enough though. In the end we do what we can to prepare our kids to the best of our ability. I just wanted to offer a different perspective as Parrothead said they'd been working on it since birth. Maybe it is time to change course.

[OnTheBrink]

I've only read the first page, but I think it's a bit presumptuous to address anyone by a name other than the name they introduced themselves by. If my dd tells someone her name is Lubbabula, then don't call her Lubby. Her name is Lubbabula (which, btw, is not her name at all!). At my dd's age, I'd have her correct the other child. But a younger child might not be comfortable with that and need Mom's support.

 

I don't think you did anything wrong and I think the other mom's reaction is over the top.

[Catwoman]

Her name is Lubbabula (which, btw, is not her name at all!)

 

I think that's something we can all be thankful for, particularly The Child Formerly Known as Lubbubula. ;)

[myfunnybunch]

I think that's something we can all be thankful for, particularly The Child Formerly Known as Lubbubula. ;)

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[OnTheBrink]

I think that's something we can all be thankful for, particularly The Child Formerly Known as Lubbubula. ;)

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[shanvan]

I know what you're trying to say here, so please don't take this the wrong way, but there is sometimes a fine line between "humble" and "doormat."

 

 

I must be really tired....Just after reading this thread I got an e mail from LL Bean about "The Perfect Doormat". My first thought was, who are they talking about? :lol:

[CAMom]

You got it.

 

 

 

I was trying to think if my body language may have been sending annoyed signals. I've realized a few things.

 

1) Due to my eye disease I never took off my sunglasses. That annoys some people right off.

 

2) I ended up sitting by myself because I picked the group of chairs to the left of the door. Since I was first in the room I sat all the way down on the left end. Everyone else sat in the grouping of chairs to the right of the door except one lady who came in late. She grabbed the first chair to the left of the door.

 

Those two things could have said obnoxious even before I spoke to the other mom.

 

This is the furthest I've gotten so far so I'm sure there's plenty of other discussion and I may be repeating. I just wanted to answer before I was influenced any further by any other posters.;)

 

Chucki, I think you're being incredibly gracious! You're trying to figure out what vibe you might have given off in order to avoid it in the future. I think the two things you listed above are good points to consider and may have given the wrong impression even though they shouldn't have and people should just give others the benefit of the doubt for cryin' out loud!:tongue_smilie:

 

As far as the name thing. I think she's the nutter. Not you!:grouphug: The only thing I could think that you could have added to the conversation is, "You know, I realize this may sound funny but my dd would never let anyone know that this bothers her but she really prefers to be called _____. Since our girls are friends, I thought your dd may want to know."

 

Then the other mom should say, "Oh yes! Thank you for telling me! I'll let my dd know."

 

Easy, right?;)

 

This is a subject I understand. My name is Ronette and that's what I go by. Sometimes someone takes liberty and calls me Roni. I don't hate that name by any means but it's not my name. There is one person in my life right now that calls me Roni even though she has never, ever heard anyone else call me that. I've only known her a couple of months. I think it's really presumptuous to call someone something other than their name.

 

So, I'm on your side!:):grouphug:

[CAMom]

But...it wasn't IMPORTANT.

 

If the other child were bonking your kid on the head, yeah...you address the child AND the mom.

 

But this was just the use of a nickname, which is generally a sign of affection/feeling close (you haven't said it was slur or insult or anything)??!

 

Really?!? I'm so surprised that people think someone else taking liberty with someone's name is no big deal.:confused:

 

My husband's name is Don. That's what he prefers to be called. He's fine if someone calls him Donald. But, he absolutely hates being called Donny!

 

Some people would really think it's just not important and would think he should just lighten up and see it as a sign of affection? That leaves me :confused:.

[ErinE]

Really?!? I'm so surprised that people think someone else taking liberty with someone's name is no big deal.:confused:

 

My husband's name is Don. That's what he prefers to be called. He's fine if someone calls him Donald. But, he absolutely hates being called Donny!

 

Some people would really think it's just not important and would think he should just lighten up and see it as a sign of affection? That leaves me :confused:.

 

As an adult, I would have a hard time if someone called me a nickname that I hadn't approved. For a brief period, I was called "lil mama" by some young women I was working with as I was the only mom, I'm short, and I was the "mother" of the group. I thought the nickname was cute, but if random person were to call me "lil mama," I would make the stank face. But I'm an adult, not a tween/teen.

