Jean in Newcastle Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 We've lived in this neighborhood for 12 years. For 12 years we've taken around a plate of Christmas cookies to each neighbor and our Christmas newsletter. Our neighbors have been friendly and some of them have become good friends. One of them was stand-offish but we just folded them in anyway so as not to leave anyone out. In the last year, our neighborhood has changed. The new neighbors (2 families) who have come in were welcomed by us with cookies and an introduction but have been hardly even civil in return. I'm talking not even waving when we say "hi" on the street. Another family's child was extremely mean to my dd. We haven't said anything to them but have withdrawn quietly from interactions with them. It's Christmas week. For the first time in 12 years I'm feeling like I'm not sure I want to take anything around. Out of the 9 houses that we typically visit, I only feel warm fuzzies for 5. Should I just take stuff to the 5 and skip the unsocial ones? Should I show the grace of the season and take stuff to all 9 anyway? Should I spend a lot of time and energy to bake a bunch of different kinds of cookies (what we've done in the past)? Should I just bake one kind and hope they like them? Or bake a small quick loaf and take that with our letter? I'm hoping that your answers will help me see what I want to do deep down. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Just take to the 5 unless you want to try to mend fences with the others. I think this is they type of situation where you apply the 'be the change you want to see in the world' adage. I see nothing wrong with altering the amount or combination that you give different families. If you want to just do a loaf of quick bread....that is plenty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Take them to all 9. Maybe you can soften up the mean or standoffish ones. They would be so blessed to have your family as friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyinND Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I would only bring to the 5. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Take the cookies to the people you like, and forget about the rest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeeBeaks Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Well, us personally, we did our usual, including bread to the jerks who moved next door. I'm only out a loaf of cranberry bread, and maybe the spirit of the season will touch their hearts. We do all the close neighbors, so about 5 houses (two on each side of us and 3 across the street). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susann Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Baking wise do whatever you'd like to bake. I think I'd still take them to everyone. I always have to remind myself that I don't know what's going on in other people's lives and they might be going through some tough times-especially if a move is involved. If things don't change in the next year, don't include them but at least you tried! What a wonderful tradition to have!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Just take to the 5 and do what is easiest for you -- anything you bring will be welcome and enjoyed. DH brought home a simple small loaf of pumpkin bread tonight that someone in the office brought in for him -- you would have thought it was made of gold when the kids unwrapped it. It was such a nice surprise dessert for them. It's the thought -- :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillieBoy Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Show them how it's done, Jean. Everyone seems to be hiding and paranoid of their neighbors these days, and I can understand why sometimes. I would have loved a neighborhood mentor like you when I moved. Do what comes to your heart. If you are going to make all different kinds for the five families anyway its just as easy to double those batches.:cheers2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I would take them to all 9. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I would just do the five. I'm exhausted emotionally from so many things year I don't have the energy to work on frayed relationships. I'd wish them well if I passed them on the street, otherwise I'd let it go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom31257 Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 You never know what's going on in people's lives to cause them to be mean or rude. I would take to all of them because you may never know what a kind gesture can mean. I believe this is what Christmas is all about. Christ came and laid down his life for all of us, even though He would have rather had the cup pass from him. I believe when we lay down our desires and do what we know is right, we bring His Kingdom to the world. We may not see the fruit of our labor, but God does. He's not on Earth physically to heal and restore, so the work He does now is through each of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Take them to all 9. Maybe you can soften up the mean or standoffish ones. They would be so blessed to have your family as friends. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Just the five. If the not nice ones are again not nice it might make you feel bad, and e wouldn't want that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I feel like I have the devil and angel on each shoulder. One side of me is saying don't waste the energy on the mean people. The other side is saying there's no harm in attempting to spread some cheer to the mean old buggers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Everyone. We were feeling like our new neighbors hated us the first year they moved in. They brought us Christmas goodies and it opened the door for a friendship. Just do something simple for those 4 and something grand for the 5 you really know. It's not like they are going to compare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I would go with all nine. Doesn't matter what you give--the investment in being nice goes a long way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I don't disagree with the idea of giving everybody cookies except to point out that maybe you shouldn't re-kindle an association with the family whose little girl gave your dd such an awful time. If you successfully cut those ties, leave 'em cut! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Show them how it's done, Jean. Everyone seems to be hiding and paranoid of their neighbors these days, and I can understand why sometimes. I would have loved a neighborhood mentor like you when I moved. Do what comes to your heart. If you are going to make all different kinds for the five families anyway its just as easy to double those batches.:cheers2: :iagree: I'd hate to think (if I were one of those neighbors) that all of those years, I was either the nice one or the jerky neighbor. :lol::lol: But I still would have appreciated the gift and yes, it would build bridges instead of tearing them down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I would go with all nine. Doesn't matter what you give--the investment in being nice goes a long way. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 :iagree: I would take only to the ones that you are "friends" with..