How involved were your parents in your education?

[Ester Maria]

School-wise, extremely hands off - it was my responsibility.

 

No homework help.

I doubt they were more than vaguely aware of the content studied, based on the snippets they gleaned if I randomly brought up something. We often discussed "schoolish" content, or things that I happened to study at school at some point, but never as a result of their explicit interest in my formal education, never in a "tell us about what you learned at school" fashion.

If school was talked about, I was typically asked whether I had attended some of that recently. 'cause, you know, I had a habit of cutting. And they knew it. And tolerated it. Wise people, they knew what they were doing and which battles to choose (back then, however, "the system" was a lot more flexible so not presenting yourself in every class was less of an offense than today). :001_smile:

Almost zero contact with school. They never rushed to school to solve my problems, justify my absences, or even inquire about my grades and prospects in each subject for that year. All of that, by high school, was considered my responsibility.

 

BUT...

"So it happened" that we traveled a lot. It took me a while to figure out that some of those relaxed trips were not as spontaneous as they seemed to me back than. That my parents wanted me to see some things, meet some people, speak some additional languages, even if they were never overt, "in your face" about it.

"So it happened" that we had a rich cultural life and that it went without saying that one would attend theatres, opera, art exhibitions, concerts, and so on.

"So it happened" that my parents were curious, intelligent and academically accomplished people, whose circles of family and friends were alike, and "so it happened" that quite often I talked to those people in what seemed to be a completely spontaneous thing when I was a child, but in hindsight, at least a part of that might as well have been staged.

"So it happened" that we had a house full of books, and I was an easily bored child so I read them.

And, in spite of being totally disinterested in my formal education, in hindsight I realized - and even back then, on some level - that they were miraculously aware of what was going on, by a mix of paying attention to subtle things and, I presume, kid gossiping with other parents where each parent provided some additional information into the "big picture" of our schooling. So they still knew who teaches what, which kids have clashes with which professors, who cuts, who cuts so much that it is beyond 'normal' so would you please hint to your child about it, who is interested in what, etc.

 

In short, when I think about it, my parents were nothing short of geniuses. Masters of catching subtleties and masters of indirect influence. Very apt at making "purposeful" experiences seem natural. Very apt at masking what was, essentially, a form of afterschooling as a perfectly normal life.

 

My education was truly important to them. And they were even wise enough to know that, with this specific child they had, the best way to go about it was not to focus on formal schooling. I think this is the kind of involvement that many parents had back in the day. Others yet were more "present" even with formal schoolwork (albeit not into high school! one was tacitly an adult by 16-17 years old for all but legal matters, I doubt anyone had any kind of active parental school involvement at that age, which is sadly no longer the norm as the society makes kids mature at slower rates now). Few were the kids I knew whose parents were what we would call "absent" (as parents, i.e. kids not being really parented and being left exclusively to their own devices) which made things easier for teachers because, if nothing else, the kids at least had it ingrained in them that learning was their responsibility and that they were to behave themselves.

 

Those two factors alone - taking them "blame" off teachers onto students and insisting on more proper upbringing as regards behavior - made a HUGE difference. This is principally where things went wrong in our society. It is not that parents should "do school" with their children, but that they should not have this attitude of mostly teacher responsibility for learning and of their little honey being "misunderstood" (when they are blantantly rude, lazy, neglectful of their work, disrupting, etc.). When I was at school, if you made problems at school, your parents made to YOU double problems at home (because it was considered a shame). Nowadays, when kids make problems at school, their parents make additional problems to TEACHERS. That is where the world went wrong. When I was a kid, if your teacher scolded you and you told it at home, your got another tongue lashing from your mother. Nowadays it is "verbal abuse" or whatnot and parents are more likely to have an attitude of "Nobody is going to talk to my precious child like that!" Even if the kid totally deserved the treatment he got at school and needed to be put into his place. It is these little "pieces of upbringing" that used to make a difference in schools, rather than any kind of special parental involvement. That, plus more responsibility.

Edited January 2, 2012 by Ester Maria

[missmoe]

I graduated in 1990. My mother took me to the library often. We had a home filled with books, and she read to us often when we were young. She homeschooled my brother when the need arose--LDs. But she was not involved with my education at school at all. No PTA involvement. No help with school work. No help with applying to colleges. No help with preparing and signing up for ACT and SAT tests. I participated in academic extracurriculurs without any help or encouragement. I went on to college because I was motivated. None of my brothers ended up going to college. Nobody pushed them to go.