 

Having taught dance for this age group, giving nicknames is very common. Unless it's a mean name, it's a mark of affection. Thinking back, I can remember every nickname given to me and to my closest friends. It was a sign that you belonged to the social group.

 

If DD is bothered by the nickname, she should say something to her friend. I don't think nicknames require a mom-tervention.

[Jenny in Florida]

Some people would really think it's just not important and would think he should just lighten up and see it as a sign of affection? That leaves me :confused:.

 

I think most of us who are thinking Parrothead's request was a little . . . odd . . . have said that we understand it can be irritating to be called by a "wrong" name, but that it's a little strange for a parent of an older child to intervene, especially when it's the first meaninful interaction she's had with the other parent.

 

It's not that being called by a nickname you don't like is not a source of irritation. It's that it seems a little strange for a parent to be upset enough by it to intervene like that.

 

If the child is bothered by it, she should be the one to say something to the other child. I could even see, with a child who was very shy, offering to go with her for moral support while she talks to the other kid. What I think is odd is making this a thing parents need to handle.

 

I would assume a parent who approached me to discuss this was either far too wrapped up in her kid's life or really just plain odd. I'd avoid her in the future if I could.

 

If DD is bothered by the nickname, she should say something to her friend. I don't think nicknames require a mom-tervention.

 

"Mom-tervention." I like that.

[Pink Fairy]

As an adult, I would have a hard time if someone called me a nickname that I hadn't approved. For a brief period, I was called "lil mama" by some young women I was working with as I was the only mom, I'm short, and I was the "mother" of the group. I thought the nickname was cute, but if random person were to call me "lil mama," I would make the stank face. But I'm an adult, not a tween/teen.

 

Having taught dance for this age group, giving nicknames is very common. Unless it's a mean name, it's a mark of affection. Thinking back, I can remember every nickname given to me and to my closest friends. It was a sign that you belonged to the social group.

 

If DD is bothered by the nickname, she should say something to her friend. I don't think nicknames require a mom-tervention.

 

This is my new favorite word. :001_wub:

[Parrothead]

This is the furthest I've gotten so far so I'm sure there's plenty of other discussion and I may be repeating. I just wanted to answer before I was influenced any further by any other posters.;)

 

Chucki, I think you're being incredibly gracious! You're trying to figure out what vibe you might have given off in order to avoid it in the future. I think the two things you listed above are good points to consider and may have given the wrong impression even though they shouldn't have and people should just give others the benefit of the doubt for cryin' out loud!:tongue_smilie:

 

As far as the name thing. I think she's the nutter. Not you!:grouphug: The only thing I could think that you could have added to the conversation is, "You know, I realize this may sound funny but my dd would never let anyone know that this bothers her but she really prefers to be called _____. Since our girls are friends, I thought your dd may want to know."

 

Then the other mom should say, "Oh yes! Thank you for telling me! I'll let my dd know."

 

Easy, right?;)

 

This is a subject I understand. My name is Ronette and that's what I go by. Sometimes someone takes liberty and calls me Roni. I don't hate that name by any means but it's not my name. There is one person in my life right now that calls me Roni even though she has never, ever heard anyone else call me that. I've only known her a couple of months. I think it's really presumptuous to call someone something other than their name.

 

So, I'm on your side!:):grouphug:

Thanks.

 

If I wasn't so pressed for time and if she wasn't trying to get her kid's shoes changed and out the door I probably would have taken the time to remind the lady that we'd met before and a few niceties before launching into the name thing.

[8circles]

Thanks.

 

If I wasn't so pressed for time and if she wasn't trying to get her kid's shoes changed and out the door I probably would have taken the time to remind the lady that we'd met before and a few niceties before launching into the name thing.

 

Honestly, I think that's part of how it comes across as unnecessarily important & therefore weird. You were in a hurry, she was in a hurry, yet it was still important enough for you to mention it then. You could have easily mentioned it at another time when there was more time for a proper conversation. YK?

[Parrothead]

 

I would assume a parent who approached me to discuss this was either far too wrapped up in her kid's life or really just plain odd. I'd avoid her in the future if I could.

 

Just plain odd. :D

 

And I'm not interested in pursuing a meaningful relationship with the woman. If she goes and tells her side about having to listen to the deranged mom, I don't care. I have to be in that building twice a year. No skin off my nose. Soon enough another weirdo will show up.

