Did you all read about the girl in Indiana who died?

[Jennifer3141]

:iagree::iagree:

 

She obviously didn't have anyone else to help. This is what happens when we break down the community and woman culture. No one to help when we need it. And God forbid you need it, you'll be judged coming and going.

 

Her other option was to leave them alone and then we'd all be judging her for that. :glare:

 

Is this trailer park subsidized by the gov't or something?? How were there so many child molesters there??

Edited December 28, 2011 by Jennifer3141

[littleWMN]

Chris, where did you get all of those details? I didn't read that in the article that was linked.

[bettyandbob]

Chris, here is an AP story I've found

 

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_INDIANA_MISSING_GIRL?SITE=CAVIC&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

 

I do not see the facts you keep citing (her father was a molestor, person with whom she lived was a molestor).

 

I do see one explanation as to why she sent the kids with a sitter while she was sick-- her step grandfather, with whom she lived worked nights and slept days. She probably got them out of the house most of the day to deal with this, but since the school was on holiday and she was sick she probably couldn't get them out and keeping them quiet in a very small space was not likely.

 

We really don't know all the facts or know this family's circumstance to pass a judgement.

[Moxie]

Her other option was to leave them alone and then we'd all be judgig her for that. :glare:

 

 

 

I guess I just don't see these as her only two options. The kids are 7 and 9, right? That is plenty old enough to sit and watch TV or play quietly in the house while Mom is sick.

[bettyandbob]

I guess I just don't see these as her only two options. The kids are 7 and 9, right? That is plenty old enough to sit and watch TV or play quietly in the house while Mom is sick.

 

 

watching tv was probably not an option since the step grandfather worked nights and slept days and probably expected the trailer to be quiet.

[Whereneverever]

I guess I just don't see these as her only two options. The kids are 7 and 9, right? That is plenty old enough to sit and watch TV or play quietly in the house while Mom is sick.

 

That really depends on the kids. My almost 8 year old gets into amazing shenanigans when not well supervised.

[Samiam]

Gosh, lots of you are very judgemental.

 

The thing is, there are many many people out there that are just, well, uneducated, and then add to that low-income, and their scope of life is very limited. They don't see all of the options that many of us see. They don't know how to use the resources that would be out there for them. They just live their lives the same way they were raised, and to many of us, they are living a very poor lifestyle (in terms of choices, not just income). That sounds to me what is happening to this woman and her family, thus living in a trailer park full of pedophiles. Sometimes they just don't know they have choices. And you know, in small rural areas, there really are not alot of choices. (not sure of the setting for this story, whether it was a city or rural area). I have family members, distant ones, who live a similiar lifestyle. They have little education, have made some bad choices, and have very little options. They just don't know any better.

 

You've decided that she was a bad mother because she left her children to be cared for. Whether she was sick, or mourning, or taking care of "death" business, or just choosing to be away from her children, WE do NOT know. She made arrangements for her children to be taken care of. For that, she is judged?

 

You've read so much between the lines already, that you feel comfortable knowing that she is a bad mother, and it's partially her fault that her child was murdered? That's like saying that the mother of Jaycee Dugard was at fault for her daughter getting kidnapped because she let her go to the bus stop alone. YOU would never do that, but that mother should be blamed for not knowing any better, right?

 

Okay, now she knows, as do we, the choice in caretaker was a horrible, life-altering choice. The mother will pay for that choice for the rest of her life, in the fact that her daughter is dead.

 

God forbid anything as horrible, in any way shape or form should happen to any of us, lest we be judged so quickly by the nation reading a short news story.

 

Sure, parts of the story that we have HEARD make us think :confused:.....but often there are parts that are left out, details we don't know. Please keep that in mind.

[Wabi Sabi]

Her other option was to leave them alone and then we'd all be judgig her for that. :glare:

 

Is this trailer park subsidized by the gov't or something?? How were there so many child molesters there??

 

There are very few places for them to live and despicable human beings or not, they have to live somewhere, right?

 

My understanding is that when they were released from prison they were given a map with areas where they are allowed to live highlighted in order to help them find housing. It can't be within a certain distance from any school, daycare center, etc. so that automatically makes the geographical area to search for housing very small. It's also probably safe to assume that most people being released from prison on sex crimes aren't a financial position to afford much of anything at all. Within the "safe" area in this town there happens to be this particular trailer park that from all appearances is quite rundown, small and probably cheaper than anything else they could possibly find (I'm in Indiana and am familiar with the area.) When you look at it that way, it makes sense that so many sex offenders are clustered in such a small area.