 

I think things were just different then.

[Word Nerd]

I didn't really have homework until I was in high school, but my parents were involved in my education in other ways. My dad was a high school teacher and believes strongly in the value of extracurricular activities and learning by doing, and he was especially involved in that form of education. My mom had more involvement with the school, parent-teacher conferences, etc.

[Photo Ninja]

My parents were not very involved in my schooling at all. My mother went to parent-teacher conferences and was in the PTA some of my elementary years, but she was not involved in my education. She was very hands-off when it came to questions about homework, and if I asked her for help or to explain something to me, she would say that I should have asked my teacher for help before I left school and to wait and ask my teacher the next day because it is the school's job to teach me, not hers. She often stated that the school will teach me all that I needed to know to be a successful adult. (Even when young I wondered how she could actually believe that...) That sums up her involvement. She talked about how important it was to get a good education, but she would not get involved in the process. I had to do it all myself.

[Anne in CA]

My parents never helped me with school work, or checked to see if I had done my school work at all. My mother did attend parent teacher conferences and would get angry if I did not have decent grades, which I did not until high school. In high school I figured out how to look in the teacher's assignment book and see what assignments I was missing. Until then I only turned in random assignments and skated by by being a good test taker. When I realized that teachers were keeping track of everything and I needed to turn it all in, I made changes. Unfortunately, it came too late. Years of nonacademic success made my parents unwilling to invest in me even though I consider my lack of success mostly their fault. Even though I was on the honor roll in high school and did very well, they considered me an academic failure. As an adult I consider them failures.

[swellmomma]

But I was wondering - How involved were your parents in your education, especially if you graduated in the '70s and '80s? Did your parents read to you? Take you to the library? Did they make sure you did your homework and study for tests?

 

 

I graduated in '95. My folks were not involved in my education much. They came to the school for events and such, and if we were in trouble. BUt they didn't confer with teachers otherwise or check our homework(or even ask if we had any). I skipped most of my classes in grade 11, and a good chunk in grade 12. The principal and I made a deal about it and my folks didn't even know (essentially the deal was if i could prove I was teaching myself the material I would not be reported in my file for skipping, and my parents would not be notified).

 

My mom did take us to the library once a month and we were always reading. So that was very good for us. But museums, science centers etc were extremely rare, my folks do not enjoy them so they didn't take us.

 

I wish my folks were more involved from a safety standpoint more so than an academic one. I hated school, had depression, was bullied, etc. My mom knew part of this but the thought back then was much like it is now, that is will teach a child how to face the real world. It didn't.

 

By contrast when my kids were in public school I was secetary of the PTA, was room mother for both kids, attended the field trips, practiced reading in the hallway with students, ran the phone tree, organized all the other parent volunteers for the K class, cut things out for the teacher at home etc. I had daily contact with the teacher either before or after class to touch base or to help out. I was at every event in the school, often before the event helping prep for it and on the list went. Plus helping my kids with their homework, home reading etc. It didn't matter if my kids were in ps or hs I have always been very involved in their educations.

 

As for the library, let's put it this way, when we moved here I had library cards for all 5 of us before I even finished unpacking boxes. We go to the library a minimum of once a week sometimes more. The kids love museums, and art galleries and the symphony etc.

 

I wanted very much to be guiding their educations regardless of where they learned and do all the things I wanted to do as a kid/teen. I think I would have been an ideal homeschool student back then, but times were different and my folks never even considered homeschooling as an option. In our city there was 3 high schools, 1 was french immersion, 1 focused more on vocational skills, and the 1 I attended had a more academic bent. Telling me I had no choice but to attend that 1 school was as involved in my education as they got. They didn't even know I dropped grade 11 physics and replaced it with grade 10 foods until the end of term report cards came out. I aced that class lol I hated physics by the 2nd class so switched it. I can't imagine my kids being able to drop a class and take something less challenging without me knowing about it right away, not 5 months down the road.

[Laura Corin]

My parents were very involved in our upbringing, but they didn't ask much about school. They paid for two of us (who passed entrance exams) to go to private school. I know they worried about my eldest brother (bullied at state, i.e. public school) but felt powerless to do anything: there was no transfer system and he couldn't pass exams to go to private school.