[Parrothead]

Honestly, I think that's part of how it comes across as unnecessarily important & therefore weird. You were in a hurry, she was in a hurry, yet it was still important enough for you to mention it then. You could have easily mentioned it at another time when there was more time for a proper conversation. YK?

But chances are I'd not see that lady again for a year or so.

[Pink Fairy]

So around 9 out of 10 people think it's odd. Are you ready to move on, or shall we continue telling you how weird you are so you can keep saying yep, I'm weird? :tongue_smilie:

 

Btw, in my opinion you have handled this entire thead with a lot of humility. I'm more convinced than ever that's it's better to be weird than rude.

[8circles]

But chances are I'd not see that lady again for a year or so.

 

Oh. I thought you saw this girl & her mom on a regular basis. I guess I got confused somewhere. :auto:

[Parrothead]

So around 9 out of 10 people think it's odd. Are you ready to move on, or shall we continue telling you how weird you are so you can keep saying yep, I'm weird? :tongue_smilie:

 

Btw, in my opinion you have handled this entire thead with a lot of humility. I'm more convinced than ever that's it's better to be weird than rude.

What ever floats your boat. I'm rather surprised by how long the thread became.

 

But I would like to make sure that anyone who has an opinion on my weirdness has an opportunity to say so. ;)

[ChristyB in TN]

I'm going to have to jump in this one, I think it is so superfabuloso that anyone would spend any time wondering what they did wrong...how sweet. I have a friend who always says things that sound completely practical and nicely said to her, but sound completely different to those around her. She usually comes across a little sharper, a little sharper than she intends. She inevitably hurts someone's feelings, it is just her. Then she questions what the heck she did after that to make everyone angry, sort of like yourself... You are awesome. :001_smile:

I named my kids names I knew would be shortened and I wouldn't care. My name is Christy. Everyone has always called Chris, Chrissy, etc. People get it wrong and call call me Christine and old people have always gravitated toward Cindy, I don't know why. I answer to ALL of it. My husband call me Chris. My parents have never, not once, called me anything but Christy. My mom says that if she wanted to call me Chris, she would have named me Chris. I have a daughter, Madison. When she was 10 she was on a swim team where they decided to call her Maddie. I never really considered Maddie, for some reason, and it jarred me every time someone said it. I never said a word, I just kept calling her Madison and after a while, everyone payed attention or something because they stopped. However, my sil is a Diana. She gets SO MAD when anyone messes up and calls her Diane. I don't get it, I just know to never get it wrong!

I think this has been beaten to death. I just wanted to tell you how cool you are for dwelling on it. :001_smile:

[Parrothead]

Oh. I thought you saw this girl & her mom on a regular basis. I guess I got confused somewhere. :auto:

Dd is in ballet and jazz with the girl.

 

Generally I do a drop and run so I'm only in the building for sign up and peek week. I pay for the classes by bill pay and fill out the forms for costumes and send them with dd.

 

It is my reward for sitting through so many things when dd was little and her shyness an almost unbearable thing.

[Snickerdoodle]

 

But I would like to make sure that anyone who has an opinion on my weirdness has an opportunity to say so. ;)

 

Well, you aren't the only one who has ever put her foot in her mouth. And why don't we have a smilie for that?

[Parrothead]

. I just wanted to tell you how cool you are for dwelling on it. :001_smile:

Thanks.

 

I think others are dwelling on it more than I at present. :glare: I kind of wish it would go away now. ;)

[shanvan]

What ever floats your boat. I'm rather surprised by how long the thread became.

 

But I would like to make sure that anyone who has an opinion on my weirdness has an opportunity to say so. ;)

 

And I am thankful that you kept this thread going long enough for me to find out that it's weird to want yourself or your child to be called by your/his/her rightful name. Now I know that I am weird too. I should have realized it long ago! :001_smile:

 

ETA:OOpps! I see now that you'd like this thread to go away......

[Parrothead]

And I am thankful that you kept this thread going long enough for me to find out that it's weird to want yourself or your child to be called by your/his/her rightful name. Now I know that I am weird too. I should have realized it long ago! :001_smile:

 

ETA:OOpps! I see now that you'd like this thread to go away......

Let me pass along the secret hand shake and direction to the official weirness clubhouse.