Edited December 28, 2011 by Wabi Sabi

[Jennifer3141]

There are very few places for them to live and despicable human beings or not, they have to live somewhere, right?

 

My understanding is that when they were released from prison they were given a map with areas where they are allowed to live highlighted in order to help them find housing. It can't be within a certain distance from any school, daycare center, etc. so that automatically makes the geographical area to search for housing very small. It's also probably safe to assume that most people being released from prison on sex crimes aren't a financial position to afford much of anything at all. Within the "safe" area in this town there happens to be this particular trailer park that from all appearances is quite rundown, small and probably cheaper than anything else they could possibly find (I'm in Indiana and am familiar with the area.) When you look at it that way, it makes sense that so many sex offenders are clustered in such a small area.

 

I totally get that they need to live somewhere but I think having them clustered like this is a particularly bad idea. I was just wondering if we've gotten to the point that instead of supplying people with decent "halfway houses," we're now just sticking them in delapidated trailer parks and hoping no one with kids is stupid or poor enough to move in!!

[Ailaena]

I'm sorry, I disagree. I really think the Mom bears some blame here. It isn't normal for an unrelated male to want to watch 3 young girls for a week. And those girls were old enough that she didn't have to have someone watching them because she was sick.

 

 

You're absolutely right, it is totally unusual for people to help out one another for ANY reason. Based on this thread, no one is trustworthy, and anyone who wants to help should be immediately suspected of ulterior motives.:glare:

 

 

Gosh, lots of you are very judgemental.

 

 

Samiam, is this your first day here? </sarcasm>

 

 

And wasn't the 9yo disabled? Also possibly "emotionally disturbed" and a sleepwalker? That would make it difficult for her to care for herself or her younger siblings. I read that this morning somewhere and can't find it again, I will look harder.

[Alicia64]

Never trust anyone with your children. PERIOD!

 

I haven't read all of the posts, but I tend to agree with this. I've heard so many stories from adult friends who were left with adults when they were kids "who seemed fine" and weren't.

 

The bad guys don't often look like bad guys -- that's the problem. So, how are you going to know?

 

Alley

[Samiam]

I totally get that they need to live somewhere but I think having them clustered like this is a particularly bad idea. I was just wondering if we've gotten to the point that instead of supplying people with decent "halfway houses," we're now just sticking them in delapidated trailer parks and hoping no one with kids is stupid or poor enough to move in!!

 

That is exactly what we do. Have you heard of Tuttle Bridge in Miami? There are hundreds of registered pedophiles living under and around the bridge. That is their registered address, and accepted by the State of FL. Why, because they have no where else to go due to their restrictions on where they can live. So they live in boxes under Tuttle Bridge...hundreds of pedophiles...and this is considered fine by the state. Don't get me wrong, completely not sticking up for pedophiles, they can live in a ditch as far as I care, but my point is, yes, they cluster together because they often have no other choice, and then often feed off of each other.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julia_Tuttle_Causeway_sex_offender_colony

[Moxie]

Gosh, lots of you are very judgemental.

 

The thing is, there are many many people out there that are just, well, uneducated, and then add to that low-income, and their scope of life is very limited. They don't see all of the options that many of us see. They don't know how to use the resources that would be out there for them. They just live their lives the same way they were raised, and to many of us, they are living a very poor lifestyle (in terms of choices, not just income). That sounds to me what is happening to this woman and her family, thus living in a trailer park full of pedophiles. Sometimes they just don't know they have choices. And you know, in small rural areas, there really are not alot of choices. (not sure of the setting for this story, whether it was a city or rural area). I have family members, distant ones, who live a similiar lifestyle. They have little education, have made some bad choices, and have very little options. They just don't know any better.

 

You've decided that she was a bad mother because she left her children to be cared for. Whether she was sick, or mourning, or taking care of "death" business, or just choosing to be away from her children, WE do NOT know. She made arrangements for her children to be taken care of. For that, she is judged?