 

I had to go and do my homework in the evenings, but they didn't check what I had done. Maybe they would have done if there had been complaints from school. They supported (but didn't push) my university plans and were very pleased with my results. They didn't interfere at all once I was at university.

 

I think they got the balance about right, but I was a conscientious student, so I don't know how they would have acted otherwise.

 

ETA: it was a 'cultured' household. We all read, including some fairly heavy books. I was taken to the theatre often as a teenager (Royal Shakespeare Company) and also to concerts and (once) to the opera. Dinner-table conversation was wide and knowledgeable. I finished 'high school' in 1981.

 

Laura

Edited January 2, 2012 by Laura Corin

[ErinE]

This thread has been so interesting because it is a mix of hands-off and involved parenting. It's fascinating to see how different backgrounds can lead to the same results.

 

I graduated in 1995 and I would say other than reading a lot themselves, my parents were fairly hands off for their children's education. They were more involved in my older sister's schools and college choices, but I think it's part and parcel of being the eldest. I was left alone except for my mother taking me to her work so I could use the typewriters. I studied for the SAT on my own and chose my college prep classes with no guidance from my parents. My biggest influence was my older sister as my father constantly threatened to withdraw her from college for financial reasons. I made sure my parents would have no claim over me financially once I graduated from high school.

 

In high school, I graduated eighth in a class of 650 and since honors were ranked higher than regular classes, I was the only person with a varsity letter in the top 20. I researched scholarships and applied for every scholarship for which I could qualify. I was a National Merit Scholar and AP Scholar. I received enough scholarship money to pay for my college degree and I worked part-time in college while participating in sports and serving in student government. When school was in session, I didn't sleep more than five hours a night for two of my four years in college. I was crazy.

 

This hasn't prevented my mother from claiming my achievements as her own which sets my teeth on edge. I love her dearly and I'm grateful to her for being a loving parent, but my education came through my own efforts. I was highly motivated, both internally and financially, and my mother had little influence or impact on my motivation.

 

Because I felt my own background was lacking, I am highly involved in my kid's education. When the kids were in ps, I volunteered in the classroom, served on various committees, and made sure homework was done. After copying reams of busywork and talking to the school teachers, this experience actually convinced me I could teach the kids myself. Even before officially homeschooling, we did math during the summer breaks; I taught my son place value, addition/subtraction, and multiplication/division. I suggested books for him to read and discussed them with him afterwards. Now, we just call my teaching homeschool.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

not very--I was a very self motivated student for the most part....

[The Girls' Mom]

I graduated in '94. The only involvement my parents had was looking at my report card every 6 weeks. Even that wasn't consistent, as I was able to hide a report card for an entire year in the 6th grade :lol: My mom just insisted that I graduate. That was it.

[kalanamak]

 

In short, when I think about it, my parents were nothing short of geniuses. Masters of catching subtleties and masters of indirect influence. Very apt at making "purposeful" experiences seem natural. Very apt at masking what was, essentially, a form of afterschooling as a perfectly normal life.

 

 

 

I also traveled with my parents, and went to museums, etc. We had serious discussions at our long sit-down dinners. But my parents were not geniuses and didn't plot this out at all.

 

I asked my mother, late in her 80s, why on earth she traveled with such a pack of kids. Her reply wasn't to "educate us", but that "I wasn't going to let children interfere with the way I wanted to live my life." Indeed, after we all left home, the funds they had for travel could cover more, and they traveled, etc. even more when we were gone. So, it wasn't afterschooling, it was a perfectly normal life. :)

[Laurie4b]

My parents were not particularly involved but not "distant" either. I would have said uninvolved, but then when I wrote this out, there was more there than I realized! However, there is a strong sense that my education was my job to attain; there certainly wasn't much hovering.

 

Reading: My father read Disney books to me when I was little--Sleeping Beauty before bed. My mother occasionally read a Joan Walsh Anglund (?) book to me. They were for sale in Hallmark stores and had interesting illustrations, but little text. She bought "Little Golden" books for me. I was not exposed to good children's literature at home! There was a TV show that retold some classics so I got some exposure there. Once I got older, that changed some. For instance, Mom bought Little Women when I was older. She read a lot, so bought some decent books, but it wasn't to "educate" me but because she liked them. My father, an engineer, did not read for pleasure.

 

My mother attended parent-teacher conferences.

 

We were in a very good school system and that was important to my parents in choosing where to move.

 

I got straight A's, but don't recall anyone ever helping me or telling me to do homework. I didn't need to be told and we didn't have any homework until 6th grade and much less in high school than current high school students. I could mostly finish it in class (usually other classes, LOL!) or on the bus. I do remember my dad encouraging me when I was anxious that I wouldn't get an A. He basically said grades aren't all that earth shattering. It was helpful. (And I got the A) My parents occasionally came to a sports event I played in and certainly came to graduation.

 

I chose the college I went to without much input. They did take me to visit two others. They paid for college, so that is huge.

 

They mostly weren't involved in day-to-day schooling. That was my job. I don't know what they would have done if I hadn't gotten good grades. My second sister also got good grades. Third sister less so, but by that time, I was an adult, my parents were divorced, and father remarried. She lived with my father and a lot of their interaction was determined by divorce dynamics not by educational philosophy. They did try to get her help for her LD's, but were not very successful with that.

 

I'm in my 50s so I am guessing I'm of the generation whose parents weren't particularly involved.

[higginszoo]

My parents were pretty involved, at first advocating for me and making sure that I got to all of the testing and activities for the programs that fit my needs. we were always afterschooled.

 

Then, they made the financial sacrifice to send us to Catholic school. In the school I went to for 8th grade (my brothers went there longer), she bartered services as school nurse and assistant librarian.

 

I went to Catholic high school as well, sometimes a pretty big distance from home, which with my brothers in school near home, was a big time sink for my mom.

[SailorMom]

My parents were pretty involved until I was in 8th grade. In high school they had no idea what I was doing and I still was alll honors, AP, top of class.

They never got involved with academics, but my mom volunteered all the time.

 

That being said - I have been at MANY schools where parents were all over the place at the school - and the academics were still terrible. The teachers have to teach what is given to them, and many times what is given to them is basically test prep to make the school look good.

[violingirl]

I graduated in 1999 and was homeschooled for a total of 7 years (2 years in high school), and went to private school or public school the other years depending on where we were living at the time. The homeschooling I received before 4th grade was fine, but after that she gave me a stack of books to read but there was never any testing or follow up to it, so I floundered horribly in math and science (I was a music major in college). I was never even asked if I'd completed the reading. I did well on the ACT though and got scholarships so my mom feels like she did just fine. I want much better than that for my kids. When I was in school I got in trouble for grades lower than a B in everything but math and science. They just cared that I passed those with a D, which isn't right IMO.

Edited January 2, 2012 by violingirl
typo

[brightside]

I My mom just insisted that I graduate. That was it.

 

Yep that was my folks. "Get me that sheepskin!!"

[StartingOver]

I would have graduated in 1986. My parents weren't involved at all. I don't remember them ever reading to me, or going to school for any event. My dad would show up when I was in trouble, which wasn't often. Dad would give up $5 for A's on our report card. We would get grounded for anything below a C. I never entered a public library until I went with my step children. I know I put more effort into my kids and their education, even with my step children were in school before we pulled them to homeschool. I volunteered in the classrooms, as crossing guard, teachers helper, recess, events, parties, & etc.

 

I really don't see the difference now, as there were very few children in school that had parents show up. Most of my friends experienced about the same as I did. Most of my step children friends parent's were uninvolved. I was done with the whole thing before my children were even born, I knew I wanted to homeschool.

[Ester Maria]

I also traveled with my parents, and went to museums, etc. We had serious discussions at our long sit-down dinners. But my parents were not geniuses and didn't plot this out at all.

 

I asked my mother, late in her 80s, why on earth she traveled with such a pack of kids. Her reply wasn't to "educate us", but that "I wasn't going to let children interfere with the way I wanted to live my life." Indeed, after we all left home, the funds they had for travel could cover more, and they traveled, etc. even more when we were gone. So, it wasn't afterschooling, it was a perfectly normal life. :)

I do not think one can "plot it all out" to that extent. :001_smile: When we are talking about people for whom it is a normal way of life, it just happens. But my point was that it was still not entirely random.

 

For example, my parents could have had some of their friends over for dinner on the evenings when I was away. They still opted to have them on the evenings when I was home, because, among other things, they thought I might "click" with somebody they invited, if they professionally dealt with things I was interested in or otherwise. So I met quite a few interesting people that way. It was not "plotted" in a sense that those people were invited specifically to meet me under various pretexts, but they could have chosen otherwise, could have socialized completely away from me, and it was not always coincidental that they chose not to. I asked my mother about one person in particular and she openly admitted to me that, other than their friend, they were a good influence on me in many ways and when I was going through some hard times they even asked them to talk to me instead of them. I never knew back then that they asked them to talk to me, that they knew very well what was going on, but thought I would respond better to somebody else. I thought it was a weird strategy until I found myself years later essentially doing the same thing in one occasion.

 

When it comes to travel, our destinations were not random at all. My parents did travel without me too, for tourist purposes, but with me, the same five places seemed to have been the destinations. Incidentally, we typically had family / friends there, and incidentally, we would always get a rich cultural life there too for the time being. My parents could have done all of that without me, but, among other reasons, they thought it was good for me to get out a litte, speak French, sit in some other theatres and operas, see a bit of a different world and how different people live, have time to experience that, etc. It was not just about dragging me to sight-see... it was more about making sure I had a certain international experience under my belt, being comfortable with a few other cultures, etc. I could have spent holidays always at home. Or they could have sent me abroad "to see family". But it was not only about seeing family, because it entailed many other things too.

 

When I was about ten, I quit studying German. Ever since, my parents have always sent me to skiing specifically in Austria and instituted a "spring Vienna family trip" (for which they sometimes pulled me out of school!). I was willing to close that door, the door of German, for myself. They were not willing to close it for me so easily. They could have sent me skiing to many different places, yet it was always Austria. And there was no reason why I would go with them to Vienna every year, I was sick of Vienna anyway (spent most of my early childhood there), but, among other things, they thought it was a good idea as it might lead to some kind of a cultural interest, reconsidering my decision to quit German, etc. They did not "win" that one :D, I never wanted to study it again, but I never "lost" it either and when I grew up I figured out that, with some effort, I could read German publications and even use them in my academic work, even if I was not proficient enough to use it actively myself. My parents could have completely forgone the whole German thing, but they thought it would be good for me to be in touch with it on some level, and they "incorporated" it in my life nonetheless. And it was still so natural for me, even though for them, it was one of - not THE, but one of - considerations when deciding about trips, holidays, etc.

 

When it came to choosing which theatre productions, ballets or operas to see, one of their considerations was always whether I had seen it before or no. There were things my mother could watch ad nauseam - and did, but without me - but they still had a certain vague repertoire they wanted to expose me to. Again, not that any of that was "master plotted", but it was one of their active considerations in choosing what to see each season.

 

That is the kind of things I had in mind - that they actually cared a lot more than they let on and that many of their "natural" choices were not entirely random and not entirely without considering my educational prospects as a part of that. They never did these things just because of me - it was a normal way of life for them, still is - but they were sure to incorporate me into the picture. I think many other parents did that too.

[Trish]

My parents highly valued education, and at the same time were not very involved! I wish they had insisted on me developing study habits. I didn't need them in grammar/high school, but by the time I got to college it took me about two years to develop the study habits I should've already had as a high school student.

 

My husband's parents were very involved, he has GREAT study habits, and I'm trying to instill the same in my own children. I did well in school, but I could've done so much better! I wasn't mature enough to figure that out on my own.

[TheApprentice]

I don't recall my parents reading to me, but they were very involved with "school" stuff. They were constantly helping with homework, science projects, and just making sure I was "ready" for school. By highschool, with both parents working, I was pretty independent. I don't think they were that involved with highschool except for those parent conferences.

[kewb]

A bit of a spin off from the original question but...

 

I have to say though when teachers say they want/expect parental involvement what they are saying the most is that they want parents who PARENT their kids.

 

That is what is lacking now. Kids are not learning basic manners, respect for authority, the ability to share, self-control, boundaries, etc. My husband spends a huge chuck of time just dealing with behavioral issues.

 

Teaching a child to read isn't hard. Teaching a child to stop screaming and throwing chairs when they don't get their way is hard. Especially when the parents respond with, "That doesn't happen at home because we just let Johnny have what he wants."

 

So yeah, parental involvement would be nice. I think parents were more involved when we were kids. Maybe not academically but they were involved.

 

 

:iagree: My parents were not involved in my daily education. My mom did take me to the library and both my parents made sure I was doing my homework, they would quiz me for tests if I asked but I can't say they really knew what was going on.

 

As for the parental involvement at school, all I can say is my kids teachers did not want me involved in what my kids were learning. I agree with the sentiment that what they really want is parents who parent but that is not what they say. I suppose it would not be pc to tell parents to start teaching their kids how to be productive members of society.

[TheHomeScientist]

I graduated from high school in 1971. I think my parents regarded their role as enablers and encouragers rather than teachers, although we did do informal "afterschooling" regularly from the time I was in Kindergarten through maybe 7th or 8th grade. They were also great about getting me "stuff" I needed to pursue my interests, starting with science equipment from elementary school on.

 

I grew up surrounded by books. If I was interested in something, we usually had books on the topic. If not, my parents would go out and get some. My dad would frequently hand me a book and say, "Here, read this. You'll like it." And sometimes, "Here, read this. You'll hate it but you need to read it anyway."

 

I don't remember them ever bugging me about projects or homework, but they really didn't need to.

[DawnM]

Oh, and I forgot about the time I signed myself up for general math. My dad marched right in and demanded I be put in Algebra and told me in no uncertain terms that I would take both Algebra and Geometry before taking any such thing as general math.

 

There was also the time I signed up for some easy English class. That didn't fly either and I was immediately placed in regular English classes (there were no AP or Honors classes at my school at that time.)

 

Dawn

[celticmom]

I was class of 1990 and I would say that my mother was very involoved in my education. She began reading to me as a very young child.

 

I had allergies before most people had ever heard of them and it was very hard to for her to get a proper diagnosis and treatment for me. By the time I started treatment I was well into failure to thrive territory and did not have positive associations with eating since I had been throwing up most of what I ate previously. Mom would read to me to distract me the entire time she was feeding me in order to get a reasonable meal down me.

 

I was reading before I started school. There were always numerous books in our house. Mom still has all of my childhood books and my daughter enjoys them. My parents sent me to private school until they divorced when I was in fourth grade. My mother always knew my teachers and kept track of my assignments and made me do my homework.

 

When I was in high school I transferred to a magnet school. I had to talk my mother into that but my major arguement was the classes that were offered. Two of my best friends transferred to the magnet school as well and it was ALWAYS my mother who picked us up if we stayed after school for an activity. She still knew all my teachers and kept up with my assignments even in high school.

[mcconnellboys]

I grew up in a small town and graduated from eighth grade in 1974 and from high school in 1978. My situation might be a little different from that for a majority of folks because my mom was a teacher and my family owned a business that brought in most of the folks in town, including most of our teachers over the years.

 

So I think that my parents always talked to my teachers and knew from them that I was doing okay, but they never actually talked to me about it, ever worked with me, rarely said anything about any homework, etc.

 

"Did your parents read to you?" I only recall that occurring when I was under the age of 5 and not reading myself....

 

"Take you to the library?" Yes, such as it was for our tiny little town, and it was a place I adored. My poor, overworked and underpaid local librarian attempted to satisfy the needs of all of us who loved books by obtaining things for us from other libraries as often as she could. It was here that I first read through all the different mythologies and various folklores of the world....

 

"Did they make sure you did your homework and study for tests?" As I mentioned above, they were really pretty much detached from my learning from my perspective. I think that if they had perceived that I was having difficulty, perhaps they would have done more, but I'm not certain of that. My geometry teacher and I were so at odds that I barely passed the class. My mother refused to allow me to drop it, but never got me any assistance from anyone else, either, and I refused to take another math class under the same guy, so I took no further math until college.... Oddly, the exact same thing happened when my sister took geometry four years later, with the same sort of results....

 

 

Did your parents read to you? Take you to the library? Did they make sure you did your homework and study for tests?

[vonfirmath]

I see lack of parental involvement listed so often with what is wrong in our schools today. (Ex: "Hold parents accountable" was mentioned in the Dept of Ed/Waiting on Superman thread.)

 

But I was wondering - How involved were your parents in your education, especially if you graduated in the '70s and '80s? Did your parents read to you? Take you to the library? Did they make sure you did your homework and study for tests?

 

I graduated in 1991. Close enough?

 

My parents were super involved in my education. They read to us. Took us to the library (Even different library branches to track down books! And I remember getting books from the bookmobile). We had to do our homework and were expected to get good grades. Basically, we were expected to do our best and they'd be proud of us, but both of us were capable of, and generally pulled off, good grades.

 

When my sister's grades started dropping, my dad went to the school and talked to the teachers to find out what was going on and modified things at home to encourage her to stop slacking on homework. I'm sure he did the same for me -- though obviously I would not know. He was not trying to embarass us. He was trying to help us. Both mother and father were as involved as they could be in attending performances at school, etc.

 

I would have done well in a homeschool environment, I think. But my mother was completely unsuited for teaching. I believe I thrived as I did in the public school environment because of my parents' support and active involvement.

[newbie]

nil

[laundrycrisis]

- How involved were your parents in your education, especially if you graduated in the '70s and '80s? Did your parents read to you? Take you to the library? Did they make sure you did your homework and study for tests?

 

I graduated HS at the end of the 80s. Mine were not involved at all unless there was a problem. When I failed Alg I, my mom found a tutor and drove me to my appointments. My dad made sure I took a typing class well before high school and let me use the Selectric whenever I wanted. And my mom provided lessons and transportation for private music lessons and band activities. That was pretty much all of their involvement in my education.

 

What is funny is that after we were all moved out, my dad went on to teach English at the college level, and my mom now volunteers as a literacy tutor. But neither of them was interested in helping their own kids with studying.

[6packofun]

I graduated in 1990. My mom was a stay-home mom when I was supposed to start Kindergarten (they held me back because of an Oct. birthday ??) and she taught me to read with the help of Bill Cosby's Picture Pages. lol

 

Beyond that, I was on my own. I don't remember either one of my parents ever helping me with homework, asking me except on the rare occasion what I was learning or working on, and I didn't bother them with questions. They did not assist me with preparing for the ACT or choosing/applying for colleges, either, except for the financial aid forms.

 

But I did have a few teachers that were always available when I had questions. That's the kind of role I want to play for my older kids since they don't have that benefit from being in a high school. (Did I just say that? LOL Kidding.) I expect them to be independent, but not to the point of being afraid to ask me or another source for help.

[Kathryn]

My mom helped me learn to read and write before K and took me to the library on the weekends when I was little. Later, she'd drop me off there when I had research papers to write. Other than that, no parental involvement besides telling me Cs were unacceptable and when I brought home a bad report card making me get my teachers to sign a paper every day that I'd done my work until the next report card.

 

I don't think it's parental involvement in education that matters. I think it's parental expectations, discipline, and follow-through.

[TranquilMind]

melissaL;how involved were my parents?

My mother taught me to read before I started school, I was 4 when I started school ,s o she taught me before that.

 

Same with me. She did a smart thing, actually, telling me that one of these days, I would "get to" read. I begged to read and she taught me at 4 or so. Everyone in my family read a lot, so I would always see everyone with a book. That's important, I think.

 

She did numerous spelling quizzes with me, and listened to me read my readers. through high school she proofread my assignments.

Not this, though. I never got any further direction at all. They expected me to do well and I did.

 

 

I was self motivated.

 

Me too.

[Bang!Zoom!]

I would have to say my community and town were essential in my education, and my parents took (at a certain age) it very seriously that I had access to those places of teaching.

 

My own mother was the first literate female person in her family generation, my father a second generation literate.

 

If each of them had come from any place of privilege, they'd have done more.

 

Now going beyond what a text book or academic study can teach you, they were outstanding role models in perseverance, determination and duty.

 

Can't learn that in a book.

 

I look back at them as a grown adult and shudder though...

 

"You let a five year old do what and go where without checking up? - Ya outta your mind?"

 

It was a different time then though.

 

My youngest daughter at 8, compared to me at 8 - wow - what different experiences. At this age compared, I was left home alone for days at a time in the city, unsupervised, no phone call check ups at all..and in the freaking wilderness & woods during summer basically - completely independent and doing for myself.

 

I would begin actual paid work by the age of ten.