[Gingerbread Mama]

Oh dear, I'm torn :) On the one hand, it seems you might have gone a little "too far, too fast" when you approached the other mother. I probably would have spoken with my child, voiced my prefrence (We named you Victoria, not Vic, because we liked Victoria), then tried to get her take on it (Does it bother you to be called Vic? Do you like having a nickname?), and gone from there. I think, if DD didn't want to be called Vic, I'd give her a nice, polite, "line" to give people when they call her Vic "My name is actually Victoria, I don't really like Vic. I'd really appreciate it if you would call me Victoria. Thanks." Of course, that's me looking from the outside in, and not knowing all the ins and outs of the situation.

 

OTOH, I have spent years being driven up the wall by my inlaws and how they address my children. My DD goes by both her first and middle names. I won't post her name, but let's say it's "Beth Ann". Okay, I named her AND introduce her as "Beth Ann". All her teachers, friends, etc... call her "Beth Ann". MY whole family, as well as DH and I, call her "Beth Ann." DH's family REFUSES to call her anything but "Beth." I mean would I continue to address her as "Beth Ann", in their presence (and write that on cards to them, etc...) if I wanted them to call her "Beth"? And what really drives me UP-THE-WALL is MIL calling her "Beth Beth". Seriously? You can't call her by her first and middle name but you CAN say her first name twice?? But they WILL call my youngest by his first and middle name all the time, even though he only goes by his first name! LOL I've decided it is a passive-aggressive thing with them (We WILL NOT call them what you've decided to call them), and I just (literally) take a :chillpill: before I have to be around any of them.

 

Maybe this has already been asked, but what is peek week?

 

ETA: Whoops! I didn't know you wanted the thread to die! I'm weird, though, can I get the instructions for the handshake? LOL

[zaichiki]

What I think is odd is making this a thing parents need to handle.

 

I think this is key b/c in the "tween" years we American parents are starting to back out of our children's relationships with other kids. We try to be picky about when/where we step in and let them handle things on their own. The other mom may have been taken aback that OP didn't seem to be keeping to this cultural norm. I don't know how much it upset her... Maybe this was a case of misunderstanding on both parts. It happens.

 

I agree with a PP who suggested OP approach the mom to apologize for any misunderstanding next time she sees her. Something REAL low-key and sticking to the idea that she didn't mean to take the lady by surprise...

[TheApprentice]

I probably wouldn't have commented in the first place, unless I would be in the habit of seeing that person often.

[Catwoman]

I must be really tired....Just after reading this thread I got an e mail from LL Bean about "The Perfect Doormat". My first thought was, who are they talking about? :lol:

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[catz]

 

Having taught dance for this age group, giving nicknames is very common. Unless it's a mean name, it's a mark of affection. Thinking back, I can remember every nickname given to me and to my closest friends. It was a sign that you belonged to the social group.

 

This is why I thought the interaction was odd, not because the OP wants her child called by the correct name. My 7 year old attends dance with mostly girls in the 8-10 year age range and I think they use cute little names for each other all the time. If some mom from my daughter's dance class I'd never met came up to me to talk about what my daughter called her daughter during dance, I would think it was odd and I would probably assume she was new to the world of girly activities. Honestly, if girls at dance just chatting and making up cutsie names for each other, I'm pretty happy! Beats cliques and catty any day.

 

Anyway - I'm sympathetic that the OP is still hanging in here on this thread. Feel free to back away and enjoy an adult beverage! :D Not really a big deal, but I do think it is an interesting discussion.

[LucyStoner]

I think you were a little rude to mention it at all. Not a lot rude but I think it is a little more than weird. If your daughter is old enough to talk then she is old enough to say "Please call me Kathleen. I prefer my full name, thanks. Kathy is my aunt." if she wants to put a stop to a nickname. Going to another kid's mom is needless. My name has an endless number of variations and nicknames. If my parents chased down everyone who called me something other than they did as a child they never would have stopped chasing or running. It is out of your hands. Ultimately, the variation I settled into using in casual social situations is different than the variation they called me as a child. I use my full name professionally and that is pretty much it.

 

However, clearly she was a LOT rude to react as she did.

 

In other words, you both could have just shrugged it off.

Edited January 18, 2012 by kijipt

[Scarlett]

I only read the first page and realize I'm late to this party....but I think the other mom was totally out of line to get angry at you for that reason.

 

So there!