 

You've read so much between the lines already, that you feel comfortable knowing that she is a bad mother, and it's partially her fault that her child was murdered? That's like saying that the mother of Jaycee Dugard was at fault for her daughter getting kidnapped because she let her go to the bus stop alone. YOU would never do that, but that mother should be blamed for not knowing any better, right?

 

Okay, now she knows, as do we, the choice in caretaker was a horrible, life-altering choice. The mother will pay for that choice for the rest of her life, in the fact that her daughter is dead.

 

God forbid anything as horrible, in any way shape or form should happen to any of us, lest we be judged so quickly by the nation reading a short news story.

 

Sure, parts of the story that we have HEARD make us think :confused:.....but often there are parts that are left out, details we don't know. Please keep that in mind.

 

So if a parent, who thinks they are doing the best that they can, leaves a child locked in a car while they go to work, do laundry, etc. etc., and the child dies, we're not allowed to have an opinion about their actions because they are doing the best they know how??

[annandatje]

Sometimes when people convince themselves that a person was at least partly to blame for their own misfortune, they want to feel that if they continue making what they believe to be wise decisions, the same tragedy will not happen to them.

 

Many people take a network of stable functional family and friends as a given in life. That is not reality for a lot of people; perhaps this woman had spent her lifetime surrounded by a criminal subculture so that an assault conviction would not raise a red flag for her. It is hard to say because no one here knows her circumstances unless they knew her in real life.

 

At any rate, I'd rather live in a world where compassion was the response instead of scrutiny of her lifestyle to determine that she was somehow partially culpable in her child's death.

[bettyandbob]

this thread reminds why I don't interact with groups of women IRL. I'll see one or two friends at a time. Just being at church coffee gives me the creeps with the judgements women throw around, often without knowing facts.

[Jennifer3141]

That is exactly what we do. Have you heard of Tuttle Bridge in Miami? There are hundreds of registered pedophiles living under and around the bridge. That is their registered address, and accepted by the State of FL. Why, because they have no where else to go due to their restrictions on where they can live. So they live in boxes under Tuttle Bridge...hundreds of pedophiles...and this is considered fine by the state. Don't get me wrong, completely not sticking up for pedophiles, they can live in a ditch as far as I care, but my point is, yes, they cluster together because they often have no other choice, and then often feed off of each other.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julia_Tuttle_Causeway_sex_offender_colony

 

 

I've read about this and it's sick. I mourn the dead child like I've said but I think it's appalling that we are tossing the sickest people in the world out in the street to live in boxes.

 

And then we all act shocked when it ends badly.

[justamouse]

So if a parent, who thinks they are doing the best that they can, leaves a child locked in a car while they go to work, do laundry, etc. etc., and the child dies, we're not allowed to have an opinion about their actions because they are doing the best they know how??

 

There is a huge difference. A car is not a human being, expected to care for your child, being the first big one.

[Samiam]

So if a parent, who thinks they are doing the best that they can, leaves a child locked in a car while they go to work, do laundry, etc. etc., and the child dies, we're not allowed to have an opinion about their actions because they are doing the best they know how??

 

Totally not what happened here, as far as we know the mother did not know the man would murder her child, so you are taking that way out of context, I assume to argue just for the sake of arguing.

 

A mother who needed some one to watch her children arranged for a trusted family friend to do that, is in the same context as as a mother who leaves her child locked in the car while she goes to work? So those are both as equally horrible parenting choices in your book? Both mothers should be judged as bad parents? Really? I"ll repeat my statement that many here are very judgemental.

[littleWMN]

I guess I just don't see these as her only two options. The kids are 7 and 9, right? That is plenty old enough to sit and watch TV or play quietly in the house while Mom is sick.

 

The 9 year old, that died, had vision, hearing, and emotional problems, as well as ADD.

[Ailaena]

So if a parent, who thinks they are doing the best that they can, leaves a child locked in a car while they go to work, do laundry, etc. etc., and the child dies, we're not allowed to have an opinion about their actions because they are doing the best they know how??

 

 

Fallacy of comparison?

 

 

Also, "Souders said her daughter has vision and hearing problems and suffers from attention deficit disorder and emotional problems."

 

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/12/26/missing-girl-mystery-deepens-as-indiana-police-say-little-after-calling-off/#ixzz1hs101KQe

 

 

[Jennifer3141]

I haven't read all of the posts, but I tend to agree with this. I've heard so many stories from adult friends who were left with adults when they were kids "who seemed fine" and weren't.

 

The bad guys don't often look like bad guys -- that's the problem. So, how are you going to know?

 

Alley

 

 

And you can totally have that attitude. Just be aware that when you're letting your kids crawl all over a hospital waiting room with MRSA all over the place because you won't buld a good network of people to love and help out, that there are people like myself who are judging YOU and who think you are not a particularly stellar parent. :glare:

 

You know because you have to trust some humans at some point or the idea of breeding more humans just seems illogical. You're raising trustworthy people, I hope. If you cannot trust anyone else in the entire world, why are you having children? Who are your kids supposed to grow up and be friends with? Marry? What's the point if all of humanity sucks?

[Lang Syne Boardie]

You know, some women don't have intellect, support, experience, options, health, or wealth. Some people are just in a very bad situation. Some people were deprived of a decent upbringing. For some people life just sucks. Not everybody can be us.

 

Whatever led this woman and her children to that place, the information provided is that the babysitter was a trusted friend and neighbor of 3-4 years' experience.

 

She. did. not. hand. her. baby. over. to. be. murdered.

 

She allowed someone she trusted to take care of her children while she was sick and that someone turned out to be a monster, unworthy of trust. Her child was destroyed. Her life was destroyed. Her other children's lives were destroyed.

 

I live in Indiana. I couldn't help seeing this story on our local news. It hurt so bad, partly because I, myself, was a little girl growing up in a scary trailer park. So much pain for the community, our state, and mothers everywhere. So I mentally leave the trailer park and the grieving community and come here to the meeting place of educated middle-class people who are sitting here blaming the mother. This thread makes me sick.

 

What is education for, if not to help us understand the plight of others less fortunate? Not everybody has the same gifts. Not everybody has the same opportunities to develop wisdom or to obtain safe housing or good friends. But everybody, everybody, everybody dies inside when they lose a child.

[Jennifer3141]

Tibbie, I think you're awesome. :grouphug:

[pdalley]

So if a parent, who thinks they are doing the best that they can, leaves a child locked in a car while they go to work, do laundry, etc. etc., and the child dies, we're not allowed to have an opinion about their actions because they are doing the best they know how??

 

How about this 'mother'?

 

http://abcnews.go.com/WN/accused-shaniya-davis-kidnapper-charged-murder-rape/story?id=9136407#.TvuZKvL9qdk

 

I'm not ashamed of having a very poor opinion of this woman in the link I posted. She disgusts me. I don't know enough about this new story - perhaps the mother was doing the best she could under the circumstances. It's too soon to tell about this case. It's tragic and horrific to be sure.

[chepyl]

Never trust anyone with your children. PERIOD!

 

I have a husband who is can adjust his work schedule however he wants. He has 5 siblings nearby. My parents are 20 minutes away. I teach dance and have several responsible teenage girls who I have trust my children with, I have know them for years.

 

Not everyone is that blessed. Most people need help with their kids at some point. When I am in the hospital having my baby, DH will stay with me the whole time. My kids will stay with my parents. If a woman does not have family or friends nearby, when they need help, they male the best choices they can. Someone who cannot afford a good sitter will be in an even tighter spot.

 

There are people with whom you can leave your children, people you can trust. I had an amazing babysitter growing up, she is like a big sister. I was as safe with her as I was with my parents. I hate that we live in a world where so many horrible things can happen to our children. But I cannot imagine living my life trusting noone! I am careful who I choose to care for my children. Maybe this mom had noone. I have been so sick I could not care for the kids. If I was on my own, I might have had to find a neighbor who could help with my babies.

[annandatje]

You know, some women don't have intellect, support, experience, options, health, or wealth. Some people are just in a very bad situation. Some people were deprived of a decent upbringing. For some people life just sucks. Not everybody can be us.

 

Whatever led this woman and her children to that place, the information provided is that the babysitter was a trusted friend and neighbor of 3-4 years' experience.

 

She. did. not. hand. her. baby. over. to. be. murdered.

 

She allowed someone she trusted to take care of her children while she was sick and that someone turned out to be a monster, unworthy of trust. Her child was destroyed. Her life was destroyed. Her other children's lives were destroyed.

 

I live in Indiana. I couldn't help seeing this story on our local news. It hurt so bad, partly because I, myself, was a little girl growing up in a scary trailer park. So much pain for the community, our state, and mothers everywhere. So I mentally leave the trailer park and the grieving community and come here to the meeting place of educated middle-class people who are sitting here blaming the mother. This thread makes me sick.

 

What is education for, if not to help us understand the plight of others less fortunate? Not everybody has the same gifts. Not everybody has the same opportunities to develop wisdom or to obtain safe housing or good friends. But everybody, everybody, everybody dies inside when they lose a child.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Audrey]

 

The blame for this tragedy is 100% on the shoulders of the monster who did it. Full stop.

 

:iagree:

[Xuzi]

You know, some women don't have intellect, support, experience, options, health, or wealth. Some people are just in a very bad situation. Some people were deprived of a decent upbringing. For some people life just sucks. Not everybody can be us.

 

Whatever led this woman and her children to that place, the information provided is that the babysitter was a trusted friend and neighbor of 3-4 years' experience.

 

She. did. not. hand. her. baby. over. to. be. murdered.

 

She allowed someone she trusted to take care of her children while she was sick and that someone turned out to be a monster, unworthy of trust. Her child was destroyed. Her life was destroyed. Her other children's lives were destroyed.

 

I live in Indiana. I couldn't help seeing this story on our local news. It hurt so bad, partly because I, myself, was a little girl growing up in a scary trailer park. So much pain for the community, our state, and mothers everywhere. So I mentally leave the trailer park and the grieving community and come here to the meeting place of educated middle-class people who are sitting here blaming the mother. This thread makes me sick.

 

What is education for, if not to help us understand the plight of others less fortunate? Not everybody has the same gifts. Not everybody has the same opportunities to develop wisdom or to obtain safe housing or good friends. But everybody, everybody, everybody dies inside when they lose a child.

 

Cannot agree enough with this post! Why is so much of this thread dedicated to pointing out all the failings of the mother (which I'm sure she's *perfectly* aware of just now) and not the MAN WHO DID IT??? "There but for the grace of God..." go any one of us.

 

Gosh, the mentality displayed in this thread brings to mind comments you hear when a woman is raped. "Well, she was dressed like a tramp! What did she expect would happen?" Disturbing. :(

[snickelfritz]

Tibbie, I think you're awesome. :grouphug:

 

:iagree:

[Embracing Grace]

I have a dear, dear friend who recently had a baby. She has 3 other children (all girls), her husband is temporarily absent for very unfortunate reasons, and her family is entirely unsupportive. She had absolutely no child care while she was in the hospital having her baby. She faced the necessity of leaving her three girls with a male neighbor for several days. Now, this man has been a neighbor and family friend for several years, and has watched her girls numerous times (never more than 3 hours). But who knows who he is, ultimately? He appears safe, has no red flags while he interacts with the girls, etc. He's a single middle aged man who lives across the street. I was very, very uncomfortable with that idea, and was able to move into her house for a little while and take care of her kids. I can totally see how single mothers in reduced circumstances end up in terrible binds where they NEED someone to take care of their kids while they do other things. Like have a baby, or pass out in the bed room with a killer migraine. What to do, what to do....

[Joy at Home]

Very well said, Tibby.

 

You know, some women don't have intellect, support, experience, options, health, or wealth. Some people are just in a very bad situation. Some people were deprived of a decent upbringing. For some people life just sucks. Not everybody can be us.

 

Whatever led this woman and her children to that place, the information provided is that the babysitter was a trusted friend and neighbor of 3-4 years' experience.

 

She. did. not. hand. her. baby. over. to. be. murdered.

 

She allowed someone she trusted to take care of her children while she was sick and that someone turned out to be a monster, unworthy of trust. Her child was destroyed. Her life was destroyed. Her other children's lives were destroyed.

 

I live in Indiana. I couldn't help seeing this story on our local news. It hurt so bad, partly because I, myself, was a little girl growing up in a scary trailer park. So much pain for the community, our state, and mothers everywhere. So I mentally leave the trailer park and the grieving community and come here to the meeting place of educated middle-class people who are sitting here blaming the mother. This thread makes me sick.