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I have neighbors on the other side of me that I really do not prefer. At all. I have the kids run them over a present of gingerbread. They can be PITAs, but it's not for my lack of trying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Jean, I would take my regular variety to the 5 neighbors who were kind. Perhaps the relationships with the others will improve over then hyear and then you can include them again. But I wouldn't waste energy on people who don't seem to care for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dhudson Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Having had this discussion with myself today, I took cookies to all of our block in hopes that continuing to show Grace would open some doors. I also wanted to continue to show my kids that we are kind to others no matter what they show us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I would take them to all nine. That would be an expression of who you are, Jean - a kind, loving person. You cannot control how they respond - that's their business. But be who you are and don't let others' negativity affect that. Kind of like, "to your own self be true." And, as someone else already said, you don't know what makes folks act the way they do - perhaps they were having a bad day (week, month, year!). As for the girl who was unkind to your daughter - I'd be slow to avoid her parents based on their daughter's bad behavior unless you're pretty sure they sanctioned it. They might not even know about it. If you took cookies to them and her parents mentioned they were from you, she might have a twinge of conscience and make an effort to be more kind from now on. You never know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I'd do all 9. It might go a long way to thaw out relations with the standoffish ones. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Just to the people who seem to enjoy and appreciate it. I am one of those unsocial neighbors. It's not personal. I just want for our family to live our private life in our home, without feeling any social obligations to exchange holiday niceties with the people who live near us just because they live near us. I do not want to feel I have to include neighbors in cards, baking, gifts etc. I feel these kinds of things can get really out of control. This holiday season is really overwhelming to me and my own to-do list is long enough already. Our neighbors are not people we would stay in touch with if we moved away. We would never hear from each other again. I'm fine with saying hi and letting the kids play together when they want to. I'm not hostile. But I do not see a need or have a desire for a connection to go deeper just because of living close to each other. I certainly don't want to spend time or effort carding and exchanging with neighbors, because our relationship is mostly passing each other going in and out of the neighborhood, and is unlikely to ever become anything more. If someone wants to take around cookies etc to the neighbors just because they like to bake and are looking for people to give baked goods to...that's awesome, go for it. I would accept it graciously. But I would hope it would not be taken personally that I'm not likely to get into a pattern of reciprocal holiday carding and gifting. Here is the thing though....if you came to me in a panic needing to borrow my mixer because you were in the middle of a batch of some holiday baking and yours just died...I would loan you the mixer without a second thought...but I would not expect a batch of anything in return ! I'm not un-neighborly. I'm just not into exchanging stuff. I am going to have our kids take cookies to one house only - because they gave us a huge stash of their kids' old K'nex and Lego stuff and Star Wars models a couple of weeks ago. It was very generous. So they will get a dozen cookies and a thank you note hand-written from our kids. But I have no plans to bake for multiple neighbors just because it's the holiday season. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 This should'a'been a poll. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I'd take cookies to everyone but Christmas letter to just friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 "its about who we are, not about who they are....." :grouphug: ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Part of me wants to tell you to just take it to the friends. This is mainly fueled by bad experiences with neighbors years ago. The other part of me wants to tell you to spread the cheer and share with all the neighbors. When I'm on the fence I try to go with the most generous thing to do. Because of that, I have to say share with all the neighbors. Maybe that small bit of kindness will make a difference in their life, even if only for that day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyK Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Are the limits of your neighborhood clear? We do the cookie drop off too but we do it with people who are walking distance from us who are friends or are next door neighbors. I guess given that we really just give to the people we are already in relationship with or who are new, and I don't feel bad about that. But we live in a dense urban neighborhood and there's no clear boundary. I might feel differently if we lived on a cul-de-sac. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Take it to all nine and see what happens. I'm curious as to how they will respond. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medieval Mom Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I would take them to all nine. That would be an expression of who you are, Jean - a kind, loving person. You cannot control how they respond - that's their business. But be who you are and don't let others' negativity affect that. Kind of like, "to your own self be true." And, as someone else already said, you don't know what makes folks act the way they do - perhaps they were having a bad day (week, month, year!). As for the girl who was unkind to your daughter - I'd be slow to avoid her parents based on their daughter's bad behavior unless you're pretty sure they sanctioned it. They might not even know about it. If you took cookies to them and her parents mentioned they were from you, she might have a twinge of conscience and make an effort to be more kind from now on. You never know. :iagree: However, I wouldn't give a card or Christmas letter (if it detailed all your activities and such for the year) to anyone but those with whom you normally correspond. (Miss Manners etiquette tip. :) ) If's it's a plain card with a "Merry Christmas from the Smiths", then go for it . :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Show them how it's done, Jean. Everyone seems to be hiding and paranoid of their neighbors these days, and I can understand why sometimes. I would have loved a neighborhood mentor like you when I moved. Do what comes to your heart. If you are going to make all different kinds for the five families anyway its just as easy to double those batches.:cheers2: :iagree: Well said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 This should'a'been a poll. :glare: Maybe I'll have dd10 tally the responses in a bar graph.;) We're currently discussing all of this as a family. So far, everyone is in agreement that we'll take stuff to at least 6 people. (The family I thought of as stand-offish all these years, doesn't strike the others that way as all!) We haven't struck the others off our list; we just haven't made up our mind on them yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I'm taking goodies to the neighbors who called the police when my son practiced the drums, four times, even though the noise was well below decipal level and at 3:30 in the afternoon. Christmas is the time to show grace, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 hi jean - wondering what ya'll ended up deciding...... happy new year! ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 hi jean - wondering what ya'll ended up deciding...... happy new year! ann This was my update. Short story is that we took them to all and it worked out really well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 thanks for the link; i had completely missed the update! glad it worked out well..... smiling, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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