 

All my children have far surpassed me in textbook study when our ages are compared.

 

But none of them had the skills of self-independence when compared either.

 

My best friends parents always pitied me and thought of me as feral. If I stopped by their house in the morning to walk to school with one of them; the mothers would smooth out my hair, wash my neck, put gloves on my hands, simple things.

 

There were a few times when I'd go to make a new friend, and in some form or another the parents of the new friend found me to be very threatening and would cease our friendship purposely because of the rash judgement. Wrong side of the tracks type thing...

 

It wouldn't be until much later in life these same people would see me with a different view; and it was a burden for ME to let go of the hurt of their first impressions and shunning. Weird, huh?

 

As a grown woman today, one of my knee-jerk reactions is to coddle those same sorts of kids.

 

And to be honest, that's not always worked out very well. Not because of who the children are, or where they are at - but because of the dynamics of the parents they come with. Very much the story of biting the hand that feeds you.

 

My community never did that to me. I was so lucky to have the guides I did, and the freedom to find those people as I could.

[eternalknot]

Um, my parents are EAST ASIAN :tongue_smilie:to say they were "involved" would be a mild understatement!

 

My parents didn't know it at the time, but they were afterschoolers. It was because of them -to their Asian horror- that I felt comfortable to homeschool their precious grandchildren. I took a lot of what they did with us, and just did it full-time (plus sleeping in!) instead of killing my kids with it after school :).

[Princess Peach]

My mom was very involved with our education. She used to afterschool us before anyone knew what that was! My dad used to wonder aloud why she bothered sending us to school if she was going to teach us when we got home. :D

 

I remember lots and lots of involvement, but more importantly, support and encouragement. My brother was always on honor roll, always got very good grades. I was more of an average student and had to study really hard for a B. But my mom always told me all she expected was my best. And if my best was a B or C, that was good enough for her. Loved that.

[Kathryn]

A few more comments now that I've skimmed the thread.

 

College was just what you do after high school. That was never an option. However, nobody ever told me what I needed to do to get there, either parent or guidance counselor.

 

While my mom wasn't involved in my public school education, she did make sure that I was "educated." We went to museums, historical places, etc. We went to the theatre, the orchestra, etc. I tagged along with her at work all the time (she's a college professor). She had a collection of classical music a mile long. The shelves of her 400 sq. ft. office were lined with books that I read when bored.

 

But, she also encouraged me to drop out of high school when I was very ill and unable to complete my junior year math course before senior year began. The school district said I would have to repeat all of my junior year again, despite the fact that I had completed everything else on homebound instruction and that I was already a year "ahead" in math. She said I should just get my GED and start at the local community college when I was better. So, that's what I did.

[KarenC]

I don't remember my parents ever helping with my homework or suggesting which classes to take at the high school level.

 

Karen

[LostSurprise]

My parents did a few things well and were ignorant of others. I honestly don't think it occurred to either of them that we needed that much hands on work. I think they assumed that if they were doing their job raising us well we would be efficient, self-motivated learners without need of specific help.

 

They did expend a great deal of time (my mom) and thought (my dad and his theories) raising us, but both of them did not come from families that educated in a hands on manner. My mother doubted her own intellectual abilities too much. My father has many opinionated theories but couldn't really be bothered with that much time (thank God).

 

I thank them for giving birth to a hybrid (me) with the confidence and interest to do more.

[Myeightkiddies]

I thought that I responded to this post yesterday, but I must have not posted (got distracted).

 

 

But I was wondering - How involved were your parents in your education, especially if you graduated in the '70s and '80s? I did graduate during that time-frame.

Did your parents read to you? I have no recollection of them having ever read a book to me, even as a small child.

 

Take you to the library? They dropped me off at the library once, but I had to find my way home. They never went inside.

Did they make sure you did your homework and study for tests? No. I only recall them asking to see my report card once the entire thirteen years (K-12). They also never went to open houses or teacher conferences.

 

I was solely responsible for choosing my own high school courses, which were college-prep, AP, and honors. It was my responsibility, as they didn't even know that I was doing it, to seek out and apply for scholarships and college. When I did go to college, I paid for it myself as I worked three jobs prior to and two jobs during. I was not able to finish college before I married, though my dh did, but I was able to return to college, a class at a time, until I finished.