 

What is education for, if not to help us understand the plight of others less fortunate? Not everybody has the same gifts. Not everybody has the same opportunities to develop wisdom or to obtain safe housing or good friends. But everybody, everybody, everybody dies inside when they lose a child.

[aggieamy]

Tibbie, I think you're awesome. :grouphug:

 

Ditto!

[momchiroto2]

You know, some women don't have intellect, support, experience, options, health, or wealth. Some people are just in a very bad situation. Some people were deprived of a decent upbringing. For some people life just sucks. Not everybody can be us.

 

Whatever led this woman and her children to that place, the information provided is that the babysitter was a trusted friend and neighbor of 3-4 years' experience.

 

She. did. not. hand. her. baby. over. to. be. murdered.

 

She allowed someone she trusted to take care of her children while she was sick and that someone turned out to be a monster, unworthy of trust. Her child was destroyed. Her life was destroyed. Her other children's lives were destroyed.

 

I live in Indiana. I couldn't help seeing this story on our local news. It hurt so bad, partly because I, myself, was a little girl growing up in a scary trailer park. So much pain for the community, our state, and mothers everywhere. So I mentally leave the trailer park and the grieving community and come here to the meeting place of educated middle-class people who are sitting here blaming the mother. This thread makes me sick.

 

What is education for, if not to help us understand the plight of others less fortunate? Not everybody has the same gifts. Not everybody has the same opportunities to develop wisdom or to obtain safe housing or good friends. But everybody, everybody, everybody dies inside when they lose a child.

 

 

Well said :grouphug:

[TravelingChris]

Because like I said- in the story I read, which has the AP byline, and is written to make the woman sympathetic, it starts with her trying to make sure the park was safe. So even though the grandparent or step-grandparent is a recently convicted and imprisoned child molester, she accepts his opinion of his pervert friends that he met in prison (yes that is in the story) and moves in. Then grandpa dies, trailer goes to one of the creeps living around there, and she gets sick. She asks then asks the one of the two pervs she was concerned about to give a recommendation who should watch kids. I don't really care whether her horrible judgement is caused by stupidity, drugs, alcohol, or mental illness. The only difference that should make in terms of when she could get back the other two kids from foster care where I think they should be right now is if it is a treatable condition, then if she got clean or mentally healthy, she could potentially get the girls back.

 

I am all for the death penalty and that is what I think the perpetrator should get. However, I keep remembering threads about whether to call CPS on someone who isn't reading at a certain age or a family where minimal teaching is happening. I am always against calling CPS for those kind of cases since it is not a matter of safety. But, in my mind, deciding to live with children in a small community where the majority of dwellers are sexual deviants and then moving in with one of those deviants is cause for a call to CPS. We see such overreactions of the punitive system with calls to CPS if a kid runs outside naked or because someone is homeschooling while a true case where CPS needs to be involved- I am not even saying they needed to remove the kids- they needed to tell the mom that she cannot have children living in such an area and with such a person.

 

Oh and I was sick and my kids did have ADHD and they still did okay with me falling asleep while sick.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Thanks, friends. :grouphug:

 

I just read the updated story at www.indystar.com and the details are pretty awful. :(

 

I'll be astonished if her other children are not removed from her care.

Edited December 29, 2011 by Tibbie Dunbar
fixed link

[Cinder]

I just read the updated story at www.indystar.com and the details are pretty awful. :(

 

Just letting you know you have a bad link.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Thank you Cinder, I fixed it.

[kwickimom]

This woman put her sex offender fathers needs over her own children's. The story says she moved there to help him because he was dying and she knew there were sex offenders around (not to mention he was one)

She did not HAVE to move there. She chose to move there. If her child never died it would still be a HORRIBLE choice.

 

No matter how sick I was I would NEVER leave my child with ANYONE in a place like that surrounded by sex offenders. And yes, I would rather take my kids to a MRSA infested hospital than leave them with someone in a child molester community.

 

She couldn't have known he was going to murder her but she had to have known there was a 95% chance her kids would get molested.

 

I want to know where the other kids were when he beat this one to death.

[Lovedtodeath]

Ugh... I wish I wasn't automatically subscribed to this thread. I won't be seeing any more replies. Thanks.

[melissad2]

This woman put her sex offender fathers needs over her own children's. The story says she moved there to help him because he was dying and she knew there were sex offenders around (not to mention he was one)

She did not HAVE to move there. She chose to move there. If her child never died it would still be a HORRIBLE choice.

 

No matter how sick I was I would NEVER leave my child with ANYONE in a place like that surrounded by sex offenders. And yes, I would rather take my kids to a MRSA infested hospital than leave them with someone in a child molester community.

 

She couldn't have known he was going to murder her but she had to have known there was a 95% chance her kids would get molested.

 

I want to know where the other kids were when he beat this one to death.

:iagree:

This whole story is a collection of bad judgement and poor decisions. I feel so bad for the siblings of this child, who knows what might have happened to them as well.

Edited December 29, 2011 by melissad2
misspelling

[Pamela H in Texas]

Well, I can't imagine living in that trailer park. Two dozen homes and 15 sex offenders?

However, the family had known the murderer for 3 or 4 years and he was not a known sex offender, so this wasn't a stranger.

I have known people a LOT less than 3 years and have left my kids with them though I do leave any child VERY rarely.

Once, I even left my two youngest (3yr old and a 1yr old we had at the time) with a respite provider I didn't particularly care for because my daughter and I had been SO sick for a week and needed the help. It was less than 24 hours though. And there isn't anything WRONG with this woman; I simply don't like her.

[Pamela H in Texas]

A car is not a human being, expected to care for your child,

 

But...if you shouldn't leave your kids with ANYONE because the uncle and neighbor and whoever else you've known for 3 or 30 years is going to hurt your kids even though they seem normal enough....What choices do you REALLY have if you HAVE to take care of business and can't care hands-on for your children 24/7?

 

Seriously, parents just can't win. They can't put their kids at risk for caring for them with a collapsed lung. They can't put their kids at risk for leaving them in a locked car unattended when they can't care for them themselves. They can't leave their kids with people they've known for years. Parents just can't do ANYTHING right!

 

ETA: Additionally, unless YOU parent a certain child, you have NO idea what is possible in terms of expectations based on a diagnosis or two and an age! Some kids are much more capable than their age/diagnoses suggest (like my now teen son was even as a preschooler). Others are much less capable than age/diagnoses suggest (like my now littles).

Edited December 29, 2011 by 2J5M9K

[Cindyz]

Cannot agree enough with this post! Why is so much of this thread dedicated to pointing out all the failings of the mother (which I'm sure she's *perfectly* aware of just now) and not the MAN WHO DID IT??? "There but for the grace of God..." go any one of us.

 

Gosh, the mentality displayed in this thread brings to mind comments you hear when a woman is raped. "Well, she was dressed like a tramp! What did she expect would happen?" Disturbing. :(

 

It's really not the same. In this case, it just doesn't make sense and the story she is telling just doesn't seem right. I'm betting that in time, more details will come out that will show there was a lot more to her story than what she is telling.

 

If she was so sick with the flu, why didn't he just come over and help out? Was she so sick for 48 hours that she could not call them to see how they were doing? The girl was missing for 48 hours before the authorities were notified. During that time she never bothered to call once to see how they were or to let them know she was ok?

 

This is why I say unless she was in the hospital, I don't think her story is true.

 

IF she truly was sick and at home, in bed, so sick that she couldn't care for or even call her children, and that proves to be true, then I have no blame for her.

 

However, I'm sorry to say that I will be very surprised if that truly was the case.

[mcconnellboys]

I can not understand why she would take her children to such a dangerous place....

[KidsHappen]

I think that people who are saying that they could continue caring for their children when they have the flu have never actually had the flu. The flu is an extremely serious matter. Many people are hospitalized each year for the flu and people still die from the flu all the time. I have had the flu twice when I had such a high fever that I was delirious for four or five days and lost consciousness many times. I was unable to go to the bathroom by myself or get medication and a drink for myself. I was in no condition to care for myself much less children. Luckily, I had reliable, safe people to help me but not everyone has that. The normal duration of the real flu is 10 days. I have no idea how sick this woman was but it is totally conceivable that she was sick enough with the flu that she could not care for her children or even make good decisions concerning their care.

[coffeefreak]

I think that people who are saying that they could continue caring for their children when they have the flu have never actually had the flu. The flu is an extremely serious matter. Many people are hospitalized each year for the flu and people still die from the flu all the time. I have had the flu twice when I had such a high fever that I was delirious for four or five days and lost consciousness many times. I was unable to go to the bathroom by myself or get medication and a drink for myself. I was in no condition to care for myself much less children. Luckily, I had reliable, safe people to help me but not everyone has that. The normal duration of the real flu is 10 days. I have no idea how sick this woman was but it is totally conceivable that she was sick enough with the flu that she could not care for her children or even make good decisions concerning their care.

 

:iagree:

The two times I have had the flu DH has had to take off work. Heck, he's had to take off work when I haven't had the flu! One time, I woke up with a stomach virus and dd called him at work and told him I was on the floor in the bathroom "Frowing up." He FLEW home. She was only 4 and my youngest was 1. I thought I could handle being sick and was ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY wrong. I spent the next 24 hours in bed with no control over my faculties or the house. I didn't read all the other answers, but I sat here with my mouth open at the horror of the crime. That poor mother! Times are hard, and I think it's so unfair to judge her for her living situation. Her decision will haunt her for the rest of her life, and I feel nothing but compassion for her right now.

 

:(

Dorinda

[TravelingChris]

No, I am not saying that flu is nothing. I am saying that no rational person would move into a trailer park with children where there were so many sex offenders and when you would be living with one of the sex offenders. No rational person should be trusting a person they know to be a convicted sex offender for opinions about which person should be trusted. That is why I am sure she is not rational- I don't know if it is because she is a drunk, a drug abuser, mentally ill or simply to stupid to not think straight, but I can't believe that anyone on this board would choose to go live in a sex offenders household let alone be completed surrounded by sex offenders with their small children. That is simply lunacy.

[coffeefreak]

No, I am not saying that flu is nothing. I am saying that no rational person would move into a trailer park with children where there were so many sex offenders and when you would be living with one of the sex offenders. No rational person should be trusting a person they know to be a convicted sex offender for opinions about which person should be trusted. That is why I am sure she is not rational- I don't know if it is because she is a drunk, a drug abuser, mentally ill or simply to stupid to not think straight, but I can't believe that anyone on this board would choose to go live in a sex offenders household let alone be completed surrounded by sex offenders with their small children. That is simply lunacy.

 

True, and I agree with you there. The whole thing is making me feel yucky. I mean, it's no win right? The registered sex offender is the father of her children, the other guy was a good family friend, did she have anywhere else to go? We don't know. Blech, Blech, Blech!!!!!!

 

Dorinda who is still :(

[coffeefreak]

You know, some women don't have intellect, support, experience, options, health, or wealth. Some people are just in a very bad situation. Some people were deprived of a decent upbringing. For some people life just sucks. Not everybody can be us.

 

Whatever led this woman and her children to that place, the information provided is that the babysitter was a trusted friend and neighbor of 3-4 years' experience.

 

She. did. not. hand. her. baby. over. to. be. murdered.

 

She allowed someone she trusted to take care of her children while she was sick and that someone turned out to be a monster, unworthy of trust. Her child was destroyed. Her life was destroyed. Her other children's lives were destroyed.

 

I live in Indiana. I couldn't help seeing this story on our local news. It hurt so bad, partly because I, myself, was a little girl growing up in a scary trailer park. So much pain for the community, our state, and mothers everywhere. So I mentally leave the trailer park and the grieving community and come here to the meeting place of educated middle-class people who are sitting here blaming the mother. This thread makes me sick.

 

What is education for, if not to help us understand the plight of others less fortunate? Not everybody has the same gifts. Not everybody has the same opportunities to develop wisdom or to obtain safe housing or good friends. But everybody, everybody, everybody dies inside when they lose a child.

 

I love this. This is perfectly put.

:grouphug:

[5kidsforME]

No, I am not saying that flu is nothing. I am saying that no rational person would move into a trailer park with children where there were so many sex offenders and when you would be living with one of the sex offenders. No rational person should be trusting a person they know to be a convicted sex offender for opinions about which person should be trusted. That is why I am sure she is not rational- I don't know if it is because she is a drunk, a drug abuser, mentally ill or simply to stupid to not think straight, but I can't believe that anyone on this board would choose to go live in a sex offenders household let alone be completed surrounded by sex offenders with their small children. That is simply lunacy.

 

I TOTALLY agree.