[TranquilMind]

Really?!? I'm so surprised that people think someone else taking liberty with someone's name is no big deal.:confused:

 

My husband's name is Don. That's what he prefers to be called. He's fine if someone calls him Donald. But, he absolutely hates being called Donny!

 

Some people would really think it's just not important and would think he should just lighten up and see it as a sign of affection? That leaves me :confused:.

So Donny (ha)can tell them to knock it off. He doesn't have you do it for him.

 

We aren't talking about a young child here but a child old enough to address this if it bothers her (a tween).

 

If you don't like what someone is calling you, you tell him you'd rather be called X.

[TranquilMind]

If DD is bothered by the nickname, she should say something to her friend. I don't think nicknames require a mom-tervention.

 

Yes!

[CAMom]

So Donny (ha)can tell them to knock it off. He doesn't have you do it for him.

 

We aren't talking about a young child here but a child old enough to address this if it bothers her (a tween).

 

If you don't like what someone is calling you, you tell him you'd rather be called X.

 

No, you're right. I won't tell someone for him. If I hear them refer to him as that, I will tell them he prefers Don.

 

We're talking about a girl who's already at that awkward tween stage and, it seems, painfully shy. I really don't get why it's "weird," "controlling," "nit picky," etc., for her mom to help her out here.:confused:

 

BTW, my dd's name is Brenna. People very often call her Brenda and Brianna. I have told them her name is Brenna. I've never had anyone get mad at me. Why would someone want to call someone something that's not their name?

[Denise in IN]

I haven't read all 7 pages, but perhaps the other mom was put off because it was your first contact/interaction with her?

 

Personally, I think her reaction was uncalled for. I wouldn't have been offended, but I'm usually glad to know what people want to be called, because I'd rather use the name they prefer!

[EJCMom]

I would imagine that she sees it as a harmless sign of affection from her daughter to yours and probably felt it was some sort of rejection of her daughters affection for your daughter.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Hey Chucki! You did it! You created one of the WTM mega threads like the one on shopping carts, crockpots or shoes in the house! :hurray:

[Pink Fairy]

Hey Chucki! You did it! You created one of the WTM mega threads like the one on shopping carts, crockpots or shoes in the house! :hurray:

 

It's the infamous nickname thread, not to be confused with the circumcision thread that is also currently enjoying mega status. :party:

[katilac]

No, you're right. I won't tell someone for him. If I hear them refer to him as that, I will tell them he prefers Don.

 

We're talking about a girl who's already at that awkward tween stage and, it seems, painfully shy. I really don't get why it's "weird," "controlling," "nit picky," etc., for her mom to help her out here.:confused:

 

BTW, my dd's name is Brenna. People very often call her Brenda and Brianna. I have told them her name is Brenna. I've never had anyone get mad at me. Why would someone want to call someone something that's not their name?

 

Brenda or Brianna for Brenna is an error. There's a big difference between mishearing someone's name, and using a nickname. I agree with the posters who said that nicks are usually a fun way of showing affection and signalling acceptance into a group. Friends should of course respect you if you say you don't like a certain nick, but she didn't say that.

 

The scenario I'm picturing is that the other girl chats about her friend Suzie from dance class. If mom walks in to drop off or pickup, she's probably said hi to "Suzie" plenty of times herself, and heard other people calling her that. So yes, it would strike me as odd for the mom of a tween to approach me months later, and our very first conversation is her telling me very quickly and directly that her dd is only to be called Susan. And in all honesty, I would figure it's the mom who has the issue, and she's basically gone till next year's peek week, so eh, I wouldn't even address it. It's just not an effective way to get the point across. Plus, if all the students and teachers have been calling her that, it doesn't help to tell one person.

 

Mostly, I think that if it's that important it needs to be addressed from the get-go. Alert the teachers so at least they are using the preferred name, and show up at the end of class a few times so you can address unwanted nicks early, before the ink dries.

[katilac]

It's the infamous nickname thread, not to be confused with the circumcision thread that is also currently enjoying mega status. :party:

 

I'm going to start a thread titled "What Nicknames Does Your Family Use for Circumcision?" and beat them both.

[Pink Fairy]

I'm going to start a thread titled "What Nicknames Does Your Family Use for Circumcision?" and beat them both.

 

I like it!

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm going to start a thread titled "What Nicknames Does Your Family Use for Circumcision?" and beat them both.

 

:smilielol5: